It was a sunny day for the Hootchie Hut, which was normal, since the Hootchie Hut was on an asteroid that faced the sun.
Houston, a young girl working at the Hootchie Hut, suddenly woke up from her slumber with a disturbing vision! She screamed!
"The LMBP!" she yelled! "In my dream, they all..."
[ February 19, 2004, 10:19 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Meanwhile, on the planet Feudalia, the young prince Lordain awoke with a start!
"I must rescue the beautiful damsel Houston! She's about to..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Suddenly, in a garden picking his nose, a giant cactus woke up!
"Prince Lordain! He's discovered that Houston is about to..."
[ February 15, 2004, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Just then, Eryk Davis Ester crawled out of bed.
"Jeepers!" he cried. "I knew I shouldn't have let Porcupine Pete talk me into eating that burrito! That's the third giant cactus picking his nose dream I've had this month!"
EDE gets dressed and heads to Cafe Cramer for breakfast. There he runs into...
[ February 15, 2004, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...Nads-Kicker Lass! However, she looks distressed!
"What's the matter?" says EDE, putting his hands in front of his crotch, just in case. "What brings you to Legion World?" he adds, knowing that she's not an LMBer.
"Well, you see, it's Penis Eradicator Lad! He's been..."
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Well, you see, it's Penis Eradicator Lad! He's been kidnapped!"
"Willikers!" EDE exclaimed. "Well, I guess we can narrow it down to females as potential suspects. No male would dare kidnap PEL with his powers!"
"That's just it. You see, the ransom note claims that he was taken by..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"...Pornis!"
"But," began a weary EDE, "Pornis is a giant Penis! Couldn't Penis Eradicator just destroy him with one use of his powers?"
"I think so," said Nads Kicker Lass, who suddenly eyed EDE up and down and checked out his goods. "Say, are you one of the few strait LMBers?"
"Um...I, uh...you see-"
Suddenly, EDE was cut off short, as Lash Lad and Poverty Lad arrived at Cafe Cramer. "EDE, come quick! We've got a problem!"
"What could it be?" proclained Nads-Kicker Lass
"It's Vaginimus, she's attacking Legion World!"
"So, call out the LMBP!"
"It's worse! She was the help of a giant army of everyday house spiders!"
"Ick!" yelled Nads Kicker Lass, as house spiders usually scared her to the point where she wanted to kick some nads. She looked at Poverty Lad, and a familiar temperment overtook her...
[ February 15, 2004, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Arachne on :
Fortunately, the spiders were causing such a distraction that all she hit was air.
Releaved, Poverty Lad imediately took the opportunity to call...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...Nightcrawler, Lardlad and Emerald Empress, who were on a mission in space dealing with the spider invasion!
"No luck yet" said Nightcrawler, as Lardy and the Emerald Empress blasted the ordinary house spiders. "But Pornis and Vaginimus appearing at the same time seems odd. Any ideas?"
"Not really," replied Poverty Lad, although Lash Lad suddenly yelled out...
Posted by Arachne on :
"Look!" He pointed toward the ordinary house spiders.
One of them seemed to be carrying a tiny white flag.
"Um, Nightcrawler," said Poverty Lad, "I think you might want to get back here. It loooks like Vaginimus wants to talk."
[ February 15, 2004, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: Arachne ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"Hm...interesting," said Nightcrawler to Emerald Empress and Poverty Lad and Lash Lad (who had suddenly been teleported to space via Lardy's lard-force.
"It seems that they're seeking refuge on Legion World and aren't looking for trouble after all!" said Pov.
"But from who?" replied EE, who looked at the spiders, who seemed to be very eloquent and open to diplomacy.
"Uh-oh," said Nightcrawler, "from none other than..."
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"...the armies of Legion World!"
"Wha...?" Pov questioned.
"Yes, apparently they were mercilessly attacked by Legion World armies, and are seeking refuge at the one place the armies don't dare enter: Legion World itself!" Nighty explained.
"But, if the armies attacked them, it must be on the order of one of the Triumvirs!" Lash Lad reasoned.
Meanwhile, EDE was still in the Cafe with Nads Kicker Lass, whose continued flirting was making him increasingly uncomfortable...
Posted by STU on :
... because he was secretly attracted to her!
And also because he suspected that she was planning to kick the nads of Pov and Cobie, which would be disastrous!
Because all the most precious secrets of Legion World had been stored on two microdots that had been secretly surgically implanted on their respective nads!
And if their nads were to be kicked with the earth-shattering force of Nads Kicker Lass, then surely all those secrets would be lost forever!
EDE was contemplating his next move, when Nads Kicker Lass stood up suddenly, and strode purposefully over to ...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...bend over in front of him, so he could see her thong underneath!
"Jeepers!" he exclaimed! As Nads-Kicker Lass turned on 'Sexual Healing' on the jutebox, she turned to him and said "How about a lap dance tiger?!"
EDE wasn't sure what to do, seeing as Penis-Eradicator Lad was her cousin and sometimes consort! He could do some serious damage to EDE if he found out.
Suddenly Cobalt Kid walked in. "Wait! EDE, you're here? That means the only Triumvir who could be attacking the spiders in space is Greybird! But when we last saw him, he was..."
Posted by LARDLAD on :
But when we last saw him, he was...having his wings groomed at the aviary! I gotta go make sure he's still there! Wanna come with, EDE?"
EDE looked confused for a second, then glanced over at Nads-Kicker Lass as she performed a sultry dance on top of the jutebox (apparently, the Cafe had an antique jukebox made out of the remains of some Jutes---as in Angles, Saxons and ____ from ancient English history).
Cobalt glanced over and it all became clear. "You're thinking about scoring with a girl who kicks balls for a living?"
His gaze still unwavering to the beauty and his mouth agape, EDE managed, "uh-huh."
"Well, good luck, pal. Though even I wouldn't take that chance, if you pull this one off, you'll certainly earn my admiration."
With a quick wink, Cobalt ran through the exit and flew off toward the aviary as Nads-Kicker Lass shimmied ever closer to the entranced EDE and his widespread legs.
When Cobalt arrived at the aviary, he was shocked to see.....
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...someone had let Jinx and Stoopid Cat into the aviary! But who would do such a thing? Cobie quickly grabbed both cats, who fortunately had not managed to capture any of the precious and rare species of birds from many different worlds that were brought together in the Legion World aviary.
As he investigated further, he found Grey Birdboy lying unconscious on the floor of the aviary office!
Meanwhile, somewhere far away, yet another sinister plot was unfolding, as...
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
...the galaxy shuddered, and a mysterious rift began opening in the skies above Venus.
Back at the Café, Fat Cramer was watching Nads-Kicker Lass. She came out of the kitchen, Interrupting the seductive dance, and said, "You're supposed to have a very useful power, Nads-Kicker. Perhaps you could teach me a few moves?"
As Nads Kicker Lass was distracted by FC, Eryk took the opportunity to....
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
EDE took the opportunity to call Lightnig Lad and ask him for advice about women.
Not to belittle EDE's way with women, but after all Nads-kicker Lass is no ordinary woman.
But before the call went through...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...Creepy Jerk Kid entered the Cafe and went over and began talking to Nads Kicker Lass.
"Grife! Why does this always happen?" EDE thought.
Meanwhile, at the Hootchie Hut...
Posted by STU on :
... Vee was having an eye-opening experience!
And experiencing feelings he'd never felt before!
Caught in the throes of a powerful emotion, he stood up and approached a young pole-dancer named ...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Houston! Unaware that he had had his drink spiked with bi-beer, Vee soon found himself strangely attracted to Houston, the beautiful pole-dancer.
