22. Taking a real interest in how the villain builds his orbital death rays, means I'm chatting away when I should be saving the charred ruins of freedom loving areas of the world.
34. Next door, The Wayne's got a bat thrown through their window inspiring them to fight crime. The newspaper boy just threw yesterday's paper through mine. Sure, I investigate what's in it, but it had all already happened...
I took out the "radioactive ruin" part of the post as I thought it lacked impact. Unlike all these giant green rocks flying around here, now I'm back home.
58. Because I'm working undercover with Infectious Lass trying to prevent her arch enemy Mr Sniffles from infecting presidential candidates with pneu... ah, look what happened when I'm typing...ah heck...Drura is not going to be happy...
61. "And the Mighty (yet burned out) Johns said 'Let the colours of the Rings be combined!' And so it came to pass. But following the dispute against the Estate of Tolkein the ring was...um... powered down quite a bit. But, you know, changing the colours of things can be pretty effective too you know." - Plaid Lad.
66. Yes, I look just like him. Yes, the whole book went for years, and a dozen writers, with people thinking he was me, down to the tiniest detail. But he was a clone, I tell you. I'm not responsible for anything bad that happened in the end. I was trapped down one of the Holes on the planet Plott the whole time. Now let me out of this cell, or my buddies will get me out. Either the Avengers or the Sinister Six depending on who they think I am today.
72. "I'm not saying that innovation is on the decline. But after Hourman and Minute Man, it's disappointing to have powers that are gone before I can move." - Nano Man.
74. I was a hugely famous hero. But that's before my arch foe Copyright Kid stole that time bubble. Now I spend all my time in court trying to prove everyone wrong.
78. I was all ready for my Legion try out after 4 hours at the Country Buffet. *Then* they tell me that Bulimic Boy wouldn't set the right tone for their team.
83. Because the MBTA (Boston joke here) Orange Line was not running and instead had shuttles. By the time I got there, the city was in ruins, villains had left and the fare home increased by 9%.
85. I had ensure that I locked the front door, then went back inside to see if I had left a light on, then relocked the door, then went back because I thought I left a light on, the relocked the door but remembered to turn on a light before I leave....
83. Because the MBTA (Boston joke here) Orange Line was not running and instead had shuttles. By the time I got there, the city was in ruins, villains had left and the fare home increased by 9%.
86. Because I didn't have enough change to get off the MTA.
90. "My folks didn't raise me to be arrogant enough to call myself Mr Terrific, but I do admit that Mister Mediocre sure doesn't bring in much sponsorship money."
95. New York has Giants, Tennessee has Titans, Oakland has Raiders, New England has Patriots and Minnesota has Vikings, who needs my weak power to protect them? I would probably fumble it anyways.
98. So I kept making like, "May the light of goodness burn the evil out of your souls!", "Cower before my radiance!", "I call on the life-giving heat to warm your cold, cold bones!". I mean, Storm of the X-Men talks like that all the time. And White Witch of the Legion. And most magicians. But nooooo, the villains wouldn't act like proper villains and just stand there while I talk. They kept rushing me while I was talking!
103. Being The Mighty Plunger Man was not the only bad choice, Using Port-a-Potties as my change room and having the call sign of a drain only limited my rescue business. Septic Boy and I are now listed in the Yellow Pages next to Roto-Rooter.
113. "Will you turn that !*$* signal watch off Jimmy?! It's two in the morning and don't tell me you didn't know I was with Lois! You do this every time!"
116. "Well, it was the '90's and grim and deadly anti-hero vigilantes were everywhere. When I saw that my arch nemesis was going to be The Castrator, I just quit."
134. "If I agree to type a post for that man, then I'll be taking his commands. That's a mental shackle, and I'll lose all my powers under shackles. > Furious typey, type, type, type<" - Golden Age Wondy
185. Because they revisited the drugs tests of a decade ago and found that I was using a banned substance. But I'm not the only one.... the whole Justic...>sqwaaark< this is Oracle. This post has been terminated.
189. Because I, Dr Mayavale, have already spent a millenia doing good deeds. Now, to restore the Karmic balance, it's time for a millenia of Evil! (and petty revenge for all the things that annoyed me when I was doing good.)
192. Because I have trouble remembering where I...what was it...I had it in my mind before I came here...oh well I'm sure it'll come to me sometime later.
228. I killed one of their associates, blinded another and chucked a third into the time stream before imprisoning and torturing the others. Oh wait...
