posted
Up in the sky, Quis and the Inquis watched on with great anxiety!
"*choke*" said the former axe-wielding machine of devastation! "Its so hard to keep track of who is who and who is where!"
"I agree Roy," said Quis, "that's why I had Rupert, the computer-savy guard of Takron-Galtos whip up this quick list that shows where each LMBer is during this battle! You see, LMBers not listed here are actually off-world and in space somewhere--don't fret though, they could still end up in this story!"
"Great gravy, Quis!" said Roy, "Let's check it out!"
Current Roll Call Legion World, LMBP Plaza: Caliente, Actor Lad, Tamper Lad, Eryk Davis Ester, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, Kid Prime, Abin Quank, Cobalt Kid, Stoopid Cat, Hrun the Barbarian, Everyday Girl, Lucien Lad, Spellbinder, Matlock, Kent Shakespeare, Blacula (exiting)
Some strange place: Faraway Lad, Saturn Girl, Nightcrawler, Monkey-Eater Lad and the apparent dead body of Arachne!
Cafe Cramer: Fat Cramer, Outdoor Miner & Kylie Minogue - battling Michael Lorenzo Lash, the Reverse Lash of Earth-5!
Takron-Galtos necking: Quislet, Esq. and Royal Inquisitor
STil at the fair: Harbinger, Reboot
-----------
"Great job!" chirped Chirp, the Calamity Cricket, presenter of narrative dialogue in the middle of stories.
From: Captain's Cabin | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
In a Faraway Place, Monkey Eater Lad cradled the inert body of Arachne in his arms. In a dramatic pose, worthy of all great splash pages or covers MEL sank to his knees, “NOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted, as Saturn Girl raised a hand melodramatically to his face in sorrow.
Faraway looked on in stunned silence.
“Oh for frips sake” said Nightcrawler and taking the comatose Arachne in his arms he “bamf’d” away.
Whooossh” the sound of a large meteor flying overhead made MEL and Faraway look up. It crashed into a strange pond and after a few seconds the water blew back up into the air and from out of the water came………..
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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"Hey, listen", said the Thorpedo, his disturbingly large nose sniffing in the air, "I'm actually looking for you guys actually, but I was also looking for Our Charls a.k.a Kylie because she's a vital component of the Aussie Force Five: The Secret Superhero Squadron from Down Under. Has anyone seen her?"
The assembled LMBPers looked in surprise at the multiple Olympic medal winning swimmer. All that is apart from Lucien Lad and Everyday Girl who were looking confused at the back of the group.
"OK," said Lucien Lad, "I can accept the fact that I have no idea how we managaged to get here in a big group despite the fact that I was expecting some big adventure where we all get lost in the Palace and the main plot gets completely forgotten about and that a whole pile of meteors just turned up and the whole thing with the dairy and the milkmaids and all that gubbins, but what i don't understand is... did you actually shoot Arachne, is she dead, does anyone know or is everyone just avoiding that particular little plot point because it's a bit of a bugger to explain away?"
Everyday Girl looked at lucien Lad and shrugged. The way she hefted her huge gun onto her shoulder seemed to say more than any words could say. Just don't ask what she actually meant...
Meanwhile three further famous twentieth century Australians suddenly appeared next to Ian Thorpe.
"Blimey!" said Kent, "It's...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
"Blimey!" said Kent, "It's...
Mel Gibson, Dame Edna Everidge and Rupert Murdock. As Dame Edna covered the astonished LMB’er with her deadly gladioli Mel Gibson quickly moved and tied them up.
Right said Murdock, now you are all here I want to say….
And we shall leave that scene to return to Nightcrawler and Arachne. Now safely ensconced in the secret Bamf dimension, Nighty opened a small pouch on his costume and poured a potion into Arachnes mouth. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and asked. “Did it work?”
“Yes replied Nightcrawler, “After Spellbinder used her Telekinetic powers to deflect the bullets away from you, you took the super death like coma pills and now, everyone except us conspirators think you are dead. You are now our secret weapon in the up coming battle.”
“You mean I might still have to….” Arachne shuddered.
“Yes, I’m sorry, you will still have to” Said a saddened Nightcrawler, feeling sorry for young hero.