Befor he could say anything however, she suddenly came right over to him, and pinched his ass! "Aren't you an LMBer?" she asked him.
"Why, yes I am? Why do you ask?"
"Well, you see, I had this dream about you all, and in it you all..."
Meanwhile, back at Cafe Cramer, Creepy Jerk Kid grabbed hold of Nads Kicker Lass's thong that was hanging out on the side and made a dirty joke! Furious, Nads Kicker Lass turned to him, pulled back her foot, locked in between his uprights and...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...suddenly looked deeply into his eyes and gave him a passionate kiss!
"*sigh*" EDE thought. "That's so typical. Yes... they always say they want a guy who's nice and sensitive and good like me, but then Creepy Jerk Kid comes along and treats them like crap and next thing you know they're falling for him..."
Meanwhile, on Feudalia...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
A Giant Cactus that was picking it's nose arrived to the castle of Prince Lordain!
After a brief dialogue that was a bit silly although somewhat contrived, the Prince learned that the Cactus, named Eylyke A Nalalot, had dreamt of him dreaming of a stripper named Houston at the Hootchie Hut and understood the peril that the universe was in. Although initially ready to burn the beast at the stake, he saw it was picking it's nose and since he too occasionally picked his nose, considered it to be his friend!
As Lordain and the Cactus Alien of Space began their search for Houston to stop the terror that they had all dreamed about, the LMBPers in space had their own problems.
"Wait a minute" said Lardy, eating a large drumstick that he found somewhere. "Vaginimus is running from the Legion World armies with these spiders, although Cobalt, EDE and Grey Bird Boy are all at Legion World? And someone knocked Grey Birdboy unconcious?"
"Yup" replied Pov.
"Oh. OK. Let's go get a refill!" he yelled holding out his beer mug.
"We can't Lardy!" said Emerald Empress. "You see, I..."
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"You see, I... I'm pregnant!"
Lardy gasped!
Back on Venus, a young boy looked up at the sky and saw the strange rift opening. But we'll get to him later...
For the time being, let's check in with Beagle Boy, who was busy...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
And somewhere else, someone else emitted a deep throaty chuckle as these events unfolded. But after the laughter died away a mood of somber seriousness overtook that person and preparations for a vile and villanous assault on Legion World were redoubled and retripled and then increased some more.
Because you see after that person's last defeat at the hands and feet and various other appendages of the LMBP that person had vowed revenge and sworn not to rest until Legion World was totally destroyed.
And now that person was getting very tired (and more than a little cranky) so it was time to...
LET LOOSE THE PUPPY DOGS OF WAR!!!! Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Beagle Boy ran through Legion World, wondering where everyone was! Finding Cobalt Kid with Jinx and Stoopid Cat in his arms, he learned that Grey Birdboy was in his aviary lying unconcious!
Speeding over and grabbing him, Beagz shook him back to conciousness, asking him what had happened.
"Ugh...anyone get the number of that truck?"
"Grey, this is no time to joke!" said Beagz, although secretly, it was time to joke!
"No...it was a truck that hit me..."
"Look out!" yelled Cobie, as he grabbed Beagz and Grey Birdboy, as a giant truck drove through the streets of Legion World after them!
"Who's driving it?" asked Beagz, getting to his feet and checking to see at super-speed. "Holy Shit, it's..."
Posted by Varalent on :
...one of KP's gobots...errr...I mean Transformers!" Cobie said. "You know, the one that turns into a tractor trialer! Is that KP in there? I can't see through the smoked glass windshield!"
"That's not smoked glass, KP! That's smoke! So that means it's not KP behind the wheel," said Beagz. "Gasp! It's Cheech & Chong!"...
Posted by STU on :
And with them, celebrating her 13th birthday, was a seriously toked-out LORI MORNING! Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!" screamed Cobie, who hates Lori Morning!
Meawhile, a bi-beer drunk Vee walks with Houston into the Champagne room at the Hootchie Hut. Being the hootchie hut and all, there is of course, always sex in the champagne room. Vee, ever the gentleman, prepares to slowly bow out, when Invisible Brainiac, who had snuck into the Hootchie Hut, invisibly whispers into Houston's ear to give Vee the works!
Houston, known for her five hundred, licks her lips at the LMBPer.
However, before things can get out of control, the doors to the Hootchie Hut slam open, revealing...
Posted by Varalent on :
...Semi!
"I'd think twice before doing that if I were you sweetie! If anyone's going to play footsie with Vee, it most certainly will be me!" Semi declared. "Besides, isn't there something important you need to tell us about your dream & the LMBP?"
"Oh! That's right how silly of me to forget! Houston giggled.
"Quickly girl! If this is an emergancy we need to know what we're dealing with!" Semi quizzed. "Will we need to call out all the reserves? Should we contact Turns You Into A Country Fred, and Raging Bull, and our other allies like Captain Lightbulb & the Light Brigade? Or is this just a run of the mill emergency that we can handle on our own."
"I...I don't know!" Houston sobbed, rattled by Semi's croiss examination. "All I know is that in my dream I saw all of you...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
A Seriously Pissed Off Giant Robotic Lesbian, followed closely by Anti-Lad, Thora, and a twisted demented clone of Nads-Kicker Lass.
One swipe of GRL's metallic Paw clears the bottle rack behind the bar as she shouts, "Where the Fuck is Cobalt Kid? I'll teach that little bastard to slip me Bi-Beer! I'm Pregnant and I'm gonna Kill him so he can't take my little darling away from ME!!!!!!"
Naturally everyone hid except for Vee who was dragged into the Champane Room By Houston and Invisible Brainiac who was curled up in the corner laughing his nads off...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
While IB, Vee and Houston were hiding, Semi noticed that a ship docked at the Hootchie Hut bay, and a young prince and a Giant Cactus of Space walked out...
Meanwhile, Creepy Jerk Kid deeply toungue kissed Nads Kicker Lass right in front of EDE and Fat Cramer. Seeing EDE a bit distressed, FC suddenly unleashed her own hard upright kick into the nads of Creepy Jerk Kid!
"There you go Eryk!" yelled FC "For all the nice guys!"
"Uh, FC, I think Nads Kicker is mad now..." replied Eryk, as she turned back to the young Calamity King with furious eyes...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"So... uh..." Eryk stumbled for words to calm her down. "We should really get started trying to help your cousin, shouldn't we?"
Nads-Kicker Lass suddenly remembered the real reason she'd come.
"Yeah," she says. "I was hoping you could help me, since Pornis is your father and all."
"I'll surely do what I can, ma'am!" EDE replies, eager to help the beautiful young woman. "We should bring Lardy in on this as well."
Meanwhile, on Venus, the young boy...
Posted by STU on :
... made a startling discovery.
It was a note.
From Kid Prime!
He was in trouble.
And trapped.
With a seriously toked-out LORI MORNING!
Who'd dialed up the Nads-Kicker Lass powers using her H-Dial! Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"I'm pregnant" said the Emerald Empress.
"You are?!" asked Poverty Lad and Arachne. "Whose the father?!" yelled Lard Lad
"That's the thing. You see, the father is actually a mother, a woman who was infested with gender reversal germs. And so I had her/him satisfy me. You know her very well, she is..."
Posted by Arachne on :
"...Nads-Kicker Lass!"
"Gee," said Arachne,"You'd think that experience would have made her change her ways, wouldn't you?"
Poverty Lad just shook his head.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"Wait a minute." said Homecoming Queen on Monitor Duty with Doctor One and Kid Psychout.
"So who is like, the person leading the Legion World armies? And like, who is driving the truck trying to kill Cobalt and Beagzy? And like, could like Creepy Jerk Kid be ANYmore disgusting?"
