LMBers and Legion Worlders, let me be brief.

Cake, long known to be an enemy of pie, is under arrest for not being as fulfilling, and being a general one-trick pony.

I propose we sentence it to death by firing it in into the sun via an atomic cannon.

It is up for you to decide. All yays count as yay, and all abstinations also count as yay. Any Legion Worlder who does not vote, including the 10,000+ alt IDs and lurkers will count as yay.

I guess the nays could count as nay.

Lets let democracy take hold from here on.

I'd be happy to represent cake in this matter, Des. Just...give me some time alone with my client....

Cobie, I just have two arguements for the sparing of cake- chocolate and cheese.


Viva la cake!

As I wait for some alone time with my client...I should point out that Marie Antoinette never said, "let them eat pie!"

Cake: It's so good it has the power to distract angry mobs from beheading their rulers!

You've obviously never had my mom's Lemon Meringue Cake

Cobalt Kid, no matter how highly in regard I may esteem our friendship, I will fight the wanton condemnation and destruction of cake with my dying breath.

cake!

Sorry Cobie, but I'm against you on this one.

Life without cheesecake just isn't worth living.

Cobie, all the things you accuse Cake of are not Cake's fault. Rather, like so many of us, Cake is the victim of our souless, consumerist, reductionist, materialist society.

Once upon a time there were great regional Cakes in this country--the misnamed but delicious Boston Cream Pie, the demonically good Southern Red Cake, the New York Cheese Cake, the California Carrot Cake, the Texas Angel Food, to name just a few.

Then, Cake was seduced by the Birthday and Wedding Industrial Complexes. "We'll make you bigger than ever, Cake" they whispered in his frosting. In fact, they have reduced him to a bland, homogenized, McDonaldized commodity, a sad empty shell of his former glory, unappreciated, just a sickly sweet gateway to gifts.

Please, Cobie, don't sentence Cake to punishment for the sins of this sick society. Spare Cake, and do your own little part to restore him to his former greatness.

And let's not forget Cake's musical contributions: instant classics like "The Distance", "Frank Sinatra" and a kewl remake of "I Will Survive" among several others!

I don't like cake's name. Cake...that's what bad drag queens do with their make-up. Plus, cake rhymes with a bunch of other less than appealing words. For instance; fake, rake, break, ache, wake, flake, earthquake. And put "cup" in front of it and it becomes cupcake. And that's SEXIST!

If it's between pie and cake. I'll take pie any day. Blast cake off into the sunset!

Until Ram Boy brought up the earthquake issue, I hadn't realized how devious cake is.


Toss the damn fluffy thing.

This thread really takes the cake.

I accuse this court of being a bunch of mangiacakes. Go back to your cucumber finger sandwiches and end this farce.

Hear, hear.

cake > pie

That is all.

Oooo our spicy little lady is looking to throw down I think. Where's Lash when I need him?

Why, you can't take her by yourself?

No I can't. She's muy Caliente, and I'm merely Spong-ito.

Members of Legion World, I'd like to point out that No pie would EVER show up at a social function looking like THIS!

And this is AFTER I edited out the "Baby Ruth". Shameless!

YAY for cake in all its forms and flavours! Pie crust is so demanding.

Cake is so good when cooked in a pie crust with a little filling between cake layers. Is a war here really necessary? They seem to get along so well.

If it isn't a family secret, would you be willing to share the recipe, Quis? I like lemon stuff and this sounds intriguing.

Well I have to say, mom was never good at making the meringue. Basically, it is a chocolate sheet cake. You then use the lemon pie filling mix that you would for a pie on top and then the meringue. I'll see if I can find the exact recipe at my Dad's.

I object,

If these dessert liberals don't stop pushing the envelope there will be a backlash from the zealous pie fundamentalists. To them the intermixing of pie filling and cake is an affront to the sugary purity of cake and pie.

Call me old fashioned but I was never big on the mixing of the desserts. But this is a new era, so maybe I'm behind the times.

DoubleChinner made some very good arguements about the commercial seduction of cake. Like Caligula, cake had a horrible early life despite having such great potential. But also like Caligula, cake has long been known for a campaign of murder, cannibalism and sexual perversion. And as Ram Boy pointed out, all those Earthquakes in California are generally cake's fault.

Sure, I like a good show of mercy like any liberal. But I'm not convinced that we shouldn't drag cake through the streets and cover it with tar and feathers, and then shoot it into the sun, while enjoying its horrible screams like a fine symphany, while sipping a fine glass of aged single malt scotch.

