posted
I realized recently that the LMB fic I'm currently writing, "The Long Klordny" is getting quite a bit longer than I originally planned (believe it or not, I originally actually thought I would do a 13 chapter deal, to mirror the structure of the Batman story, "The Long Halloween".)
In any case, I know that one of the things that always kept me from jumping into the collaborative piece, "The Lord of the Oval" that you guys wrote, is that - if I stepped away from it for a month or so - I found I was completely lost in the plot.
Since my own story is a noir piece - and accordingly has many twists and turns - I figured that if I wanted to be writing it for the enjoyment of anybody other than myself, it might be a good idea to provide a "Cliffs Notes" version, so anybody looking to read it wouldn't be lost. (It also gives me a good start to eventually transport it over to the LMB wiki).
So...
************************
The story thus far...
Prologue
On Christmas night, 3011, a critically wounded Exnihil - the owner of the holo studio, Exnihil Productions, stumbles into his office and, bleeding out, begins to record a confession intended for Security Office chief, Matlock, recounting events that began the previous August, on the night of the Legion World holiday, Klordny.
Part I
Chapter 1
Ex tells the tale of the Klordny night when he met with holo director, Director Lad, and Junior Handsome - the son of the late mob boss, Molock Handsome - with his younger sister, Lotta Handsome, in tow, over dinner and drinks to negotiate a deal for a reality series based upon Junior's efforts to legitimize their family name.
Chapter 2
While at dinner, however - during a dance with Lotta Handsome - Ex learns that it's actually Lotta who controls the family fortune and that she has her own intentions for how the series should be slanted, geared more as a "tell-all". She invites Ex back to her hotel in Zaryan's Casino to discuss this further.
Chapter 3
Later that night, Ex makes his way to the Casino, attempting not to be seen on the way to Lotta's room. On the casino floor, however, he spies the elegant, but corrupt, Legion World businessman Tamper Lad with a woman Ex recognizes as Venusian heiress, Angora Swetters. Ex also sees a harried man at the slots that he has a vague recollection of - but can't quite place.
Chapter 4
Making his way upstairs to Lotta's hotel room, Ex finds her door unlocked and the sounds of a shower running. He sees a note telling him to make a drink, which he does, but then grows concerned when - after a great deal of time - Lotta still hasn't emerged. Forcing the bathroom door open, Ex finds her decapitated body on the floor, and her head in the sink.
Chapter 5
Panicking, Ex quickly attempts to hide any evidence that he was ever in Lotta's room. Fleeing the scene, he tries to exit the casino - again without being seen - but accidentally runs into the man he had seen earlier at the slots, a lawyer named Kid Quislet who, after a brief conversation, Ex pegs as a gambling addict. With bigger things on his mind - Ex quickly leaves.
Chapter 6
Incredibly upset by the night's events, Ex wanders down to the Casino's boardwalk to clear his head. As the sun rises, Ex observes a beautiful young Asian girl practicing martial arts moves on the beach, but he's unsure of whether she sees him. Ex also discovers - to his great dismay - that he has accidentally taken Lotta Handsome's Omnicom from her room, a newer model that he knows has a tracking device.
Chapter 7
Ex hurries home to attempt to incinerate the Omnicom, destroying any evidence against him. While travelling there, however, he examines it, looking for any clues. Accessing her recent history, Ex discovers a conversation that indicates the note he found in Lotta's room was not intended for him at all, but rather for Tamper Lad, who Lotta was to have met with earlier. Reaching his neighborhood, he incinerates the Com.
Chapter 8
Exhausted, Ex reaches his own flat and collapses, but is plagued by nightmares (containing a great deal of symbolism relevant to his dilemma, but which will only become evident to him later). His fitful sleep is finally broken the next day by a call from Junior Handsome, who - concerned about his sister - had her hotel room opened, only to find it had been completely cleared out.
Chapter 9
Confused by the disappearance of Lotta's body, Ex reviews in his mind again all the events leading to this point, trying to figure out how this all happened and who would have the motive - both to kill Lotta, and then to cover it up. Ex goes back to his office where he finds the Security Office detective, Matlock, waiting to question him.
Chapter 10
Matlock questions Ex about his involvement with Lotta Handsome, trying to discern if he has any info about her disappearance. Although on the surface Matlock gives a somewhat erratic appearance, Ex gets the distinct impression Matlock is smarter than he appears, and is implying he knows Ex is lying, even revealing that they've found the tracking device from Lotta's com and are in the process of tracing it. Matlock leaves and, immediately, Ex calls someone he knows he can trust - his friend, Emily Sivana.
Chapter 11
Meeting Emily Sivana at SHAKES bar, Ex explains his situation, telling Emily the entire story about Lotta's death and disappearance, and about his accidental involvement. He tells her that he's really worried about what Matlock may or may not know and asks Emily if she will covertly tail him. Emily agrees.
Chapter 12
A week passes as Ex tries to maintain a semblance of a normal life. He finally hears from Emily, who informs him she's no longer tailing Matlock, but rather following a trail off-planet to Earth that may reveal that Lotta's death is part of a much larger conspiracy. She tells Ex to meet with a contact she had earlier spoken with - Eddie Stilton, the Blue Cheese Lad - a former member of Primary Color Gang. Before he can get any additional info, Ex is interrupted as he accidentally stumbles into the Asian girl he had seen on the beach.
Chapter 13
Apologizing for running into her, Ex is very taken with this girl and begins to chat her up, asking if she'd like to go for coffee with him. She agrees to meet him later and reveals herself, much to Ex's dismay, as My Whee Fem, a Security Office evidence handler.
