Just moved in about a week ago, and was strolling through the neighborhood in search of a good smoke shop. I ran into a fellow by the name of Cobie, who said that although there was a dearth of Tobacconists around these parts, the real estate costs were quite reasonable should a young entrepreneur want to set up shop.
Say no more.
Without further ado, I give you: The Tobacconihilist
Catering to the discerning taste, we offer a wide range of sweet Coluan pipe tobaccos, Orandan snuffs, and... due to a special trade arrangement with certain contacts in the UP... a heretofore unheard-of selection of fine Khundan cigars.
So... whether you fancy yourself a late 30's Bruce Wayne type, or an alternate future adult Brainiac 5... stop by, have a chat, and always, smoke 'em if you've got 'em.
[ November 28, 2012, 07:09 AM: Message edited by: Exnihil ]
Posted by Lard Lad on :
:psst: Aren't Khundian cigars illegal?
Posted by Exnihil on :
Let's just say that a certain Mr. "Anton R." owes me a favor.
Posted by STU on :
Nice place ya got here.
Do you have any Carggite trigars?
Posted by Exnihil on :
quote:Originally posted by STU: Nice place ya got here.
Do you have any Carggite trigars?
Yes, but only with the preboot wrappers. A couple years back they were rebranded, "infigars".
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Hey, do you have Prince Evillo in a can?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
quote:Originally posted by Outdoor Miner: Hey, do you have Prince Evillo in a can?
There's a "fag hag" joke in there somewhere.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
I was thinking of the British use of the first term, with Mysa's role in the Evillo story for the second part.
nothing like explaining a joke ot make it spring to life. Posted by Exnihil on :
I got it, but used it as a springboard for my own poor one... which apparently went, as well, in the can.
Anyway... time for a smoke!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
I'll say!
smoke em if you've got em! [Groucho Marx aside] And believe you me, Exnihil's got em! Where he got em at this hour I'll never understand! [/Groucho Marx aside]
Posted by Lard Lad on :
Got any of those old bubble gum cigars that you could puff powdery "smoke" from?
Posted by Lard Lad on :
Ah, memories...!
Posted by Exnihil on :
Hmmmm... perhaps, in my private collection... ah, yes, just the thing, sir:
Be forewarned, however, the surgeon general has determined that refined sugar may be hazardous to your health.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Like all great characters that have a healing power, I indulge cigars, and of course, my very own special pipe.
I'll take some of that Khundian mix. It reminds me of a Khundian Princess I used to date. Man, she was a heavy cigar smoker, but she sure had good intel on Khundian politics. Relnic always said her people would have never went to war if I'd kept her honest, but hey, he always was a pessimist.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
I only smoke certain special cigars.
Posted by STU on :
Ceci n'est pas un post. Posted by Director Lad on :
I'll give some of that Coluan stuff a try. Nothin' like a nice briar to top off the day!
Posted by SharkLad on :
sometimes a cigar ... is a really huge phallus ...
<splash>
Posted by STU on :
Yes... a pungent, burning phallus.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
quote:Originally posted by STU: Yes... a pungent, burning phallus.
...that can give ya cancer! Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
I'm a hard-core non-smoker. Have you anything in a bubble pipe?
Posted by SharkLad on :
I'm a hard-core arse-man. Have you anything in a bubble butt?
<splash>
Posted by Exnihil on :
quote:Originally posted by SharkLad: I'm a hard-core arse-man. Have you anything in a bubble butt?
Strangely, I do, but considering that this joke is from 1998...
...I can't guarantee the freshness.
Posted by Exnihil on :
Sorry for bumping my own thread, but...
I just read L3W... and I need a smoke after that!
Posted by Raging Bull on :
Do ya know the Marlboro Man? Friend o' mine.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I bought 80 cigars for my bachelor party and 77 of them were smoked. Not bad, not bad...that's a lot of drunk fellas lighting up. It ended up being a hit too, many compliments all around.
Posted by Iron Rat on :
What did you do with the remaining 3 cigars?
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
A Taltaran cigarillo for the lady, please, Exnihil.
Posted by Exnihil on :
quote:Originally posted by Fat Cramer: A Taltaran cigarillo for the lady, please, Exnihil.
Coming right up. No need to get "Thora"-bout it. Get it? "Thora"-bout? Like "Sore about"? Because... you know... Thora... and Taltar... and... and...
...sorry, ma'am... that'll be 75 cents.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
quote:Originally posted by Iron Rat: What did you do with the remaining 3 cigars?
That was breakfast the next morning! With coronas!
Posted by Lard Lad on :
How 'bout some of that Kathoonian pipeweed?
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
Do you only smoke that after dark?
Posted by Exnihil on :
Well, you can smoke it during daylight hours... but only at half-strength.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I wonder how Bismollian chewing tobacco is? You chew it for hours, get it all disgusting and sticky and then eat it?
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
Or you eat the package and throw away the tobacco.
Posted by Exnihil on :
I'm in... my Tobacco Shop? But this place... burned to the ground!
<looks around, completely perplexed. He spies a calendar hanging on the wall>
October... 9th? That's five months ago. Oh my God, he sent me back in time!
Screw this! I'm not doing it!!!
<attempts to walk toward the door and is suddenly gripped by a horrible stabbing pain through his skull>
ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! OK! OK! Fine! I'll do it!!!
