This is the thread in which you are to ask whatever questions you will of candidates once they have declared their candidacy. (Please understand most of these candidates are people you wouldn't want washing your car or mowing your lawn when formulating the questions).

The candidates are commanded to answer the questions as untruthfully and/or as self-servingly as is appropriate.

To each candidate:

Please discuss which bribes you will be offering and the relative worth of said bribes in credits please. As well, we would like a list of all shady organizations you have ever been a member off, associated with, or have a friend of a friend of a friend that has a tenous connection with said organizations at best.

Thank you and I'll hang up and take your response off the air.

Candidates,

While I would assume that it's a given that each of your respective platforms will include the repeal of the ban on three-martini lunches as fully tax-deductable business expenses, I think the real question is: what is your position on olive stuffing?

Do you favor garlic, pimento, hot pepper or au naturale?

Candidates,

Public hangings were a great way to socialize and meet other people in ancient times. Will you try to bring these back?

Candidates,

Could we temper CK's extremism by perhaps just publicly hanging a dead fish around the necks of offenders for a few days until they repent of all wrongdoing? Or would you consider that a waste of a perfectly good dead fish?

Candidates,

What are your thoughts on knuckledragging, exactly?

And on a related note: Does this turn you on?

Candidates

What is your postion on the stone age. Is it a good place to go to?

Candidates

Why should Canadians give a rat's ass anyway?

Candidates;

When will be annexing Canada?

Well, how about a free fuel card to start. It never runs out of credots, and is also good for snacks at any roadside shop.

I'm afraid the other information is classified...but let's just say that I may know where Hoffa is.

Pimento needs to be the first choice, followed by hot peppers.

I prefer to go with public canings...but hangings are not off the table, or chairs for that matter.

It would work as long as we make those people also take the roley poley fish heads to a movie.

I swore never to talk about your problem in public.

Quite honestly...yes, yes it does.

I would prefer the stoned age...just so I could giggle with them...never touched that stuff personally.

Fruit freak.




My wife can't have olives, figs, and I don't think she's ever tried it, but dates would probably start the same allergic reaction.

Because my dear neighbor, you're just like part of my family...I've visited quite often.

Take'em down, dirty Canadians.

They've perpetrated Jim Carey and Shania Twain on the world. No quarter given.

Right after South Carolina.

Jim Carey was funny at one time (think In Living Color), and what is wrong with Shania?

Nevah! We started it onc't, we can finish it now. We've got tha nintendo!

I'd respond to this...but ya lost me at 'Nevah!"

Shania's right there with megan fox fas as I'm concerned. And we did that to ourselves.

I am not seeing the similarity...but all I know is a few of Shanias songs...

Little too full of herself for my tastes.

I loathe Shania. I think she's a smarmy plastic cheeseball, and her songs are the ultimate in mediocre pop music.

She's country like I'm rap.

never really thought of her as country...more like crossover pop/country at best.

touted as country down here in SC. Just ain't to my likin'.

Her fake country twang is almost as annoying as Jennifer Lopez's fake Bronx accent.

"Huuuuuz bid hev yr buuuuuts ban undur?"

I particularly loathe the spoken parts of "man, i feel like a woman".

Really? 'taint bad enough you sing it, you gotta talk too?

I respect that JLo is considered talented...I just don't see it.

She's not talented. She's pure showbiz whore, the Latin version of Madonna.

Notice that I said 'considered'.

I know, I just had to take a potshot at her. She makes me sick.

Right there with you. Certain artists just cause the hackles on the back of my neck to rise. And when that happens, I listen.

Hackles are a sign of old age.

No, grasshopper, hackles are a sign of enlightenment and wis....





even I can't keep a straight face at that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by rickshaw1:
<strong> No, grasshopper, hackles are a sign of enlightenment and wis....

No other questions?

Where's my competitor?

The shadiest organization with which I have ever been associated is a little outfit called the Legion of Message Board Posters.

I believe that olive stuffing (or lack thereof) is an individual's right and is not the place of government to interfere with that preference.

Personally, I like hot pepper for eating out of hand, but stuffed with pimientos for my martinis.

Of course. I love hanging with my friends in public. There's no reason we shouldn't all go hang together wherever we want.

I'm agin' it. Knuckles are sensitive and should be handled with care, never dragged.

It always looked like a lot of fun on The Flintstones.

No. I don't think of olives in that way. Zucchini, perhaps, but never olives.

Why? Because you have health care, you spell the word "colour" correctly, you use the metric system and you have that lady who looks like Julie Andrews on all your money. Those are plenty of good reasons!

Right after they annex us!