Chapter 14
Departing My Whee, Ex attempts to reach Emily again, but - before he can - he realizes he's being followed by two large men. Ex attempts to flee, but the two chase him into an alley and beat him up as Ex loses consciousness.
Chapter 15
Ex awakens in the "Wellesley Room" of Tamper Lad's Evil Genius Supper Club. Affecting a supercilious attitude, Tamper reveals that he is completely aware that Ex had been meant to meet Lotta Handsome on Klordny and that he thinks it's likely that Ex killed her. Ex denies meeting with her, but can't maintain the lie when Tamper brings in Kid Quislet, who had seen Ex that night. Tamper states that Lotta's death only concerns him because the two of them had been in negotiations over an artifact that Tamper has long sought, called, "The Middle Finger of Ekron".
Chapter 16
Tamper Lad relates to Ex the long tale of his quest for the artifact and how, after years of searching, it was due to be in his possession but - through a mishap - it has wound up being shipped to Earth, a planet he is legally barred from. Tamper basically blackmails Ex, telling him that he, accompanied by Kid Quislet, will travel to Earth to retrieve this and, in return, Tamper will ensure that his moles in Security Office will make sure the Omnicom evidence against Ex goes missing.
Chapter 17
Following the meeting with Tamper Lad, Ex confronts Kid Quislet, incredibly angry that he provided the info necessary to allow Tamper to blackmail him, and demands to know if he is being blackmailed, as well. Kid Quislet reveals that, on the surface, yes, Tamper is blackmailing him, but it's actually a ruse. Kid Quislet claims he is not a gambling addict, but rather a counter mole working for the Security Office to bring down Tamper Lad.
Chapter 18
Ex heads back to his flat to clean up after having been beaten up and again collect his thoughts. He suddenly realizes that, given the day's events, he never had the chance to meet with Eddie Stilton, but then also realizes that he is supposed to meet My Whee Fem. Weighing the options, he decides to go see My.
Chapter 19
Ex meets My Whee Fem for coffee and engages in some light flirting. She is slightly distracted, earlier in the day having had some evidence (on the Lotta Handsome missings persons case) wind up missing. Ex realizes that Tamper Lad has already made good on his promise. Ex and My's date is cut short, as My receives a call from the Security Office that there is an emergency situation at Eddie Stilton's home.
Chapter 20
Not wanting to leave her quite yet, Ex takes a ride with My Whee to Stilton's. En route, she grows pensive, reflecting on how, years ago, Stilton used to work for own father, the deceased Sino-Koreapolian mobster, My Yeol Min. Ex is shocked by her parentage, and she explains how, as a child, she was brought to the Legion World Orphanage following the murder of her parents at the hands of Molock Handsome. She further opens up, revealing how, even to this day, she resents Molock's children Lotta and Junior, and the irony of the fact that she is working a missing persons case for a girl whose death she'd probably welcome.
Chapter 21
Arriving at Stilton's, Ex realizes it is a crime scene. As My departs inside, Ex is confronted by Matlock who, in his erratic fashion, reveals to Ex that Stilton was attacked earlier in the day, and is in a coma after having had his throat slit. Again, Matlock implies that Ex may have a connection to these events, but is brought up short, interrupted by the arrival of LMB Enquirer reporter, Phil Marlowe. Marlowe attempts to pester Matlock over an ongoing story he's been tracking regarding a cover-up of the drug problem and possible disappearance of the heiress, Angora Swetters - the same woman Ex had seen in the Casino during Klordny.
Chapter 22
Returning home again, Ex receives another call from Emily, en route to Earth. Ex tells her about Stilton and Emily reveals - while she was tailing Matlock - she discovered that Stilton was a stoolpigeon working with the Security Office. She said Stilton had told her he knew Ex was innocent, but that to get the real story she should track down his old PCG teammate, now a boxer on Earth named the Red Fist. Ex tells Emily of his encounters with Tamper Lad, Kid Quislet, and My Whee Fem and, incredulous, Emily says that all three are lying to him.
Chapter 23
Ex tries to defend My Whee Fem to Emily, but once Emily lays out the unlikelihood of the details of their encounter, Ex begrudgingly has to admit it sounds like a set up. The next day, attempting to discern some sort of pattern to Stilton and the Red Fist's knowledge of the Lotta Handsome murder, Ex retreats to his screening room to review all the footage from a Primary Color Gang documentary his company had made years ago.
Chapter 24
At the end of ten days of searching every last bit of footage - as well as additional information from the Enquirer that Ex obtained from Phil Marlowe in exchange for a tip on the whereabouts of Angora Swetters - Ex discovers an excised piece of footage wherein Eddie Stilton relates the story of the Red Fist. Years ago, Red had been an up and coming boxer, and the secret lover of Lotta Handsome. Looking to ingratiate himself to his then-boss Molock Handsome, Stilton had blown the whistle on the relationship. In retaliation, Molock forced Red to both end the relationship and to take a dive in a fight, which ruined his career.
Chapter 25
Ex, reflecting on all he's learned, is interrupted by a visit from My Whee Fem, who doesn't understand why he's been avoiding her. Though Ex wants nothing more than to believe her, he can't run the risk that My is secretly just trying to get info for Matlock, so he acts very cold to her. My - returning the coldness in kind - tells Ex that, while he's been locked away, Junior Handsome has lobbied to have Lotta officially declared dead, and that the Security Office is now considering this a murder case.
