<Red Skies are seen from all corners of Legion World. For quick seconds here and there, one can see glimpses of past and future sentients, as well as others from entirely different timelines and planets. Robin and Huntress of Earth-2 are seen being crushed by a brickwall.>

It's like this all over space! The ride in from Psyonia was terrible--we surely would have died, were it not for Abin's ring! Where is everyone?

Communications are jammed all over! Just as I was about to say the name of the enemy, it seemed the red skies appeared directly over Legion World. The LMBers I deployed to safeguard Earth haven't checked in for days...

<flying over Legion World>

It's time to find Vee...

Heh heh heh. Abin and his ring, see the incredible tricks he can perform. heh heh heh.

That wasn't foreshadowing, was it?

What, about the ring? Dear gods I hope not.

OK.

I'll let it go this time.

[STU quickly sticks his hand in his pocket, hiding the other ring he found]

"And one to rule them all..."

(Another potential epic months long MMB LMB Quest?--and only 6 posts into this one? )

I know it's not really our "thing", people, but let's try to focus on the crisis at hand. We should probably try to save the universe while it's still there

I'm with Cru on that one.

So, uh, how do we do that...?

Wow, and since I'm now the Assistant Chief of Security for Legion World I don't have to hide out during this crisis...

I get to shoot things! **Squeal of Delight**

By the Rainbow Bridge of Asgard! This crisis must not be allowed to destroy my new home.

Do tell me, kind mortals, how I may be of help.

<flys by Everyday Girl>

I just redid the budget for the upcoming year, EG, and we'll have top of the line hand-guns for you en masse. And hose cool double shoulder holsters too if you want.

Everyone be careful of the lightning! When it hits it knocks things out of existence. The "Dont'cha just love inane one word posts" thread almost just got nailed!

Lightning? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Tis but childs play to the Enchantress.

<Waves hands, lightning dissapears -- for the moment>

You can help me then Enchantress. Let me carry you around Legion World and you can zap all this lightning away.

Norse? You shouldn't get cold in that get-up then as we fly around.

Verily, 'twould be my pleasure. Lead on, then -- but do have a care with thy hands, should thee not wish to suffer a fate worse than being struck by the lightning.

You must be new around here--I'm known as the perfect gentleman, usually very shy and subdued around women. You can count on me to watch my hands very closely when I'm holding you.

<flies around Legion World>

It appears right now we're waiting for the others to all gather...

Cobie and the Enchantress? Why do I sense another crisis brewing...?

Cobie is actually very familiar with that fate. Most of us think he rather likes it.

My thanks for the information, Abin Quank. I shall remember it, should it be of use to me in the future...Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Compy informs me that the my hour of triumph is at hand. I am arrived to remake the universe in my imag... er I mean help save the universe.

Enough of this!

We have already lost more than one friend and I fear we may lose others if we don't act NOW!

Cobie, get yer butt in here now! The Villains have been defeated; Red Bee has been brought to justice; QUeen Connie and the Super Pets and Allies Army has rid Legion World of the invasion of lune-i-ticks and temprarily sealed the dimensional cracks in the Legion World Tesseract System; The Grrrgg/Psyonian War has been averted; and the Dalek Project seems to have been scrapped.

In my opinion all of this has been merely distraction upon distraction in order to spread our resources too thin and keep us from focusing on the real problem.

And that is the Anti-Monitor! Yes, the Anti-Monitor (aka the Anti-Moderator) who has always been one of the most fiendishly evil arch villains faced by the LMBP. Time after time, he has appeared to sow strife and calmity through the known worlds, always managing to escape our clutches.

But not this time!

This time we will finally bring him to Justice for all the evil he has wrought. This time, he will be made to pay and pay dearly for his despicable acts. He will never toy with the LMBP again and there will be no more deaths to feed his depraved sense of humor.

Legion Worlders unite! LMBPers, the time for action is at hand!

Then let this Anti-Moderator come now and meet his doom.

<EDE suddenly appears from here ...>

<span style="font-size: 11px;">Anti-moderator...</span>

<EDE passes out>

Looks like we're out of batteries on this one.

<Vee rushes over to EDE, shaking him gently by the shoulders>

Eryk, wake up! What happened to you? We've been searching all over the place for you.

<Turning to look at the others>

This has to be connected to the Anti-Moderator somehow, I can just feel it!

Be there a telepath amongst us who couldst read EDE's mind and find the Anti-Moderator's location?

Hmmm... Let me see if my ring can detect anything, an energy signature or something we can trace...

Uugg what is that... It looks like drool, a trail of drool... and it leads... there!

Well done, Abin. It shan't be long til we do wreak vengance upon our enemy.

Vee, dost thou have a battle plan?

Perhaps we may have to go into battle without Vee for the moment...dost another amongst thee have a battle plan?

The time that I have been preparing for is at hand......God help us all!

It's best to wait. There are battle plans in place, so it's better to show restraint than to take this Crisis off into other directions. We'll never finish it that way

Abin's ring can detect anything?!!? Tee he he he

You know the best thing about having an alternate self running round with you? There's someone else who shares the exact same sense of purile humour. Ring. heh heh heh

That is a wise decision.

And should I have to temporarily depart Legion World before the battle gets under way, please do not finish the battle before I return.

The chances of us finishing this quickly are most likely slim

Considering we are at 2+ pages of inane dialogue already Princess, I'd say that this story is going for the Return of Donna Troy #1 excellence in dialogue award.

Where can we lay our hands on some washed up Gods?

I say thee nay! Return of Donna Troy #1 was brilliant!

I shall extend invitations to my former neighbors in the Marvel Universe, though I cannot promise any of them will follow me back here.

I've just recieved word that the Ancient Caveman Clan of Earth-N's distant future is attacking Cafe Cramer. Who knows what else will slip through? We'll need every LMBer we've got--now is the time to call the role and gather our forces...

The axe of the Royal Inquisitor and the mighty girth of Quislet stand ready to wage war!

<heals Eryk>

Eryk, did you learn anything? I know you're in pain, but let my blue spirit energy try to help you...

We need everyone assembled stat. Reality itself is being torn apart, and the real threat hasn't even attacked directly yet. I'm thinking a smaller group might be a useful to serve as a distraction/first line of defense to keep the Anti-Moderator busy...

<span style="font-size: 11px;">Lucy... machine... wires... flames... pierce... reality... Nick Lachey... flames... Hypertime Bar... Anti-Moderator... help Lucy... hurt bad...</span>

Help Lucy? Lucifer Lass?

I...I guess if you say so, EDE! Where do you--

Oh my giddy aunt.

Hypertime Bar? I didn't see that one coming. This is gonna be trickier than we thought...

Nick Lachey?

That cinches it: There really is a monumental evil at work here that will require the combined powers of all of Legion World to defeat.

If anyone needs me, I'll be at SHAKES.

[STU settles comfortably on the sidelines with a large sweet tea and a bag of Cheetos]

Hmm, any chance of bringing over Malekith? Sure, he's evil, but he's awfully pretty. We could always keep him tied up. 'Sides, a guy who likes to disguises himself as a girl would fit in well here.

I don't know what's going on, but seeing as Quis is invovled and he now signs my checks, I should probably help.

Count me in. Let's sprocking end this.

Btw, given the number of posters popping up in this thread I thought it would be nice to have a roll call thread to make sure nobody gets lost.

Obviously, I'm in. Can't let Cobalt sprock things up any more than he already has...

You just don't want me to steal all the glory...

(And good thing too...because I will always throw that stuff in people's faces )

Ohmygod, are we ever gonna do something? Let's get moving people! Mr. Quank showed us where we need to start, so let's hit it!

<Pulls Twin 9mm Berretta VLK Pistols from Holsters and Gestures towards the drool trail...>

Here We Go!!!

Reality is splitting apart as we know it. Time itself is working against space.

The Anti-Monitor's energy is destroying all things. Now our last ploy to stop this must come into play. Gay-lipso and Lucien Lad, combined into one, only your combined powers of glam and nostalgia can hinder these forces from destroying us all, while the rest of the LMBP confront our enemy and learn how to stop him. The essence of the Spectre has fought the Anti-Monitor before and lost, in a continuity long forgotten. But I can use my power to focus your own and hold entropy at bay.

A small group of LMBPers must stay by our side and protect us from the shadow agents that even now are entering Legion World.

Come Bevis, hold my hands. Together you and I will save all things, and in turn must entrust that we too will be saved.

heya, lmbers! nicea you to invite me over to yer forum to play!

<sits down next to STU>

Hi, I'm Cali. I don't think we've been properly introduced.

<eyes his food and drink>

So... got any extra tea...?

(That's right, I am still to pretty to die.)

Good fortune smiles on us all. The entire Norse Pantheon, Malekith included, hath accompanied me to Legion World.

And I see the enemy hath finally arrived.

We stand against thee, Anti-Monitor -- yea, and against thy improper grammar, aswell.

TO THE DEATH!!

(eyes stu and cali)

got room for one more on the bench? i hope things don't get too bleak and i am forced from the sidelines. this anti moderator infinte crisis storyline is getting too complicated even for my from the wrong dystopian claremontian future butt.

