Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum Numfs Campaigning Travelling Rowie Emporium.

Dear friends – welcome aboard Numfs Campaigning Travelling Rowie Emporium.

Realising that the membership is spread far and wide, I have decided to take myself out to you, the voters, rather than sit on my fat arse waiting for the voters to come to me (like some other fat arses seem to be doing).

As you can see, this mobile comestible serving vehicle is not too different from your standard ambulance on the outside, well, apart from the tartan paint. Do you realize just how many shops I had to search through before I found a tin? Even in Aberdeen! Unbelievable!

In, through the back doors, you will see a small standing area and the small counter, from which rowies, and various other foodstuffs can, and will, be served. Free, non gratis etc. And I’m assuming that you have at least a notion of how much those words hurt to a Scotsman, and doubly so for an Aberdonian.

It is also the area from which you can ask me questions relating to the upcoming election. I assume that you have read my election promises. However, you don’t have to restrict your questions to these matters.

For anyone who doesn’t know anything about rowies, here’s a link for you explaining the possible cultural background and a recipe for anyone who wants to try baking them :-

http://www.scotfood.org/recipes/arolls.htm

However, I propose to take the humble buttery one stage further!
For a limited time only I am going to be producing for your delectations - Multi-Cultural Rowies. (Using only the best Aitkens rowies available.)

I realize that Legionworld features many cultures, and henceforth (at least until the end of voting – and possibly beyond) I am going to provide the following varieties :-

Pepperoni pizza rowies
Rowie Bolognaise

Giant plain, garlic and peshwari rowies.

Donner rowies.

You can also get your plain rowies sliced flatways, and filled with your favourite from the following :-

Scottish breakfast rowies – toasted gently and covered with butter and preserves to individuals taste (not sliced).

Scottish dinner rowies –
Filled with haggis, neeps and tatties.

English breakfast rowies – choose any one or more of the following fillings :-
Bacon, fried eggs, mushrooms (magic or otherwise) black pudding & square sausage.

American rowies –
Filled with quarter-pounders, cheese, bacon, coleslaw, chilli etc.

German rowies –
Filled with Liverwurst and sauerkraut.

French rowies –
Stereotypically filled with snails, frogs legs and horse flesh (I don’t think this will be one of the favourites).


If you have any request then please do not hesitate to ask, and I’ll see what I can do e.g. I already have my spies out searching for me so that I can supply MEL with chilled monkey brains and sweet and sour monkey nut fillings.

So, come aboard and get stuck in!

P.S. vegetarian and diet rowies are available on request.

There has a monkey around here lately, looking for trouble....

All the free food is appreciated of course, although this may go against the grain of loveable stereotyping. In exchange, here is the only Scottish joke, or joke about Scots, I know: What is the difference between a coconut and a Scot? <span class="spoiler_containter"><span class="spoiler_wording">Click Here For A Spoiler</span><span class="spoiler_text">You can get a drink out of a coconut.</span></span> Hilarious, right?

Being from the planet Ggrrgg, I'm more partial to all rowies that include hallucinagetic mushrooms and bacon!

Numf, Numf he's our man!
If he can't do it no one can!

You've got my vote mate!

You do have Irn Bru here don't you?

Here's another Scottish joke.

I originaly (or is that originally?) heard Jackie Mason tell this about his Jewish father but it can be applied to the Scottish stereotype as well.

A little Scottish boy asks his dad for 50 pence to buy sweeties.

"50 pence?!?!" says dad.
"What do you want with 40 pence? 30 pence is a lot of money. I can't just go about giving 20 pence to everyone that wants 10 pence. When I was wee your Grandad had to work all week down the mines to get 5 pence and you want me to give you 4 pence just like that?!?!

# sigh #

Oh well, you're my son, I love you and if you want 3 pence then I'll give you your 2 pence.

Here, 1 pence.

Don't spend it all at once!

Thanks for dropping in - it's good to see you all.

FC - as Billy Connolly once said, copper wire was invented by two Scotsmen fighting over a penny.

And to disprove the myth, I've got a wee dram of 25 year old MacAllans here with your name on it, if you're interested.

Cobie - One magic 'shroom and smoked bacon ('Is that your Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw, I'm jist warming my hands.') stuffed rowie coming up in just a second. Is that enough mushies for you? Good.
Now, would a touch of the MacAllans go down well on top of that? Excellent, that's what I thought. Get it down your throat (as the bishop said to the actress).

wwc - thanks for the vote of confidence. BTW - if you think that's a joke you obviously have never met my dad! Now, if you're interested I can do you a rowie with a slice of Drambuie soaked porridge .... No? Okay, MacAllans for you too then?

Glenfiddich, Guinness or "The Bru" for me mate.

I wont say no to a spot of Scotts Porage Oats though. Salt not sugar.

I sound like James Bond ordering breakfast!

Free rowies?? Like as many as I want? And for FREE?? Wow...

VOTE NUMF!!!

wwc - Hows about a glass of each? Is that porridge with or without the rowie? On a plate at the side? Fine.

Sonnie! Good to see you bruv. Get stuck in, min.

Thanks for all your support, people.
It's much appreciated.

Any more for any more?

No - I guess it must be time to move on to the oral sex then.

Anyway... did you notice how the other candiidates have jumped onto the rowie bandwagon? Bet they cannae spot a thains rowie at 100 paces....

Absolutely - they're obviously clutching at straws in their desperate bid to gain extra votes.

Prostituting themselves!

Everyone knows that I'm the Official Aitkens Rowie candidate around here!

As for 100 paces - would they know a Thains rowie if they were slapped across the bare arse with one? I don't think so!

What's this I hear about oral sex?

Well, get down on your knees in front of me ......


I've been dying for someone to ask.

Gee, Numf, I didn't know you could do it lying down. Be careful, you don't want to choke now.

Wouldn't it be easier if I stood up?

What you're offering oral sex and skelped arses for votes?

But I've allready voted?!

DAMN!!!

Ya great numpty! That's the knot hole in the wooden floor! Put your glasses back on.
Careful pulling it out - you don't want splinters.

The right person at the right time may even get both at the same time !

If they're lucky!

And we may have some Irn Bru left too. For energy and interesting sensations.
(I bet you'll never look at Barrs in the same way ever again, will ya?)

I VOTE FOR INVISIBLE BRAINIAC!!!!!

So, you want to vote in a boy who's so blind / stupid / desperate that he'll shag a hole in the floor because he can't listen to simple instructions ?
I haven't heard him scream, so I'm assuming that he didn't get splinters from that small hole.

Well, that combines aspects of both Clinton and George Dubya (horny as a goat, and stupid), so I suppose it just about covers the broad spectrum of American politics in one go.

<eats shroon rowies>

Hopefully I'll be full-on tripping when Numf gets Harbinger all riled up like the old days--no campaign emporium is complete without a riled up Scottish woman!