Part II
Chapter 26
The day of Lotta Handsome's funeral, Ex reflects on everything that has passed, and all the myriad parties involved.
Chapter 27
Ex attends the funeral of Lotta Handsome - an event attended by the most wealthy and powerful residents of Legion World. Again, Ex reflects on Lotta's murder and is haunted by his memories. At the arrival of Tamper Lad to the funeral, Ex realizes that it's only a matter of time before he'll have to go to Earth to retrieve the artifact for him.
Chapter 28
Junior Handsome delivers a eulogy for his sister, during which he talks about the twin lessons his father taught him regarding responsibility and punishment. At the conclusion, Junior ominously vows that whoever murdered his sister will, one way or another, be brought to justice.
Chapter 29
After the funeral, Tamper tells Ex that time has come for he and Kid Quislet to depart for Earth, but first he requires Ex to come to the Supper Club to discuss a new development. On his way to his car, Ex is intercepted by reporter, Phil Marlowe, who asks Ex to take a ride with him. Marlowe believes - based on the tip Ex gave him - that Angora Swetters stay at the rehab clinic is being faked, paid for by a company owned by Tamper Lad's close friend, Colonel Wellesley. He asks Ex to help him prove this - Ex's involvement with Tamper previously revealed to him by the driver, who is revealed to be a disguised Emily Sivana.
Chapter 30
Marlowe explains his plan. He wants Ex, during his mission for Tamper Lad - using faked press credentials he will provide - to get the shipping info on the artifact, which he believes will show Wellesley's company involved in illegal activity. Marlowe says this will give him the leverage to demand that Wellesley's finances are opened, blowing the lid off of a massive story of corruption and their involvement in the Swetters cover-up. Although reluctant, a glance from Emily tells Ex there is more going on here, and he agrees.
Chapter 31
While Marlowe leaves, Emily explains to Ex that she is just using Marlowe to get Ex the press credentials. He needs these in order to get past the security around the Red Fist in Sino-Koreapolis, where he is staging his comeback fight. Red is being guarded against an assassination attempt from the local mob, who still have a vendetta for the Handsome-ordered dive years ago. Emily has spoken with Red, who claims he will help Ex clear his name in exchange for the excised piece of footage recounting the dive and Red's former relationship with Lotta.
Chapter 32
Ex and Emily continue on to Exnihil Productions. En route, Emily gives some additional background on the Red Fist situation, and explains her own motivations for helping Ex. Before departing, she reveals some surprising information to Ex that - in addition to himself and Kid Quislet traveling to Earth for Tamper Lad's retrieval mission - there will apparently be two other individuals accompanying him.
Chapter 33
Ex returns to his office to retrieve the excised footage for delivery to the Red Fist. While there, he reflects, both upon the possible motivations the Fist could have for wanting the clip, and upon the poor way he treated My Whee Fem. Ex resolves, prior to his departure for Earth, to make things right with My.
Chapter 34
Tracking down My Whee Fem at Cafe Cramer, Ex is surprised to see her meeting with Kid Quislet. He observes the two covertly, then confronts My after Kid Quislet departs. Ex attempts to apologize for his previous behavior, but My rejects his attempts. Ex finally relents, and is about to leave, when his comment that he will be traveling to Earth for Tamper Lad completely shocks her.
Chapter 35
My Whee Fem's lack of knowledge of the Tamper Lad situation causes Ex to reevaluate her actions over the past few weeks. Realizing he misjudged her, Ex questions her about the Security Office's actions in both the Lotta Handsome and the Eddie Stilton cases. My reveals that - as far as she knows - Ex has never been considered a suspect. He further asks her whether the Security Office has a mole inside Tamper's org. Ex takes her silence as confirmation of Kid Quislet's role. Ex leaves to confront Tamper Lad.
Chapter 36
Confronting Tamper Lad at the Evil Genius Supper Club, Ex informs him that he has no intention of traveling to Earth for him. Dismissing Ex's protests, Tamper makes Ex a drink, explaining that he is aware that Kid Quislet is a Security Office mole and that he intends on "eliminating" him during the journey to Earth. As Ex attempts to attack Tamper, he realizes his drink has been drugged, and he loses consciousness.
Chapter 37
Under the influence of the drugging, Ex is again haunted by a strange dream (again with an unknown significance). He wakes in a hovercar en route to the Earth shuttle, driven by one of Tamper's men. Ex threatens to go to the authorities with Tamper's intent to kill Kid Quislet, until the thug reveals a barely-veiled threat against My Whee Fem. The thug also reveals that it is not Tamper's men who are going to kill Kid Quislet, it is Ex himself.
Chapter 38
Tamper Lad's two thugs, Al and Rocco - with Ex and Kid Quislet in tow - board the shuttle to Luna. Confused by Kid Quislet's nonchalance about their situation, Ex tries to mentally puzzle out the details of the Security Office's sting operation. Coming to the conclusion that a Security Office contingent must be present on Earth, Ex hatches a plan to alert them of Kid Quislet's pending assassination.
Chapter 39
Within the shuttle bathroom, Ex secretly attempts to make a call to the Security Office (on his Omnicom that Al and Rocco failed to confiscate). As the result of a memory drain from the credentials that Phil Marlowe had loaded, however, Ex is only able to make a single call to My Whee Fem. He warns her of her own surveillance and tells her to send a Security Office backup to Luna to save Kid Quislet. Before she can respond fully though, the call is disconnected.