229. I only fell in love with a man who killed one of my associates, blinded another, chucked a third in the timestream, forced a half dozen into hiding and imprisoned the rest, plus subjugated the entire Earth.
230. Murdered someone although it was hushed up in a retcon, created an indestructible creature, created another one that rampaged through Metropolis, and was retconned into helping in the creation of yet another man's powers that would end up killing millions across the galaxy. Oh wait...
264. After fighting Bacteria Betty, my union suit deteriorated while flying over the city. 48 solved cases, and the police call me a perv for mooning the city.
275. I tried, but when Rota Rooter Man said he wanted to rule the world, I just got fed up and said "Okay! Fine! First, you need to solve the problem of war between Tenktous 8 and Farfrumpoopen 3. Then there's the Galaxy council trade conference. At 48.28994.11 you have the delegates from Glaxion Prime...." It went on like that for about four and a half hours. The poor guy just broke down and cried. He's in a straight jacket now, drooling in a corner. They said I was just too nasty to be a hero.
276. It's important not to just stop the villains but understand them. That's why I came up with "be a vilain for the day." It's not my fault some of them switched sides and Supes incinerated Metropolis.
284. Well the funniest thing happens when you smash a non-superpowered villain in the face with a brick at 180 mph ... but apparently it can get you tossed out of the superheroes club
301. ... I joined in the big 300th Anniversary issue, but there was the usual reader slump after it, leading to my removal form the team in an attempt to gain sales.
302. The OTHER company claimed I was a rip-off of one of their most famous heroes. Well, I never! I am Mark Dent, the Incredible-Man! Also known as Lak-Le from the planet Xenon! I am nothing if not original!
303. I was out on a date with Infectous Lass the other night, might have to change my name to Diarrhetic Lad. Excuse but I need to run...where's the bathroom in this place!!!
305. The Comics Code Authority forbids the portrayal of supernatural creatures such as myself, and you can't superhero these days without a comic line to leverage your merchandising.
It's all about brand management, donchaknow? Did you think it was a coincidence that the Legion was kickstarted by a man named Brande?
323. I was an even bigger lech than Roy Harper... I tried sleeping with all the heroes and villains of all sexes and genders... not Roy himself though. That was the kicker. He felt left out.
324. Between the beer gut and the moobs, my 'six pack' was more like a 'three pack.'
325. I stubbornly defied convention and wore my underwear *on the inside.* Turns out any sort of convention defying behavior that has Superman on one side and the 'new guy nobody has heard of' on the other automatically defaults to 'Superman wins.'
326. My battle-cry of 'Respect mah authoritah!' turns out to already be trademarked by someone else. A ligitious someone else...
323. I was an even bigger lech than Roy Harper... I tried sleeping with all the heroes and villains of all sexes and genders... not Roy himself though. That was the kicker. He felt left out.
OK that really IS worthy of an eighty-six. Poor Roy.
337. When I joined the Legion of Nut Crackers I thought it was because they were tough. How was I to know, when I bought peanut butter, that they existed to eradicate nuts from the world because of their allergies.
345. While psychokinetic is just another word for telekinetic, it seems that psychopath is *not* just another word for telepath...
346. Also, pyrokinetic is a superpower and can get you a spot in the Fantastic Four or Legion of Super-Heroes. Pyromaniac, not so much. I even got turned down by the Flash's Rogues Gallery, because Heatwave said the position was filled.
353. Kept trying to capture the aliens, monsters, super-villains, etc. and put them in my extra-dimensional menagerie, insisting that I needed to 'collect them all.'
356. So hard to find criminals who are willing to resolve disputes with group therapy. Everyone's so angry and confrontational!
357. So hard to find criminals who are willing to resolve disputes with rock, paper, scissors. It's all about the punching and explosions with these people!
352. After a space disaster horror movie situation, I'd be pulling for the aliens after all that screaming and crying from the humans.
[tangent] You just described my problem with shows like the Battlestar Galactica reboot, or the Walking Dead. The 'protagonists' are so assy to each other, I end up rooting for the robots/zombies/whatever to just kill them all already! [/tangent]
358. I couldn't be a hero, because of all the drama and hero vs. hero 'choose a side!' infighting. Team villain is where it's at. So much better behaved! Also, generally, less judgmental about costumes and color choices.