....i brought beer.

Welcome DB!! The more the merrier. (She said without permission of STU.)

Those fools. As they doth fall before the power of the Anti-Moderator, I now make my escape. Should Legion World survive, I shall return. But no matter the outcome, the Enchantress shall be the last of the Asgradians.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

<dissapears...for the moment>

Hi, everybody. Anything interesting happen while I was gon...?

OMIGAAAAWD!

<runs to the sidelines>

Mind if I join you? I brought some bottled water if anyone wants any.

hoo. haw.

I let Vee deal with the sidelines people...

In the meantime, I've got to get EDE healthy so we can figure out this hypterime bar conundrum.

It now looks like the Anti-Monitor is attacking and the only people standing b/t him and Lucien Lad and the Spectre is an LMB with only half its members willing to fight...

<picks up EDE>

Willikers! Either Eryk's been working out or that nelly cap weighs a ton!

Oh, what the hell, count me in as a "fighting member."

What, me, us, standing against the anti-moderator? Ooooooh, I don't know about that. No-one told me there would be anti-moderators, I was around the first time he showed up remember. Can't I sit on the sidelines with Stu and Cali and DB? Oh alright then, if we must.

But we're going to sing show tunes while we're at it. If we're having one of those last ditch battle types things then we shall have fun while doing it. All together now...

Good morning Baaaltimore....

But what about all those Norse gods that the Enchantress stranded here? They can help in the fight.

Stu and Cali and DB...and Stealth! Hello, I'm right here.

Well that's handy to know.

*shoots Cobalt Kid in the head*

[ Oh, I noticed you

<runs with EDE>

Sorry I'm late in getting here, folks. Had to make sure the ski lodge was in order. Does something here need freezing? Let me at it!

<blocks magnetically>

Kinda not the time clone of 'boot...

I'll alert all the folks on my yahoo friends list. That'll get a couple hundred guys behind me ... umm ... behind us.

Yes I fight. Oh I expect to be compensated for this... EGI has the largest reserch budget for matter trans-substantiation in the universe. We have this technology of course to the religious rite of the Ancient Engineer.

BEHOLD this bowl of oatmeal is trans-substantiated to the brain of the Ancient Engineer himself. Hoc est Cerebrum Meum, Hocus Pocus and all that.

Now is a perfect time!

*gets great huge Liefeld rubber-nuclear-weapon gun out*

*Fires*

boo yah!

<eats random norse god>

hmm... would be better with choclate.

Tyr sure got the raw end of the deal.

(And from what I understand, he always liked the raw end of the deal too, but that's neither here nor there...)

Thanks, Cobie, I appreciate that, especially considering how busy you are saving the universe. But I was talking to Gay-lipso.

Bah

<fires the trans-substantiation weapon at A-M>

Hmmmm. No affect. Could be time for one of my inspirational rallying speeches.


Dread not. Though the forces of the AM push us back, we will survive. We will exist forever, the universe, this existence itself is fleeting. I have seen the existence beyond this one and spoken to my creator, the Ancient Engineer himself.

He informs me that this shall not be the end. Though even gods fall before the might of the AM the world shall be remade anew with glorious green skies and enough food for everyone.

Now come, the AM cannot defeat me while I continue to speak due to my power of super narcisism. This reminds me of ...

(from the sidelines...waving beer bottle)

go team! whoooooooooo

(falls backward off bench)"thump"

he he he he he he at least i didn't spill my beer he he he he

Disaster Boy, Disaster Boy
I need you <span style="font-size: 7px;">(r beer.)</span>
The end of all existence as we know it is imminent, the smell of death is lingering around us and ... you have really nice eyes.
*Lad Boy slips a note with his yahoo email address into DB's ... ummm .... wardrobe.*

I haven't been paying attention, someone good tell me what to do and I'll do it!

Well, you were being Stealthy... or something. Also you were on the previous page and I can barely remember who I am let alone who everyone lese is and where they are at any one time.

Oh gods, Tamper Lad is trying to rally us. Next think you know he'll have a 'plan' and tehn we'll all be doomed. Maybe we should send him off on a secret mission that takes him far, far away until we have dealt with the threat and then he can come back when even his best laid plans are likely to only harm himself.

*Earth 4 Gay-lipso heckles Tamper Lad as he's trying to make his inspirational speech. Tamper manages to ignore Earth 4 Gay-lipso until he starts throwing peanut shells as well*

..............

......... ........

....................

I agree with KP!

So, when do I get to beat stuff up?

<snatches beer from disaster boy>

Well, pretty much how I expected a full blown LMB operation to proceed.

Anybody have an idea how to deal with tall, dark, and near-omnipotent over there?

<smacks the bug on tail end of his tail with riding crop>

Why don't you try to be more like your metallic friend over there. Sparkly gay demon guys, to shut Tamper up you throw these at him.

<Pulls out several boxes of latex products, balloons, glove and prophylactic devices>

Hmmmm how about a few explosive blasts to knock Mr. Anti-Monitor around a bit. Now why don't you boys charge him while I knock him with these concussive blasts?

The only way to shut Tamper up is to kill him, and despite the fact that he's clearly sunk into a Kirbyesque delirium, he still may prove useful.

And I'm nobody's diversion. Get your own cannon fodder.

i'd deal wit ya myself, lmbers, but its more fun to use my army!

get 'em boys!

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Ugly fat men...

<Uses a concussive blast on lead group and charges them. Knocking the remaining soldier down Nova pulls out laser scalpel and emasculates the unconscious soldiers. >

Mmmmm man parts.

Well, there goes our "family" rating.

Darn! And I was doing so well. Up to this point in my life, I'd never experienced pendulous man breasts.

It's like the guys from "The Lumberjack Song" gone horribly wrong.

Hope no one has a eunuch fetish... oh wait emasculated means she pulled a Bobbit in addition to the making a church choir.

Well there's another wave of those baddies.

Hey Nova, chum the air in front of the next wave with those bits will ya.

<Firing weapon at the testes and dismembered phalluses that Nova tosses at the second wave of man boob soldiers, TL converts them to miniture nuclear weapons blowing the second wave to bits.>

And that should take us right up to and past PG-13....

Great. An LMBP battle I'm almost not old enough to take part in.

Come on, guys. Let's buy Cobie, Vee, the Spectre and Gay-lipso some time. I can't understand what they're planning anyway so I might as well have fun blowing up stuff while we're waiting.

(db wakes from drunken stupor on grass)

hmmm what's this crinkled paper in my pants? let's see "ladboyxxx@yahoo.com" hmmm wonder how that got there. whats that sound, sounds like a herd of elephants....coming this way

(looks up)

ew that's just wrong...(hurls beer bottle, striking one in the head, shattering glass all over.) KRACK!!!

well...that's one down. this is almost evil enough to make me get up!

I'm pretty sure they don't understand it themselves, IB.

Fight away.

...and when did KP start speaking some different language...or did someone spike my beer!

Those aren't mutually exclusive.

Someone toss some more body parts at that army...

them lmbers are doin purty well against my manboobie armie... much better than last time...

good thing it's only the first wave!

ill throw some more manboobies at 'em fer the time bein though!

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foolish anti moderator.

i just had a bunch of KFC fast food delivered to my little pic nic on the sidelines. watch as your man boobies run and fight over the food.

bwahahahahahahahahahaha

<<oh my, i think they are ripping each others limbs off to get at the mashed potatoes.>>

They're dumber than we thought, obviously. And that's pretty dumb.

Now, had the chicken been from Popeyes....

<Rockhopper confronts one of the Anti-Moderator's henchmen>.

All right, buddy, FREEZE!!!

<He instantly turns into an ice statue, then something cracks>

Ewww! His manboobies broke off!

Ohmygod, I got here just in time!

No One, Nobody, Release the secret weapon...

<The mini-me versions of EDE and Cobie become visable flying just above the hordes of disgusting manboobies. Between them they hold aloft a strange figure.>

...Release Richard Simmons!

This is getting more frightening by the minute!

And if that's not horrible enough I have that high energy Tony Wossname waiting in the wings...

We'll see how many manboobies are left out there after another round of "Sweating to the Oldies"

<grabs a beer and some KFC>

Mmm, this is the good life. Here's to hopin' I can stay on the sidelines and won't get called into battle.

Go team LMBP!!

My god! The battlefield awash in the sweat of physical exigiencies. Cheerleaders on the sidelines. The battle becoming a titanic struggle of manhood...

Gosh, I'm an evil alternate Earth villain and even I'm scared by the manboobies/Richard Simmons battle. Hmmm, hang on a second...

*The Gay-lipsos go into a brief huddel and then look up with purpose. With a wave of their fabulously manicured hands there is a flash of sparkly light and every single manboobie is turned into a rather hot Scottish man in a kilt with no desire to fight, just to party and have a good time*

Ah, now that's a bit better.

Faraway Lad arrives late as usual, and hurries over to Cobalt Kid.

“Cobalt this is worse that we thought, utilising diplomatic channels I have found….”

