Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum Cobalt's Office of Security - Super, sexy 70's addition

Ohmygod, Hi Miss Teresa, nice bikini.

I hate to interupt Mr. Cobalt, but your new assistant, My Whee Fem, just called from Dr. One's office and he needs to see you like right now.

It's like something about your allergies to latex and penicillin, and a Public Health Notice that he needs names and phone numbers for...

Hm...this sounds like something my healing powers might be able to solve. Nothing like a little healing to start the day, as Marvin Gaye used to say.

So like, do I now have some authorita, now?

Cobie?

I'm sure you and the Royal twins felt it, but just to be sure you know, the Crisis is finally over. The Anti-Moderator is no more. I'll fill you in on the details later but first I have a memorial service to plan.

The Empress' sacrifice must be acknowledged and honored.

I expect that you will want to have a few minutes to eulogize her since she was a long time member of your staff.

The memorial will take place later today in Founders Square. I'll see you and the rest of her friends there. Please spread the word.

I will and thanks Vee. I did indeed feel it and am glad reality is restored to normal.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to say a few words about Sarya, I'd very much like that.

Ohmygod, Not until you like put some clothes on.

Then you can like be the new Receptionist.

(Puts on new uniform)

Isn't Space Ranger off dead somewhere?

Well, to be sure there isn't too much authority, and it'd have to be cleared by the Security Committee, a la the LMB Constitution.

In the meantime, you are in charge of all mystical crimes and are the lead investigator there. You have all the authority you need over the support staff. You can bring in other mystics to help you, but they won't be official security officers, as all of them must be approved by Matlock (new deputy security chief) and myself. I like your ideas of a mystic crimes division...you can run it however you see fit, with major decisions being reached by the top brass.

The Mystic Crimes Division budget that I've set, which you'll see, will be more than enough to meet your satisfaction. We have constant money coming in from a variety of sources.

Glad to know all that porn on the 14th floor has been cleaned out. We had trouble finding a place for it once we confiscated the infamous 'Poverty Ranch' along the dessert area.

Ohmygod, and in your spare time, which I'm like sure that almost all of your time will be, spare that is, or maybe wasted, but anyway in your spare time you can answer the phone and file.

The members of the Mystic Guard are hired by me for the Mystic Crime Division, hence they are not actually Security Officers, just subsets. But seeing as they are performing a service for us, they have to be paid. I just needed the floor for my books and stuff and thought, "heck, why not move the whole department there, more room for me."


Well, when Jailbait Lass can't get the phone, you'll have to get it, dearie, as I am not longer on the main level, but on level 14. Besides, I spend most of time not making Everyday Girl micros.

[hangs up wanted poster prominently on the wall]

Ohmygod!

It sure looks like a mystic (or maybe mythic) crime to me.

Let's all like stand back while Tem-Pest makes her first arrest.

Or, not a the case may be...

Of course all Security Officers realize this is just a ruse to lure out some horrendous criminal that the LW general populice has not been informed about, in case of a world wide panic.

We should definately frame it though

So, like I don't have to arrest anyone right, because I was like, "I'm in charge of the Mystic Crime Division, this doesn't have to do anything with my department, get someone else to clean up your messes."

Then my rant some how turned into me telling Everyday Girl that we were going to roshambo.

Jeepers! Glad that's resolved! Now you can assign Tempest to handle the upsurge of jaywalking on Legion Plaza!

Thanks for the input Eryk!

And the jaywalking is apparently being done by drunken, giggly gnomes, that cast spells!

This is right up Tempest's alley!

Those drunken, spellcasting, giggly gnomes sure are a nuisance! Why just the other day one of them magically replaced all the salt in Fat Cramer's salt-shaker with pepper, and all her pepper with salt!

There are an estimated 15 dead slugs because of it, including the Slug-Gender Reversal Stereotype of the Slug LMB, from "To Catch a Space-Thief"!

That counts as magical murder and mayhem in my book!

Er, why people wanted to put pepper on slugs is beyond me though...

Why, because they were trying to.... jillikers! I can't think of any plausible explanations either!

Obviously, it must have been some type of super-slug science that involves the imps from the 5th dimension! It makes sense, considering that pepper to them is the same as intense radioactivity to us humans!

Oh, I always forget about pepper being like intense radioactivity to imps from the 5th dimension! No doubt they had employed the slugs in their scientific experiments, expecting them to be immune to the pepper radiation, only to be shocked when their subjects shrivelled up a died as a result of the substituted salt!

I now fear that the guilt the imps are feeling, unkowingly being responsible for multiple homicides, may be enough to push them over the edge.

The subsequent Imp/Gnome War will be bloody and horrific!

I'm only now realizing the full implications! It might be necessary for a full code red LMB alert!

I'm not sure what that means, but i'm securing the pay-per-view rights just in case.