Topic: To Catch a Space-Thief! (An LMB Tag-team tale!)
Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
Eryk Davis Ester was first on the scene. He'd been waiting for this moment ever since his sources had told him that the aquatic-based criminal mastermind Dip-Thong had arrived on Legion World.
You see... EDE and Dip-Thong had a history. Once EDE had been known by the codename "Boy of 1000 Faces", and had been a member of the Light Brigade, allies to the LMB. He served on many heroic missions with the Light Brigade, but there was one abject failure that always bothered him-- Dip-Thong, whose string of hat robberies EDE had put an end to, but whom had alluded capture himself. EDE planned to make sure that didn't happen this time.
And so it was that when the LMB received the call that some of Monkey-Eater Lad's manipulations had been stolen from the Musuem of Legion-Arts, EDE rushed to the scene of the crime.
The first unusual thing he saw was...
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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a little nelly blue hat almost exactly the same as his green one only not as good a colour. But since it was a *pastel* blue it was possibly a little more nelly, which in and of itself was enough of a shock but not as much of a shock as the fact that it was perched on the head (or what EDE assumed was the head) of a large orange slug wearing a pink bikini and large Saturn shaped ear-rings (best not to ask how they were attached to it's 'head', you really don't want to know). EDE gasped in surprise (and, to his secret shame, horror) at the sight that greeted his eyes. Another hat! Possibly even more nelly than his!
Oh, and that slug thing in a bikini too. That was sort of a surprise too. Usually you only got yellow slugs at this time of the year. He presumed it was something to do with them having to ripen or something. He wasn't a slug expert anyway. Which is possibly why he wasn't surprised when he heard a voice inside his head.
*Do not be alarmed* said the voice *I am the Shamelss-Hussy.... Of SLIME!, but I am here to help, you see...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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...I know you're secretly Boy of 1,000 Faces, as well as Eryk Davis Ester!"
"Gee Willikers," said EDE! "How could a slug know that?"
A few minutes later, a slug with a robot arm slid down the wall and said.
"Hi Boy of 1,000 Faces!"
EDE replied, "*gulp*, that's two slugs who know that now!"
Finally, a third, dressed strangely like Cobalt Kid, said "Boy of 1,000 Faces! Welcome!"
Thus, EDE first met the Legion of Slug Heroes, who had journeyed to LW because...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
their home universe was being destroyed by the "auto - condementor"......
"yes earthling, it is true" said a green slug with wires trailing from its ...head?
"wowza" said EDE "who are you? and whats an "auto - condementor"
"thats Slugiac 5 the most intelligent slug in our universe" said the shamless hussy.
"and an auto condementor is a person, a human i may add, who automatically adds salt to any meal no matter what it tasets like" continued Slugiac.
"jillikers" said EDE " to slugs like you salt is...
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
like cold sea water to me. It makes you shrivel up all small and wrinkly and useless".
Shameless Hussy gave EDE a slightly condescending look and said *That's you're excuse eh? Say it enough and you might believe it*
EDE scowled and the idea of finding some *really* big slug pellets flitted across his mind, but he got a hold of himself and realised he was nobler than that.
"But," EDE said " I can see how having salt sprinkled on you might be a problem for you slug-people-things, but why should that bother us? Salt will just make us... well, ever so slightly saltier. Not really that big a threat."
*Yes, that is true* said Shameless Hussy... Of SLIME!, *But you see the auto-condementor from our universe has a counterpart in yours. And he also hates us slug people, almost as much as he hates you. You see, you know him better as.... Salad Tosser Lord! (Or Lad. Our info on that wasn't quite clear)*
EDE gasped (again) and then stopped himself.
"Hang on", he said, "There's just one thing I don't understand. Why exactly is the Shameless Hussy wearing a little nelly cap anyway?"
And at teh very moment elsewhere...
-------------------- Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
And at that very moment elsewhere, rich heiress Vienna Sheridan cooed at the idea that she was finally going to get back her infamous jeweled purse--estimated to be the most expensive bit of clothing accessory throughout space and time. In a fit of crazy gluttony, Vienna had ordered her rich parents to craft for the party girl over two years ago, but it was so beautiful, that her parents decided to put it on display on various art museums throughout the galaxy.