It would be a waste. Said fish would better serve the public good in the form of sushi, gefilte fish or on the menu at your local Red Lobster, depending on one's inclinations.

Oh, and as far as bribes go, I believe what I have to offer can't be measured in credits.

Candidates

How can I measure what you are offering?

Ok, but is IT still measurable or is it off the scale?

Any way to can, and some things need to be measured in feet.

Off the scale, it never runs out.

I think megaparsecs would be the best measure.

Please see my answer to Faraway's question above.

Candidates:

A cruiser leaves Legion World traveling at half the speed of light for 31 parsecs, while a second cruiser, departing a half an hour later, travels at one third the speed of light for half the distance. A third departs at the same time as the second, traveling in the opposite direction, but has a stopover at Nullport for one hour before continuing on for two times the distance of the first, but only at half the speed of the second. A fourth is delayed for repairs, departing two hours behind schedule, but offers the passengers a voucher for future travel, and a complimentary breakfast. My question is, what do you plan on doing about the trending depopulation of Legion World?

Candidates, My son will be turning six this year. I am in need of people to dress as clowns and be physically pummeled, drink to excess and pass out while in said clown outfit, and then tossed into the canal out behind where my folks live. There will be little money involved, and pictures will be taken of you for internet humiliation purposes.

First one to volunteer not only gets my vote, but a freeopen bottle of beerused.

Whom will it be?

I volunteer my worthy opponent.

Tax incentive.

Having two kids myself, this actually sound relaxing. I'm in.

Which of the candidates has a platform closest to Plato's Republic. I'm voting for that.

Jeepers! Why haven't any serious candidates, like Thora, Mayavale, or Giant Robotic Lesbian declared their candidacies?

Legion Worlders,

I have nothing to hide. I was, in my foolish youth, associated with the radical feminist fringe on the planet Amotseme. I then spent several disollute years partying like there was no tomorrow in the Voiiach system, until I got my head together and went back to school for my degree in Psychotronics. Since then, I have worked tirelessly to bring a smile to the faces of anyone who needs an escape from mundane reality.

The image below does indeed turn me on...



...because, again, I have nothing to hide. I am, to use the term coined by the great Sophie B. Hawkins, omnisexual and proud. And so I vow to uphold the egalitarian standards of Legion World while maintaining its GLBTQ-friendliness.

Now, on to weightier topics, such as...

Olives -- au naturale for me.

Stone Age -- did you know that the great voice actor John Stephenson has played Mr. Slate for 50 years?

Canada -- It may have given us Shania Twain, but it also gave us Joni Mitchell.

Plato -- You say Plato, I say Aristotle. Let's call the whole thing off.

Daffy Duck-- Sufferin' succatash!

It was Sylvester the Cat who said "Sufferin' succotash." And what exactly are you trying to say, Rick?

Rick is hoping to become Legion World's Joe the Plumber.

Hey, if it makes him happy...

Well, I had dun used "Yer Dithpicable"




And Daffy was funnier. Look, are you really expecting logic from me?...

I have placed a platform shoe on a copy of Plato's Republic. You can't get much closer than that!

No. Next question?

I'm thinking Loony Tunes logic is about all we can expect.

They're obviously threatened...and they have not even seen who my running mate is.

Is Rick gonna start wandering through the forest, singing while he pours ketchup on his head?

Start?

Only when ah'm buck nekkid. Most times when I hit tha woods fer work, I just anoint the woods.

My respect for Mrs. Rickshaw (already very high) just went up about three notches.

yeah, she'z crayzier'n a bedbug, but it'z mah kinda crayzy.

I'm proud to be a Legion Worlder, dang it. It's a place where an average Jo like me can try for a better life, post hard, and rise up in society following in the footsteps of our great heroes.

Candidates, if you're elected, what are you gonna do about them foreigners (they're probably Durlans or Swiss) comin' in with their cheap posts and tryin' to take over our hard-earned places in the Hot 100? (And then they send all our good jokes back to their families on a third-planet message board.)

And a follow-up question: Will your health-care plan cover treatment to help me get rickshaw's dialect outta my head?

What the HELL is all this talk about an Avril 2011 Erection Bedate??

LT, remember that in the Rockhopper administration there will be room for everyone. Even people who don't understand what we're about and post here anyway.

And as fer yer foller-up question. Why would yew wanna rid yerself o'Rick's dialect?

I pose LT's questions to my Magic Pancake, then carefully pour on the Magic Syrup. It spells out...

"Answer unclear. Ask again later."

Oh, dear, FK. I'm afraid you're in the wrong thread. You're looking for the "Spel liek Cobatl Kidd thred".

