Today I (Imaginary Version) ...

took up falconry.

tested my time machine. (Actually, I commenced the test on January 12, 2011, but concluded it today)

borrowed Kent's time machine to travel back to 1976 and console Stevie Nicks after her breakup with Lindsey Buckingham. (It helps that "Rhiannon" is playing on the radio.)

flew my Lear jet to Nova Scotia to see a total eclipse of the sun.

(you didn't stop and say "hi" to Cramer? for shame.

)

watched my time machine race by on its way to its Sunday morning arrival.

Met the Jovian version of me that exists on Jupiter. He's pretty cool and has better gadgetry.

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
(you didn't stop and say "hi" to Cramer? for shame.

)

Who do you think watch the total eclipse of the sun with me?

Her new pet falcon is sooooo cute.

added the faces of Mick Jagger and Shakira to Mount Rushmore.

Used my own time machine to arrive just in time

to see HWW "consoling" Stevie. Plotted his doom. SHE'S MINE!

"Thunder only happens when it's raining."

arranged for Stevie's limousine to leave AFOB stranded armless in a heavy downpour. (Kinda hard to operate a time machine with your teeth.)

Laughed out loud myself, evilly, because little did He Who Wanders know, my time machine was designed by Stephen Hawking!

watched blissfully as Stevie rejected AFOB since you have to look and sound like Stephen Hawking in order to operate his time machine!

ha. ha. ha. ha. curses. foiled. again.

Did I mention I bought the Kansas City Chiefs today and fired everyone in the front office?

I get Stevie. You get the Chiefs. Sounds like an even trade-off to me.

I'll use the time machine to come back after her when she gets off the nose candy.

Having no particular interest in dating Stevie Nicks, I went down to the Dinosaur Shelter and adopted a compsognathus.

After seeing Quis off at the airport, that is.

I was able to check off the final thing on the pre-Christmas to-do list I made for my staycation last week.

Used any one of the hundreds of time machines you can buy on Legion World eBay, traveled to the 31st century for some easily obtained gender reversal meds, and returned to the late 20th century to spend the evening with Steven Nicks -- inspired the lyric "give to me your leather."

Having tea with Betty Windsor (Queen Elizabeth II to the rest of you)

(also known as Lizzy Duecey)

Went bowling, using a Gil'dan who lost a bet.

... got into a bar fight over the causes of the War of 1812.

... had Quis's back in a bar fight... even though I knew for a fact that there was no such event as the "Strong Words of 1811".

Quote

Originally posted by Exnihil:
... had Quis's back in a bar fight... even though I knew for a fact that there was no such event as the "Strong Words of 1811".

Oh you Jacobin, you!

...had a date and he wasn't psycho.

...had a date that did not end with my being called a psycho.

...went on a date.

...ran into Cramer as she was going to a motel with a stange man.

took a used Legion timebubble and when back to make sure the guy that John Wesley Harding shot for snoring so loud was not in that particular Saloon on that particular day.

...took a trip to New York City. Visited DC Comics; Saran-wrapped Dan DiDio's personal toilet; George Perez was visitng and took the time to teach me how to draw comics, finally; went to every comics shop in town, since I just won the lottery and now have a complete, Legion collection, beginning with Adventure #247, and ending with a rough copy of Legion of 3 Worlds #5 (Dawnstar is on the cover, BTW) which I slipped out of GP's sketch book, and went to the top of the Empire State building again. This time my ears didn't go shut and it wasn't cold and raining.
Took a nap-it was a long day!

...got totally confused about which was the "Lies" thread and which was the "Today I..." thread.

[skulks off in shame]

...picked up the kids at my buddy Michael Jackson's place. He's such a nice man.

visitng Iraq and made a bet with an Egyptian reporter that President Bush's reflexes were not what they use to be,...boy was i wrong.

tried to rob the banks at Gotham City again. Man, its tough. I keep saying I should pack up and go somewhere like Cleveland or something where people can't make heads or tails out of those clues I leave behind, but well...my ego won't let me.

went to Nepal and had a long talk with Sherlock Holmes.

won the Kill-This-Thread thread.

...got a lovely Xmas card from the Espionage Squad. I hung it over the mantle next to the one from my Father-In-Law, but five minutes later, it self-destructed.

I'm going to miss that mantle. Not to mention my eyebrows.

... went shopping with Michelle Obama for inauguration outfits.

. . . was the client for whom Cobie saved six million dollars.

...was the person who unfairly hogged the credit from Cobie and collected the 6K bonus.

...finally, after decades of ceaseless searching, found Herb from those mid-80s BK commercials.

. . . found Herb crooning next to Peaches.

...finally lost on Jeopardy after winning over $500,000. It was a question about Middle Eastern rock bands of the 1970's.

...suddenly acquired the ability to fly.

...made myself temporary eyebrow toupees from cathair that I scraped off the chair cushions.

...melted last night's snow off of the front porch with my new Heat Vision (tm) power.

Ran to Paris, literally, for a few Christmas gifts.

...tugged on Superman's cape.

...sent my ex-boss a lump of plastic coal for his stocking. (Why should I help that jaggoff keep warm, anyway ?)

... teleported to Boston for some baked beans.

...said aloud "!enog eb dloC" and I was instantly well!

... am announcing my new <strike>Ponzi Scheme</strike> Financial Genius Benevolent Ethical Investment Fund whereby I deliver a guarantied 10% weekly dividend. The fund generates returns through an undisclosed, proprietary strategy based on arbitraging futures contracts for goods and services between realities of the multiverse.

...discovered the Anti-Life Equasion, and almost immediately an agent sought me out to help me patent it to make riches. A Mr. Dez Aahd. Seemed like a nice guy.

...kicked myself hard for letting Tamper Lad steal my idea. Now it's back to the plan where I sell cheap "healing gemstone" bracelets to old ladies on fixed incomes for seventy bucks a pop online. Damn it. [sulks]

Quote

Originally posted by CJ Taylor:
... teleported to Boston for some baked beans.

... teleported to Denver to see CJ, but he wasn't there.

Won the lottery. Again!

...overhauled the economy to be based on small farms, small businesses, benign alternative energy, reduced consumption and the Golden Rule.

was adopted by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

finally became a serial killer

...sent Quislet, Esq. a gift basket with fava beans and blah blah blah.

Got that Wurlitzer jukebox my uncle willed to me.

...drove the George Barris Batmobile to work.

...drove Bessie (roadster from 70s Dr. Who) to campus. All the snow melted overnight and it was a warm, springlike day.

... hitched a ride with the Vogon Constructor Fleet. They were on their way to a poetry reading.

..had my buff, but cute and scruffy, houseboy Zach bring me breakfast in bed, after which he cleaned the house and finished decorating the Christmas tree.

...made gobs of money at taxpayer expense, along with all my fellow fat-cat friends:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081222/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/executive_bailouts;_ylt=AjPWFAE18ILQCQJEbvxAuLOs0NUE

...left mr_cleome for Kent's friend in banking.

...saw Elvis while walking in downtown Memphis today. He looks a lot like Stan Lee now.

... saw Barbara Bush walking in downtown DC today. She looks a lot like Stan Lee now.

...stole Rockhopper Lad's houseboy Zach away from him. He looks nothing like Stan Lee.

...faked Quis out by decoying him with Zach's identical twin brother Jack.

...built a perpetual motion machine

...decided I have more than enough money to make that trip to NYC in '09.

...teleported to Cambridge, England, to attend Lessons and Carols at King's College.

...danced the dance fandango

...became omnipotent ruler of the world! Bwa-ha-ha.

...set out for three all-paid weeks on the beach in Cancun.

(Zach 'n Jack + endless Mai Tais optional.)

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
...became omnipotent ruler of the world! Bwa-ha-ha.

... tightened the ties on Kent's straitjacket.

... rehearsed my 3 song set that I'll be performing as part of Dick Clark's "New Year's Rockin' Eve" celebration.

...mastered the Expert Level of Crazy Train on Guitar Hero.

...had a really good cup of coffee from Starbucks.

...had every temp agency in town trying to outbid one another for my services.

... told Bill Gates "I don't need your stinkin' charity!"

Ended my entirely self imposed exile from Legion World...

... found a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk.

...began leaving counterfeit hundred dollar bills on sidewalks.

...gained a hefty reward from the Secret Service for turning AFOB in.

Quote

Originally posted by Rockhopper Lad:
...had a really good cup of coffee from Starbucks.

(that one's too farfetched, even for this thread!)

...killed my 75th thread since joining this board.

...read issue 3 of Legion of 3 Worlds .

...read issue 3 of Legion of 3 Worlds while drinking a really good cup of coffee from Starbucks.

... activated my interlocks, connected my dyna-therms, brought my infra-cells up, and set my mega-thrusters to go.

...hit it and quit it. That's how I roll.

...created a giant chain to wrap itself around the Earth.

.... met with my long lost identical twin. We discussed at length which one of us was the evil twin. (realize that whether I am the good twin or the evil twin, I will say that I am the good twin)

... had tea in the Sahara (with you).

...became fluent enough in Japanese to sing along with every single song in Orange Pekoe 's repertoire. From now on, I demand that everyone address me as... Caucazoid Jpop Lass !! Or not.

...battled a future version of myself that for some reason insists on being my arch-nemesis.

Quote

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
...battled a future version of myself that for some reason insists on being my arch-nemesis.

Isn't that pretty much a weekly occurance for you?

Quote

Originally posted by dedman:

Quote

Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
[b]...battled a future version of myself that for some reason insists on being my arch-nemesis.

Isn't that pretty much a weekly occurance for you? [/b]

Maybe for a change of pace, you should travel into the past to put your younger self on the correct path, but he sees it as you becoming his arch-nemesis.

...completed my doctorate in Medieval Studies.

...learned that all the male cast members on Guiding Light have developed mancrushes on me.

...just got a leading role on Guiding Light!

...disguised myself as a man and auditioned as an extra on Guiding Light.

... got elected president of my local George W Bush fan club.

...flew to New York City. Smacked Dan DiDio about the head and face. Onlookers in nearby offices cheered. Flew home. No, I didn't use a plane.

had a mani/padi with Ruth Buzzi

...was drawn and quartered. (That is to say, I posed for an art class, for which I was paid 25 cents.)

Posed for the cover of Men's Health magazine.

... found the cure for the common cold.

...established a foundation which bought Quislet's cure for the common cold, and made it available for free to everybody, forever.

... called in sick and they called me a great big liar and wrote me up. Thanks for nothing Quis & FC!!!

...heard my former boss had a run of bad luck that culminated with his arrest for panhandling outside City Hall. Made my day.

...am going to Cleome's for supper.

...got a boob job.

...really admired Lardy's new look... really admired it.

...saw Lardy shake what his Momma\' gave him .

...bought one of everything in the comic book shop.

...bought FC a lifetime supply of mylar bags and acid-free backing boards. Just 'cause.

...stole all of FC's free acid boards. Oh, acid -free. Here FC you can have them back.

...won the Powerball jackpot.

... put on my new Size 2 jeans.

... discovered Iraq's secret cache of WMDs. They were in the back of my sock drawer.

Gathered up all my job-search paperwork and bogus "advancement training" crap and had a bonfire in the front yard. Burnt every temp "recruiter" I've ever had in effigy. Thousands showed up to cheer and clap and we sang several rousing choruses of Juluka's "Work For All."

Then we pooled everyone's remaining Unemployment and spent it all on booze, smokes and video poker. It was fabulous.

...cleaned the house. I LOVE cleaning.

...smoked a little bit of what Cleo was smoking when she came up with her above post.

Nosferatu

...knew exactly what Quis was talking about.

...consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

...marched straight over to the Mayor-Elect's house and gave him a piece of my mind, big time.

...was so thankful Mr. Obama is going to fix the entire world with a smile and a nice speech.

... made sense.

... punched the CEO of Exxon in the nose.

...was inspired to create

...bowled a perfect game, as always.

...made a cool grand selling my art.

...leaped over the tallest building on Mars. You may go ahead call me Marsboy.

...joined the Mile High Club.

... quit the Mile High Club

...completed my 2008 tax return.

Got my W-2 from my employer. They're so prompt!

teased my younger sister in facebook.

...took every bit of unrequested advice my siblings gave me regarding how to fix my life.

... sunbathed nude on my porch.

...took photos of Quis

...sold deddy's photos of Quis to the LMB Inquirer.

... returned from P3X-974 with a fancy new hat!

...was overjoyed to find out that Dennis Leary is my long-lost twin.

read a delightful PM from Lightning Lad

...was mildly surprised to discover that I'd been selected to take over Rod Blagojevich's old job.

Anyone want to buy some gubernatorial goodwill?

...made my presentation at Davos and convinced the world's power brokers that I am right and they, alas, have been wrong all this time.

bought 25 extra copies of Legion #50 to give to all my friends on Legion World.

...FedExed Lad Boy an awesome sketch and a box of homemade cookies in exchange for a copy from his magical trove of comics greatness.

...made out with the FedEx guy and shared some cookies with him afterward.

.. wondered if all my days at my new job as FedEx delivery guy would be as interesting.

...couldn't help but notice that my FedEx guy smelled like musky butts when he came to deliver my Build-a-Rocket, Launch-a-Rocket rocket kit.

Re-read LSH 3boot #50 and decided it was the greatest issue EVER!

...didn't make a single inane post on the MMB

...found out that some other garage band had already snapped up the name "Musky Butts." Decided to fall back on my original favorite candidate: "Nude Thorny Oyster."

... found out I was picked for Survivor ...

... started my new career as male escort.

...watched the Arizona Cardinals defense stop the Steelers from scoring a game-winning touchdown.

smiled happily as my daughter cleaned her room without a single complaint.

...used my powers of hypnosis to convince everyone that football is a big waste of time, especially the Super Bowl.

...was "escorted" by Quislet, Esc. after calling Big Dick's Male Model Agency & Law Firm.

... Dressed up, got in my limo and was driven to a fabulous champagne brunch at Milo's on Broadway with RB and Quis.

met up with Rocky for a special February version of the Kentucky Derby.

...won 15K on Rocky's horse: The Blazing Penguin.

... panhandled in Crawford, Texas.

...stole/borrowed Quis' atomic train for a joyride while he was busy panhandling.

Overheard former President George W. Bush say, "I believe it is every American's God-given right to have pans with handles on 'em. Otherwise, you don't, and that'd be sad. Unless of course it's a pan to make pizza. Or biscuits."

...finished chipping all the ice from the driveway. Boy, I'm glad THAT's done!

...laughed maniacally as I used my glare-of-iciness to refreeze dedman's driveway.

HAHAHAHA!

It also works wonders for getting my other half to pick up his socks.

HAHAHAHA!

...spent the day at a tropical resort, my every need being attended by comely servant girls.

...decided to hitchhike to the con back East with the sole purpose of plaguing the other LMB faithful. Oh, and crashing the DC panel and ordering them to get it together with the Legion stuff-- or else I'd bare my midriff and then they'd really be sorry.

... did not use the f-word after Turbo Tax calculated my effing alternative minimum effing tax.

...was shocked, simply shocked, at the reminder that Olympic Gold Medalists of predatory banking practices are highly placed within The National Administration of Change-y Hope[tm].

...provide some real answers to what's going on!

am SO glad it's Monday!

quit my job and opened up a comic book store ...

...spent hundreds of dollars at Shark Lad's new store...

...made thou$and$ selling my 4,000 comics to Shark Lad.

.. sent my checking account number and the processing fee to Michael Woodgate to get my $250,000,000 United State dollars that I didn't know I had in the Central Bank of Nigeria.

... took a dip in the Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with chocolate.

Quote

Originally posted by CJ Taylor:
... took a dip in the Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with chocolate.

Chocolate-covered CJ

ate chocolate-covered CJ

if Disney gets his way, there's a good chance that won't be so imaginary

...finished all my pet projects with plenty of time to spare and got tons of praise.

...fixed my wrecked knee with the simple but time-tested Spell of Wholeness.

Tried to lose as much money as GM will today.

1) So I stuffed the pockets of my pants with 1 oz gold Maple Leaf Coins and punched a whole in my pocket and walked around town.

2) Hired 100,000 people and paid them 500 dollars for the day.

3) Made the workplace BYOB and provided papier mache for them to make pinatas for me to resell.

4) Paid myself a salary of 100,000

5) Hired lobbyists in each of the countries I have factories to get myself a bailout.

Unfortunately that only brought me up to a daily cash loss of 65 million. Well short of GM's burn rate.

Realized is the economic downturn in 2007-2009 is this bad, the one in 2041-2045 will be pretty bad but manageable. But the one in 2090? Oh boy.

... had to lay off the third assistant gardener today. Darn this economy!

Lost my job at Quislet's. Now I have to go back to being Kirstie Alley's pool boy.

And she likes to call me "Sven."

...admired the Best in Show trophy which my miniature poodle, La Petite Comtesse D'FwaFwa, won at last year's Westminster dog show. It was her Martha Graham inspired rhythmic interpretation of Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue" that caused the judges to take note and garnered her the award.

...adopted a fleet of orphaned video poker machines and began a lucrative new off-the-books career based out of my fabulous detached garage.

...got mistaken for George Clooney. Again. *sigh*

... started a Ponzi scheme.

...hired all of Quislet's ex-gardeners. This will be my best garden ever!

... lounged in the bright sunshine, drinking rum punch and eating bbq fresh off the grill.

...will dance around in me green knickers, vest and hat and try to keep 'em from finding me pot o'gold!

...realized that, yes, I am a Golden God complete with a retinue of fun-loving demi-gods and goddesses to dance joyfully around me, as well as the ability to smite all that oppose me!

My goldeny name is Bellephoroherculamulous (or Belphoherculam for short).

... accepted the job as an underwear model for Old Navy.

...imagined I'd have a long life on Legion World...

... went to work at Dunder-Mifflin

...baked a chocolate cake and didn't eat a single slice.

...ran a marathon.

was soooo thankful to be in Wilmington DE.

... invested all of my money with some guy named Bernie Madoff.

...only had small, manageable portions of pizza and beer. Honest.

booked a trip to Australia

Will get in bed before 2am.

...became waterproof.

... finished reading War and Peace in the original Russian.

...realized I am not gaining weight no matter how much I eat.

...threw down eighteen bucks for that Legion paperback. No sweat.

will run another *yawn* boring marathon.

...won the "You will not kill this thread" competition.

...swam upstream through the Milky Way until I reached it's very beginning, where I stood up, turned around, and stared back out across the universe, marveling at the wonder of it all.

...finished all three final papers between classes today.

... tricked 25 people into thinking I was a homeless person suffering from schizophrenia.

(Quis, you impersonated John Cleese's village idiot character from Monty Python?)

...woke up and found that my nose had magically reshaped itself into a perfect size and shape.

(Stealthie, I am 100% certain your nose is quite adorable just as it is)

...got a lot done today, and didn't waste a penny.

Awwwww, thank you, Kent.

...worked on my novel instead of making inane posts.

...ate and ate 'til I was sick on the floor 'cause eight times eight is sixty-four!

...spent my whopping giant mega huge tax refund on many fun things.

...shopped the preview chapters from Stealth's novel around to all by publishing contacts. Now they're fighting over her!

...weighed all the publisher's offers while keeping them salivating over my novel.

didn't wake up depressed about vacation almost being over ...

...ran out of coffee.

...immediately! teleported a kilo of excellent coffee to Cleome.

...took Quis to the cleaners by winning our bet on whether Cramer's experimental teleporter would work.

.. thanked Kent for giving me a ride to the cleaners to pick up my dry cleaning.

...invited Kent and Quis to the first outdoor, all-brass and drums performance of the 1812 Overture, at 5 a.m., outside Quislet's noisy neighbours' house.

... returned the rented cannon back to the cannon rental store.

...stranded Quis' noisy neighbors on Marzal, where they won't be seen or heard from for some time.

...pitched an awesome reworking of Tyroc to the brass at DC. Got hired on as thousands cheered.

...got hired to draw The Adventures of Tyroc.

Finalized my plans for the rest of the week while I'm in Manhattan. My boss and I will have three of our clients coming (from same company) and we'll be taking them to meetings but also taking them out around Manhattan.

Should be lots of great dinners & lunches, plus we're going to see God of Carnage tomorrow night on Broadway (James Gandolfini, Marcia Gay Harden, Hope Davis and Jeff Daniels--great cast!). This is the fun part of my job!