<the pain ceases. Reluctantly... almost with sorrow... Ex kneels to the floor and loosens a floorboard. He reaches in and pulls out what looks to be a very aged pocketwatch. He considers it for a moment... but even the memory of the pain brings him back to his purpose. He winds the watch and, as it begins to tick, he replaces it back in its hiding place. He raises his face to the ceiling and shouts.>
[ March 20, 2009, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: Exnihil ]
Posted by Tomahawk on :
<enters, with Jailbait Lass following>
Found this place not too long ago. Best darn place on Legion World if you ask me. Its where I been laying low. Evidentally the owner got himself mixed up in all the trouble going on these days so just a skeleton crew is running things.
Its how I like it. No one pays me no mind, and I drink my whiskey and smoke my cigars waiting things out.
Posted by SharkLad on :
<treading water in an underground spring beneath the Tobacconihilist>
what the sprock is Lolita doing trying to take on Tomahawk by herself ... still, this is probably one of those times when the perp is likely to talk himself right into custody ... I'll hang down here until the time is right ...
hey cool, a dolphin!
<chomp>
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
--------------Interlude-----------
Shark Lad's Security Office omni-com suddenly gets this information:
-------------------End Interlude-----------
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
quote:Originally posted by Tomahawk: <enters, with Jailbait Lass following>
Found this place not too long ago. Best darn place on Legion World if you ask me. Its where I been laying low. Evidentally the owner got himself mixed up in all the trouble going on these days so just a skeleton crew is running things.
Its how I like it. No one pays me no mind, and I drink my whiskey and smoke my cigars waiting things out.
Alright Tomahawk, I came here with you. Now I want you to start answering some questions I--no, I don't want a cigar--what in the world happened up in those mountains during that trip. You, Cobie, Clive, Time-Teller and Raging Bull went up there and now odd things are happening to all of you. Apparently, Time-Teller's memory is gone regarding these events. Cobie has been shot. Clive is dead. No one has been able to get any information from Raging Bull.
And you say you have no idea how you ended up in the 31st Century. You'll have to be a lot clearer than that. What do you remember?
And no, I don't want any whiskey!
<reads through manilla folder as she talks to him>
(There it is again, mention of this "Traveler"; and what is this "resurrection machine"?)
Posted by Tomahawk on :
I’m sorry ma’am, but it is as simple as you think. I went to sleep one night, in 1772 and when I woke up, I was here, on Legion World, in the 31st Century. It took me a long time to accept that—I thought I maybe had taken one of those funky mushrooms the Injun shamans sometimes to use.
Funny thing is when I came to this main city here, no one seemed to think it was odd I was here. Apparently y’all get quite a large amount of unusual visitors from different places, even through time. It was that Cobalt Kid feller you’re so sweet on that helped me out. Set me up with a place to stay, and made sure I was welcome. He seemed to be real interested in why I was here on Legion World. So I guess yer a bit behind the times on solving that mystery.
Part of the reason I went up into them mountains was ‘cuz they needed a guide into that type of terrain, and because Cobalt Kid wanted to learn more about why I was here. Seemed he had lots of reasons for going up there, since that Clive fella seemed to start flipping out shortly after we left.
But once we were there…and ma’am, you got to believe me—I don’t remember nothin’. My memory is gone for about two months worth. Next memory I got is well, bein’ here, having a cigar and a whiskey with Raging Bull. No word of the others, I just figured I got too drunk and forgot how the night ended. But no, quite a lot of time had passed. I never did find out what happened, and never got a chance to ask Cobalt Kid ‘fore he got shot. I know Raging Bull don’t seem to remember neither.
But I’ll tell ya—it scares the hell out of me. It truly does.
<orders another whiskey>
Posted by Tomahawk on :
'An I don't know nothing about no Traveler or no ressurection machine. Or no second shooter or Justin Thyme or Numbuts something-or-other.
<gets whiskey, prepares to chug it>
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
<Lolita looks through the folder, not looking up to see Tomahawk>
There's that reference to 'genuinely part of liberty' again...
<looks up, and suddenly is filled with alarm>
Wait, no! Tomahawk, NO!!!
<suddenly slaps that whiskey out of his hand and knocks drink to the floor>
Look! <points to a little monkey that was taking a sip of the whiskey too; it now lies dead on the floor> That whiskey is poison! Someone is trying to kill you!
Or...maybe they're trying to kill both of us?!
<suddenly, the lights go out!>
Posted by SharkLad on :
<swallowing the last bite of a dolphin fin while checking his Security Office omni-com>
Sweet! I was right about "John Doe" ... Mom always said I was more than just a pretty face ...
<hears a glass shatter on the floor of the Tobacconihilist>
What the? Lolita could be in trouble!
<leaps out of the underground spring, bursting through the floor boards of the Tobacconihilist>
Stand down, Tomahawk!
Say, who turned out the lights?
Posted by Tomahawk on :
<jumps out of the way of Shark Lad>
Tarnation! I knew that Shark fella was nearby! You tricked me, you--
<the lights go out>
Okay, everyone remain calm. We're about to be attacked, everyone stay close together and maybe we can take this creep out. I'm a little sick of being blamed for this fella's crimes.
By the way Shark Lad, sorry 'bout that punch back at the brawl them months ago...
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
<quiet in the darkness>
Did you hear that? <hears someone hit the floor, likely one of the other patrons>
Tomahawk, I'm sorry...I believe Sharky and I may have led them right to you!
<suddenly feels something crawling on her legs>
OH NO!!! <kicks legs in a panic, moving closer to Shark Lad and Tomawhawk> I can't see a thing! Its...not just a person--its some sort of monster...
