So, sometimes I write stuff. Some of that stuff is Legion-related.
Mostly I keep it to myself, but sometimes I don't. This thread is meant as a repository for the Legion-related things I don't keep to myself.
Pretty simple.
First up is something I did for my APA some time back. It inspired the warning in the header.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
UNTITLED
“Dude.”
“What?”
“Look over there.”
“What?”
“I think I see Shadow Lass.”
“What?”
“Shadow Lass! Dude , take the music off for a sec! I think I see Shadow Lass!”
“Where?”
“Over there.”
“Where?”
“There!”
“Stop pointing and just tell me!”
“Over to the left. MY left!”
“Which one? I don’t….”
“Dude, the blue one!”
“Oh, yeah. You think that’s Shadow Girl?”
“Shadow Lass! It’s gotta be Shadow Lass! Don’t look!”
“You just told me to look.”
“It’s not cool!”
“Oh.”
“Dude, what are you doing?”
“I’m waving at Shadow Lass. Maybe she’ll come over.”
“Don’t, man!”
“Why not?”
“She might come over.”
“And this is bad because…”
“I might say something stupid.”
“I’ll give you that.”
“Sprock you, man!”
“Look, you’re the big Shadow Girl-Lass fan, right? You’re the one with the holoshrine to her in his room, right?
“Yeah…”
“You’re the one who named seven straight pets Tasmia, right? Even the boys?”
“Yeah…”
“You’re the guy I caught snuggling his pillow and calling it Shady, right?”
“You promised not to mention that again.”
“Go say hi.”
“I can’t…”
“Go. Say. Hi.”
“I…”
“If you don’t go, you will regret it for the rest of your life. What’s more, you will regret it loudly and constantly, which will make me regret you for the rest of *my* life. For both our sakes, go.”
“You’re right, man. You’re right. I can do this. I can talk to Shadow Lass. I can.”
“Go.”
“OK! I’m going. Wish me luck.”
“Luck.”
“Thanks.”
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
“Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.”
“Man, where have you been? And what happened to your eye?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Were you robbed?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Wasn’t that Legion chick around? Why didn’t she help y……oh, no….”
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“What wasn’t?”
“Well, I went up to see her, like I said I would, right? And she was there signing autographs and stuff and I just kinda watched her for a bit and then watched her for another bit and then she left and I hadn’t said anything yet so I kinda just followed her for a little bit….”
“You stalked her?”
“Not like that, man! I just couldn’t work up the nerve, you know? Anyway, so I followed her for a little bit but she saw me, you know? She knew I was there and she turned around and said ‘Yes?’ right at me, man, and I still couldn’t think of anything to say ‘cos she just looked so cool up close even cooler than in the vids so then she turns around to leave and I don’t wanna be hanging out there with my tongue hanging out so I say ‘Hi’. Just kinda spit it out there, you know, and then she’s all ‘Hello’, right, really refined like real royalty and that, and I think, like, we’re connecting, you know? So I say, ‘Thanks for saving us all those times’ because I want her to know that I think she’s cool, right? So I try to say it like I’m at court, like I’m a knight, right, so I can show her I understand what level she’s at. ‘Thanks for saving us all those times’ like she’s a princess and I’m showing respect. And she says back, get this, ‘You’re very welcome’. Not just ‘You’re welcome’, but ‘You’re very welcome’. Very! We were connecting, dude! So then I think I should be more, like, detailed, so she’ll know that I’m no fake, right? That I know about everything she’s done and stuff, so I go ‘Remember when you fought Mordru that one time?’ and I start going into all this stuff about that one fight, all the stuff that wasn’t on the news because I really researched that stuff, man, because she’s so cool, and so I’m…what’s that word for when you use your hands to help you describe stuff, you know, express stuff? Guh-stick-you something? Anyway, I was doing that, and talking about the fight, and I think it really touched her, because she had to look away, you know, and she had her hand over her mouth like she was trying to hold back tears, you know? So I was doing all that, and we were really connecting, and then I tripped.”
“You tripped?”
“Yeah.”
“And that’s how you hurt your eye?”
“Uh…well…”
“You fell….on your eye.”
“Not exactly.”
“Continue.”
“Uh….well….you know how I get with all that guh-sticking stuff. I just tripped really hard. I couldn’t stop!”
“Don’t tell me. Your hands automatically went forward to brace yourself, and….”
