Eryk Davis Ester was first on the scene. He'd been waiting for this moment ever since his sources had told him that the aquatic-based criminal mastermind Dip-Thong had arrived on Legion World.
You see... EDE and Dip-Thong had a history. Once EDE had been known by the codename "Boy of 1000 Faces", and had been a member of the Light Brigade, allies to the LMB. He served on many heroic missions with the Light Brigade, but there was one abject failure that always bothered him-- Dip-Thong, whose string of hat robberies EDE had put an end to, but whom had alluded capture himself. EDE planned to make sure that didn't happen this time.
And so it was that when the LMB received the call that some of Monkey-Eater Lad's manipulations had been stolen from the Musuem of Legion-Arts, EDE rushed to the scene of the crime.
The first unusual thing he saw was...
Posted by Bevis on :
a little nelly blue hat almost exactly the same as his green one only not as good a colour. But since it was a *pastel* blue it was possibly a little more nelly, which in and of itself was enough of a shock but not as much of a shock as the fact that it was perched on the head (or what EDE assumed was the head) of a large orange slug wearing a pink bikini and large Saturn shaped ear-rings (best not to ask how they were attached to it's 'head', you really don't want to know). EDE gasped in surprise (and, to his secret shame, horror) at the sight that greeted his eyes. Another hat! Possibly even more nelly than his!
Oh, and that slug thing in a bikini too. That was sort of a surprise too. Usually you only got yellow slugs at this time of the year. He presumed it was something to do with them having to ripen or something. He wasn't a slug expert anyway. Which is possibly why he wasn't surprised when he heard a voice inside his head.
*Do not be alarmed* said the voice *I am the Shamelss-Hussy.... Of SLIME!, but I am here to help, you see...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...I know you're secretly Boy of 1,000 Faces, as well as Eryk Davis Ester!"
"Gee Willikers," said EDE! "How could a slug know that?"
A few minutes later, a slug with a robot arm slid down the wall and said.
"Hi Boy of 1,000 Faces!"
EDE replied, "*gulp*, that's two slugs who know that now!"
Finally, a third, dressed strangely like Cobalt Kid, said "Boy of 1,000 Faces! Welcome!"
Thus, EDE first met the Legion of Slug Heroes, who had journeyed to LW because...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
their home universe was being destroyed by the "auto - condementor"......
"yes earthling, it is true" said a green slug with wires trailing from its ...head?
"wowza" said EDE "who are you? and whats an "auto - condementor"
"thats Slugiac 5 the most intelligent slug in our universe" said the shamless hussy.
"and an auto condementor is a person, a human i may add, who automatically adds salt to any meal no matter what it tasets like" continued Slugiac.
"jillikers" said EDE " to slugs like you salt is...
Posted by Bevis on :
like cold sea water to me. It makes you shrivel up all small and wrinkly and useless".
Shameless Hussy gave EDE a slightly condescending look and said *That's you're excuse eh? Say it enough and you might believe it*
EDE scowled and the idea of finding some *really* big slug pellets flitted across his mind, but he got a hold of himself and realised he was nobler than that.
"But," EDE said " I can see how having salt sprinkled on you might be a problem for you slug-people-things, but why should that bother us? Salt will just make us... well, ever so slightly saltier. Not really that big a threat."
*Yes, that is true* said Shameless Hussy... Of SLIME!, *But you see the auto-condementor from our universe has a counterpart in yours. And he also hates us slug people, almost as much as he hates you. You see, you know him better as.... Salad Tosser Lord! (Or Lad. Our info on that wasn't quite clear)*
EDE gasped (again) and then stopped himself.
"Hang on", he said, "There's just one thing I don't understand. Why exactly is the Shameless Hussy wearing a little nelly cap anyway?"
And at teh very moment elsewhere...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
And at that very moment elsewhere, rich heiress Vienna Sheridan cooed at the idea that she was finally going to get back her infamous jeweled purse--estimated to be the most expensive bit of clothing accessory throughout space and time. In a fit of crazy gluttony, Vienna had ordered her rich parents to craft for the party girl over two years ago, but it was so beautiful, that her parents decided to put it on display on various art museums throughout the galaxy.
Now Vienna couldn't wait to get it back, as tonight was the last night it was on display. The Legion World Museum was the final stop and it didn't seem like anything could possibly ever go wrong with all these icky super-heroes around...
Meanwhile,...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Dip-thong stood watching the super jewelled purse….of space, from his secret hiding point.
“Fools” he thought as he watched the crowds gawping at the mega diamonds and emeralds encrusting the shopping bag that the purse was carried home in. “Soon they will gasp in awe as I Dip-thong, the galaxy’s most skilled thief will carry out the most audacious robbery of all time”
As he watched the various crowds of visitors to the super museum and the dozen or so Science police guards a wide smile spread across his face. A smile that faded as a door opened and in walked a trio of LMBP heroes. Dip-thong smiled even more as he saw Cobalt Kid, Head of Security and Bevis, wielder of the glam force (and a more glam object than the purse you would be hard pressed to find) enter, “those amateurs wont even know what hit them” he thought.
