Panel 1 <large passenger ship flying through space> Caption: The 31st century. The space lanes between Earth and the Plastino Region. This ship is the Nova Express. Once the pride of the interstellar transportation infrastructure of the United Planets, she has seen better days.
Panel 2 <closing in on the ship> Caption: Nonetheless, on this particular trip, the Nova Express sports a surprising number of important personages.
Panel 3 <A beautiful brunette surrounded by a variety of strange jewels from different worlds. The initials "T.S." are clearly visible on her bracelet.> Caption: A jewelry heiress has rented out the entire fifteenth level for herself and her entourage.
Panel 4 <A man signing autographs for several attractive young female sentients> Caption: Dr. Larx Kenrik, award-winning diplomat and sentient-rights activist, is on his way to give a lecture on the planet Touston.
Panel 5 <A strange bloblike creature with eyeballs and tentacles placed at seemingly random places on his body sit enjoying a drink with a beautiful young woman> Caption: K'kvlak Plver, a brilliant surgeon and famed pupil of the renowned Dr. Zan Orbal, is on vacation and thrilled to meet the beautiful holo-actress, Harmonica Dadaesque.
Panel 6 <shot of a large number of sentients, of various species, in a food court> Caption: But, dear reader, the star of our story may be found in the ship's dining area...
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 2
*large panel of Tenzil and others dining at a large table*
Caption: You may recognize him from his membership in the mighty, heroic Legion of Super-Heroes... his name: Tenzil Kem, but you and most others likely know him as-- Matter-Eater Lad, doer of good, devourer of evil!
*smaller panel of Tenzil biting into a plate*
Caption: As well as less-evil things.
But enough with these captions-- no amount of captions in the known galaxy could do justice to the dialogue, to the words of wisdom that must flow freely from so mighty a hero...
*smaller panel of Tenzil*
Tenzil: *Burps* This china is delicious!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 3
Panel 1 <Waiter comes up to Tenzil>
Waiter: Er... excuse me sir. But when you ordered the Bismari Beef Pyramids, we... er... didn't expect you to eat the dishware as well...
Panel 2 <Tenzil turns to waiter, finishing off his fork>
Tenzil: Oh, sorry! On Bismoll, we only eat non-organics! I like to transition back while on my way home.
Panel 3 <tosses a bunch of Venusian walking money in the waiter's direction>
Tenzil: I think this should probably cover it!
Panel 4 <Attractive female sitting next to Tenzil, looks on admiringly>
Attractive female: So, you really singlehandedly saved your homeworld from Pulsar Stargrave?
Tenzil: Well, it wasn't exactly "single-handed". I did have help from the Legion of Substitute-Heroes...
Panel 5
Tenzil: But... if you want to hear a real story, let me tell you about the time I was nearly executed by Nardo...
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 4
Panel 1
Caption: Tenzil wraps up his epic tale...
Tenzil: ...well, let's just say, it was the perfect ending to a heavy case, *chuckle*!
woman at table: Excuse me, Mr. Eater-Lad? Hi. I'm Elza Perkins, and may I say it is very nice to meet such a big hero!
Tenzil: Why, thank y--
Panel 2
Elza: Bismoll has been pretty dull since you left.
Tenzil: Oh, I doubt--
Panel 3
Elza: Now one thing I'm not is a busybody, Mr. Eater-Lad.
Tenzil: That's MATTER-eate--
Panel 4
Elza: I'm not a busybody and I don't run my mouth. I don't gossip, Mr. Eater-Lad. You believe me, don't you?
Tenzil: I gue--
Panel 5
Elza: But I can't help but wonder, why aren't you with the Legionnaires now, Mr. Eater-Lad? Did they kick you out? Were you caught in a sex-flap? Oh dear, I hope it wasn't a sex-flap... sex-flaps are so unsavory!
Tenzil: I can assure you there was no sex-fl--
Panel 6
Elza: Well? Everyone's waiting!! Tell us about the sex-flap!
