A year had gone on since the Crisis that had threatened to destroy the LMB and all it stood for. A year the attack of the assmebled villains, the Red Bee, the Riddler and Gay-lipso. A year since the war in space and the Criss that had threatend reality itself.
Much had changed. The LMB had gone from one of it's most devestating times and grown, become stronger. Friends had fallen but others had taken their place. Heroes had been reborn, gained new powers, lost those new powers again, changed their costumes (or in the case of some of the more fashion conscious LMBers changed the costumes numerous times), gotten new code names, lost their powers, got some fancy gadgets to make up for the loss of powers, been assumed dead, got new powers and then returned to exaclt the same costumes, powers and codenames they had at the start of the year as if some shoddy writer was trying to make exciting new changes but then realised that no-ine cared and so went back to the original format since that's what everyone liked in the first place. Life had gone on as normal.
Or, at least, life had gone on as normal for the LMBP members. The ones with the powers and the statues and the collectable figuirnes with real anatomical detail. The ones that saved the day and then flew off to the Hootchie Hut or the Red Light Lounge at got plastered and impregnanted random females without knowing or, even, having any kind of sexual contact with them (OK so that was only Cobalt Kid that did the impregnating but all the others got plastered).
life on the streets wasn't so simple though. Legion World had grown into a thriving world of it's own, peopled by the workers and the people who made it possible to live there. the people that swept the streets and mended the roads and made the ice-creams. Life had been harder for them after the Crisis. Some of the LMB had tried to lend a hand. Sure they'd used their powers to rebuild the state buildings and the tourist spots but they'd got bored or been too busy or hadn't noticed the smaller houses that needed repair, the businesses that struggled in the aftermath. Life on the streets wasn't so easy for the Legion Worlders who weren't super heroes.
On top of that in a little back alley behind a row of small food shops and dry cleaners something was happening. Something that was starting small but inevitably would grow until it couldn't be stopped. The winf rustled fallen leaves and in the shadow cast by a slightly lopsided wall something stirred. Something woke...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...and that something was unhappy.
Memories flashed in the person's head--memories of a past life...
They came quick. Moving to the infamous Legion World, home of heroes, to start a fresh life. Getting a job as a book-keeper in the local Legion World Library, the most premier library since the fall of Earth to corporate facism years earlier.
Laughter, as boys and girls called him ugly and pimply. Why couldn't he be more like the LMB? With their hot bodies and cute costumes?
Pain, as the Red Bee burned his skin while villains roamed the streets burning his neighborhood to the ground.
Relief, as Space Ranger pulled him away, to be saved to be rescued.
And finally...devastation, as he realized he would die without help, his own hero now dead and the villains' laughter ringing in his ears.
And now, only anger. Anger at the failure of them to save him. Life had gone on and the city was restored. But he was not. He was more hideous than ever...
Anger.
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
The wind blew the leaves down the sleazy back streets. Russet colours swirled in patterns making a splash of colour against an otherwise drab and grey street.
Anger…
“why me, WHY ME” he raged, as he adjusted his ever so conservative clothes and plain un noticeable hair to a semblance of normality.
Laughter!
He heard the happy sounds of a young couple and instantly hated it. Almost without thinking he moved towards the sounds at the end of the alleyway.
“Shut up” he whispered, “shut up, why are you happy, I’m not”
As he reached the end of the alley he looked out and saw a happy loving couple walking arm in arm down the street. Dressed in the latest fashions, the bright colours an fashion statement and a homage to the heroes of the LMB the two young men were handsome, young and vibrant.
He hated them.
“stop it! Stop being so colourful and popular” he shouted and as he waved his hands a change came over the couple. They stopped laughing, they seemed to almost shrink into themselves , there clothes lost their colours and sheen and became dull and gray and cheap.
With dull lifeless eyes they moved on, as quiet as if they were in a library.
As they walked past him they bowed and spoke in unison, “Master, we away your commands”
His anger was burning him, driving him. But now, now he had a chance to get revenge, now he could….
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Now he could finally get the recognition he had always craved! Now everyone would remember him! Everyone would remember the name of... BLUGSHPUT PORKINBAGGLE!
He thought for a moment. No... that would never do. If he wanted to be known, he wanted to be respected, he needed a new name. One that would strike fear in the hearts of those who heard it. One that would cause fits of terror rather than fits of laughter. One that would embody the anger that he felt at the world that had raced passed him like a commuter cut off in rush hour traffic.
But what? He thought about his powers. Strange how his ability to to invest in others the same dull, lifeless existence he had always experienced, and thus to take control of their newly pointless lives, seemed concentrated in one single digit in each of his hands. Yes, in that digit was power... the power he would be known by. The power that would gain him the respect he had sought for so long. And so he would take his name from that very instrument of power, from that mighty digit with which his future would be carved out.
He would become... MIDDLEFINGER!
[ February 16, 2006, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
MIDDLEFINGER raised his finger in victory at the thought of this small triumph. He squealed in anticipation thinking of his inevitable victory over the LMB.
His squeals were like that of a pig. Both the squeals and his name PORKINBAGGLE belied his incredible origin as a chimeric fusion of Swine, Beagle and Alien DNA.
He wondered, How Legion World could be brought to it's knees. His options were limited in that he recalled a protection spell on the the popular and colourful SHAKES. After a moment he decided that the attack would begin at the Penthouse Apartment of Princess Crujectra in the heart of Levitz Plaza itself.
In the park he saw two pretty song birds singing happily in the sun of early morning. With a mighty flick of his wrist he extended his middle finger at the birds to devasting effect.
He headed towards Levitz Plaza.
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
As he did so, He passed two Legion World technicians busy fixing a data output port for the LW public broadcast net.
Myron and Taryn were old pro’s at this and could fix these things in their sleep and as a result they tended to talk and day dream as they went about their business.
“Boy! What about that battle with the Entropy Spinach last week, pass me that phase inhibitor will ya, I tell you those LMB guys have their work cut out defending Legion World week in week out, putting their life on the line for us like that” said Taryn
Passing the inhibitor Myron responded with a gruff, “yeah but they never clean up after themselves, I mean it took us days to clean out bits of Spinach from the power couplings in The Crujectra building, and I don’t even want to talk about the goo left over from that tick invasion”
A noise from Levitz plaza attracted the repair technician’s attention for a moment.
“Hey what’s up” said Myron, craning his neck to see.
“Who cares” retorted Taryn as she continued working on the data port without looking up. “if its dangerous then the glory squad will deal with it, leaving us to pick up after them as always”
Out across the plaza Blugshput Porkinbaggle had drawn attention to himself. He had walked past a street café and seen a group of happy young women, dressed in their finest, brightest, clothes laughing and celebrating the fact that one of them had just passed her degree course. “Stop laughing” whispered Blug “stop laughing at me” and he raised his middlefinger. Almost at once the laughing stopped and the group of girls now dressed very plainly in grey cardigans and matching polyester slacks, with sensible shoes rose from the table and quietly and meekly stood behind him and awaiting his instructions.
“Hey you! I saw that, how did you do that” Shouted……..
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...shouted Matlock, who was apt to yelling at people in the streets as all good ol' fashioned cops did!
"Go, get out of here! We don't need anymore disturbances!" added Matlock, hoping that would send this poorly dressed fella on his way.
BLUGSHPUT couldn't help think for a second...Matlock had a 50+ career as a super-hero, and was his childhood idol! But NO!!! He was Middlefinger now, and he destroyed popular limelight thiefs like Matlock!
