This is the thread in which you are to ask whatever questions you will of candidates once they have declared their candidacy. (Please understand most of these candidates are people you wouldn't want washing your car or mowing your lawn when formulating the questions).

The candidates are commanded to answer the questions as untruthfully and/or as self-servingly as is appropriate.

So, candidates.

If I were looking for someone to wash my car, would you be a good choice?

What color underwear do you wear?

I'll only vote for someone who wears green underpants. That's the color I wear!

I just love when the Election Tyrant gets all officious.

"Commanded"... just gives me goose pimples, I tell you.


So... even though I don't think there are any declared candidates yet... once they do start showing up, I'd like to ask what the juiciest rumor is that you've heard about each of your respective opponents.

Whoever will be the next leader and deputy will be the immediate heirs of the glorious Rocky/Fanfie legacy. What do you offer that is worthy of that legacy?

Where's Hoffa buried?

What's the shortest route I can take to Constantinople without running into tolls?

What is your stand on Alt IDs?

And does this shirt make me look fat?

Which one a y'all hos gonna calm my tits?

Honestly, Calm dearest, you have me in tears right now!!
I keep spilling my Rum Sling!!

Ho, your tits be rum-soaked.

Axe Jayquann. He needs the money.

'Cause he broke.

Goodness, no!
I'd be too worried that he'd steal my car!

Fo real real. That brotha a thief.

That is a fantastic question, Ibby. I actually don't wear underwear, at all, preferring to go commando. Because the raw leadership exemplified by our commandos is just the sort of quality that a leader of the LMB needs!

That is to say... I wear green.

I highly recommend Thora in some daisy dukes! She might not admit it, but if you play some White Snake, all kinds of cray-cray might go down!

Green!

I’ve heard Ex has legions of little children working in his sweat shops! While he forces them to work in his employ all day and night, he makes them listen to Nickleback!

There will be an immediate need for two stalwarts to act as judges for the mandatory striptease competition each LMBer will need to take part in, to better gauge who has the best seduction skills for the Espionage Squad. This function just so happens to come with an enormous salary and unlimited supply of previously undiscovered Peanuts comic strips kept secret for a thousand years!

On Masstomb IV, where Ex buried all the other people he’s had murdered over the centuries!

Stoopid Cat’s Tesseracts!

We are a pro-Alt ID ticket! We fully intend to promote and celebrate this critically important members of Legion World!

And that shirt makes you look smoldering. Several LMBers were yelling about not even needing to use their hands moments earlier.

Poverty Lad will be more than happy to provide this service! On Earth, he’s better known as the Motorboatin’ Mofo!

So... I'm parsing Ex's answer(s) out as a declaration that he's some kind of Coluan-Durlan hybrid.

Well, at least that brings some diversity to the race.

I promise, as the next leader of the LMB, the storied example the both of you have set, celebrating both penguins and poop jokes, will not only continue, but be raised to a whole new level.

That's right, Legion World... it is the dawning of the age of:

Penguin Poop jokes.

Bah! I'll fill Legion World with Pooping Penguin Prostitutes if you need it! I always keep at least five dozen on stand-by anyway.

This is 100 % true. While Cobalt Kid stood idly by as Hoffa and his minions threatened the very bedrock that LW is founded on, I was taking action.

And... I tripled the LW export of bedrock.

Ah... a wiley question, Future, one that clearly tripped up my opponent.

I, of course, realize, that Constantinople no longer exists, superseded by Istanbul.

Why did Constantinople get the works? Well, that's no one's business but the Turks.

Right beside them, my friend... right beside them.

Only with a "PH".

Unfortunately, not myself personally as, very shortly, I will be very involved in matters of state.

But might I recommend Cobalt Kid? He should be looking for meaningful employment in about a month, and he's a darned good scrubber.

I say: Don't listen to those who say they need calming at all!

They are already wonderful in their naturally excited state.

Now Jayquann's? Well, those might need some calming.

Y'all all cray-cray.

Someone seems a hesitant to contemplate the time travel route. Perhaps Phineas B. Fuddle left a bigger scar than we thought?

Do I understand that my opponent wishes to implement a toll system on time-travel routes?

For shame, sir. For shaaaaaaaame.

Excellent question... if only to demonstrate the type of negative campaigning that other, lesser, candidates might engage in.

I, personally, do not believe in the spreading of rumors, and I advise that no one should trust a candidate who does.

...

...

...

...

...

Like Cobie.

all-

as the appointed spokesman for The Candidate Who Hast Not Yet Announced (TCWHNYA), I am duly authorized to answer some questions on their behalf.

TCWHNYA does not wash cars (for reasons that will one day soon become completely obvious)

TCWHNYA does not approve of the wearing of any undergarments, unless they are all one wears. In the latter case, green is an acceptable choice.

We hear unconfirmed reports that Anita and Cobalt Kid are one and the same person! Sorry, that's all we hear as of yet.

Clearly those shoes are too big to fill. TCWHNYA proposes a national week of mourning for the end of said administration, to be followed by a month of drunken debauchery.

TCWHNYA points out that Candidate Cobalt Kid only puts that question out to deflect attention from his own role in the matter.

The Atlantic to the Mediterranean to the Aegean.

TCWHNYA will neither confirm nor deny that TCWHNYA is someone's alt.

Nothing makes you look fat.

That would be MLLash, whether he is running or not.

Kent, care to comment on the rumors that you are representing Legion Worlder 'gone'?

The Election Tyrant does not get his hands dirty.