I think you should cover the cake with whipped cream and coconut rather than tar and feathers.

My grandmother used to use some sort of cement based frosting. You had to crack it with a chisel. I hate cake.

Blame your grandmother, not cake.

Cake has a history of being duplicitious. How many criminals were smuggled a file in a cake? It's always kidnapping girls and hiding them inside...

The only thing ever hidden in a pie is a plum (or 4-and-twenty blackbirds)

I choose to blame Little Debbie, Empress of Evil.

I blame Mr Kipling.

He was the "Pimp Daddy" of pies AND cakes.

Why can't we be more like him and just love EVERYBODY.

Or is that Cobie I just described?

You've just gotta love that guy.

Curse that Kipling and his imperialistic cake. Give me the Revolutionary Republican Raspberry Flan.

Flan is wet cake.

What about soufflé?

What is the stance on soufflé?

Is it cake?

Or is it congealed vomit?

Enquiring minds want to know.

One of the things that cake has going for it (that pie usually doesn't) is frosting.

Frosting makes everything better! (Well, frosting makes everything that's sweet better; gravy makes everything that's savory better.)

But, in any event... can't we all just get along? I don't want to leave LW feeling like some kind of cake/pie civil war might break out and tear asunder the community.

Yes, Stu...if you leave and the civil war breaks out--IT'S ALL ON YOU!!!!

I'm not sure if I'd rather be hit with a pie, or a cake.

Does meringue count as frosting?

Admit that pie is superior or I will drop this moist double layer chocolate cake into the dirt!!!!

Y-you monster...!

If this escalates any further, the LMBP Leader may be forced to declare Operation: Dessert Storm.

I have proof that STU has WMDs (Whoopie pies of Mass Deliciousness)

Back away from the cake mister. No one needs to get hurt today.

Boston Creme Pie is superior!

Now give me the cake.

Thanksgiving weekend up here, so I succumbed to apple pie. Although my taste allegiance is with cake, I'm a bit of a traditionalist.

And squash pie. When I was a kid, we always had "pumpkin" pie because I didn't like squash.

I would urge any pie loyalists to be extremely wary of Boston cream pie. This self-professed "pie" is actually nothing more than two layers of yellow cake and a meager layer of custard, barely disguised by a thin veil of chocolate glaze. Boston cream "pie" is therefore significantly more cake than pie.

I wouldn't be surprised if Boston cream pie turns out to be the Benedict Arnold of the impending cake/pie civil war!

Something else else else that pie loyalists should carefully consider: very few -- if any -- true pies include chocolate. In contrast, chocolate has a long history in the proud cake heritage. It's a part of many, many cakes, as well as the frosting that adorns them. Who can turn down a moist, delicious devil's food cake, capped with a rich, deep chocolate frosting? I ask you: who can argue with chocolate?

In contrast, consider that many pies are little more than crust-covered delivery vehicles for fruit. Pies thus veer perilously close to the "good for you" food groups.

Just a little food for thought...

Also: with which side will the supporters of the other baked goods ally themselves? Will the cookie, brownie, and doughnut loyalists declare allegiance to the cake cause or to the pie movement?

The answer to that question could turn the tide of the cake/pie civil war.

One of my friends when I was growing up was allergic to chocolate. So, whenever any of our group had a birthday party, the cake and frosting could not be chocolate.

Chocolate allergy? Good grief, Charlie Brown!

I'll concede that chocolate is an often used weapon in the Cake Mafia's quest for world domination. But we Pie Patriots have our own powerful weapon - rhubarb.

Pumpkin cake may be as good as pumpkin pie, but I was reminded that no one would eat a chicken pot cake, or a steak and kidney cake.

Actually, I just picked up a copy of the Oregonian, ant it has in it a recipe for Chicken Pot Cake.

I'm just sayin'...

I haven't weighed in on this matter. If absolutely pushed to the wall, I would pick cake over pie; however, both must bow to the vast superiority of cookies.

There are no bad dessert choices. There are only (thanks to the evil of MegaloMart-style bakeries) bad desserts.

Let no class of dessert suffer unjust punishment for the misdeeds of individual desserts, for all are worthy in the eyes of the Supreme Sweet Tooth. Yes, that includes (in a pinch) cinnamon toast, not to mention the culinary wonder that is my Mom's recipe for Baked Apples.