Panel 7
*Tenzil puts his hand over Elza's mouth*
Tenzil: Sentients, I can assure you everything's fine. I just came off a rather long undercover mission, and needed some downtime--
EXPLOSION SOUND EFFECT
Panel 8
Tenzil: What in SPACE--!:?!?
Elza: Your hand smells funny!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 5
Panel 1 <focus on flashing red alarm light> Alarm sound effects
Panel 2 <flying robot moves through the crowd> Robot: Breep... Everyone remain calm... There is a slight... breep... situation that is under control... breep!
Panel 3 <Two security guards running through the dining hall>
Panel 4
Eyestalk alien: Eep! We're all doomed!
Panel 5
Elza: Heavens to Betelgeuse! I'm not one to meddle in the affairs of others, but don't you think you should check this out, Mr. Eater-Lad? I mean it might be...
Panel 6
Tenzil: You are completely correct, madam! This looks like a job for...
Panel 7 <Tenzil flying into action>
Tenzil: Matter-Eater Lad!
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 6
Panel 1
*Tenzil turns away from Elza to face forward*
Tenzil: AWWWP!
Panel 2
*Tenzil collides with flying robot*
Robot: Breep! This unit not configured for unexpected aerial... Breep!
Panel 3
*Tenzil and robot on ground*
Robot: ...assault. Breep!
Panel 4
Tenzil: You alright, there, Widget?
Robot: This unit is Breep! ...undamaged.
Panel 5
Tenzil: Well come on, Widget, let's go see what this is all about, shall we?
Robot: Breep! This unit is programmed to promote Breep! ...calm during a mishap. Breep!
Panel 6
Tenzil: I suspect that would be beneficial for me, kick it into high gear, Widget!
Widget: *flying alongside Tenzil now* Breep! Remain calm, sentients! All will be Breep! ...well!
Panel 7
Elza, watching them fly off
Elza: One thing I'm not is a defeatist. Nosiree Bob, never have been, never will be. But those two are doomed!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 7
Panel 1
<Larx Kenrik and two of the female sentients who were asking for his autograph earlier>
Caption: On another deck...
Larx: So, you two want to come back to my quarters and have a look at my... peace trophy?
Panel 2
<Security officers come up to Larx>
Security Officer #1: Sir, there's been an incident. We need to get you to a secure location.
Larx: Eh... what sort of incident?
Panel 3
Security Officer #2: It's not clear, but it seems like the ship is under attack.
Panel 4
<Larx, to females>
Larx: It may be the Legion of Super-Villains. They once tried to assassinate me, you know? Why don't you to come with us. It'll be safer...
Panel 5
Security Officer #1: Sir, we really need to hurry...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 8
Panel 1
Security Officer #2: Aargh!
Panel 2
<Security Officer #1 reaches for his gun to shoot back at the attackers>
Panel 3
<Security Officer #1's gun vanishes before he can grab it>
SO#1: What the--?
Panel 4
<Security Officer #1 is shot>
Panel 5
Larx: Stay behind me, ladies...
Panel 6
<Space-Pirate pointing his gun at Larx, body of Security Officer #1 can be seen, with his gun clearly visible>
Space-Pirate: I wouldn't try anything too heroic, Dr. Kendrik. Come with me, and you won't be harmed.
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 9
Panel 1
caption: Elsewhere, meanwhile (or is that Meanwhile, elsewhere?)...
*Tenzil and Widget are flying towards the source of the explosion while panicked passengers flee in the opposite direction*
Widget: Breep! Sentients, calm yourselves! There is no reason for BREEP! ...hysteria!
Panel 2
Tenzil: I don't think they're buying what you're selling, Widge.
Widget: BREEP! They rarely do. It can be quite BREEP! ...aggravating.
Panel 3
Tenzil: Looks like the passengers have thinned out... check out that smoke billowing from around the corner! I'll make short work of that--!
Panel 4
*Tenzil swallowing smoke in his mouth*
Panel 5
Tenzil: That's improved visibility.
Widget: BREEP! This unit's sensors register hostile lifeforms moving toward us. Scan confirms presence of Resource Raiders, Sklarian Pirates and BREEP! ...Starburst Bandits.