Chapter 40
Arriving on Luna, Al and Rocco drive Ex and Kid Quislet out into the crater-strewn wastelands beyond the Lunar shuttle port. Suddenly realizing their intent, Kid Quislet makes an escape attempt by leaping out of the moving hovercar but badly injures his leg in the process. He continues to limp away as Al - ignoring Rocco's initial protests - hands Ex a blaster and tells him it's time to finish the job.
Chapter 41
Out of options, Ex follows Kid Quislet into the Lunar crater with a blaster. Begging for his life, Kid Quislet lets loose with a barrage of info including the facts that: he is not a Security Office mole; he is in gambling debt to Tamper Lad; he helped Junior Handsome to have Lotta declared dead; and that My Whee Fem is merely a client of his, not a S.O. contact. Ex doesn't know if any of this is true, but before he can drill him further, Tamper's man Al appears over the hill aiming a blaster at Ex, telling him either Kid Quis dies, or Ex does. With Al's blaster aimed at Ex, and Ex's aimed at Kid Quislet, suddenly, a shot rings out.
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posted
Cool, I'm glad you guys liked the "summary" idea.
Given the "serialized" nature of the stories we write, I think it's a nice aid for anyone who wants to follow along, but obviously can't remember every last detail of something that was written like three months back (myself included!). What I'll do is just keep editing the first post to add additional chapters as they're written - that way it all stays consolidated in one spot.
The other thing I thought I could use this thread for - if people dig it - is a series of ongoing annotations. This story is sort of my love letter to both film noir and to the LMB and, accordingly, has a ton of references to both (and in some cases, more than just reference - actually wholesale theft. )
Since, obviously, not everybody has seen the same movies - or read the same books - I thought I could use this thread to fill in the blanks. None of this is essential to the story, but consider it the "Special Features" disc, if you enjoy that sort of thing. I know I always dig hearing about stuff like that, as I did in the behind the scenes discussions during Lord of the Oval.
Let me know if you like this idea, and I can keep adding more of these on days when I'm not actually into writing. That way I can keep my own momentum going.
So...
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Annotations
Title and Story Origin
- The title, "The Long Klordny" is actually a double reference. The first is to the 1953 Raymond Chandler detective novel, "The Long Good-bye":
"The Long Good-bye" is one of the classics of noir fiction, featuring the well-known fictional detective, Philip Marlowe (a name which, itself, will be referenced later in "The Long Klordny"). When choosing the title, I really liked how closely the word "Klordny" suggested "Goodbye" with the placement of the "O", "D", and "Y".
- The second reference, then, is to the Loeb/Sale Batman miniseries, "The Long Halloween" (which probably, itself, was inspired by "The Long Good-bye"):
- My original idea for how to write "The Long Klordny" was to mirror the structure of "The Long Halloween" - a 13 part murder mystery that spanned a full year. I planned on each chapter being told from a different person's point of view, and landing on a series of odd holidays (Talk Like a Pirate Day, Canadian Thankgiving, Pi Day, etc.) I even referenced it being a year long in the epilogue of an earlier story I wrote here:
All I knew back then was that, if I ever got around to writing it, I didn't want it to be a superhero story, but rather a hard-boiled story just using the LMB characters that I felt best fit certain noir archetypes - The Detective, The Femme Fatale, The Girl Friday, etc.
Looking at that first in-story reference, I'm glad that most of it is surviving into the story I'm actually writing. Matlock, Red Arrow (though just called Emily Sivana), and My Whee Fem, along with the concept of "The Klordny Killer" targeting members of the Handsome family, all made it in.
- The one thing I did drop - once I decided not to go with the "Long Halloween" pastiche - was the character of "Skulivard Nox". Skulivard was a throwaway joke I made many moons ago, before I ever even joined Legion World:
...but I always really dug the name. Obviously it's a play on "School of Hard Knocks", but something about "Skulivard" makes me just think "villain" - so I recycled the name for "Whatever Happened to Middlefinger IX," recasting him as an insane Coluan, as suggested by the name "Nox". From that story:
"After being institutionalized, [Middlefinger VI] was accidentally killed when a ping pong ball was lodged in his throat during a heated game with the mad Coluan, Skulivard Nox. Feeling that he had been shown his destiny, Nox escaped the asylum, becoming perhaps the most bizarre incarnation to date, Middlefinger VII. Embarking upon a nearly year-long spree of seemingly pointless crimes, his insane pattern was finally discerned by the Legion World detective, Matlock, who arrested Nox, returning him to the asylum where he still remains.
So, when I first came up with the idea for "The Long Klordny" as a "Long Halloween" take, I intended to use Nox in the same way as the Batman villain, The Calendar Man, had been used there... as sort of a Hannibal Lecter type - an elegant, but insane supergenius who Matlock would consult with to try to discern the true identity of the "Klordny Killer".
Once I got thinking about how the story was going to play out though, two things conspired against Skulivard.
Firstly... Tamper Lad. I knew that I definitely wanted to use Tamper as one of the antagonists, and two elegant Coluans seemed like overkill. Secondly, once I decided that the entire story would be told as a first person flashback from Ex's perspective, I couldn't figure out how to have the Matlock/Skulivard exchange happen in Ex's presence without it seeming very contrived.
Perhaps Matlock does still meet with Skulivard off-panel, but we definitely won't be seeing it in the story.
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- This entire prologue is almost a beat-for-beat lift from my all-time favorite film noir - the 1944 film, "Double Indemnity":
"Double Indemnity" was cowritten by - again - Raymond Chandler, and director Billy Wilder, based on an earlier novella by James M. Cain.