Doctor One turned away in disgust, as Kid Psychout downed another pint. "Who cares?" he said, as he turned to look at the Monitor.
Beagle Boy circled around and made sure that Stoopid Cat, Jinx and Grey Birdboy were out of the path of the truck, as Cobalt used his magnetism to crush the truck into small pieces. Pulling out the driver, they were shocked to see it was none other than that winy little weakling...
Posted by LARDLAD on :
Pulling out the driver, they were shocked to see it was none other than that winy little weakling...
...to be revealed later, as this narrator has no clue who it might be!
Meanwhile at the Hootchie Hut, EDE and Nads-Kicker Lass were about to go find Lardy when in stormed...the TITTY TWINS!!!!!
Tits Magill and Lactation Lass stormed in and immediately made for EDE. "You!" Tits yelled pointing at EDE, but not with her finger.
"M-me?" EDE stuttered.
"Yeah, you!" and Tits used her power of mammary elongation to deliver a right cross that hit EDE square in the jaw and knocked him to the floor. "Immobilize him, LL!" she barked.
The meeker, shyer member of the duo quietly responded with a "y-yes ma'am" and used her power to emit massive amounts of fluid from her nipples. It hit EDE full-on and dried quickly, adhering him to the floor.
"W-what do yo want?" EDE asked timidly. These two had always scared him. Nads-Kicker Lass just watched on with more than a little amusement.
"You're, Lard Lad's brother, right?" Tits Magill shreiked. "Well, that piece of shit owes us big-time! And you're gonna take us to him!"
"Ulp!" EDE managed.
Elsewhere, without further delay, the LMBPers who pulled out the driver of the truck learned it was none other than.......
Posted by STU on :
... Ambiguous Kid!
"Er, where did he, um, she, er, come from?!" EDE wondered aloud.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Elsewhere, Invisible Brainiac was chasing his nads, which were no longer attached to him because he had laughed them off.
He was just about to grab them when he was suddenly stopped by the Queen Bee's sister's ex-husband's cat's banker's masseuse's favorite politician's least favorite's Survivor contestant's lawyer's doctor's mistress, the Spelling Bee!
"Approach no closer!", it buzzed angrily, "Or I will..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
EDE had been busy in the last few posts! Leaving Cafe Cramer with Nads Kicker Lass and Fact Cramer, EDE immediately grabbed Outdoor Miner and teleported to the Hootchie Hut, in search of Lard Lad, unaware that it was being attacked by Thora, Giant Robotic Lesbian and Anti-Lad.
This was interrupted by the Titty Twins, who attacked him and forced him to bring them to LardLad, his brother. Outdoor Miner, trying to make sure that EDE was alright, teleported them back to Legion World, just in time to see Beagle Boy and Cobalt rip out Ambiguous Kid from the truck!
Unfortunately, Tits Magill, smacked Outdoor Miner with a hard boob to the face, and then threatened to destroy EDE right there on the spot! Since they had no nads to kick and Fat Cramer wanted to hang back for a minute and see what their plan was, OM agreed, and teleported them back to the Hootchie Hut, to search for Lardy.
However, Lardy was in space with Arachne, Pov, Lash and Vaginimus and the spiders, who were fleeing from the Legion World armies. EDE, OM, FC and Nads Kicker were now with the Titty Twins at the Hootchie Hut, with Vee, Houston, IB and Semi, while Thora, Giant Robotic Lesbian and Anti-Lad were invading it. Even more, the Super Cactus of Space and Prince Lordain have just shown up at the Hootchie Hut too, in search of Houston!
Would they meet up? Who is Ambiguous Lad? Who is leading the Legion World armies? What is the dream that Houston, Prince Lordain and the Super Cactus of Space? Stay tuned for next time, same bat time, same bat channel!!!
Posted by Abin Quank on :
-----------Interlude-----------
Lash, if you're out there and reading this. Now is the time to destroy the world!
-----------End-Interlude-------------
Posted by LARDLAD on :
***(Retro-)Historical Note***
Re: The Titty Twins (Part One)
The Titty Twins, who make their first appearance here in LMBP continuity, are heretofore unrevealed anatagonists of our favorite superheroes. In other words, they are a retcon of sorts. But they have ties to existing continuity.
You see, the Titty Twins were originally (remember this is a retcon here, folks) known as the Titty Trio.
The original lineup of the Titty Trio consisted of Tits Magill, Lactation Lass and...Globe Girl. All of these ladies were unwilling victims of a mad scientist who tried to create the ultimate pair of knockers. He figured if he could create the ultimate pair, he could control all males in positions of power in what is still, sadly, a dominantly patriarchal galaxy.
However, his plot was foiled when Globe Girl's power manifested. Her power was to enlarge her bosoms up to planet size. This initial manifestation destroyed the lab and killed the scientist. Her fellow victims, however, were saved as Globe Girl manage to tuck them in between her breasts, safe and snug as a dollar bill would be in a stripper's cleavage.
They could have become a powerful force for good, except for the fact that Tits Magill emerged as the alpha personality of the group. And she was one sick puppy! So the Trio menaced the LMBP on several occasions. But just as they were about to destroy the heroes once and for all, Globe Girl betrayed the others and saved them all.
Globe Girl immediately was inducted into the LMBP and proudly served for a short time. Sadly, no one remembers her anymore because she made the ultimate sacrifice.
The Time Mouse Trapper, one of the LMBP's arch-nemeses, had secretly manipulated time to make sure Globe Girl would be one of the Titty Trio and eventually join the LMBP. He had planned to activate the true extent of her power, to grow her breasts so large as to dwarf, and therefore destroy, the entire galaxy. This would wipe the slate clean and the Trapper could remake the universe as he saw fit.
To foil him, Globe Girl used one of the Trapper's own weapons to nullify her own existence completely. If she never existed, then the universe could never be destroyed. So Globe Girl saved the universe, but no one remembers it because it never happened.
Strangely enough, when inevitable hiccups in time occur, Globe Girl has briefly reappeared as a member of the LMBP. Sadly, the hiccups always correct themselves, and she again takes her place as the LMBPer who never was.
But there was still a Titty Trio in LMBP continuity, the way it was meant to be without time manipulations. That story will be told in Part Two (coming soon).......
***End (Retro-)Historical Note***
Posted by Sanity or Madness? on :
[ February 21, 2004, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Nightcrawler ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
*interlude*
Easy there Judge Dredd . I'm sure that everyone has read that rule when they signed on last, and Gary has said that there seems to be an increasing trend in threads that has becoming increasingly vulgar! So everyone try not to cross the line (I'll have a hard enough time myself ).
"Rated X" might be part of the title, but we dont' have to get there quite yet !
*end interlude*
Posted by Sanity or Madness? on :
*interlude*
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
quote:Originally posted by Sanity or Madness?: New rule - remember it.
Easy there Judge Dredd . I'm sure that everyone has read that rule when they signed on last
Actually, Gary had to disable that, since turning it on effectively banned STU (Seriously ). Besides, I don't think having it pointed out on the threads that are the major offenders hurts.
*end interlude*
[ February 21, 2004, 08:05 PM: Message edited by: Nightcrawler ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
*interlude*
Oops, just read the thread in the Science Police forum! Probably a good idea to have them in the thread then SoM!
*end interlude*
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
*Eagerly awaiting one of EDE's patented recaps!*
Meanwihle, LardLad, Nightcrawler, Arachne, Pov, Emerald Empress and Lash Lad were in space, escorting Vaginimus and a race of tiny house spiders to safety away from the armies of Legion World!
"So, you're pregant," asked Pov to EE, "and Nads Kicker Lass was the father, when she had been infected by gender-reversal germs?"
"Right. I didn't want to tell anyone, but things are spinning out of control now!"