Now Vienna couldn't wait to get it back, as tonight was the last night it was on display. The Legion World Museum was the final stop and it didn't seem like anything could possibly ever go wrong with all these icky super-heroes around...
Meanwhile,...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Dip-thong stood watching the super jewelled purse….of space, from his secret hiding point.
“Fools” he thought as he watched the crowds gawping at the mega diamonds and emeralds encrusting the shopping bag that the purse was carried home in. “Soon they will gasp in awe as I Dip-thong, the galaxy’s most skilled thief will carry out the most audacious robbery of all time”
As he watched the various crowds of visitors to the super museum and the dozen or so Science police guards a wide smile spread across his face. A smile that faded as a door opened and in walked a trio of LMBP heroes. Dip-thong smiled even more as he saw Cobalt Kid, Head of Security and Bevis, wielder of the glam force (and a more glam object than the purse you would be hard pressed to find) enter, “those amateurs wont even know what hit them” he thought.
But the third person through the door wiped the smile of his face,
“No! it cant be, not him, not here”
as Eryk Davis Ester entered the room
“not the boy of 1,000 faces, not here”
EDE stopped as he entered the room; there was danger here, a major calamity waiting to happen. He looked around but could see nothing.
Shivering he stepped over to Dedman, who being cannon fodder was always a good first line of defence, especially given his current propensity for wearing red shirts.
“Deddy” said EDE we have a………………..
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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EDE looked around to realise there was a picket line of heroes holding placards and chanting "SCABS GO HOME"
"whats going on" cried EDE "Well" said Dedman "we have it on good authority that we are being replaced by a slug Legion from a parallel universe who are willing to work for nelly hats"
"I can explain" EDE began however he wanded too close to arms fall off boy carrying a heavy placard. In all the excitment Arms fall off boys arms did just that and EDE was knocked unconsus with the wayward placard bearing limbs.
As the crowd looked on at the limp form of EDE the truth became apparent "Look"........
posted
"...this crowd's going to have to disperse, people! We've got art here!" matlock, responding to a security summons from Cobalt Kid, narrowly evaded stepping on EDE's inert form upon entering the museum. "Eww, we've got slugs, too? Somebody get housekeeping down here!"
"No wait!" exclaimed the Shameless Hussy... of SLIME as she raced to EDE's side at top slug speed, which wasn't very fast actually. "As I was just explaining to" Unfortunately at that moment Vienna Sheridan stepped into the room as well, causing the assembled art lovers, papparazzi, protesters and slugs to gasp in astonishment at her...
From: Douglasville, GA | Registered: Jul 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
shining Emerald encrusted gown, high stappy Belinger Heels. Her ravishing long blond hair was swept up tighly, high on her head, but the most shocking thing was the little green nelly cap she wore.
Looking around at the appreaciative glances, that came her way as of right, she noticed the Shamless Husssy ... of SLIME.
"eeeek" she screamed "thats just Ikky"
Taking advantage of the crowds distraction, Dip-thong made his move. ........
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
...Meanwhile, another antagonist to the LMB made his move: Deathstroke Kid, who had made his way to Legion World in an as of yet unrevealed LMB tale, was currently hiding out on the outskirts of the great city.
His goal: the utter destruction of the Statue of the Unknown Lurker...and the hope of creating discension among the lurking class. The idea of a lurking class revolt on Legion World appealed to him, specifically because it would bring down the posters he hated the most, Lightning Lad and Nightcrawler.
As Deathstroke Kid made his move into the capital city, more action was taking place on the other side of the city as...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Eryk Davis Ester
Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe!
posted
Lardlad and Shadowplay-in-Candlelight Lass were starring as themselves in a new holovid about the founding of the LMB!
"Cut!" calls the Director. "You are ruining my vision! You, Lardlad, are supposed to be shy and timid and afraid of beautiful women! And you, Shadowplay, are supposed to be domineering and contemptuous of all other sentients! You have totally got your characters wrong!"
