Never been able to grow a mustache before, or really have chin whiskers for that matter. Men in my family are not naturally hairy.

But, I've been working on one for about two months now and its de best I've ever duuuude.

And of course, there were they guys that "bragged" about it. But i worked out a great answer. When they said it "takes a man" to grow one, I just said "Well, some guys use their testosterone to grow mustaches, other guys use it to grow a big (*^% ." That really shut them up.

Nice.

Thanks, only took me about five years to perfect it. Hey, never said I was smart.

Never grew a stache either...actually, I can't...but that's a different story.

Hey, don't sweat it. I always wanted the Ollie Queen stache and double van dyke... (yeah, I know, all the joke permutations possible on that one) and it will most likely never happen. But, I always thought it was cool. Hey, I got Carol without it, but how cool would it be, eh.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002421/

Genetics was a bitch to me.

Congrats, Rick! I'm sure it looks terrific!

I've had some sort of facial hair since I was 19 and a goatee since I was 26. I can't imagine not having it at this point.

And, Dev, remember God made only so many perfect heads. The rest he covered with hair!

Ouch. Dang, that's tough. Sorry, 'migo. But look at it like this, shave your head and you can go around scaring all the little old rich white gals with clutch purses.

I used to like gettin' mom in a store and wandering away and then shouting "Momma, don't leave me... MOMMAAAAAAAA! It worked even better when I was around thirty two.

She never had the guts to turn the tables on me.

No need to shave anything really.

It's all good though, save a fortune on hair care products.

I refuse to bleach or otherwise mess with my 'stache. If the world doesn't want to see it, they are more than free to go look at something else.

Just lightly singed my prized 'stache with my ceegar.

So Rick, when do we get to see this stashe?

I echo Quis' question.

Being an advocate of gender-bending, I believe every woman should at least once in her life dress in men's clothing, buzz her hair off, and put on a fake 'stache just to see how she looks.

I am not putting on High Heels...I don't wanna snap an ankle.

Collates make my ankles look fat.

I REFUSE to post of this ridiculously named thread. I mean, OF ALL THE NERVE .... using the word "porn" and all ... I'm OUTRAGED!
I'd be a dang fool to support such a seedy, evil thread and, ...

Oh, wait...

No need for you to, Dev, because they're just as uncomfortable for us women. I myself favor sandals or women's sneakers.

Who you kiddin'. You watch Lesbian Spank Inferno just like steve does.

Thank God...

You thank God someone watches Lesbian Spank Inferno? You got points in that movie, don'tcha.

Ah...love post placement...

"She's a man, baby, a man" agin'

Yes, and she's very open about that. She's Italy's icon of alternative lifestyles.

I think that guy in the wig just scared some poop out of me!

hahahahahahahahah, I was just continuing the joke. Didn't know she was a he. But then, I don't look for that stuff either.

Whats the old line..

"If it makes you happy..."

My sentiments exactly, Rick.

She'd probably be proud of that. She's quite the agent provocateur.

She better not go pravocin' my agent. She ain't met mah wife.

Nor mine.

I am seriously afraid to fall asleep tonight now! I'm gonna have some serious nightmares!!!
NEVER SHOW ME ANYTHING SO HORRIBLE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FK, you sound to me like you've got "issues", boy.

Ah, It's a living.

>squint and raspy voice<

"Dyin' ain't much uv a livin', boy!"

Are you trying to do Clint Eastwood again???

Female British performance arist Linda "Linder" Sterling has often donned male drag to impersonate Clint Eastwood.

Ah don't do Clint Eastwood. I'm straight and he's ninety-leven million years old. Bhut ah wouldda dun his last wife for ah met mine.

Who, Frances Fisher or What's-Her-Name, the newscaster?

Newscaster. I like Redheads, but she ain't to mah tastes.

Ah, okay.

Thanks for clarifying.

No prob. Fisher is a fine actress and a pretty lady, but something about her just don't light mah swizzle stick.

Well to each his own, right? Or is that left??

Can't argue personal taste, can ya. There's someone for everyone. Carol's mine. Doesn't mean I can't appreciate a good lookin' gal, but it takes a lot to crack the interest meter fer me.

True. It's love that counts in the end.

AAWWWWWW!!!!!


ppphht!

Hey, what's all this sissy talk about love and shi ____ stuff? This is a PORN 'STACHE thread after all .... let's roll the music please ...

BOW-CHIKI-BOW-WOW....

MUSH ALERT MUSH ALERT!

Run, run fer yer lives.

The delivery man shows up at the door with a *ahem* package.

Resume music!

My son heard that somewhere and started singing it about a year ago. He was four. carol and I nearly peed ourselves laughing so hard.

