Please discuss all fanfics in the LSH v.3 Alternate Timeline thread in this thread.
Your comments are very much appreciated. I want to bring back the feel of the old Legion Outpost, complete with periodic polls voting for leader, etc.
Thanks in advance.
Posted by Set on :
Love the use of Quislet (I hate the character, but possessing a bunch of Manhunters and turning them into a single giant robot to smash the others sounds *exactly* like something he'd do!). A brief showing, but spot-on characterization.
I couldn't help but notice that you've given Phantom Girl a bit of a power up (adding in Kitty Prydes ability to scramble machinery and some sort of shock-people-from-within power). From a writing standpoint, it's probably a lot easier than describing her reaching into Manhunters and ripping out vital components, or punching people in the kidneys.
Posted by Stealth on :
Re: Quislet, there are few things more satisfying for a fanfic writer than a reader enjoying a scene with a character they normally don't like. Thanks, Set, you really made my day.
Re: Phantom Girl, I figured that since Levitz had borrowed something hokey from the X-Men (Invisible Kid II's ridiculous speech patterns), then I would borrow something cool from the X-Men. And yes, it is easier to write, too.
I figured there would be more comments by now. PLEASE comment on this story if you've read it. If you didn't like the story, that's all the MORE reason to post a comment -- I can take criticism, and I believe criticism makes for better writing.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
Always happy to see Tasmia in a story, and acting appropriately regal - her somewhat stiff syntax, her disdain for tipsy Nura. Trust you to bring in Lyssa Drak! I really suspect she's an irredeemable lunatic at this point. If she has become "one with Parallax", is she no longer Lyssa? Just speculating on what her destiny may now be.
It was also good to see Jan described as one of the Legion's big guns, since the character and his powers have been so under-used, or misdirected, since Legion Lost. I hope he sees some action and doesn't just act as adviser to Brek.
The initial attack was handled quite easily by the Legionnaires. Did Krona really not do his homework, or was he using that as some diversion?
I think this is the first time I've read Quislet's voice described, as squeaky. That makes sense; I guess I figured it to be like Mickey Mouse, but you seem to suggest something even higher or more mechanical. A minor detail, but it really stuck out for me.
Posted by Harbinger on :
Great use of Imra - you have her character spot on! Tough, determined, cool and relentless. As much as this is an alternate version I really hope this isn't the end for her! Jans total faith in her judgement is spot on too, I always thought if anything happened to Garth then those two would eventually get together. You chose a great group to face the initial attack, good mix of old and new, though tey did seem to defeat Kronas army easily, or at least with no damage to themselves.
Krona as a villain - a great choice, he's about right for the Legion to face, all omnipotent and nasty and just about understandable. I like how you used him to corrupt the Oans into a civil war too.
I have no real idea who Lyssa is or what the Parallax represents - I know the names so must have read something somewhere but the details have slipped, oh well. Looking forward to hearing about them.
Good stuff Stealth, more, more, more!
Posted by Vee on :
Excellent read, Stealth. I really enjoyed how you intertwined Oa, Parallax, the Qwardians, Manhunters etc with Krona and tied them to the Legion through Universo.
I agree with Harbinger that the Legionnaires seemed to have too easy a time when facing that armada. After all each of those groups should have been a challenge for the Legion by themselves particularly in the numbers you seemed to indicate.
Loved Quislet, your use of his power, and your portrayal of his personality. He still makes me smile every time he appears.
The only portrayal that seems a bit off to me is that of Brek. For some reason he doesn't "sound" right to me but that's my only real complaint.
Can't wait to read more.
Posted by Stealth on :
Cramer, glad you liked Tasmia's portrayal -- she is by far who I enjoy writing most; all I can say about Lyssa without spoiling too much is that she has a very interesting future ahead of her; regarding Jan, he will definitely see action in the next-after-next issue; as for Quislet's voice, I "hear" it less like Mickey Mouse and more like a certain squeaky/nasal voice that the great voice actor Frank Welker has done several variations of -- as Uni on Dungeons and Dragons, Slimer on The Real Ghostbusters, Wheelie on Transformers, and Scooter on GoBots.
