Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum LMB Infinite Crisis: The Daleks' Project

Previously on LMB Infinite Crisis:
And now, on LMB Infinite Crisis:

Now, it is time. This universe is perverted with unDalek filth. They must be exterminated.

Yikes.

*flies away quickly*

FIRST OR-DER OF BUSI-NESS: CRE-ATE CLONE OF TRU-STED FORM-ER MEMB-ER OF THE L-M-B TO USE AS A FRONT. OUR PLANS MUST NOT BE DE-TEC-TED BEFORE WE ARE ABLE TO ANH-EYE-IL-ATE THEM ALL.

From a darkened corner of the room, Faraway Lad walks into the middle of the Dalek assembly.

“Oh hello aren’t you all supposed to be dead”

A Black command Dalek slid forward. Somehow for a machine its eye stalk stared malevolently at Faraway.

“SEN-SORS IN-DI-CATE, HUMAN”

All of the thousands of Daleks moved their weapons towards Faraway.

“Now hang on a moment, I know you want to kill me but can you answer a question first” said Faraway.

“QUEST-IONS ARE IRREL-IVENT” intoned the Black Dalek, “YOU ARE IN-FERIOR, YOU MEMORIES ARE OURS, YOU WILL BE EX-TERM-IN-ATED. YOUR MEMORIES OF ALT-ER-NATIVE RE-ALITIES WILL BE OURS”

“So that’s what your after, memories, brilliant, that’s just it” said Faraway in a northern voice, a broad grin across his face, “a few seconds ago you were huge white ticks now this? Some one is messing about with space and time, who is it”?

The Black Dalek was joined by two Red Engineering Daleks, small insectiod tentacles waving, barely seen inside the black plastic cup attached to the right arm stalk.

“MEMORIES ARE TO BE ASSIM-ILATED, BODY HUSK TO BE DISCARDED, DALEKS WILL REMAIN, IN-FERIOR SPECIES WILL CEASE TO BE”

The two engineers glided towards Faraway backing him into a corner. As they approached the lights on the upper casing flashed as the chorused in unison,

“EX-TERM-IN-ATE, EX-TERM-IN-ATE”

Faraway Lad looked around, “Reboot old chap I think now would be a good time”

<Harbinger, mistaking this for her giant salt and pepper pot collection convention, walks in, holding two bottles of Chablis -2002, #8-99 from Tescos in case you wondered - it's really rather good!- on a round, glass tray, with four long stemmed fluted glasses upon it>

"Evening Darden, fancy seeing you here, fancy a glass?" <And without waiting for an answer Harbinger manages, in a sublimely dexterous manner indicating years of practice, pours Faraway a glass - WITHOUT dropping the tray, jiggling the glasses in an alarming manner or spilling any!>

"HU-MAN! YOU WILL WAIT THERE TO BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED!!"

<Harbi slips the glass into the path of the Daleks memory sucking stalk. The Dalek sips at it then begins to gently shudder>

"HU-MAN! THE DAL-EKS ORDER YOU TO REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE!!" <The Dalek begins to glug earnestly at the glass of delightful white. As it does the semispherical decoration around the Dalek begins to glow in apparently random colours, reminding both Faraway and Harbinger of cheesy disco light boxes from their mispent youths in social clubs, upstairs in bars and dodgy family get-togethers in the 1980s. In case you wonder -in Newcastle and NE Scotland respectively>

<Harbi turns to Faraway with a straight face and says..>

In a voice that reminded him of 4 sweet Irish lasses,

“I’m in the mood for dancing,…..romancing….”

Taking his hand, Harbinger placed her hand bag on the floor and the two started to dance.

The disco light Dalek pulsated with various colours and two more approached,.


HALT. HU-MANS MUST STOP, THIS DOES NOT COM-PUTE


“Get me close to them Far” whispered Harbinger in Faraway’s Ear.

Faraway quickly called up some old almost forgotten songs from his embarrassing teenage years., and started to play them through his Sony mp7 player.


“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA gaa do do do, push pineapple….

The song pulsed through the room and together Faraway and Harbinger moved towards the confused Daleks. Approaching them Harbinger was able to quickly un cork and pour three glasses of Chardonnay into the memory sucking stalk into the three approaching Daleks.

As the drink took effect the casings of these Daleks also started to pulsate and glow, red and green lights played over the heroes.


“WHAT IS THIS” called a Dalek, “E -MER - GANCY, E -MER - GANCY, THIS LIQUID MAKES ME AH AH AH AH AH ……..CAN YOU FEEL THE FORCE”


Two Daleks spun around, their arm stalks thrusting into the air in time to the music, as they sang.

“AHH AHH AHH AHH STAY-ING A-LIVE, STAY-ING A-LIVE”


“Its working Harbinger” said Faraway, “Our memories of misspent youths in social clubs, upstairs in bars and dodgy family get-togethers in the 1980s is taking over the Ticks/Daleks, its making them useless”


A noise made Harbinger look up to see a large balloon filled net, but even more worrying airborne Daleks gliding down from the balcony as the music turned into some thing you only heard late at night when it was the last chance to score stuff before your last bus home.

Softly the music swelled, the Daleks casing dimmed and the soft smoochy sounds filled the air.