"Yeah, since her partner, Penis-Eradicator Kid has been kidnapped by Pornis!" said Lardy
"Wait!" said Nightcrawler, suddenly bamfing away. He bamfed back. "I did some recon and heard some soldiers talkig about what the armies are planning! They said that after the kidnap Vaginimus and all these little spiders (that live with her), they're planning on..."
Posted by Varalent on :
*interlude*
Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! Yuck!
*end interlude*
Finding himself in the Champagne Room with Houston, Vee began to blush and stammer.
("What should I do? It's like I've never been with a pretty girl before! Surely I must have been, it's not like I'm a kid anymore! But...")
"Wellllllll! What should we do while we're hiding in here...alone...in the dark?" Houston asked, siddling up to Vee and sliding her hand over his chest.
"Ouch!!! Hey, who slapped me?" she yelled "It was you wasn't it? We'll if you think I get in to that you've got another think coming! I ought to...." and with that she rewarded Vee with a ringing slap across the face that rocked him back on his heels!
"But!....I didn't..." he protested. "Ow! That hurt!" he mumbled as Houston stormed out of the room. Suddenly he heard a slight giggle behind him but when he turned around there was no one there. Not sure what to think, he headed for the door and exited the room only to find Houston being quizzed by FC.
"All right Houston dear, you've stalled long enough," FC accused. "Tell me about this dream of yours and what it has to do with the LMB."
Just then Prince Loudain & the Super Cactus of Space walked into the Hootchie Hut, both picking their noses. As soon as they spotted Houston both of them yelled and pointed "Her! It's her! She was in my dream!" "Mine too!" To which Houston shrieked, "Oh! There's that plant thingie and that silly prince from my dream."
Needless to say this strange coincidence stopped everyone in their tracks. (Well everyone but Giant Robotic Lesbian, who had concluded that Cobie was not anywhere around and had left in search of him, with Thora, and Anti Lad on her heels.)
Meanwhile, on Venus, the young boy still...
Posted by LARDLAD on :
*******INTERLUDE********
quote:Originally posted by Sanity or Madness?: New rule - remember it.
Okay, being as how this post came immediately after my last one, I have to know if mine violates the rule before I contribute one more word to the story. No it's not necessarily suitable for all ages, but C'MON...does anyone really think we have 9-year olds running around here? No graphic sexual act was mentioned, so I feel pretty safe there. Are "titty or "tits" swear words?
Basically, SoM, I need to know if: a) the post was directed at me in particular in its timing, or at the X-rated disclaimer in the title and where that implies we could go (thereby making the timing of your post a coincedence) and, b) is my last post considered a violation of the new rule, or is it (just barely) on the good side of the line?
Thanks.
********END INTERLUDE**********
[ February 21, 2004, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: Nightcrawler ]
Posted by Spellbinder on :
SoM posted this same message at both of the currently running story threads. I think that the timing was just coincidence.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
And, just a suggestion, but if we have agreed that x-rated is no longer acceptable for the board, I think we should take the "x-rated" out of the title and let the content follow accordingly. As for "tits", I don't know that it's any worse than cleavage, boobs, knockers or other words that have been used regularly - it's what you do with it. Them. Whatever.
Do we have 9-year olds here? Who knows, if they don't post, and even if they did - how could we really tell? We're going on the assumption that children could be reading this.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Well, I'm six if you mean maturity level !
Lardy, I think SoM's post was just coincidence in timing too! I originally thought it was actually aimed at me, but SoM only posted in the tag threads, because when the new rule was appearing it was banning Stu by accident (hm...why'd the even change it back then?). So, he didn't aim it at you! Let the saga of Tits McGill continue.
And now...let the story continue! !
(Thanks to everyone for the concern and for ironing out the new rules as fitting to the tag threads. I hope everyone realizes what lines not to cross, but I also hope everyone agrees, as many have said, that this isn't exactly disney )
Now, I eagerly await another poster that is not me, to contribute the next post to this thread!
Um, after re-reading this last post, I hope it doesn't come off as rude! I love you all Cru, FC, Lardy, SoM, etc.! I'm just a poor sweet boy whose boredom often overtakes his life! Really!
*final editorial interlude*
[ February 19, 2004, 11:32 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Varalent on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: Now, I eagerly await another poster that is not me, to contribute the next post to this thread!
As do I since I have the last post on this thread that has to do with the story!
[ February 19, 2004, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: Varalent ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Meanwhile, on Venus the young boy was still unconnected to the rest of the plot, though he was the one nearest the rift in space which probably will ultimately turn out to be the most dangerous threat in this story, with the possible exception of the puppy dogs of war unleashed by the mysterious villain from the LMBP's past.
The boy did, however, have the note which told of the perils of Kid Prime, who was supposedly in the company of a toked out Lori Morning, who had dialed up the powers of Nads-Kicker Lass on her H-Dial. Could it be that the Nads-Kicker Lass who appeared on Legion World asking for EDE's help in locating her cousin and consort Penis-Eradicator Lad is in fact Lori Morning? And what is her connection to the mysterious Ambiguous Kid, who seems to have taken the place of Lori and her companions Cheech and Chong at the helm of the 18-wheeler that was bearing down on Beagz and other Legion Worlders?
Well, I for one don't know the answers to these questions, but, while we ponder them, I'm in the mood to check back on Invisible Brainiac, who was at the Hootchie Hut, currently being accosted by the Spelling Bee!
"Approach no closer", said the Spelling Bee (once again), "Or I will..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"...not be able to control my insane lust for you!" she screamed in pure delight as the prospect of doing naughty things to young LMBer!
"No!" yelled Semi, who was also at the Hootchie Hut, as he and Vee left the backroom where Houston had slapped Vee. "He's way to young for you Spelling Bee, leave him alone!"
"Too young? But I'm only seventeen. And all I wanted to do was a little necking, nothing else."
"Oh. Well, carry on!" said Vee then.
However, none of them saw the dangerous smile that crossed Spelling Bee's lips.
Meanwhile, Vee and Semi united with Fat Cramer, Outdoor Miner, Eryk Davis Ester and Nads Kicker Lass, who were in the middle of a battle with the Titty Twins!
Houston watched on as Prince Lordain and the Super Cactus of Space walked in, when suddenly Fat Cramer yelled...
Posted by Varalent on :
Houston watched on as Prince Lordain and the Super Cactus of Space walked in, when suddenly Fat Cramer yelled...sparing them only a momentary glance, "Get your fingers out of your noses! Your mothers would be horrified if they saw the two of you right now! Shame on you!"
The Prince & the Cactus immediately yanked their fingers out of their noses since no one with any brains wants to see FC get mad (or disappointed) at their actions.
"But, isn't this a strip joint?" asked the Prince "Why is it so shameful for me to be picking my nose when all of you are standing around in a strip joint?"
"My good Prince! Surely you jest," Semi said as FC slowly turned her complete attention on the Prince and the Cactus (not a good thing, I tell you!). Her hackles were beginning to rise and the start of a powerful *hiss* was beginning to brew. "Everyone knows that the Hootchie Hut is a landmark on Legion World and a traditional hangout of the LMBP. Surely you weren't suggesting that there is something dirty about us being here. Do you really think that someone as dignified as Cramer would ever step in to someplace inappropriate?"
There was deathly silence in the room (other than FC's brewing *hiss*) as everyone waited to hear the Prince's reply.
The Prince & The Cactus looked at each other and then at everyone staring at them while holding their collective breathes. Cactus sized up the situation and stated his case..."I don't know this guy! I swear! Just met him, I promise!" as he stepped back and away from the Prince.