"Slaves!" he yelled, "eat the flesh off of Matlock's bones!"
"What the canninabalistic slaves of Middlefiner?" said Matlock, ducking into a side alley.
Meanwhile, at the LMB Galaxy's Fair, a young knightress of the Cobalt Kid's Triumvirate Army was working up the courage to ask Reboot for a dance, when...
Posted by Reboot on :
...the sky began to fall...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...or so it seemed, as a huge spaceship came crashing through the roof!
"Sweet Caliente's Fire!" cried on young man in attendence. "Isn't that the spaceship that attacked Legion World awhile back in the adventure chronicled as 'The Day Legion World Stood Still'?"
"Holy Harbi, I believe it is!" someone replied.
"LAM's sake, folks, don't sit around trying to figure out what it is that's about to fall and crush us... RUN!" called another.
At that very moment, far away from the LMB Galaxy's Fair, Kid Prime was...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
…preparing for his visit to the seven wonders legion world theme park, part of the LMB Galaxy fair. He was really excited as he was to be the guest star at the opening of the new retro roller coaster ride. This was the first new honest to goodness run on rails not anti grav, roller be built for over 600 years. Kid Prime felt honoured to be one of the first to ride this new experience and had dressed accordingly in his very best and brightest. As he looked in the mirror there was a knock on the door and in walked one of the thousands of Legion World ancillary staff carrying a small parcel, it was a gift from Bevis. Opening it KP smiled as he read the card “to Kippers so you look fabuloso at the opening today” and took out the exquisite diamond and sapphire broche in traditional Transformer design. Attaching the broche Kid Prime turned and said to no one in particular, “it’s show time”
Back at the Galaxy fair
The space ship had turned out to be a very poor attempt at parking by Lard Lad, who once the ship was down had kicked the door open and jumped out, a drink in one hand and a half clothed girl in the other. “ALL RIGHT” he shouted, his big face swathed in his trade mark manic grin, “Lets get this party STARTED” Taking a big swig of Hooch Lardy turned his partner onto the dance floor and started to boogie. Ignoring as he did so the team of clean up operatives who arrived to take the space ship away and repair the damaged building.
This gave the knightress the courage to go over to Reboot and (to the surprise of many) actually get him to dance with her. They made a very romantic couple as Reboot showed himself no mean dancer, literally sweeping the knightress off her feet. Of course what no one noticed was the fact that every time Reboot made a mistake in the dance moves he simply Rebooted and did it over.
“Harbinger my fair and most beauteous lady” said Graybird “Would thou give me the pleasure of your company for this dance”
Slightly surprised by the request Harbi gave Gray her hand and then gasped as he flew her up into the air and proceeded to dance with her amongst the glowing stars of the night
Meanwhile, not far away, in the mean streets of Legion Worlds “staff entertainment zone” Matlock was tiring as he ran through the back alleyways as the shambolic hordes of Middlefinger lurched after him.
“Damnation” he thought as he ran, “just three more weeks and I could have asked Cobie for retirement, now I’m a gonna get erased by a bunch of no marks”
Turning into another alley Matlock ran through the obligatory pile of stacked cardboard boxes scattering them in an exciting and action packed way. But his old legs were getting slower and the Shambolic hordes were gaining on him.
He needed a miracle and turning a corner he found……
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
He needed a miracle and turning the corner he found...Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal Lad II, making out with...Eryk Davis Ester?!
Meanwhile, back at the Fair, Cobalt Kid noticed all the dancing and mingling going on, but he could not partake. "I'm surprised you haven't grabbed yourself a young lady, Cobie," said Faraway Lad, "it is what you're known for after all."
"Sorry Far, but there's only one lady on my mind these days..." replied Cobie. "I'm more concerned with Lardy. Crashing Middlefinger V's ship into Legion World, when we've been searching for it for over a year? That seems odd, especially since inside of it is the secret Fruit of Immortality, which bestows god-hood on anyone who eats it (and tastes amazing with in a dacquery). The only problem is that 4 out of 5 people who eat it choke and die because the deities who created it are so cruel. Could there be something far more sinister afoot?"
Outdoor Miner teleported away at that, preferring to be nowhere near foreshadowing. When he reappeared, it was at Cafe Cramer, where he suddenly saw--...
Posted by Bevis on :
Dolly-puto and Kylie Minogue sharing a gossip over a couple of Manhattans (don't ask how a holographic personification of a computer can drink. The answer is just too complicated and besides might be an important plot point somewhere down the line). When they saw Miner tehy waved him over and pulled up a chair for him to perch on. Miner sat down, intrigued to find out who/what/why Kylie was this time and why she was there with Dolly-puto.
"I expect you're wondering who/what/why I am this time", said Kylie as if reading Miner's thoughts, "And now you're thinking it's as if I can read your thoughts."
"Ye....es", said Miner, slightly wary of the pint-sized lovely-arsed popstrell sat in front of him, "We've had some experiences with kylies in the past, so you'll understand why I'm a little wary of you this time."
"Perfectly", said Kylie, smiling sweetly and flashing her ever so slightly too large teeth, "Dolly-puto has been filling me in on that. You see, this time I am the real Kylie from a thousand years ago. I have travelled into the future where it is safe to reveal to you that I have always had super-powers. You see, I have an important message for you from...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
<cue dramatic music>
Julian Clary
<end dramatic music>
You may not know but Julian had a secret identity as the most feared of all the Secret Cabal of Amazing Media Personalities or SCAMP’s, the dark night avenger himself, the scourge of the underworld and bringer of destruction to the evil ones, the Nightfister himself.
Miner shuddered, even he had heard of this vigilante from one thousand years ago, a character even more feared in his native UK than the fabled Batman himself.
Kylie leaned close to Miner to whisper in his ear the secret she had travelled 1,000 years in to the future to pass on.
“You must……….”
But before she could finish, Dolly-puto had extended a large wicked looking blade from her ample chest and impaled poor Kylie to the back wall of Café Cramers.
“Fool did you not notice that I, a supposed hologram, was actually drinking”
(See we told you it might be an important plot line)
Standing up Miner was horrified to see “Dolly-puto” reach up and rip off her latex mask covering her face to reveal……..
Posted by Bevis on :
Michael Lorenzo Lash, the evil alternate universe counterpart of the LMBPs very own Lash Lad!...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...you see, Lorenzo had been masquerading as Lash Lad for several months, thus explaining the Lash Lad one year later solicit:
quote:LASH LAD #246
It's one year later, and there's someone new behind the sunglasses and whip. Or is there? Guest-starring Eryk Davis Ester, Blok the pet rock, and the re-animated corpse of Large Handsome!
Meanwhile, back in the alley, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II is startled by matlock's sudden appearance, and begins choking. While performing the Heimlich manuever, EDE exclaims: "Jeepers! I wish people would stop interrupting us while we're practicing Inter-Stellar Counter Intelligence Corps techniques!"
At that, EDE's pet Luck Lord appears, and improbably, a section of the roof of a nearby building falls to the ground, blocking the entrance to the alleyway and preventing the cannibalistic servants of Middlefinger from approaching.
EDE continues: "We almost had that oral transferrance of data chips technique down pat!"
matlock says: "EDE, am I glad to see you! I've got bad news. There's a new Middlefinger in town, and he's got some kind of power to turn people into incredibly boring cannibalistic zombies!"
