Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business The Ongoing LMBP Tag Team Thread (rated PG13)

<interlude two>

And Ken, I've read through most of your posts and I don't think that anything you've written is a part of the "out of hand" posts that people are refering to. Perhaps I should remove SoM's post of rule #10? It's causing the wrong reaction.

<end of interlude>

Gary

you created this swonderful space for us all and we're ahving hissy fits over interpretting what amounts to a fairly straight forward request for simple decent manners.

Apologies. Having re-read this in the light of day I understand exactly what you're saying.

Apologies to SoM also, I bet you have a very cute arse so I have no intention of ripping anything, though would gladly buy you a drink sometime as recompense.

Bxx

What Cobie & Gary said, I'd be very sorry to see you bugger off for long, or for good, Numf. (And I'm not saying that just to protect my arse.)

This story has gotten too complicated for me to contribute to without totally screwing up continuity, the other will probably be the same in a week or so. Short attention span, I guess I have. But it doesn't mean I'm not reading and enjoying it!

That being said, I'm sure something truly exotic could be done with fluffy kittens, strawberries & cream. Throw them in the Hootchie Hut and see what develops.

Thanks! And congrats on becoming a mod here.

Ken, I would like it very much if you'd continue the story.

Cramey, if any of us really cared about continuity, the story wouldn't be anywhere near as long and complicated as it is. Jump in and throw those kittens into a bowl of strawberries and cream at the Hootchie Hut and see what happens!

Numf will be back... he's had toooo much fun here to stay away, and I reckon an 'angry' but PC story about fluffy kittens, strawberries, cream and random story elements, like maybe lycanthropy wouldn't be beyond the realms of Ken's fantastic mind...

y'll spik t'us soon loon, aye?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Lads & Lassies, Loons and Queins :-

Thank you all for your kind words of support. They are very much appreciated.

Thank you to Harbi for jumping, size 3 feet first, to my defence.
SoM - I'm sorry for being the cause of the aggression against you.

Cobie - it must be hereditary&#8230;&#8230;..Glad though that I wasn't the only one to feel that way.

Sonnie - I wish you'd PM'd me the lycanthrope line, "cos there's surely a great story in there&#8230;&#8230;..Maybe later, when everyone else has forgotten that you've given away the punchline&#8230;...

STU - cheers, I'll answer your PM separately.

Nighty, thanks for taking the time to allay my fears that I was somehow perverting the morals of the world, or whatever it was that I thought I was doing. (Do atheists believe in morals? Without God and Satan is there an ultimate right and wrong? Therefore&#8230;.. ah, crap, forget it.)
I realised that I wasn't having the finger pointed at me, however, I felt that I may have fallen under the umbrella.
And as such, rather than bringing your wonderful site into disrepute I felt it prudent to remove any possible problems.
[Harbi is right - you do have a great site here, and I didn't want to spoil it, nor feel that others thought that I had spoiled it.]
Your comments meant the most, in this case.

On Friday I wrote a 2000 word essay (and it's been a good while since I've done one of those..) on Numf-Els views on censorship. It was probably more a look at things that people generally find offensive. I might post it one day to give you all a laugh, once this storm has passed.

However, all of my arguments were all blown out of the water by one phrase that I couldn't get past.
&#8220;It's Gary and Scotts website and they ask that we play nice.&#8221;
End of argument.
I would expect you to play by my rules in my territory, and as such I will play by your rules in your territory. Rule #1 - Respect.
So, I'm glad that I was, in retrospect, perhaps a tad paranoid after all. And that you don't think I've overstepped the line in the sand. If I do overstep the line, please feel free to PM me and haul my ass back into line. I'd rather that then what's just happened. I personally feel that it's better to be told straight than to worry about what may or may not be.

Having said this, I don't feel that I'm quite back in the place that I was prior to the posting of Rule 10. Brain flash-fried. But at least on the way back.

So, no more Tag Team at the moment - gotta be in the right place for that. In the zone, I suppose the expression would be. And I'm kinda watching from the sidelines at the moment.
But, I promise to come back and finish off the Panamanian escapades of Numf, Rody, Kaant and Mr. Wayne Hussey. Promise.
But if you feel the desire to pluck them out of there for your own devices, feel free - I don't think it'll spoil things too much if I don't kill them all off.
I'm gonna be around, just not particularly active for a while. It's too good a site to run away from, and that was something I hadn't wanted to do.

Oh, and if anyones at Waynes gig on the 13th March at the El Condado Club in Buenos Aries, pick me up a tour tee-shirt, will you please?


Respect to all,

K'Numf

Well said Numf.

