cleome46
or you can do the confusion 'til your head falls off
posted
Dear Megacorp-Online Shopping Service,
Snap out of it. Stop emailing me all those fantastically amazing holiday discount offers that really aren't all that fantastically amazing.
We're in a depression. Open a newspaper sometime, if you can find one still in business.That dog not only won't hunt, it's been dead for six months.
My friends, family and former work acquaintances will not be showered by me with fabulous entertainment items and/or awesome designer goods purchased via you. That's final. They may get cookies if I can find a cheap box of butter somewhere, but that's it.
Time to face facts. I'm going down and I'm taking you with me. [raspberry]
So unless you're emailing me to offer me a job, do me a big favor and sod off.
Happy Holidays,
cleome
+++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hey, Kids. Got something to get off your chest via open letter ?! Post it here !
-------------------- Hey, Kids! My "Cranky and Kitschy" collage art is now viewable on flickr. Drop by and tell me that I sent you.
From: Vanity, OR | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dear Prop 8 (and other anti-marriage laws) supporters,
When do I get to vote on your marriage?
Love,
Quislet, Esq.
-------------------- Five billion years from now the Sun will go nova and obliterate the Earth. Don't sweat the small stuff!
From: Boston | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Set
There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met.
posted
Dear troops,
Thanks for all your service. Me and my friends held a vote and it was unanimous. Y'all can come home now. Feel free to bill the cost of your return flights to any Senator that voted to send you over there.
cleome46
or you can do the confusion 'til your head falls off
posted
Bwahahahahaaaaaa !!!
Oh, God. It hurts.
-------------------- Hey, Kids! My "Cranky and Kitschy" collage art is now viewable on flickr. Drop by and tell me that I sent you.
From: Vanity, OR | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
Please remove the following phrases from your vocabularies:
1. "Do you work here?" We don't let people who don't work here sit behind the reference desk.
2. "My taxes pay your salary." We know this; however, it does not give you the right to break library rules. We would be very poor stewards of public funds if we allowed everyone who contributed to our funding to do whatever they wanted.
3. "Card catalog(ue)" Do you see any cards on the computer?
4. "It must be so nice to be able to read all these books!" No comment.
Thank you for your consideration.
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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"And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret."
cleome46
or you can do the confusion 'til your head falls off
posted
Rockhopper Lad:
quote: 2. "My taxes pay your salary." We know this; however, it does not give you the right to break library rules. We would be very poor stewards of public funds if we allowed everyone who contributed to our funding to do whatever they wanted.
How about those kids who run around the place yelling and screaming ? Do they get to do that despite their non-taxpayer status, or because of it ?
But I kid you, O screaming kids and your so-indulgent folks. You make me sad to be child-bereft. Carry on.
[raspberry]
-------------------- Hey, Kids! My "Cranky and Kitschy" collage art is now viewable on flickr. Drop by and tell me that I sent you.
From: Vanity, OR | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
No, i do not care to give you my zip code. I do not wish to give you my address. This is a Cash purchase. It is not an opportunity to data mine me. Your understanding of this will result in no further embarrasing situations where i feel compelled to invite you to attach your lips to my posterior.
Sincerely, Rickshaw1.
-------------------- Damn you, you kids! Get off my lawn or I'm callin' tha cops!
Yes, i do understand that the simple fact of you spending twenty minutes in line to assure yourselves of a secure retirement plan by winning the lottery is important to you.
However, everyday things like paying for gas so that i can go to work to earn money to assure myself of a retirement is important to me as well. After purchasing your retirement plan, please move your fat asses out of the way to scratch and win your way to your nice new crib while us simple working folk go on about our business.
Spending ten dollars to win ten dollars and then, without getting out of the way, buy ten more chances may be your idea of fun, but to many, such as myself, it is legitimate grounds for thinning the herd by blunt instrument.
Yes, your child is the most precious child in the world and it is the perfect accessory to your Beamer, you McMansion, you Momvan, and your entry into Buffy-ies R Us. It is also the reason why, after you hold up the line for pics with Santa for over 30 minutes, i will be running you over with my big, redneck pickup in the parking lot later on.
If you must converge with all the other Muffy-ies, Tiffany-ies, Ambers and Savannah's, remember, the Carlenes, Darlenes, Tammys, Ricks, Bubbas, Franks, and Joes grew up poorer, rougher, tougher, nastier, and had to fight much more. We will crush you with glee.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Leroy, the Redneck Santa Killer.
-------------------- Damn you, you kids! Get off my lawn or I'm callin' tha cops!
cleome46
or you can do the confusion 'til your head falls off
posted
Dear Jim Shooter,
I know it's been years, but seriously. I can't go to my final reward without having this question answered: Are you really the one responsible for the brilliance in this link ? And if so, were the experts right to postulate that You Just Didn't Know ?
Really sorry to have diverted this thread from rickshaw's attempts at bringing it true gravitas-- but, damn. Some things could just haunt a woman forever, y'know ?
Also, it's kind of bad that I ran that link by the person I married. Now he'll just be sitting across from me at breakfast and just to amuse himself, he'll say (totally out of the blue) "Penthouse dungeon," in the same tone of voice most people use to say "Please pass the salt." Then he snickers when I choke on my coffee. I hope you're happy, Jim.
If you aren't the responsible party, you must know who is.
BTW, it was really cool meeting you in 1984. The year, not the film.
-------------------- Hey, Kids! My "Cranky and Kitschy" collage art is now viewable on flickr. Drop by and tell me that I sent you.
From: Vanity, OR | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
Your taste is music is divine. And it is so thoughtful of you to share it with me - through my closed windows.
I am thinking long and hard about the best way to pay you back for all the joy you are giving me.
Yours
Quislet, Esq.
PS: leaving your trash cans out blocking the sidewalk is just one more thing that endears you to me.
-------------------- Five billion years from now the Sun will go nova and obliterate the Earth. Don't sweat the small stuff!
From: Boston | Registered: Aug 2003
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Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
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