His voice tailed off as he noticed the happy dancing eating Scotsmen.

“Egads! What are the massed marching bands of the Seaforth and Cameronian highlanders doing here?”

Gathering himself up from the shock of seeing the dancing Faraway continues.

“These manboobies are but the first wave. A message from Ambassador Jeryal has confirmed that there is a huge invasion fleet heading our way. Worse still it consists entirely of ( the picture that must never ever be posted)

We are going to need to call in everyone to beat this back Cobalt. I have activated my legion of the Triumvirate army and the Varangian Guards are holding the space lanes at the Rubicon Asteroid but I don’t really think they can hold out for long against that picture”.

Almost overrun by manboobies dancing to the KFC, Faraway uses his powers to send them Faraway but still the dancing Scottish bandsmen come on.

Looks over to Stu and the rest.

“Come on guys I need a hand here”

Far, the Triumvirate have deployed our armies to hold back the Zombie Shark Army of Earth-Q_R's distant alternate future! We're being spread thin throughout all the universe! Seahorse just checked in on planet Brighton and he's battling The Witty Worm Men of Wales!

Everyone needs to give it their all! Rally around Vee!

I need a small group to follow EDE and myself--and Far, you're drafted. Your faraway powers are needed now. Any other stealthy or espionage types follow me. The heavy-hitters stay here and the tacticians gather around Gay-lipso and the Spectre.

<runs into LMB Plaza>

“Come on guys I need a hand here”

*Applauds*

Oh, sorry, that's not what you meant, is it?

<grabs bucket of KFC. Reaches into SHAKES and grabs minikeg.>

Atten-shun! Rigggggghhhhht-face! March!

<As the now regimented army of Scottish bandsmen march towards the greasy chicken and beer, they each find themselves, in turn, gated to a truck stop in Terre Haute, Indiana. Just because.>

Word just in--

Planet Cleveland, named after the city on Earth that colonized it a millenia ago, have begun to mobolize their army to attack Legion World, in hopes to gain favor with the Anti-Moderator.

Their hopes are to bring many LMBers under their rule and force them to be citizens of Cleveland.

I fear for Outdoor Miner, the most hated enemy of Cleveland.

Hmmm, as a sneaky, heavy-hitting tactician, where should I go?

Heck with it, I'm going with Cobes and Co. Gets me off the front lines, at least.

Damn - Damn- DAMN! Methinks my computer is affected by some spatial anomaly fluctuation - and being stuck in another time zone is the pits!

Can anybody fill me in - coz by the time im done catching up, you'll have finished the story

I don't get it either.

(takes a look around the battlefield. see dancing Scostmen and man-boob parts)

Cobie, I'm coming with!

Anything's better than manboobs and men in kilts. Some of these guys don't even have UNDERWEAR on, fer chrissakes. My poor 17-year old mind can't take it anymore.

And neither can my 17-year old stomach. *groan*

I'll contact my father and see if my home planet, Planet Houston (whose name is shared by an Earth city totally by coincidence), can help us out again.

We'll see if Houston can beat Cleveland.

Ohmygod, If that cute Invisible Brainiac is going with Cobie then I'm going to the sidelines. Maybe I can talk Caliente into switching to evil cheerleader mode and giving me a few tips on how to y'know...

Oh and before I forget, No One, Nobody open another dimensional rift and send any of those dancing Scotsmen that OM didn't already get rid of to Planet Cleveland...

OK, we’ve got Vee, EDE, myself, Faraway, Outdoor Miner and Invisible Brainiac ready for a quick away mission. Darden, you should be able to use your power, and I’m hoping Outdoor Miner can use his in a way that coordinates with yourself so we can pinpoint where we’re going.

We’re going to the Hypertime Bar. It exists outside of continuity and timelines, and has been an intricate part of the LMB’s history in the past. It’s very nature defies the laws of multiple Earths and entropy itself. The Anti-Moderator wants it, although EDE and Vee may know more about why, and I’m interested in hearing about it.

In the meantime, I can encase us with a magnetic shield and Vee can use the Emerald Eye to reinforce that. IB can use his light as a guiding system for you both in a way, so that we can keep track of where we are teleporting to. Don’t try to understand it—it’s science on advanced levels that only Julie Schwartz and Alan Moore can understand.

If I’m right about LMB continuity, and I always am, the Hypertime Bar is currently interwoven into the circuitry that exists in Captain Lightbulb’s speedo. We need to get directly to Captain Lightbulb, and I radioed ahead and got his locations moments before, so we can pinpoint to where we need to go.

Any last minute additions to this crew?

Fire away boys…

Good luck LMB!

I've out cold, what's going on, am I going on this little trip...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What's with the male clevage?!?

(release white energy from her hand and turns some of the booby men into that guy from Brawny Paper Towels)

Don't worry, I removed their axes!

Hey, where are you guys going, can I come, too!

Okay, I've been practicing something. Let's try it.

<Gesticulates toward a phalanx of boobie men who become ice statues dancing Swan Lake, arm in arm>

It's an improvement anyway.

That is SO Cameron Mackintosh!

(Oh, sorry...)

.... .. .. ....... ...........!

Hrun Attacks!!!

Slicing and slashing with a braodsword he cuts his way through the dancing kilted manboobies.

Picking up one of the huge ugly manboobies he throws him, landing in Cal's lap and spilling her Beer over Tamper Lad.

What the Tartarus is going on here? Who are these obese replicants?

<watches from mini-omnimonitor>

Get 'em Hrun!

Even with Hrun's bererker rage, things still look bleak! This just in: the deadline has been eaten by entropy! Now this story will be spilling into the weekend and early next week!

And I don't even understand what's going on!

But don't let that stop you from joining in.

LAM soars aloft over the marauding manboobies, wondering just how the back-up of dancing Richard Simmons clones will turn the tide - or if the manboobies will just turn away in fright!

At the merest touch of his trusty amulet, at least two of the replicants vanish in Irwin Allen-esque fashion - leaving behind a trail of cosmic dust...which is dispersed by the gentle winds...

*The LMBP Spectre holds tightly onto the hands of Gay-lispo, funneling his power into the anti-matter spheres that are encompassing Legion World. The true nature of Gay-lipso shines brightly, and it is far too fabulous for others to gaze upon. To do so brings certain death!*

"Tamper Lad, others...please protect us as we hold off the Anti-Monitor..."

now's the time to start gettin' serious!

<wipes out smurf village>

Bah Tamper do this, Tamper do that. She sounds like my former girlfriend. The things I do...

Alright we need a defensive perimeter... Let's see what is left in the aresenal.

<Surveys the chaotic scenes of battle.>

This should do nicely, I can protect the group fighting the Anti-Monitor by using my weapon to slow the rest of the battle down.

<The battlefield excluding the Anti-monitor fight is encased in a huge matrix of collagen protein tightly linked into a solid cube. The booby men find themselves literally swimming in the gel.>

Those communistic Smurfs deserve what they get.

There's no use trying to get on my good side now.

Do any of the Smurfs post on Legion World? Talk about being a non-sequitur...

<hits lmb with crazy monsoon weather>

Bah I'll save Smurf village. Nova blow up the dam. Now we can open up that land for logging.

<The dam above Smurf Village is destroyed, putting out the fire. There is only a small price to be payed as the flood drowns the remaining smurfs.>

To prevent the A-M from launching any more anti-matter attacks, I'm having Compy create a magnetic envelope around this battlefield.

I think I can fix this weather.
<concentrates, spreads arms and the monsoon becomes a gentle snow flurry>.

Wow! That took a lot. I'll sit out this next round.

<Looks around at the gelatinized battlefield, now dry.>

Hmmm threat taken care of for the moment, and Spectre's busy, Nova Girl's busy. No one to boss me around.

<Tunes Compy to hockey game, pulls out a Sleeman's Cream Ale and starts cursing players in Franglais>

Ummm... Mr. Tamper, is dereliction of duty a "shoot on sight" offense?

Just asking you understand...

I can multitask...

Dern it, forgot about Deputy Debbie.

Don't fret, Rockhopper, the snow-field is no more, thanks to my amulet...

Tamper Lad, do you need an assist, dude?

QUIET LAM. don't draw either Nova Girl or the Spectre's attention to me. The situation is in hand for now and the last thing I need is to told to take out the trash.

Oh Mr. Tamper, Miss Nova left you this note...

And that Nice Miss Spectre said for you to "Pay Attention Canucklehead."

What's a Canucklehead?

No small thanks to Rockhopper Lad's snow drift...

Well Ev-G a Canuckle head is someone who says eh at the end of every sentence, eh? And generally we like stronger tasting beer than our neighbours, eh?

Now let me see what that note is aboot, eh?

It says listen to the Spectre, yadda yadda yadda...

Is the Spectre on our side, or does she have a specific agenda of her own...Sorry, just my Psyche-paranoia acting up again

Is the Spectre on our side, or does she have a specific agenda of her own...Sorry, just my Psyche-paranoia acting up again...

ah hell no!

now i know what happened to my powers....