Ummmmm .... do I dare ask? Ah, what the hell!...

How the HECK did he HEAR that music in the FIRST PLACE????? Hmmm????

not the music, the Bow chicka wow wow. It was a joke between me and the missus.

I give up!

... and well you should.

*bows in defeat*

Well played sir!


Nice stache by the way!!!

Yeeeehaaaaw.

"Yeeeehaaaaw"????

You're watching a porno aren't you??

No, I am growing my porn 'stache even more as we speak and waiting on an appointment with a timber client. *Note, timber is not a reference to "wood" in any way. Client is not a reference to "Janes" in any way.

I could probably make more money that way. I'm guessin' a solid buck forty five an hour.

Buck forty five? When did your rates go up?

Well, the 'stache is trimmed to where it just looks like I have a dirty lip now. It was coming in nicely, but kept getting singed, which caused it to be really uneven.

Also trimmed up the chin whiskers, will probably shave everything back down to clean tonight or in the morning.. and start all over.

Were you standing upside again?
That wasn't your CHIN you were trimming bud!

As Bugs might say...


"Fresh...."

Dats' right, yuk it up.

Well it's easy when I share a site with a clown!

I own so much menswear as it is that I could probably just get a buzz cut and it would count as "drag."

Though I did put on a skirt to attend some lawyer-ly thing with the spouse yesterday.

It's back, baybee!

........ OH no!

Hey, it's all in the 'stache.

Gettin ready to go toe to toe with Geico. The 'stache awes evahbody.

Good luck with that. I HAAAAAAATE dealing with insurance companies.

For Rick-- RHCP's Anthony Kiedis rockin' the porn 'stache in their latest video, The Adventures of Raindance Maggie *whew*...

disturbing on soooooo many levels.

Cowbell tease. Needs MORE Cowbell!

I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cow bell.

Stand as faaaaaar away from me as you can, ok bud?

Mooooooooooooooove over then.

That's udderly unacceptable.

In honour of this month's men's health event:
http://ca.movember.com/

Everyone is just lucky I cannot grow a porn stache...

Yeah I got an awesome stache going for Movemeber.
I'm just going to let it grow the entire month...no trimming, shaping or grooming on the 'stache.
I'll post a pic of the awesomeness of it right before I shave it off on Dec 1st. (Though Desdemonia might not let me shave it, she's loving it!!)

We could start a collection to buy you one of those sterling silver 'stache combs from Tiffany's at Xmas time.

Oooooohhh...

They'll give us the discount if we buy the silver baby cup, too. Hi Risk Von Tingle told me!

If I get one though, it has to be John Waters worthy.m

Sorry. I don't do "art" films.

I'm just talkin about his stache...it's pimpin.

A likely story.

I bet it would take Dev a month to grow a decent stache!

At this point...it'd take a lifetime...and then it could require hair transplants.

Yeah, all my "English" friends are like that. It's the fair complexion.

Me I had a porn stache at the age of 14 (no lie), so ... you can imagine all my buddies had ME buying all the beer, all the time!

I do not grow hair on my face...or anywhere else. I have Alopecia Areata and lost it when I was around 3 - 5.

So it would literally take me a lifetime to get enough usable hair together to even produce a false one.

Dev, I can make you a faux mustache if you like. You just have to specify whether you want Brunet human, orange-white feline, or gray tabby feline hair.

Yes, it's true. Soon I'll be marketing my line of cruelty free, sustainable, real-hair mustaches, toupees, tonsures, beards, sideburns, goatees, and soul patches on Etsy. What can I tell you? Times are hard, anything for a buck, etc.

But for you, it's free. I may want you to appear in a couple of online testimonials, though. Using your real first name.

Is shipping guaranteed by Christmas?

For sure. I'm currently perusing the Want Ads in search of an experienced shipping clerk.

Or, you know, there's express delivery:

Whew...

No, Dear. I'm perfectly satisfied with my mustache just the way it is.

I am suddenly reminded that I don't play this song nearly often enough...

cleome, that mustache is growing on me fast!

Here's one for all you lip hair aficionados:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMD3EwuZbHU

Yeah. Qypthone needs to reunite and give us another disc.

I am shamed. Shamed I say. After all this time, the goaty is greater than the porny. And it's nearly gray as well.

Sigh. Age.

I just shaved my sideburns so I lost the cheesy 70's pornstache look, now it's just singed in several places from my cigar.

I got a new beard trimmer today. The previous one no longer kept a charge, and I'd had it since the dawn of time (you can see me using it in Crisis #10.)

I definitely can’t get more than “designer stubble” on my face. I don’t mind though. Mr. Ibby can grow a beard, but every time he wants to shave it takes ages!