500 Voters were polled for the following questions.
CANDIDATE MOST LIKELY TO HURL HIS/HER FECES IN A FIT OF ANGER
1. LARDLAD 69%
2. Ghost of Numf El 11%
3. Winema Wazzo 8%
4. Kent Shakespeare 6%
5. Actor Lad 5%
6. Calamity Monkey 1%
CANDIDATE WITH THE BEST RACK
1. LARDLAD 80%
2. Winema Wazzo 9%
3. Kent Shakespeare 5%
4. Ghost of Numf El 3%
5. Actor Lad 2%
6. Calamity Monkey 1%
CANDIDATE YOU WOULD EAT FIRST IF YOU WERE TRAPPED WITH ALL ON A BARREN ISLAND
1. LARDLAD 73%
2. Kent Shakespeare 10%
3. Actor Lad 6%
4. Ghost of Numf El 5%
5. Calamity Monkey 4%
6. Winema Wazzo 2%
MOST ARTICULATE CANDIDATE
1. Calamity Monkey 89%
2. Winema Wazzo 5%
3. Kent Shakespeare 3%
4. Actor Lad 2%
5. Ghost of Numf El 1%
6. LARDLAD 0%
Next Poll coming Soon.
[ June 08, 2006, 03:31 PM: Message edited by: THE LMB ENQUIRER ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Jeepers! This is enlightening, but I hope the next poll includes a question on which candidate is most likely to hurl someone else's feces in a fit of anger!
Given that feces-throwing, edibility, and niceness of rack are all qualities the LMB usually values in a leader, while articulateness isn't, it seems like LARDLAD has a strong initial lead among voters!
[ June 08, 2006, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I find it very revealing that Winema Wazzo scored lowest among 'most you'd want to eat on a barren island'. Legion World has not forgotten her crimes against it!
Posted by Reboot on :
I suspect a bias towards monkeys and altIDs when choosing who was to be polled...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
The LMB Enquierer? Biased?
Why, that's like that time someone accused me of sleeping around! Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Come to think of it... Lardlad's propensity for feces-slinging could be evidence for my longheld theory that he and Poppa Rotzi are, in reality, one and the same!
Posted by LARDLAD on :
Hey! I only sling feces when I'm good and mad!
Oh, EDE...accusing me of having an alternate I.D....tssk, tssk Posted by MLLASH on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: I find it very revealing that Winema Wazzo scored lowest among 'most you'd want to eat on a barren island'. Legion World has not forgotten her crimes against it!
Heh-- I figured it was 'cause all the straight guys wouldn't want to eat the only chick on the island.
Obviously the LMB Enquirer failed to poll a fair amount of gay guys. Although Lardy *DID* come first in the "best rack" category.
Perplexing. Perplexing, indeed.
Posted by LARDLAD on :
quote:Originally posted by MLLASH: Although Lardy *DID* come first in the "best rack" category.
By the way, they're REAL and they're FABULOUS!!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
quote:Originally posted by MLLASH: [QUOTE]]Heh-- I figured it was 'cause all the straight guys wouldn't want to eat the only chick on the island.
Well, there's eating and then there's eating! Posted by Ghost of Numf El on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare:
quote:Originally posted by MLLASH: [QUOTE]]Heh-- I figured it was 'cause all the straight guys wouldn't want to eat the only chick on the island.
Well, there's eating and then there's eating!
I like your thinking, Kent.
Wait a minute, am I allowed to agree with a fellow candidate? Bugger, I'm confused now.
Posted by Ghost of Numf El on :
quote:Originally posted by THE LMB ENQUIRER: 500 Voters were polled for the following questions.
CANDIDATE MOST LIKELY TO HURL HIS/HER FECES IN A FIT OF ANGER
2. Ghost of Numf El 11%
Maybe so, but I've got to be pretty shit-faced first. And why do you think I wear a kilt?
And why isn't there a 'Best Ass' category? I'd definitely come first in that - at least since Bevis isn't running.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Numf, I see us as natural allies against the villainy of LardLad. If you back out of the race, I'll name you as Minister of Debauchery after I win.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
and if you want to be resurrected, I'll plug you into my Dead Superheroes Integrity machine - you'll be back in no time!
