This is a secret "Beware the Ides of March" spoof thread disguised to interrupt all the computer thinking in the Science Police HQ!

Special Note- this thread is designed to make the founders smile!

Well, it's cheaper than buying them all BJ's...

But nowhere near as good a story the next day!

Says who?

BJ's (Wholesale club) is pretty cheap

Hmm... I was going to make a BJ and the Bear reference, but I think that probably belongs on another thread...

You know, My Two Dads would've been much more interesting if he'd starred opposite the monkey in that show as well...

Don't know where this thread is going, but I like it, I'll tell you that much!

The real question is whether we can keep it going until the next Ides of March...

Jillikers-- Greg Evigan was kinda cute!

It's the hat and overalls... EVERYbody's cute in a hat and overalls.

It appears you've found a new mission for us this year, EDE!

With BJ & THE BEAR and MY TWO DADS for material, it should be a cake walk! this stuff writes itself!

Maybe ....
but where the heck is Greg Evigan now, anyways????

Cerberus (2005) (TV) (post-production) .... Cutter
Molding Clay (2005) (post-production) .... Coach Kramer
Found (2004) (TV) .... Charles Drake
Straight From the Heart (2003) (TV) .... Edward Morgan
Arizona Summer (2003) .... Rick Butler
He Sees You When You're Sleeping (2002) (TV) .... Joe
Murder Among Friends (2001) (TV) .... Steve
Spirit (2001) (TV) .... Jesse
Sweet Revenge (2001/I) .... Matt
"Big Sound" (2000) TV Series .... Bill Sutton

Okay, but the real question is... what's the monkey done since then?

I'm afraid to ask MEL...

Sam, who portrayed Bear, passed away in the early 90's due to kidney failure. He has a fan page here .

That's really young for a chimpanzee. They usually live to be about 40.

Working with "Stacks" gave him a heart condition.

Diesel fumes aren't good for chimps I guess.

When the Show\'s Over for Hollywood Chimps

<enters>

Hm…we’ll have to make this an obscure thread crossover into the Dark Viv/unholy wedding storlyline! This way, posters who normally don’t buy into this thread will be forced to see it to get the whole story!

Ha! Great idea, Crujeckie!

What important facet of the story should take place over here?

The Wedding Night!

See?


It all still ties in with BJ and the Bare!

This thread is dedicated to the subplot of one-third of the armies of Legion World founding a hippie commune under the guidance of our new guru Greg Evigan!

In this very forum, an important new LMB character will be born, one who will play a pivotal role in the future of the LMB!

Don't miss a single minute of it!

<gasp>

Much like Wolverine, I, Cobalt Kid, will be involved in absolutely all plots relating to the LMB!

I'm curious to know how the peace-loving ways of EDE's hippie commune triumvirate army have effected EDE's one third share of conquered Triumvirate space! (Yes, that sentence was fun to write!).

Who is this Greg Evigan?! Will there be a lot of people saying "Hey man!" or "dude"?

Sillies! Hippies don't have armies! They have BROWNIES! With something extra special in 'em...

Peace Out!

We all get chimpanzee sidekicks!

*Hiiiiissssssss*!

Oh, don't worry, Jinx! Calamity-Monkey will never replace you!

Oh great now i'm sat at work with a picture of a Legion, nay army, of white calamity monkeys's all dressed as Russle Crowe from Gladiator decending on Legion World.

Calamity Monkey?!

(Note to self- the sudden reappearance of Royal Inquisitor and Sorceress Morgause lead me to wonder if other possible malcontents will be showing up.)

(Re: Doctor Mayavale. This seems like something right up his ally, with a hippie army and all! In fact, I remember EDE's funk 70's haircut looked very Mayavale-esque once...)

(Could Mayavale be involved here? I mean, I did vote for him as LMB leader once, but still, he is pretty evil...)

Hey, man! Did the LMB once have a member called 'Citadel Kid'?

That is what is said now, but when Calamity Monkey gets more popular, watch out!!!

Er, not that I know of EDE...

(the hair is back!)

Where is all this smoke coming from?

Dude! I distinctly remember this guy with the power to turn into a giant building! Whatever happened to him?

Oh yeah, I kinda remember him a little too now. Was he in "Doom of the Super-Heroes"? Or a tag team story here on LW?

And if so--where the heck has he been all these months?! I haven't seen him at a LMB meeting in like forever!

*shreeeak*

I am here to serve you, master!

Jeepers! I'm amassing my own Legion of Calamity-Pets! Groovy!

No... it was after "Doom of the Super-Heroes", wasn't it? Like, maybe about the time we were at Ships and Giggles?

