posted
"...For the Cobalt Kid of Earth 1. Once we have him capturing the SMB will be simplicity itself. Those fools will race to trade their lives for what they will believe is a reincarnation of one of their fallen heroes. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Meanwhile somewhere else although where that somewhere else is cannot be properly defined, mostly because it moves unpredictably, on a regular schedule, the Earth 4 Simply Amazing began his latest campaign to be admitted to the SMB. He's been rejected a record 9,476 times but he's persistant you see.
His latest plan involves introducing the SMP to to of their favorite holo-vision super-stars, Emma Peel and Synthia Potty-Mouth.
Unfortunately for him...
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Emma Peel was now a 60 year old "serious actress" and A Dame Commander of the Khundian Empire to boot. Whilst Synthia Potty Mouth was just an old boot.
"By Damm" thought Simply Amazing, who because the Universe had a sudden temporal and dimensional fart, had become a fat old rich man with a white mustache and a penchant for creating super hero teams. these old women will never do, I need some one seductive, sensual and sexy to bribe the SMB.
"perhaps we can help" said a female voice as if reading his mind.
From out of the shadows stepped two of the most fantastic women Simply Amazing had ever seen.
"Allow us to introduce ourselves" said one, "I am Lightning Lass and this is my companion Linda Lake, otherwise known as Dirty Talk Damsel"
Linda Walked across to Simply Amazing and whispered in his ear.
SA turned bright red and almost collapsed as his legs gave way.
"Wow!" he said, if you can do that to the SMB, I'll be sure to get in.
The two girls exchanged looks, it had worked they now had a way to infiltrate the SMB.
Meanwhile back in the space whale known as Horace....
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Portfolio Girl flew through space at top speed to return to the SMB head quarters. "Ekron himself! Jumpin' Catfish! How are we going to deal with this one?"
She had sent word to the SMB that she was coming and that it was an emergency. Apparently, Ratmage had collapsed earlier, and Seahorse was already worried that something was wrong, so the SMBers were already beginning to assemble. Still, she felt it neccessary to open her portfolio and send her pet frog Mickey ahead of her (one of her many Porfolio powers) to warn them.
------------------------
Meanwhile, Faraway Lad smiled at his mysterious friend. "We've done what we can now," began Far, "I only hope that we've pushed the SMB in the right direction."
"I agree," said the mysterious friend, "but I cannot reveal myself yet. I'm going to leave you now, old friend, and take care of some of my own business. Stay well." And suddenly, the mysterious figure left Faraway Lad's secret hiding place.
Far looked at the port in his hand, and quickly wondered what number glass he was drinking. Was it his fifth glass already? He thought he was going slow, but now it felt like he was getting tipsy.
"Better try a dark ale then," came a voice, as the Super Bartender of Space came out of the shadows, handing him a glass. "It'll clear your head up a little."
"Who are you?" said Far slowly, but then decided he'd rather have a glass of a dark ale before asking questions. After all, it looked so good. "This is good..." said Far after a large gulp.
"I'm glad," said the soft voice of the Bartender, his words feeling like they were magically lifting Far to another place. "Have another?" he said, to which Far nodded gentley.
------------
Over three hours later, Faraway was fast asleep, the port and beer combined with the drugs placed in them by the Super Bartender of Space doing its trick.
"Nice work," said the Stalker. "I knew I could get us here, but I was afraid you'd fail."
"Ha! I know my work well, and I know Faraway Lad. Still, I've never known anyone to drink so much port and ale. He'll be asleep for some time now, so we can return to Thora's labratory and begin the next phase of our plans."
"Yes, I'll enjoy it," said the Stalker, as the Bartender poured himself a beer. "Sadly, you will not." Suddenly, the Stalker took out his blasted, and shot the Super Bartender of Space through the back! "You impressed me with your abilities Bartender, and I feel bad about doing this. But still, the Trumpeter considered you a liability, and we can't risk anyone knowing our plans being caught. I'll see you someday again, most likely in hell."
