Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business The Super-Jailhouse of Space!!!

For the full story from the beginning, contact Kid Prime, but here's a summary of the first part:

"Once upon a time, four great heroes, members of the mighty LMB, had just completed an important mission to the faraway planet Fornicatia. While three of their number, the noble Hummer Lass, the brave Lucien Lad, and the studly Raging Bull, stayed behind on Fornicatia to clean up some loose ends, the third, the dashing Lash Lad, sped back to LMB headquarters to prepare for further adventures.

Little did they know their Fornicatia mission was far from over, for evil forces reigned on this so-called "pleasure planet". It had been secretly taken over by the LMB's arch-rivals, the anti-LMB! Led by the treachorous Behind-You Boy, the anti-LMB had enslaved the populace of Fornicatia to make them do their own bidding. They had allied themselves with the mysterious One Called the One, as well as the villainous Odran, proprietor of the Super-Jailhouse of Space!

Odran's agents captured Lash Lad upon his return to Earth, and brought him to the Super-Jailhouse where he met several fellow prisoners who had had their spirits crushed by Odran's torture. The once foul-mouthed Potty-Mouth Master (a clone of LMB ally Eryk Davis Ester) was a nervous shell of his former self. A wretch of a man claimed to have once been called "Boy Beautiful". In an attempt to free himself from this horrible place, Lash activated the special LMB signal device in his ass.

Two loyal LMBers picked up Lash's signal, though they responded in very different ways. Umber returned Lash's call only to be teleported by the signal device to the Super-Jailhouse. Leap Year Lass, on monitor duty in LMB HQ, assembled a team of LMBers to rescue Lash Lad.

Soon after Umber was brought to the Super-Jailhouse, it was realized that her presence would not go unnoticed by Odran's clone guards. Fortunately, help seemed to be on the way in the form of missing LMBer Senor Widebottom, who as it turned out was himself a prisoner of the Super-Jailhouse. Reluctantly, Umber hid in the Senor's humorously over-sized pantaloons. The scheme might have worked, had it not been for the presence of the prisoner known as Obvious Traitor Boy, who revealed both Umber's location and Lash's ass alarm to Odran's guards.

In the attempt to find Umber in the depths of Senor Widebottom's gigantic clown pants, Obvious Traitor Boy was bitten by radioactive mongoose and had to be taken to the jailhouse infirmary. But Umber was found soon enough, and as Lash Lad was taken to the anal probe lab for removal of his ass alarm, the Senor and Umber fail victim to Odran's most hideous power, that of super-fatassing.

Lash Lad escaped the anal probe lab when his ass alarm was accidentally activated upon removal, interrupting one of Lardlad's sex romps to teleport him to the lab. He quickly dispatched Odran's thugs and freed Lash, only to teleport back to his activities. Unknown to Lardy, the villain Salad-Tosser Lord had also been transported to the lab, via a stolen LMB commicator he had acquired during a previous adventure. Lash Lad quickly defeats Salad-Tosser Lord and drags his unconscious body to the main cell of the Super-Jailhouse, and dispatches Odran's clones in the room, before Odran himself can react.

Meanwhile, Leap Year Lass had assembled a team to rescue Lash Lad, consisting of Space Tary, Beagle Boy, Omega Man, Faraway Lad, Grey Birdboy, and Shady. They had to delay their mission to help Lash, however, to hold scheduled LMB tryouts. The tryouts, which featured applicants Penis-Eradicator Lad, Nads-Kicker Lass, and Bowel Burst Boy, was interrupted by an attack by what seemed to be the LMB's allies, the Light Brigade. With the help of the applicants, the LMB defeated the Light Brigade, only to discover that they were in fact clones of the Light Brigade created on Fornicatia by the evil Behind-You Boy.

The LMBers quickly admitted Penis-Eradicator Lad and Nads-Kicker Lass, who, unknown to them, were secretly spies sent by the One Called the One, into their ranks, and were about to rescue Lash Lad, when suddenly a call came in from Austria (which optimusmagnus was currently in the form of) that Entropy Spinach had been sighted. They quickly decided Lash would have to handle himself, and departed for Austria.

Meanwhile, Lash Lad and the other prisoners in the Super-Jailhouse stood facing Odran. By taunting Potty-Mouth Master, Lash restored his vile tongue, which led to his angrily rushing Lash, who quickly stepped out of the way, leading to a collision between Potty-Mouth Master's super-charged mouth and Odran's crotch. The resulting explosion teleported Grey Birdboy from the LMB shuttle that had just reached Austria to the Super-Jailhouse, causing the LMB shuttle to crash in Austria.