Thank You, and have a great week, LMB.

I say this matter should be decided on quality of each individual dessert, not a blanket indictment against an entire type of dessert. A good cake trumps a bad pie, and a good pie is better than bad cake.

Don't judge a dessert only by a broad label!

All cakes (cake...blech) MUST BE DESTROYED!

Except, of course, cheesecake, which is essentially a confused pie.

And possibly red-velvet cake. Because it's just too much trashy fun.

Also, if we destroy coffee cake, we'll upset like a zillion old ladies. So I guess that one gets a pass.

But lemon-chiffon and bundt definitely MUST BE DESTROYED!

(bundt...blech)

I thought the Invaders wiped out the Bundt in the '40s.

Hurray!

(DIE, LEMON-CHIFFON!)

Bundt I'll give you. And angel food.

But German chocolate cake? Strawberry shortcake (not the cartoon)? rum cake? no way; they're keepers.

YES! They just surrendered angel food cake!

(Now, Kent, strawberry shortcakes - as anyone can tell you - are actually fabulously gay biscuits)

(depends on how they are made. they can be made with pound cake. or as an actual full cake, with layers of strawberries and cream)

mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, that's interesting. But just remember the old saying: If it looks like a cake and acts like a cake, it's probably some totally trashed debutante in a really puffy ball gown.

Suddenly I crave trifle. I don't know why. I'm not even British.

Trifle is cake salad.

(blech)

Surely you jest. How else could one get away with consuming gelatine AND sherry together in mid-day-- in public yet?

Sends a Boston Cream Pie to Tamper Lad.

I present the following evidence in cake's defense. Pie is the real culprit.

With the film festival taking over the ritzy part of town, I suggest that this piece of coconut cream pie from Scaramouche is the real villain. Cake could not have possibly made you fat your Honor. It was this pie.

A tiny 310 gram slice of this pie has 65 grams of fat and 990 calories. Good thing too, at 13 dollars for the slice, it's pretty much all I'm eating for the day.

I would like to make the argument for balance.

Pie on Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday.

Cake on Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday.

Brownies on Monday.

Pie on Thanksgiving and Easter Sunday.

Cake on Chirstmas and my birthday.

No rooom for Jell-o???

with the main course. Jell-o is a protein, right?

I'm hearing from backroom channels that this would be unacceptable to the pie fanatics. They claim brownies are cake.

They would only accept if pie's savory allies: Danish, Croissant, Pot Pie, Wellington, Quiche and Jamaican Patty get to form the largest block in the rotations of mains.

Technically, brownies are a bar cookie and not a cake. If we make Monday cookie day (which by definition can include brownies), would that be acceptable to all?

Of course, if I had my druthers, every day would be cookie day.

Rocky, rather than searching for your missing druthers, you could always just capture all the Keebler elves and enslave them. That way, you'd be guaranteed a never-ending supply of cookies AND fudge.

(Hint: They're extremely loyal to their leader. You may have to have him executed.)

I don't know how well that would work. Most mass-produced cookies are meh!

Of course, Keebler does own the rights to Sunshine cookies and, so owns Hydrox, which are now longer made (except for a special run a couple years back to celebrate its hundredth anniversary). Taking them over could force them to bring back the original chocolate sandwich cookie that the silly usurper Oreo marketed into obscurity. Yes, you heard a-right. Hydrox was the original, beating Oreo out by four years!

Still, enslaving the Keebler Elves seems a bit extreme.

Rocky, Keebler cookies are "mass-produced" by magical elves who live in a hollow tree. If you enslave them, you could force them to mass-produce magical fudge bombs which you could then use to annihilate that shady Nabisco outfit.

I might have considered something like that back when I was a minion of Evil Lash, but I think that would be a bit harsh.

Of course, I could always send a nasty frost to the hollow tree...

Rocky, as usual, you're right!

I let my passion for PIE! get in the way of my good judgment. There is absolutely no reason to enslave the Keebler elves and force them to make bombs (unless, of course, Germany starts getting all crazy again).

Ram Boy, please lt this be a lesson to rein in your passions before they lead to the dark side. Enjoy your pie. Let others enjoy their cake in peace.

Rather than enslavement and war manufacturing, the Keebler Elves should be encouraged to take a course in desserts (general) and set up an artisan baked goods shop. Peace on Earth, good will to all desserts.

What foolishly liberal policy.