360. Having to repeatedly die and come back made my friends angry since they got tired of all the wakes and funerals then welcome back parties. They said I was doing it for the attention and gifts. [aside] Maybe a little. [/aside]
363. Listen! You try and grab someone from a burning building! It don't matter where your hands go! You just wanna get them away so you can rescue someone else. Now I got to put up with all these groping allegations...
365. Technically, I did stop the villains... it's just that I destroyed the universe and created another in its place at the same time. - Singularity Lad
370. Edna Mode said, "No More Capes!" and my super-powers, which were entirely based on my magic cloak, went away. That was some Wanda Maximoff **** right there... - Cape Lad.
372. I kept asking all the attractive lady villains if they wanted to go "Netflix and chill". I honestly thought it just meant watch some tv. They took exception.
374. My obsessive compulsive habit of following orders. Seriously, I was once told to go jump inna Space Lake. It was alcoholic methane clouds. It just...it just wouldn't work.
"Because I can't stop watching The Six Million Dollar Man, no matter what. If I do, Steve sings again.... People will have to save themselves this once" was deemed "unacceptable".
379. The Planetary League of Justice already had a Saturn Girl, a Miss Mercury, a Jon Jupiter, a Martian Manhunter, etc. and all that was left was... Uranus Lad. Hard pass.
388. One of a kind love affair Man here. Look, she didn't LOOK 82. I thought she was in her mid fifties. Broken hips happen. I thought she said Lambada, not lombago.
389. Was in the greenhouse when I heard the call for help and grabbed what I thought was my Miraclo pill but instead was MiracleGro. Needless to say I grew some very lovely African Violets for the victim when I visit the hospital.
392. I'm so rarely in the country now. When they said I was going to be "defender of the realm," I didn't realise it meant renting me out to our "allies" to bomb the crap out of people they didn't like. - Typhoon Lad
397. My powers of "reversal" opperated at the wierdest times. No one likes a flying man to suddenly become super dense and crash through their skylight as they are taking a soak.
402. Sponsorship was considered to be a great thing, even back in the early days of super heroes. So, when Coca Cola wanted me to be Cocaine Kid, it seemed like the future was bright.
408. I didn't know how to prioritize my people-saving. I mean, surely saving a cat from a tree is more important than visiting a child in the hospital?
408. I didn't know how to prioritize my people-saving. I mean, surely saving a cat from a tree is more important than visiting a child in the hospital?
I think so
409. It was an election promise! How was I to know that Alec Holland was one with the entire area? - The Swamp Drainer
413. I showed up and called myself the Krypton Kid, which seemed to impress people, but when they discovered that all I did was generate the element krypton, they all seemed disappointed in me.
415. Because I've channeled all my living duplicate selves into a very lucrative online scalping biz. Sold a few of my teammates some slightly marked-up tickets online to an Eagles concert and then they found out. [rolleyes] Why does everyone hate free enterprise so much? That elaborate corsetry I only bought to satisfy the sexist, ageist, body-shaming dress code they put into place over my objections... it ain't exactly cheap. (Also, HELLO it's The Eagles and you deserve whatever you get.)
417. When I defeated Slugman, with chemical compounds and electrical power, I was charged with A Salt and Battery. Screw'em, I'll take my baseball and bat and go somwhere's else!
420. I aim for the Lowest Common Denominator, then defuse my critics by claiming to do it ironically. - Any random British comics writer born between 1960 and 1971.
421. 'Cor Blimey Gov! Those Jerries would've won if me fish supper powered footy skills hadn't kicked that grenade into their trench! Thanks to the class system for keepin' me in me place: enlistin' an' eatin' fish 'n chips. - Lowest Common Denominator Man (The Victor 1970 Annual)
421. 'Cor Blimey Gov! Those Jerries would've won if me fish supper powered footy skills hadn't kicked that grenade into their trench! Thanks to the class system for keepin' me in me place: enlistin' an' eatin' fish 'n chips. - Lowest Common Denominator Man (The Victor 1970 Annual)
LOL
422. Me skills at playin' the keys on the Old Joanna made even Chico Marx sound good. The neighbours beat me to a pulp with their brass instruments, they did.
430. Heroes, bah! They're nothing but apologists for the status quo. And by status quo, of course, I mean crappy guitar bands who should've called it a day long ago. Rock THIS all over the world, you ______!
430. Heroes, bah! They're nothing but apologists for the status quo. And by status quo, of course, I mean crappy guitar bands who should've called it a day long ago. Rock THIS all over the world, you ______!