EDE replies: "Hmm... a new Middlefinger, huh? Well, if he follows the typical modus operandi of these guys, he'll begin his crime spree by killing the previous holder of the Middlefinger title. Which means we need to find the last Middlefinger and protect him!"
matlock replies with surprise: "Well, I'll be! All these years I've been a super-hero, and I never thought I'd end my career protecting super-villains!"
Back at the Galaxy Fair, KP arrived to see...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Caliente and Actor Lad going for a stroll through the festivities. They looked to be enjoying themselves, laughing light-heartedly, when suddenly, a few goons that had only days before been spotted at Tamper Lad's Evil Genius Club pulled out vintage '38 Revolvers and demand they give them their money.
'S-sure,' said Actor Lad, apparently very scared. 'Why, it's right here...' he said, pointing at his feet.
"Haw! That was easy!" said the thug, looking.
"Jokes on you my friend!" said Actor suddenly, "I was using my power--SUPER ACTING!", adding a hard right hook to the thugs chin and then kicking the other thung in the knee-cap. "They always fall for my super-acting," he said, with a close-up on his pearly white teeth.
"Oh Actor!" Caliente swooned.
In the shadows, KP noticed Tamper Lad walking off annoyed, and followed the Evil Genius, to see where he was going. Making his way to Middlefinger V's space-ship, which no one had bothered to clean up yet, Tamper apparently was looking for something, when a small little Gnome eating a golden apple appeared.
"I wouldn't go in there," he said to Tamper, as Kid Prime now made his presence known, "your pal LardLad didn't realize that imprisoned within the ship's hull is none other than..."
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
the Emerald Ass of Ekron...
It now has control of him and has sent him to rob the LMBP armoury.
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
"I will not be made an ass of by a mystical donkey." said Tamper Lad as he picked up the Gnome, apple and all, dipped both into a nearby vat of warm caramel. Blasting the candied mini-man with a blast of cold air he posed it and sent the gnome away to the paint shoppe to be made into a colorful lawn ornament.
Tamper continued to look scour the space ship for the technological artifact he was looking for. Reaching into under the hood of the ship he found the component he was looking for.
"Who needs Caliente? When I have found this."
Kid Prime sounded the alarm by becoming a semi-truck and blowing a giant raspberry from his air horn.
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
The sound of Kid Prime's alarm caused Abin Quank to drop to the floor and begin rolling around laughing. This proved quite fortunate, because, by complete coincidence, Abin Quank had just been set on fire! He had been struck by a lit fart from the Emerald Ass of Ekron, which now had complete control over Lardlad!
The assembled LMBers and other guests turned to face Lardlad, who, after robbing the LMB armory, was now carrying...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
The One Ring of Power!
The fabled ring, which allowed him to dominate the wills of others and spread shadow throughout the world had been locked away long ago in the LMB armory. Why, then, would Lardy risk the fate of all that there was by using the fabled One Ring?
It mattered little, as Cobalt Kid flew back down into the fray, attempting to constrain Lardy with his magnetism! "Wait, all of you! Don't you remember that the Emerald Ass of Ekron was destroyed in 'Crisis on Earth-4?!' It can't be the Emerald Ass, so it has to be a trick, ploy or illusion! Therefore, a handful of suspects lend themselves to such an M.O.! For instance, this smells like the work of..."
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"this smells like the work of..."
But before Cobalt Kid could complete his sentence, a small voice from inside the spaceship interrupted.
"So, ye figured it out, did ye?"
Cobalt Kid was puzzled. He'd thought for certain it was Salad-Tosser Lord, but that sure didn't sound like his voice. "Oh, well," he thought. "Might as well play along..."
"Why, yes! I knew it was you all the time! Come out and show yourself you dastardly villain!"
Out of the ship stepped another Gnome!
The gnome says, "All ye shall bow before the Gnome-King of Legion World!"
Meanwhile, back on the streets...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, back on the streets, pure, horrible chaos had broken out! Rioting began to become widespread as people just screamed and screamed in terror!
The Gnome King's evil illusion/mind control powers were so potent they were causing the ordinary denizens of Legion World to erupt in a wave of horror!
"So, this Gnome King thinks he can steal my show?" said Middlefinger VI, "I'll show him! My gang of cannibalistic zombies will take on his gang of horror stricken innocents and we'll see who wins!"
Meanwhile, Arachne watched on at Monitor Duty with Rockhopper Lad. "This terrible!" she gasped.
"A gang war?" replied Rockhopper, "we can handle it!" he added enthusiastically
"No, you don't understand. Middlefinger and the Gnome King are both Omega Level threats, far more powerful than you realize! And the gorilla tribe of Legion World, which just so happens to live in the old statue of Middlefinger II (aka Large Handsome) in the jungles of Legion World has sworn that should two omega level threats ever engage in fierce combat again on Legion World, they would break their peace-pact and immediately do whatever it takes to stop the violence! Even if it means becoming violent themselves!"
"Forget World War XIV!" said Rockhopper, "This has the potential to become a Super World War I of Space!"
Meanwhile, in a pile of almost completely eaten apple cores and orange peels, which has once been the impressive Fruit of the Immortality...
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
...Stood a gnome still half encrusted with caramel.
"Bwahahaha. Silly evil genius. Sneaking into the garden of the immortals as a lawn ornament was part of my plan."
Having eaten immortal's fruit the Gnome glowed with the colour of golden caramel and grew to the height of 8 feet.
"Now on to the statue of Middlefinger II to claim my rightful place as the Candy the Caramel King of the Kongs. The violence must be ended at all cost."
Meanwhile back at the site of the crashed spaceship...
Posted by legionadventureman on :
LAM appeared and wondered if there had been any survivors...With a flick of his amulet, he could detect life-signs emanating from the huge crater and several giant figures...Their faces were deadly pale, their hair and lips were very bright red....Accessing his Omnicon, LAM was able to determine that these were denizens of the fabled R'nld Mek-Don'ld colony...but were far from friendly. Their grins showed razor-sharp teeth and in their hands were thin pieces of cable, which they threw like bolas in the L-Worlder's direction...
Using his Ornitho-ability to fly, LAM was able to evade the glowing grapplers. One of the R'nlds reached out to grab him and LAM utilised his Psyche-self to make the giant clown cry...Then the clown grew angry and kicked his chuckling comrade in the butt...
On and on the assault progressed until the row of marauders were tangled up in their emotive phalanx...
Suddenly, from the emblem on his belt, LAM detected that one of his fellow comrades was in deep trouble...It was...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
It was...Mattropolis aka Danny Blaine, whom LAM had never actually met! However, Mattropolis, who had the power to increase the mass of objects to enormous amounts via the power of the stars, was now hurtling through the galaxy at the speed of sound, each inch increasing his weight more and more. Although invulerable to the effects of his own power, he was not in control and had in effect become a gigantic fiery comet with the aggregate mass of One Billion Stars! If he were to hit Legion World, he would not only destroy it--but all of the galaxy!
With Legion World facing a variety of problems and LAM unsure if his powers would be up to the task, he looked at his utility belt to see what other LMBers could help stop Mattropolis, while still saving the beloved LMBer, and found that three were readily available, in a cruiser in nearby space. They were none other than...
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
Stoopid Cat, Faraway Lad and Abin Quank who had zipped up to meet the House of Q cruiser returning from the UP cat pagent after his earlier laughing fit.
Abin using the annoyance force created a massive belch in the fabric of space time causing Mattropolis to lose mass rapidly.