<pulls out blaster>
<suddenly multiple 'somethings' start slithering on them all>
LMBers, start thrashing anything you see!
<starts blasting>
[ February 24, 2009, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: Jailbait Lass ]
Posted by SharkLad on :
Hey Lolita! Watch where you're blasting that thing! Get behind me ...
<opens his mouth, unleashing his 'Shark Bite' [trademark pending] - a flurry of razor-sharp projectile teeth>
<a booming "ROWR!!!" fills the darkened Tobacconihilist>
Well, I hit something ... anybody got a light?
<feels something brush against his legs>
Whoa! Something is still moving in here!
Posted by Exnihil on :
<a click... then a small flame lights the room>
<the flame is drawn up to a face as a cigarette is lit>
<even by the small glowing ember, the room is able to see the face of the owner of this establishment>
Yeah, Sharky, something is still moving... me!
Now... somebody mind explaining what the hell is going on in my shop?
[ February 24, 2009, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Exnihil ]
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
Exnihil--at last!
<looks around>
Something was here, just a short time ago. We thought it was a person, but now I'm not so sure. Something was crawling all over us...either a monster, or someone with a very disgusting power.
<blaster still out>
Still, one can't be too careful. Shark Lad and I were questioning Tomahawk here.
<turning to Sharky>
Sharky, I don't believe Tomahawk did anything. It was a good lead, but no luck--if anything, he's in danger too.
<back to Exnihil>
If anything Ex, I'd like to talk to you a little. Let me say up front, I am not here on behalf of the Office of Security. I'm not here as part of the LMB either. I'm here because Cobie was shot and lies on his death bed, and I'm going to catch that killer.
I don't think you did it...and I have no intentions of incriminating you or anything of the sort. But please...please help me. Can you tell me your story again, about the Second Shooter...Justin Thyme.
Posted by SharkLad on :
<mind wanders as Jailbait Lass questions Exnihil>
(This has just gotten crazy ... I feel like a dogfish chasing its tail ... been looking to haul off on Tomahawk ever since he sucker punched me back at the OK Corral ... now he's on our side? Sprock! I'm used to thinking with my teeth, not my head ... maybe I should just get out of here ... )
<sees something slithering on the ground in the corner of the Tobacconihilist>
Lolita! Ex! Behind you! It's back!
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
<blasts it; a scorch mark appears on the floor, but it is gone>
Damn! Did you get a glimpse of it Sharky? I have no idea what it is.
Ugh, maybe we all should have a drink?
Is anyone else's omnicom going off like crazy today? Don't know they we're busy?
Posted by Tomahawk on :
I wouldn't mind a whiskey or a cigar, myself. Seems I got a stake in this too, since my memory is missing.
Ahem. I'm awful sorry 'bout that sucker-punch Shark Lad.
Posted by Exnihil on :
<looks behind the counter>
Sorry, T-hawk, no whiskey in this smoke shop... oh wait... I do have some cognac!
<pulls out a bottle and four snifters>
Have at it guys. Now... Jailbait Lass, I believe I owe you an explanation...
Posted by Exnihil on :
It all started a year ago, on, as many things do, an island.
Having made my fortune by partnering with Big Tobacco, this place that we're sitting in was paying for itself. I decided to venture that profit by branching out into a long-standing passion of mine: holo-vids. We planned this thing for months. Every last detail was accounted for...
...every detail, but one.
Him.
<continued....>
Posted by Exnihil on :
Yes... you know who I mean.
Among those 12 people out on that island, there was one who stood out by virtue of his raw charisma. One who, without speaking a word, could win the whole place over.
Keep going, Exnihil...I do hope of course this is leading somewhere to do with all the recent attacks...?
<eyes Sharky>
(Sharky won't make it through this long monologue; Tomahawk is already too busy smoking his cigar and sewing up his boots or something to be paying attention)
<back to Ex>
When did you first meet and become aware of Cobalt Kid, whom you reportedly tried to assassinate under the control of the Second Shooter?
Posted by Exnihil on :
Easy does it, JB... like a fine cigar, a fine tale must be taken in slowly...
It was then, however that I began to lose it.
Money, I had... thanks to The Tobacconihilist.
Fame, check... thanks to the success of Survivor:Marzal.
But, Political Power? This was the golden ring. With Lardy in as my puppet candidate I knew that I would soon be on the road to easy street. But what if he didn't win? I had to ensure that didn't happen.
[cliche]I fear I went quite mad for a time.[/cliche]
It was then... at my most vunerable when I began hearing things. It wasn't my imagination... it was real... but inside my head. I can help... he said. He gave me the idea. He said the one person that might stand in the way of a sweep was a person who over time had been sometimes friend, sometimes enemy to Lard Lad... Cobalt Kid.
<continued....>
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
<taking notes>
(here we go...)
<sips cognac>
(UGH! This stuff is gross! No wonder I'm not a big drinker)
<politely puts cognac to the side near Sharky's glass>
Posted by Exnihil on :
No one would get hurt, this mysterious stranger said... it was just a harmless "Penetra-Ventriloquism" dart. I was to stand in the crowd as Cobie was making his announcement and, at the key moment, fire the dart. Then he would be ours. We would control the content of rest of Cobie's speech, I intended on having him issue an endorsement of Lardy's campaign.
But just as I fired... that's when I saw him. On the grassy knoll... the same one who had approached me...
The Second Shooter! Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
What did he look like, Ex? I need details! Height? Weight? Hair color? Race--as in Native planet?