Harbi, thanks for the positive feedback on Imra and Jan -- they were both extremely challenging for me to write, she as someone I had trouble warming up to for the longest time, he as one of the most complex and universally beloved Legionnaires; there will be more backstory on Lyssa and Parallax next issue.
Vee, always glad to find out someone else is a Quislet fan -- he always makes me smile, too; regarding Brek, I admit I'm still finding his voice; I am a fan of his, but since Levitz's run declined in quality just as he got the spotlight, I don't feel I have a lot of reference to draw from; I can say that my long-term plan is for him to really face up to the challenges ahead and come out on top, instead of falling to pieces like he did during Levitz's run.
I'm glad you all like the use of Krona and other elements of the Lantern mythos -- I wanted to do for them what Levitz did for the New Gods mythos.
Finally, the Legion's easy defeat of the armada was deliberate on my part, and had a two-fold purpose -- to show how hard the Legion can kick ass, and at the same time to get the Legion overconfident as Lyssa/Parallax approaches.
Posted by Set on :
quote:Originally posted by Stealth: regarding Brek, I admit I'm still finding his voice; I am a fan of his, but since Levitz's run declined in quality just as he got the spotlight, I don't feel I have a lot of reference to draw from; I can say that my long-term plan is for him to really face up to the challenges ahead and come out on top, instead of falling to pieces like he did during Levitz's run.
I could see him growing (positively) in one of two ways;
1) He gets the Legion off of the pedastal and lightens up, a lot. (Which is where the excitable goofball Polar Boy that Geoff Johns invented seems to be.)
2) Something about his uptight demeanor inspires some of the old-school Legionnaires, and, in the process of adapting to the team, the team adapts to him, becoming just a little bit shinier in the process.
Posted by Stealth on :
Thank you, Set. We are definitely on the same wavelength as far as Brek goes.
Looking forward to comments about the new "issue."
Posted by Set on :
Random thoughts, spoilered for no particular reason; Click Here For A Spoiler You have a knack for dealing with characters I know little or nothing of, such as Lyssa Drak and Ion and Parallax. Much as with Geoff Johns work on Legion of Three Worlds, I was a bit spun by how much was going on with people from the 20th century I don't really know that well. Krona, I at least recognize from JLA/Avengers and past appearances. A little more descriptive text might have helped to get a mental picture of some of these characters (although I could just as easily Google them, to find out what Lyssa Drak and Parallax look like, for instance).
Things moved very, very quickly. Parts felt like you were writing the text for accompanying images, which would have made for some neat visuals, with the clashing energy constructs. (Get Sketch Lad or Joeboy to work on the images!) Indeed, the bit about Ion splitting from Rond Vidar escaped me until I re-read it. The end, with Rond talking to the others confused me on the first reading, as I thought he'd, as Ion, left with Parallax. (I also, not knowing anything about Kyle Rayner's time as Ion, didn't know that Ion was a separate entity. I thought it was just a name that Kyle used! Bizarre that Kyle Rayner is my favorite Earth GL, and yet I know so little about what's happened to him since then.)
You focus more on characters emotions and personality making the difference, than on their powers. That's a neat storytelling choice, and a strong one. When Dawnstar urged to be joined with Wildfire's mind, I was expecting her to use her powers to find him a path to freedom (possibly by blasting out of his suit and taking a jaunt through Teall or something), but instead she just tells him that she loves him. Similarly, Tasmia's given a heap of new power, but then told that what she really needs to save the day is love (or, perhaps more accurately, empathy and compassion, two traits that Shady hasn't traditionally valued over the measured application of naked aggression...).
It's an interesting storytelling choice, and one that's completely different than the sort of thing I would have done, since I'm more of a technical 'clever use of powers' sort of guy (which is a limitation on my part, not a criticism of your choice!).
Posted by Harbinger on :
You have a very exciting writing style Stealth, I wish I could keep a pace going that fast! I'm exhausted after reading it Full-on-high-throttle-maximum-octane adventure! GREAT STUFF!
Like Set I'm afraid some of the characters are new to me but that didn't stop my enjoyment only added to it as I wondered what would happen next.
I really liked Saturn Girl challenging Krona with "I've faced Darkseid before" and Krona's dismissal of her- nicely written intelligent character moments are always a treasure in the middle of a good fight!