Posted by LARDLAD on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: Numf, I see us as natural allies against the villainy of LardLad. If you back out of the race, I'll name you as Minister of Debauchery after I win.
Villainy? Who's the frickin' Dominator? Whether it was a phase, an alt i.d. or whatever, if it barks like a dog...
[ June 12, 2006, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: LARDLAD ]
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
As Director of External Affairs (tm), it was my duty to try to flush out Dominion spies before the election. If you'd read my confidential executive report like a responsible candidate, you'd know that.
Posted by Lucifer Lass on :
I thought there were supposed to be additional polls? How am I supposed to rebel against the mainstream if I don't have pollsters telling me what the mainstream opinion is?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
POLL for those who want to rebel and root for the underdog:
Kent: 95 percent Everyone else: 0.3 to 1.5 percent
Posted by LARDLAD on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: As Director of External Affairs (tm), it was my duty to try to flush out Dominion spies before the election. If you'd read my confidential executive report like a responsible candidate, you'd know that.
Dude. it's all about public perception...kinda why retractions in the papers are always buried on the last page!
Posted by LARDLAD on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: POLL for those who want to rebel and root for the underdog:
Kent: 95 percent Everyone else: 0.3 to 1.5 percent
So... basically, you're endorsing me for Lucifer Lass?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
No.
Read it again. Carefully.
LL says she is looking to vote based on rebelling against the polls, so the first poll is for her.
The second poll is for those who want to support the front-runner; so that poll is not for her.
As leader, I pledge to offer remedial reading courses in the near future for those so obviously in need.
Posted by LARDLAD on :
oh-kaaaaaay.
Hmmm...gotta wonder where you get your info though. I'd say if activity on the campaign threads are a guage, then I've got the edge!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Riiiiight..... That's the deciding factor. Go on believing that, amigo.
Or should I say, Deputy Amigo.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
BTW, "Vote LARD (or if not, just don't vote for Kent)!!" is hardly a slogan a front-runner would come up with.
Posted by LARDLAD on :
Yeah, blame my campaign manager (me). He's not very good at front-runner slogans, I guess.
Posted by Lucifer Lass on :
Might I suggest "Vote LARD, he won't card"?
Not only does it capture your main campaign theme, but it also appeals to the younger voters.
Posted by THE LMB ENQUIRER on :
500 Voters were polled for the following questions.
WHICH CANDIDATE IS LIKLIEST TO BE INVOLVED IN A SEX-SCANDAL INVOLVING TOMATOES?
1. Kent Shakespeare 37%
2. Calamity Monkey 29%
3. LARDLAD 26%
4. Winema Wazzo 4%
5. Actor Lad 3%
6. Ghost of Numf El 1%
WHICH CANDIDATE IS MOST LIKELY TO HAVE THORA OF TALTAR ON SPACE-SPEED-DIAL?
1. Winema Wazzo 42%
2. Calamity Monkey 22%
3. Actor Lad 17%
4. Ghost of Numf El 14%
5. Kent Shakespeare 4%
6. LARDLAD 1%
WHICH CANDIDATE IS MOST LIKELY TO TREAT THE TITLE OF LMB LEADER WITH THE DIGNITY IT DESERVES?
1. Actor Lad 29%
1. Ghost of Numf El 29%
1. Kent Shakespeare 29%
4. Calamity Monkey 6%
5. LARDLAD 4%
6. Winema Wazzo 3%
WHICH CANDIDATE HAS THE MOST BELIEVABLE OUTRAGEOUS CAMPAIGN PROMISES?
1. Actor Lad 28%
2. Ghost of Numf El 24%
3. Kent Shakespeare 16%
4. Calamity Monkey 15%
5. LARDLAD 12%
6. Winema Wazzo 5%
Posted by LARDLAD on :
quote:Originally posted by Lucifer Lass: Might I suggest "Vote LARD, he won't card"?
Not only does it capture your main campaign theme, but it also appeals to the younger voters.
EX-cellent!!
Posted by LARDLAD on :
MAN! Those poll aren't kind to yours truly! Accurate, but not kind... Posted by MLLASH on :
One wonders if there will be more polls this time...
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