[aside to Shark Lad]By the way, it does seem like several crimes were in progress almost voluntarily, but I'll forget about those for the moment so long as we get some more information...[/aside]
Posted by Exnihil on :
I don't... I... it's not that easy... I...
All I can remember is that he was garbed in a purple cloak.
I later told Lardy that he was a member of an elite cabal... the Time Trappers of Legion World... but... I don't know... I was in a panic... for a time I even thought it might be STU!
All I know is that the one name that keeps ringing through my head... like the hourly chiming of a grandfather clock... is...
"Justin Thyme"
Posted by SharkLad on :
<picks up Jailbait Lass' glass>
(it ain't chum but it'll do)
<chugs the cognac>
(hmmm, Lolita seems to think Tomahawk here is alright. He's already apologized twice for that sucker punch. Still there's something about him that doesn't seem right ...)
<turns attention back to Exnihil but starts to feel dizzy>
Say, I think there was something in that drink ... I don't feel so ...
<falls with a thud to the floor>
Posted by Exnihil on :
<Exnihil looks down at the fallen body of Shark Lad as, slowly, his eyes narrow and an evil grin crosses his lips. He turns to Jailbait Lass to speak, but the voice that issues forth, though similar to that of Ex, is hollow and distant>
No, no, Lolita... don't try to get up.
Oh, did I say cognac? Well... yes... but laced with just enough Rarkuga poison to render the three of you incapacitated while I made my exit.
I'm sorry... but if this fool Exnihil had his way, he'd already be behind bars. Wandering around Legion World telling that story to anyone who would listen? That's no way to behave, is it?
<walks toward the counter, stepping over the snoring form of Tomahawk, who also had taken a drink>
That's OK, Lolita, I don't expect you to answer. I know your throat must be rather tight right now. But still... the thirst for knowledge, eh?
<takes the bottle of cognac and pours it across the counter and surrounding floor>
<picks up the stub of a cigar that Tomahawk had been smoking and with the ashen end scrawls the words, "JUSTIN THYME" on the wall>
You just want so badly to know who shot Cobalt Kid, don't you, my dear?
<reaches toward the words he had written in ash and wipes his hand down the middle, leaving only the words, "JUST__ ___ME">
Choke... the irony.
Well, I'm afraid this is where we say our goodbyes
<pulls a cigarette from the display case and lights it. For a moment, Exnihil's eyes clear, as though waking from a dream>
No... not my shop... please
<his eyes narrow again>
Oh, Ex, lonely is the road of the Traveller. We still have work to do. Come, come... this is a Smoke Shop and where there is smoke...
<drops the cigarette into the pool of cognac>
...there's fire.
<walks out the door as the flames begin to spread>
Posted by Tomahawk on :
<on the floor, completely drugged and passed out, by Shark Lad>
Ugh...
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
<stuck in her chair, barely able to move>
...j-just...a sip...and still so potent...but...at least...have some...movement...
<strugges to move body from chair, her eyes glazing over, but falls to the floor, flat on her stomach and chest, her head hitting the boards; now she lies flat, with Shark Lad and Tomahawk>
...no...not like...this...not helpless again...
<a lone tear rolls down her cheek, as she recalls her other most terrible moments of helplessness: buried alive by the Red Bee, leaving a broken, scared shell of a woman. Then again, captured by the Red Bee and placed inside a refrigerator, on the verge of death, only to be saved by Space Ranger, who then died saving her, leaving her with an enormous guilt>
...please...not like this...<suddenly, her throat is unable to make words any longer>
(can't speak...Oh God, its getting worse...need to do something...the fire is Shark Lad's great weakness...it was Exnihil all along. There is no 'Second' Shooter, there is only the one shooter, first and second. Exnihil shot Cobalt Kid. Exnihil is Justin Thyme, or at least under his control)
<but she overcame it all; she was able to pull it together and become an official LMBer; the world changes and we must change with it>
<rolls over onto back>
*cough*
*cough*
<tries to get to omni-com, tries to call Cobalt Kid, but cannot move arm>
(...that's it then...its over...)
Posted by Jailbait Lass on :
<still lying on the ground>
*cough*
*cough*
(...Cobie...never told you...how...I feel...should have...told you...years ago...when we used to...be so...intimate...)
<looks at Tomahawk and Shark Lad, moving eyes, and realizes that if she dies, they die>
There they are...Shark Lad, Tomahawk and a few other patrons.
<concentrates, causes all occupants to 'port outside while he remains>
Funny, don't remember knowing this trick before...
<exits through hole in roof, encases the shop in a tight Lard Force Bubble which puts out the fire by depriving it of oxygen>
<building collapses under the pressure>
Sorry, Exnihil...you'll rebuild, guarantee it. <says to himself>
Now, to help the victims...
[ February 27, 2009, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: Lard Lad Prime ]
Posted by Lard Lad Prime on :
<when responders arrive moments later, Prime is giving the victims first aid>
Here Sharky...a little water flow in your gills should revive you...
Posted by Tomahawk on :
*cough*
*cough*
Th-thanks big fella...not sure what happened. Suddenly everything went black...hopefully someone in there remembers...
*cough*
I owe you a drink, pard.
Posted by Triple G on :
Three loud Orange streaks plunge out of the sky. Their wide open throttle boot jets roar as they land in a perfect triangle facing outward. They each touch belt studs and scanner lights begin to play across the tableau spread out in front of them.
"Orange 2 download and record scanners. Orange 3 set a radar field and scan for incoming and outgoing traffic."
