Here's the drill; in this topic, you post your favorite quotes, no matter the source. Simple, no? Don't forget to atribute the quote to it's owner.

Ok here's my quote for the day:

"I feel we've all arrived at a very special place: spiritually, ecumenically, gramatically..."- CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: CotBP

BTW, hilarious movie, easily one of my all time favorites.

Cool! I love funny quotes!

"My cat's breath smells like cat food"
-Ralph Wiggum 'The Simpsons'

"That came out sounding a lot more lesbian than it did in my head." Anya from the episode 'Tough Love' of Buffy. Season 5 I think. Just saw the episode tonight and that line made me crack up.

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!"

- Heathers

"I love being the hostess. It's so easy to get home at the end of the evening."
-- Brittany from MTV cartoon 'Daria'

You must have read my mind.

"You've got me? Who's got you?"

- Lois Lane, Superman

"Why are you wearing that stupid human suit?" - Frank - DOnnie Darko

"Why don't you come see me sometime when you have no class?"
-- Rodney Dangerfield to English professor Sally Kellerman in Back to School

"The people you meet when you don't have a gun."

-Ryan Stiles, Whose Line Is It Anyway?

"Listen, do you smell something?"
-- Dan Akroyd, "Ghostbusters"

"Stupid is as stupid does."

HWW, that's an underrated comic movie gem.

"I'm so outta shape, I'm givin' my body to science fiction."
-- Rodney Dangerfield, in "Back to School"

"C'mon, Mom, I'm middle-aged."
"No, dear, I'm middle-aged."
"Yeah? How many 120-year-olds do you know?"
-- Meryl Streep and Shirley MacLaine in "Postcards From the Edge"

"You haven't slept with her, have you?"
"That is a cheap question, and the answer is, of course, no comment."
"'No comment' means 'yes.'"
"No, it doesn't!"
"Do you ever masturbate?"
"Definitely no comment."
"See, it means 'yes.'"
-- Max (Tim McInnerny) and William (Hugh Grant) obliquely
discussing Anna (Julia Roberts), in "Notting Hill"

This is actually a take on 'background chatter' used in British comedies, most notably Are You Being Served?. Whenever they needed talking going on behind the coversation of focus they would say "The things you see when you haven't got your gun.". The phrase also made it into the script a number of times for other instances.

It makes sense to hear Ryan Stiles say it since he was on the British version of Who's Line. I love that show.

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."

George Carlin

Great thread for Boosting Posts Count and Testing That Signature ...

"The Church of the SuperGenius continues to worship Wile E. Coyote.
We are currently denying the existence of a secret gnostic inner
group, known as the Church of Wile E. Coyote, Scientist, whose
esoteric doctrine is that this entire world was built by ACME."
-- Arthur D. Hlavaty

"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been
ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read
them openly. When I became a man, I put away childish things --
including the fear of childishness and the desire to be grown-up."
-- C.S. Lewis

"What about that 'Elisa' you left back in Michigan?"
"Oh, she isn't real. Just someone I made up."
"Well, them's the best kind. Right now -- I need the worst kind!"
-- Ben (Lee Marvin) and Pardner (Clint Eastwood) in "Paint Your Wagon"

It's more the way it is now than it's ever been. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Now, don't everypanic body, just because the comesters are ganging!"
-- The Skipper, "Gilligan's Island"

Man, you learn something new on this board everyday. Thanks for the info!