(db senses the powers of the elements begin to flow into his reach)

ahhhh must try harder.....

The Smurfs! Wiped out just like that! After they so valiantly helped us so many times before…(often, we just didn’t see them)

LAM, it appears you’re caught in some time-loop on page 10—damn Anti-Monitor.

Ev-Girl, kick-ass security sister!

<turns back to others>

OK, Far, OM, send us off…

......... .......... ... ......
...... .... ....... ... .... ......
...... .... ... ....... ... ......!!!

Hmm... I'd like to buy an "e", Pat!

.... ..., ....!

Faraway turns to Miner.

"OK OM, out that three'fer down and lets do this, on the count of three, one.....two...."

THREE

Faraway turns to OM.

“Put the three’fer down Miner and lets get this lot moved. On the count of three, one… two…”


Three very surprised Faraway’s and Outdoor Miners stood in the middle of the hypertime bar looking at each other.


“Wait…..” said one Faraway

“I think this means……” continued the second Faraway

“That the various parts of the multiverse are all converging” Said the third

“Well at least we are in a bar” Said all three Miners as they all asked the Barman for a threefer.

Uh-oh. (looks around the Hypertime Bar). This SOOO doesn't look good.

you're damn right it dosn't i'm going back to the side lines, my beer is lonely.

Look on the bright side.

Considering we had to basically rip a temporary hole in ye old space/time fabric by Faraway trying to move us faraway while I simultaneously brought us back*, it's a wonder we all weren't just ripped apart by contrasting forces.

Besides, I finally have two other people I can relate to. Cheers, me.


* - It's as good an explanation as any.

note to self: kill othertemporaldimensional dopplegangers.

there's only one dis boy!

Great, and if the other two are thinking precisely the same thing you lot will bring the entire bar down on top of our heads.

If everybody plays nice, we can get the job done and all go home and be unique.

well...they must be villains anyways because i am from qward.

(cocks hand gun)

That doesn't follow, given that they could be from anywhere.

Please put the gun away.

fine.


(points finger at multiverse doules)
but i'll be watching you!

Thank you, db. I appreciate it.

(Waves at alternate versions) Everything's cool, we're just.....checking our gear!

I'm gonna go talk with the other Miners. Maybe one them can recall why we came here in the first place. I've clean forgot.

Might as well talk to my doppelgangers too. This should be fun.

Uh, I see one talking to a hot girl. She also has a headband... and, um... she's... wearing... my... costume...

Ew. Talk about self-love. I think I'm gonna be sick.

(runs off to the little boy's room)

Brillant!

Guys, can I remind you that we need to be very careful here in the hypertime bar? This place is immune to all retcons, reboots, continuity changes, etc. If you get killed or maimed or changed into a cyborg or something, there's no undoing it. Dead means dead here.

Ohmygod, Invisible Brainiac, you little cutie, like why did your other self run off to the men's room?

Hey! How did I get Here? Why am I wearing this silly headband? Where am I?

Ummm... Is this like a Villians United thing or maybe a Gay of Vengance thing...

Wow. Watching from the sideline and I'm still exhausted. And confused. Maybe I'll just wait for the TPB to try an comprehend...

We need Cliff Notes.

Yeah, Where's Recap Kid when we really need him?

Don't worry folks, I'm sure someone will come up with an LMBP Infinite Crisis Secret Files to answer all your questions.

"Someone", however, will not be me.

I suspect we'll meet someone in the Hypertime Bar who will clarify what's going on...

It's probably the bartender. Good bartenders know everything.

I just want to know how I got here and why I'm wearing IB's Uniform.

Maybe you're an alternate version of you that obtained IB's powers in some way.

Recap where are you...

I say we get a Time Trapper and reboot the last month.

Arrggghhh!!!

Arrrgggghhh!!!

Have a drink, Abin. You don't sound like yourself.

<Back on the sidelines, still quite exhausted from changing the monsoon into a snow flurry>

Thank you for the beer, Cali. Hey, this is nice. I should sit out battles more often.

mmmm my dopplegangers are hot!

(juuuuuussst kidding)

No, I agree! They definitely are Disaster Boy. Maybe one or two would show me their comic collection, sometime...

Not mine but you're welcome!! Just like you're welcome here on the sidelines. It may not be as exciting but at least you won't die. Probably, anyway.

Fortunately, I brought Mad Libs!

Okay, someone give me a noun!

No? Okay, maybe later.

What is going on around here?

They told me I was supposed to have a major role in this Crisis, or at least in Villains United!

I don't know what went wrong, but it must've been my stupid other head's fault!

Shut up, you ugly cuss! If it wasn't for you I might've scored with that hot Satan chick!

In your dreams, baldy!

Say, where are we anyway? Who's that hot girl in the headband?

Ha! She's looking at me! Why don't you play some Mad Libs and leave me alone?

Bah! That girl ain't but about 10 or something!

Well, I've still got more of chance with her than you did with Lucifer Lass!

BAH, quiet you addled dolts. I project I still have a more of chance with the Spectre then you two unfortunates have to hook up with each other.

"Everyday Girl my Angel, I have found you at last"

One of the Faraways moved and picking her up hugs her tight.

"My child my sweet sweet child, when your mother and I sent you to that alternative world for your safety, we thought we would never see you again"

Looking across the room,

"We knew the Quanks would be fine honest good people to raise you. Forgive me my daughter we needed to hide you from the evil of the picture that must not be shown and...."


AS he spoke another Faraway suddenly stiffened.

"No" he cried,"this is impossible..............Red Sky's..............It should not breach the Faraway Force...... should be outside all of this observing...........White walll.............coming for me..............AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"


And that Faraway faded from view leaving the others gasping in pain and confusion.

they might be straight!!!

OHMYGOD!!!! DADDY!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!

Aaaargh!

<falls to the ground>

The confusion is so great...

...must learn the truth at Hypertime Bar...

<gets up slowly>

Time to put aside all other things and let my recap abilities, which took years and years of training take over.

*Gulp*

Now, while everyone plays their role, I will attempt to pull together one of the most confusing LMB storylines in many a year...

...this might take a few days...

Be strong LMB...

<holds Everyday Girl's hand>

Be strong little one...

<pain streams into Cobalt's head, as the very idea of pulling together this story causes incalculable suffering...>

What there was supposed to be a coherent plot line to all this?

<Boots up Compy to read Gregg Easterbrook's "Tuesday Morning Quarterback" column.>

Is this thing over?

hunh? oh sorry i was watching Lost...

soon you will learn, lmbers, to appreciate the freedom that pure unmoderated chaos brings! my power grows stronger every minute!

That is the hope!

Oops, better go help or something... not that I really know where to start. The confusion here is great. Oh, I know!

*chills sideline crew's beers*

There, I'm helpful.

Mmmm chilled beer. I'm trying this coffee flavoured one here.

Now I don't have to choose between beer and coffee at 7am.

Silly anti-moderator, there's always time for beer. In fact we could have 12 and still stop you.

There is a blast of white light and the sounds of a battle. A rip in the space time continuum opens and then thrown through the rip come the bruised and battered figure of Hrun with a torn and bloody Stoopid Cat.

The rip closes quickly.

Hrun stands up and see’s Everyday Girl.

“Hail and well met daughter of the house of Hrun. Tis meet that warriors shall meet here in the halls of death. We stand ready to die and my heart would have been heavy if I had not seen thou again”

He moved across and placed a large arm lovingly around her shoulders.

“but why dost thou wear the clothing of the southern civilisation” he asked accusingly?

Before he could answer another white cloud energy vortex appeared and dragged Hrun away.

“Remember Child, we love thee, If we die a warriors death then be not sad, but rejoice for we shall meet again in the Halls of our forefathers, we shall……….”

Then Hrun was gone.


Outdoor Miner (all three of them) looked at each other, shrugged and turned back to the barman and asked for three, three’fers

As he cleaned a glass the barman of the Hypertime Bar smiled as he thought………...

Hey alternate Tamper Lad from the dimension where the AFL and NFL merged, be happy that you still have football to watch.

In my reality the leagues didn't merge leading to the self-destruction of the sport due to escalating salaries in the disco seventies era.

Now where's that coffee-flavoured beer you were mentioning?

Jeepers! What should have been a straightforward mission to the Hypertime Bar is turning into a confusing, convuluted mess!

i got yer beer right here, you ingrates!

My God, he's opened a window into the most horrible alternate world of them all....

A World Without.......Beer....

Sweet Grolsch, I shall avenge thee.

oh...it is ON!!!

That's not true!

The women produce beer instead of milk, that's right, it's BREAST BEER!

The man is obviously evil and must be stopped. I'll come off the sidelines for this one... oh yes. Ooooh yes.

you've just galvanized the entire legion anti-moded!

Yeah we might come from different places and have different goals in life, but we are united in our love of beer. Funnily named or not.

What a sad world! Count me in! I've had a nice rest and I'm ready to go!

OHMYGOD!!!! DADDY NUMBER 2!!!! NOOOOOOOO NOT AGAIN!!!!