...got started on that lenghty "TO-DO" list.

...finished my own legendary to-do list. Deddy's list, too.

... murdered my boss

...helped SharkLad hide the body. Right next to the remains of my last "permanent" employer.

...made a note never to hire cleome or SharkLad.

... will be arranging a bake sale with Rush Limbaugh.

... sent a resume to Kent

. . . sent a resume to Kent, England. (I hear that the birth county of Mick Jagger is auditioning a new Rolling Stones.)

... teleported myself.

...thanked Quislet for helping me and my buddies beat the rap.

...enjoyed another fine Legion monthly

...instantly learned how to weld, perfectly.

... received my millions from that guy in Nigeria.

...retired as a gazillionaire. (And, yes, there is such a thing)

...cat burgled a gazillionaire's estate. It smelled like feet.

Was crowned Emperor of the Universe.

...got in touch with all my past lives.

Celebrated May Day with all my Russian comrades.

...fixed mr_cleome's computer and got all the damaged programs on my computer happily running again. Yeehaw!

...sent my private jet for Cleome to come fix my keyboard, which has transformed the apostrophe to the arrow up key.

...fixed FC's computer without even leaving my chair. Then quit all this groveling for low-paying temp monkey work and got a high-paying, recession-proof IT job that starts tomorrow.

am loving all the rain

... got drunk celebrating Cinco De Mayo

... Celebrated Cinco De Mayo by eradicating the Swine Flu just as the Mexicans eradicated the French Army.

...celebrated the little known holiday, Rohky fr Nsu, which is the Eighth of May on the planet Yarble.

...got massively drunk celebrating Rohky fr Nsu while simultaneously eradicating Swine Flu and the French Army.

...am restarting ze French Army myself, you silly twits! I fart in your general direction!

...learned to play fiddle like Michael Doucet, and to sing all his songs in the original Acadian French, too.

...submitted three exciting new lipstick shades to Revlon!

Bloody Red Death
Motherpucking Pink
Mauve Monkey Butt!

(wish me luck!)

...wore the Mauve Monkey Butt lipstick and attracted a lot of attention from big, hairy men.

... caught James Dobson and Pat Robertson in their secret love nest. Dobson was wearing Motherpucking Pink Lipstick.

...rescued the lab animals that Ram Boy was using for his lipstick tests.

(Rabbits look really weird wearing lipstick. Seriously.)

... entertained Zac Efron in my bedroom all day.

...never entertained the thought that Zac Efron is too young for Quis.

Quote

Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.:
... caught James Dobson and Pat Robertson in their secret love nest. Dobson was wearing Motherpucking Pink Lipstick.

Pulled the masks off James Dobson and Pat Robertson to reveal they were actually Al Franken and Jesse Ventura.

...caught the jackass who keeps vandalizing the plants in my yard and made him eat everything he destroyed.

wondering why my jackass has a bad case of gas.

... loaned Bill Gates $10.00.

Got $10 from some stranger.

Spent ten dollars on really good cake and champagne.

Invested $10 in a Nigerian "scam" and got back $10 million!

...just finished writing my new self-help book and future bestseller, GLAM I AM! How To Be Glamorous and Exciting For Under 10 Million Dollars! .

... didn't get slobbered awake by a pair of dachshunds

...was thoroughly disgusted with the weather.

... praised my cat Belinda and showered her with love for waking me up at 5 am.

... showered with Quislet

... wasn't surprised at all to discover the torrid and soapy nature of Quislet's and Sharklad's relationship.

...finally found out why this part of the boards always smells of <strike>lavender</strike> bay rum.

am glad it's Monday! WOOOOOOOOO hooooooooooo!

...am not suffering from my allergies in any way.

... bench pressed 300 lbs at the gym.

...bench pressed 300 lbs in the gym, beat Usain Bolt in a 100m dash, before running a marathon in 3 hours.

...quit the gym and decided to join a donut of the month club. June is Chocolate/Chocolate glazed!

... started a donut of the month club.

assassinated a 4th world leader ...

...polished off that gallon drum of blueberries in one sitting. And I'd do it again.

...achieved Nirvana. I also achieved Vanna White.

... stole a car and took a joy ride to Newark, NJ.

...wrote a country-western ballad about lovin' a good woman named Melody Sue. Here's a snippet -

She's like the first ray of sunshine
in my mornin'
She's like the field in the farm that
I grow corn in

Without her I'd be all alone
But with that woman's lovin'
I could saddle a cyclone

Her name
Her name
is

Melody Sue

...purchased the new country hit Melody Sue and played it repeatedly as I set sail for the Azores.

...wrote a follow up country-western ballad about lovin' another good woman. Here's a snippit -

She's like the first cup of coffee
in the mornin'
She's like the machine on top-o my tv
I play porn in.

She's proper
and she's respectable
Makes an apple pie that's delectable

Her name
Her name
is

Fat Cramer Amber-Lynn Sue

Got a gig playing marimba, theremin and ukelele with Ram Boy and His Roving Ramblers. Next stop: Vegas!

...got a job I truly loved and kissed the old job goodbye forever.

...had four men propose marriage to me now that it's legal in Texas.

...went to Tiffany's to buy a wedding present for Rocky.

...challenged all four of Rockhopper Lad's fiances to a duel! (so I'll be sort of busy at around dawn for the next few days)

Seconded Ram Boy. I carry the feather dusters.

...bought the most expensive gift listed on Rocky's bridal [sic] registry. Sent it by next-day air.

...surpassed Quislet's post-count total.

...wreaked ultimate vengeance against my arch enemies at Megalo-Bank, as millions cheered.

...saved the world with a timely boob-flash.

...convinced a pregnant woman to leave her husband and go to Argentina with me.

...raised enough money selling annual seeds to get Lardy that mechanical replacement hand.

... had lunch with Bishop Desmond Tutu, Miley Cyrus, and Vladimir Putin. Oprah wanted to come, but I had to say "no".

...invented the Rambulater™. The infomercial will star Cher, Jack LaLanne and Ram Boy's Go-Go Boy Rambulater™ Dancers.

... found a new use for my Rambulator TM

...figured that Chad T. (aka Go-Go Boy RambulaterTM No. 7) probably isn't into chicks, but couldn't resist sending him a mash note anyway.

...was persuaded by my legal experts (Tobi and Shannah) to reshoot the infomercial for the Rambulater™ in order to stress the DANGERS of using it as anything other than a personal relaxation devise. The new spot features Ed Asner, Charo and Ram Boy's Go-Go Boy Dancers Featuring Chad T.

...offered Chad T. a gig as a waiter at the Rookery.

...fired Chad T. because I didn't like the way Rocky was looking at him!

ate fruit.

... took Chad T. in to console him on his job loss.

...got the whole yard landscaped just right.

...had a date with Quis's Wonder Woman figure! She loved it when I squeezed her legs!

... filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against Lard Lad.

She was reaching for his man-boobs. I filed a counter suit as friend of the court, against the wonder woman doll.

...got a brand new pundit gig lamenting this constant escalation of frivolous lawsuits.

... filed a libel and defamation of character suit against cleome.

...read L3W #5.

...saw Chad T. run off with Quis's Wonder Woman doll.

...sold the screenplay "Chad and Diana".

...lost the role of Chad T. from "Chad and Diana" to Zac Efron. The producers said there just wasn't any chemistry between me and that damn doll.

...had a strange vision where Zac Efron spoke magically through my "Gender Bender" action figure.

ate Sarah Palin.

...bowled a perfect game.

...am sitting on a beach in the Caribbean...

...will put on my little black Chanel with Mother's uncultured pearls, and go dine on lobster and perfectly chilled Sauternes down at the Yacht Club.

...have the honor of escorting Cleome to the club. Unfortunately, she won't let me wear the pearls.

...thought about weeding the garden, but decided to let the hired help do it, then gave my orders to the chef and housekeeper.

...sensed that there was a Canadian gardener in dire straits. So I rushed to my shed, ripped off my clothes and became my alter ego...(flourish)...Weed Whacker Lad!

Weeds Beware!

For the price of a couple veggie burgers and a porn magazine, have discovered a renewable, highly efficient energy conversion process.

So far have gotten strong interest in the patent from Sears Craftsman Outdoor Garden Division and Mercury outboard motors.

...am going to Disney World!

...was told by Secretary MacNamara that the war will be over soon.

...exchanged bodies with my dog, just for a day.

... finished watching a 24 hour Dragnet marathon.

...was bummed out as local daytime temperatures dropped back into the mid-70s (F). Oh, and the cool breezes? Yuck!

...was kicked off the US fencing team for using my épée to thwack a judge repeatedly on his stupid little head.

...got all the ins and outs of the Gimp graphics program sussed within an hour. Made myself 15,000 awesome Legion icons and then gave them away. No charge.

Looked at my puppy, who in turn, looked at me and said "What are you looking at, Ding Dong?"

...became a Hollywood agent, and immediately signed AFOB's puppy to a lucrative four-picture deal with D*sn*y.

...settled a long-standing dispute between Ventura and Venegar.

...then hopped back to Earth to solve California's financial problems.

Just got my IOU from California paid.

...invited several Californians to move up here with no job prospects and crash on my couch while they looked around.

... had lunch with Dick Cheney & Donald Rumsfeld where we reminisced about our time in the White House together. We just laughed and laughed and laughed.

...skipped work and got drunk instead.

...found out how a certain blue LMB founder really spends his free time ...

... cleaned my bedroom of all clutter.

Realized that fireflies are actually communicating to each other using Morse code! This is just one of the many, many, many messages I've managed to intercept -

"Morgldy mtk frumpah dtopg"

- I'm not certain we should panic just yet, but if I was a morgldy I'd definitely be concerned!

... will make a startling announcement at the San Diego Comic Con.

...will be at the San Diego ComicCon long enough to hear Quis's startling announcement, but I'll have to teleport out as soon as his press conference is over.

...played a button accordion.

... sold tickets to Fat Cramer's accordian concert. I made a fortune.

...was touring an accordion manufacturing facility, when I was bit by a radioactive gypsy. Later in the afternoon I developed the uncanny ability to scrunch up and down and annoy people.

...Finished proofreading the transcripts from my clandestine trip to SDCC, where I spied on numerous LWB notables while in clever disguise as a D&D "booth babe."

Report to follow.

...found the lost city of Atlantis. It was the "Atlantis Chamber of Commerce" sign that clinched it, but at the same time, gravely disillusioned me.

...snorted an 8 ball of coke from a hooker's stomach.

...believed everything posted to this thread...

...except for that one post on one of the previous pages. No, I'm not telling which one. You have to guess.

...correctly guessed *which* previous post cleome is convinced never happened. And I completely concur that it's utterly preposterous.

...started a new political party and began making promises based upon postings in this thread. (Except for that one that never happened)

...founded the Legion World Think Tank, and began working on studies to influence the government the right way, and hired any of you who wanted to work there. We have an excellent cafeteria, gym, benefits and travel allowance.

... started working for the Legion World Think Tank. My first assignment was to start working at Fox News. On my own, I began to embezzle funds.

...founded the Legion World Think Again Tank (The Think Tank II) to let all the thinkers at the Legion World Think Tank know that we're thinking that they haven't put enough thought into their thinking.

No gym or cafeteria. But we do have an old army tank. You'd better think about that, you Legion World Think Tank (one) thinkers.

...had cameras installed in all your homes. Who needs a Think Tank? Mwah hah hah!

...transformed the LW Think Tank I into an international charitable organization for the betterment of comic books, and sent $100,000 to John Ostrander for his glaucoma surgeries.

...sold the tank and the tank then bought myself an electric car which ran out of juice while I was driving along an ol' country road. Unfortunately, I didn't have any extra D cells on me so I had to wander on foot to a farmer's house where I asked him if he had any hot, strapping farmhands who slept nekkid in a barn. He didn't. Bummer. But it all worked out because the Ramada Inn next door had hot, strapping innhands who slept nekkid in a utility shed.

...caught up on missed threads.

...discovered that Outdoor Miner is my real Dad.

.. made a deal with God to get him to swap our places.

Sacrifices a double fudge brownie to Quislet....

and boy was that kid's Ma mad.

...popped over to Craig's List and adopted twenty-six adorable orphaned kittens.

...added George Perez as a Facebook friend.

...went surfing off Hawaii. Mega waves!

...perfected my time machine. I hope swatting that fly didn't change things too much. Glenn Beck is still President, right?

...campaigned to remove Glenn Beck as President of the North American Union.

... flung Belinda around by her tail.

...won three different lotteries.

...shaved my head.

...had the best day ever.

...took a thermos of coffee and floated up above the clouds to watch the meteor showers. Lovely way to start the day.

.. won Ukraine's Got Talent. See my winning performanc here Sand Art

... formed an all-male Go-gos tribute band. Here\'s a video we made

<Is that you in the white suit coat, singing?>

...trained a Roomba to mow the grass.

...went to Ireland for a couple of days.

...decided to quit coffee forever.

..agreed that Cleome had an excellent idea regarding coffee and decided to follow her example.

Decided to believe everything I read in this thread... M'huh, Yes I Did!

...borrowed Abin's "new, improved" ring and resurrected several unjustly canceled books.

... started my new job as a fluffer.

am going back to work

...plan to spend at least eight hours drinking and carousing.

...was swimming in the World Cup Swimming Competition Bowl when my Speedo ripped wide open in back and I ended mooning every swimming enthusiast on the planet.

(I came in last, but I did get a couple of phone numbers)

Was woken up by a PYT from Illinois and was able to stand and hold her...

...stopped wondering where the hell we'll be living a year from now. It's all smooth sailing from now on, Baby!

...slept like a baby.

...was fired from my job in the Sears promotional department for suggesting they change their name to something hipper and cooler like "Not Sears".

...am adding the Great Ten to the pull list.

... replaced Geoff Johns as DC Comics number one writer. I'll be writing several new books, Red Tornado, The Spectre & Stargirl, The Brave & The Bouncey (a team-up book featuring Bouncing Boy and a different guest hero each issue), Bat-mite, Sneckie, and Star City Fire Department. This is in addition to writing JLA, JSA, Teen Titans, Superman, Green Lantern, Flash, and Spider-man.

Signed on with DC as Quis' junior assistant ghost writer. I'll be doing Ambush Bug, Inferior 5, the Doomed Patrol, and LMBP Adventures.

...read the entire 5YG in just under an hour. My exhaustive treatise on same is now posted in that other forum upstairs; 4,000 words per issue. Enjoy!

one hour??

I watched "whale wars" and am disturbed....

skipped work and watched season 4 of smallville

...renewed my faith in the inherent goodness of my fellow sentients.

...read The Odyssey, finally.

... finalized my plans to trace Odyesseus' route in authentic era boats.

...meant to post in this thread!

...insulted Jack Black and ended up on the run from the cops...

... stayed home.

...spent the day at the racetrack.

...breathed freely and clearly from my nose all day long and suffered no painful sinus headaches.

...posted a barely-clothed video of myself on YouTube, flexing my biceps and bouncing my pecs.

...was completely uninterested in seeing Rocky's Youtube video.

...moved to the United States, now that Lard Lad and Cleome have become President and VP.

...actually did find the 90s Zatanna-in-leathers-without-that-stupid-hat-or-those-stupid-backwards-spells miniseries that had been eluding me.

...sold my comic collection to buy some Michael Jackson memorabilia...

[ASIDE]

Quote

Originally posted by Stealth:
...actually did find the 90s Zatanna-in-leathers-without-that-stupid-hat-or-those-stupid-backwards-spells miniseries that had been eluding me.

are you really looking for that mini? I might have 3 issues of it.
[/ASIDE]

[ASIDE] OMG, that would be awesome. Thank you so much, Kent. And if it's the last issue that's missing, it's okay, I sorta know how it turns out because of a guest appearance she made in Ostrander's Spectre. [/ASIDE]

...met Zatanna in real life, and she was wearing leathers, and they certainly suited her.

[ASIDE]

Quote

Originally posted by Stealth:
OMG, that would be awesome. Thank you so much, Kent. And if it's the last issue that's missing, it's okay, I sorta know how it turns out because of a guest appearance she made in Ostrander's Spectre.

I either have/had 1,2 and 4 or 1, 3 and 4.... and possibly with a duplicate of the middle issue. I won't be able to look for them for a while, possibly not until October, because all my comics are in storage 4-5 hours away.
[/ASIDE]

...did not sleep in past 1 p.m. on my day off.

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
[ASIDE]

Quote

Originally posted by Stealth:
[b] OMG, that would be awesome. Thank you so much, Kent. And if it's the last issue that's missing, it's okay, I sorta know how it turns out because of a guest appearance she made in Ostrander's Spectre.

I either have/had 1,2 and 4 or 1, 3 and 4.... and possibly with a duplicate of the middle issue. I won't be able to look for them for a while, possibly not until October, because all my comics are in storage 4-5 hours away.
[/ASIDE] [/b]

No worries. The wait will make it that much sweeter. Thanks again, Kent.

... detsac ym cigam lleps!

...not only bowled a perfect game, but did so five times in a row!

...kept the press and the rabble at bay so Lardy could bowl in peace.

...sold Lardy's winning bowling ball on eBay for $10K.

...used the money I'd been squirreling away for grandma's new hip to buy a magic bowling ball on eBay!

UPDATE! - (it's here!...there's Cheetos dust in the finger holes)

...started a new TV network which will air nothing but Guiding Light.

...watched the Guiding Light network all day long.

...went back in time to the mid-1980s, became a TV executive, and green-lighted a Saturday morning Green Lantern Corps cartoon.

...am bringing sexy back!

... invented a cat/English translation device.

...am NOT bring sexy back!

...felt simply faaaaaaaaaabulous!!

...opened Ram Boy's Sexy Making Clinic & Spa. Come and luxuriate in our Sexy Tubs filled with 100% PURE Sexy Oyster Juice and then take a Sexy Stroll through our Horny Goat Weed Garden.

(on Route 6 next to Old Country Buffet)

...bought a controlling interest in Marvel/Disney, and immediately used my influence to get several LMB stalwarts hired on there.

...became the replacement for DnA on the cosmic corner of the Marvel Universe, thanks to Cleome's influence.

...began work on the animated musical Wolverine flick, with talking animal versions of various X-Men and Alpha Flight members.

...farted a pitch-perfect version of the National Anthem.

...applied for Galactic citizenship.

...got such a good response from Marvel to my advance scripts that they also made me the replacement for Dan Slott on Mighty Avengers.

Quote

Originally posted by Lard Lad:
...farted a pitch-perfect version of the National Anthem.

(the only part that makes this imaginary is that he didn't specify which nation's anthem)

...took Kent behind the woodshed for that remark!

...pretended that I hadn't seen this "trip to the woodshed" coming from a long way off.

...got more work done today than I planned on.

... starred in the all drag queen version of Twelve Angry Men

...got to watch all the NFL games today.

...will get to see a new episode of Guiding Light when I get home.

...am optimistic that the new season of Heroes that begins tonight will be much better than the last two.

...threw a banquet for 10,000 of my closest friends.

...spanked a real monkey.

... discovered that my real parents were gypsies. They entrusted me to my "parents" because of political intrigue. I am now king of the gypsies.

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
...threw a banquet for 10,000 of my closest friends.

How come I wasn't invited?

Quote

Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.:

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
[b] ...threw a banquet for 10,000 of my closest friends.

How come I wasn't invited?

[/b]

The invitation was lost in the imaginary mail.

played a valuable role in the stabilization of the US economy and did not participate in futile, fruitless meetings to discuss pointless end-of-the-fiscal-year goals.

Quote

Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.:

Quote

Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
[b] ...threw a banquet for 10,000 of my closest friends.

How come I wasn't invited?

[/b]

was not fooled by Quis covering his tracks after snubbing my banquet.

...find my internal clock has been perfectly reset, and have every confidence that I can be fast asleep before 10 PM PST.

...ordered the "101 Coluan Curries " cookbook.

What if you only have 100 Coluans for the curry?

You make do, as do all good cooks. Or you grab a spare Earthling, although they tend to be bland.

...realized this is all a dream.

...destroyed the universe by interrupting AFOB's sleep cycle at an inopportune moment.

...discovered a new planet. I'm going to call it either Plutoagain or Bitemearth.

... decided to run for public office. Ted Kennedy's seat is now available.

...Publicly doubted Quislet, Esq.'s ability to fill Ted Kennedy's seat...

