posted
A year had gone on since the Crisis that had threatened to destroy the LMB and all it stood for. A year the attack of the assmebled villains, the Red Bee, the Riddler and Gay-lipso. A year since the war in space and the Criss that had threatend reality itself.
Much had changed. The LMB had gone from one of it's most devestating times and grown, become stronger. Friends had fallen but others had taken their place. Heroes had been reborn, gained new powers, lost those new powers again, changed their costumes (or in the case of some of the more fashion conscious LMBers changed the costumes numerous times), gotten new code names, lost their powers, got some fancy gadgets to make up for the loss of powers, been assumed dead, got new powers and then returned to exaclt the same costumes, powers and codenames they had at the start of the year as if some shoddy writer was trying to make exciting new changes but then realised that no-ine cared and so went back to the original format since that's what everyone liked in the first place. Life had gone on as normal.
Or, at least, life had gone on as normal for the LMBP members. The ones with the powers and the statues and the collectable figuirnes with real anatomical detail. The ones that saved the day and then flew off to the Hootchie Hut or the Red Light Lounge at got plastered and impregnanted random females without knowing or, even, having any kind of sexual contact with them (OK so that was only Cobalt Kid that did the impregnating but all the others got plastered).
life on the streets wasn't so simple though. Legion World had grown into a thriving world of it's own, peopled by the workers and the people who made it possible to live there. the people that swept the streets and mended the roads and made the ice-creams. Life had been harder for them after the Crisis. Some of the LMB had tried to lend a hand. Sure they'd used their powers to rebuild the state buildings and the tourist spots but they'd got bored or been too busy or hadn't noticed the smaller houses that needed repair, the businesses that struggled in the aftermath. Life on the streets wasn't so easy for the Legion Worlders who weren't super heroes.
On top of that in a little back alley behind a row of small food shops and dry cleaners something was happening. Something that was starting small but inevitably would grow until it couldn't be stopped. The winf rustled fallen leaves and in the shadow cast by a slightly lopsided wall something stirred. Something woke...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Memories flashed in the person's head--memories of a past life...
They came quick. Moving to the infamous Legion World, home of heroes, to start a fresh life. Getting a job as a book-keeper in the local Legion World Library, the most premier library since the fall of Earth to corporate facism years earlier.
Laughter, as boys and girls called him ugly and pimply. Why couldn't he be more like the LMB? With their hot bodies and cute costumes?
Pain, as the Red Bee burned his skin while villains roamed the streets burning his neighborhood to the ground.
Relief, as Space Ranger pulled him away, to be saved to be rescued.
And finally...devastation, as he realized he would die without help, his own hero now dead and the villains' laughter ringing in his ears.
And now, only anger. Anger at the failure of them to save him. Life had gone on and the city was restored. But he was not. He was more hideous than ever...
Anger.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
The wind blew the leaves down the sleazy back streets. Russet colours swirled in patterns making a splash of colour against an otherwise drab and grey street.
Anger…
“why me, WHY ME” he raged, as he adjusted his ever so conservative clothes and plain un noticeable hair to a semblance of normality.
Laughter!
He heard the happy sounds of a young couple and instantly hated it. Almost without thinking he moved towards the sounds at the end of the alleyway.
“Shut up” he whispered, “shut up, why are you happy, I’m not”
As he reached the end of the alley he looked out and saw a happy loving couple walking arm in arm down the street. Dressed in the latest fashions, the bright colours an fashion statement and a homage to the heroes of the LMB the two young men were handsome, young and vibrant.
He hated them.
“stop it! Stop being so colourful and popular” he shouted and as he waved his hands a change came over the couple. They stopped laughing, they seemed to almost shrink into themselves , there clothes lost their colours and sheen and became dull and gray and cheap.
With dull lifeless eyes they moved on, as quiet as if they were in a library.
As they walked past him they bowed and spoke in unison, “Master, we away your commands”
His anger was burning him, driving him. But now, now he had a chance to get revenge, now he could….
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
Now he could finally get the recognition he had always craved! Now everyone would remember him! Everyone would remember the name of... BLUGSHPUT PORKINBAGGLE!
He thought for a moment. No... that would never do. If he wanted to be known, he wanted to be respected, he needed a new name. One that would strike fear in the hearts of those who heard it. One that would cause fits of terror rather than fits of laughter. One that would embody the anger that he felt at the world that had raced passed him like a commuter cut off in rush hour traffic.
But what? He thought about his powers. Strange how his ability to to invest in others the same dull, lifeless existence he had always experienced, and thus to take control of their newly pointless lives, seemed concentrated in one single digit in each of his hands. Yes, in that digit was power... the power he would be known by. The power that would gain him the respect he had sought for so long. And so he would take his name from that very instrument of power, from that mighty digit with which his future would be carved out.
He would become... MIDDLEFINGER!
[ February 16, 2006, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
MIDDLEFINGER raised his finger in victory at the thought of this small triumph. He squealed in anticipation thinking of his inevitable victory over the LMB.
His squeals were like that of a pig. Both the squeals and his name PORKINBAGGLE belied his incredible origin as a chimeric fusion of Swine, Beagle and Alien DNA.