I can't believe What You're Proposing. It's like you're Down Down on hearing the Quo Again and Again. I could go Running All Over The World to find a chart expert to show their success. But we've got The Wanderer right here on LW already.
431. My symbiotic costume was supposed to be my foe. And it is. But it wanted to be the good guy.
436. I auditioned like everyone else... then that mean Simon started laughing at me.. and he was very mean... and I may have accidentally killed them all... but you understand, right?
448. We were so amped before our first time travel trip! We couldn't wait to see our bright shining future. Except that we really do wipe ourselves out over climate change. There didn't seem to be much point after that.
448. My amazing powers come from my symbiotic alien costume, which is, embarassingly, not comfortable with crowds and oozes away to hide and leaves me powerless (and naked!) whenever a bunch of people are around...
450. I was drawn by Rob Liefield. Between the massive hyperthyroid pectoral muscles, the hundreds of tiny pouches everywhere, and the teensy ballerina-like feet, I kept toppling over. *sob* <choke>
451. I was excited to be on the cover, finally! But it turned out to be one of those 'One of these heroes dies!' covers, and the other people were more popular...
459. I was more concerned with my costume not ripping, than with protecting innocents... I mean, one has to look good! Do you know how quickly a bad outfit gets thrashed on Instagram??
462. Out of the blue, I'm the subject of a drugs issue. I'd rather quit than have to go through it every time there's a reboot. Which is every fortnight.
473. Apparently it's also a very very very bad idea to drink on the job, especially when you're a vampire. What? They were already bleeding when I got there!
482. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack got caught anyway stealing the masterplans for the cosmic Nair bomb out the vault to sell on the underground hair market. Durlans were tired of everyone else flaunting their locks. Jack needed money for klordny week...and he was going bald anyway...
485. Called Evil Eve "Bazooka Betty" after the fifties themed party. Bazooka Betty was fine with it, but Gretchen Garters had a problem with it for some reason.
492. And I got tired of going to the dentist three times a week to keep my teeth shiny and white for all those panels I spend in the dark, with only my shiny teeth and eyes illuminated...
493. The contact lenses I had to wear for that also got kept drying my eyes up...
494. Giffen took over my book. No-one could tell if I was a hero or not in all the shadow. Sometimes, they'd call the cops due to the grunting noises they heard from the shadows. I was fighting crooks in there, honest I was!
498. Auditioned for one of those Japanese video games like Final Fantasy, but Í did not look androgynous enough and I could not pull off the broody look...
506. Spent so much time in the gym, but all the training was for cosmetic purposes... I like to look good... but I neglected my stamina and fighting training...
still, even when I'm sprawled unconscious on the ground, I look great!
Well, he's definitely not a man, man. At least, not during the old JLI days
508. I wanted to be the only Green Lantern in the Corps... which didn't help because I could not cover the whole galaxy myself... so then I tried to steal Duplicate Damsel's powers... but Bouncing Boy painted himself in yellow and squished me.... so yeah...
511. My mutant power to screw up the math centers of people's brains was 1) not terribly effective in combat, 2) also affected my teammates and 4) also afflicts me... - Innumeracy Lad.
522. Too busy playing Fortnite on the giant Mission Monitor Board to be able to see the Trouble Alerts... So, yeah, sorry about those puppies in that fire, but I got high score!
623. Kept using the HQ computer to buy deals on shopping sites and to send money to Nigerian princes... how was I to know that I would expose the team bank account to fraud and wipe us out completely?!
529. Turns out 'Parody law' doesn't prevent Namor and Ben Grimm from teaming up to kick your butt if you try to popularize your 'new' catchphrases of 'Imperius Sex!' and 'It's Slobbering Time!'
533. My Time Freeze powers applied to the villains...but not to the Earth they stood on, resulting in them being left behind to die in a frozen vacuum.
538. My power is turning people into animals... and usually, the civilians and hostages are the only ones nearby whom I can use to attack the super-villain...
565. I got a super team try out on the back of me being the champion of a country. When they found out that my country seceded from the actual country last week, and went from my house to the pub...
571. Got caught via someone's phone yelling, "Go to bed, Old Man!!" and when the Twitter brigade demanded that I to clarify whether I meant the current Prez or the next one, I said, "Both."
582. I let myself go. Turns out, spandex is INCREDIBLY revealing... and they just don't take you seriously when your belly rolls jiggle while you tell them to surrender
584. The rest of the team discovered my OnlyFans site and kicked me out... Yeesh, I mean, I spend all this time keeping fit, might as well use it to get extra bucks...