Panel 6
Tenzil: Awwww, man--! What to do... what to do...
Widget: This unit recommends BREEP! ...panicking.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 10
Panel 1
Tenzil: Wait... aren't you programmed to promote calm?
Widget: As a BREEP!... rule, yes. However... BREEP!... this unit is not BREEP!... crazy.
Panel 2
Tenzil: Hmm... strange that you should be able to act contrary to your programming. We'll have to look into this later. In the meantime... I have a plan!
Panel 3
<Tenzil flies into the room full of assorted pirates>
Tenzil: Surrender, evildoers!
Panel 4
Sklarian: It's just one Legionnaire, take him out!
Panel 5
Tenzil (into flight ring): Okay, Ultra Boy! Hit 'em from behind!
Voice in ring: On my BREEP... way!
Panel 6
<Pirates turn...>
Panel 7
Caption: Matter-Eater Lad rapidly disables the guns of the distracted Starburst Bandits by biting vital components out of them at super-speed!
Panel 8
<The lead Sklarian pirate has turned back around and fires a shot dangerously close to Tenzil>
Tenzil: Okay, time for Plan B!
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 11
Panel 1
*Tenzil dodges more Sklarian blaster-shots*
Tenzil: I'd better come up with that plan quickly--!
Panel 2
*Widget dodging Starburst Bandit blasts*
Widget: This unit IS configured to respond to BREEP! ...expected aerial assault.
Panel 3
*Widget expels foam-substance*
Widget: This unit is also programmed to defend BREEP! ...itself and for extreme crowd control. Deploying comafoam. BREEP!
*Tenzil swallowing energy blast!*
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 12
Panel 1
<Lead Sklarian's communicator buzzes, Tenzil can be seen in background of each panel, taking down pirates>
Voice on Communicator: Bzzt... Brila, the red and blue squads have acquired their targets. Is your team about finished?
Panel 2
Lead Sklarian: We've... encountered an unexpected obstacle. A Legionnaire...
Panel 3
Voice: Probably best to abort. The Spiffany heir is valuable, but we don't want you captured.
Panel 4
<Tossing canister>
Lead Sklarian: As you say, my love!
Panel 5
<Canister releases a huge amount of colored gas>
Panel 6
<Tenzil swallowing gas>
Tenzil: Hmm... they seem to have retreated. Now let's try to figure out what... or who they were after.
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 13
Panel 1
*Elza approaches*
Elza: Planet's sake! I was certain your klanth was cooked, Mr. Eater-Lad. I'm glad you're okay! Now, we should probably discuss why your hand smells so odd...
Tenzil: *sniffing hand* I'm pretty sure my hands don't smell any odder than anyone else's...
Widjet: BREEP! This unit must point out that the effects of comafoam are... BREEP!
Tenzil, to bandit: Wakey, wakey, space-eggs and bakey!
Bandit 1: The Mad Bismollian!
Bandit 2: He will eat our souls!
Panel 4
Tenzil: I'm pretty sure you must have me confused with Mordru--
Panel 5
*ducks a zap from a bandit*
Tenzil: Yellp!
Panel 6
Widget: Here we go BREEP! ...again.
Elza: I'm not one to brag, noway nohow, but you didn't have MY help before! H-Elza popping!
*Elza leaping into battle*
Posted by MLLASH on :
*sigh* This was going so cutely...
Posted by Exnihil on :
More... more... more! I'm eating it up. Posted by Harbinger on :
I just coughed a mouthful of tea over my keyboard as I was laughing so hard at "Your hand smells funny!"
Absolutely fang-tastic! More, more, more! Please!
Posted by MLLASH on :
Thank you guys, so much for the encouraging words! I'd hop back on the MEL:TS train in a second, but not without my esteemed, handsome and talented co-writer!!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Hmm... well, *if* there's a demand...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I was MEL:TS's biggest fan back from way back! And I totally DEMAND its return!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 14
Panel 1
*Elza wops a Starburst Bandit on the head with her space-purse*
Elza: Take that, young man! Why, back in my day, I used to take down space-pirates tougher than you every day before breakfast...