...helped Quis secure the endorsement of President Obama.

... provide documented proof that my bottom is of sufficient girth to fill the senatorial seat of Ted Kennedy.

... anonymously mailed some veeeeeeeery incriminating photos to the Boston Globe in an attempt to derail a looming senatorial bid.

...opened the world's first internet daycare center TotNet. Just strap one of our specially designed web cams onto your little ones head and leave! It really is that simple! Our cert-o-fied childcare spec-o-lists will keep an eye on their every move. And thanks to the FUN-Jolt 3000 Optional Helmet Attachment, little Timmy or Cleome won't even think about getting into trouble while you're away!

...discovered that booze really does solve all of life's problems. Who knew?

...met a werewolf.

Wrote issues #37-76 of my Legion alternate timeline fanfics in record time, now all that's left is to post them. Guiness has contacted me because I set a new record for speed-writing.

...got my 2010 edition of the Guinness Book autographed by Stealth.

*Thanks, Cleome*

...met a bi-curious woman who reminds me of the adult Tasmia Mallor in looks and personality.

...used my new shape-shifting powers to pose as various insects and keep tabs on Stealth and her new friend.

Saw a blue woman being stalked by a beetle.

Saw a woman in blue stockings buy a beet -- oh wait wrong thread.

...saw silly Sally sitting on a silver see-saw sewing sacks of socks.

Read the transcript for the all-tongue-twister episode of Pinky and the Brain ("You Said A Mouseful") out loud and didn't flub a single line.

Learned Klingon.

...woke up feeling just terrific, thanks.

...went to work at CJ Taylor's World Of Omelets in the local shopping mall. It's too late this year to qualify for the Xmas Bonus, because you have to put in ninety days first. But December 2010? Look out!

helped introduce H.R. 2469 into the House Health and Human Services Committee. When passed and signed into law, it will require mandatory wearing of pantaloons, except by pyngwyns, me, and really hot guys at the gym.

...woke up at the break of dawn and took the world by storm!

... bench pressed 550.

...fixed my knee through the power of intention.

...had a great time with Lad Boy and the guys from the gym as we watched everyone else go by in their pantaloons.

... streaked through Boston Common.

Quote

Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.:
... streaked through Boston Common.

...took a photo of Quis streaking through the Boston Common! (now up for bid on eBay)

...visited Quis in jail after he was arrested for appearing in public without his pantaloons.

...look and feel better than ever before!

...woke up and found I had turned into a giant lobster.

...watched FC battle a giant flying turtle.

...bet it all on the lobster!

...was back to normal, and retired to my incredible steampunk workshop to make exotic Christmas gifts. (And made turtle soup for lunch.)

...got through the day without any painkillers.

...test piloted the TOP SECRET Boeing ??? Jet Airliner across North America. The left wing fell off over East Toledo (Kentucky?), but other than that, it handled pretty dang good (or in test pilot lingo, "she aced the yonder").

... ended my secret affair with Tiger Woods.

... started my secret affair with Rick Warren.

...am treating everyone on Legion World to lunch.

...took up Rocky on his offer and enjoyed a nice hearty soup.

...achieved full ambidexterity.

... had my maid clean up the mess from Christmas thereby allowing me to play Super Mario Bros Wii all day ...

... turned down Brad Pitt and George Clooney for a three-way.

...had a pity three-way with Brad
Pitt and George Clooney

...was instructed by my boss, Mr. George Clooney, to send one bottle of champagne (Krug 1990) and 4 dozen red, red roses to a Mr. Q of Boston, along with the following message:

"Please, reconsider
- George"

He also asked me to send a six pack of Old Style and a tin of Altoids to a Mr. L.Boy of Slutterville.

No message.

...moved to Slutterville.

...sold Rocky my old house in Slutterville.

...sighed over Mr. Clooney's affections for Mr. Q, realizing that he will never be mine.

... sent George Clooney a picture of myself in a hottub with Ernest Borgnine.

... won at Clue with the solution, "It was Ernest Borgnine... in the hottub... with a lawyer."

... having high tea with Queen Elizabeth II. I insisted Prince William be there.

...spent all of the January mortgage money on a "sure-fire rapid weight-loss 'system'" that I heard about on the radio last week.

...looked in the mirror and realized what an incredible resemblance I have to both George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

... discovered a loophole in my contract where I get another week of vacation to make up for the cold weather

...was brave enough to take a swim in Shark Lad's tank.

... marinated Lardi's bathing suit in pig's blood.

...loaned Quislet 200 bucks cash from my well-maintained LMB Emergency Fund.

...Entered one of my cats (Loki) into a cat fighting tournament. She's sharpening her claws as we speak.

...stepped on the scale for the first time in months to find that no only had I not gained an ounce, but also that I had actually lost three pounds!

...was doing laundry and found a whole bunch of dollar bills in my boyfriend's thong!

... put on my dress kilt for a formal party.

...brewed gin in the bathtub.

...failed an exam at college

...dunked on LeBron.

... made a really good pot of coffee.

... did the merengue and the cha-cha.

...worked my butt off.

... appeared on the O'Reilly Factor.

... drove home in my new car

... published my novel.

...won the lottery!

... got adopted by the lottery winning Stealth.

...resisted the siren call of the coconut cake in the Yuppiemart bakery cooler and had just plain tea for dessert-- because I'm virtuous like that.

...fired the siren I'd hired to lure the virtuous into my Bakery of Evil.

...found out (from an industry source preferring anonymity) that the real first arc in the new Legion comic will be titled, "Ram Boy's Bakery of <blink>Evil</blink>."

... won the Kill-This-Thread thread.

...handed Quis his trophy. It featured the Three Fates, painstakingly modeled out of tinfoil over old piano wire.

...won a competing lottery after Stealth did. And now we are set to become the worlds 2 new superpowers!

... convinced Lardi to invest heavily in my Nigerian Bank proposal.

...was easily suckered by Quis's investment opportunity as I am by all the internet spam and junk mail I get.

... only ate one brownie

...traded places w/Shark Lad. (mmmm... brownie...)

...worked on a new slogan to increase sales at my Bakery of <blink>Evil</blink>. Narrowed it down to -

- Evil Never Tasted So Sweet

- Mmmmm ... Pure Evil

or

- Even Our Cupcakes Have A Rap Sheet!

...worked on my competing evil bakery slogan:

"Evil: Tastes much better than chicken!"

...didn't totally feel like death on a soda cracker by 6:30 PM.

...stole the recipes from The Bakery of Evil.

...will finally emerge from my Kryptonian cocoon.

... finished packing for Vancouver. Look for me on the ski jump.

...knit Quis a fabulous Alpine sweater for his trip.

...buried a Batarang in the back of a particularly obnoxious customer.

... saw a 5% rise in my "discount Batarang's" stock.

...had phone sex with a telemarketer and switched auto insurers.

... began my GQ modeling career.

am not going to have the Sunday night blues ...

...had to say "Yes" to another excess.

...accurately dreamed the results of the AFC and NFC championships, proving my gift of precognition to the masses.

... signed up for ballroom dance lessons.

...took Quis dancing.

...gave Quis and deds their lessons.

... gave a lecture on applied astro-physics.

...used my Time Bubble to go ahead 11 1/2 years so I would be eligible for my pension.

...listened to a fascinating lecture on applied astro-physics that featured balloon animals, puppets and amazing impersonations.

...was cited for making obscene shapes out of balloons.

...had the world in a jug, and the stopper in my hand.

... worked on my all over tan at the beach.

...helped Quis with the suntan lotion.

...sent all my LMB "gentlemen friends" some sexy new designer beach wraps. Just in case.

...bought a coffee plantation.

... mated a giraffe with a kangaroo.

Bought a jump suit for people with abnormally long necks.

...stood on a street corner and handed out peanut butter sandwiches.

...took up residence in a villa on the Adriatic.

... partied with Sandra Day O'Connor and Jeane Kirkpatrick big 80's style

...started drinking at sunup, and will continue at least through lunchtime.

...grabbed my beer and headed to Cleome's place. PARTY!!!!

... decided to stop posting as the alt Cobalt Kid.

...submitted a new roller coaster design to Six Flags Great America called Tyroc: Scream of the Devil. You scream or you get your money back.

...kept on lookin' for a way to make it through the night, but I couldn't get it right.

... broke the news to Oprah that nobody gives a crap anymore

...felt a strong desire to explore the whole Twilight Saga phenomenon.

...brought my signed collection of Twilight movies and books to Lardi's house.

... hung out with the kids across the street and shared a 32 oz with 'em.

...finally put a restraining order on Tom Selleck after he had pursuing me for the last 22 years.

...adopted Tom Selleck's sentient mustache.

...made a fast twenty bucks notarizing Lardi's adoption papers.

...didn't post a link to Selleck Waterfalls Sandwich

...had Selleck challenge the adoption and sue for custody.

... was falsely accused of a crime I didn't commit. Now I must travel the country trying to find the real villain while involving myself in the lives of strangers.

... was stranded on a deserted tropic isle with six other castaways.

...am a physician/scientist searching for a way to tap into the hidden strengths that all humans have. Then an accidental overdose of gamma radiation interacts with my unique body chemistry. And now when I grow angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs.

..was walking down the street, minding my own business, when I saw some angry-looking guy suddenly changed into a rabbit.

...had no bloody idea what Lardi's previous post was referencing.

... broke down and finally got a cell phone

Shoveled snow.

...didn't sleep in.

...didn't have to scrape and scrub a disgusting batch of dishes because dishwashers do all that for me.

...reorganized the Gregorian calendar so it's more efficient. June 12th through June 23rd are now located between January 5th and 6th. August 9th has been replaced by August 9th 1/2, and I did away with February altogether so today is technically January 38th (but remember, tomorrow is May 63rd!).

Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it!

...scrapped Ram Boy's Revised Gregorian Calendar in favor of a new Legion World Calendar. Today is Cramerday, the 24th of Kent Shakespeare.

...with some relief, cancelled my plans for a May 63rd Day party and took Cramerday off.

...celebrated Cramerday with a large cappacino

...am mesmerized by the wonder of American football.

...watched the first-ever Super Bowl game to go into overtime.

...almost cleared 60,000 posts on Legion World.

...wondered who really did write the book of Love?

Second snow day in a row. Oh wait, I'm not imagining that.

...ordered 10 copies of the Rush Limbaugh comic book.

...threw a mojito party at my place beginning at midnight.

...leapt headlong through a hole in time ...

...hand in hand with deddy .

...became the Supreme Commander of the International Eric Violette Fan Club through pure determination and outright chutzpah!

[Linked Image]

We strike at dawn!

... performed with my A capella group.

...participated in a recreation of all of Tiger Woods' sexual dalliances.

...had my hair completely redone by Dean Salon.

...had all the hair on my body removed.

...learned how to shapeshift.

...got groped by my sofa

Uh, was it a red and purple sofa, deddy? (I've had dreams like that since returning to fandom. -cough-)

...couldn't decide what to do first with this fantastically colossal Unemployment check in my hand!

...had numerous prospective employers lining up at my door offering me lucrative dream jobs to lure me away from the one I have and pretty much hate.

...had Scott Bakula leap into me to set right what once went wrong.

...had the sexy evil leaper leap into me in an attempt to foil Scott Bakula's mission in Rocky's guise.

Won a ski jump gold.

... was walking down the street on my way to a party when a truckload of vikings offered me a ride. I accepted and we were now driving to Las Vegas, where I started playing the slot machines. I hit three cherries and cherries started coming out of the machine. Soon I was swimming in a pool of cherry Kool-ade. Finally, I woke up and turned to Ann Coulter and said "I just had the strangest dream.

...spoke with world renowned dream expert, Dr. Edwina Goodlay, about Quis' dream. Here's the breakdown -

walking down a street = sex
truckload of vikings = really good sex
Las Vegas = easy sex
slot machines = sleazy sex
three cherries = sex sex sex
Kool-ade swimming = wet, kinky sex
Ann Coulter = the opposite of sex

...had a date with Dr. Edwina Goodlay. Since then, she's been into horses.

Imagined I was a bird and flew far, far away.

... perfected my weather control machine. No more snow this year!

...will retire with a nice, fat pension and will never have to work a day in my life.

...made Rocky my personal Patron of the Arts.

...overtook Quis as Top Poster at LW.

... took falconry lessons from Fat Cramer

...invented a new kind of doughnut that is not only delicious and not fattening, but also actually good for you.

... wrote the next twelve issues of the Legion of Superheroes.

...quit my job and told my superiors to "Get Bent!"

...had my voice change back and became a soprano again.

...got my 8X10 glossies of Rocky in his new robe.

...have my eye on an Italian sports car (candy-apple red, of course) and some Ming Dynasty jade carvings.

...offered to trade cleo one of my Faberge eggs for one of her Ming Dynasty jade carvings.

...finally busted the Chanskoffetti Gang, notorious for dealing in fake "Ming Dynasty" jade carvings, "Fabegere" egg forgeries, and hot Italian "sports" cars.

...stayed one step ahead of the law by changing my surname to something a tad less... ethnic.

... was possessed by a demon.

...was utterly charmed by the endless cavalcade of winning customers at work today.

...started my trip up the Amazon river.

...used my Toshiba sewing machine to sew an entire spring wardrobe out of yellow and blue checked seersucker!

I'm gonna be the dapperiest dude ever!

...used "dapperiest" in conversation.

...decided that budgets are for sissies and went nuts with my Discover card.

...talked Cleome into buying me a canoe.

...sniffed a cat's ass.

...took over a small town in northern Ohio.

...completed a 3D package for sale on Daz3D

...bought $3.99 comics because I was so darn happy to be paying $4 for a comic book.

...actually felt like one of the DC back-ups was worth the additional $0.99

...actually went to a comic book store on Wednesday.

...asked a lot of long, boring questions about Lantern-mania, providing a distraction so Rocky and Cobie could both flirt with the CBS staff.

...held up a bank. Money problems are over...who needs a loan?

...revealed to everyone my job as a CIA / surgeon that often must perform surgeries in the field in helicopters and such.

...wrecked my wife's car. Good thing I robbed that bank yesterday!

...decided to run for the Senate.

...donated 450,000 gallons of high-fructose corn syrup to Dev Em's campaign.

...adopted seven of the Lindbergh baby clones.

...am going to fly to my Fortress of postatude!

...adopted Alan Moore's beard.

...am drunk off my, er, rear.

...adopted two more cats

... ran away and joined the circus.

...leaped from rooftop to rooftop singing "My Favorite Things".

...ate a Buick.

...rocked the casbah

...farted the Star Spangled Banner.

...persuaded Non Sequitor to light a match in the spot where Quis had been a moment ago. Non Sequitor go BOOM!

...had an awesomely terrific day.

...was reminded by one of Lardi's other comments that I never get grumpy with my spouse. Yep. I'm just that perfect.

is looking for the thread wondering about Cham statue being complete yet....needs help!!! Help!!

...keeled over dead from a beef overdose.

...fully expect to get a good night's sleep.

...constructed a Cobalt Kid statue

...constructed a statue of Alan Moore's beard (only the beard)!

...reluctantly crossed a picket line.

...am watching bootlegged first-run movies on my new plasma-screen, while drinking fine champagne and eating snails.

...Drove my brand new Vette off the lot.

...discovered what Dev is doing with his campaign funds!!

...decided all the candidates are lousy and wrote in the Sandler/Leno ticket instead.

...discovered that Deddy is stalking me.

...bought a Dodge Dart (forest green) just to display my campaign bumper sticker.

...am glued to the TV, watching basketball.

frolicked in a field of daisies

...had Sunday Brunch with Oprah, Cher, and Madonna.

...got a million-dollar arts grant from the CEO of a major insurance company.

...deleted all those posts on the internet where I said that CEOs of major insurance companies should all be lined up against a wall and shot. It took me sixteen hours, minus thirty minutes for lunch.

...went to Paraguay and saw Elvis and Ken Lay in a restaurant.

... went back in time and killed my grandfather when he was a baby.

...went to Uruguay and gorged myself on red meat.

...caught the roadrunner

...went to a spa for some pampering. In true LMB fashion, I opted for both the male and female masseuse.

ran a marathon...

...showed everybody what a real winner looks like.

...discovered that I am a Lindburgh baby clone.

...became the Privacy Commissioner of Canada, for life.

...tried on some pantaloons.

...Did the mexican hat dance. Then the Lambata!

...accompanied deddy's dances musically.

...did unscheduled performance art at a Peruvian restaurant.

... becan the lead feature of an award winning comic strip.

...didn't notice any confusing typos in Quis' previous post.

... stopped channeling Cobie.

...took over Rucka's Question back-up and gave it a point.

... released my Greatest Hits album.

...released my Greatest Tits album!

...was thankful that Lardy didn't release his greatest sh--'s album!

Quote

Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester:
...was thankful that Lardy didn't release his greatest sh--'s album!

To be released this summer!

...raised a fiercely devoted private army and took over a small tropical island.
Then I developed a superweapon and held the world at ransom (There may have been something about that on the news)
Then I got my ass kicked by some superhero/superspy type and I narrowly escaped while my island fortress blew up.

... encountered only nice, friendly, courteous people on the subway.

...poured myself a whiskey in my office and sat around while someone cooked me steak. And then said something brillant, got an extra bonus, and then it was decided all my days should be like this to increase the level of brillance!

...tried to take over the world!!!

...succeeded in taking over the world!

...accepted Rocky's offer to serve under him as High Priestess of Peanuts. There's even gonna be a Peanuts-themed cathedral!

...worshipped at the Peanuts cathedral and gave my confession to Woodstock.

...went on this really cool camping trip with some friends at the lake. We done lots of drugs and had some pre-matital sex. Then this crazy dude comes along and trys to kill us all, but we threw him in the lake and ran away.

...cruised around Legion World without encountering any poop-related humor.

...made my parents soooo proud!

...shaved my dog and told people she was a Hairless French Truffadoodle, a highly prized breed from the Normandy region of France, bred to sniff out truffles so that French kings could enjoy truffle&cheese casseroles.

...wanted a Truffadoodle!

...became King of the world.

...pissed a work of art in the dirt.

...got laser eye surgery and then cooked steaks with my new eyes

...reached a new peak in my overall net worth.

Quote

Originally posted by Dingleberry Damsel:
...accepted Rocky's offer to serve under him as High Priestess of Peanuts. There's even gonna be a Peanuts-themed cathedral!

Ya never know...

...let a wet fart.

...saw Officer Taylor coming out of a Mrs. Mannerhuff's Charm School for Gentlemen.

...played bingo with some little old ladies. I won all their money!!

...married a rich octogenarian.

...tried on Edie's nelly hat.

...became embroiled in an international spy saga via a case of mistaken identity!

...can kick back and just relaaaaaaaaax.

... am going hang gliding.

...woke up with a cat sitting on my face

...woke up with Tom Welling sitting on my...Oh, never mind.

...went on a top-secret mission to greenland. I spied on them. Troubling news LWers. They have an army of War-polar bears, and a navy consisting of Walrus`and Narwals. We must attack now!

...had lots and lots of casual sex!

... finished reading every book in the library.

...had lots and lots of casual sex while finishing every book in the library.

...started the Big Shots Prophylactic Company with 2 million dollars I found in my boyfriend's sock drawer.

...drank all the booze in western canada

...turned "Poo Poo Like a Choo Choo" into a multiplatinum hit single.

...sampled "Poo Poo Like a Choo Choo" heavily for my new dance hit "DJ R-Boi vs Lady Dingleberry Damsel"

...appeared in the music video for "DJ R-Boi vs. Lady Dingleberry Damsel" looking like Shirley Manson on acid.

...went on a date with Olivia Munn

...did over all my Barbies to look like Lady Gaga.

...finished filming a historical documentary that proves CONCLUSIVELY that John Adams and Adam Smith were actually the VERY same man.

It's titled "SILENCE! John Adams and Adam Smith Were One and The Same!"

...started a film documenting the Cobalt Kid pregnancy by father Ram Boy

...tuned in, turned on, and dropped out.

...got felt up thru my boob window.

...sewed myself a Lardy costume in plenty of time for Halloween '10.

...triplicated myself and discovered it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

... propositioned Ram Boy for a menage a quatre.

Posted my totally awesome YouTube footage of Ram Boy, Ram Boy, Quislet, and Ram Boy!

...de-triplicated myself after my mom called to yell at me because my YouTube video, co-starring Quislet, Esq. and myself and myself, got her kicked off the church committee.