"Hazards are risks, and risks are chances."
-- Fairport Convention (lyrics by Sandy Denny), "Stranger to Himself"

“Room service? Send up a larger room.” - Groucho Marx

"You know I'm tempermental" - Curley
"Yeah, 95% temper, 5% mental" - Moe

" I'm trying to think, but nothin' happens " - Curley

"If you're going to cheat, cheat fair. If there's anything I hate it's a crooked crook!" -Moe

"I said, 'Do you speak-a my language?'
He just smiled and gave me a vegamite sandwich."
-- Men at Work, "The Land Downunder"

"You girls have everything: you're tall and short, skinny and stout, blonde and brunette, and that's just the kind of woman I like." Groucho Marx, as Captain Spaulding, in Animal Crackers

Ten Quotes

"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail." - Abraham Maslow

“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” - Will Durant

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain

“There are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something.” - Thomas A. Edison

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” - Albert Einstein

“You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.” - Robin Williams

“Confidence in nonsense is a requirement for the creative process.” - Anonymous

“Only those who can see the invisible can accomplish the impossible.” - Patrick Snow

“We must become the change we want to see.” - Ghandi

"Adventure is not outside a man, it is within.” - David Grayson

These are all from Buffy: the Vampire Slayer, my favorite show of all time, may it rest in peace...

"Bored Now." -Evil Vampire Willow

"My Head feels Big. Is it Big? -Willow
"No, its head-sized." -Oz

"Calm may work for Locutus of Borg here, but I'm freaked out and I intend to stay that way!" -Xander

"I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend." -Buffy

There's so many more amazing lines that came from this show. I've got several more but they're from the end of the last season and I don't want to spoil it for anyone.

Now I see Reep's post of all these inspirational quotes from real life people... and I post quotes from a TV show called Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

sigh -I think its bedtime.

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.” - Steven Wright

“Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing.” - Robert Benchley

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." Steven Wright

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it." Steven Wright

“Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.” - Will Rogers

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides.

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. it's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do and you've done it.

All attempts to destroy democracy by terrorism will fail. It must be business as usual.

All attributed to Margaret Thatcher.

“Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.” - Groucho Marx

"New ideas pass through three periods:
*It can't be done.
*It probably can be done, but it's not worth doing
*I knew it was a good idea all along!"

Arthur C. Clarke

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value."

Arthur C. Clarke

"I think it would be a good idea." - Gandhi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization

"The moon is the first milestone on the road to the stars."

Arthur C. Clarke

"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting." - Gloria Leonard

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

Arthur C. Clarke

“I'm not against the police, I'm just afraid of them.” - Alfred Hitchcock (the “Master of Terror”)

And a few more from the esteemed Mr. Clarke:

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."

"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible."

"I don't pretend we have all the answers. But the questions are certainly worth thinking about."

"When a distinguished but elderly scientist says that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he says it is impossible, he is very probably wrong."

"All explorers are seeking something they have lost. It is seldom that they find it, and more seldom still that the attainment brings them greater happiness than the quest."

"Human judges can show mercy. But against the laws of nature, there is no appeal."

"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him."

"A faith that cannot survive collision with the truth is not worth many regrets."

"Chemistry is a trade for people without enough imagination to be physicists."

"If people don't come to the ballpark, how are you gonna stop them?" - Yogi Berra

"I can't get this tree right...Damn, I will kill everyone in the world!"-Eddie Izzard on how an artist (Hitler), turned into a mass murdering fuckhead.

"And that's the secret to traveling at the speed of light."-Starfire, from the new Teen Titans cartoon. Funny cause it just seems out of place.

"The high office of President has been used to foment a plot to destroy the Americans freedom, and before I leave office I must inform the citizen of his plight."

John Fitzgerald Kennedy at Columbia University, 10 days before his assassination.

"Sorry, your worship!"

"Would you PLEASE stop calling me that?"

"Sure, Leia."

"You know, you make it REALLY hard sometimes."

"I do, I really do. You could be a bit nicer, though. Admit it, sometimes you think I'm all right."

"Occasionally. When you aren't acting like a scoundrel."

"A scoundrel? SCOUNDREL? I like the sound of that."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"My hands are dirty."

"My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?"

"Afraid? I'm not afraid."

"You're trembling. You like me BECAUSE I'm a scoundrel. You need a scoundrel in your life."

"I happen to like nice men."

"I'm nice men."

"Ho you're not, you're MMMMMMMPPPPPHHHHH"

<<<BIG KISS>>>

"Sir! Sir! I think I've isolated the problem in the reverse power coupling!!!"