"Guess he got thorns instead of a backbone," Outdoor Miner commented. "Though he apparently has something he uses as a brain."
Meanwhile, out in space, Night was ...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
fighting day!
Night and Day, a brother and sister known for an incestual relationship on a reality show that had won the hearts of the universe, were the most popluar thing in the world right then! Homecoming Queen was tuning in, while the rest of the LMBers on Monitor Duty played Dungeons and Dragons!
"What's going on with Lardy and Nightcrawler's group?" yelled Kid Psychout
"Well, right now they're..."
Posted by Varalent on :
*interlude*
Good save Cobie! Thanks!
*end interlude*
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
"Well, right now they're incommunicado."
Back at the Hootchie Hut, Fat Cramer shook her head and addressed Cactus and the Prince. "The Hootchie Hut is not a strip joint. It is a center devoted to the expression of exotic and sacred dance. This is a place of spiritual renewal, which is why you find so many LMBP people spending time here. Keep that in mind and behave respectfully to the priestesses who perform the dances. Which means keeping your fingers out of your snotty noses and your hands off the dancers. Now, let's get back to fighting these Titty Twins."
"Wait," cried Vee. "I'm getting an emergency transmission from Kid Psychout. He can't raise Lardy's team and he and Homecoming Queen don't want to leave in the middle of the Night and Day show to investigate! "
"Sizzling satellites," muttered EDE. "Haven't they heard of taping programs?"
Meanwhile, Spelling Bee was whispering in Invisible Brainiac's ear. "Onomatopoeia. Spell it for me, tiger," she sighed.
"Hey, somebody watch the Bee!" cried Semi as he moved to pull her away from IB. But at the very moment, the Titty Twins made their move....
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
But at that very moment, the Titty Twins made their move... which, surprisingly, turned out to be a dance move! Tits MacGill and Lactation Lass suddenly began doing the Valgotta, the latest dance craze from the planet Janda.
Meanwhile, in space, Nighty was about the reveal what he had learned about the Legion World armies's plans to kidnap Vaginimus and her spider companions. Apparently, their orders were to take her to...
[ February 20, 2004, 06:56 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Varalent on :
...Langieray, homeworld of that disreputable cult known only as Victoria's Secret. (No one knew who Victoria was or why she had a secret, because...well because it was a secret!)
Once Nighty passed along the information, the questions and comments began...
"Langieray? Why in the world would they want to take Vaginimus there?" Lash Lad asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Arachne interrupted. "Langieray's primary exports are exotic negligees and other sheer, sinewy items for women. Most of this are made from silk..."
"Of course!" Lard Lad exlaimed. "They want the spiders!"
"Yes!" agreed Arachne "They must want to enslave the poor little house spiders, forcing them to spin their silk strands, day and night, so their silk can be turned into the sexy, revealing clothing that all the citizens of Langieray wear and that they reap billions of credits from by exporting!"
"We have to stop them," Empress said. "And then maybe do some shopping!"
"But what could they want with Vaginimus?" Pov asked...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"But what could they want with Vaginimus?" Pov asked...although no one had an answer, or even a comment to add!
"Fine!" yelled Pov, "I've had enough!" Suddenly, Pov revealed himself to not be Pov at all, but really a durlan impersonator, who had kidnapped Pov and placed him in a censory deprivation tank back in a hidden place on Legion World! Madrox the Multiple Durlan smiled..."We want Vaginimus because the spiders live in her...and because Pornis put a bounty out on her head! And I don't care what Pornis wants with her, as long as I get paid!"
As Madrox the Multiple Durlan cloned himself ready to fight, Lash, Nighty, Lardy, Arachne and a pregnat Emerald Empress stood back to back, wondering what fate had in store for them...
[ February 21, 2004, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by STU on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: and a pregnat Emerald Empress
*gasp*
When did this happen?
Who's the father?! Posted by Fat Cramer on :
...just as Fate wondered what to do with them.
"Wait!" gasped Arachne. "Pov is really Madrox, who kidnapped Pov... so should we run off now and rescue Pov, or stay here and fight the Durlan?"
"Maybe we should take a vote," suggested Nighty.
"No time! Madrox stands before us and we'll fight him first!" snarled the Empress, who was herself fighting a terrible craving for ice cream and thinking about how much her feet hurt in those 4" spiked heels.
"But Pov could be horribly damaged if he spends another hour in the Sens Tank," argued Lardy.
"So what's it going to be, heroes? Are you going to fight, or run?" sneered Madrox.
No one could decide, so Fate stepped in and said...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Pov was undergoing the most interesting experiences in the censory deprivation tank! Unfortunately, the new rules of this board prevent us from revealing most of what happened to Pov once deprived of censors, but let's just say an accurate desciption would have made Potty-Mouth Master very proud indeed.
Little did Pov know, unexpected help was on the way, in the form of...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
quote:Originally posted by STU:
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: and a pregnat Emerald Empress
*gasp*
When did this happen?
Who's the father?!
*editorial note*
EE's babies father was revealed to be none other than Nads Kicker Lass! She had been stricken with gender reversal germs and got EE pregnant. The circumstances of such a thing have remained unreaveled! This all occured on page two I think!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Beagle Boy, Cobalt Kid, Grey Birdboy, and Stoopid Cat!
After pulling Ambiguous Kid out of the truck that attacked them, the LMBers questioned Ambiguous Kid repeatedly for him to reveal why he attacked Grey and then tried to run them over with a truck. Although Ambiguous Kid didn't talk, Cobalt waited until Beagz and Grey were out of the room, had Stoopid Cat watch the hallway, and then repeatedly beat Ambiguous Kid with a phone book and rubber hose!
Eventually, the kid revealed that Pov was in a cens/sens-tank in a hidden cave outside of Legion World! Leaving Jinx to watch over Ambiguous Kid, Cobalt, Beagz, Grey and Stoopid Cat arrive to see him in the tank in a full state of arousal when Beagz said...
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
Beagz said, "Stoopid Cat, you're under 18. You'll have to leave the Cens-Tank area."
Stoopid Cat refused to budge, so Grey Birdboy picked him up by the scruff of the neck and carted him outside.
"Goodness gracious, Pov certainly has a big smile on his face," mused Beagz. "I wonder if we could just climb in one of these other Cens-Tanks for a minute, just to see what it's like... then we could make a full report to LMBP Command."
Just then, a terrific explosion was heard outside, accompanied by fur and feathers flying through the air. The power was lost and the room darkened.
"Oh, no - we'll never be able to open the Cens-Tank now! What will happen to Pov's mind after hours of censor-free free association?" cried Beagz. Then he cautiously walked to the open doorway and looked outside, to see....
Posted by LARDLAD on :
***(Retro-)Historical Note***
Re: The Titty Twins/Trio (Part Two)
So after Globe Girl wiped out her own existence, the space/time continuity restructured itself, and the true genesis of the Titty Trio was reinstated.
In many ways the basic origin is the same. A mad scientist experiments on subjects in order to create the most powerful mammaries known to the cosmos in order to control MANkind.
But the scientist in this version was a little more realistic. In the first version, the mad scientist went on the assumption that all males in power could be dominated by women's boobs. Basically, he didn't account for homosexuality. What good would creating women with perfect mammaries do when confronted with a gay man?
So in this new continuity, the mad scientist would experiment on women...and men. But that doen't mean his plan was perfect. You see, this scientist was an expert on enhancing breasts, but he was certainly no expert on gay men. When he experimented on the men, his goal was to shape their breasts like the women's breasts. You see, that kind of logic was a big part of what put the MAD in his title!
