The dead body of Cobalt Kid fell forward in a bloody mess. Everyday Girl stood behind him, with steam rising off her pistols.
"What in the name of--?"
"No, Bevis," said Spellbinder, "wait for it.."
"Yes," said Jailbait Lass, "because we ladies know him far too well. This is not Cobalt Kid. The real Cobalt Kid is by the cruiser of Middlefinger V, with LardLad and the others. Cobalt Kid can't be here, because he's there, and the continuity laws of LMB tag threads are stronger than ever after the Infinite Crisis. Gone are the days of when things made almost no sense. Now there must be some sort of linear story-telling. Luckily the universe had created such a creature many years ago."
"Oh," said Lucien Lad with a groan. "Don't tell me...it's--yup," he addd seeing.
It was Madrox the Multiple Durlan, attempting the infiltrate the LMB once again!
"I love killing the Multiple Durlan!" said Everyday Girl, as she now probably had killed him more than anyone else.
"But, what idea did he have?" said Jailbait Lass
"I'll tell you," said Arachne, stepping forward from the Security Office. "The infinite size of the palace could help..."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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The Royal Inquisitor watched from his prison cell on Takron-Galtos with Quislet, Esq. during one of their visitations. Using Quis's omin-com they were monitoring the events.
"Alas, Quis," said the Inquis, "it appears there are troubled times on Legion World."
"You're right," said Quis. "Let's go over it for a minute. We have:
- Middlefinger VI, attempting to rampage on Legion World, although he has some far more dastardly plot in my mind. He has an intense hate for the LMB and the beautiful people of Legion World, and has an army of cannibalistic zombies. Deciding how to stop him is Matlock, Eryk Davis Ester, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II,
- The cruiser of Middlefinger V has crashed onto Legion World at the Legion World Fair, and inside is the dastardly Gnome King, who has eaten the Fruit of Immortality, which was within the ship. Thus, becoming endowed with new super-powers (which we don't know the extent of yet), he plans on journeying to the jungles of Legion World to become Candy, the Caramel King of Kongs. An army of clowns follows him. Face to face with them are Tamper Lad, Kid Prime and Cobalt Kid.
- Also at the fair dancing is Grey Birdboy, Harbinger, Actor Lad and Caliente
- You see, in the Jungles of Legion World, there is a giant statue of Middlefinger II, aka Large Handsome, a deceased villain and former boyfriend of Lash. The statue accidently fell there when the LMB moved to Legion World, and in the meantime, the Super-Talking Gorilla Tribe of Legion World lives there. Cobalt Kid is an honorary member. If the Gnome King comes any closer, and his war in the streets with Middlefinger VI goes any farther, the gorilla tribe will break their oath of peace for the first time in Legion World history and use violence to stop all combatants.
- Also with the group facing the clowns is LardLad, the beloved LMB founder. However, Lardy has for some reason or another decided to go into the Repository of Lost Artifacts and pull out the One Ring of Power. The LMB is slightly worried about such rash action.
- Also happening is that Dollyputo and Kyle Minogue are enjoying a drink at Cafe Cramer, when Outdoor Miner and Fat Cramer learn that Dollyputo is actually Micheal Lorenzo Lash, an alterate Earth evil Lash from Earth-5, where all the LMB is evil! Further, he had been masquarading as Lash for months! While we await what is going to happen next, one must wonder where the real Lash is!
- Helping Mattropolis recover is Legion Adventure Man, Faraway Lad, Abin Quank and Stoopid Cat, although the reasons for his descent to Legion World remain mysterious.
- And in Legion World plaza, Spellbiner, Lucien Lad, Arachne, Everyday Girl and LMB Intern Jailbait Lass may have found a way to stop the R'nd Mc'Dnlds, which were a creation of Middlefinger VI, by using the terrasacts, which may help stop all the various evil armies.
- Oh, and some Knightress in Cobie's army has a crush on Reboot."
Silence for a second.
The Royal Inquis spoke up. "Oh, is that all? Back to the action!"
From: Captain's Cabin | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
The gathered LMBPers looked at the corpse of Arachne.