Ohmygod, they won't let me have any beer anyway, but I've already found and lost two extra-universal, time-lost, "Daddies" to this stupid crisis, so Mr. Anti-Moderator, Yer TOAST!

<Pulls Twin 9mm Beretta VLK Pistols, checks magazines, and ensures very special hand loaded cartridges are chambered>

No One, Nobody, find that azzhole for me, I need some target practice...

Wow Ev-G sure has a lot of daddies. Are you guys sure that the Anti-Monitor isn't this universe's version of Maury Povich.

OMG, it makes sense. This whole crisis, all it's been a paternity testing episode of some inane talkshow.

Now that is a terrible threat. We must stop him for the good of society!!

So far, so good. I've been able to stay out of the fray without notice so I can follow the instructions of the Eye. Somewhere around here in the little isolated corner of Hypertme are two others I have to find. Don't know who or why but I better find them fast or it could be all over for life as we know it!


Wait! What's that bluish glow over there in the far corner?

I don't like beer. Ick.

So, I've not been paying attention, what's been going on then?

"You have arrived...finally," murmured the lady in blue. "Though not as anticipated. We expected another in your place. Does this mean the Empress is no more?"

"We? Who are ...", Vee asked.

"I am the Sapphire Seeress. And she is the Scarlet Sorceress," replied the lady in blue indicating another women in brilliant red that appear next to us. "Together we two and the Empress were destined to meet fate head on at this crisis point."

"Who are you? And where is the Empress?" demanded the Scarlet One.

"Dead. Murdered by someone at the start of this nightmare," I answered. "Her Emerald Eye sought me out upon her death and embued me with her power. And it led me here. Apparently to meet the two of you."

Sapphire Seeress and Scarlet Sorceress studied me and exchanged glances for a moment. Finally Sapphire Seeress spoke again.

"This is not how it was ordained," explained the lady in blue. "But it will have to do. Come we must plan our actions so that we may end this insanity soon."

In a puff of blue, we disappeared...

...I wonder if my friend, the Opal Oracle, with be joining them...

Wow, the female Cobalt from Earth-7 is a hottie! And by the way she's checking me out, she's just like me!

Would it be wrong if we, ya know, well...er...ya know.

So that's the Rhodium Rascal. Hmm a little less trampy then I imagined.

Jeepers! Will the inbred demon offspring of Cobie and his Earth-7 counterpart be a major player in the post-Infinite Crisis LMBU?

I fear that it will! She most likely has the same genetic demon seed implanted by Doctor Hoffman. Imagine both demon seeds combining, as well as the added implications of an inter-Earth breeding--thereby imbuing the child with multiversal energies and stuff!

Screw it, I'm horny!

Be with you guys in a thirty min!

Bah, why do I subject myself to this debauchery. I still don't think CK is fully functional. I know if I spread myself around around as much him, the multiverse would take on a pleasant green tint.

:rolleyes:

Where's a firehose when you need one?

someone rang?

Okay, Cobie and Cobie, break it up.

You'd think female Cobie would've learned not to screw around. Birthing demon spawn must really hurt!

So, the "female IB" is just Everyday Girl. That's a relief.

Then I guess, there being only two IBs here, means the other one is... dead?

so if cobie and a non cobie mama makes a demon...what would cobie and cobie mama make??? i cringe at the thought.

(Amora magically reappears for the first time in a long time)

Hath this crisis finally ended?

(Amora looks around)

It doth not seem to have ended. Ahhh, until then...

(Amora magically dissapears for now)

Come to think about it, the multiverse could use some more people with a green tint to their skin.

<Looks for a smart, good-looking blonde>

I'm right here. Although I don't have green skin, but otherwise I fit the brief.

Not quite what i had in mind...

I need to procreate an army of little green men and women..

<at the Hypertime Bar>

Leapin' jeepers! Time itself is acting all crazy right now! I don't know how Captain Lightbulb's speedo became the Hypertime Bar again, but thank goodness.

Whatever happens now, its for real--there are no retcons here, outside of all things...

(Guess I really did have an affair with Cobalt of Earth-7 though. I can't wait to tell Lardy, since he'll appreciate what a weird accomplishment it is!)

...stop looking at me Tamper Lad!

I think you need to cool off. *sends a cold front his way* You too Cobalt Kid's squared. *sends one their way too*

Now. Are we done being in a crisis yet? I want to go back to Rockhopper's place and play with the penguins.

*lies, overloaded, in the timestream, unconscious.*

Reboot!

Screw this recapping thing, I'm gonna try and save him!

And he'll have to owe me one

Oh well in that case you can most definately go adn find someone else. No-one is procreating with me, nuh-huh, now way no how.

*Sound of three Outdoor Miners methodically beating their heads against the barstool.*

I think a round of drinks is in order. Some of us want to forget this whole incident.

sooner rather than later...

NO! NO MORE ALCOHOL.

I have the solution, I've determined the source of the Anti-monitor's powers. Bad things happen because of alcohol.

In fact my earlier lecherous behavior (sorry Chilly) in this thread was caused by a bout with the beer demon.

If the hypertime bar can be converted into the Hypertime Temperance Union, the Anti-monitor will be reduced to a choir boy that we can go to town on.

<TL attacks the kegs and bottles with axes. Booze spills onto the floor as TL goes berserk in a teetotaling rage.>

<SLAPS! Tamper Lad smartly>

you're hysterical. get it together.

<Zaps Frio with a teetotaler ray, Frio and Tamper start singing a duet...>

... Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine...

the horror! the horror!

Tamper have you LOST yoru mind or has the antimoderator gotten to you.

(db lies down under emptying keg)

"glug glug gulp"

<appears in a fiery burst which only adds to the confused mayhem that the assembled crowds seem to be suffering from>

Sheesh! Things are not looking good here at all!

Come join us in our Temperance song. I sense the evil of the demon liquor is draining from the multiverse and the Anti-Moderator is weekening...

<Continues to sing with Frio>
Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.

<speaks loudly, trying to get the attention of the masses>

ATTENTION SENTIENTS!

Your universes are currently under assault by a malevolent being known as the Anti-Moderator. This creature is the living embodiement of pure formless void, of chaos without structure. He has conquered his own universe and left it to the anarchic whims of his own pet brutish s, the Naturals!

Even now his influence over your lives grows! Many of you have travelled to the Hypertime Bar seeking refuge, for this place alone is a nexus of pure stability in the multiverse. Yet even here the disorder that is the calling card of the Anti-Moderator is becoming dominant.

My friends, there is only one solution to this Crisis. We must impose a coherent plotline on this story! Only through making sense of the myriad of seemingly random events can the Anti-Moderator's influence be defeated. Please... I beg all of you to help me. I have seen what the Anti-Moderator is capable of... we cannot let him win.

*Gasp!*

Lucy’s right! And hot! But she’s right!

Let’s go over what we know!

Ahem
Over the last five years, the Anti-Moderator has been an arch nemesis of the LMB, being their most powerful and feared foe. He was responsible for the Crisis in Year Two that killed Foxy Roxy, Lexbose, Silicon Sandra and the Super-Holograms! He was responsible for the destruction of the Remarkable Worlds in Year Three! During the LMB’s Year Four, when they were at their lowest, the majority of them were transported to the Anti-Matter universe, where they saw a horrible place, overruled by the Anti-Moderator and his army, the Naturals. It was then that in the final battle, the LMB destroyed him!

But wait!

The nature of ‘all that there is’ is something far to hard to define. Other worlds, other Earths, other times and other continuities exists. Our very own Earth-2 is known to some as the “Post Crisis DC Universe”. But before this, even more continuities, timelines and worlds existed. These changes, and the subsequent damage and destruction to the timeline, which can easily ruin concepts, lives and ideas, were brought about by a being known only as the Anti-Monitor!

Though the Anti-Monitor was beaten and destroyed, the damage he did was irreparable! Ideas, concepts, continuies…gone! In the blink of an eye.

He died, but yet, he lived. For a being like the Anti-Monitor cannot simply fade from existence. The essence of such a being is passed onward, somewhere, in the grand scheme of what is only known as “the Universal Tapestry”.

Thus, 1,000 years later, on another Earth, in another timeline, in another continuity, the essence of the Anti-Monitor was passed on to a similar being: the Anti-Moderator! The LMB’s greatest enemy lived again! And this time, he held the most destructive means imaginable to destroy them!

to be continued

Months ago, the LMB re-catalogued their powers, as is part of the daily procedure of being a hero on the active roster of the LMB. There, we learned that Vee had become so in tune with his powers and so proficient in their use, that he could grow things on a molecular level, thus creating beams of growing molecules that, as a beam of sheer force, were in actuality unstable portions of the universe.

During a heated political debate amidst the LMB Constitutional Convention, the LMB were shocked to see Varalent suddenly disappear, leaving no trace of his whereabouts!!

Unknown to any, it was the Anti-Moderator, attempting to harness such power, that whisked him away.

Immediately, searches were planned and such, but nothing seemed to be working. Combined with the growing sense of political turmoil surrounding the LMB, and problems that naturally spring from the daily life of the LMB, such as the search for Kid Prime’s mother, other LMBers away on missions and the arrival of new LMBers such as Everyday Girl, it became harder to coordinate what was happening.