Unfortunately due to the law conservation of energy Mattropolis sped up. Approaching the speed of light he was sent to a forest moon in a galaxy far, far, away where he met a tribe of 3 foot panda bears (which must not be named due to the number of lawyers that guy has) who once saved the galaxy from an evil empire.
To save Mattropolis from a cruel destiny of being merchandised as an action figure sure to be abused by 6 year olds, Faraway used the faraway force to traverse the distance and recover their comrade.
Safely on the cruiser, Mattropolis regained concioussness but was unable to deliver the news he had rushed back to Legion World with.
Meanwhile planetside, the army of Clowns had gotten into their Austin Midget driving towards the Statue of Middle Finger II. The new MiddleFinger's cadre of cannabalistic zombies marched to meet them and the Caramel King of the Gorillasand the primate tribe waited to inflict preemptive violence on both of them.
At the Office of Security the LMB answered the general alarm in confusion not knowing what to do until someone said...
[ March 02, 2006, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: Tamper Lad ]
Posted by Caliente on :
"Like, ohmigod, we should just, like, kill them all or something. Hold on let me, like, get my guns."
Luckily, Jailbait Lass had locked Everyday Girl's weapons away and hidden the key. Instead, they decided to page Cobalt Kid back to the office and go get pedicures.
Unfortunately, Cobie couldn't answer, as he was...
Posted by legionadventureman on :
Trying to find where he had stashed the key into Spellbinder's private quarters. He heard a resounding explosion out in the Plaza. Spellbinder interrupted her beauty regimen in response to the rumbles beneath her penthouse. She appeared before Cobalt Kid - a vision in a diaphanous gauze negligee. Knowing full well what was on Cobie's fevered mind, she proposed a raincheck and so she, Cobie, and Everyday Girl joined forces to investigate the ruckus in the Plaza.
The R'nld-Mek-D'nlds had breached the perimeter. Jailbait Lass kept a cool head as she tried to locate a secret hiding place where the Princess, Cobie and Ev-Girl could enter and exit without the giants being the wiser.
"The only way past those scary creeps is to access a tesseract" proclaimed J-Lass. "A pity Faraway Lad is not within signal range to assist us." said Cobie, with a groan. "Where's Invisible Brainiac when you need him?" said Spellbinder, with a worried frown...
And as if her prayer had been answered, someone tapped the Princess on her shoulder and she turned around...
Posted by Bevis on :
to find Lucien Lad, looking slightly peeved but ever so fabulous as usual.
"I was asleep you know" he said, "All this noise is very annoying. I had a hard night last night redecorating the Palace. And since the Palace is infinite in size and dimensions it took quite a while. I think I might have lost a few Brads along the way somewhere. Possibly in the guest bedroom annex with the multi-dimensional en-suites. Beagz is in there somewhere as well. He was following out his prescribed Offical Stalker duties but I think he might have made a wrong turning somewhere along the way. I was going to try and find him this mornign after having a few hours kip and then all this ruccus starts up. o, what's this about needing a tesseract?"
Cobie looked thoughtful for a minute and then said "Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That we should take over the world?", asked Lucien Lad eagerly.
"No.... not today", said Cobie, 2But you say the Palace is infinite in size. Does that mean it has entrances theoretically eveywhere?".
"Entrances, no", said Lucien Lad, "Exits, yes. Why do you ask?"
"Well", said Cobie...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"Well," said Cobie, "we could--" BAM!!!
The dead body of Cobalt Kid fell forward in a bloody mess. Everyday Girl stood behind him, with steam rising off her pistols.
"What in the name of--?"
"No, Bevis," said Spellbinder, "wait for it.."
"Yes," said Jailbait Lass, "because we ladies know him far too well. This is not Cobalt Kid. The real Cobalt Kid is by the cruiser of Middlefinger V, with LardLad and the others. Cobalt Kid can't be here, because he's there, and the continuity laws of LMB tag threads are stronger than ever after the Infinite Crisis. Gone are the days of when things made almost no sense. Now there must be some sort of linear story-telling. Luckily the universe had created such a creature many years ago."
"Oh," said Lucien Lad with a groan. "Don't tell me...it's--yup," he addd seeing.
It was Madrox the Multiple Durlan, attempting the infiltrate the LMB once again!
"I love killing the Multiple Durlan!" said Everyday Girl, as she now probably had killed him more than anyone else.
"But, what idea did he have?" said Jailbait Lass
"I'll tell you," said Arachne, stepping forward from the Security Office. "The infinite size of the palace could help..."
Posted by The Royal Inquisitor on :
Meanwhile,
The Royal Inquisitor watched from his prison cell on Takron-Galtos with Quislet, Esq. during one of their visitations. Using Quis's omin-com they were monitoring the events.
"Alas, Quis," said the Inquis, "it appears there are troubled times on Legion World."
"You're right," said Quis. "Let's go over it for a minute. We have:
- Middlefinger VI, attempting to rampage on Legion World, although he has some far more dastardly plot in my mind. He has an intense hate for the LMB and the beautiful people of Legion World, and has an army of cannibalistic zombies. Deciding how to stop him is Matlock, Eryk Davis Ester, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II,
- The cruiser of Middlefinger V has crashed onto Legion World at the Legion World Fair, and inside is the dastardly Gnome King, who has eaten the Fruit of Immortality, which was within the ship. Thus, becoming endowed with new super-powers (which we don't know the extent of yet), he plans on journeying to the jungles of Legion World to become Candy, the Caramel King of Kongs. An army of clowns follows him. Face to face with them are Tamper Lad, Kid Prime and Cobalt Kid.
- Also at the fair dancing is Grey Birdboy, Harbinger, Actor Lad and Caliente
- You see, in the Jungles of Legion World, there is a giant statue of Middlefinger II, aka Large Handsome, a deceased villain and former boyfriend of Lash. The statue accidently fell there when the LMB moved to Legion World, and in the meantime, the Super-Talking Gorilla Tribe of Legion World lives there. Cobalt Kid is an honorary member. If the Gnome King comes any closer, and his war in the streets with Middlefinger VI goes any farther, the gorilla tribe will break their oath of peace for the first time in Legion World history and use violence to stop all combatants.
- Also with the group facing the clowns is LardLad, the beloved LMB founder. However, Lardy has for some reason or another decided to go into the Repository of Lost Artifacts and pull out the One Ring of Power. The LMB is slightly worried about such rash action.
- Also happening is that Dollyputo and Kyle Minogue are enjoying a drink at Cafe Cramer, when Outdoor Miner and Fat Cramer learn that Dollyputo is actually Micheal Lorenzo Lash, an alterate Earth evil Lash from Earth-5, where all the LMB is evil! Further, he had been masquarading as Lash for months! While we await what is going to happen next, one must wonder where the real Lash is!
- Helping Mattropolis recover is Legion Adventure Man, Faraway Lad, Abin Quank and Stoopid Cat, although the reasons for his descent to Legion World remain mysterious.
- And in Legion World plaza, Spellbiner, Lucien Lad, Arachne, Everyday Girl and LMB Intern Jailbait Lass may have found a way to stop the R'nd Mc'Dnlds, which were a creation of Middlefinger VI, by using the terrasacts, which may help stop all the various evil armies.
- Oh, and some Knightress in Cobie's army has a crush on Reboot."
Silence for a second.
The Royal Inquis spoke up. "Oh, is that all? Back to the action!"
Posted by Bevis on :
BAM!