Meanwhile, back on Fornicatia, Hummer Lass and Lucien Lad had made a strange discover of an ancient artifact, the Emerald Dildo of Ekkron! Meanwhile, they found themselves strangely attracted to one another, and gave into their desires, and a few time-distorting flashes of Emerald Energy later, found themselves the proud parents of twin calves, soon changed to normal babies by that ever-beautiful and resourceful Emerald Dildo fairy! I think she's the coolest character in this story by far! Maybe we should just make the rest of the story about her...?

Oh well, at this point the other LMBer on Fornicatia, Raging Bull, had discovered some of the anti-LMB's activities on the planet, in the form a large thrall of clones of his teammate Lash Lad. These clones lustfully chased him for many miles, until he located the cave where Hummer Lass and Lucien Lad were hidden.

Meanwhile, the anti-LMB had begun phase two of their hideous plan, the invasion of Canada! The army of Fornicatia, known as the Whore Horde, quickly overwhelmed Canadian LMBers the Labradorian and Fat Cramer.

...And, in one other sub-plot, which isn't clear how it connect to the rest, the evil Lisp Lass (who doesn't Lisp but speaks like Elmer Fudd), is watching all of the various activities from a base on the far side of the planetoid on which the Super-Jailhouse is located. Her exact motivations, or how she came to be as an independent entity (since she was originally a transformed version of the One Called the One) has yet to be revealed.

Rody the Super-Rat, however, with his keen nose for the affairs of evil-doers, has been spying on Lisp Lass, and tried to contact the LMB super-pets for assistance, thought the signal was instead intercepted by LMB allies Turns-You-Into-a Country Kid and his best friend Clothes-Fall Off Fred, who contact LMB HQ for help.

Leap Year Lass, still on duty at LMB HG, realizes that the only way she can deal with all the crises that are presently going on is to split herself into numerous alternate IDs, and send them in pairs to the varioius crisis points. So LYL and Tarik the Mute's android teleport to the Super-Jailhouse; Mekt Ranzz and Quinn M, Only Child teleport to Fornicatia; Society Girl and Truckstop Debutante teleport to Fred and TYIACK's spaceship; and Triad's Neutral, Purple, and Orange teleport to Canada, along with Hi-Risk von Tingle.

LYL and TtMA nearly turn the tide against Odran, except for the unexpected return of the radioactive-mongoose charged Obvious Traitor Boy, who disposes of everyone present, takes over the Super-Jailhouse, and straps Lash Lad, Grey Birdboy, and Leapy into Dream Machines. Leapy awakes from her dream to realize what was going on, teleports out of the machine, tries to find what happened to fatassed Umber and fatassed Senor Widebottom, and so manages to locate the other prisoners in the mines. Just as Boy Beautiful is about to reveal the location of her friends, Obvious Traitor Boy returns and restores his good looks, making him switch his loyalties to Obvious Traitor Boy. Even the presence of the Light Brigade, who had been sent to the Super-Jailhouse after being cloned by the anti-LMB on Fornicatia, fails to turn the tide, because most of them fall prey to Boy Beautiful's boyish good looks.

In Canada, the Triads and Hi-Risk von Tingle aren't having much more success turning the tide, but they do recruit another Canadian LMBer, the Man from Cargg, to help.

On the spaceship, Society Girl and Truckstop Debutante really have done much, either, other than listen to the story of how Fred and TYIACK got unmerged.

Mekt Ranzz and Quinn M. Only Child had a bit more success, as Mekt was able to save the other LMBers from the hordes of Lash clones with a little lightning.

Alright... meanwhile, in one last sub-plot, the Boyz, having psychically felt Umber's super-fatassing, began scurrying the galaxy for the one person who could save her from this fate, her parallel-universe counterpart Amber, who they tracked to a bar in the far corned of the universe. At the bar was also a bitchy son of bitch named Bitch Lad, who was teleported away by a mysterious stranger who was borrowing dialogue from the Dream Crime arc. They found Amber, who dissed them in favor of leaving with her new girlfriend, who appeared to be Jennifer Anniston but is apparently Eryk Davis Ester's parallel-universe gender-reversed evil clone Lucifer Lass.

