Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business Emerald Twilight - an Alternate Take

It's no secret around these parts that I'm a big Hal Jordan fan. As such, you might guess that I'm not a big fan of Emerald Twilight, the story that turned Hal into Parallax and made him a villain for nearly a decade. For about a year now, I've been kicking around my own version of the story, partly based on Gerard Jones' original script for the series. So here's my version of Jones' lost story, with some plot elements borrowed from GL: Rebirth for good measure. Special thanks to Fanfie for finally inspiring me to get off my butt and put this thing on paper (or Microsoft Word ) Enjoy!

PART 1

Damn…” Hal Jordan grumbled as he rubbed his fingers through his hair.

The mirrors in the bathroom at Moe’s Gutter were about as grimy and disgusting as you could expect in a sleazy dive bar, but even they couldn’t obscure the white streaks running through Hal’s hair. While he was finally back on his feet with a steady paycheck again, hair dye unfortunately wasn’t in the budget. He sighed and headed back to his booth in the corner of the bar.

Moe’s Gutter wasn’t high class, but it held a lot of sentimental value for Hal. While an influx of yuppies had changed the bar’s clientele in recent years, it still had the same dingy Coast City vibe he loved. Everything from the faded leather chairs to the tacky neon lights made him feel like he was 25 again without a care in the world.

“Tussling with the mane again?” John Stewart remarked as Hal sat down.

“It doesn’t stay down as well as it used to.” Hal chuckled.

“Fortunately for old geezers like us, none the girls here are interested in guys that are the same age as their dad anyway.” John joked as he cracked open another bottle of beer.

“That’s lovely, John. Remind me more how I’m going to be put out to pasture soon.” Hal sighed.

“Why are you worried anyway? You’ve got a good thing going with Carol again. I don’t think a couple of white hairs are going to scare her off.”

“Eh, things with Carol are a bit complicated, especially after the whole Oliva Reynolds ruckus. Hell, I don’t even know if Carol’s marriage proposal still stands. We haven’t really talked about it much.” Hal said with a shrug as downed another shot of tequila.

“I see. At least things are moving forward with your air transport company since the loan finally got approved. Hal Jordan, CEO does have a nice ring to it.” John said with a wink.

“Even finding energy to work on the company has been a struggle lately. With my League and Lantern duties, I hardly have time for my actual job anymore. I used to be able to juggle everything at once. Sometimes I wonder if I should just drop everything and retire early.”

“Hal, I’ve known you for years and I know for a fact that retirement doesn’t suit you at all. You would be bored within a week of bingo games and processed mush for dinner every night.” John said.

“I don’t mean a literal retirement home. I just want to relax and take some time off is all.” Hal said as he downed his eighth shot.

“Speaking of home, we should probably get going soon.” John remarked noticing Hal’s increasingly slurred speech.

Throwing whatever cash they had on the table, they grabbed their coats and headed outside. Hal was noticeably stumbling to the door. John chuckled as he helped walk him back to his apartment.

“See you tomorrow, John.” Hal said with a yawn.

“Night, Hal.” John said with a chuckle.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re doing it again.” John smirked as Hal noticed he was running his fingers through his hair again.

“Damn...” Hal sighed as he closed the door.

To begin with, I have to say I'm glad to hear I played a part in inspiring you to get to work on this story, Kappa.

I think Part 1 is quite a promising start, except for one element which I'll get to shortly.

But first, the stuff I liked:

It seems clear to me that even though Hal is a favorite of yours, you haven't allowed the high esteem you hold the character in to blind you to his fallibility, and you don't flinch from portraying it. That, in my opinion, is a very important lesson to learn as a writer, because on the one hand, too much reverence, as well as too much reluctance to bring suffering to a beloved character almost always results in a lack of both urgency and drama; OTOH, even though I admire Stephen King, I've never put any stock in his "Kill your darlings" philosophy of writing, finding that it is too easily misinterpreted, and it that it leads to a lot of writers resorting to lazy and mean-spirited torture of their characters, for nothing other than its own sake (FTR, the first two writers who came to my mind as being among the guiltiest of committing those crimes are Chris Claremont and Keith Giffen.)

In summary, I'm impressed that you seem to have already internalized the gist of what I just said in the above paragraph. Bravo, Kappa.

Nice interplay between Hal and John as well. IIRC, you've said in recent posts that you don't particularly care for John (unless I misread your posts.) If that is indeed the case, it certainly doesn't show in the opening segment of this story. It's kinda funny to me that, when Denny O'Neil introduced John back in the day, he was very much the Angry Black Man, playing the Bad Cop to Hal's Good Cop; and yet, as John evolved over the years under subsequent writers, it was he who became the sensible, easy-going one, while Hal began showing more tendencies towards fallibility and moodiness, the cracks in his impeccable "Kennedy Era Spaceman" façade gradually becoming more evident. I think that you captured all of the above very well, and that you've already internalized another important lesson for writers -- show respect towards all the characters in your story, even the ones you don't particularly like.

