1) People think you're cool and admire all that posting you did.
2) The board immediately changes and you have access to the "All-Nightcrawler Forum".
3) You're banned and your username is then given to MLLASH so he changes the password. Soon you're username is used in LMB storylines, usually as a sextastic LMB villainess.
4) You were already MLLASH to begin with, so it doesn't really matter.
5) You realize that 20,000 is a much cooler milestone but getting there will likely drive you insane.
6) You can still see the difference between Inane Post threads and threads about why TMK was either good or bad.
7) You retire from posting forever.
8) You no longer have the ability to kill threads.
9) You immediately remember who all the minor Legion characters are.
10) You suddenly remember all of the retcons of tghe Legion, and can discuss in detail the 4,632,315 distinct alternate boots of the team that have actually been published.
11) When you say 'Bah' other posters computer screens go black for a few seconds.
12) When you say 'Feh', other posters simply explode.
13) you get a list of everybody else's alt-IDs (you'd be surprised how many "people" are actually Fat Cramer).
14) You acquire artistic ability, if you previously had none.
15) Paul Levitz invites you to dinner.
16) Cute cartoon forest creatures and birds become your posse.
17) Purple robes suddenly become fashionable.
18) You instantly understand when another poster is trying to be ironic or sarcastic, without their having to use smilies.
19) You learn how to type things like ♦
20) You realize that all of Cobie's alleged 'misspellings' are actually part of the very Code that governs our Matrix-like existence.
21) You realize that an impossibly high goal (like 10,001 things) is attainable.
22) You find that maintaining the top post count is much more fun than attaining it.
23) You discover that antelope and Penelope don't rhyme.
24) You tolerate other people's mistakes.
25) You never make a typing mistak again.
26)You spend lots of time
at certain posters antics...
27) Keith Giffen offers to kill off your least favorite Legionnaire.
28) Your least favorite Legionnaire becomes Karate Kid.
29) Everyone says that you look fantastic in low-cut spandex, metallic sashes, and thigh-high boots.
30) But they say your spouse looks even more fantastic in them.
31) When you die, you get reincarnated as a lurker.
32) You get to visit the Time Trapper clubhouse on a mind-bogglingly beautiful Polynesian island in the distant past, before it was ruined by commercialism.
33) You get to bet on sporting events of the past in the past, and you always win since you can look up the outcome beforehand.
34) You get to autograph-hunt among all the big-name people, before they are big names.
35) You get to pose for a free Leonardo da Vinci portrait.
36) You have a realistic appreciation of numbers
37) you realize Quis is destined to with the "kill this thread" competition.
38) you realize Abin takes things far too seriously.
39) you learn that the LMBP really did not exist before Legion World; Cobie just makes up those 'old stories.'
40) you get your very own time bubble.
41) You can transform sound into light, and vice versa.
42) Deep Thought explains it all to you.
43) You get your own personalized version of the Legion comic monthly, with creators chosen by you.
(44) The IRS looks the other way when you write off flight ring insurance and transmatter depreciation as business expenses.
45) You can now claim depreciation on your spouse as a business expense.
46) Chrysler will make a car Tamper Lad would like to buy.
47) Legion World is given a bailout and each Time Trapper is awarded $546.43 per post, while lesser classes settle for 43 cents/post.
48) You have a wealth of entirely new ideas for threads.
49) Small children flock to you.
50) Your entourage effectively deal with all the paparazzi
51) You begin to realize just how long one of these threads can linger and get bumped every so often so they essentially can run for 5-10 years.
52) You don't look ridiculous in a yellow Speedo.
53) Your wife says, "Now, you truly are a man!"
54) You gain the artistic prowess of veryvery, Sketch Lad, and MLLASH, to name a few. George Perez asks for tips.
55) Your wife finally stops nagging you. (as if :rolleyes: )
56) You find out all the straight posters have turned gay, and all the gay posters have turned straight.
57) All the bisexual posters have turned asexual, and vice versa. They sit on the sidelines munching popcorn and sniggering at your bewilderment. Oh, and at those socks you always wear for Time Trapping.
58) You get a company car.
59) You look better with your shirt off rather than on.
60) Three words: Minty fresh breath.
61) You can wear elven epaulets in public without anyone laughing at you.
62) Geoff Johns builds next Summer's super-ultra-fantastically-amazing crossover event around YOU!!
63) You can rid your favorite sitcom of those noxious laugh tracks, just by willing it!
64) The currency exchange will always favor you, no matter where in the galaxy you travel on vacation.
65) Three words:
TWELVE!
INCH!
PENIS!(Yes, even the female Trappers--right, FC?
)
67) You can fix all those broken home appliances free, via telekinesis.
Originally posted by Fat Cramer:
66) Optional surgery....
(luv ya, FC!
)
68) Every bar you go to is automatically an open bar.