Orange Agent Alpha 1 strides through the dust stepping over the rubble while speaking to his comm device. "We've arrived Boss, The place is a mess, it looks like it imploded. Crap everywhere."
OA1 looks to Lard Lad Prime and surveys the prostrate LMBers laid out on the street. Speaking to the only hero standing Agent1 informs him that backup is enroute, "Boss is using my 'vette. He's right behind me. What do you need? Casualties? Is everyone out? Do you need me to call for transport to Medicus?"
Posted by Space Ranger on :
quote:Originally posted by Lard Lad Prime: <when responders arrive moments later, Prime is giving the victims first aid>
Here Sharky...a little water flow in your gills should revive you...
Sentient, I think you and I have a few things to discuss...
You're Lard Lad but you're not the Lard Lad I've known for the past few months...
Truth and Justice shall Prevail! (My Head hurts...)
Posted by SharkLad on :
*cough*
what the sprock happened? where's Lolita? Lard? Lard, is that you?
<struggles to get up>
Wait ... you're Lard, but you're ... you're not Lard ... Rao, what was in the drink?
I got to get back to the Security Office ... I need some serious tank time ...
INUK-CHUK!
<channeling the power of the Shark Beast Avatar, SharkLad vanishes>
Posted by Triple G on :
3G reaches for his com. He's thinking 'Crap, I hate magic'. It buzzes as he snaps it off his belt. "Alpha Orange-1 sir. The Shark guy just teleported out." He spies the clustered figures, "I'm there."
Roaring in in the corvette mini transport 3g slides to a stop and steps casually up and over the side snaps open his comm as it buzzes again.
"Boss? Delta Orange-1. Something just zipped into the building. The field blipped and the generator registered a power surge."
3G replied to the Agent, "Good. That should be Shark Lad. Send #3 inside. See if he needs assistance." The Giant paused to look at assembled group of meta humans. "Engage the teleportion field scrambler..and turn it up."
Snapping shut the comm and sliding into the holster the giant moves toward the others.
Posted by Lard Lad Prime on :
quote:Originally posted by Space Ranger: Sentient, I think you and I have a few things to discuss...
You're Lard Lad but you're not the Lard Lad I've known for the past few months.
That, Space Ranger, is because the "Lard Lad" you've known for the past few months is a fraud! I am the real deal!
Is it so hard to believe? He's breaking the law left and right all over Legion World--I just saved several people from burning to death in a fire!
I honestly don't understand why people believed him! Hell, when I died...<points to his face>...I looked like this--battle scars from my battle with Mordru. I still look like this! I've seen the campaign posters--he didn't even get the look right!
I bet he dooesn't even have these...<rolls sleeves up above the elbows>. These are Mordru's handprints burned into my flesh as we grappled in the Clench!
<shrugs> I'm the real Lard Lad, Ranger...are you going to allow me to help you?
Posted by Yellow Kid on :
bzzzt bzzt bzzt
Dammit. Who's calling now?
Posted by Triple G on :
"We're too late boys, the party's over. Head back to the shop, set up your rotation schedule and send Delta Orange to the Security Office."
All three agents group together, fire off their boot jets and take to the sky. In a moment they've disappeared from sight.
"Is Jailbait ok? You guys look like you're going to make it. Listen, we're trying to set up a quick reaction strike force for these emergencies. You can trust the Orange armored guys, they work for me. Buzz the Security Office for backup."
Knowing the independent nature and stubborn streaks that came natural to this bunch 3G decides to clarify a bit more, "This team will be handy until enough super powered agents can be trained to handle things. They're good guys, hunk-y too." He grins mischeviously.
"They're on MY payroll so they don't answer to any of the usual suspects and since I certainly have absolutely NO desire to conquer the world, usurp the reins of absolute power or ban heavy metal music, things should work out nicely. We're pretty neutral to the political upheavals around here"
Posted by Phineas B. Fuddle on :
<as the celebrations continue in the streets following the triumphant defeat of Phineas B. Fuddle, at least one resident of Legion World has no cause to celebrate>
<a brooding Exnihil sits in the scorched remains of what remains of his former office, his shop having been nearly burned down as part of Phineas’ mechanisms. He is smoking his way through the last salvaged box of Carggite tri-gars reading, again, the posted notice that he found upon his return>
Dear Mr. Nihil,
It has come to our attention that, as part of your recent activities in association with Mr. Phineas B. Fuddle, you have engaged in what may be best described as several “questionable” actions.
While, admittedly, it later came to light that your actions were, in fact, part of a larger plan to act as the catalyst to defeat Mr. Fuddle, and did, in fact, result in the salvation of Legion World, the fact remains that you were involved in an ostensible assassination plot on the Legion Worlder known as Cobalt Kid.
As you must realize, these actions are neither sanctioned, nor endorsed, by our organization and, resultantly, effectively immediately, your license to import, sell, and distribute any of our products is hereby revoked.
We regret that your behavior has necessitated this decision, but - as has been well documented - the Tobacco industry has a long-standing policy of disaffiliation with those who are found to be dealing in death.
In any way.
Ever.
Sincerely yours,
Big Tobacco
<flicking the ash of the tri-gar, Ex puts the notice down on his charred desk and sighs>
So… what now?
[ February 16, 2011, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: Exnihil ]
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Exxy, I know this is a rough patch for you. But you came through in the end.
I realize you probably need time to think about things, so take your time... but if you're interested, I have a position at the Bureau of External Affairs (tm) that you might find rewarding.
