posted
Thank you too Raz, it's great to hear that the stories are being read and appreciated!
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
quote:Originally posted by Set: Tempus Fugitive is a clever play on words, Harby, love it!
Agreed.
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Raz, once again thank you. I take it you guessed who Rol's father is before the (sort of) reveal? Things are away to get rather difficult for your favourite (male) Naltorian very soon so hang on in there and enjoy the ride.
And I'm loving your latest postlo3w story - I clicked on the link in your sig line and enjoyed the two previous parts, particularly M-E Lad and his gang at Pepto Uni (great name!), Brainy's dismissal of the Supes while he got on with his work and, in the post on this board, the sizzling encounter between Nura and Mysa - there's a huge story coming there isn't there? Lu's acknowledgement that things ain't right was very well written too. Very solid storytelling Raz, you should take a bow.
Speaking of solid story telling I've been meaning to mention for quite a while now just how fantastic Omni's reboot Legion tale is. The scene with Brainy and Rond in the Time Institute is my favourite amongst a very high calibre collection of wonderfully written scenes. Great to see the gang splitting into interesting groups to deal with their situation with the threat of what those that are being sent to the Unit will have to face looming in the background- it has a feel of a classic Adventure-era story and anyone who hasn't tried it yet is missing an absolute treat.
And of course - the return of MEL:TS! I have died and gone to heaven!
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
I thought at first the handyhands thing was just a homage to Mayavale, but then when he started talking about reincarnation it all came together...brilliant!
Thanks for the kudos....I can't take credit for Pepto as that is legit the capital of Bismoll, the stuff with Luornu and Mysa will be bubbling away for a while as it builds up though..
-------------------- Read the alternate adventures of the Legion after Legion of Three Worlds! postlo3w
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted
I request feedback on the "Raltvee" story. We are trying to come to a conclusion, but I am out of ideas.
-------------------- Go with the good and you'll be like them; go with the evil and you'll be worse than them.- Portuguese Proverb
From: Illinois | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
Hi Emily, I have time over the weekend to give it a good thorough read so I'll feedback to you then. I have skimmed parts before (IB saying "Free Beer!" springs to mind as a great line) but I'll read it from start to end and let you know properly.
Ideas will come when don't expect them so don't give up!
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Hey Emily and IB, I've finally read Raltvee, it feels like you are really building up to a mega ending!
Apologies that I've never commented before, I tend to stay away from LWMB stories as I normally can't keep up but as it was just you and IB posting it flowed really well.
I loved the introduction - the excerpts from the travel guide really set the scene. Is Taltve from a previous story? Apologies if I've missed it! It does read that you have a very thorough view of it, from the different regional zones in New Church to the local customs - I especially loved that it was frowned upon to play cards on a Sunday. It's the little touches like that that really help the reader understand where the story is set.
I found Ruth's introduction to be a bit rushed though, it would have been nice to warm to her a bit more - her asking Sebastian if he knew of any rich men who would marry her made her come across as desperate, maybe a bit naive too. I'd really like a bit more character development as I'm sure we have only just scratched the surface of what you have planned for her. It would help the reader sympathise a bit more given the accusations leveled at her later in the story.
The banter between IB and Blaze reads really well, I assume it's taken from real life. I was very surprised by IB and Blaze dallying with Ian.
Sebastian refusing a drink as he had business the next day was a nice touch. He's obviously a determined character - even before we learn about his background in more depth it does come through that you have a very clear idea about this character, his motivations and flaws.
The Tournament was a fun section - it would be nice to see some of those characters again - I loved the name Metal Jaw, it it very evocative and had a metal picture of Jaws from James Bond (maybe it was because he was allied to Octopussy) throughout his fight so would have appreciated a description of him before he fought IB. I didn't understand the stats you used - are they from D+D or another game?
Gideon Albrecht and Doom of Earth Defense are interesting - there is a huge back story there and it's great how you slip pieces into the story without it seeming forced. Love how they are both after Emily too, it added an element of humanity and is a funny scenario to throw into the mix! The try-outs were a surprise, we are so used to powered people that having non-super powered tryouts was a nice touch.
I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this from here. Don't stop now, we need more, more, more!
Thanks, C
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Raltvee has only been in the background until now. I felt that Nasger needed a rival, and so I decided to create a nation which has an extremely different culture. It is only now that I have started to flesh out its society. I am glad I created the Raltveech, because through them I get to explore how a state with a strong constitution interacts with kingdoms and empires. Their system isn't perfect, but the Raltveech have a lot of freedom and rights.
I agree that Ruth is a bit shallow. I have only used her briefly in one other story. Maybe the epilogue of the story will make more interactions likely in the future. Invisible Brainiac will post more soon.
I made up my own stat system, though most of the terms are from previous comic book forums I am on. The Tournaments in general are a homage to the popularity of versus threads (i.e Superman vs. Thor) on other comic book websites. I liked those kind of debates when I was in high school, so I decided to incorporate it into Sebastian's past.
I hope to do more with Earth Defense in the future. I have ideas for Earth Defense members of a variety of countries. Thank you for your compliments and please continue to ask questions. I have lots of notes I would like to share with the public, and if there is an interest I shall post.
-------------------- Go with the good and you'll be like them; go with the evil and you'll be worse than them.- Portuguese Proverb
From: Illinois | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
Gosh! I'm sorry I just read this now. I'd love more notes, for sure. Emily has to be credited for being the "master" plotter - we've mostly been playing off one another's posts here but Emily really has been steering the story the most (thanks Emily!). Usually it's Emily who throws the big arcs and I just catch them and build on them.
The IB-Blaze dynamic is definitely based on real life, as is our implied interest in, er, third parties. We're quite fond of looking at others our age
I think our recent posts have given Ruth a bit more character. I like how she's standing up to William towards the end.
Once I saw that pic on my camera, I knew I had to use it in that silly arc. And thanks for your comment on that Onevision... with a name like "Set," that makes sense that it was right up your alley.
-------------------- See Here for the latest update on the 2013 Chicago Gathering (now including tentative attendance list)
Registered: Feb 2008
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Set
There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met.
posted
quote:Originally posted by Exnihil: Ha, ha... thanks, Set!
Once I saw that pic on my camera, I knew I had to use it in that silly arc. And thanks for your comment on that Onevision... with a name like "Set," that makes sense that it was right up your alley.
Actually, I'm so much *not* a DC guru that I didn't remember who Eclipso was, at the beginning, and had to go look it up.
Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Yeah, where has he been? I need to see an Aberdeen accent put into text.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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