“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.” - Einstein

“There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on senators.” - Will Rogers

“Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.” - Groucho Marx

BWAHAHAHAHA

"All right, everybody line up alphabetically according to your height." - Casey Stengel

“On the other hand, you have different fingers.” - Steven Wright

“I'm never wrong. I once thought I was wrong, turns out, I was mistaken.” - Unknown

“Life is a long lesson in humility.” - James M. Barrie

“The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy.” - Alfred North Whitehead

“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize” - Steven Wright

“Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.” - G.K. Chesterton

“The Way of the sage is to act but not to compete.” - Lao-tzu

“Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps”. - Emo Phillips

“I have nothing new to teach the world. Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills. All I have done is to try experiments in both on as vast a scale as I could.” - Gandhi

“If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?” - Steven Wright

“He who knows others is wise; he who know himself is enlightened.” - Lao-tzu

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” -
Shakespeare

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” - Albert Einstein

"The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets double header." - Casey Stengel

“Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.” - Elsa Maxwell

“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.” - Steven Wright

"Son, we'd like to keep you around this season but we're going to try and win a pennant." - Casey Stengel

"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it." - W.C. Fields

"There comes a time in every man's life and I've had plenty of them." - Casey Stengel

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright

“The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.” - Somerset Maugham

First, a disclaimer. I do not support the first quote I'm about to post. I'm posting it as an example of some of the stupid things anyone can say. I'm not sure if the statement was taken back or apologized for.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

John Wayne

"All battles are fought by scared men who would have rather have been somewhere else."

John Wayne

"There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organisation. If there are such things as angels, hope that they are organised along the lines of the Mafia."

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., The Sirens of Titan

"The two prime movers in the Universe are Time and Luck."

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." Lao-Tzu

"To see things in the seed, that is genius." Lao-Tzu

"The softest things in the world overcome the hardest things in the world." Lao-Tzu

"Those who know do not speak Those that speak do not know." Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness Kindness in giving creates love." Lao-Tzu

"I get by with a little help from my friends." John Lennon

"All you need is love." John Lennon

"All we are saying is: give peace a chance." John Lennon

"Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one." John Lennon

"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it." John Lennon

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." Agatha Christie

"If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody." Agatha Christie

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." Agatha Christie

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" -Homer Simpson

“Be sincere; be brief; be seated.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality.” - Bertrand Russell

“Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world.” - Ludwig Wittgenstein

"Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game: you can win or you can lose or it can rain." - Casey Stengel

"Follow your dreams. You can meet your goals. I am living proof. Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!!" Eric Cartman (Weight Gainer 4000)

"The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmut and he spits in your eye." Eric Cartman (Ike's Wee Wee)

"DUDE, THAT IS NOT COOL!!! CHOPPING OFF WEE-WEES IS NOT COOL!!!" Eric Cartman (Ike's Wee Wee)

"We're never gunna get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!" Eric Cartman (Pink Eye)

"Why is it that everything today has to do with things either going in or coming out of my ass???" Eric Cartman (Cartman Gets An Anal Probe)

"I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die" Mr.Garrison, on the female sex organ (The Movie)

Damnity damn, that's a damn good movie.

"But that's the way it goes
In war you're shat upon
Though we die, La Resistance ...
Lives ooooonnnnn!"
-- "La Resistance" in "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut"

Now, where else would I have found out the passive transitive-verb form of "to shit"? You learn something every day. Thank you, Marc Shaiman. (Composer and co-lyricist, whom I corresponded with briefly on line to fill in some of the less-than-perfectly-audible lyrics.)

