That's right! Each post is a real-time roleplaying storyline! Can you help get this thread to 2,000 posts?
<walks in>
What the hell place is this? And why does it smell like sex? And why is there a video tape paused on the screen with an image of STU on it (face obviously blanked out by Mario of the Hulk).
<turns on lights>
Oooooh. Oh. Now I get it...
<walks into next room>
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
*As Cobalt Kid walks into the next room, he is hit on the head from the side. As darkness engulf the plucky lad, he hears*
"That was easy. Almost too easy"
*outside, the tinny sound of a hand organ seems strangely anachronistic and yet...
Posted by Nova Girl on :
many citizens were stopping to listen as I busked to raise money for the orphanage. Perhaps they were taken with the prancing of my lap ceej "Petals" who jumps through little hoops as I play.
From the alleyway a commotion as a sweaty loin-cloth clad man drags Cobalt Kid to the curb throwing him into the back of a anti-grav freight transporter before taking off.
Peeking into the alley I see a group of LMBers in hot pursuit...
Posted by Floating Foxlike Creature on :
... of an odd, mustachioed man who was cackling maniacally.
"It's too late, he's already unleased the No-Life Equation on the message boards," shouted SharkLad-D, exposing several rows of sharp teeth.
But the group of LMBers was again one step too slow. The triumphantly gloating man stepped through a warp portal at the end of the alley, vanishing into the air and doubtless onto a parallel message board.
"Now what?" He Who Wonders wondered.
"No worries, mates. Teleportation? I can get you there," someone said from behind. It was...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Faraway Lad, who smiled and with a faint plop sound sent Nova Girl, Floating Foxlike Creature and Sahrk Lad-D faraway. In fact so faraway that when Nova turned around to see where she was she was almost caught in the side of the head by a huge.........
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...corpse! The corpse was long since deceased, but in it appeared to be a decayed body in a...Cobalt Kid costume?
But if this was Cobalt Kid, long since dead, who was the guy currently walking around?
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
"Feh I say, well that explains the monogomy." said Tamper, as he pulled out quaint looking device labeled Shapeshifting Alien Detector.
"I suspect the leadership of our organization and replaced by Skrulls or Star Trek Changelings or perhaps Durlans with mysterious motives. This also explains why our leader and his deputies haven't been seen lately."
Sending the painful burst of energy from the device he zaps the faraway party.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Hm, little do these fools suspect I'm an alien in disguise. Or perhaps, they're so used to the idea now, they don't care? Either way, that's cool for me. Not cool for them.
Posted by Iron Rat on :
--------Interlude---------
Can this shocking revelation possibly be true? And if it is, who's responsible? Can it possibly have anything to do with a certain Figure in the Shadows that was last seen running from a group of LMBPers? Hmmm...
--------End Interlude---------
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
<signals Hrun>
After months of planning, its all coming together...
Posted by Cobaltus Primus Augustus on :
<enters>
<sees imposter Cobalt Kid>
You!
<stabs him through the heart>
<imposter Cobalt Kid turns into a Durlan spy>
That's two in one year...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
<oh, brother--he's going to huge lengths to mask his culpability, now >
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
"But enough about them, let's talk about something interesting, ME!" squealed Lucy Pifflethwaite as ran her index finger down her neck, across the clavicle, and encircled her recently installed Howitzer breast, size D. Talk about deadly weapons ...
Posted by Giant Robotic Lesbian on :
I would be very interested in meeting this Lucy Pifflethwaite with her recently installed Howitzer breast, size D.
Posted by SharkLad on :
"Sadly," Cali offered, "she is already involved in a three-way relationship with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, GRL"
GRL grumbled ...
[ September 01, 2008, 08:44 AM: Message edited by: SharkLad ]
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
Lucy Pifflethwaite was more than a little miffed at the lack of attention she commanded with her previous post. "Time to up the ante. Let me tell you about my bazooka bum."
Posted by Legatus Ferrous Rodentus on :
Does it fire bazookas or resemble a bazooka, or is it bazooka-resistant?
Posted by SharkLad on :
Lucy glared at Stu. "What kind of question is that? Besides, my story is just an excuse for me to show off my ..."
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...Pifflethwaite!"
"Huh?" gasped Lardy. "Is 'Pifflethwaite' a euphamism for your..."
Posted by Legatus Ferrous Rodentus on :
Moral degeneracy!
The next person speaking that perverted word will be sentenced to hard labor in the potato mines!
Posted by Lard Lad on :
Uh...Pifflethwaite!
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
All I can say, is don't stand behind Miss Lucy when she bends over to touch her toes. Although, GRL might enjoy it.
Posted by SharkLad on :
GRL slapped Semi. "How dare you cast aspersions against my character!"
Stunned, Semi pulled out a huge ...
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
Whoopie cushion. If you can't beat 'em ...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...use a device that creates obnoxious, fakey fart simulations!
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
"Spoken like a true gentleman," said the mysterious one legged cloaked figure as she hopped out of the shadows with ...
Posted by Legatus Ferrous Rodentus on :
...a decided spring in her step!
She turned to Lard Lad with an inscrutable expression on her face, and said...
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
"You are luscious, what's your secret? Care to take me for a ride?"
Posted by Lard Lad on :
"Sure! I know you're missin' a leg--but I got an extra one you can use for a couple hours!"
Posted by Legatus Ferrous Rodentus on :
"I keep it in my dresser at home -- let me go fetch it!"