Posted by Exnihil on :
<nearly two years later...>
<the carnage of the "Thyme Crime" is all but forgotten. The burnt out wreckage of the Tobacconihilist has long since been razed and new construction completed.>
<There have been a few blind items in the LMB ENQUIRER speculating from whence the sudden influx of capital had arisen for the reconstruction of Ex's shop had come... and why the Security Office has turned a blind eye but, thus far, rumor and innuendo had amounted to nought.>
<Nevertheless, it is with a sly grin... and an itchy palm... that Ex finally, after nearly two years, walks to his door and turns his "Closed" sign around to "Open".>
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
<flings open the doors to the new shop and storms in>
Nice new digs you got here, Ex...nice. While I appreciate your generous "contribution" to the Security Office in exchange for my...discretion...regarding certain regs and laws that would have possibly stopped your shop from opening---I trust you have something else to contribute on this most momentous of days? I would hate to have to inspect this place too closely, after all....
Posted by Exnihil on :
<Ex, surprised, hurriedly shuffles some papers below the counter>
Hey... Lardy!... er... Chief! How you doing, buddy? I... uh... wasn't expecting to see you so soon.
I'm... uh... just getting things started again, you know? These things take a while to get going... but, uh... everything's above board, you know... just like we talked about. That whole "grandfather clause" is going to be great for this place... selling my wares strictly for "entertainment" purposes.
<looks sheepish>
But... uh... concerning additional "contributions"... that might be a little tough just yet...
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
<glances at Ex's paper shuffling but intentionally plays dumb>
<grabs Ex by the collar>
"A little tough just yet"? REALLY?!?!
I take it you're ready for this placed to be "inspected" from top to bottom? Well, ARE ya?!?
Posted by Exnihil on :
<Ex's diminutive frame is lifted off the floor by the Chief's throttling>
<choking, Ex sputters>
No...
Sir...
<Lardy eyes him threateningly, then slowly releases his grasp... Ex breathes a weak sigh>
I'm sorry... Chief... I... uh... I'm sorry...
<opens the register>
Would... uh... 20%... be OK this week?
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
<grins>
30% this week. And on time...not one millisecond late!
<straightens Ex's collar>
Gotta look respectable for your customers. What were ya thinkin', anyway?
Nice lookin' place ya got here.
<exits>
<taps thru Omnicom>
Need eyes on the Tobacconihilist and Exnihil at all times.... Posted by Exnihil on :
<watches Lardy exit and, through the front window, carefully watches him disappear down the street. When he is certain he's gone, he picks up his own Omnicon and dials a number. Someone answers, and Ex quietly speaks>
Yeah...
He just left...
30%, that's how much!...
Yeah... I know, but...
Yes...
Yes...
I will, but this is...
Fine...
<hangs up... then to himself>
Grife! This better be worth it!
[ February 16, 2011, 10:04 PM: Message edited by: Exnihil ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
<walks in>
Good morning, Ex. It's been awhile--trust all is well? I'm glad to see the Tobacco shop has reopened. In fact, it's opening was just about the only way I could track you down.
<begins looking through the different products; doesn't hide the fact he's being very meticulous about it>
You seem nervoius. Don't worry, I'm not with the Security Office anymore. Anyway, I was under the impression most of this was legal and grandfathered in through prior laws on Legion World and the UP at-large.
<turns to Ex, getting closer>
You know, after the Thyme Crime caper, I was fullly expecting you to take a more active life on the heroic side of the LMB. But you've proven to be quite the businessman instead. Interesting. I mean sure, you probably felt bad--you did shoot me after all.
...
...but all is forgiven.
<uses magnetism to lock front door>
I was Security Chief for years and my mind works in a specific way. I like to think I've become an expert in accounting and finance and following money trails.
<Cobalt's face is now deadly serious>
So I'd like you to tell me...who exactly are your business partners? And what else are you selling here?
Posted by Exnihil on :
<Ex sizes up Cobalt... he seems on the level, but the past few months have opened his eyes to the point where even those who he had implicitly trusted in the past have been shown to have nefarious intent. Still... if it did come down to it... the enemy of my enemy and all that. Ex relaxes>
"Grandfathered"? Yeah, that's one way to put it. Grandfathered for a price. I don't know what's been going down in the Security Office since you left, but let's just say that most anything seems to be legal these days... if you've got the dough.
So you're following a money trail, eh? I guess it doesn't take a genius to see that this place didn't build itself. But, any port in a storm, you know? Fact of the matter is... and before you say anything, let me tell you that on this front, everything has been above board... I made a deal a few months back with a certain businessman, and thus far it's been a great relationship.
Tell me, does the name Grueris Nybelif mean anything to you?
<Ex grins>
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
<a cold, almost mean, half-smile forms on Cobalt's face for a moment; he is not surprised>
The Governer of Ventura. I figured as much...you just confirmed what some of my sources were saying.
I'm a businessman too, as you know. And I've been told numerous times, Gruertis Nybelif is a sentient who always makes his business partners very rich. But then again, I've also heard numerous things about Gruertis that make me inclined not get into business with him.
<trying to size up Ex some more to see just how much Ex knows about the Governer of Ventura>
There's something different about you, Ex. Different from a few years ago during Thyme Crime. You're an opportunist, sure, but I don't think you're all that bad. So I’ll tell you something right now you might already know. The people you’re doing business with are that bad. Gruertis Nybelif and ‘Zaryan’s Casino & Resort’ are fronting you cash so you act as a distributer for their tobacco products. You say it’s all above board and well…let’s just say I think that might be a partial truth. But you’re at the tail end of a smuggling ring that encompasses much more than some tobacco products. We’re talking hard narcotics. And even more, something far sinister if my theory is correct.