During this time, Eryk Davis Ester, as he always does, uttered the phrase “Jeepers!”, and was magically transported by his Luck Lord far away. For the Luck Lord knew that the only hope of the lay in this destination.

The Emerald Empress also gained immense insight, through the power of her Eye, and immediately took into space to find Vee.

Further, Quislet, Esq. without any reason grew to an immense height, precisely as he planned to announce his engagement to the Royal Inquisitor, now reformed.

During this madness, the sentient known as Banshee attacked Takron-Galtos, in an attempt to free the Red Bee. During this melee, most of the LMB were off-planet, leaving only Cobalt Kid and Reboot to combat them. The LMBP Spectre intervened, and knowing what was to come, sent Cobalt far into space to somehow set plans into motion to stop the upcoming crisis.

While the Red Bee was caught, Takron-Galtos was destroyed, so that the Red Bee could later easily escape his confines.

Meanwhile, Queen Connie, showing some sense, began to gather a large group of Super-Pets and LMBers together to attempt to figure out what was causing insane events, such as red skies, shadow-demon attackers and other such things. In the sewers of Legion World, it appeared as if Caliente and Frio were instantly killed!

Worse, the Morality League of Qward, an elite squadron for the Anti-Moderator had gained control of Abin Quank, in an attempt to harness the power of his ring. Disaster Boy, Tamper Lad and Legion Adventure Man were dispatched to help him, and were soon joined by Stealth and Faraway Lad.

The Red Bee, escaping, found allies in the Riddler and Lucifer Lass, and began plotting to Unite the Villains and destroy the LMB. Unknown to any, Lucifer Lass was working with the Anti-Moderator.

The tears in space and time began to rupture, so that a giant tick army from another dimension invaded Earth.

During all of this, Cobalt Kid instantly appeared on what can only be deemed as “The Monitor’s Ship”, and was shocked to find that Eryk Davis Ester was also there! There, they were able to peer into other realities and continuities, as well as watch their LMB allies.

What they saw shocked them! The Emerald Empress, close to finding Vee, was attacked by Anti-energy, as she bravely sought to help the LMBer. There, she bravely died, but not before ordering her Eye to save Vee’s life, and carry out a secret plan that could help the LMB in the end.

In was then the Anti-Moderator realized that his attempts to use Vee’s power and Abin’s ring would not work, and he abandoned his plan. At this point, the away team to Qward was successful and returned, at the exact moment Frio and Caliente seemingly perished, before Tamper Lad’s eyes.

Cobalt Kid used his telepathic link to contact Princess Crujectra, and instantly, many of the LMB learned of her death. With this knowledge, Space Ranger could take it no longer, and became enraged in a fury, preparing to end things once and for all.

At this exact moment, the united villains attacked Legion World, under the orders of the Red Bee and the Riddler.

Princess Crujectra and Crusader were able to join Cobalt Kid and Eryk Davis Ester, as other LMBers, such as Reboot, Faraway Lad and Abin Quank, made their way there. What appeared to be the major-domo of the ship, a being called Bizarro Computo, began to interact with them, and was pushed for answers by the LMB. At this point, Bizarro Computo was revealed to be an agent of the mysterious enemy, who was actually sentient inside Bizarro-Computo. Unleashing an attack, the mysterious entity, killed the Monitor and destroyed his ship, causing the LMB to make their way to a circling asteroid, which overlooked the beauty of Star 69.

One LMBer that did not make it was Eryk Davis Ester, who was seemingly kidnapped to a place known only as Elsewhere.

However, just like the essence of the Anti-Monitor cannot be destroyed, neither can the Monitor! He passed on his knowledge to the Jectra twins, Crusader and Spellbinder! It was such an overload to their senses, that Crujectra shared it with Cobalt Kid through their mind-link.

Immediately, the Anti-Moderator knew that they held that knowledge. Using his mastery over time/space/continuity, he helped manipulate the Ggrrgg/Psyonia War to get them away from the LMB, which worked for a time, as members of the LMB were drawn into that fray.

Back on Earth, Lucien Lad began to act strangely as well, and it was soon revealed why!: because of the weakness of the universe and reality, the barrier between Earth-4 and Earth-1 had weakened and Glamour Puss (the Earth-4 Lucien Lad) had journeyed to Earth-1, kidnapped his counterpart and took his place! Worse, he had control of a powerful black diamond and became the ultra-powerful Gay-lipso! Much worse than that, he had some type of hold on the LMBP Spectre, who had her own reasons for working with him.

This exact weakness in reality caused a race of creatures known as the Daleks to overtake the ticks, and push forth a new agenda, to destroy all the universe and remake it in the image of the Daleks!

Thus, at a critical moment, the universe became imperiled all over! The Villains were United! The Daleks moved forward on their Project! Ggrrgg went to war with Psyonia! Eryk Davis Ester was Elsewhere! Gay-lipso and the Spectre unleashed a Gay of Vengeance!

It was up to Vee to rally them in space, and get them back home to work together.

Doing precisely the same at home was Invisible Brainiac, at the Legion World Temporary Command Center, marshalling the LMB forward.

Things became severely chaotic, and nearly every LMBer became involved, whether it was Lash Lad being ‘Too Pretty to Die’ (with the very much alive Caliente) or Tamper Lad and Nova Girl leading a team to Earth-4 to find the Earth-1 Lucien Lad.

In a moment of trickery, Cobalt Kid led the Ggrrgg army into a trap that caused them to be ambushed by Cobalt’s triumvirate army. However, this was only after a bitter fight broke out between Abin Quank and Cobalt Kid, Princess Crujectra and Crusader were disowned by the Psyonia Royal Family and Outdoor Miner was forced to go days without a trace of alcohol.

Another war came to a violent and bloody conclusion, as Queen Connie’s army of Super-Pets and LMBers destroyed the remaining ticks and armies invading Legion World, although they were exhausted and hurt.

Harbinger, Faraway Lad, Reboot and others battled the Daleks, and were able to stop them, but only after confusion, loss of continuity and a shaky plotline were sicked on them. Truly, the Anti-Moderator was at work here.

The Villains used this time to destroy Legion World and hurt many of the sentients there, until finally, Space Ranger had enough. He single-handily beat back almost every single villain on the planet, showing a strength unmatched by any LMBer before. However, it was too much, and the Red Bee and the Riddler used this to their advantage, and killed the noble fighter for justice. Anger and outrage among the LMB ensued, and a team fought their way into the villain HQ, only to see Everyday Girl show that she was not to be messed with, as she blasted the Riddler and the Red Bee with her 9mm and ended the villain war.

The battle with Gay-lipso raged on as well, until finally it appeared as if Gay-Lipso was taken down—but he remained far too powerful to control. It was then that the Spectre revealed her plan: to combine the two Lucien Lads into one being, and use the combined nostalgia powers of them both to somehow maintain the integrity of the universe while the LMB battled the Anti-Moderator!

It was then that the Anti-Moderator truly was revealed, as Lucifer Lass and Eryk Davis Ester saw his horrible visage! Sensing betrayal, Lucifer Lass saved Eryk Davis Ester for her own mysterious purposes and brought him back to Legion World.

However, Legion World was at the epi-center of the anti-madness!

Chaos! Confusion! Reality falling apart! Time a limp noodle! Division in the ranks!

The LMB, and the Grand Tapestry, were in peril!

The Spectre enacted her plan, and she and the combined Lucien Lads were able to stave off the destruction and hold reality together, while the majority of the LMB battled back the Anti-Moderator!

Then, a plan! A small group, comprised of Eryk Davis Ester, Cobalt Kid, Invisible Brainiac, Outdoor Miner, Faraway Lad and Emerald Vee (now using the Emerald Eye) would journey to the Hypertime Bar, knowing it as the only real thing that anti-matter could not destroy! For you see: the nature of anti-matter is so great, that it must consume everything. But in doing so, reboots and retcons allow the universe to restore itself.

Thus, this gives the anti-matter a continual purposes, to destroy what the universe is constantly recreating.

The Hypertime Bar exists outside of continuities and realities, and is immune to retcons, reboots, endings and mock destructions of timelines. It must always be, for that is the nature of it: what happens there can never be undone!

Thus, the Anti-Moderator realized the ultimate goal! Destroy the Hypertime Bar! For, to destroy the one place immune to retcons and reboots, it would destroy what could not be recreated, what could not be re-fed to it! Which quite possibly could destroy all!

Cut to the most present of presents: Vee has found his own purpose, to fulfill the Empress’s plan, and somehow battle the Anti-Moderator and save reality. The Spectre and the Lucien Lads are holding time together. Reality is collapsing. The group at the Hypertime Bar are now in harms way, as the Anti-Moderator attempts to get to them. All that stands between he and them is the entire united team of the LMB, every member from every era, active, retired, reserve or honorary.

We are at the crux, and we have lost our way. Well, no more! Remember the basics, remember what this is all about, and let confusion fall away. There is a coherent story, and therefore must have a natural end. Let us go to it!