586. As soon as I spoke out against the evils in the world, all my sponsors threatened to dump me, under pressure form the governments I was speaking about.
567. Said that cutting the crusts off the tea sandwiches is silly if you're just going to throw them away. At least put them out for the crows and pigeons, you snobby snobs!
568. Made a political statement against (country X), resulting in country threatening to quit all the international organizations it is a member of unless I resigned...
570. I started a campaign asking all the heroes to PLEASE stop wearing spandex, it is giving children the wrong ideas and promoting unhealthy body images and causing unnecessary stress to the poor non-heroic civilians who just want to let themselves go a little! Society's unattainable standards of attraction MUST STOP!
571. All the other clawed (yet baffling considered to be heroic) psychopaths felt that me serving cocktail snacks and mini kebabs on my claws demeaned them.
579. My vulnerability to marshmallow fluff was considered too silly, said the guy who was weakened by wood back in the 20th century when we tried to team up.
581. My powers are based on fearlessness... but I lost them when I was too scared to put "fluffernutters" into a search engine, fearing I would be taken away by the authorities.
587. Just felt like a complete jackass fighting other heroes over absurd misunderstandings during first-time meetings. I know it drums up sales, but... Nah.
585. Being Kite Kid meant I was only available on days with a breeze and if someone could hold onto my string.
588. I thought 'hold my string' was a euphemism. So, I both failed a teammate who flew off to never be seen again *and* I can no longer be within 200 yards of a school...
589. Got just as much adoration from the public by starting one of those YouTube stray animal rehab channels. Plus, I don't have to dress up or get hit in the face anymore.
593. I kept talking about my secret identity, which is apparently more interesting than my superhero one. In my civilian guise, I've already gotten three book deals, dozes of speaking offers and am going to be casted in a remake of Gladiator...
595. "Jelly rolls?", they cried! Who doesn't like jelly rolls! These people are nuts if they think for a hot minute that we might not to need to stop a battle for jelly rolls!
597. Being an imaginary superhero friend is time consuming, fighting balloon people from Planet Helium, etc. But when I tried to go into the "real" world to do "real" battles of "real" villains and bad guys I found out I was really just a figment of your...*
599. I wanted to try something different with the costumes, but as I was hot gluing my cape to my wrists for dramatic flair I accidently set up a huge glitter bomb in the Hall of Starkness.
608. We weren't getting enough good press, so I sorta gathered some two-bit hoods for us to heroically curbstomp and anonymously contacted the media so that they could show up just in time to film us... getting our asses kicked by those 'two-bit hoods.' Oops.
612. Severed ties with a president of my own country while happily accepting endorsements and promotions form countries with appalling human, womens and LGBTQ rights records.
613. I had the wrong date in my calendar for the tryouts and missed the opportunity to show them how I can make tapioca pudding answer my call to battle.
615. My deity granted powers stopped working when it was conclusively proven to me that there never was an ancient Egyptian god of Mexican Wrestling...
620. My all seeing eye is located in my belly button so when they said I would have to wear a onesie that would cover it, I realized I would be "Third Eye Blind".
622. As the last living descendant of the Knights Who Say "Ni!", I found that my teammates would not stop saying that accursed word and went back to tending to my shrubberies.
623. It turned out that fast fists and a domino mask wasn't enough to break the will of the third reich. Some parachute training would have helped too.
627. The abilities to cause bobby soxers to faint while I crooned was not very useful on the frontlines, but I did win six Grammies and have three platinum records for Decca Records.
629. I smiled too much and my Earth-424242 was stuck in the 90s grim and gritty heroes so everyone just wondered what I was up to. (Also my chest wasn't twice the size of a normal humans.)
633. My origin story / power source was deemed to set a bad example. I mean, Captain America got his power from steroids, and why does Spider-Man get to be the only one to have a special relationship with Mary-Jane? - Captain Spliff
645. My power to generate objects and structures of bone grown from my own constantly-regenerating-skeleton was deemed 'gross' and 'unsanitary.' - Osteolad
646. I really don't get it... Infectious Lass has a cult following, with her becoming a Legionnaire 5YL and in tons of fanfic by talented writers! Why not me, too?!?!?! - Sexually-Infectious Lad
650. To build trust within the team, I held a no-mask event... media and social media backlash was swift... but come on, EVERYONE was protected by the Green Lantern's rings screening out the virus...