"Um..." said Lucien. "Gosh", said Spellbinder. "What?" said Everyday Girl, "She was a Madrox too! Erm... wasn't she?" "I do hope so", said Lucien Lad, "But then again it could just be one of those adventures that we have where LMBPers keep randomly dying but then not actually being dead because of some convoluted plot twist and everything turns out to be alright unless it turns out that someone did make the ultimate sacrifice to save the day but then turns out not to be dead but in fact in suspended animation or a ghost or something or a clone and so it's all OK and it only looked like they were dead when in fact they weren't and the supposedly dead LMBPer turns up at the exactly right moment and manages to save the day from the person doing the killing, unless said person doing the killing is an LMBPer who has gone evil or made a mistake or got a little over-excited or just generally wasn't paying attention, because gods know that happens enough around here, in which the supposedly dead but not really, or possibly miraculously ressurected, LMBPer will turn up just in time to save the day from the *real* villain du jour who has been hidden until that precise moment and so everything turns out alright in the end and we get to go for ice-cream and booze, yay!"
The three not-dead ladies looked at Lucien Lad for a couple of seconds.
"So, like, when did you get super-run-on-sentence powers?" asked Everyday Girl eventually.
"Eh", said Lucien Lad shrugging his shoulders and causing the sequins on his jacket to sparkle glamorously, "It's just a natural ability I have. I've never really found any way for it to come in really handy apart from to confuse people in the middle of an arguement."
"Well you never know, it could be very useful one day", said Jailbait Lass, looking on the bright side of things as usual.
"Guys", said Spellbinder, "Aren't we forgetting about something?"
"Oh yeah", said Lucien Lad, looking at the smoking corpse of possibly-Arachne...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Meanwhile, Cobalt Kid, the Ring endowed Lardy and Kid Prime fought back the clowns, knowing full well a riot on the streets of Legion World was not a good thing! Harbinger and Greybird stopped dancing for a moment and joined them, while Caliente and Actor Lad spotted Tamper Lad not getting involved and looked to investigate.
Chirp, the Calamity Cricket, who never actually did anything other than present narrative dialogue in the middle of stories (kinda like the Watcher, except he'd rather let Galactus consume the universe then get involved) couldn't help but say *chirp* 'Caliente, Actor and Tamper all together? That makes for good *chirp* drama!'
As Caliente and Actor watched they could see Tamper Lad deep in thought. You see, Tamper was attempting to figure out the Gnome King's motivation, as he had never really appeared in LMB history before! Using a secret hand signal code with Cobalt Kid (which included the middle finger--ironically, and grabbing their crotches, since the two weren't exactly good buddies), he told Cobalt to contact Spellbinder via their mental link, which always was on, and ask her to read the Gnome King's mind. Spellbinder was too far away for reading such a powerful foe, especially since the foe had all sorts of new powers due to the Fruit of Immortality, so therefore contacted Saturn Girl, Legion World Founder, and asked for her help so the two could do it together. Although under quite a strain, they learned:
The Origin of the Gnome King!!!
Far away, in a corner of the universe known as Middle-Universe, a planet existed with various races of Gnomes. They were much like anyone else, except they were all low-level magic users and also had the amazing ability to create gold out of virtually anything using their super-secret sewing skills that allowed them to literally sew metal!
Then, one day, Faraway Lad journeyed there while acting as Primus Pilus, aka second in command, of Cobalt Kid's 1/3 of the Legion World Triumvirate armies, and stationed himself with all the Gnomes. For ten days, Faraway Lad drank massive amounts of alcohol, smoked many pipes, laughed, ate and generally was merry.
The effect was astonishing! The Gnomes were so delighted that they completely changed their culture to mirror Faraway Lad's way of thinking! They focused on drinking, laughing, eating and being merry, and withing one year, there was no war, poverty, sickness, strife or evil on their planet. In fact, they all worked at their own pace and lived in relative prosperity, never having to worry about anything. It was a virtual utopia!
All except one Gnome that is! The Gnome King himself was not pleased! You see, he wanted there to be advances in business and economics, and in figuring out new ways to advance technologically, monetarily and through complex forms of government.
The other Gnomes disagreed, rather writing poetry, music and plays, or telling stories and reading & drawing art.
NO! said the Gnome King, who believed in fierce competition and building up the defenses of the planet. It is not okay to just be happy he believed, since we must constantly be working and using up our resources.