"But..." Shady replies, "we're playing ourselves. This is how we are, not like the way you describe..."
"You, my dear, do not understand that I am an artiste! I envision you as you are, but not as you are!"
"What the f---?" Lardy responded.
Just then...
From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003
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A faint, slightly green shimmer of light, like a cross between a transporter beam and, oh, I dunno, G'nort's power wake, bathed the immediate area. Once the director and his crew's vision cleared, they beheld two giant slugs in Lardlad and Shady's costumes!
"Cut, cut, CUT!!!" bellowed the furious director. "Who ordered these giant slugs on the set!?!"
Princess Sneckie, who just happened to be working on the set as a key grip, raised her head, licking her lips with her long forked tongue, and purred, "Well, now that you mention it..."
"Oh, that's just gross," the director said. "Security, will you get these vile creatures off of my set?"
"Did you hear whet he just called us?" Shady Slug asked."
"Excuse me, are you talkin' ta me!!!??!!" Lardslug bellowed!
"Now, now, cretins, don't make a big dramatic scene of this," Captain Lightbulb, who had allen on hard times since the cancellation of his talk show and had taken a job as the lot security guard. "And do you mind telling me what you have done with Lardlad and Shadowplay in Candlelight?"
"Oh, we haven't done anything with them," LardSlug chortled. "As a matter of fact, you might say that they've been... perfected." His bulging eyebulbs sitting atop his antennae-like head appendages began to glow a bright green.
"Wait... what are you..." Capt. Lightbulb began, but was silenced as he was enveloped in the bright green beams emitting from LardSlug's eyestalks.
"Hey, Mr. Director, I don't see what your problem is... these fine folk are just trying to act this scene for you," Slug Lightbulb turned around to glare at the director.
"What the hell is this!?!" the director screamed.
"It's a brand new you, dear," Shady Slug said as she blasted the director with an obscene green glow.
"Right, then," the directoslug oozed calmly back into his dirctor's chair. "Can we just take it from the top, then?"
Meanwhile, back at LMB headquarters...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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Meanwhile, back at LMB headquarters, Cobalt Kid was on monitor duty with Space Tart and his Supergirl Robot, which means that basically no one was watching the monitors!
If he looked up from the throws of exctasy occuring on the floor, he would have seen the image of Future and High Priestess Viviane jumping up and down trying to get his attention (he muted the monitors), as a giant meteor was heading towards Legion World, and would consume the entire planet!
Suddenly, Vee and Kid Prime, who thought it would be fun to watch some strait sex, realized what was happening and burst out of the closet...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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... and fell to the floor, unnoticed by Cobalt Kid and his harem.
"So, that was kinda hot, huh?" Kid Prime asked as be brushed himself off.
"Yeah, I guess, if you're into that sort of... Holy Crap in a Hat! Look at the monitor!" Vee yelled.
Kid Prime paled as he saw the image of the giant meteor hurtling toward LMB headquarters. "Oh no, it's going to hit us! There's no time for me to use my power of super-transformation!"
Vee took a deep breath. "I only have one shot at this..." His brow furrowed in deep concentration as he focused his size-changing powers on the meteor.
"It's working! You're shrinking it!" Kid Prime shouted.
"Never... shrunk... this much... before," Vee mumbled in pain as he began so sweat profusely. "Don't... know... if... I can... take the.. strain..." Vee's eyes widened in horror as the meteor shrunk into nothingness. Suddenly, the space station began to lurch forward!
"Whu... wha's going on..." Cobalt Kid moaned in post-coital bliss. "Usually, when I rock the house, it doesn't rock the house this much!"
The exhausted Vee breathed, "I used too much of my powers! Shrinking that large an object created a space-time vortex which is drawing us into its maw! We're... we're..."
But we don't get to find out what happens to Cobie, KP, Vee, Spacey, and the Supergirl Android yet, as at that point the space station hit the event horizon and winked out into nothingness. Or at least was transported a long, long way away.
So, back at the Legion World Museum...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
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