The opening framing sequence is probably 8 of my favorite minutes in cinema, ever. I couldn't find it online as a single clip, but these two together comprise it:
with the latter containing the majority of my dialog lifts for The Long Klordny.
- " Didn't recognize you for a second there, Mr. Nihil"
Exnihil is the main character, and the narrator for the entire story - with the exception of this 3rd person prologue. Ex has been established in the LMB-verse as a very full of himself - at times greedy, but basically good - businessman on Legion World. He is a holo-producer for Exnihil Productions. His appearance is patterned on classic comedic actor, Leo Gorcey, of the "Dead End Kids" and the "Bowery Boys" fame, who I sort of look like in real life (short, pugnacious, with slicked back hair):
- "he reached inside of his coat for a package of Cargitte trigarettes"
One of Ex's earlier business ventures was the Legion World tobacco shop, the Tobacconihilist. Early in that thread's history, the poster STU first came up with the concept of "Carggite Trigars":
I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to smoke one of those - the idea kind of grosses me out, actually - but, from that time on, that's what Ex has been shown to smoke, here adapted to the smaller, "trigarette" version.
- "Up next: Kent Shakespeare's annual holiday toast"
This opening sequence takes place on Christmas night and, therefore, it makes sense that this famous Legion World staple would be broadcast, as seen:
- "Exnihil to Legion World Security Office, Matlock."
Matlock is the Security Office detective to whom Ex is recording this entire story. I'm going to hold off on annotating Matlock until I get to his first featured chapter.
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- "It was August 13th, 3011 to be exact. Klordny."
"Klordny" is the fictitious 30th century holiday, first shown in Superboy and the Legion of Superheroes #232.
Although - in that story - it's shown to be a week-long festival, here I've narrowed it down to just a single day: August 13th. This is in honor of the birthday of Micheal Grabois, Legion fan extraordinaire, who ran the fantastic Legion blog, "The Legion Omnicom" at adventure247.blogspot.
Michael is also a member of Legion World, under the screenname - what else - "Klordny".
His earlier site, explaining the ins and out of the Klordny Fest is
This is the traditional Klordny toast, as shown in the S & the LSH #238
- "saving the Arcturian Octopods"
This reference is actually me misremembering, and conflating two different things from Action Comics #383. In that story, Chameleon Boy transforms into a "Luvan Octoid Man" but earlier, at dinner was eating "Arcturian Blue Corn". Somehow, in my mind, they became one thing.
- "my usual table in the Overlook Room of Danny Blain's Beacon Restaurant"
This location is from an actual Legion World thread,
by the poster Mattropolis (formerly known as Danny Blaine). This restaurant was formerly known as "Danny Blaine's Starfield Lounge"
- "trying to sweet talk Director Lad"
To the best of my knowledge, the poster Director Lad had no established LMB history prior to this appearance, so I've taken the liberty - since I've met him several times in real life - of co-opting his character for use here as an "industry friend" of Ex's.
For his appearance, in keeping with the classic style of the story, I imagined him looking like the silent film star, Harold Lloyd:
...as he has the sort of thinness and angularity of the real Director Lad (though not Sudro's cool hair. )
I imagine his character, however, to be more like Richard E. Grant from the Robert Altman neo-noir film, "The Player"
...incredibly exuberant, married to the art of his craft, but slightly naive about the economic concerns of cinema. Below is the exact scene I had in mind while writing Director Lad:
- "I mean, come on... the Handsome Cartel?" - "Large Handsome and his brother Molock each basically terrorized the galaxy as the super-villain, Middlefinger.
The Handsome family - and the concept of the supervillain, Middlefinger - is a reference that goes back to 2004, and is the original invention of Eryk Davis Ester.
He and Cobalt Kid fleshed out the long, storied history of the Middlefinger legacy:
With regard to Middlefinger II - basically mirroring the first Legion story featuring the villain, "Starfinger" (his own name being a play on the James Bond villain, "Goldfinger") from Adventure Comics #'s 335 and 336 - early in the LMB's history, they encountered a villain called "Middlefinger". Upon his capture, however, he was revealed to be a hypnotized Lash Lad, doing the bidding of his evil boyfriend, "Large Handsome". This is a play on words from the original Starfinger story where the villain who had hypnotized Lightning Lad was named "Lars Hanscom".
Further down the trail, Eryk came up with another iteration - Middlefinger IV - who was Large's unnamed brother who had - in keeping with the tradition of the current Middlefinger always murdering the previous - assumed the title after killing his brother's killer.
When I wrote my own story, "Who was Middlefinger IX?", I decided to name this brother, "Molock" - in keeping with the retcon introduced in Legion of Super-Heroes, volume 4, whereby "Molock the Merciless" from Adventure Comics #319 was recast as "Molock Hanscom" or "Starfinger III".
As both of those two are dead in LMB continuity, I thought that it was a shame that such a rich idea as an organized crime family on Legion World should die with them. I decided that Molock had a couple of unrevealed kids, "Molock Handsome, Jr." and "Carlotta 'Lotta' Handsome" who would be the centerpiece around which "The Long Klordny" revolved. I will get more into the descriptions of Junior and Lotta in the annotations for the next chapter.
- "We call it, 'Growing Up Handsome'"
This is a reference to the short-lived A&E Reality show, "Growing Up Gotti"
that followed the lives of the children of imprisoned crime boss, John Gotti. It was really such a perfect fit for the story I was telling and - come on - "Growing Up Handsome" is a great name!
- "The Engine Joe Story?"