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of
power should on no account be allowed to do the job."
-- Douglas Adams

"Taxation is nothing more than organized robbery, and there the
subject should be dropped." -- Frank Chodorov

"Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the
truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong."
-- Thomas Jefferson ("Notes on Virginia," 1782)

"I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said,
'I drank what?'" -- Chris Knight (Val Kilmer) in "Real Genius"

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?" - Steven Wright

“An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly.” - Edwin P. Whipple

“I never have found the perfect quote. At best I have been able to find a string of quotations which merely circle the ineffible idea I seek to express.” - Caldwell O'Keefe

“Art is either plagiarism or revolution.” - Paul Gauguin

"The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided." - Casey Stengel

“A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation”. - Bertrand Russell

“When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.” - Japanese proverb

“You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.” - Albert Camus

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.” - Vernon Sanders Law

"We are a much improved ball club, now we lose in extra innings!" - Casey Stengel

“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically... on children than the unlived life of the parent.” - Carl Jung

“To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.” - Bertrand Russell

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” - Galileo

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” - Arthur Schopenhauer

“The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next.” - Matthew Arnold

“Painting is just another way of keeping a diary.” - Picasso

“War does not determine who is right - only who is left.” - Bertrand Russell

“We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.” - John F. Kennedy

“The truth is more important than the facts.” - Frank Lloyd Wright

"Great advances in thought are often the result of fortunate errors." A. N. Whitehead.

“If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.” - Dan Quayle

“There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth.” - Agnes Repplier

[This post had a dupe quote, but I've changed it to this one.]

"He's throwing grounders." - Casey Stengel

"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name." - Unknown

Top Ten Favorite Dan Quayle Quotes

“I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.”

“What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is.”

“The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to tomorrow or past to the -- to the back!”

'“Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement.' Not so. No one was fooled.”

“Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement.”

“This president is going to lead us out of this recovery.”

“Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. It's the other way around. They never vote for us.”

“People are not homeless if they're sleeping in the streets of their own hometowns.”

“Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue. Us men are tired of losing our women.”

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

Top Ten George Dubya Bush Quotes

"Down in Washington they're playing with Social Security like it's some kind of government program!"

"There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.'"

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier...just as long as I'm the dictator..."

"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"

"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."

"Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning"

"They misunderestimated me."

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint." Erma Bombeck

"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one." Erma Bombeck

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." Erma Bombeck

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else." Erma Bombeck

"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart." Erma Bombeck

"If you can laugh at it, you can live with it." Erma Bombeck

"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one. Helen Keller is the other." Erma Bombeck

"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child." Erma Bombeck

"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead." Erma Bombeck

Marc Shaiman seems to be a REALLY sweet guy. And Hairspray is a great show.

That may be my new favorite quote. Thanks, Reep.

You're welcome!

While you're at it, Thank LL too.

Ten Favorite Quotes From Painters

"Painting is damned difficult ... you always think you've got it, but you haven't." - Paul Cezanne

“I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it.” - Vincent Van Gogh

“I am the primitive of the way I have discovered.” - Paul Cezanne

”It has bothered me all my life that I do not paint like everybody else.” - Henri Matisse

"I've caught this magical landscape and it's the enchantment of it that I'm so keen to render. Of course lots of people will protest that it's quite unreal, but that's just too bad." - Claude Monet

"Painting from nature is not copying the object, it is realizing one's sensations." - Paul Cezanne

“I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for.” - Georgia O’Keefe

"Drawing is not what one sees but what one can make others see." - Edgar Degas

“It is not the language of painters but the language of nature which one should listen to, the feeling for the things themselves, for reality, is more important than the feeling for pictures.” - Vincent Van Gogh

“An empty canvas is a living wonder -- far lovelier than certain pictures." -Wassily Kandinsky

LOL! I need to learn to read!

Thanks, Scott!

Ten Favorite Einstein Quotes

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

“My sense of God is my sense of wonder about the Universe.”

“Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.”

“We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.”

“The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. The trite subjects of human efforts, possessions, outward success, luxury have always seemed to me contemptible.”

“If there is any religion that could cope with modern scientific needs, it would be Buddhism.”

”There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.”

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.”

“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.”

“The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.”