The gathered LMBPers looked at the corpse of Arachne.
"Um..." said Lucien. "Gosh", said Spellbinder. "What?" said Everyday Girl, "She was a Madrox too! Erm... wasn't she?" "I do hope so", said Lucien Lad, "But then again it could just be one of those adventures that we have where LMBPers keep randomly dying but then not actually being dead because of some convoluted plot twist and everything turns out to be alright unless it turns out that someone did make the ultimate sacrifice to save the day but then turns out not to be dead but in fact in suspended animation or a ghost or something or a clone and so it's all OK and it only looked like they were dead when in fact they weren't and the supposedly dead LMBPer turns up at the exactly right moment and manages to save the day from the person doing the killing, unless said person doing the killing is an LMBPer who has gone evil or made a mistake or got a little over-excited or just generally wasn't paying attention, because gods know that happens enough around here, in which the supposedly dead but not really, or possibly miraculously ressurected, LMBPer will turn up just in time to save the day from the *real* villain du jour who has been hidden until that precise moment and so everything turns out alright in the end and we get to go for ice-cream and booze, yay!"
The three not-dead ladies looked at Lucien Lad for a couple of seconds.
"So, like, when did you get super-run-on-sentence powers?" asked Everyday Girl eventually.
"Eh", said Lucien Lad shrugging his shoulders and causing the sequins on his jacket to sparkle glamorously, "It's just a natural ability I have. I've never really found any way for it to come in really handy apart from to confuse people in the middle of an arguement."
"Well you never know, it could be very useful one day", said Jailbait Lass, looking on the bright side of things as usual.
"Guys", said Spellbinder, "Aren't we forgetting about something?"
"Oh yeah", said Lucien Lad, looking at the smoking corpse of possibly-Arachne...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, Cobalt Kid, the Ring endowed Lardy and Kid Prime fought back the clowns, knowing full well a riot on the streets of Legion World was not a good thing! Harbinger and Greybird stopped dancing for a moment and joined them, while Caliente and Actor Lad spotted Tamper Lad not getting involved and looked to investigate.
Chirp, the Calamity Cricket, who never actually did anything other than present narrative dialogue in the middle of stories (kinda like the Watcher, except he'd rather let Galactus consume the universe then get involved) couldn't help but say *chirp* 'Caliente, Actor and Tamper all together? That makes for good *chirp* drama!'
As Caliente and Actor watched they could see Tamper Lad deep in thought. You see, Tamper was attempting to figure out the Gnome King's motivation, as he had never really appeared in LMB history before! Using a secret hand signal code with Cobalt Kid (which included the middle finger--ironically, and grabbing their crotches, since the two weren't exactly good buddies), he told Cobalt to contact Spellbinder via their mental link, which always was on, and ask her to read the Gnome King's mind. Spellbinder was too far away for reading such a powerful foe, especially since the foe had all sorts of new powers due to the Fruit of Immortality, so therefore contacted Saturn Girl, Legion World Founder, and asked for her help so the two could do it together. Although under quite a strain, they learned:
The Origin of the Gnome King!!!
Far away, in a corner of the universe known as Middle-Universe, a planet existed with various races of Gnomes. They were much like anyone else, except they were all low-level magic users and also had the amazing ability to create gold out of virtually anything using their super-secret sewing skills that allowed them to literally sew metal!
Then, one day, Faraway Lad journeyed there while acting as Primus Pilus, aka second in command, of Cobalt Kid's 1/3 of the Legion World Triumvirate armies, and stationed himself with all the Gnomes. For ten days, Faraway Lad drank massive amounts of alcohol, smoked many pipes, laughed, ate and generally was merry.
The effect was astonishing! The Gnomes were so delighted that they completely changed their culture to mirror Faraway Lad's way of thinking! They focused on drinking, laughing, eating and being merry, and withing one year, there was no war, poverty, sickness, strife or evil on their planet. In fact, they all worked at their own pace and lived in relative prosperity, never having to worry about anything. It was a virtual utopia!
All except one Gnome that is! The Gnome King himself was not pleased! You see, he wanted there to be advances in business and economics, and in figuring out new ways to advance technologically, monetarily and through complex forms of government.
The other Gnomes disagreed, rather writing poetry, music and plays, or telling stories and reading & drawing art.
NO! said the Gnome King, who believed in fierce competition and building up the defenses of the planet. It is not okay to just be happy he believed, since we must constantly be working and using up our resources.
Thus, the Gnome King attempted to destroy all the the other Gnomes through massive dictatorial enslavement! He was already the strongest mage there was, and almost succeeded, except the variuos Gnomes banded together and casted a sleeping spell on him. While he slept for one whole year, the Gnomes were able to somehow hide their planet from him, and thus the entire Gnome culture, so that Gnomes were now hidden from view throughout the whole galaxy? Where was the Gnome planet? What ever happened to the Gnomes?
Well, that's what the Gnome King wanted to know! He awoke a year later and searched for them to no avail. He had learned of the Fruit of Immortality in Middlefinger V's ship b/c a couple of drunk LMBers blabbed about it, and thus realized he could gain immortality--so he could search for them forever, and super-powers--so he could beat them all this time if he ever fought them again! Now, he succeeded! All he had to do was find them.
Except now the Fruit had unhinged him slightly more and he wanted Legion World to suffer first! He had more mysterious reasons for journeying to the statue of Large Handsome, but---
***
Suddenly, the mind-reading was cut-off. Back at LMBP Plaza, something was occurring with Spellbiner that interupted it (indeed, this was the exact time Everyday Girl shot Arachne in the above post).
While Saturn Girl rallied to action, Tamper Lad and Cobalt Kid looked at each other. "B-but...but the Gnome World sounds like heaven!" said Cobalt. "This might be our worst enemy yet!"
However, Tamper had his own plans although Actor and Cailente followed him...
Meanwhile, on the streets of Legion World, cannibalistic zombies roamed on the orders of Middlefinger VI when suddenly...
Posted by The Royal Inquisitor on :
When suddenly...
Faraway Lad, Saturn Girl, Nightcrawler and Monkey-Eater Lad all suddenly vanished into thin air.
Somewhere very distant, two figures watched what was happening down below with silent approval. Middlefinger and the Gnome King's thugs were converging on each other and the Gorilla Tribe was on the brink of war.
Even now, the three Triumvirs were considering having their armies enter Legion World, which went against all precedent. As long as the chaos continued on Legion World, everything was going according to plan...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...everything was going according to plan, the plan that the two figures had worked out many years before. Well, maybe not exactly as they had worked out many years before, because that plan actually involved a swarm of metal-eating flying worm thingies and a pack of three-breasted valkyries converging in battle rather than the Gnome King and Middlefinger, but if there was anything the two had learned in the many years they had worked together, it was to improvise.
Who are these two evil figures, you ask? Well, their identity will be revealed on Page 4, but for now let's see what's happening elsewhere.
At that very moment, Eryk Davis Ester, matlock, and Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II were rushing to Legion World Takron Galtos, to protect Middlefinger V, whom EDE had surmised would be the next target of Middlefinger VI's hateful campaign.
As they ran through the streets EDE exclaims, "Jeepers! I wish we knew more about this latest Middlefinger!"
Suddenly, their path is blocked by a contingent of R'nd Mc'Dnlds, who laugh at begin attacking them. Fleeing the R'nd Mc'Dnlds, the LMBers take refuge in a small apartment building, and manage to hide themselves in one of the apartments, which is mysteriously unlocked.