I Posted (and then deleted) one of those essays in a separate thread (also Deleted) because I was convinced that I knew better than everyone else how to deal with the perception of a problem. After a few hours I realized that I was off base and deleted everything before anyone else posted to (or possibly even read that nonsense) the thread.

Hopefully this incident is over and we can all get back to doing the things we enjoy here on Legion World. And just so that you are clear on this point, one of the things I enjoy the most here is reading your Insane Stories! Please start writing again soon.

Chuck

[interlude]

Taking a break from the hectic and rather odd events, Numf sat down on a tree root and opened his rucksack.

Rody clambered onto Numf's knee.

Numf rummaged through the rucksack and produced a small block of cheese. He cut it in half, and the two companions enjoyed its rich, mellow goodness in silence.

Numf patted the super-rodent in a friendly way, and Rody gave a squeak of contentment.

[/interlude]

&#8220;Sorry Rody, but I reckon that Wayne will need your help more than me, so why don't you go and take his rucksack back to him. Tasty cheeese, though, wasn't it?&#8221;
Rody ran back down the trail, dragging the rucksack behind him, squeaking in delight.
Numf picked him self up and started slowly on his way again. He hadn't heard anything since the initial screams. But he still had to be careful.
There was a preternatural silence. It was as if all of the animals in the rain forest were holding their breaths awaiting the next installment&#8230;..


Across at the other scream location, Wayne Hussey was leaning over the edge of a steak and stake infested pit, the corpses, mud and blood not a pretty sight - so if you're too young, or unusually sensitive, or just a big girlie (as opposed to a big girl - I'm not trying to be sexist here) I wouldn't join Wayne on the edge there if I were you.
A pile of corpses had been built against the near wall of the pit, and a small oriental girl had been using them to clamber nearer to ground level.
Like the absolute gent that he is, Wayne had already disconnected the strap from his guitar, and was offering it down to the young girl to enable her to climb out of the hole.
Unfortunately for all concerned, Wayne hadn't had the telepathic implant that enabled him to understand the frantic squeaks from Rody, who had just appeared at his side.


Numf couldn't remember where the bloody hell he was; it was as if somebody was playing with his brain. Well, maybe just muddling his senses a bit.

Oh yeah, something about screaming.

&#8220;AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!&#8221; came the scream again, this time from directly behind him.

Numf shat himself.

&#8220;Sorry Numfy,&#8221; giggled Homecoming Queen,&#8221; I didn't know it was you.&#8221;
&#8220;Bleedin' "ell HQ, you just about gave me a 007,&#8221; complained Numf, massaging his chest, whilst flat on his arse.
&#8220;What's a 007?&#8221; giggled Amber, trying to hide her chest. And other bits, which I'm not allowed to mention in any detail.
&#8220;You know, Bond, Jamesh Bond,&#8221; explained Numf in an impeccable accent.
&#8220;Hee hee hee,&#8221; giggled Homecoming Queen some more, before stopping short. &#8220;Nope, I still don't get it.&#8221;
&#8220;A bloody Sean Coronary,&#8221; replied Numf, picking himself up off the ground. He took off his jacket and handed it across to HQ. He turned away, although not quite enough to prevent a full view of her moving her arms to maneouvre the jacket into place. Luckily it came dowm to mid thigh level, so sparing HQs modesty.
&#8220;Oh, Numf,&#8221; giggled HQ, pointing at Numfs rear. &#8220;You must have landed in some elphant sh..&#8221;
&#8220;Yeah, I know,&#8221; interjected Numf before she realised that the nearest elephant was probably in Mexico City Zoo. &#8220;I'll get a clean pair as soon as I can. So, what brings you to Panama - not another plan of Cobalt Lads to help me out of this mess that I've got myself into.&#8221;
HQ went all misty-eyed at the thought of CL for a few seconds, then shook herself back to reality. Even through the fabric of the jacket you could tell along which lines her thoughts had been. &#8220;No,&#8221; she giggled, &#8220;if I knew you were going to get into that sort of mess I would have brought a spare of trousers for you.&#8221;
Numf snorted derisively. &#8220;Or maybe even brought a pair for yourself.&#8221;
&#8220;Yeah, I wonder what happened to all my clothes&#8230;&#8230;..&#8221; said HQ.
&#8220;So, why are you here then?&#8221; asked Numf.
&#8220;I've got no idea. But I can't be bothered reading back a few pages either to find out - and I'll bet that no-one else can either. So let's skip it and get on with the story.&#8221;
&#8220;Okay, good thinking Amber,&#8221; agreed Numf.