The Daleks who had been clustered around the dance floor, watching the dancing Faraway and Harbinger, started to move forward as the deadly, chilling and horrifying sounds of the Bee Gees mixed with the voices of the Daleks as they chanted

“MORE THAN A WO-MAN, SHE IS MORE THAN A WO-MAN TO ME ....AND MUST BE EX-TERM-INATED”

Harbinger look at Faraway and grabbed his arm. “Ermm now might be a good time to do that thing you do Darden”


“I would love to take us faraway Harby but we cant just leave the Daleks here, once the bar is closed they will be let out into the street and tanked up like they are they will be looking for a fight”


Harbinger looked up, “Far, look! Can you get us up there?”


Faraway looked up and smiled. “hold on I know just the music for that he said” and reaching down to his mp7 player he played out at top volume……

*INTERLUDE*

OK, is it just me or does this whole thread mean almost nothing to anyone A) outside the UK or B) born any later than about 1977?

Of course, that means I'm loving it but I just have an image of a lot of LMBPers sitting there not quite getting the nuances so far.

*END INTERLUDE*

*all Daleks wak-e up*

1) RE-LEASE THE CLO-NE
2) RE-LEASE THE CLO-NE
3) RE-LEASE THE CLO-NE
4) RE-LEASE THE CLO-NE

*pod op-ens*

*exits the pod and bows to the Emperor*

I am here, my masters.

*INTERLUDE*

Depends, I get the Dalek stuff, but not the Ancient Music references

*END INTERLUDE*

<from out of Faraways MP3 player erupts the song most guaranteed to get drunks singing at the end of a cheesy disco, something that even Daleks would try to sing along to, and thankfully it has more verses than the Psalms, giving our intrepid heroes the chance to flee, get aid and come back - hopefully!>

"a long, long, time ago
I can still remember how the music used to make me smile,
And I knew if I had my chance...."

Dom Macleans American pie spills out, the Disco Daleks light show turns blue and white - which everyone knows on Top of the Pops means it's a 'serious' or even more unusual, an 'intelligent' song. Individual Daleks, picking up on the cue that this means it's the end of the night and they have still to pull desperately start tired and hopeless chat up lines, awkwardly colliding with each other in their panic not to be seen leaving this place alone!

Faraway and Harbi athletically climb up to the balcony, overlooking the brownian motion of designer deathmachines below them.

"Now Darden, if you would be so kind to get us the heck out of here so we can get some help?"

<From below they can hear the Daleks singing "DO YOU BE-LIEVE IN ROCK-N-ROLL, CAN MU-SIC HEAL YOUR MOR-TAL SOUL AND CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO DANCE REAL SLOOOOOW">

Darden, with a straight face and an ironic glint in his eyes says "Are you sure now B, we could still catch the end of the last dance if you want?"

Harbingers eye's glisten in the light reflecting from the glitter disco ball in the ceiling (or is that a Dalek monitoring Globe, hard to tell) She breathes in and catches a wisp of scent from Faraway. Moistening her full attractive lips with the tip of her tongue, she flips her hair away from her eye with a small coquettish manner and smiles.

The sounds of the music sweep over the pair and all motion around them slows, all They can see is each other, all they can hear is the sounds of their own voices. Faraway and Harbinger move closer together, Harbinger raises her face to Faraway her lips part and.......


“Get a grip of yourself Far", she says her Scottish accent cutting through the music, "it’s that ‘last song of the Disco moment’ its affecting all the Daleks true but its so strong its affecting us as well”.

Grabbing his elbow she shook Faraway.

“wha? Wassat?” spluttered Faraway like he was walking from a deep deep dream, “Harbi, did I just try to …..”

“Never mind all that ya wee fool” said Harbinger, “we’ll sort this all out over a pint or two of Skullspiller in Shakes. NOW” she said stamping her foot “get us out of here”

Faraway activated his powers to go Faraway and in a micro second the two LMBP’ers found themselves in……

We leave the two heroes elsewhere,

Meanwhile in the Dalek disco there is a puff of sulphurous smoke and getting down to the beat, discoing amongst the Daleks with a huge happy smile on his face, jives the king of the swingers (swinging from a gibbet that is) straight from the disco inferno itself, strides the LMBP’s very own Boogieman.

Stopping in front of a twisting twirling Dalek, Disco Dedman smiles, “hey you guys have a shiny head just like mine”

“WE HAVE SCO-RED” Says the Dalek next to Dedman. “WE WILL TAKE OUR PRIS-ON-ER TO THE SUPREME DALEK”

Moving Dedman along as the music played “come on and dance to the beat….” They took Dedman to the audience chamber.

Whilst the Daleks pushed him along, Dedman was still grooving to the beat playing in his own head, as he entered the audience chamber. Slowly the dancing boogieman’s smile faded as he saw the mighty Dalek Emperor in front of him.

You are not dalek, yet neither are you human!” the voice echoed seemingly coming from all corners of the room at once. “Still it matters not, you are not one of my creations, therefore you are impure and an abomination. My Daleks will exterminate you now”


“Wait your Majesty” calls a voice which Dedman recognizes “let me prove my worth to you now”

A figure steps out from the shadows

“Reboot old chum” smiles a relived Dedman, “now can you tell me what’s going on here?”


Smiling the clone of R walks towards Dedman, “of course I can Deddy old chum ”

The clone of R walks behind Dedman and takes out a very large futuristic gun and shoots Dedman in the back of the head. Dedmans body falls rather messily to the floor; there is a silence as the Daleks await orders.

“I could tell you what is going on but I choose not to” Says the clone of R

exterminate!
Exterminate!
EX TERM I NATE!
EXTERMINATE!

ah. I feel better now.

*watches events with amusement*

boo yah!