651. ... which I should also not have mentioned, as now everyone is asking WHY we didn't just let the Green Lanterns cleanse the virus from the global atmosphere...
268. After the last couple of election cycles, my give a damn got up and left. I'd probably rescue some innocents, but I'd smoke a stogie if the galactic capital went up in flames.
27...er...5? Other members were a bit freaked out when they turned on a light and I would scurry away or would be up on the kitchen counters or inside cabinet drawers. Roach Kid
27...er...5? Other members were a bit freaked out when they turned on a light and I would scurry away or would be up on the kitchen counters or inside cabinet drawers. Roach Kid
277. I committed cockroach genocide on Roach Kid's people
281. I kept rebooting the team to back when it had the members I remembered from my childhood... - Nostalgia Lad (also reboots lists, available for parties!)
287. Joining six different teams because they needed my popularity power, was getting too exhausting. Like seriously, I'm now a member of the Justice Alliance Earth, the Terrific Teen Team, the Y-People, the Secret Squad, the Prudent Posse AND the Revengers!
And even the Battalion of Super-Plants and the Space Cowboy Rodeo Clowns want me to join! I don't even know how to ride a space-horse!
292. I kept throwing out all the unlabeled stuff in the team refrigerator. I thought I was being tidy. Turns out that those Chimorta eggs needed to be kept cool for a reason...
293. I kept getting told that I needed to show up at least to one battle, but I am Holiday Kid and everyday is a holiday and therefore a day off for me.
296. I lived to ruin the sleep cycles of the other heroes by strictly enforcing the savings of daylight ritual I found rather quaint from the distant past.
307. As Protector of the Sewers, I save people from deadly sewage related viruses. I carry industrial cleaners for my job. How it all got replaced by lavender hand sanitiser, remains a mystery.
311. I had all the powers and personality. But being a superhero in the 1500s, meant that by the time the carrier pigeon reached me about the emergency, it was too late to do anything about it.
313. I made everyone wear green on St. Patrick's day and Blue Beetle, Red Tornado and Black Canary filed a complaint of discrimination against me stating I was a colorist! Well color me pink!
315. I brought my bug collection to add to the Hall of Trophies, I didn't know I had not secured Killer Moth, Ambush Bug, the Beetle, Black Widow and Spider-Man onto the display well enough and a huge batte began and destroyed all of the trophies.
337. Spent the entire time I was with the team trying to prove if buttered toast will fall butter side up or down. The data entry tied up the mainframe cutting off the crime alerts.
657. Instead of teaming up with my alternate selves to fight crime, or fighting them to the death, I invited them over for Netflix and Chill. My boyfriend at least, was very happy.
660. My other major commercial venture: hiring those artisans who do dollhouse-scaled cooking videos on YouTube to come to work as professional chefs on Imsk, has also been very successful. In fact, I hired away several other heroes looking for career change to help me keep up with paperwork, Customs, transport, and the like.
661. I refused to use translation technology to speak to the public on missions. Turns out the Tagalog word for "run this way!" sounds terribly like the Interlac pronunciation for "make yourself a bigger target"...
672. I kept lecturing the people I rescued on how they needed to take responsibility for their own situations and stop waiting around all helpless for someone to come save them. - Self Reliance Lad
680. So I thought my talent of being the Bug Bomb would help with a Brood infestation of the teams, but I ran into issues with Blue Beetle, Red Bee, Black Widow, Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Ant-Man, Wasp, Yellowjacket, etc.
681. I was booted off the team, and am no longer allowed within 600 ft. of Charlize Theron. It was all a big misunderstanding! C'mon, if you had tracking powers and could fly anywhere on Earth in a couple of minutes, wouldn't you keep up with your favorite celebrities? - Dawnstar Boy
690. I showed too much flesh. Even the people calling for male/female equality in wearing unrealistic bare-all costumes complained that my outfit was too skimpy!
695. I gifted everyone a new pair of Spandex undies that I procured at an estate sale while I was supposed to be on a mission to a system with a red sun.
701. Got distracted after my workout, and ended up handing the diamonds to one of the bad guys, whacking the chief of police on the head, and taking a selfie instead of taking a photo of the crime scene.
703. Tried to get the other members in a pyramid scheme to sell hot gems from Mercury not have read the no soliciting clause. But they sure do sparkle with that inner fire in their facets.