Thanks a lot, cleome.

... ran the Boston Marathon and didn't cheat this time.

...wondered why Quis started referring to himself as Rosie Ruiz.

...replaced Dan Didio at DC.

Subscribed to the entire DC line. Paid cash.

fired my boss

...peeled out of my garage at 85 mph then drove up a RAMP at the end of the driveway and landed on the passenger side wheels! I then proceeded to drive like that all the way to work without spilling a drop of coffee (which was particularly strong this morning)!

... inherited $250 million.

...was bitten by a radioactive muskrat.

...am in the best mood that I think I have ever been in.

...hate all the activity my Roundtable thread's getting on Gym'll's.

... paid a visit to every single Legion Worlder in real life.

Invited Quis in for tea.

... helped Tiger Woods overcome his sex addiction.

got hired to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol next season.

wore a white wedding dress...

..became the new actor to play 'The Doctor' on Doctor Who.

...finished writing my fic, completely and totally on schedule.

... started a rival message board to Legion World.

...was the first to sign-up for Quis's new message board.

... gave away a special nelly hat to the first person to sign on my new message board.

...missed out on yet another opportunity to get a free nelly hat.

became a world famous Psychologist

...laid down on Matt's couch.

treated EDE for free!

...started getting paranoid.

... put the finishing touches on my plans for world domination.

...wrote the perfect pop song.

watched the entire Brady Bunch telelvision series

...took everyone on Legion World out to brunch at Milo's.

Stuffed myself with pancakes at Milo's.

can't wait to do laundry!

... had my plans for world domination ruined by someone putting the syrup pitcher on them.

Thwarted a rival...

...legally changed my name to Johnny Biggenhung.

...bought a mint copy of Action #1 at auction.

...smelled Outdoor Miner's copy of Action #1 and decided it smelled more like cloves.

... gave fencing lessons to Ruth Buzzi.

...am well-rested and ready for a night of non-stop partying!

...am taking cleome and Fanfic Lass to a 90-style rave!

... going nude sunbathing on Boston Common.

...surfed an epic wave, in a string bikini, of course.

*HIC* Watched a buncha kids viscoiuslyy mug a purple dinosaur... *HIC*

Flew to Paris and back to go shopping...

...reinvented the wheel, snagging the patent in the process.

...took a pleasant nap after work, uninterrupted by telemarketers, honking horns outside and/or brawling housecats.

... stopped the oil leak in the Gulf by plugging the hole with BP executives, Goldman Sachs executives, and other big bank executives. Used their bonuses to fund schools, road repair, and job creation.

...presented Quislet, Esq. with the Earth's Choice Humanitarian of the Decade award for his noteworthy actions.

...married the number 14.

...consoled Elizabeth Taylor at having her record broken by Rockhopper Lad.

...wondered if allowing people to marry abstract objects like numbers would inevitably lead to people marrying *gasp* fictional characters.

...went to Tiffany's and bought Rocky and 14 a SILVER Cheese Planer using the Bonus Tiffany Points I earned by posting to this very thread.

I did not fantasize about seeing nude pics of Ram Boy, Lash and Rhino

I did not kill this thread

...ran faster than a speeding bullet.

built an igloo

...built an igloo faster than a speeding bullet, while not killing this thread.

...can't believe how much work I'm getting done!

... came up with a truly original idea.

woke up feeling great

...decided on that lime-green Italian sportscar as my birthday gift to myself. Do you all think purple and yellow flames painted on the sides would be too garish?

Quote

Originally posted by cleome:
Do you all think purple and yellow flames painted on the sides would be too garish?

Of course not....if you were James Dean about to drag race Dennis Hopper in hell while the ghost of Jayne Mansfield sprinkled both of you with flaming fairy dust and Satan stood by farting glitter bombs across the finish line.

... got some work done

... donated to the Goldman Sachs Relief Fund.

...sold Ram Boy's "Hell's Raceway" script to Roger Corman. The movie should be out no later than next Thursday. I've already netted us enough profit from preliminary sales to buy a package of whole-grain hot dog buns and a large tub of laundry soap.

Corman just finished filming.

...watched it rain marshmallows, which was sort of pretty, but a mess to rake up.

...began work on my second script, "Hell's Raceway II: The Marshmallow Monsoon!"

It's based on a true story.

...saw a peaceful world.

... caught a leprechaun. His pot of gold turned out to be full of foil wrapped chocolate coins. Not that I minded.

...bask in the afterglow.

...was payed by cleome to follow her around pointing a flashlight at her butt.

... finished my blistering expose on the lives of message board posters.

... sued Quislet, Esq. for defamation of character.

...sold my house

...bought ded's house with the money I made suing Quis for defamation of character.

...laughed all the way to the bank

...broke into the "classic rock" radio station and smacked their "wacky morning DJs" soundly in their heads with a large fish-- repeatedly until they fell down crying; while I castigated them on the air for NOT BEING FUNNY!!!

Grateful staff hustled me out of there before the cops showed up. I am now hero to millions of listeners all over the region.

Tonight, we hold a celebratory fish fry.

... was stalked by three strangers in masks

... found my evil twin. He not such a bad guy actually.

...pretended to be Quis's evil twin.

Which is a fairly evil thing to do if you think about it.

Joined AC/DC as their lead bagpipe player.

(And I thought I was being Evil.)

...set in motion a series of unstoppable events that will lead to a humungous Air Supply nostalgia craze.

...was inspired by an unlikley source...

...wrestled a bear once.

...have more money than a sane person could possibly spend in a day.

... woke up next to [Linked Image]

... acquired the ability to communicate with trees.

...woke up having magically become twenty years younger overnight, and looking exactly like

...joined Cramer in a duet of "I Talk to the Trees".

...gave Rocky and Cramer's performance a glowing review on my blog.

... jetted to Rome for lunch. Then off to San Francisco for a hot date.

...stashed the loot at my secret base on Jupiter.

...won at life.

...was informed that Lard Lad and Shadowplay had a one-night stand back in the earliest days of the LMB which I don't remember because she had regrets and mindwiped me.

...needed a mindwipe after reading the above.

...co-starred as Synergy in the live-action revival of "Jem" starring Legion World's own Tempest.

...sincerely believe that "Jem" was truly, truly outrageous.

...launched a competing grunge-era version with Courtney Love as Jem.

...just signed legislation that outlaws telemarketers forever. We start bombing in five minutes.

Joined Kent's brigade with Jennifer Warnes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnsB6VBznBA&feature=related

decided that I want to rule the world...

...decided to step aside and let Matt take a shot at ruling the world.

...decided to provide beer and sandwiches if Minor will become my advisor

...agreed to join on if I can get a case of Malbecs every month.

...pretends to know what Malbecs are

...am not sad.

...continue, thanks to my magical rejuvenating transformation from a few days ago, to look exactly like

...go visit Fanfic Lass for some tips on magical rejuvenation.

love the idea of going back to work

...called in sick to work, cranked up the fan, and went back to bed.

...got up really early.

...painted the town chartreuse.

... am 30 years old, with red hair!

...got up really late!

...accomplished nothing for a change!

...walked without hobbling!

...recalculated the Hindenburg Omen's formula based SOLELY on the performance of Starbuck's stock and ASTROLOGY!

...hired Dishman to be on call in Exnihil's neighborhood for the next week; thus solving at least one of the latter's current problems.

... went back to the gym

...Owned the MMB!

...took back the MMB in a hostile takeover.

... stumped the panel on What's My Line.

...was on the panel Quis stumped. I sat between Dorothy and Arlene.

...was the gorgeous blonde gal with perfect teeth on the TV. I wore a spangly short dress while I pointed at the brand-new sports car that was today's game show prize.

...won the lottery for the fifth week in a row.

...was given a free hybrid car.

... gave a free concert with my accordian.

... cursed the scalper I paid 50 bucks for a ticket to Quis's concert

...got a scalp message from the world's premier scalp masseuse, Otto Von Tingle.

...got my fabulous start-up off the ground. Decided to hire CT and his spouse. Our write-up on the front page of Friday's WSJ is lookin' GOOD!

...handed out money to everybody, just for the fun of it.

... successfully pulled of a bank robbery.

...found out that Quis shot the deputy, not the sheriff.

...went in to get my new driver's license and Mario Testino, who was the guest photographer at the BMV, posed me nude atop a Mercedes-Benz and then he kept yelling at me to make love to the camera but, when I didn't do it right, he threw his camera bag at me and said he never ever wants to work with me again!

...read the new Brave and Bold adventures of Chief Taylor and Chief Parker.

... got the copyright to the word "the". Everytime you use the word "the" you owe me a nickel.

...typed "___quick brown fox jumped over ___ lazy dog."

I'm on a tight budget again this week.

...started using bite-me-Quis phrase "bite-me-Quis" in place of bite-me-Quis word "bite-me-Quis".

I'm sticking it to bite-me-Quis Man!

...Officially banned pants from the house.

... saved a ton of money on car insurance

... finally figured out how to make the world a perfect place where there are no wars, no famine, no disease, no global warming, no endangered species. All we have to do is....wait is that the time? Project Runway is almost on. I hope I don't forget this while watching the show.

...handed the pharmacist my prescription and yelled "STAT!".

...tried out for the Laff-A-Lympics. I think there's a spot on the Yogi Yahooeys.

...celebrated Dag Hammerskold Day at the Swedish Embassy.

...convinced Keith Giffen to become an American Idol judge.

...learned to stop worrying and love the "classic rock" barrage at the warehouse like a good worker ant should.

...read the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe

...went back in time and became Elvis Presley's manager.

...was cast as the new school librarian on Glee.

...grew a pair of wings.

...had A.L. fly me around running errands.

... succeeded in my experiments to make the world's first pickle flavored ice cream.

...plan on repeating all of yesterday's insane overindulgences, just because.

...am the King of the World.

...cleansed the world of the scourge of Honey Baked Hams.

Quote

Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.:
... succeeded in my experiments to make the world's first pickle flavored ice cream.

... developed an unsightly rash after sampling Quis' creation

...became double-jointed.

... entered into my fantasy world. Good bye reality! Hello new reality!

...trained my cockatiel, Margot Kidder Jr, to say "I taught myself to live simply and wisely, to look at the sky and pray to God, and to wander long before evening to tire my superfluous worries. When the burdocks rustle in the ravine and the yellow-red rowanberry cluster droops I compose happy verses about life's decay, decay and beauty. I come back. The fluffy cat licks my palm, purrs so sweetly and the fire flares bright on the saw-mill turret by the lake. Only the cry of a stork landing on the roof occasionally breaks the silence. If you knock on my door I may not even hear."

...have taken to heart our Vice President's stern instructions to "stop whining!" What a great guy! I can't wait to send his party all my money!

... called the UFC, and have arranged for Biden vs. Cheney at the next Pay per View.

...told him he can't plant me in his penthouse. I'm goin' back to my plow.

have a pain-free ankle.

... worked out in the nude at my gym.

...didn't have an annoying day at work at ALL!

...composed eleven waltzes for Twyla Tharp

... was named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive 2010.

... announced my campaign for president in 2012. Donations welcome.

...started working on Quis' campaign speeches. Getting "nosferatu" into the economic platform stuff much easier than expected.

... fired Outdoor Miner as my speech writer for not being anti-tomato enough. Being Pro-tomato or Anti-tomato is the litmus test of my campaign.

...announced my candidacy for President on a pro-tomato, pro-lemur, pro-Nosferatu platform.

...became a fair and unbiased obverser of the Quiz campaign for Fox News.

...got an autographed picture of Bob Uruguay.

...proved my patriotism by purchasing a controlling interest in all of 2012's candidates for high office.

...watched a fair, unbiased and SHOCKING expose about Quislet, Esq. on Fox News. (he needs to release his birth certificate and PROVE he wasn't born in Uruguay!)

...went on an Epic Quest.

...made the final decision on where I stood in the Ultimate Battle Between Good & Evil.

...threw my lot in with OM's team, in exchange for some Tastykake Krimpets and a new box of swivel knife blades.

...finally saw the ghost of Elvis Presley at my local Wal-Mart.

...pefected my Elvis Presley Hologram Generator.

...went outside with my vampire buddies Tadd, Tobi and Dustin, where we sparkled gaily in the autumn sunlight.

...posed for the new Statue of Liberty.

...bought the old Statue of Liberty and put it out in the garden next to my gnomes.

... I composed a new poem.

Give me your tired, your thirsty
Your lethargic masses yearning to be more energetic,
The unsatisfied customers of other coffee shops
Send these, the upwardly mobile office working to me
I lift my coffee pot beside the almond biscotto.

...had to stop working on my Halloween vampire gnome costume when my sparkle budget was temporarily exhausted.

... turned down a role in "Legion of Super-Heroes the Movie"

...opted not to direct "Legion of Super-Heroes: The Movie", after Sharky left and Megan Fox was cast as Tinya.

...am disappointed that Megan Fox is playing Tinya rather than my first choice, Sharklad.

...vowed to boycott the new LSH movie until Sharklad is recast as R.J. Brande.

... nominated Sharklad for Deputy Leader of the 'LSH The Movie'.

... called my good friend Glenn Beck and told him to knock it off.

... fired my agent for bad career advice

...turned down yet another chance to direct the Legion movie after Sharklad's ex-agent got Glenn Beck the role of Braniac 5.

...can't wait to pick up LSH #6! Also cannot wait to read the Jimenez drawn Legion Academy back up as well!

... felt well enough to get out of bed and drive to the CBS

... have decided that my first act as supreme dictator of the Earth will be to have all the real housewives, A-list (that's the gay version of real housewives), the Kardashians, the Hills, Jersey shores, and all other reality shows of this type be taken to the middle of the jungle in the Congo and left there with just the clothes on their backs. I am not sure if I should have it filmed or not.

...had no trouble at all reining in my temper. Nope. None.

...bought a condo near the Nexus of All Realities. Vacation options now increased exponentially.

decided that clowns are good and kind

...bought a giraffe.

took a walk without stepping in goose poop.

... counted all the stores that sell Halloween costumes.

... married this guy

...sent Quis a surf board.

...didn't have a cow, man.

...broke my nose.

... threw a tea party

... just woke up!

...realized that two of my recent posts in Legion World are about poop. Now three.

.. moved to Washington DC. My new residence is a nice townhouse in Georgetown. My new job is fairly easy and pays well.

...replaced Congress with a local troop of Girl Scouts. Free cookies for everyone!

... gave strategic instuction to all Canadian geese about which prominant American cities to invade.

...watched with relief as write-in candidates, with no political affiliation, swept the U.S. mid-term elections.

... ate too much pizza again, and as luck would have it, we're all out of extra-strength Tums ... again!

...voted six times each in eight different states, thanks to my Diebold friends.

...wrote in The Sid to be County Treasurer. I figured that my erstwhile comrades in civil service could use a good laugh.

... rejected by the Legion of Substitute Heroes.

....won the World Shuffleboard Tournament.

... packed for Boston and New York.

... set up Lar Gand and Tasmia Mallor on a blind date.

...found a bag of money on the street. Adventure awaits as it's owners come looking.

...was extremely productive, working weeks ahead on my various projects.

... took care of my Mongolian foot rot.

...didn't stray from my diet.

... have to try again to sign up for those hard-to-get archery lessons given by Lady Gaga.

...was awakened with sexual foreplay.

...found six impossible things.

...found out that my wife found a job.

...told my goody two-shoes stepdaughter that she needed a hobby then locked her in a tower with a spindle and a grumpy dwarf. She'll thank me later.

HAHAHAHAHA!

...sold my pilot for a show about message board posters to the CW.

...wrote a fanfic in which Quis sold a pilot for a show about message board posters to the CW.

...dreamt I not only had super powers but that they were writing my life story in a comic book.

...tried out for the role of Rockhopper Lad on the new CW show Quislet World and was told I came off as too unapproachable and moody. The good news is that they're now considering me for the role of Outdoor Miner.

... heard from my agent that they finally came to their senses over there at the Smallville production office and decided to cast me as Jo Nah AKA Ultra Boy in an upcoming episode.
I spend the entire espisode walking around Smallville (with my UB costume under my clothes) acting like I know Clark until he finally uses his powers to "get a better look" at who I am. Eeek!

...didn't care at all that I just claimed post 1000 of this thread because I'm no milestone whore.

... finalized my plans to kidnap Chief Taylor and take him to Comic Con.

...smuggled Chief Taylor to freedom in Somalia, so he can live out his days without abductions or comic cons.

Realized there will be NO flying cars in my lifetime.. (SIGH)

...won the lottery. again.

It's starting to get boring, it happens so often.

...am living the High Life in everyone's dream getaway, Somalia.

... was chosen to be the voice of Darth Vader for yet another new Star Wars cartoon (oh sorry, animated series).

...reminded future king that Darth Vader is from the planet Vulcan.

... believed everything Chief Tay-LASH had to say, and still do!

...haven't a care in the world!

... wish I could ditto cLSHeome's comment about not having a care in the world! LOL

...found a snake in my boots.

...discovered a new isotope of bananas.

... finished translating the collected works of Jacqueline Susann into Esperanto.

... learned the hard way that a water moccasin is not a Native American fashion statement. Ouch!

...ate healthy.

...didn't blow over $40 on comic books.

... got a call from Cosmic Boy this morning and I'm needed in the 31st century, again!

...found a cool million under my mattress I'd forgotten I'd stashed there, then applied for food stamps anyway.

... am having lunch with Michelle Obama.

...was not awakened from a sound sleep by rampaging housecats who wanted their breakfast at 4AM.

...introduced the Great Bobbleheads of Legion World Collection on my site, GreatBobbleheadsof.com, and within minutes we sold out of MLLASHes and cleomeses. The kissing Kents and Quises are another story.

see the elegant nuances of The Space Circus of Death storyline from Superboy and the Legion of Super Heroes 260 and 261

... designed a full line of Legion Of SuperHeroes bathing suits, just in time to coincide with the summer Euro line.

...won Finland in a game of poker.

...am blowing off all my chores and going back to bed.

...didn't peek before I flushed.

... was abducted by aliens and they you know what me.

... told the people at Quislet, Esq's work to stop drugging his coffee.

...outed myself to the general public as a vengeance-thirsting Durlan assassin.

Held a moment of silence for one Kimball Zendak rest in peace Chief........

Now back to live action.

Rested in peace.

Found me a piece. (ba dum dum).

Invented spacherhammen.

... bought that beach house in Tahiti.

...sent my wife to work hungry

...consolidated the USA into nine states. I now live New Arkantexahomadotah.

... contacted Marvel Comics and talked them into resurrecting Nightcrawler.

They said they would be ok with it but only if I could guaranty that this would boost the sagging sales of their existing 10,000 bland, X-Men related titles.
Otherwise they will wait their usual 2.5 years before bringing him back from the "dead".

I respectfully declined.

Finished my script combining "The Time Tunnel, Wild Wild West, Dr Who and Alias Smith and Jones." Get ready for "6 West Guys A TunnelingTardis and A Who".

.... arranged a mass turkey escape.

... was almost killed trying to avoid 900 crazed, stampeding turkeys.

...take a breather from worrying about money.

...crossbred a Kill This Thread with a Non-Sequitor Thread and blew up the universe!

D'oh!

Stood in my back yard soaking up the yellow sun rays and floated 10 feet off the ground. At this rate I should be flying by the time I'm 50.

... was very proud of my troop of Boy Spies of America. They all earned their Assassination and Seduction badges.

...caught lightnin' in a jar.

...became a Double Time Trapper. Nothin' to it.

...picked fresh strawberries from my amazing aquaponics greenhouse.

... wished I knew what becoming a "Double Time Trapper" meant.

...explained that "Double Time Trapper" is a profoundly perverse sexual euphemism.

...knew there was no way the Chief would ever lie about something like that.

... questioned the state of a universe where sex and the Time Trapper were somehow connected!

...found this awesome new book at an online bookstore: Chief Lardy's Deluxe Guide To Getting & Keeping The Mate Of Your Dreams. Decided to send copies of same to everyone on my gift list!

...concocted a killer dessert and called it "Double Time Trapper".

Wondered what the difference between a Double Time Trapper and a Rusty Venture is?

...got my hands on this book , too! (And without selling any of my organs! Yay!)

... went back in time and re-invented the snow tire but this time with nice rims already attached.