While co-existence with other desserts (like cake, trifle, tiramisu and pudding) is possible they must pledge allegiance to the most Legion Worldish of all desserts Apple Pie. We must recognize Legion World began as a Pie Nation and it remains a Pie Nation.

These Keebler Elves come here and plant their hollow trees in the center of our great cities and and try to fatten up our children with their transfat-laden lie of dessert known as cookies. Their trees are simply a victory pyre to their victory over pie.

NO BLOOD FOR CHOCOLATE!!

(No, not even for German chocolate.)

[grows hair even longer, smokes dope, hugs tree]

As long as we're sending other parents' kids and I get to manage the distribution of the chocolate in a fair but not necessarily equitable fashion, I do not see an issue with "King Chocolate" driving LW's foreign policy.

This is necessary because of Cake's popularity. We could reduce dependance on foreign chocolate if only we could return to Pie. So don't blame this Administration for our Chocolate policy, blame yourselves. Alternately if you want to feel good about your lifestyle choices, do as I do and scapegoat the Keebler Elves for pushing their chocolate varieties upon us.

Tell me, can you decorate a pie like this?

Why is Batman a King, but Alan Scott is only a Jack?

Batman was a bigger seller than Alan Scott.

Incidentally, I pity those who have never experienced the wonder that is Chocolate Cream Pie, Germanitude optional.

[throws patchouli-scented water balloons at Tamper, then covers the entire board with tie-dye]

Okay, this seems like the perfect opportunity to plug "Antique Bakery". The manga, the movies, tv shows are all great.

This is fun:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH6OUhLNDlI&feature=related

This makes me hungry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je6tWXNmSZ4&feature=related

Spooky. I just heard somebody talking about Antique Bakery on another board a couple of days ago.



Now there'll probably be a U.S. version where they completely misunderstand the source material, right?

(That first link is making me think of Corinne Bailey Rae's "Choux Pastry Heart." Maybe she's a secret Manga/Anime fan, too!)

The Korean movie and the live action television series have already strayed from the source material. The central concept is solid enough that the variations can still be fun. I would love to see a U.S. version.

You realize that my favorite men's fragrances have either a sandlewood or patchouli base notes.

Pie would like to nominate baklava for the position of dessert of the week.

Baklava is more pie than cake, but in the spirit of world peace, I'll eat some.

Yeah, that's how it starts. Then one day you wake up to find yourself knee deep in Birks, Braids (a la Willie Nelson) 'N Banjos.

Quote

Pie would like to nominate baklava for the position of dessert of the week.

Points for the effort at alliteration, though.

Speaking of desserts and hippies, here's a funny story from today's Globe and Mail.

Should have stuck with pie I suppose.

HA! Thanks, Tamper Lad! The evidence against cake continues to mount!

More proof that cake and cake-like concoction lovers are either stoners or so oblivious that they don't even KNOW that they're stoners!

Brownies are not cake.

Ram Boy continues to grasp at straws. He's had 7 pages to mount a case....

and failed.

Here's something for you cake-lovers to chew on when you're not chewing on your cakes:

Marie Antoinette, queen of evil and all around spendthrift, was a notorious cake-lover and look what happened to her.

Phwwwwwt-kerPLUNK!

(those are scary and ominous guillotine sounds)

Vive la PIE!

Actually, Rammy, the original quote "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" invokes brioche, not cake. It was also not spoken by Marie Antoinette.

The reason for the confusion, Rocky, is probably because she instructed one of her malnourished servants to say it for her and they messed it up.

(Also, I'm pretty sure she outlawed cookies and ate penguin burgers)

Just for the record, I enjoy cake and pie equally.

nor have I anything against pies. I love many desserts.

but extremism of any color must be opposed - especially when people make it their mission to exterminate what they do not like.

Mmmm chocolate brioche. I sneak out early on Saturday and bring home a basket of those for breakfast. Warm them in the toaster oven. Mmmmmm.

Be that as it may, the best New Year's Eve I ever had was because of a piece of pot brownie and a really good glass of Pinot Noir.

Since it is the eve of the chinese harvest festival I present mooncake . Traditionally they are made with pastry wrapping a confection of sweetened lotus paste containing salted duck eggs. Its like eating salted eggs embedded in peanut butter.

I do not enjoy this confused cake/pie hybrid confection (the variety that contains chinese proscuitto is especially disgusting) however I admit to cavorting with lotus eaters of a different kind.