Meanwhile... Lardlad had finally decided to put his pants on and help out with the mission. For some reason, he felt it was necessary to find the missing Eryk Davis Ester, who he had allowed everyone else to believe was merely a manifestation of the Lardforce, and had been subsumed back into him. But where was Eryk Davis Ester, well, all we know is that he was dreaming about masturbation, and woke up."

And the story continues:

Suddenly, inexplicably, all of EDE's hard work on summarizing the story thus far was rendered into a steaming pile of wasted effort, as the current LMB Continuity was mysteriously destroyed by an eerie cataclysm, NEVER to return!

In its stead stood the NEW current LMB Continuity-- a continuity in which all members of the team were funny-animals!

"This quackin' SUCKS!" honked Eryk Duckvis Ester. "I concuuuuur!" baa'ed Shadysheep.

"Awwww, MAN!!! I'm a dawg for REAL now!" barked Lash Lab.

"ALL PART OF MY MASTER PLAN!" screeched a human voice behind the assembled animal LMBers! They whirled (or waddled, or turned on all fours, whatever) around to see the visage of......

Petting Zoo King!

"That's correct, LMB! You're all trapped in my Petting Zoo of Doom where hyperactive children will come in and annoy the shit outta you until you scream to die a thousand deaths!! BWA HA HA HA!"

"Oh NO!" wailed Kid Primepanda. "What a nefarious ploy!" spat Lardllama. "You'll never get AWAY with this!" brayed Senor Assbottom.

"Oh, WON'T I?" Petting Zoo King taunted in reply. "RELEASE THE HYPERACTIVE CHILDREN!!!!

Oh, WON'T I?" Petting Zoo King taunted in reply. "RELEASE THE HYPERACTIVE CHILDREN!!!!

Grey Birdboy woke up in a complete fright. Oddly enough, he had been SHARING Lash Lad's dream about the funny animals, being strapped in to the Dream Machine next to Lash, as he was.

He turned to Lash Lad and said...

"That wasn't REALLY a dream, was it?"

"Nope" Lash Lad replied. "There really IS a funny-animal dimension LMB. The PETTING ZOO OF DOOM storyline is now occuring concurrently with this one, resulting in an even MORE convoluted overall story!"

"All I know" Greybird said, "is I'm not so fond of any reality where I'm a rooster code-named Greycock..."

But before Grey Birdboy could say what he wanted to say, Eryk Davis Ester walked in from the dream monitor room, rubbing his eyes from where he had been dreaming about masturbating. "Oh no you two don't, "he exclaimed. "We can't have you two waking up quite yet and destroying everything!" Eryk fiddled with some dials and then flipped a switch, sending both Lash Lad and Grey Birdboy back to dreaming about the Legion of Funny-Animals.

Optimoose Magnus shrieked and shrieked and shrieked and shrieked some more! He shrieked so long and loud that he set off the alternate-dimension car alarm in the Baxter Building about 50 dimensions over!

"Aw, Stretcho, why da ya have ta sound the alarm just when I jump in the bubble bath allatime!" Ben said.

"It wasn't me this time, Ben," Reed barely looked up from his instruments. "You see, this alarm was set off by a disturbance from another reality!"

"Anodduh... wha??? Stretch, have you been playing wit' the hallucinowhatsisthingamabobber agin? I'm tellin' Suzie if ya did, ya promised ta swear off cold turkey..."

"No, no, Ben, nothing like that!" Reed exclaimed irritatedly. "If you'll give me a minute to explain, why, it's really quite fascinating. A little while ago, in this very interesting yet strangely sexually-charged dimension I've been monitoring, a group called the LMB had quite the donnybrook-"

"Wha?" Ben bust in.

"Sorry, Ben. Quite the big fight with their nemesis, the One who is the One. She had been trapped in the form of Lisp Lass and had just regained her powers by eating a mystically-charged letter R/L at this cosimcally-charged Ice Cream Parlor/l they had been frequenting."

"Ya lost me, stretch. I'm gonna jus' go rest my brain in the bubble bath-"

"Now, now, Ben, this is IMPORTANT," Reed exclaimed. "You see, when the One regained her powers, she destroyed the universe and optimusmagnus and Captain Lightbulb rebooted it into the Scoobyverse by combining their powers. Eventually, it was transformed back into its "normal" state, but there were a couple of repercussions. The first repercussion was that the universe-destroying blast separated the essence of Lisp Lass irrecovably from the One who is the One, creating in effect, two separate entities."

