Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

Granted. It will never rain again. Congratulations, you've just destroyed all life on Earth.

I wish I could lose all the weight I want to lose in a month, tops.

Granted! But you'll gain it all back again after the month ends.

I wish I were 6'2 tall, with a proportionate increase in weight, muscle mass, bone density etc. and no drawbacks to my physical appearance or health.

Granted.

Get used to channeling your inner Emily Dickinson and/or J.D. Salinger, though.

All the rest of us are chunky, stoop-shouldered, short, flabby, nearsighted mortals with acne scars, big ugly feet and weird and/or nonexistent hair. Frankly, it's bad for our self-esteem to be seen in public with you.

I wish I had a friendly, affordable personal chef who'd come over and help me make abundant, fabulous (but healthy) food in time for tomorrow's Labor Day party.

Granted but she charges BIG money!

I wish I had the money to pay that chef.

Granted!

But the chef is a snob and refuses to work for you. Apparently s/he has exacting standards and will only work for people who own three dogs; plant their own herb gardens; have a complete set of kitchen appliances including two eggbeaters, five non-stick pans and a juicer; and do not eat anything processed.

I wish corruption in our country was fixed because all our officials were upright and honest.

Granted!

Everyone's so honest they catch all wrongdoers - and you can never talk your way out of a speeding ticket again.

I wish all the Legion comics of the past five years ahd extremely good art and storytelling.

Granted!

Legion is now so extremely good, that it's the must read book across the world. Pretty early on, you begin to get sick of 6 billion bandwagon jumpers incessantly droning on about their new found love.

DC now publish nothing but Legion spin offs, mainly with Timberwolf and his new metallic skeleton.

Then the holy wars start about with mega-arc was slightly better than the other.

I wish cat worshipping cults would become popular.

Granted, cats are now considered to be so holy that no one may keep them as a "pet" anymore.

I wish I had a dollar

Granted. You now have a Fijian dollar. Hope you get to use it soon!

I wish I had a new pair of brown leather shoes.

Granted! You now have the best pair of new brown leather shoes you have ever seen. Unfortunately, the owner of those shoes is far from happy that they have appeared with you, and has called the authorities.

Some say that 10 years hard labour was harsh, but in in the popular press such views are de-feeted.

I wish I could get my chores done.

Granted! All your chores will be done-- (wait for it!) exactly five minutes before you shuffle off this mortal coil for good. Congratulations! You're way ahead of most of us.

I wish I'd already paid all of this month's bills and could spend some of my money on some Legion Archives for myself.

Granted! All of your bills are....gone!

Mind you, so's your spleen that you used to get the cash. You spot a flaw in one of the Archive stories, race to Legion World, but can't vent your spleen about it!


I wish I had more energy in the afternoon.

Granted! You have almost none in the morning, though. Hope your boss doesn't mind you getting to work at 1pm.

I wish I didn't have to deal with the terrible, terrible traffic in the city.

Granted!

All of the vehicles you are usually stuck with have gone. That's because everyone else now teleports around.

No one bothers with road maintenance, so your trip now takes longer as you weave your way across poorly maintained roads.

I wish that greed no longer motivated anyone.

Granted! Everyone is now motivated by anger, lust or revenge. Crimes have been getting more and more violent lately. Hope you haven't made any enemies or gotten any secret admirers...

I wish I didn't have any client meetings today or tomorrow. (Next week is fine though).

Your clients all die ... and then come back as zombies the next week.

I wish my karate skills had a real world purpose!

Granted - you are now a stuntman who must use karate. Now your first aid skills have a real world purpose too!

I wish the weather were bright and sunny today.

Granted!

The sun going nova sure has made it bright and warm. Enjoy it while you can.


I wish I could breathe underwater.

Granted. You are now a minnow.

I wish I had a costume just like what my avatar wears.

Granted!

Unfortunately it's an alien symbiote that goes on a rampage killing hundreds and spawning it's own spin off ID and avatar. That will teach you to pick up costumes during Secret Legion World Wars.

I wish customers were nicer people to deal with.

Granted. Customers are just so polite now, they don't know how to say No. You spend all your time convincing them to buy when they're not interested at all.

I wish I could create duplicates of myself and be in multiple places at once.

Granted!

You now have 300 billion duplicates. They take up all the available resources of the planet as they all want fed. There's a brief Earth v Ibby War but the ecosystem collapses leaving Earth to the bugs.


I wish the US had kept going with an expansive space programme.

Granted! American citizens are taxed heavily to cover for the costs. I hope you don't mind giving up 75% of your paycheck to the IRS.

I wish vegetables tasted better but were still very healthy.

Yummy, yummy vegetables. So tasty, yet so healthy. Tastier than fast food, tastier than carnivore and omnivore diets. Over the next few years we see the Burger Wars, the Gene-Veg wars and many invasions of countries with soil suited to making veg taste even tastier. Farms with cattle, sheep, pigs, chickens and aardvarks go completely to the wall, but they don't go quietly. I mean they litigate and sabotage not just the mooing and baaing and oinking obviously.

I wish the clocks had gone back an extra hour this weekend.

Granted! Uh... to an immortal genie, an hour is about two millennia. Which means that all clocks have been removed from the space-time continuum and replaced with sundials!

I wish I had the time and energy to make the fallen leaves into a great big pile on the lawn and jump around in them, just like I did when I was a kid.