A lady who works for me at the Library brought mooncakes in yesterday for us all to try. They were interesting.

"Lotus Eater" is too high-toned for me. Think I'll just stick with "Smelly Hippie."

"You can't OWN property, Maaaaannnn!"

Maria Antionetta de Bourbon nee von Habsburg informs me that the unwashed hippie masses can have all the brownies they want.

Le president de l'Estates General has affirmed that "Gateau est un domaine royal."

So I ask you LW, haven't we've had it with the current system and their taxes on everything except cake (which we aren't even allowed to eat)? Why don't we revolt and turn over control of the system to an enlightened bourgeois (possibly me, an oligarchy led by me, or at least under a constitutional framework that assures me, heirs, and chosen successors) that will allow everyone to choose cake, pie and the other thing?

After all we're all born with the right to cake, pie or the other thing.

I'll help install anyone who promises me a new paid gig once they're firmly ensconced in high office. Sweeping floors in the warehouse just doesn't sate my intellect like it used to. Can't I sweep floors in the kitchen of some ruthless despot's fabulously appointed mansion instead?

and work your way up to Kitchen Staff Supervisor?

Bah! Just as we were on the verge of our greatest victory, the No Cake Ever At All For Anyone Not Even At Birthdays Or Weddings (DIE!-Cake-DIE!) Movement seems to have lost steam! In order to regain some momentum it's obvious what we'll have to do: regroup, re-strategize and come up with colorful new fliers.

I'm also thinking a peppy, "fun-loving" mascot (Pie-Hole Pete, for instance) might soften our image a bit.

Indeed. My current social and financial status is proof enough of how adept I am at applying my lips to the posteriors of the rich and powerful.

Piece of... uh, cake.

just a few days ago I bought my wife a Dairy Queen Ice cream cake, just 'cause

Awww.

That's both sweet and politically neutral. Good job.

I'm fixing a rhubarb "buckle" later today, which is not a fancy-pants ornament worn by revivalist line-dancers, but in fact just cake with a folksy reclaimed monicker.

So it was time to bump this thread.

Ah, Ram Boy... we hardly knew ye'.

I move for a dismissal of the charge against cake. It is stale.

Okay, but I'm still hanging onto my short skirt AND my long jacket. Because you never know.

Wow! LW legends Kent, Deddy, Ram, Miner, Cleome, Rocky Tamper and Quis all within a few posts of each other on the cake thread! Crumbs!

Don't hold back, thoth lad. We need to know which side you're on.

P.S. - The rhubarb (buckle/)cake was a big success. Took it to an MST3K viewing party and it was gone in about 20 minutes.

If anyone wants to try it, get to the library for this book: Rustic Fruit Desserts

I don't bother with fou-fou ingredients like "Ultra-fine Byzantium Gold sea salt" or whatever but it still turned out well. These are local bakers, but I don't think I've ever checked their place out.

Cake was unjustly accused, as evidenced by the rapid devouring of the rhubarb buckle. Any more accusations and some of us will have to call on the Cake Innocence Project for support.

Hi! This is Khfeurb Chee Bez with your Legion World News.

Tonight's headlines: More clashes between the Cake Innocence Project and the Pie Protection Agency. Persistent Eccling from the Cakes demonstration seems to have incited the Pie Agency, resulting in reports of assault and Battenberg and some cakes becoming Angels. A request for a statement from the Pie Protection Agency was met with a tart response.

That PPA spokesman always was a crusty old guy.

He crumbles under pressure though.

I for one am tired of his crew getting in my face all the time.

Well, I want my cake and I want to eat it too. Which in this case means that the cake is a pie and.... arrgh...confussled....

The "Pake" (cake in a piecrust) subplot on Drop Dead Diva confused a lot of people. But at least it made Stacy super-rich after she sold the company!

Wow, it's incredible to note Doublechinner's impassioned defense of cake 10 years ago!

Speaking of the decade flying by, it's telling that the awesome/awful board Cake Wrecks is still going strong, though you can no longer purchase that epic/disturbing pennant featuring a doll-like baby astride a giant frosting carrot. (I missed my chance! ) But I don't believe a Pie Wrecks site exists.

Probably because a certain surviving U.S. cookware maker would've sued them out of existence within 10 days time.

Psst! Yeah, You! Quit moping outside that bakery and come over here. All the Pie Wrecks ya want can be found on the Dark Rack. The Dark Web of baked goods.