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
But wait... I'm tired. May I lean on you, "Extra Leg Man" while I wend my way home through this poorly lit alley? Oh my blessed Aunt Jessie's drawers, what is that ......
Posted by SharkLad on :
"Why, it's none other than the legendary Planetary Chance Machine! Let's use it to choose which of us gets to provide you with a third leg"
Lard Lad starts up the Planetary Chance Machine.
"Oh, there goes Venus. It hit Semi right in the ..."
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
jewels. Will he have to change his name to "Semi Transexual Filly"? or will a blast from Jupiter ....
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...suddenly make them the largest in the room?
"Uh-oh!" says Semi...
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your position, it's a blast from Uranus, which cancels the Venus effect and Semi's jewels are intact and unchanged. But what has become of one-legged hoppy girl? She's disappeared, but the wet tracks of her one foot lead to a 12 foot brick wall. "Where did she go?" wonders Lard Lard, suddenly realizing that he's missing his ....
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...left nut! "She took my @#$%ing left nut, guys! After her!!!!"
Suddenly...
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
... the intrepid pursuers were pelted by a plethora of left nuts raining from the second floor balcony of the brick tenement on the LEFT side of the alley. Lard Lad accidentally caught one in his teeth while he was uttering unmentionable expressions of dismay and ...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...was relieved to discover these were of the lugume variety and ate it.
"I'll clarify: the one-legged chick took my left testicle somehow! After her!!!"
But before they could pursue...
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
Lard Lad was stopped in his tracks by the recruiters of the Nut Eater Society, blocking his egress with membership applications. Lard Lad turned to the litigious iron rat and lifted his ....
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...leg. Then, he let out the most hellacious fart known to the history of mankind in the direction of the NES. They all fell unconscious.
"Hmm...pretty powerful peanut," he snickered.
STU said, "maybe we should interrogate one of them. What if they eat...er, all kinds of nuts, and they know where your testicle is being held?"
Later, one of the NES wakes up in the interrogation room.
"Now, where are you holding my left nut!"
<everyone laughs>
"Shut up!" Lardy growls and turns back to the interrogee. "Is the one-legged woman a part of your group, and do you know where she's taken my testicle?"
<blue fire sparkles from his eyes as he talks>
Cowering in fear, the interrogee says...
Posted by Legatus Ferrous Rodentus on :
"None of us took your freakin' nut! In fact, they were so small, we couldn't even find them. If your nut is in fact missing, the one you should really be pursuing is..."
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
.. Melissa Etheridge. She's well known for ...
Posted by Legatus Ferrous Rodentus on :
"...imploring total strangers to come to her window and crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon. I'll bet one of those window-crawlers aided and abetted Melissa Etheridge in the theft of your man-jewel!
In fact, isn't she standing right in the back of the room, or is that actually..."
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...Jon Bon Jovi?"
The person in question responded....
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...but the reply was drowned out by a massive explosion.
Semi exclaimed, "what was that?!?!"
Lardy closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment...
After a moment, they reopened wide, and he yelled, "explosion--at STU's mansion! LMBers, get over there...I'll scout ahead!"
Then, his loss forgotten for the moment, he disappears in a pop of Lard Force.
[ September 05, 2008, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: Lard Lad ]
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
The explosion at STU's mansion turned out to be nothing more than the simultaneous popping of 144 champagne corks to celebrate the arrival of STU's smart new sectional seating arrangement in natural heathered velvet for the informal drawing room. Yet ... there, smack in the middle of the chaise, was...
Posted by SharkLad on :
a testicle ...
"Eeeeew!" shrieked STU, "Who invited that?"
"Don't worry," comforted Lard Lad, "I know what to do with it."
"NOT SO FAST!" a voice bellowed.
The stunned LMBers turned in the direction of the bellowing. It was none other than ...
Posted by Legatus Ferrous Rodentus on :
Nads-Kicker Lass!
"That nad is mine. As mistress of all that pertains to nads-related injuries, I claim dominion over that property. What do you have to say to that?"
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
"Bite me!", sneered Lard Lass tucking the testicle back into its proper place, and with a might roar he soared out the bay window into the night, leaving behind ...
Posted by Masked STU on :
A stunned group of LWers, who were wondering why and how Lard Lad had become Lard Lass, and furthermore why this hermaphrodite was now fleeing the scene!
"The answer to that, my friends..."
Posted by Semi Transparent Fellow on :
[stepping out of continuity - I didn't even realize I had typed Lard Lass. I'm thinking some masked guy altered my post. Whatever, I can't stop laughing]
Posted by SharkLad on :
"is blowing in the wind."
"Speaking of breaking wind, something smells pretty awful actually ... I think someone might have died in the cork popping," exclaimed Semi.
"You're right," shrieked Stu, "One of our dear friends is dead! Long live ... "
Posted by Hot STU on :
"Cobalt Kid! Or, to be more precise, one of the myriad Cobalt Kid imposters -- yet another Durlan spy."
Everyone clustered around the body, which by now had reverted to its natural form.
"Which poses this interesting question," said Exnihil. "Where did 'Cobaltus Primus Augustus' go?"
Posted by SharkLad on :
"Yeah, where the hell did he go?"
"He's in the closet."
"Are you sure?"
"Check for yourself."
"Okay, don't mind if I ... HOLY SPROCK!"
Posted by Lad Boy on :
What?!? Did someone mention something about a closeted man in a gladiator costume?
![[No]](graemlins/shake.gif)
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