Start a new thread, fk.

Tell the truth, Mr. Lad. Are you a bleedin'-heart liberal hillbilly?

I transcend such titles as "liberal" or "conservative" or "moderate" or "philatelist". I'm Rockhopper Lad.

Too bad. "Philatelist" would have earned my vote. Stick a stamp on a bunny and I'm yours.

Well, being part Durlan myself, I think that there is equal opportunity for everyone...

As far as RIc's accent goes, we'll pay for the first ten seessions of therapy, that should be enough to tell ya that there ain't no hope fer youse.

Say whaaaaaat!?!?!?!

Whooa, naw, boyah. Dawn't ewe be a tawkin' bout mah accent. Them thar's fahtin' whuds. Wah, ah never wouhda nevah thawt ewe peepul whuld be mawkin muh akcent.

Ok enough is enough......
Someone get me a Translator please.

He said, "Quit it."

Purt muge.

Candidates!

1)what is your signature dish?

2)what is your favorite Beatles song?*

3)what's in it for me?

*RINGO SONGS DO NOT COUNT!

Quite honestly, I'm surprised the Señor Widebottom/Tom Fatsi dream ticket hasn't been declared.

1) What are you going to do about the sleep deficit?

2) What about the national debit?

1. Royal Doulton with hand-painted periwinkles.

2. "Komm, gib mir deine Hand".

3. We can discuss that privately.

1. Chamomile tea works wonders.

2. I wholeheartedly support the use of debit cards by anyone in the nation.

1) Easy things that taste great. Scrambled eggs with whatever you want in them. Also, fried bacon and onion over cheese ravioli.

2) Revolution

3) Whatever you need, including a statue.

1) Encourage those that are suffering to post more...it helps pass the time.

2) Debit cards using the national reserve sound good to me.

So, do I get free cookies and coffee if I vote?
I only came here for the free cookies and coffee you know! Hmph!!! :rolleyes:

1) Petite brunette, usually very smart and feisty with a sense of humor.

2) Huge fan for a long time, but lately "Help!" or "Day in the Life" stand above the rest.

3) Answer to the riddle of the Sphinx.

1) Encourage more masturbation just before bed time. Everyone will be sleeping like a baby.

2) Slowly work off some of it by clever tax and accounting but in the long run not work off too much. Some national debt it good to keep the rest of the world invested in our continued viability. We just need to get it reasonable to assuage the fears of the media (and ipso facto, the public).

FK, you'll get cookies, coffee and all sorts of other comestibles. If there's one thing we do right at the Rookery, it's serving goodies!

Well that settles it ....count me IN!
LOL

1) Coq au vin.

2) I Am the Walrus

3) A Julian Cope retrospective

Contestants Hoping To Win My Vote!,

1)Why does Fanfic Lady's bunny have a pancake on its head?

2)Who's the Sexiest Legion Worlder Alive 2011?

3)Why shouldn't I vote for your opponents?

1. The bunny wants to have a pancake on his head.

2. Ram Boy, of course.

3. We're cuter, we throw better parties and we have the scantily-clad waitstaff at the Rookery!

1. How many Legion Worlders does it take to change a light bulb?

2. Do you favor military action to deal with the situation over at the DC Message Boards?

3. If you could bring one banned Legion Worlder back for the finale who would it be and why?

1. One, a telekinetic!
2. Yes, nuke it!
3. I'm already back!

1) Where else would it have a panccake? Perv...

2) Timberwolf, two words...Black Leather.

3) Because then you wouldn't be voting for me.

1) three...way, cause that's how Cobie likes it.

2) I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It;s the only way to be sure.

3) I only know f one person that this applies to...Bounty threads in every forum!!! (I kid because I care, Steve...)

1. It's an odd form of reverse-psychology for bunnies.
2. When isn't Mllash not the sexiest?
3. Your inner child tells you to vote for me (hands out candy)

Beware of strangers with Candy!

Luckily folks, I am no stranger, and I know tricks with candy.

(Opens candy wrapper. Puts candy in cleavage. Flexes.

Candy flies into her mouth!)

TADA!!!

TaTa TADA!

Open up, Tracker!

(Opens candy wrapper. Puts candy in cleavage. Flexes.

Candy flies into Tracker's mouth!)

TADA!!!

Campaigners,

If your deputy leader should suddenly be possessed by an evil force

<glares at MLLASH>

which causes him/her/MLLASH to run amok through Legion World, wreaking havoc and shaving cats, how will you deal with the situation?

All RIGHT!

...would this be considered a bribe? I won't tell.

Well it sounds like to me, that the main priority would be the cats. Nobody is in the mood for bad hair days, especially cats.