And with that, the Stalker blasted the Super Bartender of Space through the face, ending his life. He scooped up Faraway Lad and made his way back to Thora's labratory, joining the rest of the Trumpeter's crew.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Dr. One came out to meet the LMBers returning from their mission. He was a little weary of bad news, since this was one of the rare times where there were very few LMBers on Legion World, leaving them very vulnerable. He knew that Abin Quank was making the rounds through the city and Minesurfer was on Monitor Duty, but he didn't think there were any other LMBers left.
He came forward to see Harbinger carrying Eryk Davis Ester, followed by Spellbinger, Cobalt Kid and Varalent.
"How is he?" asked Dr. One.
"He's acting very strange," said Harbinger. "He didn't recognize Vee and seemed to think Cobie was dead."
"I've used my power on him," added Spellbinger, "as did Cobalt, but all we can come up with is that this doesn't feel like EDE, even though it appears to be him beyond a shadow of a doubt."
"Interesting," said Dr. One. "Follow me, and we'll examine him."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
The SMB Satellite orbited the Earth, as Seahorse gazed out the window. She looked at Portfolio Girl's frog and nodded, evidently understanding what the magical frog had told her.
She turned to the assembled SMBers: Ratmage, Monkey-Eater Lad, Kid Heavyfeathers, Outdoor Miner, Atypical Lass, Sonnie Bloke, Satan Claws Cramer, Shark Lad and Insanity and Maddness. "It's not as many SMBers as I hoped it'd be," she thought to herself, "but it's hard getting everyone to the Satellite quickly. If only we have a more convienent and larger headquarters. Ha! We'd need a whole world for that!" she laughed.
"Ok everyone," she began, "Mickey has just told me some strange news, and I'm unsure what to make of it. But it seems like we're going to have a very serious problem..."
Just then, Portfolio Girl burst through into the room! "More serious than you think Sea!" she yelled, on the verge of hysteria. "Our greatest foes have united--"
Suddenly she was cut off by...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
Suddenly she was cut off by an unexpected visitor entering the room! Who was it, you ask? Well, that will soon be revealed...
_________________
EARTH-1
Doctor One sat EDE down in a rather uncomfortable chair in the examination room. As EDE lay back, he saw the large spectromorphogricator moving over him to scan his body.
"Jeepers! I don't like the looks of that machine!" he exclaimed. Suddenly his Luck Lord appeared!
The LMBers were taken aback by the Luck Lord's entrance. Cobie flew up to attack it, but was quickly diverted by the spectromorphogricator suddenly swinging wildly towards him. His magnetic powers held the spectromorphogricator in check.
Vee prepared to enter the fray as well, but the Luck Lord had disappeared before he could respond.
"What was that?" Vee asks.
"I dunno," Doctor One responds. "But it sure screwed up my spectromorphogricator!"
Unbenownst to all the LMBers, their EDE was at that very moment...
[ June 19, 2004, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
...having his mind read by Saturn Guy. "Something is very wrong with Eryk!" he exclaimed. "His memories are all wrong, they've got long-standing facts about the SMB totally off. He believes Cobie is still alive, Far away is an active member and people I've never heard of such as Varalent, Arachne and Kid Prime are members! Worse, he actually believes LardLad is still a member..." finished Saturn Guy, now in a whisper.
"Oh, poor Eryk..." said Linda Lake
"It must have been too much for him," said Marty. "He's finally cracked up."
"What are all of you talking about?! What is this?! I haven't cracked up, but it appears all of you have! Saturn Guy? Lightning Lass? What is going on here?!"
"Everyone calm down!" yelled Stupendous Mountain Lion. "You're over-reacting, all of you. This man is definately Eryk Davis Ester, Saturn Guy's mind-scan proves it. But his memories are all wrong, and even now he smells different. And you're overlooked something important..." began Stupendous Mountain Lion
"He's wearing a lil' nelly cap!" said Marty. "He never wears those anymore."
"And he hasn't said 'Jeepers' in over ten minutes!" added Twilightcrawler.
