Invisible Brainiac and Kent Shakespeare walked into the MMB to take their shift.
"Hey! Everyone's frozen!" Kent observed. "Even the cameras aren't moving!"
"All right! No more double shifts!"
"But now we can't use the cameras to peek into the girls' locker rooms!"
"Gasp! You're right! How horrible!" IB exclaimed. "Now I'll just have to go back to sneaking in invisibly! Hey, wait a minute - isn't that Pov with Catherine the Great?!"
The two LMBPers stared at the monitor in shock, before moving their eyes to stare at Catherine the Great's skimpy outfit.
"Then, Pov's turned traitor?"
"He must have! And the only one who can stop him is-"
posted
"...Frostfyre, but as far as anyone knows he and Danny Blane are off lounging in the Hot Tubs on Orgasmis Major!"
"Well, there must be someone closer that can help us out!"
With a furious look of concentration on his face, Invisible Brainiac turns invisible, activating the brainiac portion of his powers.
"Let me think a moment... Anyone we send to Orgasmis Major to retrieve them will undoubtedly wind up spending a few weeks enjoying that wonderful planet's incredible hospitality... So who can we do without during this crisis?" He mused.
"Well, all I know is," Kent added, "we have to keep this a secret mission or everyone will volunteer."
"Why, the last thing Thora wants to see is a bunch of men hanging around the hot tub enjoying themselves!" said the intelligent Invisible Brainiac, turning visible. "She'll bring Frosty and Danny back for a flogging immediately!"
"Good plan, but where do we find her?" Kent asked, pausing as he sees one of the monitors. "...why am I seeing Cher and a giant Hostess Fruit Pie in our storage room?"
---
Coming up from Legion World's lower levels, Harbinger and Sonnie Bloke exit the transit tubes to find several LMBers faced off with the Emerald Bosom of Dolly Parton!
"Whoa! That's one big bosom!" Sonnie exclaimed.
Harbinger fumed, not noticing what Sonnie was looking at. "Listen Son, how many times do I have to tell you to look me in the face when...oh! That big emerald one!"
Lard Lad quickly helps free EDE and Miss Terious from the anvil money, all the while hesitant of the Emerald body part. "Shouldn't it be attacking us or something!"
"Dolly must be the key!" EDE deduced. "Surely the bosom won't attack it's old master!"
The Emerald Bosom stares at Dolly Computo for a moment, until it notices the bigger, bouncier replacements that are on the projected country singer. The bosom suddenly glows.
"*gasp* Lardy! Watch out!" Miss Terious shouts, predicting the attack and grabbing Lard Lad away from the first blast.
Harbinger watches the object attack and charges. "Let's go, Sonnie!"
"Wait! Do you hear the sound of sexy female cackling and a low-level sonic scream? There's something going on in the storage room!" Sonnie notices, ears tuned in down another hall as Harbinger whips out a giant tuba and smacks it across the Emerald Bosom. "I better go see what's going on down there!"
posted
Back at the holo-theater, Future and Vee still stand, frozen in time, waiting for something to happen.
"Um...WTF? This is starting to really suck."
"Tell me about it! I have to pee!" adds in Vee.
Then slowly, the world begins swirling around them, and an onslought of colors and smells hits them! Instantly, they feel sick to their stomachs!
Finally, opens his eyes to find that both of them have been teleported far away to a strange land! "Jumpin' Catfish!," says Future, "where are we?"
"You are on the most important of missions," says a voice, as the two turn around to see the silhouette of the LMB Spectre! "And you must figure that out for yourselves! You have no idea how close Legion World is to being destroyed, and how a traitor is currently working against the LMB to destroy it! On this world, Fun-Ke, you will learn all you need to know..."
Quietly, the LMB Spectre dissapeared, leaving Future and Vee wondering what it was they had to do...
Meanwhile, Cobalt Kid, Fat Cramer, Abin Quank and Dev-Em all suddenly appeared in a prison cell on the large ship preparing to destroy Legion World! They were startled to see that in the cell next to them was none other than...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
...you see, my Brood Mother grew fond of the ring leader behind the attacks! She's actually here right now, somewhere, as an honored, enamored guest! The head honcho is quite flattered by her love."
Abin shook his head. "Kid, you've got one interesting family tree."
"Well, as long as she doesn't stand in our way!" Cobalt declared, "Let's get out of here!"
"...but, if you escape, my mother will be killed!" Marvin declared.
Fat Cramer sighed. "Talk about contrieved plot devices. Now what?"