So the mad scientist had three successes in the end: Tits Magill, Lactation Lass...and HUGEMANBREASTS! Tits had been one of the scariest hookers on her colony. Lactation Lass had been a wetnurse for a wealthy family. And HUGEMANBREASTS was an imperfect, dull-witted clone of Lard Lad that had been created by Salad-Tosser Lord.
HMB had encountered the LMBP on several occasions prior to falling into the mad scientist's hands, either as part of his creator's plans or in various villain alliances. HMB was not evil, but he was so slow that he was easily controlled.
He had really, really large man-boobs, even for compared to similarly plus-sized men...and even bigger than Lard Lad's whom he'd been cloned from. He was able to command the lardforce himself, but only through his massive man-boobs. The problem was that his boobs were so saggy that he couldn't focus the power consistently and accurately.
So when the mad scientist made HUGEMANBREASTS's boobs firm and feminine, the lardforce became more potent within them. In fact, the power became so concentrated that it initially manifested itself as a huge explosion that destroyed the scientist and his lab. However, some survival instinct within HMB caused him to teleport himself, as well as Tits and Lacty whom he saw as kindrid spirits, out of the lab before the explosion killed them.
Once again, Tits was the sick, demented alpha personality of the three and directed this Titty Trio in several plots against the LMBP.
The only person the childlike HMB felt more kindrid to than the other members of the Trio was Space Tart. His connection to her went back much further as she had been another experiment of Salad-Tosser Lord's. It's unclear to this day if Space Tart was a clone like HMB, but if not, she had definitely been experimented upon by him. She was his first, and perhaps only, friend.
So when Tits had decided to kidnap and kill an LMBPer, she made a big mistake when she chose Spacey. Unfortunately, when HMB blasted Tits with one of his boobs as she attempted to deliver a killing blow to Spacey, the other boob's blast accidentally hit Spacey. The blast from HMB's boob very nearly did Tits's job for her.
Extremely distraught over this, the imperfect clone of Lard Lad fled into the night. When Space Tart recovered, she searched for HMB for many months hoping to help him, but to no avail.
Minus HMB, Tits and Lacty redubbed themselves the Titty Twins and have been a duo ever since. They continue to menace the LMBP on a fairly regular basis.
HUGEMANBREASTS has never been seen since he fled. But time may change that.
***End (Retro-)Historical Note***
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Then he cautiously walked to the open doorway to see...Pornis attacking the cave that held Poverty Lad! Even more suprisingly, Beagz and Cobalt were shocked to see that Penis-Eradicator Lad, the partner of Nads Kicker Lass was with him, obviously mind-controlled and ready to eradicate as many penis's as he could!
Beagz ran back at super-speed with Cobalt, forced Pov out of the cens/sens tank, despite his massive [exploitive deleted] hanging out, and were reunited with Stoopid Cat and Grey Birdboy, although Stoopid Cat was told to look away from Pov.
"What do we do now?" asked Cobalt, although Grey had a plan of how to take down Penis-Eradicator that involved Stoopid Cat...as long as Stoopid Cat had been nuetered.
"But why is Pornis attacking? Why reveal himself so early? And what's his plan with Penis-Eradicator?"
"Hm...he might not be the mastermind behind this yet. What could someone want with Pornis, a giant Penis, and Vaginimus, a giant Vagina...? Hm...nope, can't figure it out." said the LMBers!
And then suddenly, the whole cave shook as...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
And then suddenly, the whole cave shook as...
A series of explosions rocked the cens/sens tanks. From each tank a huge fountain of suspens fluid shot up some 12 feet into the air. At the same time Pov groaned, juddered then gave a weak smile and opened his eyes.
“Wow! What a dream I would never have though the Emerald Empress would do……….oh hi guys what’s up doc?”
Cobalt looked at Beagle Boy “Did you disconnect him from the tank properly” he asked.
“Erm no I thought you had” said a somewhat sheepish Beagz.
“You know I don’t think that massive [exploitive deleted] that was hanging out was what we thought it was, hanging out. I think it night have been one of the connectors and when Pov, well when Pov” Cobalt turned to Stoopid Cat “look why don’t you and Grey take a look out side and see if its safe to leave” Once the youngster had left Cobalt continued, “well once Pov reached the end of his dream, the climax you might say, the feedback was too much for the machines and caused a massive overload in the system. I think the entire cens/sen tank system is destroyed”
“OK Cobie” said Beagz “I think we better get Pov back to HQ and the hospital”
Meanwhile on the cruiser Lash, Nighty, Lardy, Arachne and a pregnant Emerald Empress, watched with horror as the multiple durlan started to………..
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Multiply!
It wouldn't have been so bad but he was doing it with a chalkboard and deliberately screeching the chalk.
2 x 2 = 4 became a horrendous punishment as the noise of the durlan's nails on the chalkboard echoed through the confined ship, reducing our heroes to quivering lumps of jelly at his feet.
All except for...
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
All except for a fluffy kitten, who wandered into the scene in search of a bowl of cream.
"Where did that come from?" asked Lash.
"Must have been in the bilge, chasing rats," speculated Arachne.
Suddenly, the fluffy kitten began screeching with such an ear-piercing noise that even the multiplying Durlan covered his ears. "Make it stop! Make it stop! I hate kittens!" cried the Durlan, dropping to his knees.
"I think we may have discovered a new secret weapon," smiled the Empress. "Here pussy pussy," she cooed.
Just then, the fluffy kitten arched its back as a flash of light filled the room.
Posted by Abin Quank on :
And suddenly the air in front of the LMBPers was filled with Dancing Strawberries.
Yes, Strawberries of all shapes and sizes, from the little tiny, but very sweet ones to the inordinately large but tasteless ones, everywhere they looked were strawberries.
Suddenly some of the larger ones began not only being tasteless but displaying their tastelessness. For example one had attached itself to EE's buttocks, which greatly resembled her Butt, but had the taste not to say so, and pretended to be a commoner's birthmark. Another was dunking itself in the bowl of cream Arachne had poured for the fluffy kitten and was now waiving itself in front of Nighty's eyes yelling "Eat ME, Come On, Eat Me, you big hunk you!" and "Oh I want you to Eat Me So Bad!"
Some of the smaller strawberries may have had the good taste to blush, but with strawberries, Who Knows?
Anyway the scene quickly degenerated into one of utter depravity as the LMBPers were pushed beyond the boundaries of human (or demonic, in Nighty's case) resistance and a wild orgy of strawberry and cream eating soon followed.
Sometime later, as the sated LMBPer's lounged around the space cruiser's central cabin Arachne was heard to mutter...
[ February 22, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: Abin Quank ]
Posted by STU on :
"Oh, no! I just remembered that the LMBP medical files indicated that one of us is dangerously allergic to strawberries! But who...?!"
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Sometime later, as the sated LMBPer's lounged around the space cruiser's central cabin Arachne was heard to mutter……..
“this is not right….we should not be so sleepy after a strawb and cream filled session of licentiousness, heck this is the LMBP they have handled bigger things than this during their debauchery” (ooh er missus) Actually, hang on a minute what’s Stu doing here?
But that was the last thing she thought as she drifted off into the land of Nod.
Soon all was quiet, except for the rather nasty snoring of Lardlad, in the corner of the cruisers control room a small hatch opened and out came Piddlin Pup carrying Blok the pet rock (who we all know is the most intelligent creature in the universe despite the fact he can’t move and can only communicate with the LMBP pets)
“Well Piddlin pup it seems that my predictions have come true. Let us Give Nightcrawler the antidote to his Strawberry poisoning. Our adversary has done his homework well. Who would have guessed that fluffy kittens and strawberries and cream could be potentially fatal to a creature from Nightcrawlers home dimension? I only hope this does not turn him into a rabid anti cat and strawberry killer”
“Quickly now we only have a few seconds left to save these heroes before …………”
[ February 23, 2004, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: Faraway Lad ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, on Legion World, Beagz and Cobalt brought Pov to Doctor One to make sure he was alright. After a few "gross!" and "ewwwwwww!"'s had been shouted, Doctor One promised to take care of the comatose LMBer.
