I've provided the link above to part one of an eight part story. The reason that I haven't just written it here is because it gets pretty gruesome later on, and isn't a fluffly, cuddly bedtime story for little children.
So, if you're under 18 don't read it. Or at least don't come complaining to me when you have nightmares about it.
And you will - because that's where I got the idea for the story from - a nightmare that I had. It certainly woke me up, I'll tell you that much. About chapter 5 or 6. The rest is just me being a sick puppy.
From: Scatland | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hi Numf, I can't get into parts 3, 4 or 5 as its of "adult content" and I need to register for that.
Booo!
Still enjoyed what I saw
Luv 2 all
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
I don't know why the site that they're on is letting people read parts 1 & 2 , but not the rest without registering. It has to be said that it does get a bit nasty around part 3, so maybe someone official has made a judgement call.
For anyone that's interested - I'll easily PM the whole story so that you don't have to register if you don't want to.
posted
FYI - there is a part 8 available on Storywrite for you to peruse, which makes it a stand alone story. However, this was actually written to be a part of a story that I've started here some time ago - Sonnie & Numf Go To Hell On A Pushbike (and yes, it seems to have changed from 3rd person to 1st person....).
For anyone that hasn't read the linked story - it's kind of a first person torture / cannibalism story and isn't at all pleasant.
Read on MacDuff ........
--------------------
YOU HAVE FAILED TO SURVIVE LEVEL 1.
DO YOU WISH TO RETRY?
"Don't be fuckin' stupid!" I said.
MEMORY WIPE STARTING IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
"No! Stop! Fuck!"
MEMORY WIPE STARTING. MEMORY WIPE FINISHED.
HELL LEVEL 1 - RESTARTING.
Black . . . . . . .
In my fevered mind as I regained consciousness I remember thinking it funny that they were going to attach the noose at the wrong end. They may have been barely human, but surely they knew how to hang a man?
. . .
A hideous green, out of focus, face appeared before me as he unplugged my headphones and removed the VR headset.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention," he said in a deep warm voice that I almost recognised, but couldn't quite grasp yet, "I should have turned it off before it looped back to the start. Most people don't manage to get half way through. Very few indeed have got past the first calf. I'm very impressed indeed."
I shook my head, realising that I felt incredibly clammy, but still not 100% sure what had transpired.
"Huh?" I enquired, as succinctly as I could at that precise moment. I shook my head to try to clear my vision - it seemed to work. I looked around me.
I was floating on my back in a sensory deprivation tank, in a darkened room. There was a minimal amount of green light. This had obviously created the hideousness in the face of the man leaning over me.
"Don't worry Mr. Numf-El, you'll be better in a few minutes. For the moment, see if you can stand up in the tank, it's not very deep."
I struggled for a few seconds, the offered hand helping me to steady myself. My muscles felt strange now that I had them back, and they weren't quite back up to speed yet. My memory was floating back into place too. Eventually I managed the task, and clambered out to stand dripping in the dark room, the man that I now recognised as Lucifer himself unzipping the VR suit that I was wearing. Which was fine by me, 'cos I couldn't have managed it by myself at that moment.
He wasn't the man of crimson skin, tail and horns that I had been taught to expect. Instead he appeared as a man in his late 50s, tall, sinewy, well dressed in a woolen charcoal grey pinstripe suit. His short, spiky white hair leant him the air of an older, more sophisticated Spike. He appeared calm, and was well spoken. We had met briefly on my way in.
"How long?" I managed to ask.
The Lord of Lies shrugged, looking at his wristwatch. "Twenty minutes or so." He shrugged again. "It's funny, but that's always the first question everyone asks."
My jaw flapped open and closed.
My mind was sending me flashbacks of memories. Twenty minutes! How could it be? I could have sworn that it was somewhere between three and eight days.
"If you look closely at your memories you will see that there are actually large gaps in the time you spent there. It feels logical and progressive at the time, but in reality we just feed more memories in at relevant points," Lucifer added - he'd obviously explained this a few times. He bent my leg at the knee so that he could remove the suit from around my foot.