"Uh-huh." Ben's eyes were seriously glazing over at this point.

"Secondly (and this is far more interesting, Ben,) the strain on optimusmagnus's cartoon-projection powers was such that it caused him to lose them permanently, but no one seemed to care exactly WHERE they went. In reality, his powers went into a cartoon causal-reality loop, continuing to reboot the universe into multiple cartoon realities."

"I got it, Big Brain! That's what caused the Funny-Animalverse!" Ben brightened.

"That's right, Ben." Reed went on. "Plus, the Scoobyverse never died, it just continued on in its own parallel universe, as did the Smurfverse, the Flintstoneverse, the 90210verse, the Simpsonsverse... why there are an INFINITE number of LMB realities floating around!"

"And is this gonna destroy OUR universe, Stretch? Quick, call the guys..."

"Wait a minute, Ben," Reed chuckled. "None of this affects our reality in any way at all, and it's impossible for us to affect it as well."

"So you've been watching this ALL THIS TIME FOR NO REASON?" Ben demanded.

"Hell, Ben, it beats watching Springer--" Ben was interrupted by the entrance of a certain flaming youth. "Well, come in, Johnny, what's the matter?"

"Reed, Ben," Johnny stepped forward. "There's something I've been needing to tell you for... a while, but... well, it's hard to say. This is my friend Jean-Paul. He's a skier from Canada..."

As Johnny went on, the tiny Optimoose Magnus in Reed's Realityoscope continued screaming, for in the funnyanimalverse, something was happening. And that was...

As Johnny went on, the tiny Optimoose Magnus in Reed's Realityoscope continued screaming, for in the funnyanimalverse, something was happening. And that was...

...two humans had appeared in the paddock next to him: It was Betty and Veronica! They were naked and having HOT LESBIAN SEX! As this was going on, thought bubbles were visible above them. "Oh God! Why did we waste all those years on Archie? He was obviously getting it on with Jughead all along! Oh, YES!!! THIS is how it should've been all along!" the bubbles read.

***Reed was actually relieved to be drawn back to what was happening on his Realityoscope. Better a possible multiversial calamity than facing the awkward moment imminent in his own dimension. He surveyed the scene at hand with his usual detached scientific scrutiny, using mind over matter to assuage the stiffness in his loins this latest scene had elicited. He watched as more troubling developments occured.***

Optimoose Magnus continued to scream. "THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!!!" he cried between two of his deafening roars.

To his horror, Optimoose noticed other paddocks were having unlikely occupants materialise in them. In one, Aquaman and Prince Namor were being sodomized by swordfish. In another, Mickey Mouse was giving Prince Valiant a hummer. And those hyperactive kids dissappeared to be replaced by strangely homoerotic mutants.

***As more and more conflicting realities manifested in the zoo, Reed dropped his head in his hands.

"Whatsamatter, Stretcho?" Grimm asked.

"Yeah, Reed," Johnny added impatiently, "I gotta tell you about me and Jean-Paul!"

Reed looked up wearily and said, "it doesn't really matter what the situation is between you and Jean-Paul, Johnny. Because, if my calculations are correct, the multiverse will soon be imploding in on itself with the gravimetric force of an infinitessimally dense singularity."

"Huh?" Grimm, Johnny and Jean-Paul said in unison.

Annoyed, Reed said, "simply put? We're fucked!"***

Meanwhile, Optimoose Magnus saw the most perverted perversion yet appear in the paddock directly diagonal and to the left of his........

Namely, yet another picture of Llance! This, plus the fact that the thread had fallen to pg. 3, shocked both Lash Lad and Grey Birdboy back to consciousness and pushed the storyline out of the crazed detour that it gone and back to reality, where they still remained trapped in the dream chairs.

But before we can get to the mystery of Eryk Davis Ester's involvement with the Super-Jailhouse, and whether, as appearances suggest he has turned against the LMBers who once were his friends, let's return to Austria, where a shuttle containing several LMBers has recently crashed (according to the story summary on the last page)...

...they were DEAD, all of them had died HORRIBLY IN THE CRASH!!!

At least, the lifeless automaton-decoys that were on the ship had.

Which begged the question... where were the REAL LMBers?

As it turns out, they were all....