So now we come to the only problem I have -- the white streaks in Hal's hair. Here, I have to allow myself a chuckle, because I still remember that even after I first read "GL: Rebirth" and loved it for the most part, the whole "white streaks are a sign of being taken over mind, body, and soul by an evil cosmic insect" thing was a total WTF moment for me, and it's become even more so over the decade-plus since I first read GLR. I know I've become generally very harsh towards Johns, but bits like the white hair silliness are, to me, Exhibit A of just what an utter loon I'm convinced that guy secretly is (of course, I'll allow that I may be wrong, because I've never met the guy. And quite frankly, moments like this remind me why I hope I never do.)

Having said all that, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, Kappa, and I hope you will prove my gut reaction about the white hair to be wrong, by taking it in a surprising direction and somehow making it work. I have complete confidence in you that you can do this. In summary, both the things I like about Part 1 *and* the things I dislike about it are keeping me eager to read Part 2.

Oooh, Emerald Twilight! Excited to see another take on that. As Fanfie said, love the interaction between Hal and John. Just like two old (heh) friends.

Thanks Fanfie! Your compliments mean a lot coming from a veteran fanfic writer like yourself.

As to the white streaks, you'll be happy to know that they have nothing to do with Parallax at all! One of my biggest peeves with GL: Rebirth is that Johns didn't want to keep Jones' idea that Hal was getting old, which I think did a disservice to a lot of the character development Jones worked so hard to achieve. As such, Hal's streaks are just racing stripes and nothing more.

PART 2

Jarkur, Sector 1031

Korthak Ari never thought he would find himself on Jarkur, but here he was. It was supposed to be just another routine shipping voyage from Arios to Lugia: drop off the package to the client, ensure the proper credit transfer, and hightail it home before the Lugian crime lords got wind of a new shipment through their neck of the woods. Lucky him to have a core reactor in his ship overheat just as he was passing over Jarkur.

“Korthak to Lilan. Do you read me?” Korthak shouted into the transceiver in a hopeless battle against the howling winds just outside the cockpit.

“Lilan here. What’s your status?” said a voice on the other end.

“I’m currently on Jarkur due to the core system overheating…looks like the main cooling systems are broken. I’m not sure how long I can last here on my rations onboard. What’s the ETA looking like for an extraction?”

“Affirmative, Korthak. Earliest possible arrival for aid is two days unfortunately. Await further instructions. Lilan out.”

“Understood.” Korthak said with a sigh as he hung up the receiver.

There was no way he would survive the night on Jarkur without a fire. Bracing himself for the howling gales outside the ship, Korthak jumped out and landed into the fridgid snow below him. The ice cut through the thin cloth of his uniform, immediately numbing his entire body in a matter of seconds.

“Grife…If I don’t find some firewood quickly, I’m going to die out here.” he thought to himself as he began to trudge through the snow.

Jarkur was a complete wasteland of a planet. Eons ago it had been a lush world, home to one of the most advanced civilizations in the galaxy at the time, but massive war had left it razed and lifeless. All that remained were crumbling palaces scattered between the towering petrified trees that covered the entirety of the icy planet.

Korthak began to feel light-headed as the hypothermia began to set in. If he didn’t find some shelter soon, he would be dead within the hour. Harnessing the last of his strength, he began to sprint faster. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he caught a faint glow of light. As he inched closer, he discovered that the yellow light was coming from a small cave entrance nestled under the rocky side of the cliff.

“What have I got to lose?” he thought to himself as he stepped inside.

The tunnel was oddly warm and had a strange aura about it, as if the cave itself was alive and Korthak could hear its heart beat. Using the flashlight on his communicator, Korthak headed deeper into the tunnel as the light began to grow brighter.

“Come closer…” a voice whispered in his mind.

“Who is that?! What are you doing in my head?!” Korthak stammered, stopping dead in his tracks.

“I am but a stranded traveler like yourself, looking for a friend. I am wounded and cannot move, but I am using my powers to communicate with you mentally.”

“I see. Why should I help you though? How do I know that you are not a thief and this is all a ruse?” Korthak thought.

Suddenly, the line of torches on the will lit up, completely illuminating the tunnel.

“I can provide you with the heat you desperately seek. Come to me.” the voice said growing weaker. “I don’t have much time left.”

“I’ll play along for now, but I’ve got my eye on you.” Korthak thought as he pulled a blaster from his holster.