But the third person through the door wiped the smile of his face,
“No! it cant be, not him, not here”
as Eryk Davis Ester entered the room
“not the boy of 1,000 faces, not here”
EDE stopped as he entered the room; there was danger here, a major calamity waiting to happen. He looked around but could see nothing.
Shivering he stepped over to Dedman, who being cannon fodder was always a good first line of defence, especially given his current propensity for wearing red shirts.
“Deddy” said EDE we have a………………..
Posted by PolarBoy on :
Industrial dispute!!!
EDE looked around to realise there was a picket line of heroes holding placards and chanting "SCABS GO HOME"
"whats going on" cried EDE "Well" said Dedman "we have it on good authority that we are being replaced by a slug Legion from a parallel universe who are willing to work for nelly hats"
"I can explain" EDE began however he wanded too close to arms fall off boy carrying a heavy placard. In all the excitment Arms fall off boys arms did just that and EDE was knocked unconsus with the wayward placard bearing limbs.
As the crowd looked on at the limp form of EDE the truth became apparent "Look"........
[ February 18, 2005, 01:52 PM: Message edited by: PolarBoy ]
Posted by matlock on :
"...this crowd's going to have to disperse, people! We've got art here!" matlock, responding to a security summons from Cobalt Kid, narrowly evaded stepping on EDE's inert form upon entering the museum. "Eww, we've got slugs, too? Somebody get housekeeping down here!"
"No wait!" exclaimed the Shameless Hussy... of SLIME as she raced to EDE's side at top slug speed, which wasn't very fast actually. "As I was just explaining to" Unfortunately at that moment Vienna Sheridan stepped into the room as well, causing the assembled art lovers, papparazzi, protesters and slugs to gasp in astonishment at her...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
shining Emerald encrusted gown, high stappy Belinger Heels. Her ravishing long blond hair was swept up tighly, high on her head, but the most shocking thing was the little green nelly cap she wore.
Looking around at the appreaciative glances, that came her way as of right, she noticed the Shamless Husssy ... of SLIME.
"eeeek" she screamed "thats just Ikky"
Taking advantage of the crowds distraction, Dip-thong made his move. ........
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...Meanwhile, another antagonist to the LMB made his move: Deathstroke Kid, who had made his way to Legion World in an as of yet unrevealed LMB tale, was currently hiding out on the outskirts of the great city.
His goal: the utter destruction of the Statue of the Unknown Lurker...and the hope of creating discension among the lurking class. The idea of a lurking class revolt on Legion World appealed to him, specifically because it would bring down the posters he hated the most, Lightning Lad and Nightcrawler.
As Deathstroke Kid made his move into the capital city, more action was taking place on the other side of the city as...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Lardlad and Shadowplay-in-Candlelight Lass were starring as themselves in a new holovid about the founding of the LMB!
"Cut!" calls the Director. "You are ruining my vision! You, Lardlad, are supposed to be shy and timid and afraid of beautiful women! And you, Shadowplay, are supposed to be domineering and contemptuous of all other sentients! You have totally got your characters wrong!"
"But..." Shady replies, "we're playing ourselves. This is how we are, not like the way you describe..."
"You, my dear, do not understand that I am an artiste! I envision you as you are, but not as you are!"
"What the f---?" Lardy responded.
Just then...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
A faint, slightly green shimmer of light, like a cross between a transporter beam and, oh, I dunno, G'nort's power wake, bathed the immediate area. Once the director and his crew's vision cleared, they beheld two giant slugs in Lardlad and Shady's costumes!
"Cut, cut, CUT!!!" bellowed the furious director. "Who ordered these giant slugs on the set!?!"
Princess Sneckie, who just happened to be working on the set as a key grip, raised her head, licking her lips with her long forked tongue, and purred, "Well, now that you mention it..."
"Oh, that's just gross," the director said. "Security, will you get these vile creatures off of my set?"
"Did you hear whet he just called us?" Shady Slug asked."
"Excuse me, are you talkin' ta me!!!??!!" Lardslug bellowed!
"Now, now, cretins, don't make a big dramatic scene of this," Captain Lightbulb, who had allen on hard times since the cancellation of his talk show and had taken a job as the lot security guard. "And do you mind telling me what you have done with Lardlad and Shadowplay in Candlelight?"
"Oh, we haven't done anything with them," LardSlug chortled. "As a matter of fact, you might say that they've been... perfected." His bulging eyebulbs sitting atop his antennae-like head appendages began to glow a bright green.
"Wait... what are you..." Capt. Lightbulb began, but was silenced as he was enveloped in the bright green beams emitting from LardSlug's eyestalks.
"Hey, Mr. Director, I don't see what your problem is... these fine folk are just trying to act this scene for you," Slug Lightbulb turned around to glare at the director.
"What the hell is this!?!" the director screamed.
"It's a brand new you, dear," Shady Slug said as she blasted the director with an obscene green glow.
"Right, then," the directoslug oozed calmly back into his dirctor's chair. "Can we just take it from the top, then?"