...had to dig snow out of the driveway as usual.

...got to eat my lunch in peace for the first time in ages.

...ate Cobie's lunch as he soaked in the peace!

...now hungry and relaxed, made my way down to Legion World's Red Light District.

...will have the team from Architectural Digest here to photograph the house and grounds.

... applied for Legion membership but was denied as my power is not a natural one but based on sugar intake.

...kicked the cats out till they got a job.

... started a business where cats were the dominating work force, for fear of them not being able to return to their homes (owned by tyrannical cat owners).

... was visited by three ghosts who tried to show me the true meaning of Christmas.

...was about to commit suicide, but then my guardian angel showed me what the world would have been like had I never existed.

...got my spouse a gig proving in a court of law that this dude we met last week is really THE Kris Kringle.

...trained my abominable snowman, Abominable Snowman, to sing and tap dance.

...learned the true meaning of Christmas from a friend while I was trying to direct a Christmas play. Then I went home to find out my dog had won first prize in the neighborhood lights and display contest.

...parlayed my horribly disfigured nose into a gig flying lead on some old guys sleigh once a year.

... got a job councelling on the Island of Misfit Toys.

...fed Herschel, Moishe, Shlomo, and the other livestock before heading off to my day job.

...shovelled my driveway

... got into a sword fight with Rush Limbaugh and at a crucial moment, he said "Quislet, I am your father!"

... watched that father/son sword fight on my alternate reality television set, and it was really touching!

Was awaken by the Luck Lords, who told me to go to a convenience store buy a lottery ticket and wait for my luck to change

... flung some feces at the wall after someone stole my banana

...exchanged bodies with my dog, and proceeded to eat the wool carpet. It really is quite tasty!

...destroyed every existing copy of every Nirvana album ever released!

Called my Congressman and demanded he draft legislation banning Zagnuts.

Sent a delicious marzipan bust of myself to every member of Legion World.

Now when I say bite me, you can!

... checked with Santa Claus and, yup I was right, I'm NOT getting a present again this year due to the whole naughty thing that happened a few months ago ...

...wondered what's been the point of my lifetime of virtue and niceness, given that Santa never visits my place anyway.

...was so upset by Santa's treatment of future king and cleome that I FIRED him and began searching for a suitable replacement!

[Linked Image]

It's gonna be a tough decision. #3 (Trevor Kringle) has the traditional look down pat, but #7 (Raoul Kringle) sure does look Merry. He's also the only one who showed up with a beard (sort of).

I think I'm gonna save #8 (Butch Kringle) for when I fire Cupid.

I'm surprised you don't just fire all the reindeer now and have those guys pull your sleigh.

Quote

Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester:
I'm surprised you don't just fire all the reindeer now and have those guys pull your sleigh.

Thats the job for the "losers"

... just got back from the North Pole. I had to stay overnight as I was partying a bit too much with Santa and all the elves.

...had tea and petis fours with Ram Boy and his Legion of Kringles.

... remodeled my basement

...wanna put on....mymymymymy Boogie Shoes (DUH-nuh)...and boogie with you! (DUH-nuh)

... wanna get down tonight, pu pu pum, get down tonight! Do a little dance....

... met the love of my life.

... went to Macy's to buy Quis something off of his registry

...saw a flying lemur holding a tomato.

...found a lion & a witch in my wardrobe.

...speed-read all the books on my To Read list.

Quote

Originally posted by Rockhopper Lad:
...saw a flying lemur holding a tomato.

... took that same hit of acid as RL. Only this time the lemur was hold me! Eeek!!

...saw a flying tomato holding a lemur.

Quote

Originally posted by SharkLad:
... went to Macy's to buy Quis something off of his registry

I am only registered at Tiffany's.

...had Breakfast at Tiffany's with Quiz. I had a spinach&cheese frittata. He had a diamond necklace and a matching tiara.

...took Quis to the dentist after he tried to eat a diamond necklace.

...sent Quis that $5 Mal-Wart gift cert that I failed to unload on craigslist this week.

...lovingly Naired cleome's hobbit feet.

... woke up in one year but will probably fall asleep in another.

Will spend all day trying to get this dang Flight Ring to work, wish me luck...

Quote

Originally posted by Chief Lardy:
...lovingly Naired cleome's hobbit feet.

Did up the Chief's feet in a lovely electric blue nail polish with neon purple glitter. Red rhinestones on each big toe, of course.

His wife's gonna' be soooooo surprised the next time he takes off his shoes!

...had a pedicure. They buffed my webbing beautifully.

Quote

Originally posted by cleome:

Quote

Originally posted by Chief Lardy:
[b] ...lovingly Naired cleome's hobbit feet.

Did up the Chief's feet in a lovely electric blue nail polish with neon purple glitter. Red rhinestones on each big toe, of course.

His wife's gonna' be soooooo surprised the next time he takes off his shoes![/b]

She's often threatened to do pretty much that to me...that and shave my chest.

... finally got time to go in reverse.

...saved time in a bottle.

... and my wife are going to my in-laws for lunch and then my parents at night for dinner.
More food!!!

... ate pancakes with the actual Aunt Jemima

...had the day off, as I do all holidays working in retail.

... greeted Chief Lardy on his day off. (Hi Lardy!)

... am going to split into two people, one to go into work 'cause someone's called in sick, and the other so I can do the things for myself that I had planned to do today.

...grew a second weiner.

... hired Lardy for the porn movie I'm about to shoot, "Double XL"

...got the French's Mustard company a lucrative product placement deal in Sharky's new movie.

...decided to be the first in line to see Sharky's new porn movie. I'm a huge fan of clever product placement after all.

... flew my Leer jet up to Nova Scotia to see a total eclipse of the sun.

... have a meeting with Stan Lee. It seems he wants me to star in the next Marvel Comics movie.

You too Future King? Well may the best man win..

... successfully mastered the accordion.

... left a swath of death and destruction in my wake.

...grew a third weiner for the sequel "Triple XL".

... mortgaged my house to secure financing for my latest six-part porn epic starring Lardy's ever-expanding mighty members...

... actually have to clean about 10 centimeters of snow off my car!

...was dancing in the street.

Mistakenly did a "Indian Snow Dance" instead of "The Bring Warmer Weather Dance". Oooopppsss!

Joined Post Whores Anonymous under an alias!

(psst, it's Posty D'urbervilles)

... had to stay home because of all the snow

...am working on the fourth weiner.

... succeeded in obliterating all knowledge of Alfred Hunter from all of history. "Who is Alfred Hunter?" you ask? You don't want to know. Just thank me for erasing his existence.

... called in sick to work because I thought I'd stay home and work on a new 'reputation re-acclamation' campain for Shadow Lass.

Quote

Originally posted by SharkLad:
... mortgaged my house to secure financing for my latest six-part porn epic starring Lardy's ever-expanding mighty members...

...sent Sharky his big, fat check from the agency that pitches Grey Poupon. This should be an even more lucrative product placement than the last one!

... am going to stay home and tend my singed wings. I flew too close to the sun again yesterday.

...auditioned for Degrassi: The Next Generation and landed the coveted role of Ryker Dylan, the party boy senior whose been held back 15 years! I have two lines of dialogue in my first episode-

"Hey, everybody, where's the party?!"

and

"It sucks that she dumped you like that, man. Here, have some booze and cocaine."

... solved for x.

... won the lottery yesterday so I'm going shopping for a new, um ... EVERYTHING this afternoon.

...hired a handsome, muscular, shirtless manservant to...help me around the house.

... booked a flight to Texas to help Rocky find things for his new "personal assistant" to do

...hired someone to fart for me, so I don't have to.

... have to count all my vast millions and decide which paradise vacation I should go on.

... sky dived - naked.

...picked up my instructions from the drop.

...asked Kent to spend two weeks in Maui with me. All expenses paid. That should get everyone's tongues wagging around here!

... frollicked in the snow.

... walked for miles and miles in the snow using my morphing snowshoe rabbit-like feet.

...worked on my weather modification machine. Almost ready!

...was at a hardware store and watched as a cackling mad scientist demanded to know why they didn't carry fractual combobulators!

...called in sick and borrowed Rocky's manservant for the day.

Click Here For A SpoilerThe garage and the pantry were both in an impossible condition and SOMETHING had to be done! Tsk.

Took my kid for minor surgery. He's fine.

... didn't like the way my horns and spiked tail looked so I traded them in for a pair of wings and a halo.
I know, I know .... awwwwwww!!!

...had all the answers.

... am able to sunbathe in my backyard due to the fact that it's so warm outside!

... am putting the final touches to my Golden Globe acceptance speech for my nomination as Best Actor in a Bollywood musical

...finished every fanfic I ever left incomplete.

... had a nice luncheon date with Glenn Beck.

...was sunbathing with Future King.

... won't have to wear extra warm gloves and a touque today since it's going to be somewhere around -19 degrees C with the windchill!

...built a perpetual motion machine.

...got plastic surgery so I could look just like my long-time idol: Pat Boone!

...ran a marathon.

... benchpressed a whopping 600lbs!

...admired future king flexing

...broke out the ol' magic kit and sawed my assistant, the lovely DeeDee Desiree, right in half. I then reattached her and turned her into a big, scary chicken-woman before I sent her to another dimension via the Box of 10,001 Mysteries.

I imagine she's gonna want a raise when she gets back.

...saw Colonel Sanders chasing DeeDee Desiree. He had a Fryolater and eleven herbs and spices standing by.

...legally changed my last name to "Fryolater."

...found my soul-mate & tragically lost her in a Tilt-A-Whirl accident.

... left for my Egyptian vacation.

...ate bacon.

...lounged on the couch in front of my brand-new big-screen set. I watched live news footage of Quis helping a band of righteously angry students tip over a burning cop car, while I munched on an awesome slice of bacon quiche that Rocky insisted I take home after his drinks party.

...was jubilant beyond words.

... fulfilled my destiny as the lost heir to the throne of Atlantis

... must close down Camelot castle, for the annual winter renovations.

...am financially solvent.

...motted the hoople.

... cooked Apricot and Honey Stuffed Mackerel for my formal candlelight supper.

...blessed Quis' mackerel, which makes it holy.

...swam across the English Channel.

...sprouted antennae.

... have decided to walk to Florida instead of drive or fly.
It's too damn cold up here!

...was named one of Out Magazine's 100 most eligible gay bachelors.

...won every conceivable show business award for just being ME.

... was named one of Out Magazine's 100 most fashionable gay shark-like creatures

...became friends with Fin Fang Foom. He's a really nice kaiju, he's just misunderstood.

... answered an ad on Craigslist only to find out the other guy was Rick Warren.

... will finally organize all of my 1,594,618 comics and properly bag them all at the same time.

...taught my cat to use the toilet.

... taught my cat to fill in for me at work.
Just in case ...

... filed a restraining order against Flo Rida

... filed a restraining order against Gisele Bundchen. What can I say, she wants me.

...acquired pirated downloads of every comic book ever published.

... cracked the code for Colonel Sander's secret recipe... I never would have guessed gila monster saliva

... figured out how they get the caramel inside the Caramilk bars.

...put eight great tomatoes in a little bitty can...

Click Here For A Spoiler...and left them gift-wrapped on Quislet, Esq.'s front porch as a prank.

...auditioned for a role in an upcoming Broadway revival of The King and I.

...can't believe how many important tasks I've accomplished prior to the clock striking One!

... joined the glee club... of space!

...ran around the world...in a Flash!

... flashed the world

...cooked a turkey then ate the whole thing!

... wrote a fan letter to Justin Bieber and Seina Gomez, telling them how much I approve of their union.

... launched a quest to find out who actually did put the bomp in the bomp, bomp, bomp

...climbed every mountain.

... waved my magic wand and made all the stupid snow outside disappear!

.... restored the space time continuum.

...discovered the heretofore unknown absorbent qualities of watercress.

... invented the next big thing. I hope it sells better than the next little thing I invented last year.

...invested in Quislet's next big thing.

... bought one of Quis's little things and realized it's actually quite nice.

... followed a talking rabbit with a pocket watch down a hole in my backyard and ended up in Newark, NJ

... had a showing of my artwork at the Gardner Museum.

... drunk dialed Oprah only to have her get President Obama to exile me to Togo

...went to the Unemployment office for another merry round of pointless humiliation, instead of blowing off the pain for one more day so I could stay home and do art-related things.

...legalized my lows
Wore my summer clothes
into New Orleans...

Went to the gym...

...was cast in a role on One Life to Live.

... had chocolate cake for breakfast.

...took a long nap.

...have nothing consequential on my mind at all, and thus nothing at all to do.

...bought a solid gold telephone pole.

Quote

Originally posted by Rockhopper Lad:
...bought a solid gold telephone pole.

...rented out my solid gold telephone pole for use in maypole dancing.

...held a seance and conversed with the spirit of William Henry Harrison.

... surf the wild woods on my barcolounger that was converted into a unmobious chair, infused with the power of one thousand virgins from the hollywood machine.

...opened an authentic Viennese coffee shop and bakery.

...bought a strudel at Cleome's Viennese bakery.

... am a man!

...found out Quislet, Esq. was moonlighting as a cellist in the legendary group 101 Strings!

...won 15 million dollars in the lottery.

...lost track of thyme.

...don't feel the slightest urge to fake my own death in lieu of undergoing yet another job interview.

...built a death ray.

Decided that Ruler of the Universe has a nice ring to it.

...lived happily ever after.

...met Julie Andrews for lunch.

...updated my IMDB profile.

Cashed that check I wrote myself for 1 million dollars...hope it doesn't bounce.

...bought a condo at 123 Sesame Street. I'll live right above Bert and Ernie.

...used my godlike powers of biscuit-making to re-create the scene below for hungry people all over the world!

... enjoyed many, many of cleome's bisquits

...practiced my karaoke version of "Harvey The Wonder Hamster" for the big contest at the Tiki bar tomorrow night!

... went for swim in my backyard, because it was so warm today.

...had the landscapers put in that Italian marble Koi pond and fountain that I've always wanted.

... retired

... got a job surfing the internet. The pay is $75k a year, health insurance fully paid for, 5 weeks vacation, and a fully vested retirement plan.

...hung out at the gym with Quis. He was embarrassed when I hooted at the towel boys and tipped over the vending machine in my search for a free energy drink, but I expect he'll get over it.

...found a hot boy that wasn't a pervert.

...discovered the meaning of life.

...looked up "life" in the dictionary to find out what Fanfic Lady knows.

... wished Dev Em a Happy Birthday!

Broke 7000 posts on legionworld!

... filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against Bill Gates.

...sat on my ass because of the rain.

.... imagined what my life would be like if I went into the Adult Movie industry....

will break 7200 posts.

... plan on having a nice relaxing Sunday off work (since I only had to work the last 8 Sundays in a row). This IS the "imaginary" version isn't it?

*sigh*

... did all of the work I brought home on Friday

...landed that job I spent four-plus hours applying for last Friday.

Wonderful news, cleome!

But why is all my good news only happening in a parallel universe-thread, Professor?

... skipped lunch. The extra half an hour allowed me to develope an inexpensive non-polluting energy source.

... won a paintball tournament

... made some wonderful new friends!

landed a job as Donald Trump's PR guy

...treat Mom to some caviar and vintage champagne.

... Flew around in my superhero costume just to see if anyone would notice.

...wrote an opera.

... wrote the pilot script for a new prime-time sitcom featuring various members from Legion World!

...realized that sorting and shelving fan belts eight hours a day is the dream job I've waited for all these years!

...placed an order for <blink>12</blink> #1 Justin Bieber Fan belt buckles!

... ran out and bought every last copy of Jennifer Lopez's new alb.......... oh who am I kidding? I can't even finish my thought without cracking up!!

...enrolled future king in the Jennifer Lopez Automatic Download of the Day Club.

...married Ultra Boy.

...gasped in horror as the slugfest between Rocky and Tinya turned ugly.

...wiped the floor with Tinya.

... got a mohawk

...hung around outside the elementary schoolyards of America, passing out promotional flight rings to our youth.

Click Here For A SpoilerNot only did DC not thank or comp me for doing their legwork, they disavowed all knowledge of my actions when somebody's parent called the cops! Grrr...

...thought about you and touched my self. I don't want anybody else, oh no...

(Oh, wait, imaginary thread... MY bad...)

(Jeez. Buy a dude one pint of ice cream and suddenly he starts getting all kinds of weird ideas... Tsk.)

...started following Rep Weiner on Twitter.

... received a lewd photo from Mitt Romney

... won the lottery so I'm quittin' my job and opening up my own comic book/novelty chain of stores across the country.

...decided to rest the concept of a certain DC editorial type.

...got everything done I needed to get done.

. . . found a cure for poverty by doing away with money entirely!

...took up needlepoint again, because I don't have enough distractions/obsessions in my life.

Spent the night tracking suburban werewolves and finally discovered their filthy werewolf lair.

It's in Maple Oak Pine Gables Buttercreek Estates!

(The security werewolf at the front gate wouldn't let me in though)

... spent the day cuddling in bed with my husband before he left for his modeling assignment.

... was given a power ring by a dying purple alien

...realized that Quis and I are both married to the same man!!11

... realized that I am married to both Quis and cleome45.

... Had a nice long talk with my cat and she agreed that she's finish off my work week for me. What a great cat!

...slew a giant spider, a bunch of kobolds, and some tentacles goblins.

...sat on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away...

... took a seat next to cleome

...farted. Really, REALLY loudly.

I'm so glad I live alone.

Oh, wait, I posted in the Imaginary version...

D'OH! >_<

...lent Abin a roll of quarters so he could do his laundry.

Sailed my catamaran, The Seasick Kitty, up and down the coast of Lake Michigan, stopping at several ports of call to assure each of my lonely sweethearts that I haven't completely forgotten about them.

Oh, and to drop off some laundry with each of them.

...had a date with Brian Unger, commentator, actor and well-muscled host of the History Channel's How the States Got Their Shapes.

... met with Lady Gaga yesterday and we hammered out the songs and looks she's be sporting for her next album in 2012.
This quality, creative time we make for each other, every six months or so, has really seemed to help her career these past few years!

...started work on this year's Halloween costume. I like to plan ahead.

...was delighted to discover that I'm a direct descendant of legendary stage actress Sarah Bernhardt.

It finally explains my nickname "Drama Queen".

... suddeny had all my worn out teeth fall out and be replaced with brand new teeth, not unlike how elephants replace their teeth through their lives.
Almost like a conveyor belt.

Either that or it must be my birthday tomorrow!

...bummed $19.65 off Quis.

...got a lot of work done.

(Isn't there always tomorrow?)

...got a tattoo.

..my dog walked calmly and obediently on her leash. Then we went home and she made me dinner.

... got several tattoos that now cover most of my arms and legs.

...found the world's first comfortable high-heeled shoes.

...paid $25 for a bottle of wine.

... got the green light for my Legion of Substitute Heroes movie.

...was cast as Drura in Quis' movie.

...made a fortune auctioning off all my Legion of Substitute Heroes movie paraphernalia online!

...was voted "Nicest Overnight Movie Star" in an online poll.

...got my payoff from the winning candidate, and celebrated with a case of Piper-Heidsieck.

... failed to make a tuna salad sandwich.

...had a dream, I had an awesome dream...

...leaped a tall building in a single bound.

...exchanged bodies with an osprey.

... met with the creators of DC comics and asked them to reconsider their September re-launch of those 52 titles.
They agreed.

... qualified for Wimbledon

.... Also qualified for wimbeldon ... I'm playing doubles with Quislet.

...bought my new hat for Wimbledon - and not one of those silly little ones that are so in vogue lately.

...am moving to Earth-2.

... was asked to replace Ryan Reynolds in the next Green Lantern movie. I said yes.

They needed another Canadian, ... you know, just for continuity.

I'm so selfless.

...had an awesome and great day.

... saw the Every Ten Years Monster, and took a picture with it.

Quote

Originally posted by Invisible Brainiac:
... saw the Every Ten Years Monster, and took a picture with it.

Ok bud, you have to share!!!

...had a nice chat with Wilma Flintstone.

...finished writing the last novel in the Wheel of Time

...had cake and ice cream for breakfast.

...took possession of my aircraft carrier-sized personal yacht.

...fulfilled two lifelong dreams by meeting a sasquatch in the woods, then we both sat down together to watch an alien spaceship land in a field.

...am jetting to my Summer home in the hills of Spain for dinner. Who wants gazpacho and paella? I'm buying!