Grey Birdboy and Stoopid Cat joined back up with the two LMBers, who were trying to figure out what to do next. Suddenly, Homecoming Queen and Umber joined them! "Guys, you're not going to believe this! A lot of LMBers are at the Hootchie Hut and being attacked!"
Although they could all tell that this might lead to the further unsolving of the Pornis/Vaginimus/Nads Kicker Lass/ Penis Eradicator Kid mystery, none of them said anything, as both Amber and Umber had lipstick on their collars and they both looked like they were glowing. "Curious lately?" said Grey ruefully.
After a few embarrassing moments, Faraway Lad joined the growing number of LMBers, and used his power to send them faraway, to the Hootchie Hut...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
After a few embarrassing moments, Faraway Lad joined the growing number of LMBers, and used his power to send them faraway, to the Hootchie Hut...
Leaving Faraway alone with Stoopid Cat.
“Mwrrrrr
Why didn’t you send me to the hootchie hut with the rest of them?”
Mwrrrrr
Said the cat advancing on Faraway with razor sharp talons extended.
“I did” said a surprised Faraway, “well at least I sent you all Faraway; sometimes the targeting system is a bit off.” Faraway backed away slowly from Stoopid Cat who seemed to be growing in size.
“Wait a moment” he said quickly as a claw swooshed past his head, “is this any way to run a leadership campaign”
A quick look over his shoulder showed Far the deep, deadly looking scratches in the polished duralumin metal of the LMBP medical wing corridor.
“Ah the sweet irony of it all” said a familiar voice from behind Faraway “I had hoped to save you to last of all sweet brother, but one must pick ones fruit when it is ripe so to speak”
Faraway spun round as quickly he could but he already knew it was too late.
“Really Brother” said Behind You Boy from behind Faraway “I would have thought you of all people would know better than that”
Suddenly Faraway reeled under the full fury of Stoopid Cat’s frantic assault. As he fell under a flying fury of fur, teeth and claws he thought he could smell a faint whiff of strawberries.
Meanwhile in a park about one and a half miles from the Hootchie Hut, Stoopid Cat was slowly pulling his self out of the small lake into which Faraway's powers had deposited them.
Rrrrowl I will make that stupid human pay for that Hisssssssss
Cobalt was next out of the lake. “We really should remember that Far can only send things faraway he’s not as accurate as a teleporter as Lardy”
Grey Birdboy stood shaking water off his magnificent wings “I wonder if we are any closer to the hut than before we actually left” he said, mainly to himself. “I’ll just take a quick look” and with that he rose magnificently into the air, swooping up and down, feeling the pure joy of the wind in his hair and the warmth of the sun drying his clothes. After a few seconds he alighted.
“We are about one and half miles from the hut in that direction” he gestured with his right hand. “Given the extreme seriousness of the potential situation alerted to the gathered LMBP’rs by these two delightful young ladies I would not hesitate to make a recommendation that those of us with the most expeditious modes of transportation should provide an advance scouting party whilst the remaining members of the group follow on at their utmost speed”
“What” said Umber?
“Like, you know, what she said” said Homecoming Queen.
“He means that the fastest ones here should go to the hut whilst the rest of us follow on as quickly as we can” said Cobalt who was more used to Grey than some of the others. “Grey, Beagle take Stoopid Cat and get over their as fast as possible. I’ll escort the….erm ladies….” And with that Cobalt Kid slipped his arms around both Umber and Homecoming Queen a knowing smile forming on his lips.
“Come on Grey race you” shouted Beagle as he sped off, followed by Grey rising into the air with SC gripping his feathers very tightly.
Meanwhile back at the Hootchie hut.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Suddenly, an albino midget carrying a large Rob Liefield-esque gun burst into the Hootchie Hut!
"Let this tag thread start lingering without posts, eh? Well, I'll kill an LMBer every day until people start getting this story moving again!"
Suddenly, Eryk Davis Ester said...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Jeepers!" as the puppy dogs of war suddenly burst on the scene, trampling the albino midget!
But, as they entered the Hootchie Hut, a massive asteroid suddenly...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Smashed into the side of the asteriod that held up the Hootchie Hut! With the LMB falling out into space, chaos ensued!
"It gets worse!" yelled the Super-Cactus of Space! "Look over yonder! It's a giant Moby Dick of space, and riding it is..."
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Super-Captain Ahab from the Eighth Dimension!"
The Super-Cactus of Space recognized Super-Captain Ahab, because his cacti race had diplomatic and trade relations with the eighth dimension.
What the Super-Cactus did not expect to see was...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...the Super Communist Red Army of Space!
The haters of free trade had followed Super-Captain Ahab into this dimension, as Ahab followed the asteriod that smashed into the Hootchie Hut! And they looked pissed!
As they were invading, they were suddenly aware that they had no chance at stopping the LMB, however, since...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
They had left all of their weapons manufacturing factories back in their own dimension! Once alienated from their means of production, they were powerless!
Meanwhile, the puppy dogs were...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...eating all the Super Communist Red Army of Space alive! In this scene of terrible horror, the LMB watched on as their potential enemies were devoured alive!
Suddenly, Semi Transparent Fellow pointed at the debris that was falling from the giant asteriod that crashed into the giant asteriod that held up the Hootchie Hut and screamed...
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
... "Oh my gosh! Is that just me or does that piece of debris which is falling from the giant asteroid that crashed into the giant asteroid which is holding up the Hootchie Hut look just like Vee?"
Vee blushed and said...
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Elsewhere...
The Spelling Bee was trying to get into IB's pants.
"C-O-M-E O-N, baby, what are you W-A-I-T-I-N-G F-O-R? I thought T-E-E-N-A-G-E-R-S were supposed to be H-O-R-N-Y?"
"But I'm saving myself for this special girl back home..." IB said, although he was g-r-o-w-i-n-g more interested by the second.
"Oh, so? It's not L-I-K-E S-H-E'-L-L E-V-E-R K-N-O-W!"
"Well...."
"Just close your eyes and take it easy, tiger, and let me do all the work..."
Just then, a voice said. "Oh, no you don't sister!"
The Spelling Bee looked up and gasped. "E-E-E-E-K! I-T'-S M-Y N-E-M-E-S-I-S, W-E-T D-R-E-A-M G-I-R-L!"
Wet Dream Girl said...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
"It's too bad you'll wake up exactly one second before..." and she vanished.
But fortunately for IB the Spelling Bee had been replaced by Harbinger, who took one look at him and snorted...
Posted by Sonnie Bloke on :
a white powder that was remarkably cocaine-like off of his....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...test...test. Just test! Jeez!
Meanwhile, Cobalt Kid, Amber and Umber rejoined Beagle Boy and Grey Birdboy who made their way to the Hootchie Hut to see the place in total dissaray!
Asteroids were exploding, armies were being eaten by ants, dancers were leaping into LMBers arms and the Super Cactus of Space and Prince Lordain finally met up with Houston! The three turned to see Eryk Davis Ester, who yelled "You three were all in my dream!"
"Really?" said Houston. "Then you also saw what we did? The part where the LMB was about to be..."
Suddenly she was cut off short, as Nads Kicker Lass yelled "Finally! Look who it is!" as the LMB assembled turned to see a surprise visitor, they were shocked to see...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Howard Stern! With him were..
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
J'Enna J'ameson, the Gil'Dishpan adult film superstar that was loved by some and yet reviled by many!