Thus, the Gnome King attempted to destroy all the the other Gnomes through massive dictatorial enslavement! He was already the strongest mage there was, and almost succeeded, except the variuos Gnomes banded together and casted a sleeping spell on him. While he slept for one whole year, the Gnomes were able to somehow hide their planet from him, and thus the entire Gnome culture, so that Gnomes were now hidden from view throughout the whole galaxy? Where was the Gnome planet? What ever happened to the Gnomes?
Well, that's what the Gnome King wanted to know! He awoke a year later and searched for them to no avail. He had learned of the Fruit of Immortality in Middlefinger V's ship b/c a couple of drunk LMBers blabbed about it, and thus realized he could gain immortality--so he could search for them forever, and super-powers--so he could beat them all this time if he ever fought them again! Now, he succeeded! All he had to do was find them.
Except now the Fruit had unhinged him slightly more and he wanted Legion World to suffer first! He had more mysterious reasons for journeying to the statue of Large Handsome, but---
***
Suddenly, the mind-reading was cut-off. Back at LMBP Plaza, something was occurring with Spellbiner that interupted it (indeed, this was the exact time Everyday Girl shot Arachne in the above post).
While Saturn Girl rallied to action, Tamper Lad and Cobalt Kid looked at each other. "B-but...but the Gnome World sounds like heaven!" said Cobalt. "This might be our worst enemy yet!"
However, Tamper had his own plans although Actor and Cailente followed him...
Meanwhile, on the streets of Legion World, cannibalistic zombies roamed on the orders of Middlefinger VI when suddenly...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad, Saturn Girl, Nightcrawler and Monkey-Eater Lad all suddenly vanished into thin air.
Somewhere very distant, two figures watched what was happening down below with silent approval. Middlefinger and the Gnome King's thugs were converging on each other and the Gorilla Tribe was on the brink of war.
Even now, the three Triumvirs were considering having their armies enter Legion World, which went against all precedent. As long as the chaos continued on Legion World, everything was going according to plan...
From: Captain's Cabin | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
...everything was going according to plan, the plan that the two figures had worked out many years before. Well, maybe not exactly as they had worked out many years before, because that plan actually involved a swarm of metal-eating flying worm thingies and a pack of three-breasted valkyries converging in battle rather than the Gnome King and Middlefinger, but if there was anything the two had learned in the many years they had worked together, it was to improvise.
Who are these two evil figures, you ask? Well, their identity will be revealed on Page 4, but for now let's see what's happening elsewhere.
At that very moment, Eryk Davis Ester, matlock, and Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II were rushing to Legion World Takron Galtos, to protect Middlefinger V, whom EDE had surmised would be the next target of Middlefinger VI's hateful campaign.
As they ran through the streets EDE exclaims, "Jeepers! I wish we knew more about this latest Middlefinger!"
Suddenly, their path is blocked by a contingent of R'nd Mc'Dnlds, who laugh at begin attacking them. Fleeing the R'nd Mc'Dnlds, the LMBers take refuge in a small apartment building, and manage to hide themselves in one of the apartments, which is mysteriously unlocked.
Improbably, this was the very apartment of Blugshput Porkinbaggle, Middlefinger VI! EDE happened to glance at his open diary laying on the table, and began reading it, and learned the sad history of this character.
"Great Gravy!" EDE thought to himself. "This poor, lonely, pathetic guy! There must be some way in which we can use his social inadequacy to our advantage! Ah, I've got it!"
EDE told matlock and Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II: "Look guys... change of plans. We're going to have to get out of here past those R'nd Mc'Dnlds. Then you two will continue on to Takron Galtos to protect Middlefinger V, and see what he knows about these R'nd Mc'Dnlds being on the loose, given that they were his creations. I am going to gain Middlefinger's trust and confidence."
"But... isn't that dangerous? I mean... he apparently hates all LMBers, so want he attack you on first sight?" KGSR2 asked.
"He might... if he knows I'm an LMBer. But I plan on going in disguise... as a beautiful woman! Then I'll pretend to like him and flirt with him and earn his trust until I can figure out how to stop him!"
"That sounds so dangerous, EDE!" KGSR2 exclaims. "I don't think I could stand it if anything happened to you... I... I..."