Then, I would take him/her/Mllash to Cafe Cramer for some coco, hot coco, for well all know the healing and banishing of evil forces properties that hot coco has.

Heavens, no!

(flings another one out)

I'd simply release a bevy of beauties to distract him. That would keep him busy enough to find a cure.

sigh...this is too easy, so I won't even bother.

1. All permutations of that question were answered here!

2. No, I think the best thing everyone can do regarding the DC boards is simply to retcon them out of existence.

3. That entirely depends on what happens in the finale.

Fanfie is good, so that would never happen, but if by some fluke it did, I would reason with her, reminding her that she is the fabulous Fanfic Lady and that no evil force could possibly ever triumph over her!

Tracker, wait till you see what I can do with candy!

1) Which member of the JLA would you say you are the most like?
2) As a representative of business, will your administration grant more contracts?
3) Who would win in this fight: Superman vs. Captain Marvel vs. Captain Atom?

1. Black Canary
2. I suppose, why not
3. Three way tie, ending in sexy orgy!

1. Superman

2. More than what?

3. I would try to get them to work out their differences with words.

That would never make it direct to DVD.

No, it would probably win a Nobel Prize instead.

Tempest,

Your cleavage is FUN! Is there anything else you can pop out of it?

Other candidates,

Sorry, right now I'm fixated on Tempest's talented twins (because they're FUN!). I'll have to get back to you!

Why, dear, I am so glad you asked that, I have in the past done:

A roll of quarters
A bar of soap
A foot long salami stick
Cordless telephone


AND they can also do this, but don't ask me how.

(take a bottle of beer, sticks it in her cleavage and pops it open)

TADA!!!!

Thirsty?

Candidates

If you are not going to get close to Plato's Republic how close to a Monarchy on Pluto can you get?

We'll make Pluto Pup viceroy of his namesake planet.

We'll make Pluto committ ritualistic suicide for irony's sake.

Oh, we won't? Er, Dev, maybe you should take these questions.

I'm a bit concerned with the uber-agressive stance that the candidates have taken towards the DCMBs. While I have no problem, in principle, with the complete eradication of other message boards, whether through nuclear bombardment or retconning, it is important to me that such actions not be taken unilaterally, or for the wrong reasons.

So what assurances can the candidates give me that the complete and total annihilation of the DCMBs will only be undertaken for humanitarian purposes, and with the consent and cooperation of the inter-message board community?

I think Disney might have something to say about that. I don't think we can afford a lawsuit.

I can think of several boards that would gladly join in a coalition against the said DCMB. It's not that I hate the boards there...it's just that they are no fun and while we have saved some from the fate of being stuck there forever...how much longer can the threat they pose be ignored?

After a thousand years of injustice, will Any candidate return Pluto to Planet Status? And if so, who will name me emperor of said planet...?

Vote Seekers!,

Like EDE I too worry about stuff (but without a funny hat on). For instance, I'm currently deeply worried about the scrawny, anemic, (one might say non-existent) pensions that are currently bestowed upon previous esteemed leaders.

How would you address this very pressing matter?

I say it is and always has been a planet. You want it...you got it.

You already have Uranus. You need Pluto too?

I need someone to head up the committee to determine what the current retirement salary should be...as an added all you really have to do is throw some random numbers at me...the rest is easy...relax abnd collect a paycheck.

Ah, Uranus. Lovely place. Kinda brown, but, whaddayagonnado? brown round mounds of renown. Slight smell to the place though.

Candidates,

Imagine this unlikely scenario:

If you had only 3 days to approve Legion World's budget before a worldwide shutdown, would you raise taxes or cut vital programs (such as the pensions of former LMB leaders)?

Ah' say shoot all'a tha polyticians inter oudder space and save evvahbody munney!

I'd have to say a comibination of the two...on an intirem basis.

Potential Potentates!,

Imagine this even BETTER scenario!:

An annual fair, the highlight of which would be a Dunk Legion Tracker In A Tank Of Anti-Crazy Talk Liquid!

Doable?

Very.

Sorry. I'll be on vacation that week.

Disney Schmisney. No one can stop the creation of the Plutopia.

If we start throwing Monarchs on Pluto, Mickey is gonna whip out his Mousketools and beat our arses.

Imagine a falsetto duet between Mickey Mouse and Mickey Thomas of Starship.

Remember, a vote for Rocky/Fanfie ensures that such horrors never become reality.

Coming from someone who has posted Lady Gaga pics...just saying...

Say what you will about Lady Gaga, but she still has better pipes than just about any other white girl currently on the music scene.

meh...

