1. You never see super-villains having to do household chores, do you?

2. Unless you're hideous, you're dead sexy.

3. You live in exotic locales, in chateaux or fortresses - and you get to travel around a lot.

4. Never audited by the IRS.

5. You get to say things like "Shut up, you fool", "Very well, then", and "We meet at last!"

6. Have the private numbers of all world leaders.

7. Have the best stories at high school reunions.

8. No pressure to really succeed seeing as the hero always wins in the end.

9. Come on. Admit it. You've always wanted to have "henchmen".

10. You never had time for friends anyway

11. Never need to file expense reports.

12. There's never an inappropriate time to break out in maniacal laughter!

13. You never have to mess around with elections or constitutions either.


-yes Eric, henchmen are cool!

14. You get to construct large 'missiles' to dominate the world making up for your inadequacies.

Ask your Freudian analyst what that means kids.

15. An endless supply to the technology to hold the world dominion.

16. Almost everything you do strikes fear in the hearts of the innocent. *maniacal laughter*

17. Even if you don't win, you have a hostage audience to explain your master scheme to, so they can appreciate your brilliance.

18. At least "villain" doesn't rhyme with "zero".

19. While the do-gooders have to show up every month (suckers!), your work schedule is much more leisurely.

20. Villains get the cool chicks.

21. dramatic entrances, anyone?

Lady super-villains have the best hair and most expensive jewelry.

And great boots!

23. License to wear cool helmets.

24. You get to keep what you catch until YOU'RE caught.

25. Free legal protection by ACLU.

26. They're as resurrectable as the heroes, if not moreso!

27. You can say things like, "Of course I'm bitter -- I'm evil!"








HAAAA HA HA HA HA HAA HAA HA HA

(That felt great!)

28. Death.Ray.From.Orbit

29. Capes never go out of style.

30. Pirate boots.

31. If you are disappointed by bad news, you can cheer yourself up by throwing a tantrum and killing the messenger. It's not only acceptable, it's pretty much expected.

32. Heroes have dogs, who are, frankly, needy, neurotic and exhausting. Villains have cats, which pretty much take care of themselves, which is good, because who has time for that? There's world domination to plan and henchmen to oppress!

33. Never having to feel slighted, when you can have your opponent "removed"

*sitting with cat on lap.

34. Never having to worry about innocent bystanders

35. Black is so slimming.

36. Noone would dare to call your hats silly. - Mordru.

37. None would dare call your see through outfit a cry for help

38. (if male) Bulky (protective!) armor and a flowing cape is perfectly acceptable classic villain wear. You don't have to wear form-fitting spandex to show off your abs, so you can actually eat doughnuts and ice cream without fear of all the extra crunches you'll have to do to keep up appearances.

39. (if female) Straight superhero men make decisions with the wrong head and are easily convinced that you are just 'misunderstood' or 'had a rough childhood' or some such sentimental twaddle. String them along with skimpy decolletage and flirty innuendo and they'll let you go, convinced that their manly stank of justice is wearing you down, while you, like Catwoman, continue your life of larceny and lawbreaking *for decades* while the super-moron who is supposed to be stopping you thinks that you are 'coming around' because he 'understands you.'

40. Powers may be used with impunity without a thought about innocent bystanders.

41. Invited on the board of numerous multinational companies.

42. ... whose bill collectors you can simply vaporize, when they come asking you to pay the energy and utilities bill for your evil lair

43. Your flat or house instantly becomes your Evil Lair.

But how does that work if they bill you via e-mail and simply turn off the power when you don't pay by the deadline?

44. Never have to worry about utilities when Evil Lairs (TM) come standard with fusion reactors, geothermal taps, volcanoes, etc. Let those goody two-shoes heroes worry about bills!

^ I think that answers Malvolio?s question

Also 46. When someone asks you to pay a debt, you simply murder their entire leadership team

47. Work your own hours...

... after redesigning the calendar to your own evil whims.

48. I don't need to pay my minions, I can blackmail or scare them instead.

49. The world isn't full of people who oppose you, it's full of underlings who will know better than to cross you.

567. Nobody will complain about you messing up the list numbering. After all, it?s in your nature as a villain

Wheeeeezbbbz. You can have any numbering system you like.

52. And you can renumber everything to #1 for the New 52!

53. There is no 53 as you've taken over the world and rebooted everything.

54. One day it will be your turn to stand at the dawn of time as part of a DC Event.

55. One day, it will be your turn to be the main villain of a crossover event that makes no sense, and is designed just to get people to buy titles they otherwise would not

56. Heroes never get to beat Jason Todd to death with a crowbar.

57. Only a villain can make an accessory like the Emerald Eye of Ekron look *fabulous.*

58. Killing an enemy is often easier than trying to take them in alive!

59. Defeat only means going round the revolving door at the nearest prison. You'll be working on your next scheme by the next month.

60. Death only means you will probably be resurrected at some point - and unlike with heroes, you will probably come back more powerful!

61. You just know you're going to have the best parties!

62. You'll be invited to be part of all sorts of leagues, societies and gangs.

63. As a villain, you don?t need to split the bill equally

64. You don;t need permits for your weird, radioactivity based experiments.

65. You don't need yo remember your teammates' birthdays

66. If your teammates annoy you, rat them out or kill them.

67. As you are completely amoral and/or evil, you don't need to think about silly things like your teammates' food allergies

68. Holiday snaps from The Infernal Realms, The Negative Dimension and Fortress Omega Bar & Grill will be the envy of your friends.

69. You have so many possible motivations for torturing people. For material gain, for information, as a favour for another villain, as punishment, because you feel like it?

70. You can rise above the innuendo that lesser mortals would surely have made of reason 69.

71. You can subvert religion and claim you are an angel of God and do whatever you please.

72. Be the first kid on your block to collect all the colours pf Kryptonite.

Im doing it right

Good start. But don't forget the over emphasis and the maniacal laughter

*I'm* doing it RIGHT! Mwah hah ha ha!

73. You can return from the dead. Sales demand it!

74. There are no consequences for your actions. Arkham Asylum? Bah, it's a pleasure resort. Prison? Please. The death penalty? See No. 73, above.

75. Know that you're a better class of villain than the ones that go into politics.

76. The content of your dramatic, villainous monologue doesn't really matter, as long as you do it with the right amount of menace. Look at the Joker's ramblings, for example

77. Your villainous monologues can include all kinds of maniacal laughter. (Bwa-ha-ha, for instance)

78. You get to spend more time with your animal chums. The laser squirrels and stilt dolphins will then help you in your schemes!