"Engine Joe" is, quite possibly the earliest LMB reference of all. He is basically both the "Superboy" and "R.J. Brande" of the LMB.
From Cobalt Kid's "Written History of the LMB":
"Real History - On the old DC Boards, there were two boards, the Legion of Super-Heroes Board and the Legionnaires Board. Everyone posted on the LSH board, while no one did on the L* board...except Engine Joe. For months, he single-handedly kept it alive so the moderator would not delete it from existence. Most of the LMB would not know about his efforts until he left the boards a week earlier (sadly ironic since he never saw the LMB, which started partly because of his inspiration).
LMB Continuity - In an era with few heroes, the sad 20th Century, one man stood apart from the rest and performed many Heroic deeds--Engine Joe. He was a virtual Superman, as heroic and brave as he was smart and crafty, and with numerous abilities and super-powers to go with it. So great was his influence that he would be remembered as a great hero for one thousand years. Little is known about what happened to him, and most still don't know to this day. Unknown to the LMB , Engine Joe lived on for a thousand years, adopting the name R. Engine J. Brande and living life as a industrialist and philanthropist in the 30th century"
- "Director Lad started talking faster than a Mark-10 cruiser."
The Mark X is the classic Legion cruiser, first seen in Superboy #193:
- "more bodies than a whole asteroid field worth of Shaghallas"
Shanghalla is the memorial asteroid in the Legion's universe, first introduced in Adventure Comics #341
- "This gal had more curves than the Kessel Run, and legs that seemed to go on a lot longer than twelve parsecs."
This is a classic "Star Wars" reference that any fan worth their salt remembers. It's from Han Solo's description, "You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?…It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs."
The joke is that a "parsec" is a measure, not of time, but of distance so, for many years, Star Wars fans have debated about how this is possible. In the context of "The Long Klordny", Ex actually gets the usage of "parsec" correct (amazingly!)
- "this girl had seen more parties than a Venturan DJ"
I don't really know what this means.
"Ventura" is the casino planet of the Legion's universe, first introduced - believe it or not - in a Superman/Batman story from World's Finest Comics #150.
I guess I'm saying that Ventura is known for parties... a lot of them are probably DJ'ed... and, therefore - if Lotta has seen more parties that - then she's seen a lot of parties.
I dunno...not every one is a winner.
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posted
I am starting to catch up, at chapter 23 now. Greatest line thus far (out of many contenders): "Emily's words hung in the air like a gang of Kryptonian criminals jeering at me from the Phantom Zone"
From: Vancouver, BC, Canada | Registered: Dec 2003
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Thanks, Kent, I'm so glad you're reading it!
Of all the "creative" projects I've tried here on Legion World, this story is really the one closest to my heart, so I'm super stoked that it's caught the interest of some people.
As mentioned previously, Junior Handsome is my own invention, created to continue the "Handsome" line that Eryk Davis Ester and Cobalt Kid came up with.
I imagined Junior as a very threatening looking, but sort of oafish guy. Had his father lived, tradition would have had Junior as the next in line as head of the family, but he likely would have been an extremely violent don, ala "Sonny Corleone" from the "Godfather".
Just as in that movie, Vito Corleone states that "Sonny was a bad don", I think Molock had misgivings about his own son's temperament, which is why he left Lotta in charge of the fortune. As it stands - without his father's influence - Junior took a different path, but he still has that element inside him.
For his appearance, I imagined him looking like character actor, Ward Bond:
probably best known nowadays as "Bert the Cop" from "It's a Wonderful Life". The performance that inspired me to use him here, though, was as the police detective in "The Maltese Falcon".
- "While Junior and Sudro were sinking each other's battleships, Lotta Handsome was busy with a game of her own. From the way she had been looking at me for the last half hour, I wouldn't have been surprised at all if it was "twister" this girl had in mind."
Just some sexy boardgame humor.
- "Lotta Handsome"
Carlotta "Lotta" Handsome is also my own invention. She is the "Femme Fatale" archetype around which the entirety of this story revolves.
I first came up with her name as a play on words - "Lot of Handsome" - but it wasn't until the later scene at Tamper Lad's club that I realized her name had to be short for "Carlotta".
I figured that Tamper Lad was so urbane that he would never call someone by a pet name, and then it suddenly occurred to me that one of the greatest thrillers of all time, Hitchcock's, "Vertigo":
centers around the resemblance of Kim Novak's character to the painting of a woman who tragically died, called:
.
"Portrait of Carlotta"
Talk about a happy accident!
I based Lotta's slinky appearance on the only actress I even considered... the ultimate femme fatale, Veronica Lake:
who, even today, continues to be the inspiration for the "slinky dame," - as in "L.A. Confidential" and even as Jessica Rabbit in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
There is another movie that is very important to Lotta's story... but we'll get to that.
- "cold as a cup of Tharrian coffee"
Tharr is the hothouse planet of the Legionnaire, Polar Boy, first introduced in Adventure Comics #306 as a planet where everyone has the ability to project cold.
- "a quick glance that contained more words than a Bierbaum text piece."
This is a reference I totally messed up on the first pass through.
I really wanted to use the "glance with more words than" metaphor, but I couldn't think of anything clever that was Legion or Superman or SciFi related - so I wound up just giving up and going with "more words than War and Peace."
When I was recently reading it through again, I slapped my head and went, "A Bierbaum text piece!".
Tom and Mary Bierbaum were, of course, responsible for the massive amounts of supplementary info that appeared as text pieces in the back of the "Five Years Later" run of Legion of Super-Heroes volume 4. As much as I hate that little "edited by" tag at the bottom of this chapter, I had to change it.