He wondered, How Legion World could be brought to it's knees. His options were limited in that he recalled a protection spell on the the popular and colourful SHAKES. After a moment he decided that the attack would begin at the Penthouse Apartment of Princess Crujectra in the heart of Levitz Plaza itself.
In the park he saw two pretty song birds singing happily in the sun of early morning. With a mighty flick of his wrist he extended his middle finger at the birds to devasting effect.
He headed towards Levitz Plaza.
From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2005
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
As he did so, He passed two Legion World technicians busy fixing a data output port for the LW public broadcast net.
Myron and Taryn were old pro’s at this and could fix these things in their sleep and as a result they tended to talk and day dream as they went about their business.
“Boy! What about that battle with the Entropy Spinach last week, pass me that phase inhibitor will ya, I tell you those LMB guys have their work cut out defending Legion World week in week out, putting their life on the line for us like that” said Taryn
Passing the inhibitor Myron responded with a gruff, “yeah but they never clean up after themselves, I mean it took us days to clean out bits of Spinach from the power couplings in The Crujectra building, and I don’t even want to talk about the goo left over from that tick invasion”
A noise from Levitz plaza attracted the repair technician’s attention for a moment.
“Hey what’s up” said Myron, craning his neck to see.
“Who cares” retorted Taryn as she continued working on the data port without looking up. “if its dangerous then the glory squad will deal with it, leaving us to pick up after them as always”
Out across the plaza Blugshput Porkinbaggle had drawn attention to himself. He had walked past a street café and seen a group of happy young women, dressed in their finest, brightest, clothes laughing and celebrating the fact that one of them had just passed her degree course. “Stop laughing” whispered Blug “stop laughing at me” and he raised his middlefinger. Almost at once the laughing stopped and the group of girls now dressed very plainly in grey cardigans and matching polyester slacks, with sensible shoes rose from the table and quietly and meekly stood behind him and awaiting his instructions.
“Hey you! I saw that, how did you do that” Shouted……..
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
...shouted Matlock, who was apt to yelling at people in the streets as all good ol' fashioned cops did!
"Go, get out of here! We don't need anymore disturbances!" added Matlock, hoping that would send this poorly dressed fella on his way.
BLUGSHPUT couldn't help think for a second...Matlock had a 50+ career as a super-hero, and was his childhood idol! But NO!!! He was Middlefinger now, and he destroyed popular limelight thiefs like Matlock!
"Slaves!" he yelled, "eat the flesh off of Matlock's bones!"
"What the canninabalistic slaves of Middlefiner?" said Matlock, ducking into a side alley.
Meanwhile, at the LMB Galaxy's Fair, a young knightress of the Cobalt Kid's Triumvirate Army was working up the courage to ask Reboot for a dance, when...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
...or so it seemed, as a huge spaceship came crashing through the roof!
"Sweet Caliente's Fire!" cried on young man in attendence. "Isn't that the spaceship that attacked Legion World awhile back in the adventure chronicled as 'The Day Legion World Stood Still'?"
"Holy Harbi, I believe it is!" someone replied.
"LAM's sake, folks, don't sit around trying to figure out what it is that's about to fall and crush us... RUN!" called another.
At that very moment, far away from the LMB Galaxy's Fair, Kid Prime was...
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
…preparing for his visit to the seven wonders legion world theme park, part of the LMB Galaxy fair. He was really excited as he was to be the guest star at the opening of the new retro roller coaster ride. This was the first new honest to goodness run on rails not anti grav, roller be built for over 600 years. Kid Prime felt honoured to be one of the first to ride this new experience and had dressed accordingly in his very best and brightest. As he looked in the mirror there was a knock on the door and in walked one of the thousands of Legion World ancillary staff carrying a small parcel, it was a gift from Bevis. Opening it KP smiled as he read the card “to Kippers so you look fabuloso at the opening today” and took out the exquisite diamond and sapphire broche in traditional Transformer design. Attaching the broche Kid Prime turned and said to no one in particular, “it’s show time”
Back at the Galaxy fair
The space ship had turned out to be a very poor attempt at parking by Lard Lad, who once the ship was down had kicked the door open and jumped out, a drink in one hand and a half clothed girl in the other. “ALL RIGHT” he shouted, his big face swathed in his trade mark manic grin, “Lets get this party STARTED” Taking a big swig of Hooch Lardy turned his partner onto the dance floor and started to boogie. Ignoring as he did so the team of clean up operatives who arrived to take the space ship away and repair the damaged building.
This gave the knightress the courage to go over to Reboot and (to the surprise of many) actually get him to dance with her. They made a very romantic couple as Reboot showed himself no mean dancer, literally sweeping the knightress off her feet. Of course what no one noticed was the fact that every time Reboot made a mistake in the dance moves he simply Rebooted and did it over.
“Harbinger my fair and most beauteous lady” said Graybird “Would thou give me the pleasure of your company for this dance”
Slightly surprised by the request Harbi gave Gray her hand and then gasped as he flew her up into the air and proceeded to dance with her amongst the glowing stars of the night
Meanwhile, not far away, in the mean streets of Legion Worlds “staff entertainment zone” Matlock was tiring as he ran through the back alleyways as the shambolic hordes of Middlefinger lurched after him.