C’mon LMB! You’ve got your story! Give me our ending!

Sweet Ass Sweet!!!

THIS ONE’S FOR SARYA AND SPACE RANGER!!

You'd think by now we'd actually quite good at dealing with that particular peril wouldn't you? Strange how logic doesn't always work...

Are we? Gosh. You learn something new every day.

There's us thinking we weren't paying attention adn we're actually holding the whole universe together.

I suspect we might all be well and truly screwed...

who do i have to kill to end this?

<pops knuckles>

Probably almost the whole of the LMBP. That would be the most efficient way.

That being said we'd probably only get retconned back into existence a week later so it might not be worth it.

Great Kaiser's Bun! We're in the Hypertime Bar! Dead means dead here! There'll be no bringing back anyone who is killed in this place!

I do believe Banshee was trying to kill Red Bee.

*Three Outdoor Miners, all of whom look exactly the same, continue to teleport keg after keg to various locations on the World Without Beer, working to resore that world to normalcy and hide the brewski from Tamper*

First things first!

[Wraps Tamper Lad in webs]

Quick someone pour whisky down his throat! That should snap him out of this madness!

Gakkk... Gakkk webs....

Keep Singing Frio. We must prevent the Anti-moderator from destroying the Hypertime Bar. After we destroy all beer and whisky, we'll get women the vote.

There's a joke there about compounding errors, but I value my skin too much to make it.

*continues to 'port away brew*

Take that Anti-Moderator.

You know, Tamp, you just may be confusing "Anti-Moderator" with "Anti-Moderate" here.

I think I would have noticed if Legion World women somehow lost the right to vote.

Dread not, I have just surrounded the Hypertime bar with 1,000 angry Kryptonian suffragettes. (Do you know how hard it was to charter those bloody streetcars to come out here?)

Anyways I told them that if the A-M wins, they will never get the vote, which is true from a certain point of view.

<Rockhopper Lad steps gingerly in.>

Poor Tamper. I think the strain of being an evil genius has finally gotten to him. Fortunately, before we left HQ, I grabbed his Reboozerizer Ray. <zaps Tamper and Frio with the Reboozerizer, they both stop singing>

Frio: Rockhopper! Can we go back to your place? I had a sudden craving for brandy!

RHL: I've got Frio. I'll take her back. What's Tamper doing with those Kryptonian suffragettes?

The Official Line is that the Kryptonian suffragettes are here to win their freedom from a cold patriachal society.

Off the record, I've cleverly manipulated their desire for reform so that the LMB can use them as cannon fodder when the A-M finally shows up.

Jeepers! And here I figured Tamper Lad brought the Kryptonian chicks here for breeding purposes!

Well, someone will have to be there to comfort the survivors.

Unfortunately for Tamper, it'll likely end up being Cobie.

Is that all we can think of around here, releasing our gonadal lust.

I knew I should have listened to Nova Girl and summonned the Daxamite Castrati Chorus to protect the Hypertime Bar instead.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the phones. Singing... booze gone... a world practically not worth living...

*shoves an icicle up Tamper Lad's... somewhere uncomfortable*

Jerk. Making me sing and... whatever. You stink. Thanks for the offer Rockhopper Lad but I think I need a rest and a a good stiff drink before I can go anywhere.

Besides, I don't want to miss the show.

I was thinking more about the alcohol myself, but I think you know the answer to this one.


Oh, like that would make a difference.

<rushes to Frio>

Are you okay??

<glares at Tamper Lad>

Do that again and I burn your butt!! Honestly. You and your stupid evil genius ways.

I'll join you in a drink in a moment, Frio, Cali. Right now, I'll take advantage of Tamper's current--ah--indisposition and relieve him of his Temperance Ray. <Takes raygun; freezes till it disintegrates>. There are some technologies we're better off without.

Cali please burn my butt now, if you would? It would help with this icicle Frio has placed in a most uncomfortable position.

Agreed!

*sniff* It was so horrible. The singing. Like I was there but not in control. *clings to Caliente* Soooo horrible. I'm going to have nightmares.

*has a stiff drink* ... *then has four more* Muuuch better. Better hurry Rockhopper Lad! Tamper Lad got to most of the good stuff.

Bastich.

You wish. Hmmph!!

<consoles Frio from her place on the sidelines>

Hey you destroyed my prototype temperance ray. I was planning to take that to Utah World to demonstrate it to the authorities there. There was a strong possibility they were going to equip all their missionaries with them.

EGI was going to make a fortune on that technology.

Tamper, when this crisis is over, why don't come up to the Rookery for a few days? I think you need a break. I have a new female ski instructor who moonlights as a cheerleader.

Er i don't think so, no time for debauchery...

Kryptonian Suffragettes! Protect the Hypertime Temperance Hall...

The Anti-Moderator may take your lives... but he'll never take your ballots.

Tamper, whose side are you on? They're trying to attack us!

<Rockhopper frowns slightly>
FREEZE!!!

<All the Kryptonian Suffragettes turn to ice statues>

Fortunately, my ice powers are magic-based. Works better than Kryptonite. If we need them thawed out later, we'll do it.

Leave my suffragettes alone. If they come after you it's only because you're a member of the paternalistic patriarchal hierarchy.

Cobie, watch yourself. Some un-named person may have told them about you. And the suffragettes may have inferred that Ev-Girl would seize power in the Security Office should something happen to you while you were at the hypertime bar.

Is there any doubt why we're having a friggin' crisis?

Usually, though, it's someone's debauchery (I'm lookin' at you, CK) that gets us into these situations to begin with.

A few demon children and bloodlust filled brides and no one ever lets me live it down...my libido isn't *that* bad, is it? (er, that's rhetorical )

Ohmygod, is this crisis over with yet? Some of us have like lives to get back to.

I summed it up two pages ago, and no one's made a move since, except Tamper, whose doing Valor knows what over there!

In the meantime, want to show my how you use that 9mm so well?

Ohmygod, **Looks Around** Okay, but where is "My"?

And like who is "My"?

Er, 'My' is my latest bodyguard who works directly under me at the Security Office. She's a lovely young lady and could a few lessons in flexibility when it comes to her offensive techniques.

I'm really glad My has progressed so nicely! I remember how scared and timid she was when she first came to the Legion World Orphanage!

I've worked long and hard to get her to loosen up around here! It's a good thing I've been looking out for her all this time. Another great perk of the Legion World Orphanage, brought to you by the Triumvirate.

MmmmHmmm... The Legion World Orphanage, yep, I remember that place.

So then I assume My's full name is My Whee Fem, the little half Korean, half Philipino girl who had the bunk next to me, years ago.

Sure, Mr Cobalt, I'll help her with shooting. But if I remember right, she's like a whiz with her butterfly knives.

<The trio of Miners, huddled together at the bar, break and approach the assembled team.>

OK, I think we have an idea. First, IB needs to..

<The explanation is cut short as an interdimensional rift suddenly opens behind them and pulls the three into it. It immediately closes afterwards.>*


* - To be continued. Elsewhere. Maybe.

Eh? Miner just called to me!

Cobie! We need My! She's important somehow. I'm not sure how, but...

(Suddenly, reality ripples, cutting IB off. The whole bar vanishes in a flash of light, and when it ends, IB is replaced by... Invisible Babyac!)

Goo goo!

Gaa gaa” says Tamper Toddler.

Cutie Caliente baby is happily sucking her own toes whilst Diaper Disaster Boy is living up to his name.

They have been transported by the chaos that is the Anti Moderator to the Super Nursery of Space where the Three Outdoor Miners were taken. It is the Miners worst nightmare come true for Halloween. Trapped in a place of pink fluffy bunnies, nursery rhymes and twee wallpapers. Nothing to drink but milk, nothing to watch but Barney DVD’s and no one to talk to be dribbling, pooping, crying babies.

A disembodies voice booms out.

“Yah Boo!” it cries triumphantly, “Chaos rules, you drool. Now I shall teach these tots to speak and the first words they shall learn are “Me rikey R……”


But before we can find out what these words are we return to

When last heard from, LAM was fighting these really huge, really ugly clones of some mountain man guy...Can someone PM me to put me up to speed as to what's been going down for the past two weeks? Coz i hate missing out on the fun!

Check out page 18 for Cobie's summary!

I did, EDE...I might just go with the flow for the time being...Those manboobie dudes are all cosmic-dusted now?

Ever since that summary, I've been exhausted...and can only hope the LMB can finish off this disaster!

In the meantime, I'm going to hang out with that Rosemary girl from Earth-7 that all those old people want me to get to know. In honor of yesterday's Halloween craziness of course!

Can we PLEASE change the title of this thread to <span style="font-size: 20px;">"Kill this Infinite Crisis"</span>

Oh, Abin, you speak for so many...

Time passed. Perhaps.

There was nothing but the Nursery. A small window to the outside (placed there to torture them?) showed that what lay beyond the walls was nothingness; a formless void. (It was a familiar sight to at least one of the Outdoor Miners, but that is a tale for another time.) Unable to get their bearings in non-space, the Miners knew they would be unable to step back to the Hypertime Bar, or anywhere else for that matter.