“Oh, maaaan…..”
“I’ve changed my mind. Tell me.”
“Umm…”
“You felt up a Legionnaire.”
“I didn’t mean it!”
“You were hanging on for dear life, weren’t you?”
“It just happened! I was just sort of there, and she was just sort of looking at me, and it was like that for I don’t know how long, and then she said ‘Best this doesn’t end up on the news’ and then everything went dark. Then I woke up in a dumpster.”
“That would explain the smell.”
“What am I gonna do? Her boyfriend’s a Daxamite!”
“I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“Why not?”
“It probably wasn’t really her.”
“Dude, she looked just like her!”
“Probably a wannabe. The real Shadow Girl…”
“Shadow Lass.”
“….Shadow Lass would have understood, right? Seen you for who you really are, right? Forgiven you your total lack of coordination, right? Clearly, this was just some other tall, blue, darkness-spewing chick.”
“Maybe…”
“Definitely.
“I guess so. You wouldn’t just say that because we’re friends, would you?”
“Hell no.”
“Oh.”
“Do you want something for that eye?”
“Maybe later. You want to hit a bar or somethin’?”
“Maybe later.”
“Sure. Oh, hey, hey dude!”
“What?”
“I think I see Spider Girl.”
FINIS
Posted by MLLASH on :
Heh! I like!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Awesome!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
More, more, more! I liked this Miner, it was fun! Love to see more of your writing.
Posted by dedman on :
I agree totally with Cobie...more Miner!!!
Posted by Sketch Lad on :
Aw! What a nice friend, to tell him that it was a look-alike!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Excellent and very entertaining.
And I used "very" because we are connecting here. Posted by Monkey Eater Lad on :
Haha love it! Really natural dialogue.
Posted by Caliente on :
Miner, you're so... you! I totally dig it. Two thumbs up! The critics demand more!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Thanks, everybody.
That was written in about the time it took to read. Pure improv, no rewrites becasue I was near the APA deadline and it didn't seem like the thing I wanted to overthink.
There's one line I would change if I were to redo it, but what the heck.
I used Shadow Lass because of a contest for that month where the winner was determined by the most references to Shady. I won.
In my mind, the unfortunate Dude in the story sounds just like Keanu Reeves in "Bill and Ted".
Thanks again.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Here's another one.
I worked off more of a plot this time. I'm really not sure how well it comes off, but here it is anyway.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
FAN SERVICE
The Persuader stood over the jewel cases, admiring the flawless beauty of the assembled gems. Then, with a sweep, he brought his axe across the cases, smashing them effortlessly. Then he began scooping up the jewels and depositing them in a sack he carried just for that purpose.
“Hah! These’ll fetch me a fortune from the Rimworld merchants! They won’t ask any questions, either!” he exclaimed.
“You won’t get them to ask them anything, Persuader!” said a voice from behind him.
He turned around to find himself facing a young blond woman, resplendent in a blue uniform and cape. On her ample chest lay one of the mightiest symbols for justice in the universe. “Supergirl!”
“That’s right. You don’t have a chance, Persuader. Surrender now, before I have to get…….rough.”
The Persuader slowly brought up his weapon. “Maybe I like it rough.”
They began to circle each other, slowly.
“That’s an enormous…..axe you have there, Persuader.”
“I know just where to put it too, baby”
She put one of her fingers in her mouth, slowly. Then just as slowly she removed it. “I bet you do.”
“Maybe I can Persaude you to let me go, huh?”
“I don’t plan on letting you go for a while yet, big man,” she said, slowly removing her cape. “Not at all.”
*********
“Oh, yuck! Oh…..Ugh! Yuck!”
Kara leapt from the couch she had been sitting in moments before and began to walk frantically around the Legion rec room.
“What’s wrong, Supergirl?” asked a stocky boy dressed in blue and black, one of four engaged in a game of Electro-Pong.
“Oh, Chuck! It’s…..it’s…..Ewwwww!”
“Let me take a look.”
“Hey, you can’t quit now!” said a boy clad in yellow and green. “Me and Lu were just about to beat you and Lu for the third straight game!”
“Oh, be quiet Tenzil.” replied one of the Lus. “Kara looks really upset about something.”
Kara took a quick look at the animated sequence which continued to unfold behind her. Quickly she moved between it and the others. “Uh…Chuck?” she stammered. “No offense, but….maybe just Lu should come over.”