I suppose if I wanted to be uber-meta I could have used, "more words than an Exnihil Onevision"
- "as much chance for success as a Daxamite lead-worker who forgot to take his morning pills."
A reference to Mon-El's need to continually take his anti-lead serum, first introduced in Adventure Comics #305, or else succumb to his poisoning.
- "some early Naltorian dream-waltz."
Naltor is the home world of the Legionnaire, Dream Girl, first introduced in Adventure Comics #317.
As for what "dream-waltz" is supposed to be - your guess is as good as mine. I imagined Ex and Lotta dancing in the sort of classic ballroom style from the 30's and 40's (in those massive dinner/dance clubs that only existed in the movies) but I suppose the name was influenced by "dream trance" - that electronic sub-genre that was popular in the mid '90's.
- "Why, I wonder if I know what you're talking about."/"I wonder if you wonder."
The whole feel of the conversation between Ex and Lotta, heavy on the subtext, is again inspired by "Double Indemnity," but the two above lines are a direct lift:
- "Zaryan's Palace... the Grand Hotel... Room 247"
"Zaryan's Palace - Grand Hotel and Casino is an actual location on Legion World created by Cobalt Kid on this thread: HERE, although - when last we saw it - it had been blown up during the "Bees, Bots, and Despots" roleplay.
I guess they've rebuilt.
From that thread:
“Zaryan’s Palace is more than grand – it’s the largest casino in the galaxy. One of Ventura’s top casinos, this wonder has 54 themed gaming areas and spans more than 171,000,000 square space-meters. When the Palace opened, it took 339 armored cruisers two days to bring in enough Venturian Walking Money to stock the casino! The Palace is also ideal for families; the youth center, showrooms and 33-space-meter theme park give children plenty of opportunities for fun while parents enjoy gaming in Zaryan’s Palace”
Room 247 is a reference to... well... if you don't know, it's time to turn in your flight ring.
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- "piled it on ... higher than a plate of Smallville pancakes"
This is a general reference to the fact that whenever I think of the Silver Age Ma Kent, I always remember the absurdly high stacks of pancakes she would make for Clark and his friends.
- "scheme to do a remake of "The Great Darkness Saga" starring Darkseid himself"
"The Great Darkness Saga" is, of course, the most well known story arc in Legion history, running from Legion of Super-Heroes v. 2 #290-294. I guess what I'm suggesting here is that the concept of making a holo-vid out of that story would be something of a hugely epic scale - and not likely to be fielded by the likes of Ex, Junior, and Director Lad.
- "the boardwalk was as deserted as a Trommite shopping mall"
Trom is the homeworld of the Legionnaire, Element Lad, first shown in Adventure Comics #307. It was the site of a planet wide-genocide and therefore... yeah... pretty darned deserted.
- "the Vudoo Lounge"
The Vudoo Lounge is a real Legion World location, created by rtvu2 (known at the time as Kid Vudoo), as shown in this thread, HERE.
Originally started as a family friendly Seaside Sno-Cone Lounge, it gradually expanded to include more of an after hours adult side as well. From the Legion World Directory:
"Please come and see our new lounge area with our new ultra low sofas imported from Bismoll. This sprawling room of tables and sofas is perfect for relaxing with a great drink. Study, talk or read in this relaxing space. Take a load off or take a nap. We offer free copies of the LMB Comet and every other magazine and newspaper from the four corners of the galaxy. Or just come and admire our great view of the coast on our patios built right into the cliff side. Pets are always welcomed and we offer free treats and waterbowls for our canine and feline friends." Recently, the Lounge expanded and offers a "night scene," including large fire pits and a romantic setting"
As I wanted to shift the action to Zaryan's Casino, I imagined a sort of seaside boardwalk area ala Atlantic City. The Vudoo Longue seemed a perfect fit for a scene like that. Probably another existing location, "Actor Lad's Cool Luau" is in that same general block of restaurant/bars.
- "Quislet Esq's Super Law Firm"
Quislet Esq's Super Law Firm... of Space is another real Legion World Establishment, as seen in this thread, HERE.
Although Quislet Esq. has only ever been seen to operate as a solo counsel, I expanded the concept naturally in this story to be a larger organization, as implied by the word, "Firm". I imagine it employs an entire staff of lawyers and clerks and such (I assume that's how law firms work... I really have no idea).
I placed the Quislet boys' party at the Vudoo Lounge because it seemed like a good fit for a bunch of "office guys" looking to cut loose without getting too snookered. I imagine a bunch of middle-aged guys - probably in Hawaiian shirts and crazy party hats - drinking island themed drinks out of coconuts or something.
- "get hooked on the Planetary Chance Machines"
The Planetary Chance Machine is an absolutely ludicrous device, introduced in Adventure Comics #319, used to choose mission teams by... well...
...doing that.
Here I'm just using "Planetary Change Machine" as a generic slang for any luck-based Casino type game.
- "Tamper Lad dressed to the nines"
Tamper Lad is a tricky one.
He is an actual poster on Legion World - once very active in LMB roleplays - who, very early on, established himself as an "evil genius" character, as seen in his introduction, HERE.
Tamper is, in my opinion, an amazingly well designed character, and I always love coming across his posts in old roleplays. He was the perfect archetype for the kind of rich, "puppet-master" sort of guy I needed for The Long Klordny.