I'd love to see you tackle some different Legionnaires in the spotlight - Tellus would be interesting, Dawnstar (who motivated Wildfire perfectly with the "I love you" comment) and Element Lad would also be appreciated though of course anything you want to write and post here would be most welcome!
More, more and lots more please!
[ October 13, 2009, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Harbinger ]
Posted by Stealth on :
Set, my intention was to do a Great Darkness Saga type story (albeit compressed into two issues), where the 20th/21st Century elements wouldn't overwhelm the Legion the way I feel they did in Lo3W. I agree that I could have put in more descriptive text. For example, Ion looks like a giant flying fish, and his constructs would have been fish eating Parallax's insect constructs. I'm very glad you suggested Sketchy or Joeboy (or any & all of the great artistic talents here at Bits) drawing scenes from my stories -- I'd love that, and I hope they do. Thanks, too, for your observations about my favoring the use of characters' emotions & personalities over their powers; I'm a great believer that emotion is what saves us all in the end, and in Tasmia's case, she's not only grown in power but as a kinder sentient being.
Harbi, one of the characters you requested the spotlight on has a wedding coming up in the near future, but I'm a fan of all three, and they'll all get their turn eventually. Unlike with my previous fanfic projects, I'm trying not to plan too far ahead, to keep it fresh and spotaneous and to help avoid burnout. Thank you for your praise of the confrontation between Imra and Krona, I'm proud of it.
Keep the comments coming, folks.
Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
Sorry it took almost three years for the next issue -- better late than never, right? Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
I really love your pacing, FL. You manage to sneak in character development in many less words than most other writers would take.
I especially like your powering-up of Shadow Lass; and I've found you make Mon-El much more interesting than almost any LSH writer ever has. I also applaud your writing the Legionnaires as extremeply competent in using their powers.
And the references to L.E.G.I.O.N. are both easy to understand even for a non-reader like myself, and well-written!
And Rond Vidar coming back, two thumbs up!
Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
That's high praise indeed! Thank you so much, IB. Feedback like yours is one of the things which makes the effort that goes into my writing so rewarding.
Regarding pacing and characterization, I have to once again credit my greatest writing hero, Alan Grant, and the publication that he cut his teeth on, "2000 AD." I wish the weekly anthology format would catch on in America. I can dream...
Regarding Shady and Mon, she's going to be a major presence in the next issue (how couldn't she be, after what happened to her lover?) And Mon is, like Saturn Girl, someone I had never warmed up to until I took on the challenge of writing the character.
I especially appreciate what you said about the L.E.G.I.O.N. references. I loved that book so much, I can't avoid referencing it, and I'm relieved that I seem to be doing it right. I do hope that one day, you and others who haven't read it will give it a go.
As for Rond Vidar, I'm glad you're pleased to see him back, and look for him to make that important decision about possible membership very soon.
Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
I've started making shorter posts, dividing the "issues" into thirds or fourths, so that the pages load more easily.
Feel free to comment here either while the "issue" is in progress, or upon its completion, whichever you prefer.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
More, more, more! I still can't get over the pacing!
I knew it was Gigi, but the way you wrote Shvaughn realizing it was very impactful even though I knew.
Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
Thanks, IB.
Glad you like the pacing. I admit it's a reaction to the slow pacing of most modern comics.
I'm also glad the hospital scene worked for you, as I wasn't completely confident in it.
But what do the rest of you who are reading these stories think? Let's please see some comments from other people.
Posted by Harbinger on :
You really capture the Legionnaires personalities well, from Dawny's treatment of Drake, Brainy and Rond at the Time Institute, Shady's passions, Brek's desperation to prove himself to Vi's funny cattiness. Dev-Ems poisoning was a clever way of tying in the established history to your story too. Maxine G'odd was great too, I'm looking forward to seeing what you have planned to do with her and her enforcers. Once again it feel's as if you are building up to a high octane climax.
More, more, more!
Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
Thank you, Harbi.
Unfortunately, the LSH Alternate Timeline is on hiatus while I get the Justice League off the ground. But thanks to your kind words, it may be coming back sooner than I originally thought.
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