“Oh, this sounds better than the game,” said Tenzil, conspiratorially, “This sounds gooood.”
One of the Lus stayed to watch the boys as the other went to Kara. She paused at the simulation for a moment, and then, slowly, looked up at Kara.
“Ewwwwww”, she said.
“Is something over there moaning?” asked Tenzil. “Because I definitely hear moaning.”
“Oh,” said Chuck, straining to see over a determined Lu, “It must be a fan-holo.”
“You know what…..*that* is?” asked Kara.
“We all do, “sighed the Lu closest to her.
“Sure,” said Chuck. “Legion fans from all over the galaxy have set up sites devoted to us. Some of them create their own holos of stories they’ve written about us. A lot of them are really fun to read! Heck, I beat the Time Trapper single-handedly in one of them!”
“So there’s a strong fantasy element,” deadpanned Tenzil.
“Ha ha. Why are you being such a big jerk today?”
“Bigger than normal,” added Lu.
“You would be too if your agent hadn’t called you in weeks.”
“Oh, please,” said Lu. “Not the acting career again.”
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
“Yes, the acting career again. I just don’t get it. I’m already famous. Why can’t I be…..more famous?”
“Excuse me,” interjected Kara, “But what am I supposed to do about this…….this!”
“Probably nothing,” said the Lu closest to her, now sitting at the simulator’s control board. “Most of these sites are pretty harmless. Only a few really get like this. Marla told me that RJ once tried to see if he could take legal action, and was told he’d have no chance in court. Plus, the public relations issue would be a killer.”
“But….but….that doesn’t even look like me! I mean, I’m….she’s….they’re so….”
“I know, hon, I know,” said Lu. “So, this is the site, huh? Legion Lore. Kara, didn’t you notice the part that said ‘Adult Content’?”
“Well, sure I did. I mean, I’m not blind.”
“Do you know what that means?”
“Sure……I mean, no.”
Lu sighed. “Oh, this one looks like a doozy.”
“Let us see!” shouted Tenzil.
“No.”
“I have heat vision, you know.”
“Ok, ok.”
“Geez. Saturn Girl and Proty? What nutcase thought of that one?”
“Am I in there?”
“Not now, Chuck.”
“Holy….? Lyle and J….um”
“Jeckie?”
“Uh…not exactly…”
“How come I’m not in there?”
“Not now, Chuck.”
“Can’t you at least turn this thing off? I can’t stand looking at this anymore!” cried Kara, a tear visible in the corner of her eye. She swiped at the 3-D image, leaving a momentary blur and the sound of static before the picture snapped back into focus.
“Looking at what?” asked a voice from the rec room entrance.
“Brainiac 5!” exclaimed Chuck. “You’re back! How did your science lecture go?”
The Coluan didn’t acknowledge the welcome. He was looking at Kara, who suddenly realized he had an unobstructed view of……it. Her face turned a beet-red. He turned to the simulation, and looked at it for what to Kara seemed like an eternity. Then he looked back at her. He walked towards Kara until he was directly in front of her, and then, gently, reached over and wiped away the tear that had reached her cheek. Then he spoke.
“Everybody out, “he said. “I need space to work.”
He took the seat at the terminal that Lu had vacated and began to study the screen, seemingly suddenly oblivious to anything else. The other Legionnaires began to file out of the rec room.
“Not you, Tenzil,” said Brainy. “I may have need of you.”
“Ok, chief,” replied Tenzil, intrigued.
“Hey, why does he get to stay?”
“Not now, Chuck.”
************
The Persuader stood over the jewel cases, admiring the flawless beauty of the assembled gems. Then, with a sweep, he brought his axe across the cases, smashing them effortlessly. Then he began scooping up the jewels and depositing them in a sack he carried just for that purpose.
“Hah! These’ll fetch me a fortune from the Rimworld merchants! They won’t ask any questions, either!” he exclaimed.
“You won’t get to ask them anything, Persuader!” said a voice from behind him.
[ March 04, 2007, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: Outdoor Miner ]
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
He turned around to find himself facing a young blond woman, resplendent in a blue uniform and cape. On her ample chest lay one of the mightiest symbols for justice in the universe. “Supergirl!”
“That’s right. You don’t have a chance, Persuader. Surrender now, before I have to get…….rough.”