Six Favorite Gandhi Quotes

“I do not believe in the doctrine of the greatest good of the greatest number. The only real, dignified, human doctrine is the greatest good of all.”

“We are constantly being astonished at the amazing discoveries in the field of violence. But I maintain that far more undreamt of and seemingly impossible discoveries will be made in the field of nonviolence.”

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed.”

“Non-cooperation is an attempt to awaken the masses, to a sense of their dignity and power. This can only be done by enabling them to realize that they need not fear brute force, if they would but know the soul within.”

“Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into.”

Twelve Jack Handy Quotes

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

If you are ever skydiving, and your parachute fails, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a good gag would be to pretend you're swimming.

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. "Uh-oh," he thought. "This watering hole is reserved for skeletons."

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Random videogame quotes

"Victoly!"-Samurai Showdown

"All your base are belong to us!"-Zero Wing

"You spoony bard!" -Tellah, Final Fantasy II(IV)

"Is this the end of lovable Igniz?" Igniz, King of Fighters 2001

More funny quotes by Homer Simpson:

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"God bless those pagans."

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!"

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."

Becausr I need to boost my post count:
Even more Homer Simpson quotes:

"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours."

"And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream."

"Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the bible."

"When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more... more... MORE!"

"Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people."

"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."

"I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me."

"English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"

Two Dolly Parton quotes (who just comes out with the best lines ever). The first was her response to an interviewer asking why she had her boobs done.

"I got tierd of guys saying 'show us your tits' and having to lift up my skirt"

and

"It takes a lot of money to look this cheap".

He he. Dolly rocks.

That's GREAT. I love Dolly Parton.

“Even as wisdom often comes from the mouths of babes, so does it often come from the mouths of old people. The golden rule is to test everything in the light of reason and experience, no matter from where it comes.” - Gandhi

“When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.” - Einstein

"Its good to be back here in the great state of Chicago!" - Dan Quayle

“The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little pratice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!” - Calvin

“Nearly all men can withstand adversity; If you want to test a man's character, give him power.” - Abraham Lincoln

“What's the point of wearing your lucky rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?” - Calvin

‘The physicist's greatest tool is his wastebasket.” - Albert Einstein

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.” - Mark Twain

“Simplicity is the pursuit of the essential.” - Mark Shepard

“Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid. Human beings are incredibly slow, inaccurate, and brilliant. Together they are powerful beyond imagination.” - Einstein

“I have a hammer! I can put things together. I can tear things apart. I can alter my enviroment while making an incredible din the whole time. God, its great to be a male.” - Calvin

“Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.” - Einstein

“There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry

“I've found that every time I've made a radical change, it's helped me feel buoyant as an artist.” - David Bowie

"I'm glad I haven't found my style yet. I'd be bored to death." - Edgar Degas

“You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!” - Calvin

“An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.” - Aldous Huxley

“Fantasy is a necessary ingrediant in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.” - Dr. Suess

“The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.” - Abbie Hoffman

“I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse." - Emo Phillips

"I don't care who you are, at
some point when you go online, you become Mrs Cravitz."

--- Rachel Cree

"When I need alone time, I pull the fire alarm." - David Letterman's 'Top Ten Things Said by Disgruntled School Teachers'.

“Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?” - Homer Simpson

“Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, ‘Why limit yourselves?’" - Emo Phillips

"I would have said yes to abortion if only it was right. I mean, yeah it's right. Well no it's not right that's why I said no to it." - George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - Dan Quayle

“I think the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” - Calvin

“Government is the Entertainment Division of the military-industrial complex.” - Frank Zappa

“I am not currently able to divulge this information, as it may compromise our agents in the field.” - Calvin

“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” - Einstein

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.” - Mark Twain

“The pioneers of a warless world are the youth that refuse military service.” - Albert Einstein

“If you want happiness for a lifetime - help the next generation.” - Chinese Proverb

"Important principles may and must be inflexible" - Abraham Lincoln (1865)

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.” - Albert Schweitzer

“In the need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind.” - Albert Camus

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” - Bertrand Russell

“You know, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.” - Calvin

“My girlfriend said, ‘Emo, I'm seeing another man.’ I said, ‘Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.’" - Emo Phillips

“Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.” - Mark Twain

“Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.” - Aldous Huxley

So Reep, did you just buy a book of quotes or something?

