posted
Back in the day, when we got the hankerin' to write an LMBP-related tale, we did this neato little deal called a ONEVISION. Unlike the popular 'tag-team' threads, these tales are told by one writer.
I was feeling some creative juices (it wasn't sweat, I checked) so here's MY latest Onevision. It's a tale of 2 Members of LMB Allies THE LIGHT BRIGADE. It's a little super-heroic love story I like to call ENJOY THE SILENCE.
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Antler Lass could barely contain her excitement. Her enormous rack trembled with every sharp breath. She had been wanting this for a LONG time, and finally she was gonna get it. And she was gonna work it for all it was worth.
Vacation!
Captain Lightbulb had FINALLY approved some vacation time! Captain Lightbulb, Mascara Man and The Living Pretzel were already gone. The Flasher and Robotwoman were about to depart and Antler Lass herself was given the A-OK to take off tomorrow!
At the last meeting When Captain Lightbulb had asked for 2 volunteers to guard LBHQ while everyone else took a vacation, Dormant Damsel's hand slipped from her lap and Coma Lad fell from his chair into the floor.
It was SO sweet of those 2 to volunteer, Antler Lass thought! Of course, she knew the REAL reason why those inert lovebirds wanted to stay alone at LBHQ-- quality snuggle time!
Antler Lass was all packed up and ready to go. Her final task was to make sure Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel were okay in the Monitor Room.
She peeked in on them and there they were, still in the exact place she had put them in last night. Both of their always-unconscious bodies were slumped together in front of the Monitor Screen.
"You guys are SO sweet!" she called out. "Well, I'm off, and I'm thrilled! You two be GOOD now-- and don't do anything I wouldn't do...! *tee hee!* As if either of you COULD!"
And thus, Antler Lass took off for Ventura, never knowing about the depraved evil she had left behind with Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel. A depraved evil that was approaching the Monitor Room right now...
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And thus, Antler Lass took off for Ventura, never knowing about the depraved evil she had left behind with Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel. A depraved evil that was approaching the Monitor Room right now...
Well, perhaps depraved evil was being a bit harsh.
See, what the too-excited Antler Lass had neglected to do was make a sweep of the entire HQ, so she missed the presence of Sad Lad.
Sad Lad had applied for Light Brigade membership, but his super-sobbing powers were deemed to be as dangerous to the Light Brigade as they would be to their enemies. Weeping with rejection, Sad Lad exited the Tryout room but never left Light Brigade HQ. Leaving the HQ would have made him even sadder than he already was, so he just kinda... stayed there.
He quietly existed for weeks, hidden in the bowels of the HQ, sneaking into the kitchen when everyone was asleep and whatnot, enjoying Light Brigade membership vicariously, spying on their activities like a vampiric voyeur.
He knew everyone was gone but for Dormant Damsel and Coma Lad-- the acknowledged heart & soul of the team-- and he intended to give them another chance to accept him into their ranks!
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Sad Lad entered the monitor room. Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel seemed not to notice, which is to be expected of those two.
"D.... Dormant Damsel? Coma Lad? D... Do you remember me-- Sad Lad? I'll be ever so sad if you don't... *choke!*" As Sad Lad reached to wipe away his tear, his hand jostled Dormant Damsel's chair just slightly-- but enough to cause her hand to fall from her lap and sway back and forth.
"You DO remember me! Jeepers, I'm so glad! So glad I could... CRY! WaaaaaaaIL! Really, these are... >sob!< tears of happiness..."
"Now... I certainly hope you won't think me presumptuous-- but I feel like I deserve another shot at Light Brigade membership-- gosh-darn it!! *choke!* Oh dear, I DO hope I haven't offended you with my harsh language... it's just that I get so... worked up! >sob!<"
Sad Lad sat on the floor in front of Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel so that he could show them respect and look up to his idols.
"Now... *choke!* ...I'm going to re-audition... and I'm not going to take NO for a got-danged answer! wAAAAAil! Oh, please don't hate me for speaking so roughly-- but Mother always told me I should be more forceful. Usually when she was hepped up on Silverale and slapping me around. Last year on my 25th birthday. >sob!<"
"Mother... Mother... why do you hate me so...? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh1"
Of course, Dormant Damsel and Coma Lad did not acknowledge the torrents of torment that expelled from Sad Lad.
"... and that's the story of the time the neighborhood bully beat me up and then made me put on his sister's dress... last February. *choke!!* Oh, how the kids laughed at me when that awful bully pulled up my dress!! Well, it wasn't MY dress really, but his sister DID let me keep it."
If Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel were aware of Sad Lad's ceaseless droning, they showed no sign of it.
"...and that's how Aunt Hortense and her bridge ladies shooed away that horrid spider that crawled upon my shoulder! But I don't think I'll ever... *choke!*...get over the... >sob!<...memory!
shriEEEEEEk All those old ladies in their floral mu-mus screaming and laughing and swinging their space-parasols! Hideous, I tell you! Traumatizing!"
Sad Lad stretched his legs out and yawned.
"But listen to me-- going ON and ON all this while about why you should let me join the Light Brigade. Surely by now you've seen why you should swear me in and what an asset to the team I could be. *sniffle* I... I just don't think I could handle another re... rej... rejec... rejection... ***Bawwwwwl!!****"
As Sad Lad began to super-sob, his feet kicked around as they were wont to do when he was having a major sobfest.
He accidentally kicked the chair upon which Dormant Damsel and Coma Lad sat.
This dislodged their limp bodies and knocked them forward, directly into Sad Lad.
The weight of their bodies knocked him back forcefully and he smacked his head on the inertron floor, causing his instant demise.
posted
Robotwoman-- Everyone's favorite 70 year old rich southern lady who had her brain transplanted into a voluptuous robot body-- was the first of the Light Brigade to arrive back from vacation.
"Land SAKES! What in the WORLD is that stench? I've never smelled anything quite like THAT in all my days-- not even back when I had a nose!"
Robotwoman followed the stench to the Monitor Room.
"My STARS!! Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel-- looks like they've apprehended a criminal! Well, looks like they've killed one, anyway!"
Robotwoman bent down to examine the scene closer.
Coma Lad and Dormant Damsel lay on their stomachs but facing each other atop the lifeless form of Sad Lad. Upon both of their otherwise-inert faces... was a wide smile.
"Excellent work, Dormant Damsel and Coma Lad!" Robotwoman congratulated as she picked the 2 up and placed them back in their seat in front of the monitor.
"You 2 are a shoo-in at the next leader election! I'll turn this intruder's corpse over to the Space-Authorities!"
1 WEEK LATER
Sad Lad's body remained unclaimed and was disintegrated.
The rest of the Light Brigade arrived home safely from vacation and they all ate ice cream!
Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
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