There was also...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
There was also, completely unexpectedly, Pat Robertson and Jer-el Fal-well. Cobalt Kid thought, "If those four have teamed up, there must be some great universe threatening crisis!"
But, in fact, there was no such crisis responsible for the unlikely team-up, instead...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...they were searching for the final answer to ages old riddle: "If Eryk Davis Ester, a Super-Cactus of Space, a porn star named Houston and Prince Lordain all dream the same thing, will the terrible Evil Emperor be resurrected and destroy the world?"
It seemed like no one really had an answer to this riddle, although suddenly, Grey Birdboy said...
Posted by MLLASH on :
..."I think Anna-Nicole Smith is an underrated actress!"
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
The only reply anyone could muster was a slight comment made by Vee, along the lines of "someone's been hitting the sauce again...extra hard..."
Before a huge debate could break out about the endlessly annoying and fat/skinny fluctuating actress, things grew even stranger, as Pornis appeared before them!
"At last, you're all here, so I can finally end phase one of my plan!"
"UGH!" screamed the Empress suddenly however! As the LMBers turned, they saw that she was...
Posted by Varalent on :
...clutching her tummy, as if in pain.
"Oh damn! Talk about bad luck and poor timing! She's going to have her brat right here and I can't bear the thought of witnessing something so...so..." Before he could finish his sentence, Pornis disappeared again. Moments later a very faint murmur was heard. "Just you wait, once this disgusting event is over, I'll be back!"
Although they all heard it, everyone remaining was completely focused on the Empress. Even the Eye of Ekron was watching raptly unable to take it's ey...umm...unable to look away.
"What do we do?"
"Get some boiling water!"
"Where the frag are we supposed to get boiling water from?"
"How the sprock should I know!"
Everyone was running around in circles, very much reminiscent of the ancient holos of some group of heroes called the Three Stooges when suddenly....
[ March 05, 2004, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: Varalent ]
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Winema Wazzo showed up!
"Tinya! There you are! Did you think you could fool me with that silly disguise? Now give me my grandson!" she screeched.
Before anyone could ask whether she was high and hallucinating, she grabbed the Empress and...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Before anyone could ask whether she was high and hallucinating, she grabbed the Empress and...
EDE muttering “come here grandson” then she called her security police cruiser to her and quickly pushing the Empress, who was now in the final stages of labour, and EDE into the craft jetting off into the stratosphere.
Just then Vee arrived with hot water from the kitchen and said
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Look! Isn't that a giant rift in space threatening to envelop us all!"
That's right. That rift, which started out near Venus and eventually grew to the point that it let an asteroid and various characters from the eigth dimension through to menace the LMBers, has now grown to a size that it threatens to envelop the Hootchie Hut and the LMBers themselves!
"Oh my!" the Super-Cactus of Space exclaimed. "It's just like in my dream!"
"I saw the same," Lordain added. "That is why I sought out the three of you, for only the four of us together can save the universe!"
"But..." Houston pointed out. "That creepy lady just kidnapped Eryk Davis Ester!"
"*Gasp*!" several people gasped.
Meanwhile, back at Cafe Cramer...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, back at Cafe Cramer...
...Pornis enjoyed a nice cup of coffee with Penis Eradicator Lad, the kid he had kidnapped.
"You see Penis Eradicator, I kidnapped you because if you used your power on me, I would be killed--since essentially, I'm a giant Penis. I would have done it anyway, but a mysterious figure promised to pay me to do it, and I needed the money."
"While you were gone, your cousin/girlfriend, Nads Kicker Lass, contacted gender reversal germs, became a man, had a fling with the Emerald Empress, and then got her pregnant."
"This was the plan of the mysterious figure all along, since the baby of Nads Kicker Lass and the Emerald Empress is supposed to complete the vicious spell that will complete his/her plan."
"Oh, and he/she has something to do with the giant tear in space! Now that I've explained it, I can kill you and be off. Have a good one!"
And with that, Pornis spurted his hot juice all over Penis Eradicator, who was really comatose still (otherwise, he'd kill Pornis). The other LMBers in Cafe Cramer: Abin Quank, Sanity Or Madness and Poverty Lad, we're also covered in his hot juices, as the giant phallus escaped!
Things looked bleak, as those in Cafe Cramer struggled for air...
Meanwhile...
[ March 08, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Meanwhile, Kid Prime was being held prisoner by the One Called the One! The One had hated Kippers ever since he was instumental in defeating her during the missing pages of "Hot Summer Nights" and was still seeking revenge on him!
And, where there's the One Called the One, there's usually her favorite henchlady, Lucifer Lass!
"Go, Lucifer Lass, and bring me the one called Penis-Eradicator Lad!"
Meanwhile, Winema Wazzo had taken EDE and the very pregnant Emerald Empress to...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Lamaze Classes! Since I can't spell Lamaze, that's what these classes are called!
"Now help my daughter have her baby!" cried Winema, making EDE wonder what the hell the old coot had been smoking, since this was clearly the Emerald Empress.
"OK!" said EDE, although the notion of a placenta in his bare hands wasn't one he was happy about.
Suddenly the Emerald Empress went into labor! As EDE went to help her, he suddenly heard a ray-gun go off as Winema Wazzo was shot in the back!
"Finish what you're doing Calamity King..." said the voice, as EDE turned to see that the gun-wielding assailant was none other than...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Lardlad in full Beaver killing Regalia. As he laid down the huge smoking gun, he turned to look at EDE before screaming out,
“Lookout…..its……..”
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Lookout...its.... coming out!"
EDE watched in horror as the child emerged from the womb of the Emerald Empress.
"Jeepers! It's..."
[ March 09, 2004, 08:27 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
...it's twins!"
"Shut up and pull!" screamed the Empress. "No, the babies, you idiot, not my clothes!" she shrieked at Lardy.
Just then, they were interrupted by...
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
In the meantime, Truant Officer Ralph and Grimbor the Chainsman had carted away IB, Harbinger and the Spelling Bee as part of their evil plan, which wil be revealed on the next page!
Also to be revealed on the next page is whether they are working for the One called the One, or whether they are working for yet another cosmically-powered evil being.
Elsewhere, Wet Dream Girl appeared in the comatose Penis-Eradicator Lad's dream and...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
"eeeeeew" she said and slapped PE's face.
"get you self cleaned up and follow me we need to see if the stawberries have done there work"
meanwhile back at the birth.
Dr Gymll had turned up waving a credit voucher.
Lardlad turned and picked up his gun.
"beaver" he shouted and .......
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
and it didn't really matter, because a large anvil fell out of the sky, followed closely by the Legion of Super Rejects!
Posted by Numf El on :
And it came to pass, That Rock'n'Roll was born......
Or, in this case young Messers Rock and Roll WERE born.
....And every rockin' band, All across the land. Was blowin' up a storm.............
[ March 19, 2004, 04:48 AM: Message edited by: Numf El ]
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Elsewhere...
The Thyme Trapper munched on a carrot with glee as he looked on at the goings-on.
"It's just as I expected! Multiple holes in reality have opened, thus allowing people from the Legion's realities to enter ours. This would be the perfect time to resurrect the Entropy Spinach and conquer both realities! Once I ally myself with Salad-Tosser Lord, nothing can stop us!"
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I just reread this one and realized how much I like it! We did a really good job tying it all together, up until the final few posts...
I wonder if we ever found out who the bad guy was?
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
. I'm sure that everyone has read that rule when they signed on last![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
).![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
What should we do while we're hiding in here...alone...in the dark?" Houston asked, siddling up to Vee and sliding her hand over his chest.![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
Good save Cobie! Thanks!![[Bump]](graemlins/bump.gif)