By the power of the luck lords! Calamity-Monkey? Jinx is practically Calamity-Cat (nice ring to it, that). What's next?!

Heeeey, this isn't a chimpanzee! This is a bonobo. I want a refund or I'm telling Jane Goodall.

If I dont want a chimp can i have an orang outang?

(hurls poop at LMBP)

Shreeeeeeeeeeeeeak!

(leaps up and down).

Calamity Monkey is a first rate debater.

More of a soliloquy isn't it?

Hm...with all the strange things going on at Legion World, EDE's hippie army is going below the radar.

I still sense some sort of Mayavale connection, but nothing yet...

Jeepers! I wonder what important role Calamity Monkey will play in coming events?

Oh, GREAT. Now I'm stuck with a whip-cracking howler monkey super-pet. I can't hear my Gwen Stefani cds over its infernal screeching!

?

SHHHHHHREEEEEEEEEEEAK!

*hurls poop*

Zzzzzzzzzz

*gets on EDE’s shoulder*

*eats banana*

I thought that *was* the CD.

You know, Calamity Monkey might be a good LMB leader...

He certainly understands modern politics.

Brian, you've just given me a headache.

And I'm feeling sick.

But... it's Hasselhoff! )

Thank god I only drank one margarita before seeing that. I may have lost my dinner.

Hasselhoff is merely the first of the Seven Wonders of Greg Evigan Island!

He greets you off the plane, kinda like Mr. Rourke on Fantasy Island... only wearing a Speedo!

<sits on EDE's shoulder>

!

<hurls poop at other LMBPers>

Collects poop in huge hand and flings it straight back

Yep! That's what Greg Evigan Island is known for: Seven Wonders and lots of poop-throwing!

Whatever happened to that universal translater thingy that Space Ranger gave Jinx? Maybe we could give one to Calamity Monkey to understand him?

(Unless Eryk speaks space-monkey of course!)

Let's see... give a delicate piece of machinery to an animal whose primary past time is randomly breaking and destroying whatever she can... I wonder what *could* have happened to it?

Fortunately, Jinx possesses the capacity to speak human independent of any translator (though chooses not to degrade herself by doing so...)

I only speak broken-feline, and can never understand it when it's spoken as fast as Jinx does...

Still, I don't speak any monkey whatsoever!

No Monkey-speak, MUCHO Monkey-spank... that's our Cobie!

Ah, I see another of the great wonders of EDE's island! The great statue of:

People say you look like MC Hammer on crack, Humpty!

While not an official wonder of Greg Evigan Island, I managed to convince my homeworld of Touston to give us this alien invader turned disco-ball by Toustonian discofication technology!

One of Touston's greatest historical moments!

?

*letter arrives*

Army of Eryk Davis Ester-

If you're curious about your leader's whereabouts, I'd suggest checking the medical facilities on Legion World. His gunshot wounds should just be healing.

Regards,
The Red Bee

Jeepers! I was wondering where I was!

The Super-Cotton Fields of Greg Evigan Island are our third great wonder!

The Red Bee and half of the active LMB suddenly appear!

Greg Evigan Island! Finally!

<Cobalt, in tattered rags, looks around>

EDE, are you around?

<And immediately, the Red Bee resumes his attack!>

<bees begin swarming, and multiplying furiously>

Bring me anywhere you want, LMBP! You're all going to suffer anyway.

<grin>

(thinking)

Damn, I knew I should have left the fight, time to take my son.

(teleports DB here )

SHHHHHHHRIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!

<leaps at the Red Bee!>

*appears, having tracked Spellbinder's teleport trail from the Mainframe to here*

(Glitch, remind me to tune the outbound teleport shield around the 'Frame later, BTW. Faraway shouldn't have been able to do that - I've concentrated too much on the inbound shield...)

*is solid, with his normally-blue and spherical forcefield red and wrapped tightly around him, and his wearing his THz specs to see through the mass of bees*

Cobalt, blast me. I need some extra energy for this trick...

You know I told myself not astral project, and now I'm in the battle, sure I could teleport away, but I have to do the right thing and help.

(Blasts Reboot with a magnetic energy spell before Cobalt can react)

I enjoyed that, do you need more power?

Yeah, pour it on. Energy sponge, remember.

I think I'll enjoy this one myself!

<Lets out weeks of frustration in a concentrated magnetic burst directly at Reboot's torso! Continues to pour it on directly>

Now this is cutting loose!

(Releases her most powerful energies his way)

(thinking)

With Red Bee's balance situation that prevents Reboot and I from hurting him, we have to put aside our differences and combine our strengths.