Unfortunately, though... he isn't very active on Legion World these days and - truth be told - I don't think I've ever actually posted alongside him. It's a real shame, because I think the actual poster is a fantastic writer. I've taken the liberty of using his character here, trying to cleave as closely as possible to Tamper's established personality.
Ironically - of all the characters I'm writing in "Klordny" (Ex included) - I think I actually write Tamper Lad the best. I've got my own theory as to why that is... which actually isn't all that flattering to me. The fact of the matter is: Tamper's affected, supercilious speech patterns in "Klordny" pretty closely mirror my own way of speaking in real life. I'm not that exaggerated but, yeah... I'm a bit of a douche.
I envision Tamper in "Klordny" as an amalgam of several characters. First off, he has the evil super-genius and affected manners of the James Bond villain, Ernst Stavro Blofeld:
...but he's much better looking, obviously. Secondly, his quest (more on which later) is intended to be a riff on that of the "Maltese Falcon" villain, Kaspar Gutman, as famously portrayed by Sydney Greenstreet:
but his voice - probably the most important element of his character in my mind - is based on the most urbane actor to ever grace the silver screen, George Sanders:
Man... that guy is Tamper Lad in my mind. Here is a small snippet of dialog which perfectly captures what I hear when Tamper speaks in "Klordny":
Angora Swetters - similar to the unused character, Skulivard Nox - is another old wordplay joke that I made on the DC Boards prior to coming to Legion World:
I am glad that when she finally got to make an on-panel appearance, it was still in a "James Bond-ian" type context.
When I first wrote her into Klordny, it was just supposed to be as a momentary cameo - just something to establish Tamper as an elegant sort who might casually have an heiress on his arm - but later on, when the Phil Marlowe subplot was introduced, I realized that there was a far greater potential there. But, we'll get to that...
- "unless I started ordering my martinis shaken and not stirred"
Another Bond reference, which you can read about at great length, HERE.
- "Venturan walking money"
Venturan walking money are the absurd, perhaps even sentient, legged coins first seen in Legion of Super-Heroes v.3 #1. An earlier, much larger variety called "Barakian Living Money" goes back to Adventure Comics #309.
- "unless I started doing my impression of a Kono fruit from Carrgg"
Cargg is the homeworld of the Legionnaire, Triplicate Girl, first introduced in Action Comics #276. Since everyone on Cargg can split into three, the joke I'm making here is that a "Kono fruit" that could split into three would be of interest to a gambler, because it would resemble three aligned fruits on a slot machine, signifying a win.
- "Lotta had dealt me some pretty good cards so far - Queen of Hearts... pocket Diamonds... and the best pair I had ever seen"
Just some sexy poker humor.
- holding her aces and eights close to her chest
Aces and Eights are the traditional "Dead Man's Hand" in poker, supposed so-called because that's what gun-fighter Wild Bill Hickok was holding when he was shot (though likely that's just an urban legend).
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- "I started to get that cold feeling in the pit of my stomach" - "that ice ball forming in my breadbasket"
Obviously the "feeling in the pit of the stomach" trope is something that's been around forever, but the specific source I'm pulling this "cold" imagery from is the first story in Frank Miller's "Sin City" series, later subtitled "The Hard Goodbye":
I thought the "cold thing" in the stomach was a particularly good point of reference given the parallel situation between that story's lead character, "Marv's" discovery of the fate of "Goldie" and what Ex is about to discover here with Lotta.
- "giving it a few raps like a Tulvanian Witch Wolf that needed a shave and a haircut... but just needed to know the price"
"Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits" is just verbal shorthand for the well known door knock, the history of which can be read about HERE
The more Legion specific reference here is to the Tulvanian Witch Wolf, a creature first seen in Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #209.
So, basically, I'm saying that it would be very appropriate for a hairy creature like a Witch Wolf to use the traditional "Shave and a Haircut" knock. It's a long way to go for a reference, I know, but cut me some slack... coming up with this many analogies is hard.
- "Two shakes of a Tork's tail, darling... fix yourself a drink."
This is a reference to the first meeting of the characters "Mia Wallace" and "Vincent Vega" in the Quentin Tarantino film, "Pulp Fiction":
when - upon Vincent's arrival - Mia says over the intercom, "Make yourself a drink and I'll be down in two shakes of a lamb's tail."
The Legion-y twist here is that Lotta is also making a joke, because a Tork, an animal first seen in Adventure Comics #339, is a two headed beast with no tail:
- "I grabbed a bottle of Orandan Rye"
Orando is the home planet of the Legionnaire, Princess Projectra, first introduced in Adventure Comics #346. As this planet is a medieval-type world complete with a royal family, I figured that any sort of liquor from there would be considered top-shelf. Rye seemed particularly "old fashioned" in keeping with Orando's low-tech nature.
- "echoing off the tiles like some sort Tartarusian second-stringer"
This is a pretty obscure reference here to the second-string team organized by Polar Boy on the planet Tartarus in Legion of Super-Heroes v.4 #49, and specifically to the character, Echo Chamber Chet:
- "deafer than a tourist in downtown Gryxor"
Gryxor is the home planet of rejected Legionnaire (later Subs Auxiliary member), Antenna Boy. As seen below, his ability to broadcast radiowaves has a deafening effect, so a tourist visiting his planet would either have to be deaf, or soon would be.
- "feeling like time itself had just taken a big swig of Professor Potter's elastic serum"
Basically I'm saying that time is stretching out for Ex - similar to the way that Jimmy Olsen turns into Elastic Lad when consuming Professor Phineas Potter's serum, first introduced in Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #31.
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