"We'll think of something. In fact, I've got an idea..." Dev-Em schemed. "If anyone who suddenly lusts after this guy becomes his best friend, than maybe we can slip an ace up our sleave."
The LMBers turn to Fat Cramer.
"What? Ohhhhh, no. No way, boys."
---
Moments and a quick talk with a security guard outside later, Fat Cramer is being escorted down the main hallway of the vessel by several armed, masked workers.
"So, quite taken with the master, are you?" The first guard inquired.
"Oh, yes. The master is SO smart and beautiful..." Fat Cramer said sarcastically, dragging her feet at the assignment. "*sigh*"
"You know, master's been watching you from the security cameras. He's quite taken with you and that one Brood Mother we picked up!" The second exclaimed.
Fat Cramer smiled, teeth clenched behind her grin. Those rascals back in the cage definitely owe her a favor, when they're all freed.
---
In the Legion World security office, Invisible Brainiac and Kent Shakespeare quickly try to deduce a way to find Thora of Taltar without drawing attention from the others.
"What's the best way to keep a mission top secret, living in a world filled with hundreds of members who're all after the latest news and gossip?" Kent asked. "We've got to find Thora!"
"You rang?" asked Thora, walking in with her usual, stubborn grace.
"Thora! Wow, uh, that works." Invisible Brainiac mused. "We need your, uh...brilliant help..." IB informed the man-hating ambassador, trying to butter her up.
Thora stood back in amazement. "MY help, eh? Bah! Thora of Taltar does not sink so low as to aid pathetic, helpless males."
"Even if it's to...uh...aid in the downfall of a male-only society on Orgasmis Major?" Kent asked.
Thora's eyes lit up. "The Goddesses have decided to be kind to you! I, Thora of Taltar, will gladly go and help destroy the society. This Orgasmis Major of yours intrigues me."
"Great! Most importantly, be sure to bring Frostfyre and Danny back. They're supporting the government there and will need a swift flogging back at headquarters!" IB informs Thora, outwitting the woman.
"I must leave at once!" Thora declared, cape rushing behind her as she exits.
---
Speaking of Alt IDs, elsewhere in Legion World we find...
Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Speaking of Alt IDs, elsewhere in Legion World, we find the Royal Inquisitor hurling a bomb into the street and then cowardly running off!
"Bah! Whoever is attacking Legion World has my support!"
Luckily, Arachne quickly leapt down and spun a thick web over the bomb until it was layered enough to stop the explosion from doing damage! "What the hell is going on around here...?" she thought.
Then suddenly, the door to the gigantic mother ship hovering over Legion World opened!
Out came hundreds of Gorillas with bat-like wings and gigantic laser-guns in their hands! Immediately, they attacked Legion World!
--------
Meanwhile, Harbinger, Sonnie, EDE, Miss Terious, Lardy and Dolly Computo battled against Poverty Lad, Catherine the Great (who had kidnapped Umber), and the Emerald Bossom of Ekkra!
"We can't let them get near Faraway Lad and Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Deity!" yelled Sonnie!
"I don't think we have to worry about that," said Lardy, "since Far and Big Pie are...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
But suddenly Rob Liefield appears and eliminates all of the bat-winged gorillas with a single stroke of his mighty pencil...
"Bah, already done several thousand times, and thats just in one of my books, I must find a new and more formidable menace for this story..."
He pauses pencil pressed tightly to his forehead, thinking furiously.
"A-Hah, I've got it," he exclaims while scratching furiously at a certain portion of his neither regions. "But what do I replace those bat-winged gorillas with? Hmmm... Well when in doubt the old standbys are the best recourse..."
Suddenly he is gone, vanished back into the neither regions of space and time.
But in the Skies above Legion World the menace of the bat-winged gorillas has been replaced by...
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
"I don't think we have to worry about that," said Lardy, "since Far and Big Pie are...
locked in a passionate embrace.
"Faraway" shouts Harbinger "this is neither the time nor the place young man"
"Actually" says Sonnie Boy "i don't think thats passion, i think Faraway is actually trying to hold the Big pie off"
As Faraway wrestled with the Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Deity they could hear the Deity moaning, saying in a low sultry voice, "take me, take me you know you want to"
Harbinger stood arms crossed looked at Faraway, "You better have a good reason for that"
Faraway struggling with the tasty fruit filling that was oozing down his front, said "I don't know, all I said to Loser was, as an Englishmen, I had never had a Hostess Fruit Pie and this happened"
Just then the ceiling smashed open and a large number of the Jell o Molds of Doom flew into the room and....