(Creates as lightning storm)

Hope you can handle all that I've got!

(DB appears in a blinding flash of shadow)

what the...i'm getting tired of being jerked around. (island begins to shake, trees rattle, the animals flee sensing the coming onslaught)

i'll bury this whole island under molten lava if i have to red bee....(shakes fist at the bee)

Okay....

Not yet...

Not yet...

Glitch - NOW!

*starts increasing the flow of energy into his red forcefield, which Glitch starts to expands outward, killing all the bees it touches*

Keep pouring it on!

No time, power Reboot!

(creates light, force, and heat energy, combines them with the lightning and magnetism and hurls it all at Reboot!)

you want power (need i say more) i'll give you power.


(db calls forth the total might of nature's fury powered by his own anger about morgause's mysterious claim: hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanos, solar flares, lightning, blizzards, etc. all funneling into reboot)


finally!! i can cut loose and unleash my power!

Energy! No... hurricanes... just... lightning or... other energy...

(Places a protection spell around her teammates so that the energies don't wipe them out. Then she begins creates sound waves and turns them into purified sonic energy and lends it to Reboot)

Heh. I... can't... save... them... all, huh?... Et tu... Bee?

*Pushes forcefield further still with the combined energy of Cobalt, "Viviane" and DB, continuing to kill the RB's bees as it goes*

he he sorry i will tone it down to the solar flares, lightning-electrical storm, heat wave, and raidiation.

Spellbinder... teleporter on your left shoulder... from... when I saved you... use it,... or give it... to someone... to use... to see how much is left to do...

Reboot is taking a lot in! Keep pouring it on, everyone.

<looks at the Bee, who is surprised finally by the power of the LMB>

Hey Bee!

<runs over and punches the Red Bee directly in the face>

That's for shooting me through the back, you son of a bitch!

Everyone pour your energy into Reboot. Be ready to teleport out if need be! It's up to EDE now!

(disaster boy passes out from the exertion of energies given to Reboot)

......good night. <clunk>

Aaaaaraaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

*feels field connect with itself on the far side of the planet, then lets it drop, since that means all the Red Bee's bees are dead, before falling, wiped out*

<font size="1">Heh. "cannot save them all". Idiot. I'm the Reboot. I'll find a way, whatever it takes.</font s>

*lets the blasts continue for a second to let his dangerously low energy get up to a vaguely safe level, then signals everyone to stop*

Bees are dead. Need sleep now. Go get Red Bee. Thanks for energy.

*teleports back to the Mainframe*

No more bees, just someone's ass left to kick!

<tries to blast Reboot with his healing powers before he teleports>

Blast, I wanted to help the ol' bugger. Sometimes he can be downright likeable

<gets punched in the mouth by the Red Bee!>

Serves me right...

Damn straight, "Reboot" can never be likeable.

(Kicks Red Bee in the abdomen, he in turn backhands her across the face)

That better not bruise.

(disaster boy wakes up seeing the ensuing battle...)


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (tackles the bee from behind toppling him) down bee!

(db gets up and starts kicking the bee in the ribs)

take that bee!!!

This is the most fun I've had in a while!

(pulls the Red Bee up and punches him in the face)

Jillikers! It looks like you guys have just about taken care of the Bee without me!

Nah, we're just keeping him busy until you're ready.

(kicks Red Bee in shin)

I. Am. Not. Done. Yet!!!

One more powerful cascade of energy knocks back Disaster Boy, Cobalt Kid, Viviane and Invisible Brainiac, as more bees begin to swarm around them.

You may yet win this, but I will bring some of you down with me!!!

<Spellbinder TK's a nearby rock, hurling it at the Red Bee. The Bee tries to dodge it by jumping upward. Bad move>

"Silly Bee... I was aiming for your stomach," Spellbinder says to the Red Bee, who is now on the ground, hands clutching his crotch. The male LMBPers wince in sympathy.

<wonders whatever became of those giant bees RB had awhile back that people could ride on and stuff>

<the usual calm that has characterized the Red Bee for these last few weeks appears to be finally slipping away. His eyes are large and red, and filled with what can only be madness. His sly grin has faded away to turn into a full wide smile>

HAHAHAHA!

Whatever the outcome, I am content in knowing the terror I brought! But I will bring one of you with me if I have to, and I choose you, Crujectra!

<leaps at Crujectra, both venomous hands outstretches, oozing the painful honey! Bees swarm on both sides of her, blocking her from moving away! The other LMBers, now exhausted and busy fighting the hordes, look on in horror>

EDE, whatever you got planned, now is the time!

<turns>

Crujeckie! NO!