69) You alone decide which seemingly innocuous number, word or phrase will become the next internet-wide snerk-worthy double entendre. (You will also be the sole determiner of its shelf life in that capacity.)
70) You suddenly develop the ability to freeze wood.
71) You still don't have the ability to win every Ebay competition.
72) The ghost of Rip Taylor materializes and showers you with confetti...
73)...followed by the ghosts of Wayland Flowers and Madame who sings "Seventy-Six Trombones".
74) You get a major-league contract in the sport of your choice, along with the chance to endorse your favorite beer and receive free cases of it for life.
75) A new religion develops around you, and you begin wearing a white suit (keeping the purple robe as a cape).
76) You send the purple robe out for drycleaning and they don't lose the hood.
77) No more ingrown hairs or toenails.
78) You become governor of Alaska.
79) You are given a secret identity.
80) Land a job at a large metropolitan newspaper.
81) Lifetime immunity from all computer viruses!
82) Ice cream no longer contains calories.
83) You suddenly look sexy in a speedo.
84) Buffed young dudes in Speedos follow you around, begging to add you as their "special" Facebook friend.
85) "Sexy" becomes your middle name automatically.
86. Now able to wear a Grell/Cockrum era Legion costume.
86a) Because you now have magnetic nipples!
87. Now able to speak with Dave Cockrum on the astral plane. (He's doing great, BTW. Al Williamson also sends his regards.)
89. You can kill unsightly weeds in the yard with just a single touch!
90) Hygiene maintenance no longer necessary--Time Trapper powers take care of that automatically!
92. A five-octave vocal range. Easy as pie!
94) You get to peek inside Senor Widebottom's amazingly oversized pantaloons!
95) You're under-arms smell like cinnamon!
96) Matching sock always found!
97) Your time machine never breaks down.
98) You no longer need sleep, food, regular exercise, expensive support garments, or the kind sentiments of your peers to-- KICK BUTT AND TAKE NAMES!!11
99) You can successfully cajole the fifth dentist to recommend Trident gum
100)
![[Linked Image]](http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l56/Goldenbow/Yourposts.gif)
101. Your snow globe collection makes the Guinness Book.
102. All the cash you've ever mislaid/misplaced in your life comes back to you.
103. You get invited to dinner by people you've never even met.
104. Summer blockbusters never, ever disappoint you. Not even a little.
105. You no longer need coffee to wake up in the morning.
106. Your blood now contains nanites that will guarantee you quality TV reception everywhere you go.
107. They let you drive the forklift without undergoing the training course.
108. Access to alternate universe where MST3K was never cancelled.
109 You can only travel 186,000 miles per second, it's not just a good ideal it's the law!
110. Earn your post count in Euros every month.
111. Choice seating and complimentary meals at all Zagats-rated restaurants.
112. Your poop no longer stinks.
113 First in line for any new Apple product
114. You get to pay for new Apple product with your poop.
115. cleome comes to your front door dressed in a perky Time Trapper costume and sings the good news while tap dancing.
116. You get to cut any line at Comic Con
117. Chief Taylor manages three posts in a row lot related to poop.
118 You get to play chess with Brainiac.
119. You can instantly recall any moment, any panel, that has ever appeared in DC comics.
120. Your poop is used to permanently solve the fuel crisis.
Originally posted by Kent:
119. You can instantly recall any moment, any panel, that has ever appeared in DC comics.
121. You become Mark Waid?
(MW has impacted Legion timelines at least as much as any TT!
)
122. Your poop becomes a contraceptive.
123. You get to show up live for Stevie Wonder's guest shot on Sesame Street.
Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester:
122. Your poop becomes a contraceptive. ^
<strike>124. You start inexplicably mistaking innocent words for more provocative ones.</strike>
Oh, wait...maybe that
does happen!
(It would only be noteworthy around here if a day went by without that happening.)
<span style="font-size: 10px;">Damn kids these days. No respect.</span>
124. Them damn kids start showin' some damn respect!
125. Your Broadway musical version of Threeboot Legion ("Nostalgia Ain't What It Used To Be") sweeps the 3010 Tonys!
126. Giffen's descendants launch a "10,001 Dead Karate Kids" musical to compete.
127. You get the lead part in 10,001 Dead Karate Kids.
128. Dr. Mayavale and Thora are cast in supporting roles
129. Rocky doesn't scold you for being noisy in the library.
129a. Unless you want me to!
130. Absolute, undisputed power over which cultural references truly qualify as "dated."
131. You obtain the ability to block LSH continuity nitpicking from being driven into the ground on the Legion topics.
132. You can bump locked threads, just to totally mess with everyone's minds.
133. Free high-quality cashmere for life. Robes, sweaters, hats, scarves... you name it.
Originally posted by Chief Taylor:
131. You obtain the ability to block LSH continuity nitpicking from being driven into the ground on the Legion topics.
if only!