Panel 2
*Tenzil flies into Elza, knocking her out of the way of blaster fire*
Tenzil: Watch out, ma'am!
Panel 3
Widget: BREEP!... This unit is calling for BREEP!.... assistance!
Panel 4
*Tenzil picks up fallen Bandit's weapon*
Tenzil: Hmm... let's just set this baby on "stun"...
Panel 5
*Tenzil blasts one of the Starbust Bandits*
Tenzil: Stay down, Mrs. Perkins...
Panel 6
*Tenzil hits another Starburst Bandit with a flying kick, while blasting another one and dodging blaster fire from a third*
Panel 7
Elza: I'm not exactly helpless over here, Mr. Eater Lad...
Posted by MLLASH on :
Oh how delightful-!! Can MEL:TS really be back?!?!
PAGE 15
Panel 1
*Elza, Tenzil and Widget form a semicircle, looking all tough and stuff in "ready to fight mode" as remaining pirate aliens surround them*
Elza: This will be my GREATEST battle--!!
Tenzil: Just how many times have you battled--??
Elza: Let's just say, I was giving evildoers heartburn back in the 2940s! And we had to do it without fancy-schmancy flight rings and such!
Tenzil: "We"?
caption: Tenzil's inquiries will have to wait, as he, Elza and Widget --despite having only just met-- engage in a fourth-dimensional-ballet of battle, taking down pirate aliens with elegance usually reserved for fancy-schmancy dance recitals of space!
Elza: *chuckle* Well, I would hope so...! But I've said too much already-- which is really odd, because one thing I've never been is a blabberpuss, nosiree Bob!
Widget: BREEP! This unit is being informed that BREEP! ...the Science Police have arrived!
Tenzil: *rolling eyes* The sci-cops... Right on time, as usual. Well, let's meet up with them and see if we can't get this plot-pace picked up a bit!
Elza: *to Widget* "Plot-pace"?
Widget: BREEP! I suspect that is some sort of BREEP! fancy-schmancy Legion codeword.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 16
Panel 1
*Several Sci-Cops burst into the room*
Sci-Cop Commander: Everybody freeze!
Panel 2
*Our heroes raise their hands*
Tenzil: It's okay, sir! We've got everything under control!
Panel 3
Sci-Cop Commander: Oh, Legionnaire, I didn't recognize you at first...
Panel 4
*Sci-Cop Commander takes off helmet to reveal...*
Tenzil: Shvaughn Erin! And I thought you were a man!
Panel 5
Shvaughn: Wha...
Tenzil: Those Sci-Cop outfits sure do disguise your gender, don't they?
Panel 6
Shvaughn: Er... yes. Now, what happened here?
Panel 7
caption: After Tenzil explains, with many interjections by Elza Perkins...
Shvaughn: Hmm... apparently you surprised them before they could complete their mission, but they still managed to take Dr. Larx Kendrik hostage...
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 17
Panel 1
Tenzil: Hmm. While it's certainly terrible that anyone was taken hostage, perhaps now would be a good time for a flashback sequence or cutaway scene of some sort so that readers can be informed why they should particularly care about this Larx Kendrik fellow!
Elza: I'm a bit curious about him myself.
Widget: This unit is not programmed for BREEP curiosity.
Panel 2
Shvaughn: Well, I'm not sure what exactly these "readers" are you are referring to, but as for Dr. Kendrik...
Panel 3
*LOUD EXPLOSION* startles the gang
Panel 4
Elza: Oh my space-stars!! That was louder than that time Vocal Queen got the hiccups back in 2950-- but I've said too much!! Which is really unlike me, of course...
Shvaughn: What WAS that?
Tenzil: Surely not one of the co-writers vamping for time?
Widget: Who is BREEP Shirley?
Panel 5
*random sci-cop approaches*
Sci-Cop: One of the fourth-dimensional-engines blew, nothing to worry about... you should resume the conversation you were having prior to the explosion!