"The armless ambidextrian was lighting a match between his great and second toe."
-- MacLeish, "The End of the World."

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." J. R. R. Tolkien

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." J. R. R. Tolkien

"I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence." J. R. R. Tolkien

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." J. R. R. Tolkien

"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish." J. R. R. Tolkien

"Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to." J. R. R. Tolkien in a letter to his son, Michael Tolkien, March 1941

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

"It's a dangerous business going out your front door." J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

"I thought about procrastinating one day, but I never got around to it." - Unknown

Drake: No. I'm a writer. I own and have read seven books of quotations during the last forty years.


“What no wife of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he’s staring out the window.” - Burton Rascoe

“He has left off reading altogether, to the great improvement of his originality.” - Charles Lamb

“There is only one trait that marks the writer. He is always watching.” - Morley Callaghan

“Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.” - Henry David Thoreau

“If I can't dance, I don't want your revolution.” - Emma Goldman

“When you forget to eat you know you are alive.” - Henry Miller

“He’s the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.” Mae West

“The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.” - Mark Van Doren

“Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.” Chinese proverb

“I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’" - Emo Phillips

“All profoundly original art looks ugly at first.” - Albert Camus

“Occasional vulgarity is the by-product of the vitality and passion without which there can be no great art.” - Francis Toye

“Art is not a thing, it is a way.” - Elbert Hubbard

Three Quotes About Editors

“No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else’s draft.” - H. G. Wells

“Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none.” - Jules Renard

“Some people read because they are too lazy to think.” - G.C. Lichtenberg

"I want to die painting." - Paul Cezanne

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” - Jon Stewart

"Am I a man dreaming that I am a butterfly,
or a bowling ball dreaming that I'm a plate of sashimi?
Never assume that what you see and feel is real"-Doreen, Chrono Trigger

"Lick it up, baby -- Lick. It. UP."
-- Veronica "Heathers."

"Let's take a bite (chomp) out of crime!"
-- McGruff, the Crime Dog

"another picture of a girl with a gun to bore me."
-- Bikini Kill

“Genius is the highest type of reason - talent the highest type of understanding.” L.P. Hickock

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” - Barry LePatner

“Archie doesn’t know how to worry without getting upset.” - Edith Bunker

“”Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.” - Frank Moore Colby

“Impropriety is the soul of wit.” - Somerset Maugham

“Hero-worship is strongest where there is the least regard for human freedom.” - Herbert Spencer.

“You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? So some pimply little puke can treat you like dirt because your not on the team. Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff.” - Moe The Bartender

‘I don't want the cheese, I just want out of the trap.” - Spanish Proverb

"He that waits upon fortune, is never sure of a dinner." Benjamin Franklin

"He that lives upon hope will die fasting." Benjamin Franklin

"Laws too gentle are seldom obeyed; too severe, seldom executed." Benjamin Franklin

"There is a difference between imitating a good man and counterfeiting him." Benjamin Franklin

"Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life." Benjamin Franklin

"If a man empties his purse into his head, no man can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." Benjamin Franklin

"Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one." Benjamin Franklin

"To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions." Benjamin Franklin

"If you would be loved, love and be lovable." Benjamin Franklin

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" Benjamin Franklin

"Fear not death, for the sooner we die the longer we shall be immortal." Benjamin Franklin

"A man is not completely born until he is dead." Benjamin Franklin

"A penny saved is a penny earned." Benjamin Franklin

"I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody." Benjamin Franklin

"Joy is not in things! It is in us!" Benjamin Franklin

"Anger warms the Invention, but overheats the oven." Benjamin Franklin

"While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us." Benjamin Franklin