Meanwhile, back at LMB headquarters...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, back at LMB headquarters, Cobalt Kid was on monitor duty with Space Tart and his Supergirl Robot, which means that basically no one was watching the monitors!
If he looked up from the throws of exctasy occuring on the floor, he would have seen the image of Future and High Priestess Viviane jumping up and down trying to get his attention (he muted the monitors), as a giant meteor was heading towards Legion World, and would consume the entire planet!
Suddenly, Vee and Kid Prime, who thought it would be fun to watch some strait sex, realized what was happening and burst out of the closet...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
... and fell to the floor, unnoticed by Cobalt Kid and his harem.
"So, that was kinda hot, huh?" Kid Prime asked as be brushed himself off.
"Yeah, I guess, if you're into that sort of... Holy Crap in a Hat! Look at the monitor!" Vee yelled.
Kid Prime paled as he saw the image of the giant meteor hurtling toward LMB headquarters. "Oh no, it's going to hit us! There's no time for me to use my power of super-transformation!"
Vee took a deep breath. "I only have one shot at this..." His brow furrowed in deep concentration as he focused his size-changing powers on the meteor.
"It's working! You're shrinking it!" Kid Prime shouted.
"Never... shrunk... this much... before," Vee mumbled in pain as he began so sweat profusely. "Don't... know... if... I can... take the.. strain..." Vee's eyes widened in horror as the meteor shrunk into nothingness. Suddenly, the space station began to lurch forward!
"Whu... wha's going on..." Cobalt Kid moaned in post-coital bliss. "Usually, when I rock the house, it doesn't rock the house this much!"
The exhausted Vee breathed, "I used too much of my powers! Shrinking that large an object created a space-time vortex which is drawing us into its maw! We're... we're..."
But we don't get to find out what happens to Cobie, KP, Vee, Spacey, and the Supergirl Android yet, as at that point the space station hit the event horizon and winked out into nothingness. Or at least was transported a long, long way away.
So, back at the Legion World Museum...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
So, back at the Legion World Museum, Vienna Sheridan noticed the Shameless Hussy of....SLIME and gave a quick "gross...*tee hee*".
As Matlock frantically pushed the crowd back from a full-scale riot, as Dedman and Lucien Lad joined him.
“People, people!” he yelled. “Listen up!” Nothing seemed to be working. Suddenly he barked “There are free donuts at Legion World Square down the street, and they’re the ones with the sprinkles!” Quickly, people charged down the street for donuts, except one grumpy looking guy, to which Matt added “Munchkins too!”
Well, that worked, he said turning around, only to see Dedman running down the street, “Deddy, where ya’ going?”
“Didn’t you hear? There’s donuts!”
EDE watched on, glad his fellow LMBers were taking care of that. Vienna Sheridan shot him a smile. “Nice hat,”
“J-J-Jeepers!” replied EDE
Dip-Thong watched on from the shadows. “Let my most hated enemy get enamored by that trollop! Now I can make my move, which they’ll never suspect…” Quietly, Dip-Thong pulled his ‘thieving kit of subtle tools no one will ever notice’ and reached for the bazooka...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
As he unwrapped the Bazzoka Joe bubble gum and thoughtfully popped it into his mouth chewing slowly.
as his lips pursed, he blew a huge pink bubble.
"watcha doin Mista" said the obligitory comedy kid, pulling at his sleeves.
the shock caused Dip Thong to bite through the bubble gum and release the giant bubble which stickly rolled down into the museum. as it rolled it picked up, like little bits of carpet fluff, the Shammless hussey of Slime, Vienna Sheridan and EDE leaving them all trapped and helpless in a sticky pink mess.
"Well" said Dip-Thong, "not quite what I intended but it'll do"
And with that he.........
Posted by Bevis on :
removed all his clothes and began to do a little dance. He couldn't stop himself, he danced and he danced and he danced. And then he stopped, but didn't put his clothes back on. Instead he dropped to the ground and started moaning loudly.
No, not because of *that*, because of something else. Something that no-one would have expected...
Posted by matlock on :
Rolling weakly onto his side, trying to find the cause of his agony, Dip Thong saw none other than Infectious Slug, of the Legion of Sustitute Slugs. "That little case of St. Vitus Dance ought to keep you out of more mischief" Infectious Slug said with a laugh.
matlock quickly kicked Dip Thong's thieve's kit/snack assortment out of the beleaguered villains reach. He'd avoided the Bazooka Gum trap because he'd got swept up in the free donut stampede, having forgotten it was his own ruse in the first place. Turning to the pink gumwad trap he...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Turning to the pink gumwad, he saw his most hated enemy, J. Jeffrey Seagrams, the publisher who used to make the general public believe Matlock was a menace in the early years of his career!
“Poppin’ Planets!” said Matlock, “What the heck is JJS doing here? He’s never believed I was a hero in my forty years of Super-heroing, but I never thought he’d follow me to Legion World!” Quickly, Matlock used his web-shooters (he, er, has web-shooters, you know…) to web up his old nemesis with a quick laugh, “take that flat-top, for old times sake!”
As Matlock turned to see how EDE, Vienna and the Super Hussy of Slime were doing, he saw…