No sppeal to me...notknocking her really, just have no interest.

Lady Gaga dresses funny

If deputy leader, I promise to conquor the DC message boards with great aggression an use the spoils of war to fix budget problems!

Following that, the planet Uranus shall be awarded to which ever posters vote for us!

Are there other white girls on the music scene?

I mostly am subjected to the same nasal reedy voice as all the disney manufactured stars still in puberty.

It's why I think it should be legal to bomb disney with a talent bomb. It would be out of work in three hours.

Its even getting country now, somewhat.

Here ya go...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Bwahahahahahaha!!!

She only does it 'CAUSE SHE'S A FREE BITCH, BABY!!

Yeah...wearing meat is freedom...

Or desperate for attention with daddy issues... or on crack.

Her current video has cocaine excess written all over it...and I'm saying that as a concerned fan.

But I try to stay optimistic. Her idol David Bowie bounced back from his crappy cocaine-fueled "plastic soul" phase with his magnficent "Berlin Trilogy."

She's following the formula set up by several "big" stars. Be outrageous, be loud, and be seen. Talent doesn't matter.

That sums up Madonna in a nutshell.

Gaga, on the other hand, does have talent. Whether she fulfills her potential or not is too early to tell.

I'm with my competitor--Gaga rock and has real talent too!

Cobie, if both our parties lose the election, maybe you and I can run together in 2012 on the Little Monsters ticket.

naw, she dun give it up fer flashin' creepy coochie.

Electioneers!

Several of the MMBs most prominent posters are currently MISSING from active duty! Among them:

cleome
Outdoor...I forgot
and also some others

Should we send a search party to find them, or just throw party and hope they show up?

Just throw a party and hope they show up. They're both legendary drinkers, so I'm confident they'll come running.

I believe everyone is within their right to take an hour break here or there...

I agree that throwing a party is the best strategy. And, of course, the Rookery is legendary for its incredible parties.

So I went to the Lady Gaga concert in Toronto the other day.......

It's not gonna work, FK. We've said all that needs to be said about Gaga...

UNTIL THE NEXT SINGLE AND VIDEO!!

Was she wearing frozen meat?

Way to shoot down the voters...

I think the voters will find my candor refreshing.

Candidates!

I just received a pm! Here is the full text:

Can you explain this OUTRAGE!

Obviously, it wasn't sent by my campaign, Rammy. We are unambiguous in our belief that you are unquestionably attractive and funny!

I for one am outraged at the blatant attempts to bribe voters!

What has democracy come to when the politicians are offering bribes rather than taking them?

A Rocky/Fanfie administration would make certain that all former leaders and deputy leaders would have a comfortable pension. After all, we'll need it someday ourselves!

naw, the fat grease had melted all over her and the meat had fallen off. so she was left with standing on the stage lookin' stringy and greasy. Several dogs ran up and tried to bite her.

Wasn't me or Cobie my friend...we wouldn't just post about it...your account would be fatter.

HEEEEEEEEY! Were you at the concert as well Rick??? Next time say hello ok?

"I think the voters will find my candor refreshing."

Ain't them buhd's extanked?

Did you JUST discover cut and paste tonight big guy?

Before tonight he thought it was eat and paste.

;-)

Redneck tirade coming up in 6...4...3...2...1...

Candidates: Someone (who may or not be in my employ) offered unlimited barrels of beer and whiskey to citizens who refuse their ballots and riot in the streets because there are no local professional sports teams.

The papers are calling it the Sports BAR Putsch.

This is in contrast to the last week's revolution where someone offered free Yoga Vouchers to the women in the running clinic if they ran in place instead of running in the election, which was aptly named the SPORTS BRA Putsch.

These sports putschists are led by a crazed faction of Philadelphia Sports Fanatics. What do the candidates intend to do about these hooligans and does it involve taxpayer subsidies to build a new stadium for my professional cricket team.

I think the most appropriate sports team for Legion World would be an exhibition men's gymnastics team.

After we provide for them, then we'll build your cricket field.

Candidates,

While I'm not saying that I believe that you are in fact a Reptillian shape-shifter from Alpha Draconis, I do find it puzzling that none of you have submitted to the one simple test that will establish once and for all that you are not.

So, will you or will you not volunteer to have one of your limbs chopped off to see if it regenerates, reptillian-style?

That seems more than reasonable.

Also, I have an axe!

While I believe it would impede my ability to govern were I to lose a limb, I will be more than willing to have the tip trimmed from one of the claws at the end of my webbed feet (similar to a human's toenail) to show that it would not regenerate any faster than it normally would for any healthy Pyngwyn.

Nope.