Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum The FIVE FACES OF DEATH: The Bride of Lonestar Ranger!!!

At last, my plans are reaching economic fruition. Investors are rapidly buying up Legion World stocks at inflated prices and when the market falls, I'll collect.

But now I turn my attentions to ruining a beloved LMB marriage and creating my own.

*dastardly grin*

<Message to Frio>

Frio, I have urgent need to speak to you at your earliest convenience, concerning your sister Caliente. Gary Concord is of course welcome. I have turned her almost completely over, but we have agreed on a plan in order to move forward. We will need you to begin infiltrating the LMB…

<There is a brilliant beam of light and then... Empress Frio suddenly appears.>

You have need for me, Lonestar Ranger?

I am pleased to hear of your progress with Caliente; however, the idea of returning to the LMB is... disconcerting. Still, I am fully prepared to act for the greater good of our cause as it suits me to see us succeed.

(Cali is running for LMB Leader? Dammit! This doesn't look good for me at all...)

(I'm going to need to think of something to explain to Frio, otherwise she'll start asking questions.)

Frio, dear lady, perhaps we shall discuss the infiltration of the LMB, as I previously mentioned. You'll notice a very public display of rudeness and uncouth attitudes among the LMB, specifically Tamper Lad and Lard Lad, as they subject your sister to their disgusting advances. Not only must she deal with that tiresome Actor Lad for a husband, but now also these bumbling would-be suitors.

(Now I must play this carefully)

Ha! While those idiot LMBers battle zombies at their security office, my plans proceed perfectly. I find it highly amusing that both Lard Lad and Tamper Lad’s crushes on Caliente remain as public as ever, and cannot wait to see their reaction once she marries me.

I can assure you Frio, that my intentions are noble. In my many talks with Caliente, I've discovered that both Actor Lad and Tamper Lad have used their various powers to influence towards them in the past, and now Lard Lad attemtps to do the same.

I've coached her along and helped her break the hold they have on her slightly, but it will take more time. During this period, we've both begun to care deeply for each other. We are considering plans to marry. Perhaps after we accomplish our goals, Cali and I, along with Gary Concord and yourself, shall be the ruling families of Legion World? We can finally clean up this planet and set things right. I would be like a brother-in-law to you, and I would swear to always treat your 'sister' right.

Undoutedly, I would have to execute Actor Lad, Tamper Lad and Lard Lad.

< pop >

<enters, neither Frio nor Lonestar is apparently present>

Frio?

<looks around>

Look, I come in peace and mean you know harm.

If you're here...I need to talk to you about Caliente...and how she's being hurt by Lonestar Ranger!

Frio, you here? Thought I heard your voice...

<reveals herself to Lard Lad>

You come in peace? A shame I cannot say the same.

Still, I will entertain your follies. What, pray tell, has the Ranger done to hurt Caliente?

According to the Ranger, it is you-- along with Tamper Lad and Actor Lad, her *shudders* husband-- who have been using your powers to affect her. He claims you and Tamper Lad have thrown yourselves at her, but she loves him and has expressed wish to marry him once she is free of Actor Lad.

(Why are all these men obsessed with her, I wonder? She does not seem so remarkable. Perhaps I did pick the wrong body.)

<moves closer, running one finger down Lard Lad's chest>

Tell the truth now. I will know if you are lying. And, if I so desire, punished accordingly.

<tries not to be turned on>

Look, Frio, I'm in love with Cali, but I haven't done anything to hurt her.

Lonestar, however, is using his alliance with you to blackmail her into marrying him! She still loves Actor Lad with all her heart...believe me, I know...

I am certain that Lonestar is playing the two of you for fools--using his connection to you both to play both ends!

Do you want that slimy maggot touching Cali when all she wants is to help you? She's willing to divorce the love of her life for you!

Are you going to allow this to happen?!?!

<checks monitors>

Lard Lad, visiting Frio? What is that fat fool doing? I better check it out...

<begins flying back to HQ>

<frowns, trying to quell the conflicting feelings and personalities inside of her>

Though it may pain me to admit it, I think I... I think I believe you, Lard Lad.

*sniffs* What do I care for Caliente's problems? She may care for whoever she chooses. It's her bed to make, and it's hers to sleep in.

(Stop fighting me! Stop it, stop it! I don't care for your little friend! Stop it, Frio! You have already lost!)

But for the Ranger to presume-- for him to try and play me... *the air around her begins to glow as the temperature drops* I will make him pay.

<sets her cold, glowing white eyes on Lard Lad>

Be gone, Lard Lad, lest you wish to share in the wrath I shall bring onto the Lonestar Ranger.

<arrives>

Back away Lard Lad. Frio, I'll handle this scum.

<pulls out blaster, points at Lard Lad>

I don't know what you're planning, trying to assault my partner, but that's enough. Don't believe a word he says Frio. He can't be trusted. He's trying to ruin my--that is, our--plans.

<grins>

Freudian slip, eh, Ranger? Oh yeah...and we'll see how effective that blaster is against the Lard Force, creep! Go ahead..try it! Please!

<nothing happens, turns back to Frio>

See what I mean? This idiot's pure slime...he's beneath you!

Bah! Don't listen to him Frio.

Please Lard Lad. With your kiss of death, even bothering to pine for Caliente puts her in danger.

<grins, but wipes sweat off forehead>

Now aren't there zombies invading Legion World or something?

Frio, don't listen to this fool.

Frio? Why are you so silent?

Frio begins to float, the glow slowly growing as she gathers her strength.

"You dare, Lonestar Ranger? You dare?! I think you had it right the first time-- they are your plans!

"I can't believe I was such a fool. To trust you on Gary's word alone. He's a fool, as well.

"But now, Ranger-- now you will wish I were still silent. Now you will pay!"

The Empress raises her arms high above her and a flood of ice and magic strikes Lonestar Ranger at once. He is frozen to the spot for an instant, and then he is shattered into millions of pieces. The pieces all disappear before hitting the ground.

Suddenly only Lard Lad and The Empress are left in the room.

"The Lonestar Ranger is dead," she says in a deep voice, as unlike the peppy Frio as night is to day. "As is Frio. Only The Empress remains!"

Then she disappears in a flash of light, her haunting laughter remaining long after she's gone.

[breaks his stunned silence]

Crap! What was that? Did she really kill that slime? Was that not really Frio...is she--?

I...I've gotta find Cali...and Des!

pop

"Only The EMPRESS Remains"

I should have...

No! What's done is done, it's what I do now that matters...

Whoever the Empress is, She'll rue the day she decided to harm Frio.

Ranger, wherever you are, lay low... you'll know when to re-appear.

In the briefest of moments, the Lonestar Ranger finally realizes that he's made one mistake too many and now its time to pay the fates.

His body instantly freezes and his final thoughts turn to this: "I'll never be able to spend all that money I amassed on Legion World."

Fr-Frio...gak...

And so the Lonestar Ranger dies...

<flies in>

Ah, the scene of the crie.

<scattered ice pieces all over>

I definately do not want to be here when that all begins to melt. Poor Lonestar Ranger...like so many others you thought you could manipulate the LMB and Legion World, but it proved too much for you. Now you're just another casualty.

<pulls out omni-recorder>

Well Tamper Lad, let's hope this device you made me works. I should be able to replay all that's happened here in the last hour, and let it download directly into my brain.

<sits in an ice throne>

In the meantime, perhaps she's still around...