There was nothing but the Nursery.

Time passed. Perhaps.

The Miners, devoid of the usual targets for their sarcasm, turned on each other for a time. But that invariably caused the babies to cry, which none of them could take. Petty vandalism proved no solace either; shredded wallpaper would mysteriously reppear whole, decapitated stuffed animals would regenerate. They became.....adjusted to their lot. Carefully, if listlessly, they cared for the babyfied LMBPers; secure in the knowledge that they were loved by the Purple Reptile God, and that they loved him in return.

Time passed. And then....

.....a figure shimmered into view near the ceiling, and then crashed to the floor. The babies began to cry from the interruption of their naptime. The Miners, as if coming out of a stupor, slowly turned to face this intruder, who was tentatively rising to his feet.

He, for it was a male, was dressed in a blue and red costume that was ripped in several places. His lower lip was bloody. His left arm hung limply at it's side. He looked around.

"Where....where am I?" he stammered, before his eyes settled on one of the insectoids. "Miner? Miner, is that you?"

The bug's eyes flickered, as if he was trying to remember details from a previous life, which in a way he was. Finally, something clicked. "Fuh...fuh...Faraway?", he muttered.

"Yes, yes it's me! My God, Miner, what's happened to you? Where are we? What..."

Faraway stopped short as he saw the other two approach him. "More of you?", he said. "Then you did reach the Hypertime Bar! You can get us there!"

"The....bar?" Something else else about the word bar pleased Miner greatly, though he was having trouble remembering exactly why. His reverie was interrupted by a sharp backhand from Faraway's good arm.

"We don't have time for this, dammit!", cried Faraway. "He's coming, and the bar might be the only place we can hide! Now get yourself together and let's get out of here!"

"um....excuse me?", came a tentative voice from the window. It was one of the other Miners. "Should that be out there?"

"Should what be out there?" snapped Faraway.

"um...that missile-looking thing.", said the Miner, backing away as Faraway limped to the window.

"Oh no," he said. "He's found us."

The babies continued crying.

"You two!", shouted Faraway, pointing at the Miners nearest the cribs. "Get the babies and bring them over here!" He turned to the Miner nearest him. "Now! Help me open a gate!"

"What...gate?"

Faraway slapped him again.

"Focus, bug! When I count three, I'm going to send us faraway and you're going to bring us back here. Got it?"

"Ok. Slap me again, though, and I'll 'port this baby bottle somewhere unpleasant."

Faraway allowed himself a smile. "That's the Miner I know. Now, on three. One....get those kids over here....two.....three!"

Faraway moved them faraway.

Simultaneously, Miner moved them back.

The missile struck the Nursery, rendering it to dust.

*************

The patrons of the Hypertime Bar may or may not have been surprised to see four infants suddenly appear amongst them on the floor. It wouldn't have been cool to show it in any case. But they did step in to look after their lost ones.

Of the three Miners and the Faraway, there was no sign.


(The question of who "He" is, and where the Miners are, will be answered in the Onevision "The Three Miners". Should I ever get around to writing the thing. In the meantime, Infinite Crisis continues here.)

Pounds head...

Dammit... okay someone just kill the anti-moderator in the confines of the bar and the crisis will be over... and I can get back to scheming ways to improve legion world.

This thread is going no where fast, I say you just throw the top secret Anti-moderator destroyo bomb and be down with it.

The Anti-Moderator materialized in the now deserted Hideway Bar.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHA! Finally I've succeded! The LMBP is no more! Legion World is no more. I can just wipe this place clean and start everything over with no one left to remember what once was the best Legion stronghold in the multiverse!

NOW!!!!!

Who are you people again?

(accidently drops the Top-Secret-Anti-Moderator-Destroyo-Bomb)

Opps...

(runs for cover)

(watches anti moderator shrivel and wink out of existance.....)

drinks anyone?

(some things never change)

Wow! That was fabulous!

Tempest, I'm going to have you named to the Order of the Ice Floe, the highest honour the Penguin Colonies can confer upon an off-worlder, for this!

I repeat....Who are you people again?

Well, I'm sure he hasn't just retreated to the beginning of time to prevent our reality from ever taking place or anything...

Nah!

We good!

No, Tempest - you are good, gurlfriend!

maybe but we should have a good decade to relax.

**Meow**

I smell a mouse...

**Meow**

The Time Mouse Trapper looked at his work and smiled. Turning to his harem he sang (its true, scientists have discovered mice can sing at high frequency) and three attractive female mice ran to his side.

“Sqeeek, Sqeeek …..” he laughed. He had not known of the Anti Moderators plan but had seen his opportunity once the battle started in the Hypertime bar. Moving between nanno seconds he had snatched the Anti Moderator from the bar and flung him to the far distant past, to the very creation of the universe before the anti moderator bomb had exploded. If he was careful the LMBP would think they had won and go back to their usual drinking and partying. It would leave the Anti Moderator to re create time and the universe from the very beginning.

“Squeek Squeek” went the Time mouse Trappers little wheel as he ran along happy in the knowledge that soon, once the ripples in time spread out far enough, His hated enemies the LMBP would cease to exist.

"There's no one here, no one left....I've finally succeeded!" Anti-Moderator laughed in glee in the Hideaway Bar at the beginning of time.

"You're wrong about that," said Vee as he appeared in a flash of multicolored light, so bright it made the Anti-Moderator flinch.

"You? Hahaha, I should be worried about you? Don't make me laugh. Do you think you can defeat me? Alone? When so many others have tried and failed?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, that's exactly what I intend to do," Vee said quite calmly. "And when I'm done, everything at Legion World and all the LMBPers will be back to normal."

"Heheh, you really think you can destroy me? Me? Do you forget what I did to the Emerald Empress? And You think you can do anything to me?"

"No, I haven't forgotten the Empress. None of us ever will. And I'll make you pay for that as well, but first..." With a flick of his hand, and a flash of brilliant multi hued light, Vee and the Anti-Moderator flickered from view, only to apparently reappear a split second later.

"Hahahaha! You stupid fool! Is that the best you can do? You've done nothing to me, nothing at all."

"That's where you're wrong," Vee said with a tired smile on his face. "You are a master of Chaos. Whereas I on the other hand am..."

"Don't try to tell me that you are a master of Order! I would know! And if you were, I could still defeat you as I have others in the past."

"No, not a Master of Order, something else all together," Vee said. "I am a Master of the Variable. I control just how much or how little something can change, or grow, or shrink. And just now, just a moment ago, I speed up the progression of time in this place. Eons have passed in the few moments we have talked. And we're now back to the crisis point. Less than one second has passed since Faraway and the three Miners and the babies ported out of Nursery."

"But that means...!"

"Yes, your warhead is just about here," Vee said. "or to the Nursery rather, but it's all the same since the Nursery and Hypertime Bar are right next to each other. And lets's not forget, as I'm sure you know, that whatever happens in this place is irrevocable. So, say your prayers. Your time is about up."

"I have to get out of here!" Anti-Moderator cried as he tried to use every power at his disposal to save himself to no avail. Staring at me in horror he asked, "What have you done to me?"

"Nothing much," Vee smiled. "I simply slowed down the activation of your powers. They're still working but it will take at least 20 minutes before they actually take effect. Too bad you don't have 20 minutes"

"Nooo!"

"Yes. I'll leave you now to face your fate. But first, this is for the Empress!"

A green glow surrounded the Anti-Moderator, swirling around him. Moments later it dispersed. Where once the Anti-Moderator had stood there now slithered an ugly, slimey slug.

Glancing out the window, Vee said, "Missile is just about here. Goodbye."

Surrounding himself in emerald energy, Vee disappeared, just as the missile slammed into the Hypertime Bar and blew it into a billion pieces. He reappeared almost instantly on the lonely asteroid circling Star 69, rejoining the Sapphire Seeress and the Scarlett Sorceress.

"Well done, Variable One" said the lady in blue.

"The Anti-Moderator is no more," added the scarlett lady. "The Crisis is over."

"And now we must return everything to how it should be. Join with me and let the multicolored energies accomplish together what none of us could do alone."

Joining with Sapphire and Scarlett, Vee released the energy of the Emerald Eye of Ekron. As it merged with the other hues, reality shifted, resorted itself and settled back into place with a click. As the lights faded, Vee found himself alone.

"I can't believe it's finally done," Vee thought. "Here's to you Empress. May you rest in peace with the knowledge that you saved us all. We'll never forget...I'll never forget you."

"And now, it's time to go home!"

It's good to be home...

<looks at picture of Space Ranger and Emerald Empress>

Truth and Justice...and redemption...those are things we'll always stand for my friends...and I can't wait to one day see you again.

And so the Infinte Crisis (so aptly named) has finally come to an end. So much has happened...so much has changed...that it may take some time for everything to get back to normal on Legion World. Certainly those LMBPers most intimately or actively involved in this Crisis will need some time to recover and some will likely be forever changed. Only time will tell.

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