134. You get the New Wave fans and the Alternative Rock fans together and no fistfights break out.
135. You get compared to a kiss from a rose on the grave.
136. 100% ethical corporations gift you with high-yield stocks that split more times in a year than
137. You begin to wonder what things on this list might actually happen when you're a double time trapper or even a triple trapper.
139. You always get the correct ratio of peanuts to other varieties of nut in the dishes at the bar.
140. people mistake you for their favorite celeb... but only when you're in the mood for the extra attention.
141. Your car never requires repair as long as you keep a Legion symbol on the plates.
142. Meter maids worship you, so your car never gets towed again.
143. Your car never runs out of gas, and never needs refueling.
144. Various cultural nostalgia revivals only focus on the stuff you like.
145. Kids agree with you that the stuff you didn't like when you were their age was crap.
146. All the great local groups that you never got to see in the Nineties play a free reunion concert in the park five blocks away.
146a. Heroin dealers make a killing that night.
Originally posted by Ramble Damsel:
146a. Heroin dealers make a killing that night.
Not if I have anything to say about it.
Originally posted by Ramble Damsel:
146a. Heroin dealers make a killing that night.
146b. <strike>Heroin dealers</strike> The Food Bank sets out 1,000 donation barrels and they make a killing that night.
<strike>Fixed!</strike> Rehabbed!
146c. You gain the ability to transform opiates into canned goods or clothing.
147. You can turn the poetry in The New Yorker 100% good!
148. Your caption wins The New Yorker cartoon contest.
149. Those "male enhancement" products actually work!
150. The Continuity Cops actually listen to what you say in the tone it was presented rather than how they read only what they want into your words.
151. People find your sense of humor funny rather than disturbing.
152. Ramble Damsel listens to
American Idiot at my urging and realizes that Green Day is actually pretty good! (I mean who couldn't like "Jesus of Suburbia"?!?
)
153. Ramble Damsel informs the Chief that she didn't even like "Jesus of Suburbia" and wishes Billie Joe Armstrong would cut out his own tongue so he couldn't sing anymore...or what passes for singing.
154. Coffee grinders are not allowed to die on you anymore.
155. Even the shoddiest mp3 sounds like pristine vinyl.
156. You can train squirrels to dig up weeds, instead of your perennial bulbs.
157. Your favorite childhood TV star reveals that you were their favorite fan all along.
158. 11,001 posts in <span style="font-size: 17px;">
just one weekend!!11</span>
159. Guilt-free inane posting sprees.
160. your avatar posts without you; in the morning you get to read all the witty things it wrote as you while you were off-board.
161. Grits no longer scare the bejeezus out of you.
162. You master one musical instrument of your choice.
163. The world finally quits that hack Anne Taintor and throws buckets of money at your collage work, instead.
164. The New York Times Best Seller List? You get to make it up.
165. Gets cuchi-cooed by Charo at a Legion World Roast.
166. News media calls you for your opinion on important matters.
167. You get to throw out the first pitch at the opening of the 3011 Moopsball All-Star Games.
168. You are granted citizenship in all countries of the world, and free transportation to whichever port you want.
169. An award ceremony that culminates with you atop a giant pyramid, wearing sun-god robes, while hundreds of sexy worshippers cheer and throw tiny pickles at you.
170. You become perfectly cut and buff without touching a weight or setting foot in a gym.
171. You become a master of all weapons, as the skills of great conquerors through history are downloaded into your brain.
172. You never double post again.
173. Kathy Ireland from her swimsuit model days does not visit you with drinks and a happy attitude.
174. Everyone thinks you're just the most awesome entity in the existence of time and can't help but worship the ground you walk on.
175. You get the coveted 'get out of jail free' card, and any previous criminal convictions are sealed and buried.
176. You gain the ability to erase certain people from existence.
Remember Obnoxious Lad?
Of course you don't.
177. You get to wear something other than those icky purple robes!
178. All the retcons are reconned out of exsistence
179. Home-baked treats never go stale, even months after they come out of the oven.
180. Dinosaurs come back to life and rule Earth.
181. Hostess stays in business
183. Posters do not skip the dreaded number 182.
184. All deleted threads are restored.
185. Your love life doesn't improve as it turns out no one in history finds dirty purple robes attractive.
186. You never quite get to finish those list threads.
1001 reasons? Bah, you'll get stuck at 593.
187. You think that you'll have time to listen to all those jazz records. But We Have All the Time in the World now has a very unsettling meaning.
188. You think you can learn to forgive and let things go. But instead you just have plenty of time to reflect and remember all the bad things...
189. You do NOT become head of the grand mystic royal order of the nobles of the Kraa' Makeck Shrine!
Darn it!
190. You do not get to create your own pocket universes.
191. You don't even get to have a robe with pockets because of that whole pocket universe thing.
192. You don't even get a posh fanny pack to keep your things in!
193. They don't let you have the co-oridinates to the frosty frothy planet of playtex bikini babes of Bodacious 11.