Best of luck on this endeavor Dean! It's not easy throwing yourself into the lion's den, having your art critiqued once you've placed yourself in the professional arena.
I love your sketches and am looking forward to seeing what finished pencils from you would look like. That said, I wouldn't recommend putting in that 7 page Jack the Ripper story. I didn't say anything when you posted it before since there's no reason to really critique fan art, but since you plan to put it in a professional portfolio... I didn't think it was so good, especially compared to what I've seen of your sketches. Maybe a lot was changed in the inking, but bottom line, those pages didn't look professional to me. I wouldn't say this if I didn't think you're capable of a lot better and there's no reason to show something that's less than stellar, regardless of whether or not it's been published.
That's my opinion, take it for what it's worth (lord knows every successful artist has been panned by plenty of folks on the way up). Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh, I'm really trying to be helpful
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