<can see Exnihil isn’t exactly aghast at these accusations>
Sounds like I have a date at the casino. And you might be coming along with me.
<but before Cobie can continue any longer, suddenly all the hairs on his neck are standing up; he knows immediately via his magnetic senses that something else is in the room; and suddenly he feels immense pain all over his body, spreading quickly>
Exnihil—get down!
<he magnetically pushes back the unseen assailant but he has no idea if he’s hit anyone; both he and Exnihil hit the floor>
Ugh! Ex, are you hit too?
Posted by Exnihil on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: Ugh! Ex, are you hit too?
<from the behind the counter, Ex shouts back, as he feels a strange pressure on his forearm, not so much pain, as more of a sudden pinch>
Ahhhhhhh! HIT???
<Ex stands up, throwing off his jacket, and frantically rolling up his sleeve. He looks at his arm in bewilderment>
More like... bit!
<Sure enough, all up and down his forearm are tiny red marks looking for all the world like miniature bites. He looks at Cobalt in disbelief>
Grife... is it always this way with you guys?! I'm just trying to make a buck here, and... yet again... the world's going nuts!
I don't pretend to know what's going on with Lardy... I'll give you that. If he's shaking me down, who knows what else is going on, but I can tell you one thing... Nybelif is clean. If he's mixed up in what you claim, I'll eat my hat!
<Cobie looks adamantly unconvinced>
Fine! You want to go to Zaryan's? Let's go to Zaryan's!
<looks around his shop, shakes his head. He walks over to the cash register and hits the "No Sale" button and the drawer pops open>
In for a penny... in for a pound...
But... if we're going to see Gruertis Nybelif at the casino... a pound ain't nearly enough.
<empties the register, and puts a wad of cash in his pocket>
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
<squints to check out little bit marks on his arms to try to get a better sense of what attacked him, but Cobalt's healing powers begin to make them fade so the opportunity is quickly lost>
Okay, let's go Ex. Off to the casino.
<notices fat wad of cash in Ex's pocket but doesn't say anything>
[ February 18, 2011, 09:14 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Red Arrow on :
Question Kid notices the building is dark. That doesn't discourage him, as he quickly uses the security guards' memories to remove the locks. He ignores the stashes of tobacco and heads right towards the place's financial records, looking for anything out of the ordinary.
"Oww!" He shouted as something attempted to bit him. It was on his right hand, and Sebastian shook it off, which only made it angry. Tons of them began to swarm around him, forcing him to flee.
"Well, at least this provides me with the perfect excuse," The young man smiled. Shortly later, customers were greeted with the sign:
Notice of Hearing for the Owners Due to serious pest control violations, please appear at the Security Office... if you wish to contest this hearing please visit SOMA offices.
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Sebastian saw that his notice had been torn down and business as usual was in operation. He felt really bad at what he did at the moment. I was the worst of hypocrites wasn't I?I have been such a tool.
"At midnight all the agents , and the superhuman crew, go out and round up everyone who knows more than they do." Sebastian whispered.
"What's that, Sebastion?" Emily asked.
"Part of a song by someone named Bob Dylan. That sort of music is really popular where we come from. On Salvador, lots of young men sell themselves to politicians or drug lords. If you have superpowers, you basically either go in the Tournaments or become part of a death squad," Sebastian explained.
"I'm glad you never joined a death squad," Emily said.
Sebastian saw that Emily didn't understand why he made the reference. She was still loyal to Legionworld, even if family ties and the pursuit of science were pulling her in other directions. "Nevermind. Let's knock on the door." He knocked three times.
Posted by Exnihil on :
<Ex hobbled to the door, only recently released from Medicus Two after his encounter with the Red Bee>.
Who is banging at this hour?
<opens the door and sees Sebastian and Emily>
Ah... you two... I was expecting you sooner or later...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Emily and Sebastian looked at eachother and then back at Exxnihil. Each one was trying to think of the right thing to say. Sebastian didn't want to sound like an idiot in front of pre-cognitive, while Emily didn't want her actions to come into question again.
"I have a serious financial offer to propose," Sebastian said. "May we come in?
Posted by Exnihil on :
Financial, eh?
<Ex's mind spun back to the promise that he had made to Cobie... greed was one thing, but had had sworn that the good of Legion World had to come first. Still... that nagging dollar sign kept popping into Ex's head. What could it hurt just to hear the pair out?>
Maybe you two better come inside.
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
"Thank you.I am getting frustrated with the public sector. The government here is very ineffective," He says. "I feel like the private sector is where more good can be done. I've pretty much been doing any job that makes money. I was intelligent enough to purchase some mines after winning a Tournament, but I never did much with them."
He shakes his head, "I have been a fool. But after my encounter with the Red Bee, I have been seeing things from a new perspective. I have decided to make Sage Minerals public. I have made donations and invested in companies, and feel like I am doing the right thing. At the very least people will have jobs. I am going to set up a foundation...Anyways, my proposal is this. I will give you ten shares of stock in Sage Minerals and a CEO position."
Red Arrow said, "I will match it with shares from Sivana Technology and Knight Industries. Sivana Technology is going to have dividends next quarter and Knight Industries is developing treatments for radiation poisoning."