...strapped to dream chairs in the Super-Jailhouse! A delayed effect of the earlier collision between Potty-Mouth Master super-charged mouth and the super-crotch of Odran that had first teleported Grey Birdboy to the Super-Jailhouse had teleported the others in the shuttle as well!

Shady sat there, dreaming of...

...Lardy! But fear not, it was not an erotic dream! Rather, the dream involved his connection with Eryk Davis Ester and all his incarnations.

Suddenly, violently, Shady woke up from her dream state. The force of her waking was so cataclysmic that it shorted out her, and everyone else's, dream chairs. Slowly, everyone regained their wits about them, even those whose dreams were the perfect erotic fantasy. They all looked at Shady, puzzled. Somehow they knew that it was her distress that had shorted out all the dream chairs and brought them back to the real world.

Steadying herself, Shady answered their unasked question. With a haunted look, she announced, "Eryk isn't a clone of Lardy...Lardy's a clone of Eryk!!!" Then she collapsed.

Everyone's jaws were so agape that flies were sure to take refuge in them.

Elsewhere..........

Odran had just dropped the soap and inadvertently used his super-fatassing ray on... uh, some guy.

Potty-Mouth Master had run away from the scene of the battle involving Boy Beautiful almost immediately upon being freed. Having escaped Boy Beautiful's magical good looks, he had been running through the Super-Jailhouse of Space looking for either the exit or the bathroom, finding neither.

"Where the FUCK is the FUCKING SHITTER around here?!?!?" he screamed desperately.

"Oh, I don't think you'll be needing that anymore," a sinister yet strangely appealing voice sounded behind him.

"Why... %^*%^ ME! It's another Eryk Davis Ester clone!" Potty-Mouth Master exclaimed.

"I'm afraid not," Eryk said blithely, as a strange energy field leapt from his hand, enveloping Potty-Mouth Master.

"What the hell is going on! Who the fuck are you?!?" Potty-Mouth Master screamed as indescribable pain shot through his body.

"Since in a few seconds it won't matter, I'll tell you," Eryk Davis Ester smiled. I am the one from which you, among others, are created."

"Duh, we're all a bunch of fuckin clones-" PMM was interrupted.

"NOT. CLONES." Eryk went on. Think of it more as... personas, or images, or powers... for you see, a very long time ago, I ruled all... but power can be fleeting. It was a bold gambit, I must admit... SEPARATING me into countless hundreds, each with but a hundredth of the power I once bore, and with NO memory of his or her origins. I have spent years in the quest to reabsorb all of my dopplegangers... and thus you see... my Super-Jailhouse. The DREAM MACHINE... and by draining the dream energy of the LMBers who were attached to the machine, I now have the power to reabsorb ALL of my wayward selves, starting with you."

"AW SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT........." PMM began to become one with Eryk-Prime.

"Soon, all of them will be me," Eryk-Prime laughed. "Esther Rolle, Lardlad, and all the others... all the EDE's of the universe will be me... and we will be..." Eryk-Prime chuckled throatily. "UNSTOPPABLE."

Now where the hell is that fucking shitter? Oh yes, it's this way." Potty-Mouth Master now completely absorbed, Eryk-Prime continued walking through the Super-Jailhouse of Space.

Back in the space cruiser with Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid ,Clothes-Fall-Off-Fred, Society Girl, and Truckstop Debutante, they were just finishing the story about Dame Shirley Bassey and preparing to dock with the prison planetoid, when...

Back in the space cruiser with Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid ,Clothes-Fall-Off-Fred, Society Girl, and Truckstop Debutante, they were just finishing the story about Dame Shirley Bassey and preparing to dock with the prison planetoid, when..<

...Eryk-Prime materialized in their midst.

"EDE!" Society Girl exclaimed at the sight of him.

Bemused, Eryk-Prime surveyed the scene. "AH!" he sighed, "my first stop in my clean-up of this hopelessly overblown story! Society Girl, Truckstop Debutante...I reclaim you!"

The duo were barely able to so much as yelp as they were absorbed into Eryk-Prime.

"What the Fuck!?!" Fred and TYIACK exclaimed in shock.

"Oh, fear not," Prime said in a detached manner, "you two are safe, as you are not among my many selves. Plus, you two are too amusing to extinguish by other means. For now, I will store you in my private tessaract..."

And with a wave of a hand, the pair dissappeared, leaving only a derelict shuttle.