As he trudged deeper into the recesses of the cave, the light eventually began to become blinding. Wincing to shield his eyes, he kept walking until he could feel the light receding. Opening his eyes again, he found that he had walked into a large chamber of sorts. The large marble floor was covered in strange runic symbols arranged in a circle. At the center of the circle was a painting of a grotesque beast. It’s yellow skin and snarling jaws sent a shiver down Korthak’s spine.

“I’m here so show yourself.” Korthak shouted.

Without warning, two large scaly arms began to materialize out of the darkness in front of him.

“By Grabthar’s beard…” Korthak stammered out of pure terror.

He quickly spun around in vain attempt to flee, but the large creature quickly pinned him under its claws.

Korthak begged the creature to spare him, but his cries were lost to the cruel winds of Jarkur.

**********

“Guardiansssss, I am coming for you.”

You're very welcome, Kappa.



That's a big relief to me. And I'm glad you're respecting Jones's efforts to mature and evolve Hal. Speaking for myself, Jones's run was a real case of what-could-have-been rather that what actually was, but, at the same time, I think Jones deserves credit for his good intentions, even if the deplorable working conditions under which most of his run was produced ended up steamrolling a lot his original plans.

Will read and comment on Part 2 later today.

Kappa, I'm happy to say I loved Part 2. Clever, economical, to the point, creepy (in a good way) and witty (even though I'm more critical of "Galaxy Quest" than you, the Grabthar's Hammer reference still brought a smile to my face.)

As I was reading it, I remembered these old fanfic chestnuts, the latter a Legion fic and the former a L.E.G.I.O.N. fic, with a lot of the GL mythos in them, including Parallax:

Amber Alert

Twilight/Beware My Power

Hope you enjoy.

Thanks! I get a lot of my inspiration for writing from sci-fi/horror flicks (The Thing, Alien, Re-Animator, etc.) so I always get a kick out of writing horror/suspense scenes. It's also why most of what I write have horror elements to them if you haven't noticed yet.

Also, I loved your Twilight/Beware My Power story. The characterization for Imra and Tasmia was spot on and I've always wanted to see a proper GL/Legion crossover. I have a question though: has Parallax ever had a gender assigned to it? You refer to it as a "she/her" several times so I was unsure and wanted to get that straight for my story.

That was a superb Part 2! Parallax, yikes!

I think you write an older Hal really well, too.

Thanks for the kind words about my older fics, Kappa. As for Parallax's gender, I think that as a cosmic entity, it has no default gender, but rather temporarily takes on the gender of whoever its avatar is at that moment; in this case...



(Spoiler box for people who haven't read the fics yet.)

PART 3

Earth, Sector 2814 (1 month later)

“Then put your little hand in mine. There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb”

Hal Jordan slammed his fist on his old alarm clock, putting himself out of Sonny and Cher’s misery.

“Same song every day…” he thought to himself as he stretched.

Today was a big day for the Green Lantern Corps: initiation day. Dozens of new Lantern recruits from across the galaxies would be be sworn in today, joining the centuries-old fight against the forces of evil. It all sounded a bit overly-romantic to Hal now after years on the job, but he still got a kick out of seeing the newbies anxiously taking their oath for the first time together.

His thoughts were interrupted by a voice on his answering machine.

“Hal, it’s Carol. The contractors need you to meet us at the site to give estimates on the runway specs. Don’t blow them off again. I’m serious, Hal. Call me back. BEEP”

“Sorry, Carol. I’m going to have to take a rain check on that meeting. Let them look at it themselves and just go with what they think will work the best.” Hal said as he recorded a message on his answering machine.

Pushing aside the giant pile of dirty clothes in his closet, he found his Lantern battery. He pressed his ring against the battery and begin to recite his oath.

“In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might, beware my power. Green Lantern’s light!”

The battery flashed brightly, enveloping the room in a bright neon green light.

“I still got it.” he said with a grin as he opened the window.

Closing his eyes, he leapt out and shot into the sky.

**********
Oa, Home of the Guardians of the Universe

Ganthet paced nervously in the main citadel as the other Guardians talked amongst themselves. Something else else was amiss in the universe and he could not place it. As the Guardians of the Universe, they had always been able to keep tabs on the inner workings of the universe, but he sensed a looming presence approaching them.

“What troubles you, Brother Ganthet?” asked one of the other Guardians. “Today is an auspicious day. We must not tarnish it with our worries.”

“I sense a dark presence. something I have not felt in over millennia…Brother Mizka, I must ask: what is the current status of Jarkur?”

“Jarkur? That body is completely desolate. The only thing of interest is…you don’t believe…?” the other Guardian asked, his eyes growing wide.

“I do.” Ganthet said with a nod.

“But Parallax has been kept hidden for thousands of years. It would be impossible for it to escape Jarkur, certainly not in it’s true form.”

Ganthet paused for a moment as he considered Mizka’s point.

“This is true, but we must be wary, especially today.” Ganthet said quietly as he walked off.