The Persuader slowly brought up his weapon. “Maybe I like it rough.”
And then they both froze where they stood. Suddenly, a young man appeared beside them. He was dressed in a top hat and tails. He carried a cane. With a whoop, he got down on one knee and began to sing.
“Hello you watchers, Hello you users Hello you fans and such. I’m Matter-Eater Lad And this kind of stuff is bad
Stories of action, Risk and adventure Those don’t upset us (much) But what really earns our scorn Is this stupid Legion porn”
Then he got up and started tap-dancing.
*********
The rec room was filled with the sounds of Legionnaires’ laughter.
“How did you do that, Brainy?” asked one Lu.
“Yeah, spill!” insisted the other.
“Very well,” began the green-skinned scientist. “I had to get some recording equipment from my lab to capture Tenzil’s movements, but other than trying to keep him on track, it was all pretty simple. All of these fan-holos are coded independently and then uploaded to a central site for running. But they all use similar elements. It was child’s play to break into the code and determine how it runs, and just as easy to create a routine of my own and place it in a hidden file on the site proper. That routine waits for anyone to activate one of the simulations, and then searches its code. If looks for certain element names in the code, and certain dialogue in the audio portion – words I can’t repeat in mixed company, or any company, really..”
“Try us, “said Tenzil.
“I think not. As I was saying, it looks for these items, and if it finds them, it immediately freezes the holo in place and the Tenzil sequence is run over the offending simulation. I could have just erased everything, I suppose, but that wouldn’t have made as clear a point.”
A buzzing sound came from Tenzil’s wrist communicator. “I’ll be right back, guys. I’ve gotta take this,” he said, leaving the room.
“Good thing you had all that holo stuff already,” said Chuck.
“Do you think this will stop them for good?” asked Kara.
Brainy shook his head. “I’m afraid not. If the site’s owner knows what he’s doing, which is likely, my routine won’t last more than a few days at most. We can’t really shut them down. But we can make them aware of our displeasure.”
“Without it being officially traced back to us, “said a Lu. Brainy nodded.
“Guess who that was,” said a returning Tenzil.
“Your agent?” guessed Chuck.
“No, it was my agent. And he wants to meet with me tomorrow! This is it! I’m on my way!”
“That was a bit sudden, don’t you think?” asked a Lu.
“More like overdue,” replied Tenzil. “But come to think of it, he did ask if I knew how to dance.”
“Well, I’m glad that’s settled,” said Kara. “But I really should be getting home now.”
“Already?” said Brainy. “I was hoping we could….spend more time together this time.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I have to get ready for school tomorrow. I’ll…I’ll be back as soon as I can.
“Sure. Sure, I understand.”
“Thank you for everything.”
“It was my pleasure.”
One of the Lus cleared her throat. “Well, we should get the others together so she can say goodbye to everybody. Are you guys coming?”
“Sure,” said Chuck.
“Sure,” said Tenzil. “I can tell everybody the good news!”
“I’ll be along in a few minutes,” said Brainy.
“Ok,” replied Lu, as she and Lu herded the others out the rec room door. “We’ll be outside.”
“Fine.”
The door closed behind them, and Brainy allowed himself a sigh. He walked to the simulator and sat down at the terminal. He pulled a disc from his pocket, and stared at it for a moment. Then he placed it in the simulator’s drive, and when prompted, chose “Play”.
They walked along the shore, the two of them. Alone.
“Oh, look, Querl! Both moons are full tonight. They’re beautiful!”
“Yes, they are. But not as beautiful as you, Kara.”
“I wish it could be like this forever.”
“It could be.” He took her in his arms. “Stay here, in the future. Stay with me.”
She looked into his eyes. “I will.”
“I’ll stay with you. Forever. Querl, I..”
Brainiac 5 ripped the disc from the drive, aborting the sequence. He threw the disc to the floor, stamping on it until it lay in pieces.
Then he stood up, straightened out his uniform, and went outside to say goodbye.
Posted by Caliente on :
Wow. Sad twist. Funny but... yeah. Poor Brainy. He never gets the gal.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I like! ![[Shadow Lass]](graemlins/ShadowLass.gif)
![[Spider Girl]](graemlins/SpiderGirl.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[ROTFLMAO]](graemlins/rotflmao.gif)
Miner, you're so... you! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Can't wait to see more.