Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Why I couldn't be the hero...

428. Because I was heroic over the course of many lifetimes, and must even out the karmic balance by being completely evil.

From the pages of Impossible Inc...


429. I made it a new year's resolution to be a hero. So it lasted all of five minutes like everyone else's resolutions.

LOL

You guys are the best!

430. Heroes, bah! They're nothing but apologists for the status quo. And by status quo, of course, I mean crappy guitar bands who should've called it a day long ago. Rock THIS all over the world, you ______!

I can't believe What You're Proposing. It's like you're Down Down on hearing the Quo Again and Again. I could go Running All Over The World to find a chart expert to show their success. But we've got The Wanderer right here on LW already.

431. My symbiotic costume was supposed to be my foe. And it is. But it wanted to be the good guy.

432. I got bit by a radioactive spider, and all I got was a numb arm and a perpetual drool!

433. I lost my secret decoder ring when I was helpin' birthin' that space calf! *horchpetooiee

434. They said I was too obsessive. But gee, I thought that was a REQUIREMENT for being a hero! Just look at Batman, or the Punisher...

435. Yes, mah pimp han' is strowng! Cuz I'ma pimp. Kinda kills tha hero thang, don't it Claudine?!

436. I auditioned like everyone else... then that mean Simon started laughing at me.. and he was very mean... and I may have accidentally killed them all... but you understand, right?

437. I kept "ZAAAKKKKK"ing off too quickly! -Premature Lazer Man

438. Athlete's Foot (though Superhero Foot would've been okay... if I only knew what that was)

439. I kept procrastinating the whole fighting crime bit. I mean, it's not my fault I can't get out of bed before 8am... I'm not a morning person!

(I was still honoring 420 well after) 440. ... if you get my drift.

441. … because my future self came back in time to show me the futility of my crime fighting career.

442. I kept crushing the hands of people asking me for handshakes... stupid super strength...

443. Slipped one mash-thought too many into J'onn J'onzz's mind while he was trying to chair the weekly meetings.

444. I kept tripping on my fabulously long cape.

445. I provided the raw building materials for dozens of houses for the poor, but when they found out my power was to **** bricks.... well....

445½. With little power comes little responsibility.

446. Turns out, having the power to spread STDs by having sex with villains is a power that, well, everyone in the world has... dang...

448. We were so amped before our first time travel trip! We couldn't wait to see our bright shining future. Except that we really do wipe ourselves out over climate change. There didn't seem to be much point after that.

447. I broke the laws of mathematics repeatedly.

448. My amazing powers come from my symbiotic alien costume, which is, embarassingly, not comfortable with crowds and oozes away to hide and leaves me powerless (and naked!) whenever a bunch of people are around...

449. Stan Lee cast me as a villain

450. I was drawn by Rob Liefield. Between the massive hyperthyroid pectoral muscles, the hundreds of tiny pouches everywhere, and the teensy ballerina-like feet, I kept toppling over. *sob* <choke>

451. I was excited to be on the cover, finally! But it turned out to be one of those 'One of these heroes dies!' covers, and the other people were more popular...