**********
As Hal touched down on Oa, he was immediately caught in a sea of other Lanterns rushing to the central citadel. The sky over Oa melded into a sea of green and white as thousands of Lanterns made their way to the central citadel.

“Out of my way, ya poozers!” a thundering voice shouted behind Hal.

Turning around, Hal’s gaze was met with the imposing figure of the Green Lantern known as Kilowog.

“Great to see you too, pal.” Hal said with a grin as they shook hands.

“It’s been a while, Hal. You haven’t been stopping by Oa too often lately.” Kilowog said crossing his arms.

“Yeah, my schedule’s been a bit tight lately, especially with the new company finally getting under way.” Hal said sheepishly.

“Say no more.” Kilowog said holding up his hand. “Having a real job sounds like a nice break from this charade sometimes.”

“I suppose it does…” Hal thought to himself as the two headed to join the other Lanterns.

**********
Ganthet walked down the dark corridors of the Oan library, trying to make sense of what he had felt. Perhaps the ancient texts could offer some insight?

As he ran his hands over the dusty holo-disks, which were largely obsolete now, he felt a hand grasp his shoulder. Whirling around, he found that it was Tamaranean Green Lantern. The Tamaranean was visibly drained of energy, barely able to stand up. Looking down, Ganthet noticed a large wound in his abdomen, blood seeping through his fingers as he attempted to maintain pressure over the laceration.

“M-master…it’s h-here…he bested me” the Tamarananen barely managed to choke out. “I have f-failed as a guardian of the texts…”

“Never mind that! I must know who did this to you.” Ganthet shouted, trying not to overbear the dying Lantern.

“I d-do not…know. He was wearing a hooded robe…yellow eyes…full of malice…all I felt was fear” the Tamaranean whispered before finally expiring.

Ganthet softly laid the Tamaranean against the wall as he thought over his last words.

“Yellow eyes…fear…my stars…it’s among us in a host body!” he exclaimed as his eyes grew wide in sheer terror.

Kilowog!

I love how you write the character interactions. Very realistic.

Uh oh, new GLs. Prey for Parallax. I like how you don't waste any time, the plot is developing quickly yet it does not feel rushed at all.

Kappa, I'm waiting 'til this evening to read Part 3 so I can savor it, but I did glance at Ibby's reply and saw the magic word: "Kilowog." Definitely a good sign. Until later...

Good show, Kappa. I've enjoyed each chapter more than the one before it. This story is *on a hot roll*!!

J'adore the opening reference to the late, much missed filmmaker Harold Ramis's "Groundhog Day." I've always liked that movie (and it's also a firm Top Ten favorite of my mom's. She treasures her DVD copy of it, while I just hope she doesn't end up causing it to melt from overuse. )

Your Hal continues to shine in that special way that's uniquely him...for lack of a better term, I'll refer to it as his...Hal-ness.

You captured Ganthet's voice and personality extremely well, IMO. Better than most canon writers, I daresay!

Kilowog's always a pleasure. I'd imagine he's a lot of fun to write.

Awaiting Chapter 4 with bated breath.

I'm a big Raimis fan as well so I couldn't help but sneak in an obvious reference when the opportunity popped up.

Hey Kappa! Hal Jordan is my favorite DC character, so I am definitely reading and watching ... I'd prefer to wait until there's more story before I comment, but rest assured I love that you're doing this and I am eagerly awaiting more!

Believe me, after the debacle of the original "ET" I thought of ways of how Hal's downfall could make more sense and be a real character-defining moment, but in retrospect it's probably better it was handled so poorly or he might never have come back!

Thanks, Drake! Hal is actually my favorite DC character too, so I hope that fellow Hal fans think I'm doing him justice.

Just wondering how Chapter 4 is progressing?

I'll be honest and admit that I haven't had a chance to start it this week. I've been dealing with a particularly nasty chest cold this past week on top of the two midterms on my plate. I'm going to try to start writing part 4 sometime this weekend and get it out next week though.

OK. Feel better soon, Kappa, and thanks for the update.

Get well soon pal!

Stay away from the brownies for now

Looking forward to the next installment!
- I like that so far you're focusing on character interactions to build the story rather than just throwing us into the plot mechanics.
- I've never been a fan of the "Hal the drunk" characterization that was shown in "Emerald Dawn" (he had one bad night yet he's been saddled with that forever) even though it makes sense that he'd like to tie one on once in awhile. I liked the interaction between him and John though.
- Also liked going from the very grounded convo in the bar to the two blue-collar alien guys as a way to introduce (what I'm assuming is) Parallax.

Gah! I completely forgot to start writing part 4! Sorry folks.

It's OK, Kappa. I had assumed you were just busy with studies and still dealing with that lingering cold bug.

Take all the time you need.