"Yes, he's not acting like our Eryk at all," finsihed the SML. The all looked at SML for a minute. "Maybe...he is not then," finished the SMBer.
"Jeepers!" said Eryk suddenly, shocked that he might be with a different LMB.
A new Luck Lord suddenly appeared! "Yes?" asked the Luck Lord, "how may I help you?"
Eryk thought for a second and said...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
"theres no place like home, theres no place like home"
With a flash, a bang and a wallop, EDE found himself in the Land of OZ, being chased down a yellow brick road by thousands of little flying monkeys!
Meanwhile back in Thoras Lab, Faraway Lad was still snoring away. The powerful drugs that the Bartender had placed in his drinks began to take effect. Fars stomach gave a rumble, then a gurgle. Shortly after this he lifted his leg a little and gave an almighty rasping fart.
Earth 9
The League of Extraordinary Message Board Posters headquarters was all that was left.
Professor Poverty stood up from his calculating machine.
"it is as I feared my friends, we are all that is left for Captain Seahorses submarine device was our last hope."
"No" gasped Willemina Cramer - Harker "it cant be" and she turned and buried her head into the strong masculine chest Lash La Rue her American paramour.
"well I aint f'ing staying here to f'ing die like you f'ing turds" said Mr Lard, the evil alter ego of the shy retiring Anthony Lad. And with that he ran out into the ensuing storm, shouting obscenities into the night sky, and then, like everyone else, he vanished.
Professor Poverty looked out into the storm, and wondered, as he had for so many times previously, why this storm, this damned storm that was destroying his world, smelled ever so faintly of Port and Dark ale. He would never know as the storm crashed into the headquarters and took Willemina and Lash. Then turned for him.....
Earth 1
Heads turned as the door to Doctor One's Lab burst open and in stormed a very pee'd off Harbinger who was holding a strangely bent Trumpet.
"do you know what this thing did" she thundered....
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
"do you know what this thing did?" she thundered...although before anyone said anything EDE of Earth-4 yelled at the top of his lungs!
Meanwhile, on Earth-4:
Portfolio Girl was suddenly cut off by Future, the SMBer with the power to have precognitive dreams! "SMBERS! BEWARE! THEIR IS DANGER COMING!"
"Jeez Future, we know," said Seahorse, "relax."
"I've seen it in my dream," said Future. "We're going to need the help of a girl in...another Earth...named...Amber..."
Suddenly, Portfolio Girl told them the story of what happened, and the SMBers began piecing together what they knew: the Trumpeter's crew, their plan, Ratmage fainting and Future's prediction! "We must hold hands!" said Ratmage, "and stare into the crystal in the center. Chant the words over and over...'Amber'...'Homecoming Queen'...
As they did, a connection between Earth-4 and Earth-1 began to spark inside the crystal ball...
-------------
The Stalker helped tie up Faraway Lad with Thora to in her labratory. Invisible Brainiac watched on from a small box, seeing a knocked out Far tied and drugged with a large gun pointing at him. Thora had plans for IB later, he knew that...
"Now!" yelled the Trumpter, as Glamour Puss, Golden Shower and Lard Lord watched with glee. Thora fired her dimensional nega-pulverizer omni-porter gun at Faraway, and it blasted right through him! He began to glow red hot, and suddenly a black hole appeared in his stomach, rapidly moving outward. Soon, they could make out stars and planets, as Faraway became a living entrance to another parrallel world...Earth-1!
"Hahahaha!" yelled the Trumpeter! "We have all of the Emerald Clothing of Ekron from this world, and now need to gather the Emerald body parts of Ekron from Earth-1! Then we must find the Emerald Nelly Cap of Ekron that left Earth-4 with the baby Amber on her journey to Earth-1 over fifteen years ago! Then we can bring back...Ekron himself! Hahahaha!"
As Lard Lord, Glamour Puss and Golden Shower headed for the warehouse of super-artifacts of space (where the LMB had put the captured Emerald body parts of Ekron after capturing them in the Ongoing Tag Thread in major battle months ago), the Stalker began hunting for Amber alongside Thora, who seemed strangely interested in the young girl.
