1. He'll retroactively have all the Legionnaires speak in hillbilly.

2. He keeps telling people to get off his lawn.

3. As a Time Trapper, the universe will be his lawn.

4. He'd outcranky the original comic-book Time Trapper and make the rest of us look like wimpy Time Trappers.

5. Purple is SO NOT his colour

6. Time Trapper Ricksaw1 doesn't sound good

7. He would probably be the 20th Time Trapper, which makes him Mississippi Time Trapper and when I was little, I thought Mrs. Sippy was a person who was always around when a hurricane hit.

8. Shotguns are so passe as weapons of mass destruction.

Cosmic shotguns shooting supernovas on the other hand....

BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

9. Because "Time Trapper Cranky McBasstard" sounds MUCH better!

10. Because Time Trapper will be a portal to becoming a Time Hijacker.

11...

12. He'll have to dust all those books at the end of time

13. His wife thinks that purple robes are creepy.

14. He's just built a new house, so he wouldn't want to move to the End of Time, anyway.

15. Because he plans to BBQ Erin Gray upon making Time Trapper. Either BBQ her or have her over for some BBQ. Either way

16. He'll yell at all the rest of the Time Trappers for not bringing enough food to the annual Trapper picnic.

17. The zombies sent by the Dark Oval have a thing or two to say about rickshaw.

18. Uuuugh! Errrrgg! ARRRRGGGH! RAAAIIS?*


<span style="font-size: 10px;">*zombie speak for "rickshaw1 should not be a Time Trapper! Got brains?"</span>

*racks shotgun shell into place...*

Damn zombies, always dyin' on mah lawn....

19. Shotguns are sooooooooo 19th century.

20. Because time moves more slowly in South Carolina, and that's an unfair advantage.

I peephart en yo'er gzniral direzon!

21. He'll turn the Trapper bathroom into an outhouse.

Thet's too damn fayancy fer mah'. Ewe see dat dere broken tree? park it an' let flah!

22. Never returned my rototiller.

23. He doesn't know the lyrics to "Time In a Bottle".

24. Pranks the other Time Trappers by turning their robes plaid.

25. Unrelenting sales pitches for dilapidated, rusted out used time bubbles.

26. Only hires minions willing to undergo "total-body" Brazilian waxes before the interview.

27. Draws irremovable graffiti on the Trapper bathroom.

28. He'd feel pressured to go to the fancy parties thrown by the other Time Trappers where they serve dainty food like salad.

29. Anyone who doesn't applaud after he plays his banjo gets trapped for a week in the Dark Ages.

Lies! All LIES! Just you wait til Trapper status is mine! I will ferret out those stinkin' weasels tellin' these shameless lies about me and 'splode their molecules across the galaxy and time!

*uhhhh, any got change for a buck. Wanna get a soder buck the machine only takes change.

BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY VENGEANCE SHALL BE MIIIIIINNNEEE!

*no, seriously, got'ne change?

30. He's too schizophrenic to be a good Time Trapper.

I yam not! R2! Yam not! ARGH 2! Yam Knot! Yargh two!

31. He steals Popeye's speech patterns without giving due credit.

32. I turns Olive Oyle into a dirty girl. A little balsamic vinegar...

33. Never treats his robes for static cling, so you can totally see that he wears old sweatsocks and no shoes to meetings.

34. Doesn't wash his hands after using the Trapper toilet.

What's wrong wit dat? Mah' han'zer clean, ain't dey? Pee kills bacterials. Whut?

32a. Because now I can't stop picturing Lisa Lampanelli dressed up as Olive Oyl.

35. Because now all the utensils in the Trapper pantry smell like...

I shall never give up the pursuit. STATUS will be MINE! I has spuken!

36. Because we're expecting this thread to be completed before the 114 Reasons Why Time Trapper Status Will be Rickshaw\'s thread

37. Because he think we're saying "Timed Rapper" and he's working on some more redneck rhymes.

^

38. Because he can't even trap a rat. How the heck are we supposed to believe he can trap time?

Bah! BAH! I say! I'll have you know they cut the field next to the house we are building and the field mice tried to invade. I Slaughtered them! Without remorse!

Die MICE DIE!

39. Tom (of Tom and Jerry) sued him for stealing his shtick.

40. Is that his nose, or is he trying to eat a yam without using silverware?

41. His kono fruit looks rather... dubious.

42. He constantly uses the phrase "hair in the butter" when hosting the Time Trappers' Cooking Hour on PBS.

No dish is going to be appetizing after hearing that, no matter how good it looks.

43. He's terribly selective when resurrecting extinct species - he only picks cool ones with feathers, claws and more than 3 colors.

44. He posed as a professional tuner, then stole half the keys off the piano in the Time Trapper Lounge. (He hocked the ivory to buy more cigars.)

45. He pranked all the current Time Trappers by turning their robes fuchsia.

LIES LIES LIES! Chartreuse.

but how does it taste?

Like Fried Chicken, of course.

46. The SPCT alleges that he plans to use cruel methods to trap time. Like blowing cheap cigar smoke in its face.

47. Too cheap to buy the Missus quality take-out dinners* when he's out late Trapping and not home to do his share of the cooking.

48. He has eliminated all thyme in the universe, just so time won't have a homophone.

Buuutttt.... I did increase all the Frankincense and Myrrh.