"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." Benjamin Franklin

"God heals and the Doctor takes the fee." Benjamin Franklin

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." Benjamin Franklin

"Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?" Benjamin Franklin

"Be civil to all, sociable to many, familiar with few, friend to one, enemy to none." Benjamin Franklin

"Remember that time is money." Benjamin Franklin

"They that can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty or safety." Benjamin Franklin

"Nothing in life is certain except death and taxes." Benjamin Franklin

"The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all his customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who by peddling second-hand, second-rate technology, led them all into it in the first place." Douglas Adams

"In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long-term perspective, it is likely that the most important event historians will see is not technology, not the Internet, not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time - literally - substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And society is totally unprepared for it." Peter F. Drucker

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity." Albert Einstein

"I had to make some optimistic assumptions to meet the revenue target In week three, we're visited by an alien named D'utox Inag who offers to share his advanced technology." Dilbert

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” - Voltaire

"If it's green, it's biology, If it stinks, it's chemistry, If it has numbers it's math, If it doesn't work, it's technology." Unknown

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology." Clive James

“The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Enough is a feast.” - Buddhist proverb

“Don't speak unless you can improve upon silence.” - Spanish Proverb

‘Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.’ - Lao-Tzu

“What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life.” - Walt Whitman

"Am I not destroying my enemies by making them my friend?" - Abraham Lincoln

I'm new here, and I do apologize in advance, but this quote has been dogging me for years.

"if parody alone can adequately render the reality of our times, only irony offers us the freedom and detachment that are essential conditions of responsible analysis and action."

Theodore Ziolkoroski (in the forward to Herman Hesse's "The Glass Bead Game")

Discuss.

(Semi-Transparent Fellow, since we all seem to be hot to post funny/wise/weird quotes on this topic, you may not have much luck in starting a discussion on any one quote here. But new topics can be whatever you want it to be. )

“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.” - Matt Groening

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Reep:
[QB] (Semi-Transparent Fellow, since we all seem to be hot to post funny/wise/weird quotes on this topic, you may not have much luck in starting a discussion on any one quote here. But new topics can be whatever you want it to be. )

Reep, comment well taken. Discuss was not meant seriously.

You mean was a clue?

“Art is like a shipwreck - it's everyman for himself.” - Marcel Duchamp

I toyed with calling myself "obvious man" but trembled at the thought of the copyright suit.

"... rejection kills -- disappointment only maims."
-- Jeanine Garafalo, "The Truth About Cats & Dogs"

“The unhappiest people I know, romantically speaking, are the ones who like pop music the most; and I don't know whether pop music has caused this unhappiness, but I do know that they've been listening to the sad songs longer than they've been living the unhappy lives.” - Nick Hornby

“I have great faith in fools; my friends call it self-confidence.” - Edgar Allen Poe

"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees." - Unknown

"Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars"
-- Casey Kasem

“Happiness is not a circus clown rolling around in a big tractor tire so that his arms and legs form spokes. Happiness is when he stops.” - Jack Handey

A round of quotes from Jack Handy:

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons. (maybe by shoving them down his throat).

Jack Handy continued:

Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and hand it to him.

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.

If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.

Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it little friend.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be "Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something else else"

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw &*$# you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.

My last ones for Jack Handy. And I just want to point out that if I were really a post whore, I would have done each one of these individually.

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what?They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide.Then, at the very end, there's a page that you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.

How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.

I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a million ants just to aim a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me? I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweedand roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll standup and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Martha cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at the Marineland says, "You can't throw chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish." Sure they eat fish, if that's all you give them. Man, wise up.

I don't pretend to have all the answers, I don't even pretend to know all the questions.. Hey, where am I?

“Don’t get the idea I’m one of those goddam radicals. Don’t get the idea I’m knocking the American system.” - Al Capone

“Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.” - Edward Abbey

The funniest quote ever:

"Do you mind if I smoke while you eat?"
-From the movie 'The Devil in Ms Jones'