The Election Tyrant goes commando and can convince you to vote for him anyway.

The Election Tyrant could make reveal this answer for a large donation to the Ex/Tyrant Campaign Fund.

I'm the Election Tyrant.

The Election Tyrant doesn't pay tolls.

The Election Tyrant regularly stands on Alts.

The Election Tyrant requests Invisible Brainiac to remove the shirt so as to give the question context.

ooooooooooh you MEAN!

Your point?

Candidates,

Now that it looks like the PB&J ticket is going to enter the race, are you ready to drop out and concede the race?

I promise Legion World that if I ever drop out, it will be at the last minute and only after I've made a complete and utter mockery of the election, dragging it out far past the point of being funny.

Concede? Ha!

I don't know the meaning of the word, "concede"!


<whispering to his campaign team> <span style="font-size: 10px;">No... seriously... what's it mean? You guys have to start doing better prep work if I'm going to be fielding questions. I'm dying out here.</span>

How any good can come of participating in this thread, I don't know. 'sigh'


Yes. Super speed! Unless I accidentally smashed your car with my bulging biceps.

then I would fly you around personally. We could reenact that scene from Superman.

Power Boy: "Don't worry, I've got you."
EDE: "But who's got you!"



hmm, I'm not sure New Gods based on Greek myths wear 'underpants'. Let's find out AFTER Jerry and I get your vote!

I can ... indeed ... Calm Those Tits! But Jerry has graciously offered .....

Mostly rumors of CORRUPTION Exnihil ! In fact, I plan on throwing the Election Tyrant into the darkest dungeon on Legion World for one year as my first act as leader!! It's not looking good for yourself or Cobalt Kid either.

This is a very good question, One I will leave to Jerry, In fact I offer Jerry as worthy of the Rocky/Fanfie legacy. He's awesome.

Why do you ask? Mob ties?

I think we should treat our Legion Worlders with multiple personality disorder compassionately. (Otherwise we wouldn't have any members!)

And ... yes. that shirt makes you look fat. Take it off immediately. There ... MUCH better.

<---- BOOM tube teleportation.

Okay, that just won my vote!

Although somewhat mitigated by the subsequent participation, this shows a certain wisdom.

I forgot to remind him to hold onto his nelly hat!

Candidates,

Recently, LW seems to have seen a sharp decline in posts by Ram Boy. In fact, it has been over a month since his last post. What will you do about this serious threat to the level of humor on LW?

Candidates:

Can I have onion rings on the side instead of fries for the same price?

Of course. But, we agree with Hillary that carrots are a better choice.

Onion Rings

Carrots

Amnesty and one month's free rent.

I am in favor of any initiative that involves my constituency getting some on the side.


<Ex's campaign team quickly scrambles to his side, frantically whispering>


What? No... settle down, fellas. The press would never take a quote out of context.

I'll vote for whomever can promise to lower or altogether eliminate LW's exorbitant monthly user fees.

Candidates: what will you do to ensure I never run out of prime Alberta steak, bleu cheese, and onion rings?

A deal with the Daleks is in the works ...

buy in bulk ?

Candidates,

What's your favorite question from the Question Du Jour thread?

Done and done. Under a Nihil administration, we would only bill quarterly (<span style="font-size: 8px;">offset by a newly introduced 2.47 daily interest rate</span>).

Introduce you to the joys of veganism. The onion rings are still vegan, you say? True... but the breath, Kent... the breath. Let's play it safe and let them fall to the wayside, as well.

"Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?"

Whoever posed that particular query shows not only an alarming literary acumen, but also a wistful sense of nostalgia for a simpler time.


You should definitely vote for such a fellow.

This one rang true for some reason ... as I was scrolling through the questions ...

The Nightcrawler / Cobalt Kid ticket has decided not to answer the last few questions.

We promise to never 'tell you what you want to hear'. Instead, we'll simply not tell you anything.

what is your stand on coup d'etats?

Big fan

Coup d'etats... those are those little crackers with pâté that they serve at fancy parties, right? I love those.

What is the square root of 281,598,193?

Higher than it's ever been... and only getting higher under the current administration.

If elected, I promise to put a cap not only on square roots, but across the board: cube roots... ginger roots... roots, rock, reggae... what have you. This situation has gone on long enough!

Anyone who posts a pic of themselves in a Speedo is sure to get many votes. Anyone?

What is the essence of being an elected leader?

Growing square roots brings jobs to Legion World! Surely--and by that I mean Shirley--you can't seriously consider a cap on roots?

What's next, a cap on The Roots? Questlove's Afro needs to be able to roam free. Otherwise, what's the point of living?

It smells a lot like Axe body spray.

Not a good idea in this reality.

It wouldn't be responsible for us to do your math homework for you. Here's a clue, though. You'll impress the teacher if you show your work.

Not a good idea in this reality.

We'll let Lucinda handle this one. I know it sounds sexual, but it's really all about love.

Essence

No speedo pics... but I've got nothing to hide, so I'll go you one better... a few seconds after the cut... Ex in nothing but a fig leaf!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBiKwgn-P2Q#t=01m09s


[Note: Breaking character a bit, I know... but what are the freaking chances that - after you enter a political race - you discover that a 70 year old naked pic of your avatar exists? I figured I'd better head the press off at the pass by breaking the scandal first!]

Two drams sulphur, three drops tincture of mandrake root, a pinch of ambergris to taste... stir well and serve over ice.

(Optionally, the essence may be garnished with two to three stuffed olives).