Tenzil: Just in time for the next page!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 18
Panel 1
Shvaughn: Larx Kendrik was a bigtime U.P. diplomat back in the day...
Tenzil: Should we be worried about that explosion?
Panel 2
Shvaughn: The Legion of Super-Villains once tried to assassinate him by disguising a bomb as a trophy he was supposed to be receiving...*
Editor's Note: This all happened in Superboy #208, as longtime Legion readers will remember!
Panel 3
Shvaughn: He's been pretty much living off his fame and celebrity these past few years, I'm not sure why anyone would want to kidnap him...
Panel 4
Ezra: Wait just one sec there, honey... I don't mean to butt in or tell you your business or anything, but are you sure that fellow your describing is named "Kendrick"? Because that sounds a lot like that "Larx Kenrick" fellow who has been featured in the 4D tabloids lately...
Panel 5
*Shvaughn checks her portable computer panel*
Shvaughn: Hmm... let me check. Ah... it appears as though it is difficult to transliterate his name from his native language into Interlac, and that both "Kendrick" and "Kenrick" are valid versions...*
Editor's Note: Sheesh! I bet the main Legion book never has a problem with characters suddenly changing names from one panel to the next...
Panel 6
Caption: Oh, and speaking of the main Legion book...
*Our cast suddenly are disturbed and clutch their heads in agony*
Shvaughn: What is that?
Elza: It's like the death scream of an entire planet, mentally projected throughout space!*
Editor's Note: Check out Legion of Super-Heroes vol. 6, #1 for full details!
Panel 7
Tenzil: So, should we be worried about *that*?
[ October 26, 2012, 11:58 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 19
Panel 1
Widget: If only this unit were BREEP programmed for dispensing of space-headache remedies BREEP!
Tenzil: I didn't know you cared, Widge!
Widget: This unit BREEP appears to be BREEP evolving.
Panel 2
Tenzil: What I'm really curious about is how that panel involving our head-distress and its caption firmly places our continuity in the pre-New 52 continuity instead of the more recent "nottaboot" or, as it is more commonly known, the post-Flashpoint continuity. Does this make us NOT a part of the new 52? And does it mean our page count is now 20 instead of 22?
Elza: You certainly do like to hear yourself talk, don't you, Mr. Eater-Lad?
Panel 3
Tenzil: Well, it's just that if our page count IS 20 now, I have a feeling something totes space-cray-cray is going to happen very shortly because this is page 19, and we will want to hook the readers with a cliffhanger to bring them back next issue.
Shvaughn: *sigh* Thought balloon: No wonder they keep kicking him out of the Legion! Jan was right, he's nuttier than Winath crunch pudding.
Panel 4
Widget: BREEP! This unit is receiving a communication of some sort BREEP!
Elza: Planet's sake!
Tenzil: What's the haps, Widge?
Panel 5
Widget: No- BREEP! Not BREEP ---THAT! BREEP! ANYthing but BREEP --THAT! BREEE-EEEP!
Tenzil: Uh oh... this doesn't sound good!
[ October 27, 2012, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: MLLASH ]
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 20
(smallish panel at top of page)
Widget: Oh, it isn't good at all-- this unit's voice chip has been damaged by smoke... this unit has only one BREEP left... and there it was.
Tenzil: Oh... umm, sorry about that?
Widget: It will be okay...
Elza: *pointing* Oh my stars and nebulae!! Is that another space-pirate??
(rest-of-page panel)
Woman: Pirate? Nonsense, sentient!! I am here to assist the authorities in any way possible-- I... E. Dayvii Ester-- CALAMITY QUEEN!
Elza: Planet's sake!!
Tenzil: Jumping fishooks!
Widget: BROOP!
NEXT ISSUE: Assuming there IS one... WHO IS-- WHAT IS-- CALAMITY QUEEN?!?! Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Matter-Eater Lad: The Series #2
PAGE 1
Panel 1
Narration: In the last issue of Matter-Eater Lad, our hero made new friends!
*Pic of Elza and Widget, with name captions...*
Panel 2
Narration: Pirates attacked!