The Trumpeter smiled. It was all coming together. Both worlds will die...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
...and suddenly, not in the way the Trumpeter expected, both worlds did die! Wave after wave of anti-matter suddenly engulfed both universes and everything in them. Unbeknownst to our heroes, some sort of crisis or something was going on that they were really only minor casualties in.
But fortunately for our heroes...
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Faraway Lad turned to Cobalt Kid and Invisible Brainiac.
"Welcome my friends" He said
IB looked around
"how, why? I should be dead with all the rest"
Faraway Lad smiled, "as I was, am and will be, a gateway between all possible dimensions and realities, I can control all aspects of reality. I decided that I could not allow someone as young as you to die. I brought you here to save you but you cannot stay here. I must find you an alternative world to live in"
And with that Faraway waved a hand and Invisible Brainiac found himself in his room on Legion world. The memory of his adventures in other realities fading quickly.
And now Cobalt my old friend, I have here someone very near and dear to you. From behind a doorway,a beautiful woman appeared.
"Hello Cobalt darling" she said and gave him a kiss.
"but...but..." stammered Cobalt "your dead"
"No I'm very much alive" said the woman, "Here feel" and she pressed Cobalt shaking hand against her large perfectly formed chest.
Tearing his eyes away from his beloved for a second Cobalt Kid asked Faraway.
"this is real isn't it, its not a fake or a robot or an android or something?" he asked.
"No Cobie" smiled Faraway "I know how much you loved Space Tart. So I have searched all of the alternative realities until I found her alive and as much in love with you as you remember. The two of you will return to Legion World to be together"
Faraway Lad gestured to a space warp forming to the left.
"you must go quickly as this opportunity will soon pass, never to be repeated"
As Cobalt and Spacey turn to go, Faraway Lad leaned towards them and said,
"Forgive me Cobalt, but I must remove all memory of this meeting, you and Space Tart will be together again but you will remain unsure how or why she returned to you."
Finally Cobalt and Space Tart passed through the warp and vanished from Faraway Lads view.
Turning to the Empty room, Faraway said
" OK Horace, Lets go and find a quiet corner of the galaxy to rest in"
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
"I'm sorry Darden," replied Horace, the previously shrouded figure that had been with Faraway of Earth-4 all along. "But that's not quite what I had planned."
Horace smiled and nodded. Unlike any other in the universe he could co-exist with all universes at the same time! "I came to both you and your Earth-4 counter-part with hopes that the knowledge I could give you would stop the Trumpeter. But your the love you feel for you colleagues is too great, and all you've done is try to make Cobalt Kid and Invisible Brainiac happy. Now I must undue this happiness you've given Cobalt and return this Space Tart, who is really from yet another Earth, to her proper place."
"In the meantime," continued 'Horace', "I will restore Earth-1 and Earth-4, although this will leave me completely drained. You must assemble the LMBers of Earth-1 and stop the evil Earth-4 villians. Then you must join the SMB of Earth-4, and together only both teams can hope to defeat Ekron and the anti-matter storm that is coming close to destroying all the Earths of the universe."
Faraway nodded, understanding that it was now up to him. "Who are you?" he asked the man who was called Horace.
"I am...a Stranger," said the man, as he pulled a dark blue cape over his shoulders and a dark blue top hat over his head. "Good luck."
---------------
What the Stranger did next was too cosmic for even Faraway to understand, but suddenly, the anti-matter storm was halted and Earth-1 and Earth-4 were restored exactly as they were.
"To LMB headquarters now," Far said to himself, "and then to bring the fight to this Trumpeter..."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Suddenly, Faraway Lad of Earth-1 woke back up in his room. The Phantom Stranger was nowhere in site, but he realized that time was brief and he needed to make the best of it.
Quickly, he burst through into the Monitor Room to see Spellbinder, Harbinger, Cobalt Kid, Varalent, Doctor One and what looked to be Eryk Davis Ester, all watching the monitors, where red skies were visible above the skyline.