... am joining cleome45 in Spain for a nightcap. Let's hope my castanets don't get caught in her sombrero cordobes again!

...am simply crying buckets into my beer over this terrible, terrible setback for the forces of Good .

... am invited to a barbeque for lunch, and another barbeque for dinner! Uhhh ... OK!!!

...wore diamonds on the soles of my shoes.

...stole FCs shoes

... ran 10 kilometers just for the hell of it.

...got my new gravity boots.

... got my advance copies of all 52 upcoming DC books and, .... ah, you're not missing much! RejectedApplicants

... finally managed to reproduce by means of fission.

...fused the Quislets back together.

...wondered if they were a Quartet or a Quintet.

...wondered if the pural of Quislet is Quisli

...went skysurfing

...blew up the moon

...farted Gershwin.

... bought a yacht and sailed to Greece ..... never to return again!

...personally bailed out Greece

... was sent advanced copies of all the #1 for the 52 new DC books coming out next month.
By the far the BEST one of the bunch is

...bounced a ball on the moon.

...vow to not have any more coffee until this time tomorrow.

...swam 10 miles while I was at the pool

... downloaded a copy of my brain patterns onto a super-computer.

... snapped my fingers and got ALL my running around that I had to do done in a second!

...channeled the spirit of Emma Goldman.

...dressed up robots as farm animals.

... for one, flew over the cuckoos's nest.

...had a peaceful day at work.

... will pray to Zeus at temple and ask that he empower my cat with the wisdom of Athena, and let her make all my business decisions going forward.

... had lunch with Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin, and Theodore Roosevelt.

...lead some elephants over the Alps.

Quote

Originally posted by Reboot:
...lead some elephants over the Alps.

Cool. If this was 10,000 years ago it might have been woolly mammoths instead of elephants!

...made Mammoth Cheddar from real mammoth milk.

...trolled the Fox News Op Ed page. I invited all their contributors to come over and have caviar and champagne in honor of my first Unemployment extension. I also promised that they'd get to meet the First Family since we've got such a mutual admiration thing going.

...had a really boring day where nothing happened.

...hiked to the Sahara and back.

...am going to take over the world.

...signed on as Dev's minion. I hope that I don't have to buy my own uniforms.

...found someone in a Dev minion uniform stuffed in a fridge, and is investigating...

...am wondering why my fridge is making Morse code sounds.

... was wondering why L.T. can't just get a phone and/or computer like everyone else on the planet so that we don't have to try and communicate with him via his refrigerator using Morse code!

...wondering why Future King told me to meet him in a Fridge.

... sent my doppleganger into work today, just to stir the pot and kick up some sh*t.

...had a very interesting conversation with the parsley.

...rolled over Beethoven.

...got a whole lot done.

... let my lawn mower cut the grass all by itself!

...took my cats for a lovely stroll through the neighborhood

...started a ceramic bell collection.

Quote

Originally posted by Dev - Em:
...got a whole lot done.

... got a lot hole done.

... let my Astral Projection self work my shift for me.
It was Karmic!

...worked on my big folk dance number for this year's pending Greek Festival!

...hired a stand-in to inanely post for me when I'm away from home. I'm paying them in donuts and diet cola.

... had to pass on the lead actor role for yet another BIG motion picture blockbuster movie that I just do not have time to do right now.
I usually throw my left-overs to Brad Pitt anyway.

...remain blissfully unaware of just how many dry-roasted cockroaches can be found when you break open an old cable TV box with a power drill and a really big screwdriver.

... welcomed my new pet python into my home.

... wrasseled a moose to the ground with my bare hands.

... created an ice slide with my powers.

...decided that situational depression is a myth.

...turned down a job of surfing the web. It only paid $250K a year. I mean who can live on a wage like that?

... sent Santa Claus my letter early.
Now there is NO excuse for NOT getting that brand new mansion and Lincoln SUV I asked for!

... got Future King's letter and stamped it "nice" before passing it on to Santa.

...got future king's letter stamped "nice" and advised Santa to get a new quality control staff.

...had a date with fitness model and Internet celebrity Michael Fitt.

Quote

Originally posted by Legion Tracker:
...got future king's letter stamped "nice" and advised Santa to get a new quality control staff.

Hey Invisible B ... let's RUSH 'im!

...am sitting at Santa's feet, innocently asking him what happens to bad little boys who beat up good little boys who love Santa.

...found fitness model and Internet celebrity Michael Fitt in my Christmas stocking. Evidently, I've been very nice.

... wondered why Legion Tracker would stamp FK's note "nice" when I already did

and writes an assertive letter to Santa to protect my job

... asks Santa to send Rocky a larger stocking so both Rocky and Michael Fitt can fit in it together

... woke up with these wings on my ankles! Took them for a test flight and, not bad!
Now I know how Namor feels. And Hermes the messenger of the Gods. Oh wait, those were on his sandals.
Oh well!

... dyed my body green. I just love that color.

... paid for all my gas using Monopoly money.

...had the time of my life.

...trudged through tha woods on mah bad leg. Whut fun.

... Had Tom Cruise, my body double, go in to work for me.

...found a new job that I love.

...ate only junk food.

...collected royalties on every unfinished fanfic I ever wrote. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

... am making a nice, healthy supper!

...have my shoulders feeling like I have not a care in the world.

... will work for pizza instead of money.

...blew my whole Unemployment check on comic books! Woo!

Click Here For A SpoilerExcept for the last twenty bucks, which went for a fresh bottle of agave tequila. Double woo!

... think I'll use my invisibility power and visit some friends, see what they're up to.

...will hit the lottery.

... will fast-forward the day to 7:00pm, so that I don't have to remember working today!

...sent Disdemona a pair of deluxe New Mom Safety Glasses, via Express Mail.

...wondered if Collie Birds like to chase Catbirds.

... appeared on the Today Show hawking my novel

...re-gifted three dozen authentic Mal-Wart fruitcakes. I hope you're all watching your mailboxes carefully.

... discovered three new species of butterfly, and a monkey that looks like Abin Quank (happy birthday!)

...feel just terrific, thanks.

...shipped myself a batch of my famous Toll House Cookies for winning Kill This Thread.

...traveled back in time, slipped the winning Kill This Thread post one minute after Rocky's, and set up a PO box in WA near the border so I could win the cookies!

...started excavating Legion World.

... have met the love of my life.

...congratulated Quislet, Esq. on his pending marriage to a giant sentient Toll House Cookie.

... swam in the ocean and had a picnic lunch on the beach.

... woke up to find that I'd lost all the weight I put on during the holidays

... began giving random strangers million dollar checks.

...graduated from Ninja School. I hung my diploma on the wall... but no one can see it.

...resolved to drop the whole art thing because it's just not fun anymore.

...sang Thomas Tallis' forty-part motet "Spem in alium". All forty parts. By myself.

...sang Rocky's 40-part motet all by myself. Backwards. In Mandarin.

...decided it would be more fun to sing a duet with Tracker. Twenty parts each.

...can't wait for this duet with Rocky! (Probably won't sleep tonight....)

... found a buffalo nickel

...have a date with a well-known actor who has asked I not disclose his name.

...found nothing IRL annoying at all.

...will not clean anything or put anything away. Also I did not fill even more boxes with junk that needs to be donated either today or Sunday.

Because nothing's more awesome than dirt and clutter all over one's house, right?

...figured out what to do with myself.

...slept in.

... I used my time viewer to solve the mystery of Kaspar Hauser

... founded a colony on the moon

...funded a colony on the moon.

...fnded a colony on the moon.

... participated in a presidential debate

...made it shine.

...was bummed to be without my mega-annoying co-worker for the third day in a row.

... bought stock in LegionWorld

...am so full of vim and vigor that I'm not even bothering with coffee!

... did some cliff diving in Mexico.

...bought every Mexican horror movie from the 50s, 60s, and 70s.

...won the lottery!

...won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.

...hosted the Oscars.

...ate an Oscar Meyer lemon.

... had the new Broccoli flavor at Cold Stone Creamery with the asparagus mix-in.

...ache. But I hear that they have something for that.

...was named People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive". Again!

... put the bomp In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp.

...revealed that my true identity is Fart Girl.

...regret that I missed the moment of cleome's revelation.

...got a new job in which I will be paid indecent amounts of money for sitting around, sipping cocktails and being charming.

...borrowed ten grand and a bottle of high-quality vodka from Rocky.

...went back to school, and got an A in Differential Equations.

.... had a rough day at work, Captain Picard yelled at me in front of all the other senior officers. And then Dr. Crusher ALWAYS comes up with the solution before anyone else can even chime in ... she's such a know it all Knancy!

Oh well, off to get a drink with Deanna in 10 forward.

... turned down another adult movie producer to star in his movie.

...blew off looking for work, after discovering that I can live off air and dew (so who needs to make money?)

...did not go to work on my day off.

...won everyone's Alts in a poker game.

...kept an Alt up my sleeve

... was asked to dance back up on Britney Spears' next tour

...am staying at the computer and posting until I achieve Double Time Trapper status, or until the mods offer me fifty bucks to leave. Whichever comes first.

... found a bicentennial quarter

...gave Cle $55 to keep posting...MWHAHAHAHAHA!

didn't see a single political posting on facebook.

... served as a witness for the wedding of Rev Fred Phelps and Orson Scott Card. The couple will be honeymooning in Baghdad.

. . . convinced ABBA to reform and give me 50 percent of the gross profits from their reunion concert.

... got lost in the Amazon and discovered a new tribe.

... got lost on Paradise Island and discovered a new Amazon

...drank peach daiquiris while lounging by the pool with Sharky.

...had a kind and generous rich person buy me Rhino Records' deluxe Smiths reissues box set. Said person asked for nothing in return.

...borrowed all of FL's Avengers comics, in exchange for buying her that box set. (And promised not to read them in the tub.)

... drove my mother-in-law to the airport for a year long trip around the world

Quote

Originally posted by SharkLad:
... drove my mother-in-law to the airport for a year long trip around the world

That is soooo cool! I'm envious.

... read my first few issues of Legion World. Thanks to IB of course for giving me the complete set that will surely keep me busy in the coming weeks!

Hey, Blaze: Are you really reading all the Legion stories for the first time?

That's great, but this is the thread for things we're only pretending to do today.

The thread for real-life things we did today is here .

... went through a quantum singularity.

... found a hidden temple in Peru.

...was hired to be a writer for the second season of GCB.

...locked this thread in a fit of pique.

... won at Nationals

... sat down with Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, & Karl Rove and showed them the error of their ways.

... got tapped to host a travel TV show - backpacking through Asia

...magically rejuvenated the original members of the rock and roll supergroup Asia so they could perform my favorite song of theirs, "Only Time Will Tell", exclusively for me in my living room.

...booked Luscious Jackson to play a private show in our living room for mr_cleome's birthday on 6/1.

...enjoyed a delicious breakfast of cold pizza and warm beer.

... joined the cast of The Real Housewives of Long Island

...ate live Proty for dessert.

... went for a swim in my pool

... had a pefect moment.

... spaced out for a moment.

... found a buffalo nickel

... called you all here to give you each a check for $10 million. However you must spend it all in 5 days.

relaxed by the ocean side drinkin' dandelion wine and feelin' the surf twixt mah toes.

... planned my 6-week vacation in South America

... found out school was cancelled for the remainder of the year because there's nothing good left to teach

...will be relaxed and not worry bout the small stuff while workin' on the house.

... bought some uranium

... wiped out an entire island in the Pacific.

...danced a tango with Fanfic Lady and a foxtrot with Cleome.

... slept in

...woke up Kent by throwing live chickens and bags of espresso beans at his window.

... did dishes, laundry, vacuumed and, dusted.

also ... I had an excellent lunch.

Quote

Originally posted by Quislet, Esq:
... called you all here to give you each a check for $10 million. However you must spend it all in 5 days.

...Spent all my winnings in an afternoon by buying a month's worth of (cruddy) health insurance for 11,561 lucky Portlanders. Sadly, that leaves (approximately) 572,215 other residents firmly in the S.O.L. category.

... went to bed early

... used my powers to tour South America. Again.

Man, I love Machu Picchu.

...got a really sexy postcard from I.B. [fans self]

... got another check for that sexy video I made for my studio. Tsk. I have to work on my abs some more.

...bounced a quarter off my abs to show the whole LMB how it's done.

...bounced a check off my abs to show how it is not done.

... threw out my paycheck

....enjoyed the wonderful, abundant sunshine today and never ONCE thought about Noah's ark.

...decided which LMBer to elope with by picking their name out of a hat.

... carried on a conversation in Latin

...successfully installed and used Skype on the first try.

... went to bed at a reasonable hour.

...neither ran late for my office hour nor got frustrated by either the crowds for commencement or the obtuse/unclear campus gym policies.

... discovered a new temple hidden in the jungles of Sri Lanka.

... joined a nudist colony.

...ran a marathon.

...ran a naked marathon in the jungles of Sri Lanka.

...filmed Jerry running a naked marathon in the jungles of Sri Lanka.

...ignored my tenants, Statler and Waldorf, when they grumbled that they'd seen detergents which left better film than that.

...killed someone who asked if I was "the liberrian".

. . . was killed by Rocky for asking if he was the Libyan.

... dug up He Who Wanders' body to perform unholy experiments on it

Quote

Originally posted by Rockhopper Lad:
...killed someone who asked if I was "the liberrian".

...showed Rocky the names and addresses of several "facilitators" at local temp agencies, then asked him if he'd ever considered turning his hobby into a full time career.

...planted a liberry bush in the backyard.

...celebrated my 18,281st post by discarding my resumes, my phone, and my computer, and cashing out the remains of my personal assets. Then I packed my bags, loaded the cats in carriers, and headed by mule to a quiet, comfortable cabin deep in the woods. There, I took up fishing, quilting, baking bread and playing the harmonica, and was never troubled by rude, arrogant, stupid people in the "civilized" world ever again.

...inscribed "RIP" here below cleome's last post.

[EDIT] Darn, it's actually at the top of the next page after cleome's last post. Sorry, dear cleome, wherever you are.

...took care of Cleome's "facilitators".

. . . was resurrected by Cleome's "facilitators" (whoever they are).

...discovered through past-life regression that I am the reincarnation of Dorothy Kilgallen.

...went to the library (rather than google) to look up who Dorothy Kilgallen was.

...went back in time to have tea with the real Dorothy Kilgallen.

...joined IB and Dorothy for tea, and brought along a nice carrot cake and my good pal, Elvis.

...remembered writing about the meeting with Ibby and Cramer in "The Voice of Broadway".

... turned evil... again...

...fired several bankers. From a cannon.

... rendered all fireworks inert for a 5 mile radius from my house.

..made plans to light Quislet's fuse after sundown on the 4th.

... stowed away on a ship to the USA so I can join the celebrations!

...went skysurfing on my hoverboard.

... beat up a hundred orcs.

... took my first acid trip.

... tamed the lion in my backyard

... flew up in the midnight sky

... shaved my head

... earned a blackbelt in karate

... realized the call was coming from inside the house!

... worked it. Worked it good.

... started traveling the world with IB.

... surprised Blaze with a magical around the world date. Saw the sunrise in Kiribati, bungee jumping in New Zealand, saw the pagodas in Myanmar, Forbidden City in Beijing, the temples of Kyoto, lunch in Paris, climbed the pyramids of Giza, explored Machu Picchu, got lost in the Amazon Rainforest, saw the sunset over Santorini, wine tasting in the vineyards of Argentina, dinner in London, and had a crazy night out in Las Vegas.

...took part in a disastrous supernatural ritual, and when I woke up I was Supergirl!

... found a monkey's paw. I wished for a beau, world peace, and riches. I got a bow, whirrled peas, and a bunch of female dogs. I have to learn to enunciate clearly

...discovered the Caramel secret

Quote

Originally posted by Fanfic Lady:
...took part in a disastrous supernatural ritual, and when I woke up I was Supergirl!

oh, sure. post this in the *imaginary* thread and ruin the moment!

I am not disappointed [there. That fulfills the thread theme]

... took Blaze on a whirlwind tour of the best of Southeast Asia -

Philippines' underground river, Tubbataha reefs and the Rice Terraces of Ifugao

Malaysia's Mount Kinabalu

Indonesia's Borobudur and Prambanan Temples

diving in Timor-Leste

Cambodia's magnificent Angkor

Singapore's bustling Sentosa resort

Brunei's rainforest reserve

Laos' laidback Luang Prabang

a cruise through Vietnam's Ha Long Bay

the thousand pagodas of Myanmar

Thailand's Koh Phangan Full Moon Party and the ruins of Ayutthaya

...took the time to Google everything in IB's list.

...prepared a package tour for Legion Tracker covering everything in my list.

...eyed Ibby's package!

Woke up younger than I was yesterday.

... posted pictures of my package on the Yahoo homepage

...downloaded a song from iTunes that someone else on Legion World besides Legion Tracker had heard of.

... took Blaze on another tour, this time of East Asia!

To China's Great Wall and Forbidden City,
Japan's temples of Kyoto and Nara, and Mount Fuji
South Korea's theme parks and Jeju Island
North Korea's ancient tombs
Mongolia's beautiful wilderness in the Hovsgol province
trekking in Taiwan's Taroko Gorge
gambling in Macau
and Hong Kong's Ocean Park

Started a six month vacation...

... swam with sharks.

... took Blaze to South Asia -

India's Taj Mahal, the Kama Sutra sculptures of Khajuharo, the Sun Temple, and other ancient monuments
Sri Lanka's ancient sacred cities
Nepal's Kathmandu Valley and a trek into the Himalayas
Bhutan's stunning cliffside monasteries
chasing Bengal tigers in the Sundarban mangroves of Bangladesh
Flying through Pakistan's Kyhber Pass and gawking at the Baltoro Glacier
A relaxing evening in the Maldives' underwater restaurant and luxurious spas

Quote

Originally posted by Rockhopper Lad:
...downloaded a song from iTunes that someone else on Legion World besides Legion Tracker had heard of.

[disbelief!]

Rode a unicorn

... deduced the Colonel's secret recipe.

...quit my job to join the circus as an elephant poop shoveller. It has been a dream of mine since childhood.

...took over for VL at his old life. Since I shaved my head first, nobody even noticed that I was an imposter who knows nothing about the oil industry whatsoever.

(His wife and kid, however, seem somewhat suspicious.)

Quote

Originally posted by cleome46:
...took over for VL at his old life. Since I shaved my head first, nobody even noticed that I was an imposter who knows nothing about the oil industry whatsoever.

Neither do I but I somehow get by lol

...skateboarded down Telegraph Hill and up Lombard Street. The lights were with me all the way!

... too Blaze to North Africa!

Tunisia's ancient cities - Phoenician-style Carthage, the kasbah at Sfax, the remains of Kerkouane and the authentic medina at Sousse

Egypt's pyramids and monuments in Giza, Abu
Simbel and the Valley of the Kings

the amazing desert fortresses of the M'zab Valley in Algeria

Libya's ancient cities of Cyrene and Leptis Magna, and the prehistoric desert settlement of Ghat

Morocco's own historical cities of Marrakech, Volubilis and Casablanca

...decided to have a second birthday this year.

...slaved away in the kitchen baking Rocky a second birthday cake.

Checked my email after a few weeks being off the grid for a few weeks, and didn't have any messages trying to sell me products designed to enlarge my penis.

Attached a pair of large coil springs to my feet.

Oops, posted in the wrong thread.

Edit:

...found Grabthor's Hammer and used it to pound out armour for a Gortle Bear!

... flew on the wings of an angel

... took Blaze to the Middle East this time!

Spending a night in the dimmed candlelit walkways of Jordan's ancient stone city of Petra,

Appreciating history and religion in Israel's Jerusalem and modernity in Tel Aviv,

Swimming in the picture-perfect postcard beauty of Turkey's Blue Lagoon,

Having a picnic under the Tree of Life in Bahrain,

Testing our stamina on the Kazmah desert cliffs of Kuwait,

Soaking in the history of ancient cities in Iraq: Babylon, Ur, Sumeria, Hatra,

Playing soldier in the historic Mirani, Jalani and Bahla forts of Oman,

Exploring the ruins of the desert oasis of Palmyra in Syria,

Undertaking a pilgrimage through ancient Bethlehem in the Palestinian Territories,

Going on a food trip in the cultural village of Katara, in Qatar,

Marveling at the rich biological diversity of Yemen's Socotra Archipelago,

Invisibly sneaking into the holiest city of Islam, Mecca, in Saudi Arabia,

Skiing in the indoor Ski Dubai Resort of the United Arab Emirates.