"I know, babe." EDE replies.
"Well, I'll be..." matlock mumbles. "In all my years of super-heroing I've seen a million crazy plans, but this about beats 'em all."
Nonetheless, the three agreed on EDE's plan. But first they had to get out of the apartment surrounded by R'nd Mc'Dnlds. Fortunately for them...
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Fortunately for them...Hrun the Barbarian and Stoopid Cat had just left SHAKES for the first time in days after a LONG binger! They had enjoyed each others company for awhile, but alas, the effects of the booze had led the two to gradually get on each other's nerves. As Hrun began to think of using Stoopid Cat as a key ingredient to a new pair of boots, and Stoopid Cat began to grow into the Tiger God Avatar, they suddenly realized Legion World was smack dab in the middle of a full on assault! The R'nd Mc'Dnlds were surrounding them!
"At last!!" yelled Hrun far louder than was neccessary, "glorious battle to accompany days of glorious drinking and unproteced sex! Come my feline companion, 'tis time to merciliess behead our enemies and drink wine from their skulls!"
Stoopid Cat as already leaping into the fray, acknowledging the fact that anyone who dared step on his tail must fall victim to his fury!
In the shadows, EDE turned to KGSR2 and Matlock, with a quick 'this is our big break...go!'.
Meanwhile, the talking Gorilla Tribe of Legion World was gathering their army at the Statue of Large Handsome...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
“Oook” said the delegate from the Orang Utang Nation as he swung lazily by his feet from a tree delicately peeling a banana, “ook ook, oooook. Oook ook ook Oook, oooooook” and with that the assembled Gorillas Roared approval and beating their chests began to march out from their jungle fastness heading toward Levitz Plaza and the doom of the Gnome King.
With a slightly worried look the Orang Utang picked up his book and headed back to the Library.
Meanwhile Hrun was singing lustfully as his mighty war axe swung through the hordes of clown, Stoopid cat yowled as his claws shredded the pantaloons from the R’nd Mc'Dnlds. This was the most fun he had had since he had used EDE’s best cap for a litter tray.
Seeing how the battle was going Matlock and KGSR2 ran out into the street protecting as best they could EDE and the dairy he was carrying, which EDE needed in order to see what type of woman Middlefinger preferred.
Faraway Lad, Saturn Girl, Nightcrawler and monkey eater lad stood in the bowels of Horace the Super Moby Dick of Space.
“I’m sorry for bringing you all here like this” said Faraway I must stop Middlefinger, he is the key to all this but I need bait and I need female bait, but who? It’s dangerous, some might say too dangerous for a girl, but there is no other way”
As he stood in thought, Monkey Eater Lad thought he heard a faint “ook” looking around he noticed a small book lying on the floor, picking it up he saw the title, “of course” he said feeling particularly hungry for some strange reason.
Saturn Girl looked across at Far and said “I can sense you fear you are perhaps sending someone into danger Far, but trust your heart, the girls are hero’s and know the risks as much as the men If it has to be this way do it”
Faraway Lad smiled, “ok then, lets do it guys” Turning to Nightcrawler he said “You know how in time of stress my Faraway powers can go a little wonky, can you get me to Arachne”
“Sure” and there was a “BAMF” and Faraway stood looking down at the body of Arachne whilst the sulphur smoke made the others cough.
Meanwhile the Gnome king……..
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Faraway Lad: Seeing how the battle was going Matlock and KGSR2 ran out into the street protecting as best they could EDE and the dairy he was carrying, which EDE needed in order to see what type of woman Middlefinger preferred.
Milkmaids presumably. If he's carrying a whole dairy Eryk must be even stonger than I thought.
*End Interlude*
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Well Eryk can carry the weight of legionworld on his shoulders at times
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
"Matlock Stop" gasped EDE as the weight of the dairy he was carrying became too much.
Matlock turned and was amazed to see 6 tall blond pigtailed milkmaids climb out of the Dairy and set about covering EDE with milk from the buckets slung across their large shoulders.
"Hee hee hee" said the voice of the Gnome King as he.....
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
as he...suddenly the world went into limbo!
For what seemed like over a month, time came to a stand still and the world moved slower. But...quickly they came into focus again! Only mere seconds had passed!