Meanwhile 6 young blond pigtailed milkmaids were stood in Legion Plaza with heavy wooden buckets in their hands, they were about to….
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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"Now listen to me!" said Mel Gibson loudly. The other members of AFF:TSSSFDU groaned. Mel had a knack for making long-speeches. "You've been sittin' arond doin' nothing, with the world on the brink of disaster! You didn't even realize our teammate, Kylie, has been kidnapped by the mysterious super-villains of this story off-panel, and for that, I'm afraid I will have to blame the British, for I, Mel Gibson have three super-powers! (1) Super blaming the British! (at this Faraway and Bevis nodded at one another, realizing this legendary power came in handy on numerous occassions), (2) super-speech making about freedom and every man's right to live (at this Cobalt wondered if they could imprison or kill Mel Gibson) and (3) being able to sense great danger! Which you are all in! You see--"
*ZAPPP!!!*
Suddenly they were all teleported aboard Horace, the Super Moby Dick of Space that was Faraway Lad's lair!
"Who?" said Cobalt, but before he could answer...
Meanwhile, Middlefinger VI flew across the galaxy at great speed! Passing by a sun, he overloaded it with pure beams of mega-light, causing it to explode and possibly destroy the universe if not stopped! He continued on, until suddenly he saw in the distance...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
A giant spiders web. It was too late to swerve and he flew straight into it and was trapped.
On board Horace Faraway Lad stood.
...and that gentlemen, and ladies" he smiled self consciously, "is how we will defeat Middlefinger. Now lets synchronise watches and off you go to your positions”
So back at Levitzt plaza the two legion world technicians Myron and Taryn were attempting to clean up a relay junction.
“will you look at the mess those milkmaids made of these relays” said Taryn. “it’s a disgusting goo”
“Hey Taryn” Said Myron “look at this, these relays have been tampered with I think this is part of a giant bomb we have to tell…..”
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
'...we have to tell Jailbait Lass, the only one left behind, because she's not techincally a LMB!'
As the two techs tried to explain it to her, she did that thing where you hit yourself in the forehead with your palm as if to say 'what the fuck now?'. She quickly hit her signal watch and then--
"Invisible Brainiac reporting for duty!" IB had not been idle in the missing year, and had been honing his light powers to such a degree that his was mega-fast on a interstellar level! He had even begun thinking of new codenames to display his light powers but hadn't come up with much yet.
"What is it Lolita?" he asked!
Lolita, kinda shy around people that weren't Everyday Girl and Cobalt Kid whispered in his ear.
"A bomb! But, word just came over the Galactic Science Police Scanner that Middlefiner blew up a sun and a whole galaxy is about to explode! I'm torn between two missions, and the whole LMB is off somewhere with Mel Gibson!"
"I'll help you young one then," said a voice, as IB turned to see--Lucifer Lass!! "Legion World is my home now, so I have my own reasons for doing so...besides, the secret three responsible for this are enemies to us all!"
As Myron and Taryn quickly began making crazy love in the middle of the plaza (believing the planet about to end), IB and Lucifer Lass tried to figure out what to do when suddenly they were joined by--
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
the sound of a small mouse exercise wheel spinning slowly round and round.
"squeek, Squeek squeek"
IB and Lucifer Lass both said
"the Time Mouse Trapper"
Myron and Taryn, having finished making love (hey the world was about to end they had to hurry) turned towards the time mouse trapper and started to produce dozens of ACME mouse traps which they scattered over the ground in front of the Trapper.
"fools, squeek, you think that will stop me"
"no" said Jailbait Lass "but this will and she..."
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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Suddenly, Outdoor Miner, Fat Cramer and the real Kylie Minogue teleported in from Cafe Cramer!
"squeek, how many are you?" said the Time Mouse Trapper. "With Middlefinger about to destroy space, I figure I'd finish off Legion World! And I will too, with the help of my agents, all the dinosaurs seconds before there extinction!"
"By the red litterbox known as Mars!" said Fat Cramer! "Thats a whole lot of dinosaurs (and explains why they are extinct on all the planets)!"