“Hold friends, I have something important to tell you!”
“We know Far,” said Cobalt. “Eryk Davis Ester’s luck-lord was able to give us a small amount of information and Doctor One has pieced some more together. The universe is in grave danger.”
“More than you realize Cobalt,” said Far, suddenly sad that he was unable to give his old friend the peace of mind he had hoped by resurrecting Space Tart. “If this is a different EDE, then our own EDE must be on his Earth, Earth-4.”
“Then we were right,” said Cobalt, realizing that his theory on multiple Earths was correct.
“Yes, although only these two Earths are alive right now. We must restore the multiverse by defeating the Trumpeter. To do so, we must get to their Earth.”
“Too late,” said Vee somberly. They’re here, although I don’t know why.” The screen showed Lard Lord, Glamour Puss and Golden Shower, attacking the citizens of Legion World. It seems they’re after the Emerald body parts of Ekron. ---------- Unbeknownst to the LMBers, the Stalker had also arrived, and was currently hunting Homecoming Queen and Umber secretly for Thora. He located them shopping in the downtown district of Legion World, although they were also with…
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
Unbeknownst to the LMBers, the Stalker had also arrived, and was currently hunting Homecoming Queen and Umber secretly for Thora. He located them shopping in the downtown district of Legion World, although they were also with Thora of Earth-1! Why? Well, we'll get to that eventually!
Meanwhile, Lard Lord, Glamour Puss and Golden Shower had begun attacking the citizens of Legion World!
"Eeek!" cried one of the citizens.
"But why are the LMB attacking us? They're supposed to be our protectors!" cried another.
"You're stupid! All of you stupid!" cried yet another.
The citizens of Legion World were quite perplexed, for it appeared to them Lard Lad and Lucien Lad, two key members of the LMB, were attacking them!
Three citizens were frozen in terror as Lard Lord hurtled a massive metal sheet at them! Even more puzzled were they when that sheet suddenly stopped mid-air. But quickly they realized that was the work of their legendary hero Cobalt Kid!
After setting the metal sheet down harmlessly away from the crowd, Cobalt Kid flies over to confront the attacker.
"You make look like Lardlad, buddy," Cobie says, "But I know you're not him!"
"Help me, Cobie!" Lard Lord says. "They've taken control of my mind!"
"Could it be? Maybe Lardlad of this Earth has simply been placed under mind control by villains?"
Just then Lard Lord launches a massive Lard blast at him.
"Sucker!" he cries. "I used that same trick on our Cobalt Kid! I'm going to have as much fun killing you as I had him!"
"*Gasp!*" cried one of the citizens of Legion World. "If Cobalt is down, then what hope do we have?"
Meanwhile, Golden Shower was...
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Meanwhile, Golden Shower sprayed the crowd with thick yellow liquid, which burned their skin as it touched!
"Gasp!" yelled another citizen
"Not again!" yelled the waitress from Shameless Hussies.
"Stop right there, you pee-spraying, hussy-slut!" yelled Harbinger, leaping into the fray and punching Golden Shower directly in the mouth!
Abin Quank, the only other LMBer active on Legion World also joined them, scooping up the piss-burnt population of Legion World and bringing them to safety!
Varalent grabbed Cobalt, as Spellbinder tried to figure out a way to stop Lard Lord before things got too out of hand...
EDE of Earth-4 and Doctor One looked on, shaking their heads. "But where did Glamour Puss get off too?" asked the good doctor.
Little did they know that Glamour Puss had broken into the rusted shed of powerful artifacts, where the LMB kept all potential world-ending items. "It figures I'd have to do this myself," he said to himself, then adding, "it's so fab to have an interior monologue!" Grabbing the Emerald Body-Parts of Ekron, he quickly prepared to return to Earth-4 while Lard Lord and Golden Shower occupied the others!
Meanwhile, Umber, Amber and Thora of Eath-1 were trying on thigh-high leather boots...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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