But time moves differently for some. A lone figure, sneaking back into Legion World after being away for many years walked the streets again. For he was one of the three. And events had been set in motion that were quickly spiraling out of control!
The form of LardLad quickly faded away! For LardLad had not been seen in two years, missing in deep space! How could the LMB looked him in the eye and not realize it? Because he willed it so. The mysterious figure grasped the One Ring of Power, smiling at how they had finally managed to claim it.
What was it? Why, it was the entire Gnome planet, shrunken down by Varalent and hidden within the confines of the ring to escape the relentless searching of the Gnome King. In that small form the LMB could hide it--but it contained vast magical power now, as the magic of One Million Gnomes flowed through it.
SLASH! With a sweep of his giant scythe, the Gnome King was gone and blood sprayed along the walls of Legion World's buildings! Magic energy exploded outwards!
Moving now to Middlefinger, the black figure placed the One Ring on his middle finger!!! A all the magic poured through Middlefiner, giving him a power that rivaled all of the LMB's most powerful members--COMBINED!
The black figure left Legion World suddenly, as reality came back into focus. Middlefinger let out a roar and unleashed his power, knocking back all the present LMBers and converging armies!
"Wait!" cried a husky voice, and Middlefinger turned to see what looked amazingly like a young Elizabeth Taylor! "Before you kill everyone, save me and I'll join you on your quest," she said, batting her eyes, "I can love you to the end of time!"
For a brief minute Middlefinger hesitated, a *choke* welling up in his throat. Could he finally have found love? Was this is? But then he noticed--the young lady had discarded a nelly cap far from there! She wasn't a young Elizabeth Taylor: it was Eryk Davis Ester!!
Middlefinger let loose a spell that called down one thousand large meteors to destroy Legion World, and cause 1,000 volcanos to erupt across it!
Legion World was done for him! Now he flew strait into the atmosphere and to Takron-Galtos, to kill Middlefinger V!
The LMB picked themselves up as all the planet seemed on the verge of doom...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
As all the planet seemed on the verge of doom, EDE was annoyed that his plan to win the confidence of Middlefinger VI had failed. Oh well, maybe he could still put an end to these meteors.
"Milkmaids!" he calls to the bonnie young lasses who had accompanied him. "Let the cows do their thing!"
The milkmaids entered the dairy, and led the cows out of it. A slight pat on the rump, and the cows leaped into the air, in the path of the oncoming meteors, deflecting them. You see, these were no ordinary cattle... they were the moon-jumping cows of Greg Evigan Island! And the milkmaids were no ordinary young women, but the trained female soldiers of EDE's former army, now converted to a peaceful agricultural existence!
(Incidentally, while patting the cows on the rump is the milkmaid's preferred method of causing them to jump into space, patting one of the milkmaids on the rump usually has the effect of the patter flying into space).
After a number of leaps, the cows had managed to deflect nearly all of the meteors. Only one remained, but, unfortunately, it was headed directly for...
[ May 04, 2006, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
The delightful feathered Aerie of Greybird. Ripping a huge hole in Greys wings the meteor flew on bouncing off the psyonically protected halls of Crujectra it rolled through the streets of Legion World until it came to a stop underneath the statue of …..
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
As all the LMBers now present on Legion World were converging in LMBP Plaza (where all the statues now stood), Kent was heard to say, "Blacula? But he hardly ever dips into LMB lore?"
"True enough," said the ubran vampire, stepping out of the shadows for a brief second, "but who am I to argue with the secret statue creator on Legion World these days. But enough's enough, some Stranger informed me that my presence would be needed, and here I am!"
And with that, Blacula came out in full daylight (which he normally cannot do) and flew at the meteor, punching it back into outer-space! You see, the meteor was so big that it blocked out the sun, creating enough shadow to give Blacula full-room to manuever! And since Blacula's super-vampirism meant that when out of sunlight the strength of six point sixty six daxamites, he punched it right back into the sun. Quickly he dove into the shadows.
"Now good luck LMB. Go stop that villain and try to keep him off Legion World! Some of us are trying to sleep!"
With that, the assembled LMB turned to EDE and Cobalt said "well, you're the one with all the plans today Eryk, what's next for us?"
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
If he's carrying a whole dairy Eryk must be even stonger than I thought. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