"And now," Eryk-Prime declared regally, "to my next repo destination!" And he vanished.

Elsewhere, Shady was still recovering from her shock. As she came to, she muttered, "maybe I was wrong...", and passed out.

Meanwhile, Eryk-Prime re-materialised at.......

...the Man from Cargg's house in Canada, where he, the Triads and Hi-Risk von Tingle were planning their assult on the Army of Fornicata (aka the Whore Horde), which had overwhelmed the Labradorian and Fat Cramer.

Not realizing that Eryk-Prime had become a power-mad cosmic villain, they greeted their old teammate with enthusiasm.

"Reinforcements!" cried the Man from Cargg.
"Let's have a beer!" cried Hi-Risk von Tingle.
"Tee-hee! Tee-hee! Tee-hee!" giggled the Triads.

The next morning, the four LMBers (six if you count 3 Triads) woke up with galaxy-class headaches.

"Let's just hang here today," muttered Hi-Risk. "FC and Labby are probably not suffering - in fact, they may be enjoying themselves with the Whores. We can rescue them tomorrow."

"No, no - we must go today," insisted Eryk-Prime. ("I want to wrap this up before they realize that I've become a power-mad cosmic villain," he thought to himself. "And I have to meet Lori and Lester tonight to review Lori's plans for McCauley Industries. Sure was cool of her to make me a Director....")

Triad called Captain Shvaugn Sean Erin, the only hermaphrodite to ever command the Royal Canadian Mounted Science Police, to get a situation update. She learned that the RCMSPs had been unable to subdue the Army of Formicata, who were holding Cramer and Labby hostage in a Tim Horton's coffee shop.

So our three heroes and one cosmic villain jumped in Hi-Risk von Tingles Snake-Oil-Class Cruiser and headed off to take on the Whores.

Meanwhile, back at the Super-Jailhouse...

The Super-Jailhouse was on a direct collision course with a pair of sharp cosmic pruning shears which materialized out of thin air (or thin SPACE as the case may be.). Of course, no one involved in the fight with Boy Beautiful noticed, as they were all mesmerized by Boy Beautiful's manly good looks. The Super-Jailhouse of Space crept closer and closer to its pruning-shear DOOM....

Meanwhile, in the Tim Horton's coffee shop, Fat Cramer was wondering where everyone else was.

Fortunately, Lisp Lass was still monitoring the situation, and kept track of everyone:

Prisoners of the Whore Horde in Canada: Fat Cramer, the Labradorian

At the Man From Cargg's House: The Man From Cargg, Hi-Risk von Tingle, Triads Purple, Neutral, and Orange, and Eryk Davis Ester (secretly a power-mad villain!)

Just docked at the Super-Jailhouse: Turns You Into a Country Kid and Clothes Fall Off Fred

Strapped to dream chairs in the Super-Jailhouse: Space Tart, Beagle Boy, Omega Man, Faraway Lad, Grey Birdboy, Shady, and Lash Lad

In the Super-Jailhouse, not strapped into dream chairs: Leap Year Lass, the Light Brigade, Obvious-Traitor Boy, his bitches Odran and Boy Beautiful, other assorted prisoners

In the Super-Jailhouse, exact whereabouts unknown: Super-fatassed Umber and Senor Widebottom

Austria, threatened by Entropy Spinach: Kid Prime

Searching for EDE: Lardlad

On Fornicatia: Lucien Lad, Hummer Lass, Cub and Cubby (growing at an incredible rate), Raging Bull, Mekt Ranzz, and Quinn M., Only Child.

Trapped under a bed in a bar in a far-off corner of the universe: the Boyz

Whereabouts Unknown: Lucifer Lass and Amber

Whereabouts also Unknown: Bitch Lad and Mysterious Stranger

In a secret base on the far side of the planetoid: Lisp Lass, and Rody the Super-Rat

I think that's everyone! What will happen next? I'm on the edge of my seat!

DAMN IT!!! I'm STILL Austria?!?!?

Mein Gott im Himmel!

Well, good heavens! It's cooler than Birmingham, isn't it? And there's the yodelling festival this week. Not to mention all that beer!

