what foul fiend dreamed up these things? They seem to condense all the evil of food into one concentrated mass or gray villiany.

I ate one and my instinctive reaction was the cat hiss from Bride of Frankenstein.

Evil on a plate.

Jim Gaffigan does a routine about Hot Pockets.

You can watch it on YouTube

it's pretty funny. The Hot Pockets part starts at about 5:50

There's a breakfast version too.

Its akin to being waterboarded.

There's a yuppified version of these that I like to buy at our local co-op. It's so damn pricey that I can only justify the expense by splitting one with mr_cleome-- maybe once every ten days or so. Oh, well. At least it's a local manufacturer.

I too have seen a yuppie marketed version here in Canada. It is called a Stouffer\'s Bistro Crustini

How do I know its a yuppie target? Notice the wonderful link at the bottom that gives advice on pairing wine with food? I've not clicked the link so I can't be certain that the wine that goes food comes in a 5 litre cardboard box.

You think Hot Pockets are bad, try Lean Pockets. Now 67% actual food!

Quote

"We have a sea bass, which is broiled; and we have a Hot Pocket... It'll destroy your mouth. Everything'll taste like rubber for a month."

Oh, Quis. I burn with for both you AND Mr. Gaffigan.

The first time I saw him doing stand up, he goes:

I'm from Indiana and I know what you are thinking. The mafia!

I'm so using that in the One-Word Post thread.

Behold, the aforementioned yuppie hot pocket .

I'm indulging in one right now. It's been a long day. They don't actually sell the spinach pie variety where I shop. Maybe I should email them and whine about that.

(Sadly, not a paid endorsement.)

Looks like you could make your own, and it would probably be highly palatable, if you've got a hand with pastry. Although that defeats the purpose of this kind of food - fast, convenient and only mildly disgusting (as opposed to borderline toxic).

I saw a sign yesterday advertising one of these slushy summer drinks that convenience stores sell: "100% Unnatural". The backlash to the healthy food movement has arrived, something like the Roseanne show proclaiming that we're proud to be ignorant.

On the other hand, perhaps there's a yuppie Twinkie, or yuppie versions of other crappy food. The organic Twinkie is a long-standing joke.

I immediately thought of that comedian when I saw this thread title!

/whispery singing voice/ ...hot pockETS! /end wsv/

(snip)

I have tried an actual upscale version of a certain popular snack cake, which I dare not name given all the connoisseurs of double entendres that populate this space. Whether it was capital-O "Organic" is anyone's guess.

It was okay. I'm still more a Parisian macaroon woman myself, finances permitting.

Parisian macaroons! - sounds like a candidate for Favourite cookies .

I've come to the conclusion pretty much all pre-packaged foods should be avoided. Event he delicious but apparently shrinking Amy's pot pies.

The treatment they use on paperboard to keep it "freezer friendly' is apparently highly toxic and traces are being found in oceans, waterways and fish everywhere. NOT GOOD.

mr_cleome insisted on watching this again just now.

Truly, the LMB is the gift that keeps on giving.

cheesy molten evil.

I bought a pizza last night from a nationally-franchised establishment. Hadn't had pizza in months and had a hankerin'. Nothing on it tasted like it was real. Green peppers...they were green but not peppery. Pepperoni...they were an unnatural red and bland. Sausage was sweet, and so was the sauce.

When you've stayed away from "food products" for a while, it's startling how bad they are when you come back.

That was your mistake right there.

Yes it was. We have a local place that makes the best calzones. Go local, go fresh. My lapses back to the BIG PLACES just reinforce that lesson.

We had a serviceable frozen pizza the other night. On our current budget, it was either that or peanut butter. Again. [grumble]

To be fair, I always punch up frozen pizzas with fresh herbs and some extra veggies, if possible. It helps.

But FUNNY cheesy molten evil!

Georgio's in Sumter, South Carolina. Make the greatest subs I have ever eaten. When i go to Sumter, thats what I want. But they do a great pizza and other italian foods as well.

Well, that and the old Thai place.

I'll have to remember that next time I'm in Sumter.

Who goes to SC???

Do they have comic conventions? A thriving porn industry?? Running water???!



s to the Rickshaws... especially MISSUS Rickshaw

GGGGRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


CHOMP!


"Oh, sorry, was that my dog and yer butt?

yes to the convention. Its small and in Myrtle beach, I have a thread about it here somewhere.

Yes to the porn industry, also around MB, but small. Mostly homemade stuff, but they made me quit.

Running water? Yeah, but you better catch it, and it might bite you instead of you drinking it.

*wipes tears away...*

Hot Pockets were very noticeable at work last week.

I'd feel superior as hell to the benighted laboring masses, <span style="font-size: 16px;">IF</span> I hadn't been rendered borderline homicidal while trying to down a tray of Marie Callander's Microwavable Pasta-like... something at work last Thursday.

<span style="font-size: 18px;">BLEAH!</span>

Shamelessly piggy-backing on this, perhaps the best thread in the history of the LMB-verse, to confess: at one time those Totino's "party pizzas" were a favorite guilty pleasure of mine. But when they finally shrank to the size of a coffee-pot trivet, I realized it was over between us.

Also, I remember Quislet introducing me to the famous "Hot Pockets" monologue, and both mr_cleome and I laughing so hard we nearly cried.

[snif!] I'm not crying! YOU'RE crying!!

I've gone my entire life without the word trivet. I've been wasting my years using coasters and place mats. But no more! Thanks Cleome!

[bows]

Live to serve ya'...

Saw a trivet the other day made of colorful little woolen spheres sewn together. It looked unstable. Better as wall art, maybe... It was certainly expensive enough.

Nothing's expensive if you're sneaky and quick enough...

That good old five-fingered discount!

You do it. I'm a-scared.

Well, I guess we found a secondary meaning for "Hot Pockets" at least.

[cue infinite spoons falling out of Harpo's coat]

A Marx Brothers reference is a wonderful thing to wake up to.

Thanks, Cleome.

I'm such a slacker that it's been six months and I still haven't reviewed that Marx Bros graphic novel like I meant to. I suppose that means I'd better read it again...

Cleome, your review of Scott McCloud's "The Sculptor" got me to read it. I'm glad you did.

What a shame the all-important chapter on Hot Pockets ended up in the circular file.