<Rushes forward>

<leaps in front of Spellbinder>

<Just when the situation looks like it can't get any worse, suddenly the sky blackens with bees. The Red Bee laughs maniacally.>

*burns the Monkey’s body terribly with his venomous hands!*

Fool of pet! Feel the wrath of the Red Bee!

*The Monkey drops to the ground, its fate unknown at this time*

*Looks at the sky, smiling*

Now it is time for the killing blow.

<The laughter of the Red Bee is short-lived, however, as the swarm of bees suddenly rushes towards him rather than the LMBers.>

What?! This—this cannot be!

NO!! I command you, attack!

*looks around. Sees Eryk Davis Ester not too far off*

So this is why I was lured here?

*his own bees swarm him*

NO! I command you! Destroy that one!

A shocked Red Bee tries to turn and run, but IB blinds him with a sudden burst of light.

"Leaving so soon? You'll miss the best part of the battle!"

<The new bees, larger, faster, stronger, and more venomous than those of the Red Bee, begin attacking his bees. The largest bee that any of them have ever seen flies down and lands next to EDE>.

With a loud clunk a battered but still deadly Pretzel making machine hits the Red Bee on the back of the head making him stumble and fall before he can complete the command.

“That’ll teach the young whippersnapper to threaten a princess” says Matlock stepping out of a tesseract.

“Matt, your arm” cries the princess as she runs past the bee towards him. “quick Cobalt, your healing powers are needed if we are going to save his arm”

Pushing the princess gently but firmly back, Matlock straightens up “I can take care of this myself thanks Princess” And a strange lavender glow envelopes him. People standing out side the force field see a strange transformation taking place as the old and trusted , almost to retirement age, LMBP’er starts to grow younger and more muscular, his greying hair returning to the full vibrant colour of youth, the wounded arm healing before their eyes.

Stepping out of the lavender glow a young and handsome Matlock looks down at his new youthful body.

“Ah crap!” he says. “6 days from retirement, 6 lousy days!. I had the fishing boat booked and the cabin by the lake an everything”

The princess looked in shock at the handsome young security officer with the oiled glistening body of a trained athlete now standing in front of her. “Matlock is that you?”

“Dagnabbit this always happens to me! Always just as I am looking forward to retiring, some god awful world shattering disaster makes me do this”

Looking at the princess for the first time he smiles. “Explanations later your highness we have the Red Bee to fight and when my lad gets here there’s really going to be a fight”

<seeing Matlock is OK, and the Red Bee is down, Cobalt takes this opportunity to do something he’s really been waiting for>

Hey Bee! Looks like things aren’t going your way anymore! You want fear? Fear this!

<punches the Red Bee directly in the nose in a total sucker-shot type of way, breaking his nose>

Bastard!

<steps back next to EDE and his giant bee>

What the--?! What is that, Calamity King Bee?

<scopes up Calamity Monkey>

Poor little guy...you're in a lot of pain!

<uses healing power on him>

You did a brave thing, Monkey.

<EDE begins patting the giant elephant-sized bee that has landed next ot him on the head>.

Red Bee, since you've decided to visit my fine island, perhaps I could give you one of our travel brochures? You'll notice that they detail the Seven Wonders of Greg Evigan Island.

One of the coolest wonders is our super-charged cotton fields. Now the thing about cotton, and the thing about bees, is that they have a mutually beneficial relationship. Bees feed on cotton, while at the same time helping with cotton polenation.

Now Buzz here, and his friends who are currently destroying your swarm, were raised on the super-charged cotton of Greg Evigan Island! You'll notice their immunity to your mental commands.

*staggers backward, as Bees hit him and LMBPers attack*

N-no…I will teach you the meaning of fear…the power of betrayal…

*continues to move towards Eryk Davis Ester. The LMBPers begin to make a way, making a path for him, recognizing that the battle finally appears to be at an end. High Priestess Viviane prepares to blast him again, but Invisible Brainiac stops her. She nods, understanding*

Know that I’ve still won, in my own way. This is a Pyrrhic victory for you all…

<grin>

…

<throws down LMBP walking ring to the ground. It is the one first awarded to him months ago, before his betrayal.>

There will always be victims. And there will always be those like me.

And we’ll always be there, waiting.

Well, I think it's time for a beer.

<the Red Bee falls>

You got that right, pal.

<turns to fellow LMBers>

It's over.

<puts arms around EDE and the other around the Princess>

Might have to be a *few* beers...

So... does this mean you'll sneak me into SHAKES again?

Always!

Now that things have wound down here, I have to go find Hrun. Thankfully we all seem to have pulled through somehow!