Lounging in the beautiful and ancient Persian gardens of Iran,

Dancing the night away at the One Big Sunday beach party in Lebanon.

... moved in with Blaze. Our room features a water bed, two TVs (so we can watch different shows), a videocam so we can make home videos, full-length mirror on our ceiling and walls, chocolate fountain, and jacuzzi.

We have a pet shih tzu, a Siberian husky, a dachshund, and two fluffy bunnies.

... danced the lambada with Nicki Minaj

... Celebrated with Blaze by hitting Western Europe!

... gambling in Monaco's casinos,

... soaking up history in Italy's greatest cities (Rome, Milan, Venice, Florence, Verona, Pisa...),

... dancing and singing at the Andorran music festivals,

... running with the bulls in Spain,

... feasted on Portuguese grilled chicken, fish and soup,

... climbed the three towers of Mount Titano in San Marino,

... immersed ourselves in the religious history of the Vatican City,

... chased each other through the cobblestones and historic landmarks of the old city of Luxembourg,

... explored the ancient megalithic temples of Malta,

... counted 40 shades of green in Ireland, and then kissed the Blarney Stone,

... enjoyed the castles and countryside of the United Kingdom, with a special stop at Stonehenge,

... marveled at how the belfries of Belgium look in the setting sun,

... partied in the wonderfully liberal capital of the Netherlands, Amsterdam

...engaged in swordplay with masters of the craft, and ended with my blade at their throat.

... decided to hit Scandinavia and the Baltic States with Blaze!

... wandered through the most well-preserved medieval city in Europe, Tallinn, the capital city of Estonia,

...enjoyed the sea breeze in the "city where the wind is born", Latvia' Liepaja,

... played "soldier" in the hillforts of Lithuania,

... tossed snow and ice at each other while watching Iceland's famed geysers,

... pretended to be kings in the 3 grand royal palaces of Northern Zealand, Denmark

... climbed down some of Norway's steepest fjords,

... hiked and camped in Sweden while pretending to be Vikings, courtesy of Sweden's law that you can walk over another person's property as long as you don't touch their house,

... and boating through Finland's Lake Land with its over 60,000 lakes.

... booked a trip to Kenya to try out for their national cricket team

... Traveled through time to check out the weather in Beijing for New Year.

....had a nice, relaxing day with no stress at all.

...Hung the sign for the new business. Finished the siding on the left side of the house. Ate lunch with my wife. Picked up salvage chairs for the house and took them to the house. Went to florence and picked up chairs for the office and some tools I need to build our dining room table. Took chairs to the office. Went to current house to get keys. Took several items to the new house again. Took birthday presents to my mom's house. Finally got home and ate supper at around 9pm.

... took Blaze to Central Asia and the Caucasus!

... saw the stunning monasteries of Armenia,

... had a mudfight near the mud volcanoes of Gobustan in Azerbaijan,

... tasted wine in the Kakheti wineries of Georgia,

... trekked through the Fan Mountains of Tajikistan,

... tried to decipher the Bronze Age petroglyphs of Tamgaly in Kazakhstan,

... swam in the turquoise lakes of Band-e Amir, Afghanistan,

... flew into the flaming crater at Darvaza, Turkmenistan, then washed off in the Kow Ata underground sulfur lake,

... camped out in the caravanserai of Tash Rabat, Kyrgyzstan,

... and traced the remnants of the Silk Road through the historical cities of Samarkand and Bukhara, Uzbekistan.

...am impressed with Quis, and wish rickshaw1 would get off his butt and be half as productive.

... found my long lost twin brother.

Quote

Originally posted by Invisible Brainiac:
... moved in with Blaze. Our room features a water bed, two TVs (so we can watch different shows), a videocam so we can make home videos, full-length mirror on our ceiling and walls, chocolate fountain, and jacuzzi.

We have a pet shih tzu, a Siberian husky, a dachshund, and two fluffy bunnies.

Don't forget the butlers: Darren Criss and Chace Crawford!

... saw a wishing star and blimey, it's just IB coming to fetch me for our date in Egypt!

... gave Blaze a working Legion flight ring with our initials carved in it

... got Blaze and IB a private room.

... Blaze and I started a website for our home videos!

... gave Quislet a VIP access to IB and Blaze's website.

... received, with Blaze, an award for best new website in 2012!

...made a million dollars with one phone call.

...lost 50 lb's in one sitting.

Having fun in the sun in Southern Europe -

... revitalizing ourselves in Cyprus' Hamam Omerye Bath,

... pretending to be ancient gods of myth in Greece's best sites - the Parthenon, Delphi, Santorini, Meteora, and Olympia, as a start,

... finding paradise in Turkey's Blue Lagoon

... surprised Blaze with a tour to Central Europe to:

... picnic in the primeval forests of Poland,

... ski in the Swiss Alps,

... climbed deep down into the Postojna Caves in Slovenia,

... swam in the enormous Lake Balaton in Hungary,

... hunted for ghosts in the gothic Balzers Caste, Liechtenstein,

... pretended to be locals in the intact medieval towns of Slovakia,

... studied up on Mozart in Salzburg, Austria,

... sampled the best beer brands and dumplings in the birthplace of modern beer, the Czech Republic,

... and tasted wine in Germany's Rhine Valley.

...thought dinner was terrible. The wine wasn't any good, either.

... cuddled with Blaze on the beach. awwww!

...went bar-hopping with Janeane Garofalo, Lea DeLaria, Judy Gold, and Margaret Cho.

... embark on my grand tour of famous pastry shops of Europe.

... finished my European Tour with Blaze by hitting the Balkans and the former Soviet states!

... took a breakfast cruise in historic Dubrovnik, Croatia, with its traditional Croat fish dishes

... sampled the famous ski resort in Zlatibor, Serbia

... took pictures in the astoundingly beautiful Bay of Kotor, Montenegro

... lounged on the beach in Ohrid, Macedonia - one of the oldest human settlements in Europe

... pampered ourselves in the spa in Teslic, Bosnia and Herzegovina

... counted the windows in Berat, Albania's City of 1001 Windows

... marveled at the classic architecture in Moscow and Saint Petersburg, Russia

...visited Saint Sophia's Cathedral, the oldest remaining church in Kiev, Ukraine

... got lost in the Mir Castle Complex of Belarus

... had our fortunes told in Soroca, the gypsy capital of Moldova

... watched the sun set on Bulgaria's Sunny Beach

... did the Dracula tour in Transylvania, Romania

... wore blue lipstick with pink eyeshadow.

...got the drainline from my sink thawed and flowing

After finishing Asia and Europe, took Blaze over to Oceania...

... marveled at the giant stone money of Yap in the Federated States of Micronesia;

... swam in the jellyfish lake and swam with the sharks in Palau;

... studied up on World War II history and nuclear testing in the Marshall Islands;

... flew into an active volcano and lounged under the world's largest banyan tree in Vanuatu;

... explored the entire island of Nauru in an hour, and learned some things about phosphate mining;

... had tasty fish dishes while learning local handicraft work in Tuvalu;

... went shipwreck diving in, and enjoyed the bird-like native dances of, Kiribati;

... learned about the endemic species of East Rennell in the Solomon Islands;

... found beautiful nature while checking out the lava fields, waterfalls, blowholes, caves, national parks and of course beaches in Samoa;

... immersed ourselves in local life on Tongatapu in Tonga, enjoying the moving singing in church and the extremely strong kava drink;

... went whitewater rafting in Fiji, then had tea in the Garden of the Sleeping Giant;

... hiked the ancient Kokoda Track in Papua New Guinea,

... headed over to New Zealand for some bungee jumping in Queenstown, Maori culture and hot springs in Rotorua, chocolate and albatrosses in Dunedin and beautiful scenery in Nelson,

... and finished by exploring Australia: great cities Melbourne and Sydney, theme parks in the Gold Coast, camping in Uluru, diving in the Great Barrier Reef, exploring Tasmania, tasting wine in the Barossa Valley, and getting lost in the Outback.

...added a new room to chez_cleome. I needed it to store all the postcards I got from IB and Blaze this year!

... invited cleome and mr.cleome over to our Caribbean tour! (and anyone else who wants to come is welcome too!)

... took pictures of the brightly colored birds in Trinidad and Tobago;

... took the Scenic Railway to see the best sights of Saint Kitts and Nevis, including the Brimstone Hill Fortress;

... took a dip in the sulfur springs of Saint Lucia;

... saw the canopy of Mystic Mountain, Jamaica, via bob-sled and zipline!

... explored the ruins of old forts and castles in Haiti;

... had a nice lunch in the lush gardens of Saint Vincent and the Grenadines;

... tasted the wonderful spices and swam in the waterfalls and beaches of Grenada;

... marveled at the unique animals in Dominica, aka the Nature Island of the Caribbean;

... learned to kayak in the Bahamas;

... enjoyed the colonial architecture in the city of Trinidad, Cuba;

... loosened ourselves up with some Mount Gay rum in Barbados! (and no, the rum doesn't turn you gay...);

... joined the party at Carnival, in Antigua and Barbuda;

... and retired for the evening in the luxurious resorts of Bavaro in the Dominican Republic.

(It will take a lot to top that post, IB)

... did my Scrooge McDuck and swam in a pool full of money.

... magically cleared all the streets, sidewalks, and driveways of snow. It all ended up in Memphis, Houston, & Ft Lauderdale.

Invited everyone to escape the snow by heading to South America!

... pretended to perform a ritual for the sun at Machu Picchu, Peru,

... studied giant tortoises and other unique species at the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador;

... dove off the top of Angel Falls in Venezuela;

... pretended to walk in the sky at the La Paz Salt Flats in Bolivia;

... partied with the craziest and most fun at Carnival in Brazil;

... got lost in the pristine rainforests of Suriname;

... marveled at the well-preserved old town of Colonia in Uruguay;

... lounged on the beaches of Vina del Mar, Chile;

... chatted with the artists and writers while marveling at the architecture of Aregua, Paraguay;

.. learned to dance the salsa in Cali, the Salsa Capital of Latin America;

... helped care for some turtles at Shell Beach, Guyana;

... and finally ended up with some more ice by skating on the Perito Moreno Glacier in Argentina!

...gave the State of the LMB Union address, proclaimed that we were doing pretty good, cut the speech short and we all went out dancing.

... channeled the spirit of a 12th century peasant farmer from Germany.

Imagined an ice pick going through my boss' head.

Oh wait,

wrong thread.

.... visited North and Central America with Blaze!

... helped excavate the buried ruins of Joya de Ceren in El Salvador;

... zip-lined over the rainforests of Belize;

... climbed the ancient Mayan ruins of Tikal, Guatemala;

... lay in the soft sand of Isla de Ometepe, Nicaragua;

... took pictures of the endemic species (big cats, dolphins, monkeys, tapirs and more!) of Costa Rica in their natural habitats;

... marveled at the Panama Canal;

... explored the Spanish architecture of Comayagua, Honduras;

... gorged ourselves on local cuisine while visiting the beaches and ruins of Mexico;

... blew our minds while touring the great USA cities of Las Vegas, New York, New Orleans, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Boston, Memphis, Dallas, went ice skating in Alaska and beach hopping in Hawaii;

... and enjoyed the cold weather while soaking up the uniqueness of Toronto, Vancouver, Ottawa, Quebec and Montreal in Canada.

Got a Valentine's Card from Despero!

[Linked Image]

Headed over to Africa with Blaze to finish our world tour!

First, the African Sahel...

... helped restore the historic monuments in Timbuktu, Mali;

... drove through the Saharan sand dunes in Mauritania;

... shopped for oddities and colorful trinkets in Bellaraya Market, Niger;

... braved the extremely inaccessible Ennadi Plateau in Chad to see the sandstone arches;

... took part in the mesmerizing Sufi rituals of drumming and trance dancing, in Sudan.

...slept for a thousand years

Then, West Africa...

... shopped in the voodoo markets of Benin;

... visited the slae castles of Ghana;

... surfed in Robertsport, Liberia;

.. had lunch in the mud/straw tower-houses of the Tamberna Valley in Togo;

... jetskied in the magnificent waters of Cape Verde;

... rubbed elbows with the stars at the Panafrican Film Festival (Africa's largest, supposedly) in Burkina Faso;

... catalogued several fascinating exotic plants in Comoe National Park, COte d'Ivoire;

... hiked to some magnificent waterfalls and cliffs in Foutah Djallon, Guinea;

... learned about the river goddess in the Sacred Grove of Osun, Nigeria;

... learned to cook ceebu jen (rice and fish) with red and white sauces in Senegal;

... enjoyed the beaches of Varela, Guinea-Bissau;

... swam with the crocs in Kachikally Crocodile Pool, The Gambia;

... escaped from the world by heading to the pristine Banana Islands in Sierra Leone.

...invited IB & Blaze over to cook some of that ceebu jen.

... gladly cooked up a selection of international delights for Fat Cramer, including Philippine sisig, Chinese dumplings, Japanese sukiyaki, Spanish-style gambas, Mexican tacos, Korean bulgogi, Italian-style pesto, Singaporean laksa, Thai satay, and Maldivian fish curry.

...learned Latin

...sent Quislet, Esq. a congratulatory message regarding his job as the new Pope.

Then, Central Africa...

... laid on the beaches of Annobon, in Equatorial Guinea;

... toured the 5 national parks with UNESCO World Heritage status in the Democratic Republic of Congo;

... rode an elephant and fed a giraffe in Dzanga-Sangha National Park of the Central African Republic;

... dorve a 4x4 through Boma National Park and Nimule National Park in South Sudan;

... enjoyed the traditional storytelling, handicraft-making and palm wines of Ngoketunjia, Cameroon;

... climbed the escarpments of the Central Angola Highlands;

... marveled at the Boca do Inferno (literally Mouth of Hell) blowhole and explored the underwater caves of Sao Tome and Principe;

... observed the gorillas in Odzala National Park, Republic of the Congo;

... lived with the pygmies and viewed ancient rock engravings in the savannahs of Lope National Park, Gabon.

Was voted Emperor of Ankor Wat and Helldorado today. Lots of commuting.

Sold rickshaw my private jet and bought a new one, with blue leather seats.

Time for East Africa...

... watched the wildebeest migration in Masai Mara National Park, Kenya;

... camped out on Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania;

... saw the source of the Nile in Burundi;

... visited the rock-hewn churches of Lalibela and the ruins of Aksum in Ethiopia;

... played with the lemurs in Madagascar;

... spotted gorillas in Rwanda;

... helped the new government in Somalia restore order in the country, then lounged on the beautiful beach near Mogadishu;

... photographed the Art Deco buildings in Asmara, Eritrea;

... trekked to the Karthala Volcano crater in Comoros;

... took pictures at Lake Abhe, Djibouti; better known as the Forbidden Zone in Planet of the Apes!

... lounged in the luxurious beaches of Silhouette Island, the Seychelles;

... picked tea in Fort Portal, Uganda.

Double dated both Kim Novak and Lynda Carter at the same time.

Flew to the stars on the back of a Venusian Firewolf.

... wore my birthday suit to work. No one noticed.

...applied for a job at Quis' workplace

... found the wet blowing snow quite invigorating.

...mastered the game of chess in 5 minutes with the new brain-app pill.

...found the lost city of El Dorado

... am leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'l be back again. Oh Babe, I hate to go.

...got married in a same-sex wedding that is legal in Texas.

.. taught Belinda the art of Feng Shui

... introduced Belinda to the Hong Kong fortune-teller who says Feng Shui is the work of the devil.

... and because I am a completionist, visited the last remaining countries on Earth in Southern Africa:

... learned to ride a horse in Lesotho, the only country to be entirely above 1000m.

... jumped down Victoria Falls in Zambia;

... excavated some new structures in the Ruins of Great Zimbabwe;

... counted the steps in the Old Stone Town of the Ilha de Mozambique;

... surprised Blaze with a shiny new diamond I dug up in Namibia;

... paid our respects to the King of Swaziland, who invited us for some home-brewed marula;

... kayaked around Monkey Bay in Malawi, then relaxed on a booze cruise hosted by the MV Mangunda,

... adopted an elephant and a cheetah in the Okavango Delta of Botswana;

... camped under the stars while marveling at the beauty of the Garden Route of South Africa.

Made friends with a devilfish. Who knew they liked Venusian pop stars and Venturan cocktails?

...translated the complete works of Tolstoy into Khundish.

... mastered my power of telekinesis, and began work on my teleportation.

...perfected my time machine, went back in time and bought a lot of stocks....I now own google

(Cobie your browsing history is appalling. POV, I didn't know you had such an interest in 19th century macrame.)

... deleted 3 species of cockroach, not that anyone noticed.

...came to work in my flying car

...was nominated as the first female pope.

... tunneled through the Earth to China,

...acquired a green thumb, which somehow enabled me to communicate with plants, but required me to wear gloves in public.

.. will be taking off in my rocketship for a years worth of inyerstellar travel.

... traveled one day forward in time to Wednesday the 13th, comic book day, by mistaking today for Wednesday. Mind over matter.

... thrashed Tharok, again. He's getting way too predictable.

... turned each of my teeth a different color.

...attended a Berlusconi bunga bunga party. It was a lot more boring than I expected.

... split myself into seven identical beings in order to keep up with my heavy workload

... rocked the Casbah!

...found the remains of an antediluvian city in the harbour.

...welcomed Fat Cramer to R'lyeh

became the new owner of the Pope Mobile.

...became Blockade Boy's chauffeur.

...lucked into a top notch driver and entered the Pope Mobile into the next Dakar Rally! Weeee Hoooo!!!! uh, I mean Hail Mary, full of Grace

...lost $100 betting against the Pope Mobile.

... turned the world on with my smile

... took a nothing date and sudddenly made it all seem worthwhile

... secretly spied on Quislet's date to satisfy my curiosity

... committed the perfect murder.

... made Time Trapper.

...went with Peebz to get him fitted for his purple robes.

Originally Posted by Quislet, Esq

... committed the perfect murder.

... became Quislet's latest victim

...called up my old school pal Talia to revive IB and wrote a best-seller based on Quislet's perfect murder.

... drank a potion to turn himself into a giant lynx like Bubastis from the Watchmen.

...found a lynx in my sinks

... vanished in a puff of logic.

...found Quis inside a giant lynx.

... adopted the lynx as a pet

... perfected my weather control machine. Tomorrow, I blackmail the governments of the world for all their money, except China. CHina I ask for all the tea.

... laid in the sun, it is nice being a giant lynx.

...supplied good woolen socks to all the homeless people in cold climates.

... ate a rainbow

...made a snow angel, which came to life and flew off, headed north.

... blew up my entire high school class.

<stretches ... back pops>

Woke up to discover the giant lynx potion's effects finally wore off ... but not some of the symptoms ...

<licks fist ... waddles off to lie in sun>

...left out a saucer of cream for Peebz.

...was appointed Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

... won the best new artist Grammy

... smiled through the pain and acted like I was happy for Quis when he beat me for best new artist.

... took Power Boy to an ultra private after party to make it up to him.

...broke some bad

... rewound time to erase some silly bloopers I've made recently.

...Got drunk

... chewed my nails off.

... dyed my her bubble gum blue.

... jumped into a comet ... came out a super powered GORLLA!

...got the power to give everyone super-headaches, then realized that every 3-year old has that same power.

... ran the Boston Marathon. My record time of 26 minutes is sure to stand the test of time.

...baked a banana bread for Peebz, the super-powered GORILLA.

...slept in late, it was glorious!!

... had a stress-induced headache

...shot the sherrif

... sent some annoying people into the heart of the sun

... blasted the Persuader. He deserved it.

... tried to take over the world

... modeled for my favorite underwear brand.

... bought a poster of IB doing that.

... signed Kinetix's copy of my poster.

... hid IB's poster from Angdar (who would either be jealous, or try to steal it for himself!)

... made Angdar jealous by kissing Zoe!

...became the top poster on Legion World.

... dethroned Rocky.

...rigged the whole post-counting process to make it always appear I'm the top poster.