*Shows battle with pirates*
Panel 3
Narration: 4D engines exploded!
*Shows explosion
Panel 4
Narration:
Narration: We briefly acknowledge the events of the main book...
Narration: And a new castmember emerged on the scene!
*Characters looking all startled*
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 2
Panel 1
*Half-page splash*
"Calamity Queen": It is I... E. Dayvii Ester... CALAMITY QUEEN!
Panel 2
Calamity Queen walks towards our heroes...
Tenzil: Jumping fishhooks!
Panel 3
*Calamity Queen trips and falls over debris and stuff!*
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 3
Panel 1
Elsa: Heavens to Betelgeuse! Are you okay? You look like you took quite a spill there, missy! I don't mean to meddle in you business or anything, but you really should take care to look where you're going!
Panel 2
Widget: BIP!
Tenzil (helping CQ up): Hmm...Calamity King is an old friend of mine... we once saved the planet Koobar together! Don't tell me you've come down with a case of the Grandin Gender-Reversal germs, old pal!
Panel 3
Calamity Queen: Er... no. I am not him. But I prefer to keep any information about myself a secret at the moment! Sorry about those 4D engines, by the way! Sometimes I have a little difficulty controlling my powers!
Panel 4
Shvaughn: Well, I find it suspicious that you're not included on the flight manifest at all. But we'll deal with you when we get to Bismoll. Right now, I need to go interview one of the passengers who was apparently one of the targets of the pirates. You guys can come with, if you like.
Panel 5
Tenzil: Sure, why not?
Elza: I'm always up for making new acquaintances!
Widget: BUP... this unit will submit itself for repairs...
Panel 6
caption: Soon...
<panel shows Shvaughn, with Tenz, Elza, and Calamity Queen in tow, knocking on the door that reads "Spiffany">
Posted by MLLASH on :
PAGE 4
Panel 1
*door opens, and standing there is none other than LESTER SPIFFANY!*
Lester: What's the meaning of this? What were all those explosions and stuff? I-- LESTER SPIFFANY-- DEMAND ANSWERS!
Panel 2
Tenzil: Lester-!!! It's me, Tenzil!
Lester: I've never seen you before in my life, I would never associate with anyone wearing such garish fashions!
Panel 3
Elza: Oh my! How embarrassing for you, Mr. Eater-Lad!
Tenzil's thoughts: Hopping Hannah! I totally forgot that Matter-Eater Lad: The Series Volume 1 was set in post-boot continuity! The Lester Spiffany of whatever continuity this is has no previous relationship with me!
Lester: WELL? Are you just going to stand there staring blankly, or am I going to get my answers??
Voice from cabin: Settle down, Lester...
Panel 4
Tiffany Spiffany: ...don't you recognize a famous Legionnaire when you see one?
Tiffany: Yes indeed, Officer. I heard that there was some dreadful attempt to highjack the ship!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
PAGE 5
Panel 1
Shvaughn: We have reason to believe that the persons who illegally boarded the ship may have intended to kidnap you.
Panel 2
Tiffany: Kidnap me?
Lester: Kidnap her! Why, I'm much more important!
Panel 3
Shvaughn: According to 4D-transmissions picked up from the pirates, you, Ambassador Larx Kendrick... er... Kenrick, and Dr. K'kvlak Plver were the pirates main targets. We know they took Kenrick but were chased away by Legionnaire Tenzil Kem before they got to you...
Panel 4
Tenzil: What about Dr. Plver? He was a student of my old buddy Dr. Orbal, who once cured me being super-fatassed!
Panel 5
Shvaughn: Apparently, Dr. Plver is presently missing. We don't see how the pirates could have gotten to him, given the part of the ship they attacked, but no one has seen him since the attack...
Panel 6
Tiffany: Well, what exactly can I do for you?
Lester: And what are you going to do for us? I can't have stupid space pirates going around kidnapping my sister! She's the only one who knows how to drive our space-yacht!
![[Matter Eater Lad]](graemlins/MatterEaterLad.gif)