Improbably, this was the very apartment of Blugshput Porkinbaggle, Middlefinger VI! EDE happened to glance at his open diary laying on the table, and began reading it, and learned the sad history of this character.
"Great Gravy!" EDE thought to himself. "This poor, lonely, pathetic guy! There must be some way in which we can use his social inadequacy to our advantage! Ah, I've got it!"
EDE told matlock and Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II: "Look guys... change of plans. We're going to have to get out of here past those R'nd Mc'Dnlds. Then you two will continue on to Takron Galtos to protect Middlefinger V, and see what he knows about these R'nd Mc'Dnlds being on the loose, given that they were his creations. I am going to gain Middlefinger's trust and confidence."
"But... isn't that dangerous? I mean... he apparently hates all LMBers, so want he attack you on first sight?" KGSR2 asked.
"He might... if he knows I'm an LMBer. But I plan on going in disguise... as a beautiful woman! Then I'll pretend to like him and flirt with him and earn his trust until I can figure out how to stop him!"
"That sounds so dangerous, EDE!" KGSR2 exclaims. "I don't think I could stand it if anything happened to you... I... I..."
"I know, babe." EDE replies.
"Well, I'll be..." matlock mumbles. "In all my years of super-heroing I've seen a million crazy plans, but this about beats 'em all."
Nonetheless, the three agreed on EDE's plan. But first they had to get out of the apartment surrounded by R'nd Mc'Dnlds. Fortunately for them...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Fortunately for them...Hrun the Barbarian and Stoopid Cat had just left SHAKES for the first time in days after a LONG binger! They had enjoyed each others company for awhile, but alas, the effects of the booze had led the two to gradually get on each other's nerves. As Hrun began to think of using Stoopid Cat as a key ingredient to a new pair of boots, and Stoopid Cat began to grow into the Tiger God Avatar, they suddenly realized Legion World was smack dab in the middle of a full on assault! The R'nd Mc'Dnlds were surrounding them!
"At last!!" yelled Hrun far louder than was neccessary, "glorious battle to accompany days of glorious drinking and unproteced sex! Come my feline companion, 'tis time to merciliess behead our enemies and drink wine from their skulls!"
Stoopid Cat as already leaping into the fray, acknowledging the fact that anyone who dared step on his tail must fall victim to his fury!
In the shadows, EDE turned to KGSR2 and Matlock, with a quick 'this is our big break...go!'.
Meanwhile, the talking Gorilla Tribe of Legion World was gathering their army at the Statue of Large Handsome...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
“Oook” said the delegate from the Orang Utang Nation as he swung lazily by his feet from a tree delicately peeling a banana, “ook ook, oooook. Oook ook ook Oook, oooooook” and with that the assembled Gorillas Roared approval and beating their chests began to march out from their jungle fastness heading toward Levitz Plaza and the doom of the Gnome King.
With a slightly worried look the Orang Utang picked up his book and headed back to the Library.
Meanwhile Hrun was singing lustfully as his mighty war axe swung through the hordes of clown, Stoopid cat yowled as his claws shredded the pantaloons from the R’nd Mc'Dnlds. This was the most fun he had had since he had used EDE’s best cap for a litter tray.
Seeing how the battle was going Matlock and KGSR2 ran out into the street protecting as best they could EDE and the dairy he was carrying, which EDE needed in order to see what type of woman Middlefinger preferred.
Faraway Lad, Saturn Girl, Nightcrawler and monkey eater lad stood in the bowels of Horace the Super Moby Dick of Space.
“I’m sorry for bringing you all here like this” said Faraway I must stop Middlefinger, he is the key to all this but I need bait and I need female bait, but who? It’s dangerous, some might say too dangerous for a girl, but there is no other way”
As he stood in thought, Monkey Eater Lad thought he heard a faint “ook” looking around he noticed a small book lying on the floor, picking it up he saw the title, “of course” he said feeling particularly hungry for some strange reason.
Saturn Girl looked across at Far and said “I can sense you fear you are perhaps sending someone into danger Far, but trust your heart, the girls are hero’s and know the risks as much as the men If it has to be this way do it”
Faraway Lad smiled, “ok then, lets do it guys” Turning to Nightcrawler he said “You know how in time of stress my Faraway powers can go a little wonky, can you get me to Arachne”
“Sure” and there was a “BAMF” and Faraway stood looking down at the body of Arachne whilst the sulphur smoke made the others cough.
Meanwhile the Gnome king……..
Posted by Bevis on :
*Interlude*
quote:Originally posted by Faraway Lad: Seeing how the battle was going Matlock and KGSR2 ran out into the street protecting as best they could EDE and the dairy he was carrying, which EDE needed in order to see what type of woman Middlefinger preferred.
Milkmaids presumably. If he's carrying a whole dairy Eryk must be even stonger than I thought.
*End Interlude*
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Well Eryk can carry the weight of legionworld on his shoulders at times
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
"Matlock Stop" gasped EDE as the weight of the dairy he was carrying became too much.
Matlock turned and was amazed to see 6 tall blond pigtailed milkmaids climb out of the Dairy and set about covering EDE with milk from the buckets slung across their large shoulders.
"Hee hee hee" said the voice of the Gnome King as he.....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
as he...suddenly the world went into limbo!
For what seemed like over a month, time came to a stand still and the world moved slower. But...quickly they came into focus again! Only mere seconds had passed!
But time moves differently for some. A lone figure, sneaking back into Legion World after being away for many years walked the streets again. For he was one of the three. And events had been set in motion that were quickly spiraling out of control!
The form of LardLad quickly faded away! For LardLad had not been seen in two years, missing in deep space! How could the LMB looked him in the eye and not realize it? Because he willed it so. The mysterious figure grasped the One Ring of Power, smiling at how they had finally managed to claim it.
What was it? Why, it was the entire Gnome planet, shrunken down by Varalent and hidden within the confines of the ring to escape the relentless searching of the Gnome King. In that small form the LMB could hide it--but it contained vast magical power now, as the magic of One Million Gnomes flowed through it.
SLASH! With a sweep of his giant scythe, the Gnome King was gone and blood sprayed along the walls of Legion World's buildings! Magic energy exploded outwards!
Moving now to Middlefinger, the black figure placed the One Ring on his middle finger!!! A all the magic poured through Middlefiner, giving him a power that rivaled all of the LMB's most powerful members--COMBINED!
The black figure left Legion World suddenly, as reality came back into focus. Middlefinger let out a roar and unleashed his power, knocking back all the present LMBers and converging armies!
"Wait!" cried a husky voice, and Middlefinger turned to see what looked amazingly like a young Elizabeth Taylor! "Before you kill everyone, save me and I'll join you on your quest," she said, batting her eyes, "I can love you to the end of time!"
For a brief minute Middlefinger hesitated, a *choke* welling up in his throat. Could he finally have found love? Was this is? But then he noticed--the young lady had discarded a nelly cap far from there! She wasn't a young Elizabeth Taylor: it was Eryk Davis Ester!!
Middlefinger let loose a spell that called down one thousand large meteors to destroy Legion World, and cause 1,000 volcanos to erupt across it!
Legion World was done for him! Now he flew strait into the atmosphere and to Takron-Galtos, to kill Middlefinger V!
The LMB picked themselves up as all the planet seemed on the verge of doom...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
As all the planet seemed on the verge of doom, EDE was annoyed that his plan to win the confidence of Middlefinger VI had failed. Oh well, maybe he could still put an end to these meteors.
