Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

Granted, Earth is visited by the pacifists of Ironic IV. They fire their "war no more" ray. A soft pearly white light encircles the globe. The pacifists leave happy in the knowledge that all war has ceased on Earth. The next alien visitors are able to decypher the phrase "war no more" that was etched on this barren lifeless rock in space.

I wish I had more good books to read and the time to read them.

Granted. The Twilight Zone/Burgess Meredith curse kicks in, and you are rendered unable to read your wealth of good books although you have all the time in the world.

I wish sugar tasted unpleasant.

Granted! Sugar tastes unpleasant, but you still can't stop eating it. So now, you get all the negative consequences, like fat and tooth decay, but you don't get the lovely sweet memory attached.

I wish there was no classism.

Granted! The Western concept of "class" has been replaced by a very strict caste system.

I wish the cool dream that I had last night, in which most of my friends and I were superheroes, were reality.

Granted:
However, the other dream -- where you show up at school in your underwear only to find that your calculus class has been moved to another building, and today is the final exam -- is true, too -- and your so-called friend Calculus King has already turned in his test and left the room.

I wish giving up caffeine didn't make me so cranky, dammit!

Granted. It makes you whiney instead.

I wish I could speak & understand a second language fluently.

You speak French perfectly, and you pepper your English conversation with french phrases. People think you are a pretentious language snob and refuse to talk to you in English or French.
Auf wiedersehen.

I wish I had a cup of coffee.

Granted. You now have a perfect cup of coffee. The remainder of your possessions, including your clothes, vanish to maintain cosmic balance.

I wish History was a more popular subject in school.

Granted!
History is more popular. However, looking back upon the past proves to create a grim future. With less science and math majors, there are less doctors and engineers, stagnating progress.

I wish for a bright future!

Granted:
You've been launched into the sun. I hope you packed your SPF 10,000 sun screen.

I wish my agency's location were closer to Dupont Circle or Georgetown.

Granted. Your agency has relocated to Georgetown, Massachusetts. A quiet little town where not much goes on.

I wish I were the Adam character in the movie Adam and Steve and Malcolm Gets would sweep me off my feet and marry me.

Granted! You're swept off your feet and crack your head on the ground. You end up in a coma, but at least you're married!

I wish mermaids were real.

Granted!

Now everyone on Earth is a mermaid. And yes, that includes the guys, too.

I wish I could be the only merman on this new world.

Granted. You are now Ethel Merman.

I wish my construction work on my condo would be finished today.

Granted it is finished today May 18, 2006. It was also done all wrong.

I wish I didn't have to search for a job.

Granted

You have a lifetime appointment as the press secretary for President Bush and his -- believe it or not -- even more unpalatable, infathomable successors. Have fun explaning their positions on gas prices, same sex-marriage, pension and health care reforms, and the environment.

I wish the incredibly cute biker I saw at the Bike-to-Work rally today would ... ummm ... bike in front of me more often.

A lifetime appontment, eh? Then I can say whatever I want and not get fired. Cool!!!!!!!!

As for your wish:

Granted and each time he bikes in front of you, you stop paying attention to the road and ride into oncoming traffic. You routinely spend half the year in traction.

I wish there was more good news in the world.

Granted. The bowl of Wheaties I had for breakfast was delicious. My dog is happy and healthy. I just got season one of Superboy on DVD (John Haymes Newton--woof! ). There's plenty of good news!

I wish I could tap dance.

Granted!
But you should have checked the color of those tap shoes... they happen to be red. And for some reason, you can't STOP tap dancing!

(A swipe from Hans Christian Andersen, I know. But it's a classic...)

My wish? I wish to be able to heal people, without having to take their wounds into myself.

Granted. The good you do is real, but the enormity of the world's suffering is all yours to see. (How do you sleep at night?!!)

I wish I had Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s home phone number and knew his favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry's.

Granted. Unfortunately, he's never home and is lactose intolerant.

I wish they'd make a new Star Trek series.

Granted, but in neglecting to specify "they," the "nasty" genie chose its favorite director/writer/choreographer, Carrot Top.

I wish I had the entire run of "Barney Miller" on DVD.

Granted. The complete Latvian-dubbed series, complete with "Fish" outtakes (from all 4 episodes of that beloved spinoff!) are yours. You do have a Latiantech-compatable DVD player, right?

I wish I could find the Red Kryptonite version of Viagra.

Granted, It also causes you to smell like garbage that has been in the hot July sun for 7 days, your skin becomes the consistancy of broken glass, and you look like the Danny DeVito Penguin. And remember that Red Kryptonite only works one time.

I wish that everyone would do everything I tell them to.

Granted. When you sang, "We wish you a Mary Christmas" everyone in the world turned nelly. No one procreated, the species came to an end, and the genie lived happily in solitary bliss.
(See THIS is why we can't have nice things!)

sigh. I wish I was having a Mary Christmas.