"But it's all just ones and zeroes, isn't it? Just virtual reality?" I asked. I needed to be sure, because it had felt SO real. I started to check my fingers and arms, touching my face to make sure it was still there.
"Other foot please. Thank you. I'd like to say yes, but no, it's not virtual reality. It's possible reality. It's the promise of reality to come if you step out of line. It's a threat, in effect," he'd obviously done this before too, because he ploughed on without having to look at my face for the stupid look that was there. "This place, as you probably remember by now, is Hell. With a capital H. We used to just be the final resting place for non believers. Very peaceful it was too. More just tending the daisies than anything else. "Then that cunt Dante came along." This was the first time I had heard anything approaching anger in his voice. But there was hurt too.
"And the Christian faith started preaching fire and brimstone. Threatening people with eternal damnation and flaming pits if they didn't do as the church wanted them to do. But, being stupid, they lapped this shit up! 'We have a loving all powerful god above us who gave us free will, but unless we do exactly what this small, bald, ugly, angry man in front of us says we will burn for eternity!' It's no wonder people eventually voted with their feet. But only after centuries of believing. But I suppose everyone wants to believe that they, and only they and theirs will be saved, and that everyone else is wrong. Selfish bastards. "And what people believe they'll find in the afterlife, well, that's what they generally get. So we needed the eternal damnation and pain. And for centuries that's exactly what they got. Serves them right for believing it, if you ask me. "And I have hated every second of it." He sighed. "Hated inflicting pain on even the most wretched sinner. Don't forget, I'm an angel after all, only fulfilling Gods will. I'd much rather be sitting on a cloud with a harp...."
I knew he was lying at that point.
He looked up at me from his prone position.
"Okay, I really fancy one of those electric guitars that they have these days."
I nodded.
Lucifer stood up and moved across the room to hang up the VR suit on its peg to drip dry. He flipped the switch on the wall and the cold hard flourescents flickered alive, to show row upon row of sensory deprivasion chambers.
"So," I said, "let me get this straight - everybody who gets sent to this place gets their memories wiped and a warning shot across the bows like I just did, and if they don't buckle down and play the game then they get it for real?"
"Almost right. This room only holds the Level 1 tanks. There are nine levels, remember. Thanks to Dante."
"So, in effect, that was the Disney version?"
"In effect, yes. Most people are so relieved to find out it isn't real once they get out of the tanks that they are good as gold afterwards. There are only a few repeat offenders." confirmed Lucifer.
"Really?" I asked.
"Well, what do you think? Do you want to risk having to do that seventy two times a day for the rest of time?"
I thought - but not for very long. "It's a fair cop. Which flower beds do you want me to tend?"
Lucifer laughed.
[ November 28, 2006, 07:43 AM: Message edited by: Ghost of Numf El ]
From: Scatland | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
LOL! Great twist ending, Numf! Misunderstood Lucifer... maybe he needs a PR firm to rehab his image.
The torture - did you ever see Marathon Man? A very memorable dentist scene there, which your one of your chapters evokes.
Reading all the torture scenes I was thinking that a lot of this is probably going on somewhere in our reality. Out of your nightmares and into some poor soul's rendition, or vice-versa. All the more chilling for it.
If you've read the long-winded first part (Sonnie & Numf Go To Hell On A Pushbike) you'll see that I wrote Jesus as a bit of a spoilt brat, so I had to keep up with the idea of major characters not being as expected. There's a lot more to come - but I've got no idea what yet.
I've heard of the dentist scene in Marathon Man - Is it safe? - but I've never actually seen it. I have seen Steve Martin as the dentist in Little Shop Of Horrors though - and that's scary!
From: Scatland | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ghost of Numf El: I've heard of the dentist scene in Marathon Man - Is it safe? - but I've never actually seen it.
It's safe enough, ratings-wise (I think - no sex, anyways) but best to have any dental work done before you see it. I still get chills and I saw it maybe 20 years ago.
Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic | Subscribe To Topic