"Milkmaids!" he calls to the bonnie young lasses who had accompanied him. "Let the cows do their thing!"
The milkmaids entered the dairy, and led the cows out of it. A slight pat on the rump, and the cows leaped into the air, in the path of the oncoming meteors, deflecting them. You see, these were no ordinary cattle... they were the moon-jumping cows of Greg Evigan Island! And the milkmaids were no ordinary young women, but the trained female soldiers of EDE's former army, now converted to a peaceful agricultural existence!
(Incidentally, while patting the cows on the rump is the milkmaid's preferred method of causing them to jump into space, patting one of the milkmaids on the rump usually has the effect of the patter flying into space).
After a number of leaps, the cows had managed to deflect nearly all of the meteors. Only one remained, but, unfortunately, it was headed directly for...
[ May 04, 2006, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
The delightful feathered Aerie of Greybird. Ripping a huge hole in Greys wings the meteor flew on bouncing off the psyonically protected halls of Crujectra it rolled through the streets of Legion World until it came to a stop underneath the statue of …..
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
underneath the statue of...Blacula?
As all the LMBers now present on Legion World were converging in LMBP Plaza (where all the statues now stood), Kent was heard to say, "Blacula? But he hardly ever dips into LMB lore?"
"True enough," said the ubran vampire, stepping out of the shadows for a brief second, "but who am I to argue with the secret statue creator on Legion World these days. But enough's enough, some Stranger informed me that my presence would be needed, and here I am!"
And with that, Blacula came out in full daylight (which he normally cannot do) and flew at the meteor, punching it back into outer-space! You see, the meteor was so big that it blocked out the sun, creating enough shadow to give Blacula full-room to manuever! And since Blacula's super-vampirism meant that when out of sunlight the strength of six point sixty six daxamites, he punched it right back into the sun. Quickly he dove into the shadows.
"Now good luck LMB. Go stop that villain and try to keep him off Legion World! Some of us are trying to sleep!"
With that, the assembled LMB turned to EDE and Cobalt said "well, you're the one with all the plans today Eryk, what's next for us?"
Posted by The Royal Inquisitor on :
Up in the sky, Quis and the Inquis watched on with great anxiety!
"*choke*" said the former axe-wielding machine of devastation! "Its so hard to keep track of who is who and who is where!"
"I agree Roy," said Quis, "that's why I had Rupert, the computer-savy guard of Takron-Galtos whip up this quick list that shows where each LMBer is during this battle! You see, LMBers not listed here are actually off-world and in space somewhere--don't fret though, they could still end up in this story!"
"Great gravy, Quis!" said Roy, "Let's check it out!"
Current Roll Call Legion World, LMBP Plaza: Caliente, Actor Lad, Tamper Lad, Eryk Davis Ester, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, Kid Prime, Abin Quank, Cobalt Kid, Stoopid Cat, Hrun the Barbarian, Everyday Girl, Lucien Lad, Spellbinder, Matlock, Kent Shakespeare, Blacula (exiting)
Some strange place: Faraway Lad, Saturn Girl, Nightcrawler, Monkey-Eater Lad and the apparent dead body of Arachne!
Cafe Cramer: Fat Cramer, Outdoor Miner & Kylie Minogue - battling Michael Lorenzo Lash, the Reverse Lash of Earth-5!
Takron-Galtos necking: Quislet, Esq. and Royal Inquisitor
STil at the fair: Harbinger, Reboot
-----------
"Great job!" chirped Chirp, the Calamity Cricket, presenter of narrative dialogue in the middle of stories.
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
In a Faraway Place, Monkey Eater Lad cradled the inert body of Arachne in his arms. In a dramatic pose, worthy of all great splash pages or covers MEL sank to his knees, “NOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted, as Saturn Girl raised a hand melodramatically to his face in sorrow.
Faraway looked on in stunned silence.
“Oh for frips sake” said Nightcrawler and taking the comatose Arachne in his arms he “bamf’d” away.
Whooossh” the sound of a large meteor flying overhead made MEL and Faraway look up. It crashed into a strange pond and after a few seconds the water blew back up into the air and from out of the water came………..
Posted by Bevis on :
Ian Thorpe in teeny tiny Speedos.
"Hey, listen", said the Thorpedo, his disturbingly large nose sniffing in the air, "I'm actually looking for you guys actually, but I was also looking for Our Charls a.k.a Kylie because she's a vital component of the Aussie Force Five: The Secret Superhero Squadron from Down Under. Has anyone seen her?"
The assembled LMBPers looked in surprise at the multiple Olympic medal winning swimmer. All that is apart from Lucien Lad and Everyday Girl who were looking confused at the back of the group.
"OK," said Lucien Lad, "I can accept the fact that I have no idea how we managaged to get here in a big group despite the fact that I was expecting some big adventure where we all get lost in the Palace and the main plot gets completely forgotten about and that a whole pile of meteors just turned up and the whole thing with the dairy and the milkmaids and all that gubbins, but what i don't understand is... did you actually shoot Arachne, is she dead, does anyone know or is everyone just avoiding that particular little plot point because it's a bit of a bugger to explain away?"
Everyday Girl looked at lucien Lad and shrugged. The way she hefted her huge gun onto her shoulder seemed to say more than any words could say. Just don't ask what she actually meant...
Meanwhile three further famous twentieth century Australians suddenly appeared next to Ian Thorpe.
"Blimey!" said Kent, "It's...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
"Blimey!" said Kent, "It's...
Mel Gibson, Dame Edna Everidge and Rupert Murdock. As Dame Edna covered the astonished LMB’er with her deadly gladioli Mel Gibson quickly moved and tied them up.
Right said Murdock, now you are all here I want to say….
And we shall leave that scene to return to Nightcrawler and Arachne. Now safely ensconced in the secret Bamf dimension, Nighty opened a small pouch on his costume and poured a potion into Arachnes mouth. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and asked. “Did it work?”
“Yes replied Nightcrawler, “After Spellbinder used her Telekinetic powers to deflect the bullets away from you, you took the super death like coma pills and now, everyone except us conspirators think you are dead. You are now our secret weapon in the up coming battle.”
“You mean I might still have to….” Arachne shuddered.
“Yes, I’m sorry, you will still have to” Said a saddened Nightcrawler, feeling sorry for young hero.
Meanwhile 6 young blond pigtailed milkmaids were stood in Legion Plaza with heavy wooden buckets in their hands, they were about to….
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
EXPLODE!!!
Gore and oddities rained down on the LMBP!
"Now listen to me!" said Mel Gibson loudly. The other members of AFF:TSSSFDU groaned. Mel had a knack for making long-speeches. "You've been sittin' arond doin' nothing, with the world on the brink of disaster! You didn't even realize our teammate, Kylie, has been kidnapped by the mysterious super-villains of this story off-panel, and for that, I'm afraid I will have to blame the British, for I, Mel Gibson have three super-powers! (1) Super blaming the British! (at this Faraway and Bevis nodded at one another, realizing this legendary power came in handy on numerous occassions), (2) super-speech making about freedom and every man's right to live (at this Cobalt wondered if they could imprison or kill Mel Gibson) and (3) being able to sense great danger! Which you are all in! You see--"
*ZAPPP!!!*
Suddenly they were all teleported aboard Horace, the Super Moby Dick of Space that was Faraway Lad's lair!