"Basically, what we ask for in return is your help. The civil war was bad for us all, but I think us young officers are going to suffer the most unless we act quickly. They are offering better deals to their enemies than their friends, they are actively sacrificing justice for peace. I would prefer to have both, but would settle for silence so that Celest---I mean Emily does not suffer," He said. "I am asking you to help me build a better, stronger world. Will you accept?
Posted by Exnihil on :
<Ex looked at the pair with a poker face. After a time, he walked across to his desk, and pulled out his private stock of Khundian Cohibas. Pausing to inhale the fine aroma, he then clipped the end and placed it in his mouth still unlit.>
<What game were the two playing? Everyone could see that the current administration was on the wane. Their inaction during the past weeks events spoke louder than words. But the private sector? Now that was something Ex knew something about.>
<Perhaps they had a point... however naively they were going about it. Perhaps when the government fails to protects its citizens, it was time for businessmen to take a more active interest in the publics affairs. And CEO? Not a bad addition to the old resume. Still... a bit of bad blood between me and Emily. She did try to kill me on the rooftop, had it not been for Dev. That might be worth a bit more than 10%.>
How about we say 20%, my dear Miss Sivana. We could call it... "reparations"?
<Ex grinned and lit his cigar>
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Emily asked Sebastian, "What about Hal Ferris?"
"Don't worry about our investors, especially Hal. He's in a bit of trouble with the church and is in no position to complain about anything. That's what you get for not giving your workers days off," Sebastian explained.
Emily said, "And our bank? Do you really think Aligheri will..."
Sebastian said, "Our associate is a perfect angel. You are just being paranoid."
Emily blinked. This is coming from the guy who's been attempting to get his hands on radion. "I agree to 20% as reparations," She says. Sebastian opened the brief case began to distribute the paperwork.
Posted by Exnihil on :
<As the briefcase popped open and Ex's mind started to go into negotiation mode, the slightest pang of guilt began to crop up. What are you doing, Ex? This is always how it starts. Getting involved in yet another venture with suspect bedfellows. But he quickly pushed it down.>
<No! Regardless of what these two are planning, this time I'm in it for the good of Legion World. A 20% interest in this fledgling company could mean a great deal of good could be done to help with the damage that had been inflicted over the past month>
<And... he thought ever so briefly... if I come away with a small profit for myself... what's the harm?>
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Sebastian said, "I've set us up in the suburb of Charltonburg. Our building is no Fountainhead, but it will suit our purposes," He signed and initialed one contract and passed it onto Emily, who examined it.
She whispered to Exxnihil, "He's really intelligent despite all the Rand he has read." Emily and Sebastian kept pouring over the papers and various notes they brought with them, making sure every T was crossed and every i was dotted.
Posted by rickshaw1 on :
*puffin' on a Corona right now as I type this. Posted by future king on :
You guys should REALLY think about quittin' soon!
Nah, just joshin' ya, do what you like ... I'm no judge. Posted by rickshaw1 on :
Gonna die of sump'in. Might as well be somethin' you like.
I personally wanna die in bed as my last check barely clears and the missus and I have just wrecked the bed. But, thats just me.
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
"Everything looks in order to me. What do you think Emily?" Sebastian said. This is a pivotal moment in my life. This is like when the prophet Nathan met Solomon.
"Everything is in order," She said. "Wait until you get the invites to my familie's conferences and parties. We're always fascinated by new money..." Emily then realized she said the wrong thing and covered her mouth. Her face blushed crimson out of shame. "I am so sorry. But everything does look excellant."
Posted by Renly Fox on :
< enters >
Ah, now this is a shop for me.
Though I'd rather not get my hopes up, the first order of business is is to see if this shop has the legendary and hard to find Southfarthing weed, hand-grown by hard-working Hobbits in the far off Shire.
Posted by Rond Vidar on :
Some time later
< knocks >
< knocks again >
Hello? I must be late.
< with a sardonic smile, gets back into his time bubble >
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Rats, and I wanted to see Ex off before he left. After all, Blaze and I will be going away for quite a while...
Hey, what's this....
Some black... powder?
Posted by Exnihil on :
Two weeks later:
<The chimes jingle as Exnihil enters his shop, smiling>
Though he has spent the last four years building his name as a holo-vid producer, this place - his very first Legion World venture - still held a place in his heart.
As much as the bottom had dropped out of the tobacco market for smaller shops like his after some of the larger players had lobbied for prohibitive import tariffs, Ex still held on to the old place, more out of nostalgia than any real chance of turning a profit.
Still... there was the occasional special order that made it worthwhile... some special blend or another that the big boys couldn't be bothered with. It was then when Ex would step in. He loved the thrill of the hunt.
<Ex places the tin on the counter>
This particular mix had been very difficult to track down, taking him to the island of New Zealand on the planet Earth - during a solar eclipse no less... but Ex didn't want to be reminded of all that right now. No, now he just wanted to bask in the glow of having, once again, been able to prove that the Tobacconihilist still had a place in this world.
<He lifts the lid, and regards his "treasure", speaking to himself with an air of self-satisfaction>
"Never let it be said that Ex isn't a man of his word. Southfarthing weed you asked for, Mr. Fox, and southfarthing weed you shall have. Hmmmm..."
<looking around>
"...now where did he place his card? Crap... I never got his info. How am I supposed to find this guy?"
<thinks, then shrugs>
"Well... if he wants it bad enough, I'm sure he'll come back. In the mean time... it looks likes it's about "SHAKES-o'clock"."
<closes up the tin, and locking the shop back up, Ex heads off to grab a drink at SHAKES>
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