“Damnation” he thought as he ran, “just three more weeks and I could have asked Cobie for retirement, now I’m a gonna get erased by a bunch of no marks”
Turning into another alley Matlock ran through the obligatory pile of stacked cardboard boxes scattering them in an exciting and action packed way. But his old legs were getting slower and the Shambolic hordes were gaining on him.
He needed a miracle and turning a corner he found……
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
He needed a miracle and turning the corner he found...Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal Lad II, making out with...Eryk Davis Ester?!
Meanwhile, back at the Fair, Cobalt Kid noticed all the dancing and mingling going on, but he could not partake. "I'm surprised you haven't grabbed yourself a young lady, Cobie," said Faraway Lad, "it is what you're known for after all."
"Sorry Far, but there's only one lady on my mind these days..." replied Cobie. "I'm more concerned with Lardy. Crashing Middlefinger V's ship into Legion World, when we've been searching for it for over a year? That seems odd, especially since inside of it is the secret Fruit of Immortality, which bestows god-hood on anyone who eats it (and tastes amazing with in a dacquery). The only problem is that 4 out of 5 people who eat it choke and die because the deities who created it are so cruel. Could there be something far more sinister afoot?"
Outdoor Miner teleported away at that, preferring to be nowhere near foreshadowing. When he reappeared, it was at Cafe Cramer, where he suddenly saw--...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Dolly-puto and Kylie Minogue sharing a gossip over a couple of Manhattans (don't ask how a holographic personification of a computer can drink. The answer is just too complicated and besides might be an important plot point somewhere down the line). When they saw Miner tehy waved him over and pulled up a chair for him to perch on. Miner sat down, intrigued to find out who/what/why Kylie was this time and why she was there with Dolly-puto.
"I expect you're wondering who/what/why I am this time", said Kylie as if reading Miner's thoughts, "And now you're thinking it's as if I can read your thoughts."
"Ye....es", said Miner, slightly wary of the pint-sized lovely-arsed popstrell sat in front of him, "We've had some experiences with kylies in the past, so you'll understand why I'm a little wary of you this time."
"Perfectly", said Kylie, smiling sweetly and flashing her ever so slightly too large teeth, "Dolly-puto has been filling me in on that. You see, this time I am the real Kylie from a thousand years ago. I have travelled into the future where it is safe to reveal to you that I have always had super-powers. You see, I have an important message for you from...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
<cue dramatic music>
Julian Clary
<end dramatic music>
You may not know but Julian had a secret identity as the most feared of all the Secret Cabal of Amazing Media Personalities or SCAMP’s, the dark night avenger himself, the scourge of the underworld and bringer of destruction to the evil ones, the Nightfister himself.
Miner shuddered, even he had heard of this vigilante from one thousand years ago, a character even more feared in his native UK than the fabled Batman himself.
Kylie leaned close to Miner to whisper in his ear the secret she had travelled 1,000 years in to the future to pass on.
“You must……….”
But before she could finish, Dolly-puto had extended a large wicked looking blade from her ample chest and impaled poor Kylie to the back wall of Café Cramers.
“Fool did you not notice that I, a supposed hologram, was actually drinking”
(See we told you it might be an important plot line)
Standing up Miner was horrified to see “Dolly-puto” reach up and rip off her latex mask covering her face to reveal……..
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Michael Lorenzo Lash, the evil alternate universe counterpart of the LMBPs very own Lash Lad!...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
...you see, Lorenzo had been masquerading as Lash Lad for several months, thus explaining the Lash Lad one year later solicit:
quote:LASH LAD #246
It's one year later, and there's someone new behind the sunglasses and whip. Or is there? Guest-starring Eryk Davis Ester, Blok the pet rock, and the re-animated corpse of Large Handsome!
Meanwhile, back in the alley, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II is startled by matlock's sudden appearance, and begins choking. While performing the Heimlich manuever, EDE exclaims: "Jeepers! I wish people would stop interrupting us while we're practicing Inter-Stellar Counter Intelligence Corps techniques!"
At that, EDE's pet Luck Lord appears, and improbably, a section of the roof of a nearby building falls to the ground, blocking the entrance to the alleyway and preventing the cannibalistic servants of Middlefinger from approaching.
EDE continues: "We almost had that oral transferrance of data chips technique down pat!"
matlock says: "EDE, am I glad to see you! I've got bad news. There's a new Middlefinger in town, and he's got some kind of power to turn people into incredibly boring cannibalistic zombies!"
EDE replies: "Hmm... a new Middlefinger, huh? Well, if he follows the typical modus operandi of these guys, he'll begin his crime spree by killing the previous holder of the Middlefinger title. Which means we need to find the last Middlefinger and protect him!"
matlock replies with surprise: "Well, I'll be! All these years I've been a super-hero, and I never thought I'd end my career protecting super-villains!"
Back at the Galaxy Fair, KP arrived to see...
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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