Just then, more energy from the earlier Potty-Mouth/Odran crotch collision floated out into space around the super-jailhouse, where it hit the mysterious pruning shears, saving the jailhouse and everyone on it just in time (and unbenownst to them). The pruning shears were transported to Earth, above Austria, wear they cut up the Entropy Spinach into little bit, which, upon landing on Kid Prime/Austria, had the effect of negating the requirement that he had to spend two weeks a year as a country. His relief was short-lived, however, as suddenly Lardlad appeared, and said...

..."Quick, Kid Prime, come with me!"

"What?!?" KP said indignantly. "I've been a fucking country for gods-know-how-long! I wanna catch up on being a dude!"

"Well, boo-hoo!" Lardy sneered. "Gonna be kinda hard catchin' up on bein' a dude if the universe is destroyed by Eryk, ain't it?"

"Say what?"

"Turns out that Eryk Prime...the person whom all the Eryks, and at least half the other characters in this story are copies of, including possibly myself...is out to absorb all his other selves. If he succeeds, the universe may very well be destroyed!"

"Aw, fuck...not again! Why does it always have to be about universal destruction?"

"Get over it! Anyhoo, since you're KID Prime and he's ERYK Prime, I figure you're the key to beating him!"

"How d'you figure that?"

"Well...you both share 'Prime' as a common denominator...and that's gotta be important!"

"<sigh> Since when did you start using Boy Wonder Logic, Lardy?"

"Probably one too many doobies, KP...now, let's go!"

Before KP could protest, they disappeared in a <SPLAT> of Lardforce, only to reappear at the unlikely destination of......

Faraways room in Legion World.

“What the fuck” said Lardy, more because he liked to than for any real dramatic effect.

“Why are we here Lardlad” asked Kid Prime?

“Lardy?.....Lardy!!!! Lardy!!!!!” he shouted as Lardlad had sat down on Faraways couch, staring open mouthed at an art house movie playing on the large holo vid set in the corner. A large beer and a bowl of chips had somehow appeared beside him, and slowly as if in a hypnotic state Lardlad was eating and drinking.

“How the fuck is she doing that to him, and that position is…..” Murmured the lard knight quietly almost in a drugged slurred voice.

Kid Prime took one look at the images filling the holo vid, gasped in amazement, and, after a slight adjustment to the front of his superhero spandex, which had somehow become a little tight, moved towards the bedroom to see if he could find Faraway.

Opening the bedroom door Kid Prime saw……………….

Lucifer Lass and Amber.

At the sight of the villainous Lucifer Lass, Kid Prime reached for the DVD player on his belt to project the squad of Autobots he'd readied up, but before he could do so, he was hit from behind by a swarm of pillows.

"No need for conflict, my dear. I believe we can be of some use to one another. You are, I believe, searching for Eryk Davis Ester?"

"Yeah... uh, well, Lardy is in particular. Hey, Lardy, pay attention!"

With a wave of her hand Lucifer Lass flicked off the TV in Faraway Lad's room.

"Oh, yeah!" Lardy exclaimed. "Now I remember WHY we're here. We've got to get to the Super-Jailhouse of Space!"

"Indeed." Lucifer Lass agreed.

"But why come here?" Kid Prime asks. "Why not 'port there directly?"

"Because of the force field, my dear boy! That's the same reason WE are here." Lucifer Lass explains.

"Yeah, we can't 'port there directly. Fortunately, I've been preparing for this for weeks," says Lardy. "That's why I sent Senor Widebottom on a special mission weeks ago to infiltrate the Super-Jailhouse. You see, Senor Widebottom's absurdly oversize pantaloons are actually so large, that an aspect of them manifests itself at the end of the corridor outside Faraway Lad's room. We can enter the pantaloon's here, and, if we don't get lost, we can re-emerge inside the Super-Jailhouse!"

So Lardlad, Kid Prime, Lucifer Lass, and Amber all traveled together into Senor Widebottom's humorously oversized pantaloons.

Soon, the emerged from the pantaloons, which had long ago been removed from Senor Widebottom's now even wider bottom, and found themselves in...

...Super-fatassed Umber's pants!

"Argh!" Kid Prime yelled. "I can't breathe! There's definitely not enough room in this spandex for four people and a super fatass!"

"I dunno," Lardy sighed, "I always liked a gal with a little junk in the trunk!"

"I'll handle this," Lucifer Lass growled and she stabbed through the spandex with her pitchfork.

As the four tumbled out, Umber let out a screech. "Oh no, not Amber! Y-you just can't see me like this!"

"That's okay," tittered Amber, "it's not much bigger than before."

