posted
Lots of letters to Matter-Eater Lad: The Series have piled up here at the Mll'Ester office, so we thought we'd squeeze the esteemed Lester Spiffany into a time bubble and pop him on over to answer them personally! As he was still suffering from super-fatassage, it was no easy task either!
And now... our first letter, from a young lady in Nebraska... followed by Lester's senses-shattering reply!
Dear MEL:TS,
I bought issue # 1 but found the writing to be hackneyed and the dialogue a bit stilted, so I dropped it. I decided to give it another chance when I saw Dr. Mayavale on a cover months later! He's creepy!
So, my question is... Lester was real cute and all in issue 1 but MAN, he sure has let himself go! What's the deal with that?
ps: I dropped the book again. Still hackneyed & stilted I'm afraid. Sorry.
--Lisa
Well, Lisa.... if that IS your real name... perhaps you had better scour the back-issue bins for issues of MEL:TS that you skipped and find out the answer yourself. Hopefully, you'll be paying a ridiculously marked-up price for them too.
Although I'm certain a petite and charming thing such as yourself should have no problem using her feminine wiles to ensnare some hapless man in her sensual web and convince him to buy the issues for her. Isn't that right, "Lisa"?
Or is it more likely that you're a bitter, unloved soul whose only joy comes in criticizing the works and appearances of others? Hmm? Yes. I thought so.
posted
*cough* Ummm, okay. Perhaps we should move on to our next letter-writer! This one comes from Chad in Miami, Florida!
Matter-Writer Lads,
This book space-rawks! And might I add that my personal lingo has become TOTALLY hep since I started reading it! Jillikers!
Tenzil and Taryn can't get more awesome!
As for Lester... Dude! He must have felt like a total MORON when he found out Tenzil didn't return his affections! And then when Nardo super-fatassed him, he got dumped by his boyfriend! What a LOSER! Maybe he should go back to that all-gay planet and rejoin the Super-Companions. Except now that he's, like, 600 pounds no one wants to be around him! Can you imagine the stench? ICK!
Your MEL:TS fan,
Bad Boy Chad
BLOODY FREAKING TARTARUS! Why all the focus on my currently super-fatassed state? I'M RICH... I don't have to TAKE this nass, understand? Get Ester and Lash in here, damn you all!!
YES, I was disappointed that my crush on Tenzil went nowhere. YES, I felt stupid-- STUPID!! Totally STUPID!!!-- for not realizing that Dev-Em didn't *really* care about me.
THERE! Are you happy NOW, "Bad Boy"? You've extracted your pound of flesh from me! GO ON, there's PUH-LENTY MORE as you are only too pleased to point out!
posted
(I am forwarding this letter at the request of a "friend." Yeah, that's it.)
Dear Lester,
Based upon the venom in your recent responses, it seems that something nasty has entered a discreet portion of your anatomy. Could it be that you're now so fat that you can't even see when even a Vyrggian bug might crawl up there?
signed, Vinnie Las Vegas, NV
From: Vancouver, BC, Canada | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Dear Lester Has your rescent change in body image caused you to be in a position where heart (Or any other major organ) failure in the next few months or so? If so I think you are totally hot and would like your hand in marrage.
Anna-Nicole Hollywood CA
-------------------- :polarboy:
From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Nov 2004
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I greatly enjoyed the latest MLL'Ester joint and am glad to see my favorite writing team producing work again.
Now...when can MEL:TS's greatest fan expect to see the continuing adventures of Tenzil and the crew?! Taryn, Tiffany and of course Noyd, my favorite, have been missed! Long-running in-jokes like 'he sure is, er, handy' are needed to make this young man smile!
And Big-Toes Boy is one good-looking mutha!
Even Quasar is missed!
And, as Noyd's biggest fan, it's my wish, nay, my duty, to demand you begin chronicling his adventures again!
Basically, loved seeing the new joint and can't wait to see more!
Your biggest fan,
C from LW!
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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