posted
[Some LWers had observed STU acting oddly, very oddly indeed. But there wasn't any reason for concern... was there?
STU maintained that he was just a bit tired... tired and hungry. So very, very hungry.
So it was a growling stomach that led him to the kitchen of his abode, where he was rather surprised to find an unusual tome sitting on the counter. Its cover looked vaguely like leather, but had a disquieting texture and color. Puzzled at this artifact, which had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, STU walked up to it and read the cover.]
To Serve Legion Worlders
Well, this is right up my alley! As a former LW Leader and current MMB mod, I'm always looking for ways to serve my fellow message board posters. Just altruistic, I guess.
Let's open this intriguing volume and see what I find... Hey, it looks like a cookbook! Maybe I can whip up something that will satisfy this odd, gnawing hunger I've been having lately.
Recipe for a Dark Stew
Mmm... I love a good, hearty stew. Let's see what the ingredients are...
Feather of penguin Fin of shark Tentacle of squid Pelt of beaver Tail of rat Whiskers of fox* Fur of cat (male) Fur of cat (female)
*In a pinch, whiskers of a foxlike creature will do.
Well, these are all pretty commonplace ingredients. I wonder why I've never heard of this stew before... Wait, what's this last ingredient?
This Dark Stew has not been made in eons for lack of its rarest ingredient: the hair of a prized species long thought extinct. Their name is lost to history, but they are believed to closely resemble Terran koalas or bear cubs. They have fine, luxuriantly soft hair, and a pleasant temperament, but can be prone to fits of super-mayhem.
Hmm... well, that sounds familiar. Still, who'd want to eat a stew made out of... feathers, tentacles, tails, fur, and hair? It sounds kind of gross...
This stew, when ingested, will grant immortality and omnipotence. (It's also packed with nine essential vitamins and minerals, and part of a complete, balanced breakfast.)
Well! That does make this stew a bit more appealing. (Everyone needs a complete, balanced breakfast.) And most of these ingredients are pretty easy to obtain... who's going to miss a whisker or a snip of fur?
Note: Each of these ingredients, along with the sources from which they are derived, must be thrown into a boiling cauldron. The resulting stew must be fully eaten to take effect.
Oh! Hmm, well, I suppose that changes things. I can't very well go throwing sentient beings into a boiling cauldron, eh? And eating them? No, I guess not.
*sigh*
It's really too bad... a pity. Oh, well...
[STU reluctantly closes the book and walks away. He pauses for a moment at the doorway, gazing longingly at the book. His stomach rumbles. Then, he turns off the light, and closes the door behind him.]
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
[A few minutes later: the door opens, the lights are turned on. STU rushes back in, looking around furtively. He walks up to the book... reaches out...
Seconds pass...
STU glances around again, then quickly snatches up the cookbook, and quickly disappears.]
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
Still, one must admire the pomp and circumstance of it all. We'll at least have to get his side of the story. For all we know, it could actually be quite delicious!
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
This is crazy! My counterparts from Board-W and Board-E are out of control... STU-W's running amok trying to make this "Dark Stew" of his, and Iro--, er, Legatus Ferrous Rodentus thinks he's some kind of Caesar or Nero or something.
And now it seems Rody the Super-Rat's disappeared!
I need to do something... but what?
-------------------- The STU of Board-D.
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I would suggest finding a shelter, as Hrun's armies are inching ever closer to Legion World...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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