"Who?" said Cobalt, but before he could answer...
Meanwhile, Middlefinger VI flew across the galaxy at great speed! Passing by a sun, he overloaded it with pure beams of mega-light, causing it to explode and possibly destroy the universe if not stopped! He continued on, until suddenly he saw in the distance...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
A giant spiders web. It was too late to swerve and he flew straight into it and was trapped.
On board Horace Faraway Lad stood.
...and that gentlemen, and ladies" he smiled self consciously, "is how we will defeat Middlefinger. Now lets synchronise watches and off you go to your positions”
So back at Levitzt plaza the two legion world technicians Myron and Taryn were attempting to clean up a relay junction.
“will you look at the mess those milkmaids made of these relays” said Taryn. “it’s a disgusting goo”
“Hey Taryn” Said Myron “look at this, these relays have been tampered with I think this is part of a giant bomb we have to tell…..”
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
'...we have to tell Jailbait Lass, the only one left behind, because she's not techincally a LMB!'
As the two techs tried to explain it to her, she did that thing where you hit yourself in the forehead with your palm as if to say 'what the fuck now?'. She quickly hit her signal watch and then--
"Invisible Brainiac reporting for duty!" IB had not been idle in the missing year, and had been honing his light powers to such a degree that his was mega-fast on a interstellar level! He had even begun thinking of new codenames to display his light powers but hadn't come up with much yet.
"What is it Lolita?" he asked!
Lolita, kinda shy around people that weren't Everyday Girl and Cobalt Kid whispered in his ear.
"A bomb! But, word just came over the Galactic Science Police Scanner that Middlefiner blew up a sun and a whole galaxy is about to explode! I'm torn between two missions, and the whole LMB is off somewhere with Mel Gibson!"
"I'll help you young one then," said a voice, as IB turned to see--Lucifer Lass!! "Legion World is my home now, so I have my own reasons for doing so...besides, the secret three responsible for this are enemies to us all!"
As Myron and Taryn quickly began making crazy love in the middle of the plaza (believing the planet about to end), IB and Lucifer Lass tried to figure out what to do when suddenly they were joined by--
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
the sound of a small mouse exercise wheel spinning slowly round and round.
"squeek, Squeek squeek"
IB and Lucifer Lass both said
"the Time Mouse Trapper"
Myron and Taryn, having finished making love (hey the world was about to end they had to hurry) turned towards the time mouse trapper and started to produce dozens of ACME mouse traps which they scattered over the ground in front of the Trapper.
"fools, squeek, you think that will stop me"
"no" said Jailbait Lass "but this will and she..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...hit her other signal watch!
Suddenly, Outdoor Miner, Fat Cramer and the real Kylie Minogue teleported in from Cafe Cramer!
"squeek, how many are you?" said the Time Mouse Trapper. "With Middlefinger about to destroy space, I figure I'd finish off Legion World! And I will too, with the help of my agents, all the dinosaurs seconds before there extinction!"
"By the red litterbox known as Mars!" said Fat Cramer! "Thats a whole lot of dinosaurs (and explains why they are extinct on all the planets)!"
"I have an idea," said Kylie, "we could..."
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Call on Hrun the dinosuar hunter and Stoopid Cat.
As the super secret communication whistle of space sped through the either towards Hrun we turn our attention to.....
Posted by Bevis on :
what's on TV tonight. There's a documentary about beetles that looks quite good, or there's that new murder mystery thingy with the woman out of that other programme we liked, you know, the one where she did that thing and you laughed so much your lung collapsed and I didn't notice because she was so good. Oh the fun we had. Or there's porn on Channel Five.
Oooh but look back at Horace...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Horace had swum into deep space heading for the lesser Gorilla Nebula. As he flew, Faraway Lad paced the floor a worried look on his face; he had placed all the counters on the board and set the game in motion. All of his diplomatic efforts of the last 6 months had been leading up to this final throw of the dice. All he could do now was watch, wait and when the time came act.
Meanwhile in LegionWorld, Cramer, Jailbait Lass, Invisible Brainiac, Outdoor Miner, Lucifer Lass and Kylie Minogue were fighting for their lives against hordes of dinosaurs from the distant past. No matter how many dinosaurs they defeated the Time Mouse Trapper called forth more. From all periods they came, large Tyrannosaurs attacked alongside small vicious velociraptor’s whilst overhead Pteranodon’s swooped and soared.
“Its no good” shouted Lucifer Lass over the roar of the monsters, “there are too many of them we have to get out of here”
Suddenly the ceiling crashed in and down a rope to the tune of the A Team, (I know but just call it a side effect of the Time mouse Trappers meddling in time) slid Hrun and StoopidCat
“mrowrrrr time to change into the Tiger God AVATAR” Said SC
Whilst Hrun simply charged headlong into a large pack of velociraptor’s his axe humming whilst he sang mead hall songs of Beowulf. His shield was bitten, ripped and torn but still protected him. A gap appeared around the heroes and as the tiger god avatar fought on the space grew larger. Finally Kylie judged her moment and stood up. Starting to sing a catchy little disco number that had everyone shaking their booty’s she led, pied piper like, a large line of disco dancing dinosaurs out of the LMBP headquarters’.
Lucifer Lass threw her arms around Hrun’s neck and kissed him, “if you had not appeared when you did we would have been dino meat for sure” she said. Then she realised what she was doing and hurriedly dropped her arms. In the embarrassed silence that followed all that could be heard was…….
[ May 12, 2006, 06:37 AM: Message edited by: Faraway Lad ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...was Myron the LW techinician screaming! You see, in the fray, his would-be lover Taryn was biten by a velocirapter and now lay bleeding on the ground!
"*choke*" said Outdoor Miner, "are the denizens of Legion World forever going to be the victims of these horrible battles?"
Meanwhile, Middlefinger had been caught in a giant web in space! But this was no ordinary web! It was symbolic of the giant web of deceit ramptant throughout this whole story! Slowly the web faded away. Middlefinger turned towards his captors:
"Who dares?!" he yelled in space, now so powerful that his lungs could penetrate the cold soundlessness!
"We dare," said a voice, malicious in its tone. "We, the 3, the most hated enemies of Legion World. And now you, perhaps the most powerful being in universe will help us." said a woman.
"Why would I?" said asked Middlefinger, contemplating blasting a hole in the space/time continium just to show off his new power.
"Because we are the three most reviled posters ever in Legion World!" said a man with a scythe--the same one that killed the Gnome King! "We are the Legion of Banned Message Board Posters!! If you hate the universe, if you hate Legion World, if you HATE THE LMB, THEN YOU WILL JOIN US! NYAHAHAHAHAHHA!"
The stepped forth from the space-shadows:
Meteor Monarch!!!
Connundrum Queen!!!
The Reeper!!!
Their very names so reviled that they were rarely ever spoken of, even in passing! Yet, Middlefinger knew the Legion of Banned Message Board Posters** would be his allies!
Meanwhile, because of their odd connection to banning and webs metaphorically (which is good enough for us!), Nightcrawler and Arachne were on their own mission...
[**BTW - let's just use 3 ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
“So Nighty, now what” asked Arachne?
“Hush “replied Nightcrawler, “we need to wait. As a webmistress I need you to help me”
Meanwhile back with the Aussie force five, we find Rupert Murdock explaining…..
![[ROTFLMAO]](graemlins/rotflmao.gif)
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If he's carrying a whole dairy Eryk must be even stonger than I thought. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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