49. But he forgot to increase the gold.

Not True! I did remember... but when I increased the Frankincense... well... Newton's laws and alll... turns out the gold got switched up the line to ...uugggghhh...well....scoobie snacks.

Look, just deal with it, okay. I got more important things to do....what is the formula to make time slow on that sharp cheddar cheese aqin....?

50. Would spend all his magnificent time powers on the preservation of cheese.

51. ... instead of feeding that cheese to us.

Then I would have to change favorite comic book companies to Impact-ed. Mwaaaahahahahaha

52. He doesn't follow the counting in this thread.

Because I shall not Be Denied!!!! TT status will be MINE! Bwaaahahahahahahahahah.

54. He's taking too darned much time to get there.

55. Especially considering he's trying to gain complete control of time.

56. The universe would be his yard...an' he don' want NOBODY on his yard!!!

57. He doesn't bother to number his entries, like all us other law-abiding Time Trappers do.

58. Time Trappers don't need/use shotguns.

59. He doesnt try to keep up with the times. (checkered shirts that don't fit well? please!)

At the end of time, all the lawns are dry and dead.

60. He makes the rest of the Trappers laugh during the serious Time Trapper group photos.

62. He'll mess with numbers!

*lurks in the deep space background thinking... excellent

62 (again). He doesn't realize that he's really lurking in the foreground.

*Someone has noticed my difficulty with spacial recognition... I will turn their nose into blackberries when I become time trapper.

63. His "step by step" approach reminds me too much of this bearded guy.

64. He has clear intentions of abusing his power.

65. Because "Cranky McBasstard" is a MUCH better Trapper name than dumb ol' "rickshaw1".

66. If he becomes a Time Trapper, all three of his identities--Rick, rickshaw1, and Cranky McBasstard--will combine and destroy the universe.

So now some of you are saying he should not be a Time Trapper because he'd act like a Time Trapper?

Precisely!

67. Because he's too obvious about acting like a Time Trapper (unlike the rest of us, who are oh-so-subtle :p)

The Terrible Time Trapping Trinity!

It would be hella cool if they could merge and triplicate at will like

*sits in dark room, fingers steepled in front of him....

"I bide my time, oh yes, I do... Bwaaaahahahahahahahah.

uh oh. rickshaw is only 11 posts away from the big TT.

Eleven posts and the universe ends!

HWW, you became Double Trapper just in time!

...surely you can save us?!?!?!

When rickshaw1 becomes a Time Trapper, nothing can save us.

(But at least I get to try on my second purple robe.)

Drat. Now I have to fit everything into my bucket list before the next 11 posts!

Why does the second also have to be purple? You'd think an immortal would want some variety.

None of us will ever be able to walk on a lawn again

rickshaw is toying with us. Over half a day later we're still 11 posts from doom.

Or has someone...or something...stopped him from reaching Trapperhood?

(See my sig. Dream Girl may be seeing Legion World's future.)

I suspect Mrs. Cranky is keeping him occupied for their tenth anniversary weekend!

68. He doesn't have his Time Trapper priorities in order.

69. Is too slow to seize the opportunity

70. Never wore a robe in 'is life!

*twirls mustache evilly. ** Store bought mustache, just like in the old movies. Which really looks odd since it is black, but Rickshaw1's hair is brown.

71. Can't even match his fake mustache to his real hair color

Start walkin' for the hills, folks. He's only 4 posts away, but it looks like it'll take him a while to get 'em in.

Or he's already trapped Time and we're delayed in discovering his villainy!!!

bwaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

hah.

"Step by step . . ."

One more post...

Quick existing Trappers...we need an Iron Curtain of Time STAT!!!

Rick's doing this on purpose. He wants us to suffer in agony while waiting!

72. Ha! rickshaw1 is too scared to make that last post to become a Time Trapper.

Gamecock? Ha! GameCHICKEN!!!

Meanwhile, Legion World parties like it's 9999.

73. He thinks he's already a Time Trapper, but he's so not! (I bet he just counted wrong!)

Bok-bok-BOK!

Sh*t's hit the fan folks! (Rick, I told you not to fling poop around!) Rick's hit 10,000!!!

Well, we could only come up with 73 reasons why he shouldn't. If we could've only found 28 more...

Alas...

BooooYaaaah!

*Sits back and sips on moonshine, lights a ceegar and belches.

"Yup. Theys didn't stands ah chaynce keep'n me outta thar."

Now we gotta get ready for a very crazy ride.

...a hay ride, that is. Trapper-land is about to get a LOT more redneck-y!

*snaps fingers and pubic hair eatin' monsters appear in Lardy's bed, awaiting the right moment to start munchin at his gibblets.

BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LET THE MAYHEM COMMENCE!

Ah wel, at least Lardy won't have to trim anymore!

*Snaps fingers... Ibby starts growing two foot long neon ear hair.

>chuckle< >belch<

Geez. What a way to say THANK YOU, Rick!

RICK, CLOSE YOUR ROBE!!

You'd think he'd be more careful during the height of mosquito season.

Oh dear, was that done by a mosquito? I thought it was the sting of a Giant Venusian Fungus Wasp.

*snaps fingers


"Just announced today, Ben Afflack is the new Batman!"

You couldn't have left that alone, could ya Rick...

I'd voted for Ben Stiller, personally.

Well, he kinda sorta has the body for it.