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
"Jiggling moons of Naltor!" gasped Miss Terious at the sight of the the Jell-o Molds of Doom.
Harbinger and the others quickly scatter about. "What is with all these giant, sentient snack foods today?" Harbi mused, leaping away from a swooping gelatin.
It seemed neither friend nor foe were safe from the retconned gorillas into jell-o! One quickly lobs over the Emerald Bosom!
Dolly Computo chokes at the sight, a jell-o passing harmlessly over her. "Oh well."
Poverty Lad looks flustered at the loss of his new prize. "My Emerald bounty!"
"Bah! Forget the bosom! We're after the Fruit Pie Deity!" declared Catherine the Great, cracking her whip to ward off an attack. Umber squeels, pinned against Catherine by the villain's spare arm. Luckily, Loser Lad had taken to a nice nap behind the villain (even among the attack), tripping Catherine over him. Umber breaks free and runs from her captor, as Loser quickly wakes up to find the scantilly-clad warrior woman falling onto him.
"Ah!" sighs Loser Lad, coming to and grabbing Catherine in a hug. "I love this job, I tell ya."
Lardy can't help but overhear Catherine's target before she tripped. "That's right! Faraway...eww, uh...get that filling off you and get the Big Pie out of here!"
Despite the rumblings from the Giant Fruit Pie as it practically threw itself at Far, he does as told. Faraway Lad and the Giant Hostess Fruit Pie suddenly find themselves far, far away at...
Registered: Jul 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
His secret hideout inside the super moby dick of space.
"Quick Horace" he shouts to the space whale, "get us out of the danger zone"
And then he turns his attention back to the quivering, excited, Giant Hostess Fruit Pie which was now lying back on his bed, fruit filling oozing out from her.
"take me, take me please" the pie said, enjoy my luscious fruit filling, add cream to me if you want, just take me I'm yours"
"oh boy" said Faraway "the things I have to do for the LMB"
Meanwhile back at HQ Catherine the Great has whipped Loser into submission (for which he will remain eternally grateful) and has turned her attention to the Jell O Moulds...of space.
"Get LardLad" she shouts and the Moulds start to attack him. Slowly they completely cover his body leaving him unable to use the lardforce as it simply splashes back all over him.
With two LMB'ers incapacitated it is up to Harbinger to release the full force of her.......
Yes the amazing lady formerly known as Harbinger, briefly known as Phantax... Phantasmz... Phanny, has now revealed her true identity (at least for this week) of Mrs C B Hill... Mistress of the Thong Force! (for those of you unfamiliar with the Thong Force, think of it as a feminine version of the Lard Force)
...Interlude...
Editor's Note - I have no Idea what happens next or how the Thong Force works, except that it's going to be amazingly funny, so I'm tagging out and going to work, Take over Numf...
...End Interlude...
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
"Well, it seems I have no choice then," Harbinger sighs. "Thanks so much Chuck. I had hoped to keep this week's true identity a secret, at least for another day! But duty calls!"
Gripping the front of her skirt, Harbinger tear it off in one pull, finally revealing herself as the Mistress of the Thong Force.
Everyone in the room (Well, at least those still functioning) gasped!
Gasp!!!
...for there in all her glory, stood Mrs. C. B. Hill defiantly sporting only her official SHAKES silver thong for all to see. Staring down the Giant Jell-o Moulds...of Space & Catherine the Great, the Mrs. reached for the tie strings that hold together the official SHAKES silver thong.
"No, Harbinger, don't!" Miss T yells. "There must be another way."
"No I'm afraid there is no other choice," Mrs. CB Hill affirms and....
...starts playing the thong strings like a harp!
To everyone's amazement and surprise, she began performing a more than adequate rendition of the theme song to that 80's TV program "The Bill Cosby Show"!
(Now as everyone knows, Bill Cosby was the King of Jello back in the 20th Century and even eons later, he is still revered by Jello kind as one of their greatest heroes.)
As the thong strings, as strummed by Harbi, thrummed out strands of the song, a brilliant cloud began to coalesce in the center of the room. Suddenly from that cloud stepped...Bill Cosby!
He looked around with that puzzled look of his for a moment but immediately spotted the Giant Jello Moulds...of Space and said...
-------------------- "Hey Jim! Get Mon out of the Zone!! And...when do we get Condo back?"
From: Paragon City on patrol | Registered: Jul 2003
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