Umber started screaming when Lardy interjected, "y'know, Umber, I can help you with this."

"Y-you can?"

"If you really want to that is...some would consider that quite an <cough> asset."

"No, I don't want it! Take it away!"

"<sigh> as you wish." Then Lardy used his control of the Lardforce to siphon off the excess ass.

"Oh! Thanks, Lardy...I owe you a BJ later!"

"I'll keep you to your word there."

So the quintet left and headed fo the dream chair room, leaving Senor Widebottom by his lonesome.

When they got to the dream chair room, the first thing they saw was........

...the first thing they saw was that the the room was empty!

"But this should be where all the dream chairs are!" Lardy exclaimed.

"And exactly how do you know your way around this place...?" Kid Prime asked.

"From the stolen plans for this super-jailhouse! Didn't I tell you we'd been planning this whole operation for months?"

"I don't sense the dream chairs anywhere in the vicinity," Lucifer Lass adds.

"You can sense chairs?" Lardy exclaims.

"Of course. While most of my power and interest is focused on the manipulation of beds, I actually have a telekinetic link with most all forms of furniture..."

Meanwhile, on Fornicatia...

<Meanwhile on Fornicatia...>

...the planet began to tremble! Lucien Lad and Hummer Lass, who were nurturing their offspring Cub and Cubby (still growing at an incredible rate), were startled.

"My love," Hummer Lass exclaimed, "what's going on?"

But before Lucien could express his confusion, Eryk-Prime appeared suddenly before them. "Ah!" he said, "I see you too have helped my project along, as expected!" Lucien Lad and Hummer Lass found themselves unable to move, restrained by an unseen force as he casually waved a hand.

"EDE? What do you mean? What are you doing here?" Lucien asked, flustered.

"Oh, that's right...you don't know! Well, essentially, I'm evil, yadda-yadda-yadda, and I'm here to do evil things!"

"L-like what?" Hummer Lass stammered.

"Oh, surely you don't think you're coupling was natural? A stone-cold gay man and an ex-oral-only-prostitute who'd never actually had penetrating sex before? HA! I bewitched the two of you so you could grow my two lieutenants for me!"

And with a wave of Eryk-Prime's hand, Cub and Cubby immediately grew into adulthood and stood by him.

He gestured to the former Cub, who now sported a nelly Green Arrow hat, on his right and said, "may I introduce Calamity King and..." With a gesture to his left, he finished "...Lester Spiffany! With these powerful aspects of myself by my side, we will rule ALL!"

Lucien and Hummer Lass were too horrified to speak until she managed to say, "our babies!"

"No, no...I'm afraid they never truly were," Eryk-Prime said in a mock-soothing way and added, "here, this may ease your pain some."

And with another wave, Lucien Lad and Hummer Lass were released from the spell that caused them to connect. The sudden lack of their mutual comfort only made things worse.

"HA-HA!!!" Eryk-Prime laughed evilly. "Don't worry...you're grief will be short-lived. Fornicatia is about to self-destruct, with you and everyone else on it! Already I have absorbed my creations, the Whore Horde, and trapped my unwitting 'allies' including High-Risk Von Tingle in a collapsed Canadian landmark (can't remember which one since I don't know of any Canadian landmarks off the top of my head). All of this happened, of course, off-panel since my last appearance on page one of this thread"

Eryk-Prime paused to finally take a breath, then continued. "Anyhoo, the destruction of Fornicatia will make me even more powerful! Calamity King, tickle the planet's G-spot to bring the eruption to full climax, will you?"

Calamity King concentrated for a moment, then the ground shook even more violently.

Eryk-Prime seemed to bask in the force of the quakes for a moment before saying, "Guess that's our cue to leave! Toodles!" And he, Lester and Calamity King dissappeared, leaving Lucien Lad, Hummer Lass, Raging Bull, Mekt Ranzz, Quinn M., Only Child, and the rest of the populace to face imminent destruction.

And minutes later, Fornicatia was no more.

Meanwhile, Shady and all the others who had been victims of the dream chairs found themselves trapped in that collapsed Canadian landmark of which Eryk-Prime couldn't remember the name. As the still-disoriented LMBPers tried to get their bearings..........

INTERJECTION

Egads! I'm turning out to one nasty mega-villain!

I can't wait to see what happens next?

So somebody else want to add a chapter?

END INTERJECTION