... deleted Paladin from the list of LW posters

...Fought the Law, but the law won

... took Blaze to have dinner and drinks on Ventura

...fought Authority but authority always wins

... took Blaze camping in the Sahara Desert

...fought for my right to party

... flew from Manila to Port Moresby

...fought this feeling, but I couldn't fight it anymore

.... submitted my MBA application

...had my gold butt polished.

... went out with Radion, then with Leviathan. I like brown-haired boys!

... went out with Radion, and then with Leviathan too. What can I say, brown-haired boys like me!

...ate some holographic meatloaf.

... finally defeated those pesky time displaced giant metal monsters on Braal.

... I took one for the team and went on a romantic date with Chris Evans.

... engineered world peace

...gave up because I couldn't fight this feeling anymore

... brought Blaze to the Caribbean to hunt for pirate's treasure

...ate a Death Sandwich!

... built a home on Fiji

... taught the Athramites a thing or two about fashion.

... had a snowball fight in Antarctica

...experienced nothing but mild weather. Didn't sweat a bit. Nope.

... Ran a triathlon

Discovered a new species on Tenazor-4!

Convinced ASEAN to admit Timor-Leste and Papua New Guinea as members.

Also got the Philippines full membership in the Organization of Islamic Cooperation.

.. enjoyed a nude brunch with Neil Patrick Harris, Chris Evans, and Mark Pellegrino.

...crashed Quis' party.

Didn't notice Quislet's personal assistants because those aren't in the LW budget so he wouldn't have any personal assistants.

... saw Quis ask Neil Patrick Harris, Chris Evans and Mark Pellegrino to be his nude personal assistants.

... hired Quis to help me sue the makers of "Sharknado" for portraying sharks in such a negative light

... boycotted Sharknado in support of Sharky's lawsuit

... formed a secret alliance with Sharknado "star" <snicker> Tara Reid that will bring down the entire Sharknado franchise

... auditioned for the next Sharknado movie to help bring it down from the inside

... mistook Sharknado for It's a Wonderful Life and sued the Frank Capra estate.

... ran from a flying fish, because I thought it was a flying shark

... got a death threat from a Mr. I. Ziering... at least I think it was a death threat... it was a shark fin that looked like it had been chainsawed off... attached was a note that said "Donna Martin graduates!"

... threw my most hated enemy under a bus. Literally.

... hit a bus. Now it tells the other buses cautionary stories about walking around a corner and getting hit by a Power Boy.

... traveled to Pluto. It really is quite cold.

... discovered a magnificent set of ruins on Talok VIII!

...will just sit and post all day long.

...am feeling much better than yesterday. Slept most of the day yesterday...stupid virus.

^^^...I'm also apparently not well enough yet to accurately read thread titles...

... shot the sheriff. But I did not shoot the deputy!

I got em. Owed me money.

... made my porn star debut with a mask on my face.

...twitched my nose and got the house instantly cleaned.

... Went scuba diving in the intense rain. Gosh, our polluted rivers sure have some very weird-looking fish.

... died. I didn't like it so I came back to life.

Wow, what a coincidence? Today I came ALIVE, ALIVE!!

It was only so-so, lots of torches and running but I decided to stick it out. I'm having an urge for an iced drink.

...carved simulacrums of everyone on Legion World from a really BIG block of ice.

... changed into the shape of a sea serpent.

... turned down Vladimir Putin's offer of 2 billion rubles to sleep with him.

... got invited to the wedding of Wentworth Miller and Luke MacFarlane.

.. went back in time and accidently squashed a bug. When I came back to the present my entire fortune is gone and my husband Neil Patrick Harris is married to someone else. And Ben Affleck is going to play Batman instead of his most iconic role of Superman and the Legion has been cancelled.

... celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary with Blaze, by going on a tenth honeymoon with fellow celebrities Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka, Matt Dallas and Blue Hamilton, Matt Bomer and Simon Halls and Wentworth Miller and Luke MacFarlane.

Plenty of husband swapping is involved, of course.

...caught the garter at the IB/Blaze nuptials.

...congratulated Cleome, and was actually relieved to be always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

... planned to send thank you cards to everyone who attended the wedding, but realized I'd gotten so drunk I couldn't remember who attended.

And Blaze can't help me because he's still asleep.

... found my magic wand. Not sure what to use it on first. Stop global warming, end world hunger, make a world in which the Kardashians never became celebrities, or have a chocolate cake?

... became an armchair activist. I don't go out and join demonstrations, but I tweet words of encouragement.

Originally Posted by Quislet, Esq

... found my magic wand. Not sure what to use it on first. Stop global warming, end world hunger, make a world in which the Kardashians never became celebrities, or have a chocolate cake?

... had Quis use his magic wand first on me.

Hope you told Quis NOT to make you disappear, Peebz!

...got fitted for a pair of brand new perfect kidneys, thanks to Quislet, Esq.'s magic wand.

Used Quis' magic wand to give me a credit card with no limit and that never has to be repaid.

...stopped aging.

... grew wings and flew

...inherited a vast fortune and bought St. Vincent and the Grenadines.

...inherited a vast fortune and bought Iggy and the Stooges and had a battle of the bands with Rockhopper Lad's St. Vincent and the Grenadines.

...finished the whole keg all by my lonesome. Cobie's gonna' be mad. It was his keg.

[burrrrp!]

Used the rest of my new, vast fortune to buy everything else on Earth. It's my planet now! (Insert not-very-convincing evil laugh here).

Shunted Rocky off to an alternate universe so I could use MY own fortune to travel the world!

...fed and walked The Wonder Beagle while Rocky's been away. The cats haven't said anything, though I think they suspect.

...came back from an alternate universe with a special surprise for Ibby.

...turned invisible to escape from Rocky! Yikes!

...used those magic powers I absorbed from my evil double in LOTO to find Ibby.

... begged Rocky for forgiveness, and offered to share the world with him!

... munched popcorn while watching IB and Rocky play tug-of-war with the world.

...will kick ass and take names.

... found that magic genie lamp.

... opened up my third eye

...have had the most productive Sunday morning of my entire life.

...sang all the songs from the Sundays' album "Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic" without once going off-key.

... crowned myself Prince of China.

... stopped Mordru from controlling the Black Witch's body, and got myself reborn in the process. Oh yeah!

... am so tired and can't wait to hit the hay.

... told Blaze's mom what a hot son she has.

...created a new language which is based mainly on Welsh, but written in Hebrew characters.

... became the Philippines' youngest ever foreign minister.

...ride a white horse along an empty tropical beach with Antonio Banderas

... entered a male beauty contest and won by wishing for world peace.

Originally Posted by Invisible Brainiac

... entered a male beauty contest and won by wishing for world peace.

Hey, this thread is supposed to be for things that could never happen!

Helped Mr Sur patch up his transportation, gave some first aid, and sent him on his way back to the stars. Nice guy.

Originally Posted by Rockhopper Lad

Originally Posted by Invisible Brainiac

... entered a male beauty contest and won by wishing for world peace.

Hey, this thread is supposed to be for things that could never happen!

You're sweet Rocky, but I doubt I could ever win by just wishing for world peace!

Maybe if I wished for world peace while wearing bikini briefs ...

... worked my last day finally. Off now until after Boxing Day!!

(yeah, right ... I wish! :()

... deleted a variant.

(Hope your vacation starts soon Catonyx!)

.. won first prize in a jitterbug contest with Belinda as my partner.

...regenerated into David Tennant.

... ate a hundred watermelons.

... met my first day of work with a glad heart and a happy smile.

... lost ten pounds around my gut, which revealed my awesome, rock-hard six pack abs

FIRED you all!

Filed for unemployment and booked a ticket for Antigua.

... embezzled large amounts of Kent's own money, faked my death, and am now traveling around the world.

...paid back all of Kent's embezzled money, faked Ibby's death and am now I'm sitting where I always sit. And no one will ever suspect a thing! I am a criminal mastermi....hmmm... something's not right...

... wrote thothkins a very sincere thank you note for helping me out and expecting nothing in return. Such a nice guy!

... quit my job to travel the world full time, while making money off modeling gigs and endorsements.

...met a group of idealists who wanted to form a Legion that would enable mankind to transcend it's short comings and embrace the stars.

... taped my own version of "Let It Go", with lyrics changed to reflect my light powers.

"Let the sun shine ooooooooooooooooooooon, the light never bothered me anyway!"

... flew to Jeju Island with Blaze. Those lava tubes are amazing!

...ascended to my new existence as a supernatural entity.

... had trouble telling the ground from the sky at Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia.

Originally Posted by Invisible Brainiac

... had trouble telling the ground from the sky at Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia.

That happened to the Khunds (I think) once thanks to Color Kid

... achieved 2.3 billipon hits for my YouTube video titled "Sitting at my computer posting on Legion World"

... Kick some sprocking nass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<--- Nimja O Rock Star

...spread my wings and flew away.

Originally Posted by Quislet, Esq

Originally Posted by Invisible Brainiac

... had trouble telling the ground from the sky at Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia.

That happened to the Khunds (I think) once thanks to Color Kid

I hope they had the presence of mind to take pictures!

... had a picnic in the caves of Sagada, Philippines

tried out being a Dalek for a day ... eliminated ... exterminated ... was scared of doctors.

...heard ominous rumblings at work.

... met up with Lara Croft to explore Ta Prohm temple in Cambodia

...am healing a new face in sunny Cancun with my buffed 22-year-old love slave.

... exposed all the corrupt politicians in our country and sent them to jail

... took on the Fatal Five all by myself!

vs.

.. took a dip in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, while enjoying a Caramel-flavored beer. (I'm having the Roasted Hazelnut flavor next!)

... helped restart the universe!

... booked a three-week tour to Europe!

...married Emma Stone

... signed a modelling contract.

...didn't bother going to work, since I already have more money than anyone could possibly need.

...asked Cleome for a loan.

... was added to cleome's will

... Was adopted by cleome

...bought coffee and cake for all my brand-new friends and relatives.

... went out and bought the cake and set the table. After all, cleome is my mom now and I have to be a helpful son so I won't get cut out of her will!

...appreciated my wonderful family. Not to mention having live-in staff to do all the cleaning up later.

...poisoned IB's slice of cake so I could have his part of the will.

...reminded Braal that there's plenty of free loot for all of LW, then made him stand in the corner for trying to ruin the coffee hour.

...stood in the corner and began to brood.

[Linked Image]

Originally Posted by cleome47

...reminded Braal that there's plenty of free loot for all of LW, then made him stand in the corner for trying to ruin the coffee hour.

Thanked my new awesome mom for putting a lid on potential family rivalry. And for saving my life!

... Married IB so I could become part of cleome's extended family.

Now there are even more of you to get rid off! >:(

...schemed to get all of cleome's will for myself.

... unmasked Braal Janitor as the "Phantom of Portland", thus allowing cleome's estate to go to the rightful heirs.

... Rewarded Quislet by inviting him to an around-the-world trip I am taking with my adoptive mom cleome, new bride Kinetix, "secret" lover Blaze, and close family friend Fanfic Lady.

...planned my escape from Science Police headquarters.

... asked the Science Police nicely to put Braal Janitor into maximum security. After all, he is a threat to my life.

...started digging my way out of prison with a spoon.

... Asked the guards to tie Braal Janitor up so he cannot do any digging. Gave them nice bonuses for helping me

...broke BraJa out of prison.

... Tapped Rocky's phone to gather incriminating evidence

... thanked Rocky by buying him dinner at the restaurant of his choice.

... had myself immunized against all forms of poison.

...joined the Legion of Super-villains

... felt some angst at Braal Janitor joining the LSV

... successfully casted the Patronis charm

... discovered a new element

...met a hot girl on campus who was a big Legion fan.

...sang all the songs from the Loverboy "Best Of" collection. From memory. Without taking a break between discs.

...went to see a non-ironic Loverboy tribute band, complete with candy-colored leathers and matching headbands.

... had a relaxing day.

... ruined Braal Janitor's relaxing day by dragging him to a talk show on heirs who try to kill each other

...grudgingly went with Ibby to the talk show.

...saw Ibby and BraJa in the audience of some talk show.

... Competed with BraJa for the affections of millions of viewers who see us as caricatures

...hammed it up for the crowd.

... accidentally ripped my shirt to show off my abs for the audience, while charming them with my boyish good looks.

...dropped the curtain on Ibby so I was the star of the show.

... left BraJa on the show so I could resume my around-the-world vacation with cleome, Blaze, Kinetix, Quis and Fanfie.

...won an Emmy for my time on show.

... tipped TMZ off to BraJa's terrible, terrible personal habits.

...was the victim of a publicity scandal at the hands of Ibby.

... told the press that BraJa's scandals are his own doing. I warned him not to slap that baby!

...told the press that I was sent back in time to stop the baby from one day taking over the world.

... had BraJa committed to a mental institution. Started a reality show featuring his attempts to escape and made even more money.

...taped all the reality [sic] shows mentioned in this thread, only to fall asleep ten minutes into the first one. Maybe a second pot of coffee would've helped... ?

... Assured cleome that BraJa's unsavory behavior on the shows is completely authentic and that she was right in not giving him any money

... started my walk from Boston to Sydney.

...conquered Braal and became its supreme ruler, Darth Braal.

... Achieved world peace by unifying all nations under my empire

...discovered that one of my advisors was a Durlan in disguise.

... Considered forging an alliance with Emperor BraJa

...promised to not try to kill Ibby in exchange for a trading partnership.

... strengthened the agreement by decreeing that nobody from Earth, except me, can lay a hand on BraJa.

... sealed the deal by giving Ibby a lifetime pass to Braal's Magnoball games.

... celebrated the new agreement by throwing the biggest party in either Braal's or Earth's histories.

...discovered a plot by the Durlan spy to help start an invasion of the Blight on the UP.

... ordered our scientists to give us hangover cures so we could plan on how to face the Blight in battle.

...was too drunk after the Earth/Braal Project X party and missed the briefing on the invasion.

... sent BraJa a memo with a summary of the output, plus some bacon to help him sober up

...went with a recon squad into the void to combat the initial Blight forces.

... summoned the Legion of Super-Heroes to help us fight the Blight.

and wrote cleome a letter telling her that BraJa and I are now getting along really well!

...was captured by the Blight leader.

... formed the Espionage Squad to go rescue Emperor BraJa.

...was being chased by the Blight army in my rescue ship.

... Split into my seven selves and attacked the Blight ship

...saved the day with the help of Ibby.

... agreed with BraJa to split the conquered Blight territories equally.

...had to attend a Legion of Super-villains meeting.

... became suspicious at BraJa's sudden absence from the LMB meeting.

...won the leader election and replaced Lightning Lord

... wondered why pictures of BraJa and Cosmic King shaking hands and being all buddy buddy are appearing on my newsfeed

...was a victim of the Braalgate scandal and was forced out of office by Saturn Queen.

... started wearing an anti-telepathy helmet so Saturn Queen couldn't read my mind during our leadership meetings.

...became a hermit and settled on the desolate world of Trom.

... Visited BraJa on Trom to tell him all about Saturn Queen's terrible rule.

...was too jaded by the Old English paper I had to write to return to civilization.

... had Old English Poetry banned as a subject so BraJa could have a more enjoyable time at college.

...grew a rather gnarly beard as I wandered the Trom wilderness.

[Linked Image]

... Created a hardlight sculpture to celebrate my 3-year anniversary with Blaze

Congrats again on the anniversary, Ibby! I shall send you some clay from Trom as a gift.

... accepted BraJa's gift with thanks and used it to create a real-life sculpture of me and Blaze totally making out!

...stumbled upon a mysterious cave in a rocky cavern.

... Turned my skin green, just for once

...discovered some mysterious glowing crystals.

... Mastered the power of Air

...found the deceased souls of Trom in the crystals.

... Sat in a hot tub with Blaze, Lightning Lad, Karate Kid and Dragonmage.

...missed taking a shower so flew back from Trom to Earth.

... Discovered my long lost twin brother

...wondered if Ibby's twin brother was actually evil.

... performed emergency brain surgery on the subway on my way to work.

... communed with the souls of Triplicate Girl, Ferro Lad, Invisible Kid I, Chemical King, Karate Kid I, Magnetic Kid, Leviathan, Monstress, Element Lad, Nightwind, Veilmist, Kid Quantum I, Sun Boy, Blok, Dream Girl, Mon-El, Karate Kid II, Atmos, Reflecto, Mentalla, Power Boy and Supergirl.

But not Kinetix, because she is so still alive. Somewhere. Out there. And in my fic. Because.

And not Earth-Man because he's a big doo doo head.

...was given my own national holiday.

... Realized that. I rudely forgot to include Laurel Gand

...found a portal to fantastical kingdom in my wardrobe.

...petted The Sid without receiving even one bite or scratch.

... realized further that I forgot to include Apparition, though whether she was truly dead or not is debatable.

...ate at a 5 star restaurant.

... Drove off into the sunset

... Traversed the entire Silk Road

... convinced James Dobson, Tony Perkins, and Pat Robertson that marriage for gay couples is a good thing

... Took advantage of the newfound acceptance of gay marriage to tie the knot with Blaze

Originally Posted by Invisible Brainiac

... Took advantage of the newfound acceptance of gay marriage to tie the knot with Blaze

... flies IB & Blaze to Massachusetts where they can legally get married.

... Makes Quis our Best Man and Guest of Honor.

...sent my best wishes to the new couple.

... accepted Indian Lad's wishes with joy and thanks and flew him in to attend the after-party

... was named People magazine's sexiest man alive for 2014

... was acquitted of the ballot stuffing charges

... thank Pov for his many votes

... was Quislet's runner-up, and joined him in the People centerfold

...was unable to vote due to the recent TMZ scandal involving the time traveling baby.

... gave out free flight rings, causing large scale riots in all major world cities.

...jimmied the sidedoor

... Became patient zero of a plague that causes infected people to turn into irritable teleporting bugs

... developed the ability to talk to bunnies.

... traveled to Earth-1 and had a marvelous date with Dick Grayson

... was asked out by Zac Efron

...also dumped Zac Efron. Low standards in previous partners.

...knew who Zac Efron was.

... Had an argument with Zac. He was jealous cause I'm hotter than him. Ugh. Younger men! So petty.

...was swamped by a horde of women who wanted to be my lovers.

... Developed a cure for the ebola virus

... Achieved peak human physical health

... had my biceps grow three sizes.

... quit my job to travel the world using my unlimited credit card which never needs to be paid.

... developed eight-pack abs!

...got a PhD in every field known to man.

... Got myself a pet kraken

... visited every single UNESCO World Heritage Site

... learned to fly without wings.

...discovered a lost civilization.

... took a class at Fat Cramer's School of Falconry

... met my Earth-2 counterpart.

... proposed to Blaze by riding in a winged unicorn while Chace Crawford sprang out of a giant cake and condom balloons floated down everywhere

...was able to do 50 pushups in a row.

... had a naked photoshoot for a magazine cover

... learned that I am then prince of China.

... proved that black was white and got run over at a zebra crossing

.... healed Quislet by giving him a kiss on the cheek

...finished all the yardwork. Now I can spend the entire rainy season just relaxing on Legion World and eating all these expensive bonbons that I just bought.

... lost 30 pounds of fat overnight

... found out I was the prince of China. Took control of the country and granted Tibet its independence; made Hong Kong and Macau independent countries; denounced North Korea and dismantled illegal structures in the South China sea

... rebooted

... got married and flew Blaze around the world for our honeymoon

...wrote a screenplay for a major summer blockbuster.

... Made contact with alien life

Won the lottery

... was adopted by Angelina Jolie.

... declared my own kingdom

...started my own rock band.

... became a groupie

... sold merchandise featuring Stalgie's band and became insanely rich

...used my gazillions to aquire Facebook. Then immediately shut it down. All part of my evil plan to get missing posters back here, where they belong!! Bwahahahaaaaa!!

(mr_cleome's real annoyed with me right now, but he'll get over it)

... praised cleome for such a wonderful plan!

...crashed on Ibby's couch after mr_cleome said I had to move out.

... welcomed cleome with a big meal and bought her a new house of her own

...struck against the establishment by refusing to perform to the best of my abilities when forcibly separated from my beloved Fallout 4!

... joined the Mister International competition

...am enjoying my first trip around the Philippines, thanks to my gracious host: Ibby.

.... got accidentally bit by a radioactive ladybug.

Originally Posted by cleome49

...am enjoying my first trip around the Philippines, thanks to my gracious host: Ibby.

Gave cleome a wonderful tour of the many fine beaches in our country