705. I took a page from Simon Cowell and told aspiring super-heroes bluntly that they were not cut out for super-heroing. Turns out I was being realistic but mean...
706. Warned everyone about pestering me regarding my refusal to bleach my mustache. Then I waited until they were all asleep and drew mustaches on *them* .
707. Gave several very public interviews telling the public all sorts of secrets about my super-heroic teammates and how they were chauvinistic, mean, and made several daily micro-aggressions
713. Told everyone my pet hamster had super powers. He can stuff crazy amounts of food into his cheeks. People laughed at me and my hamster. He got mad and stuffed them into his cheeks. I got them out, but I still haven't found Plastic Man.
716. Got the stuffy by-the-book leader voted off the island. Was unanimously voted the new leader. Wanted none of that boring responsibility and shirked my new duties. Now Stuffy is back in charge and I'm on the outs... - Charisma Lad.
722. My picking up things as souvenirs of the battles was frowned on by law enforcement. Just a few baubles left over from a jewelry heist, a piece of painted cloth from an art theft, etc. It's all quite innocent really.
331. I didn't crave for adventure, I just literally wanted to get through my regular working day in peace! Those reports and timesheets won't file themselves you know!
336. When questioning villains, I threatened them with mice, garlic, feathers and vinegar. They broke down so completely that... yeah. Arkham is full now.
340. I stopped fighting crime to focus on wellness. All that stress! I can't even read a book or take a bath without getting interrupted. And all that flying around at high speed in the day is wreaking havoc on my skin!
343. Found out the real identity of the jerkbag editor who had my best friend "fridged" because he thought it'd add some excitement to her dull super-boyfriend's dull life. Then I put said editor into an actual fridge and threw it into the sea.
352. Too busy helping the others place bets on all three rounds of Duolingo Owl vs. Clippy The Paperclip
(I'm just like Don King, except that my hair lacks a certain je ne sais quoi, especially since it hasn't met a barber since about January 21st, 2020. But oh well...)
356. I kept picking my nose while flying. Turns out that even a small speck of... um... dirt... if highly dense.. can cause major damage when dropped from high enough - Highly Dense Man
364. I let a TNR'ed feral cat colony come live in our HQ's tea garden. Everyone complained about the smell, though I did my best to keep the boxes clean.
366. One by one, I replaced my colleagues on the team with Cleome's feral cat colony. They looked adorable in their little capes. The crime rate plummeted, as nearly dead criminals were returned to the Back Garden of Justice to meet their ultimate fate.
344. Suggested professional group mediation instead of constant fisticuffs. But Holy Cannoli it's unbelievable how much those folks charge an hour! It's almost less expensive to just keep trashing Downtown every couple of weeks and then letting the Foundation pay for repairs and doctors.
348. Said the wrong thing in the interview, without prefacing it with "well, my personal experience was..," and immediately got cancelled for pushing an agenda
358. Since believing in reincarnation, I've taken the long view. Everyone will get to pay their karmic debt, even if it's over many lifetimes. Who am I to interfere?
360. I just can't superhero today. Pam, from my fitting crew, called out and her replacement isn't nearly trained yet, and my hair & makeup people are stuck in traffic. Trust me, you don't want me out in public saving lives looking like this! -Lights, Camera, Action Lad
362. My horoscope said I'd find disappointment in any new ventures starting today, so I couldn't fight that new villain. Couldn't some old villain have showed up? I could have fought him... -Astrology Lad
369. My mother has the better super powers. Last time I fought a villain, she came in smacked her silly in 3 minutes... all I accomplished in 30 minutes was a broken arm... mine
379. The villain was my brother Bob. Bob the slightly seedy. Look, I've known the guy since we were babies. He's a little creepy, but not really a bad guy.
394. I accepted bribes from grandparents whose kids were naughty when they were young, to replace their grandkids temporarily with robotic duplicates to give their kids a taste of their own medicine for a bit
395. I just replaced everyone with robot duplicates. I just sat about, while they roughed each other up and bribed each other. My robot duplicate would sometimes save something. Normally not enough to get into a super team. But when they are robot duplicates too, it's not so hard.
397. I started out as a hero in Bendis' Powers book. Sadly, by the time we'd finished our witty banter, half the city had been demolished. Then, we made quips about that too.
407. Called myself Major Mis Take, because I was able to rewind events in real life. Dead people did not appreciate being brought back to life just to die by murder again. Never mind the people in the periphery of my power range that were in the bathroom.