"I have an idea," said Kylie, "we could..."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Call on Hrun the dinosuar hunter and Stoopid Cat.
As the super secret communication whistle of space sped through the either towards Hrun we turn our attention to.....
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
what's on TV tonight. There's a documentary about beetles that looks quite good, or there's that new murder mystery thingy with the woman out of that other programme we liked, you know, the one where she did that thing and you laughed so much your lung collapsed and I didn't notice because she was so good. Oh the fun we had. Or there's porn on Channel Five.
Oooh but look back at Horace...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Horace had swum into deep space heading for the lesser Gorilla Nebula. As he flew, Faraway Lad paced the floor a worried look on his face; he had placed all the counters on the board and set the game in motion. All of his diplomatic efforts of the last 6 months had been leading up to this final throw of the dice. All he could do now was watch, wait and when the time came act.
Meanwhile in LegionWorld, Cramer, Jailbait Lass, Invisible Brainiac, Outdoor Miner, Lucifer Lass and Kylie Minogue were fighting for their lives against hordes of dinosaurs from the distant past. No matter how many dinosaurs they defeated the Time Mouse Trapper called forth more. From all periods they came, large Tyrannosaurs attacked alongside small vicious velociraptor’s whilst overhead Pteranodon’s swooped and soared.
“Its no good” shouted Lucifer Lass over the roar of the monsters, “there are too many of them we have to get out of here”
Suddenly the ceiling crashed in and down a rope to the tune of the A Team, (I know but just call it a side effect of the Time mouse Trappers meddling in time) slid Hrun and StoopidCat
“mrowrrrr time to change into the Tiger God AVATAR” Said SC
Whilst Hrun simply charged headlong into a large pack of velociraptor’s his axe humming whilst he sang mead hall songs of Beowulf. His shield was bitten, ripped and torn but still protected him. A gap appeared around the heroes and as the tiger god avatar fought on the space grew larger. Finally Kylie judged her moment and stood up. Starting to sing a catchy little disco number that had everyone shaking their booty’s she led, pied piper like, a large line of disco dancing dinosaurs out of the LMBP headquarters’.
Lucifer Lass threw her arms around Hrun’s neck and kissed him, “if you had not appeared when you did we would have been dino meat for sure” she said. Then she realised what she was doing and hurriedly dropped her arms. In the embarrassed silence that followed all that could be heard was…….
posted
...was Myron the LW techinician screaming! You see, in the fray, his would-be lover Taryn was biten by a velocirapter and now lay bleeding on the ground!
"*choke*" said Outdoor Miner, "are the denizens of Legion World forever going to be the victims of these horrible battles?"
Meanwhile, Middlefinger had been caught in a giant web in space! But this was no ordinary web! It was symbolic of the giant web of deceit ramptant throughout this whole story! Slowly the web faded away. Middlefinger turned towards his captors:
"Who dares?!" he yelled in space, now so powerful that his lungs could penetrate the cold soundlessness!
"We dare," said a voice, malicious in its tone. "We, the 3, the most hated enemies of Legion World. And now you, perhaps the most powerful being in universe will help us." said a woman.
"Why would I?" said asked Middlefinger, contemplating blasting a hole in the space/time continium just to show off his new power.
"Because we are the three most reviled posters ever in Legion World!" said a man with a scythe--the same one that killed the Gnome King! "We are the Legion of Banned Message Board Posters!! If you hate the universe, if you hate Legion World, if you HATE THE LMB, THEN YOU WILL JOIN US! NYAHAHAHAHAHHA!"
The stepped forth from the space-shadows:
Meteor Monarch!!!
Connundrum Queen!!!
The Reeper!!!
Their very names so reviled that they were rarely ever spoken of, even in passing! Yet, Middlefinger knew the Legion of Banned Message Board Posters** would be his allies!
Meanwhile, because of their odd connection to banning and webs metaphorically (which is good enough for us!), Nightcrawler and Arachne were on their own mission...
[**BTW - let's just use 3 ]
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
“So Nighty, now what” asked Arachne?
“Hush “replied Nightcrawler, “we need to wait. As a webmistress I need you to help me”
Meanwhile back with the Aussie force five, we find Rupert Murdock explaining…..
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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