Across at the stake-pit -
&#8220;Come on, little girl, grab the strap and I'll pull you up,&#8221; said Wayne encouragingly.
&#8220;I no' lirrle fu'in' gal,&#8221; squeezed Kaant quietly between her grinding teeth.
Rody squeaked continuously, and impatiently.
Kaant glanced over, and feigning surprise and fear leaped back, almost knocking herself out on one of the stakes. She pointed at Rody and screamed hysterically.
&#8220;Rat, its a fu'in' rat! I hate rats, they nibble my toes while I in pit!&#8221; she squealed. Tears streamed down her face. She shivered with delight, which appeared to Wayne Hussey as fear. To Waynes eyes there was a small, mud encrusted girl at the bottom of a body infested pit, screaming in fear at a rat. Like any humane person, the last thing that he wanted was to add any suffering to what had obviously gone before. Not being able to understand Rodys squeaking he didn't know the truth of the situation, the evilness of the person in front of him, the danger they would be in if she was set free.
&#8220;Hey Super Rat, why don't you go and see if Numfy needs any help?&#8221; Wayne asked.
Rody stood on his hind legs, front paws on hips, shook his head slowly and &#8220;tsk&#8221;ed. He turned tail and ran back up the trail. Wayne watched him leave.
&#8220;Right, we'll have you out of there in no time,&#8221; said Wayne, turning back to help. From above it looked more like tears than a glint of evil in her eye.

The horde of zealots (remember them?) had realised, after a number of miles, that maybe they'd missed the abomination of whom they had been informed by their number one spy, and exalted leader.
They had then turned back, and since the righteous adrenaline had worn off a bit, and the endorphins hadn't quite kicked in, they decided it might be a good idea to practise some surreuptitious military maneouvering. You know, the not shouting and screaming type. The sneaky stealth stuff.
They had forgotten all about their training when the chance had come to clear the world of The Filth, and the righteous bile had filled their systems.


Numf was feeling that muddling with his brain again. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head vigorously.
&#8220;Hey, what's the matter with you, Nu&#8230;&#8221; HQ almost finished asking.
&#8220;It feels like someone's playing inside my head,&#8221; answered Numf opening his eyes after a few more shakes.
The rain forest was dark - it hadn't been just a second ago. Homecoming Queen was nowhere to be seen. Numf span around, looking in all directions just to make sure. Nope, no-one in sight. Dark in every direction.
From the sounds of it the nocturnal wildlife were continuing the cycle of eating, fighting and copulating. Or masturbating if they were particularly ugly.

It also felt like he had a large cold solid lump of chewing gum stuck to his arse.
And, my gawd was he hungry.

It was almost as if&#8230;

&#8220;Oh, hud on a wee minute,&#8221; said Numfy. &#8220; You are soooooo gonna get your arse kicked for this, Steal-A-Week-Out-Of-Your-Life Kid.&#8221;

Numf had made his way back down the trail. It was kinda difficult in the darkness, and Numf kept banging into trees, catching his throat on vines and standing on things that went squeak before their eyes exploded. It was one of the least pleasant things Numf had ever done - and that's saying something.
He passed the spot where he and Wayne had played guitar and sung. He passed the spot where he and Kaant had passed their first sodden night, and Impulse 1 had built them perhaps the best lean-to ever constructed on the face of the earth.
There was a certain temptation to use this dry, warm, comfortable spot once more, instead of hurting himself more in the forest, but for a change temptation was resisted.
For once, Numfs personal motto - If there's one thing I can't resist it's Temptation - was battled in the name of survival. Numf knew that he couldn't afford to rest if he was to save his friends from the Zealots who had been on their trail. For all he knew they were all dead already, but he couldn't afford to think that way.
He was a fucking hero after all.
Ass was going to be kicked, and for a change it wouldn't be his.

He came across a large puddle in the trail. Thankfully he'd noticed the stars reflected on the surface, or else he would have walked right into it. Sticking out of the far side was what appeared to be the arse-end of a tank. How odd. And what was that floating on the surface? That's funny, it looked like a bloated corpse in camouflage gear&#8230;&#8230;

Five minutes later, Numf continued on down the trail, bedecked more suitably in non shit-smeared clothing. Of the camouflaged variety.
It was a tad on the damp side, and he'd had a hell of a time removing the bloated corpse from inside it in the first place, but that had been helped when his jaw had accidently been twisted off and the decomposed fleshy gases had spewed forth in Numfs face. Thankfully Numf had been brought up in a house where two, if not all three of the boys could have passed wind for not only Scotland, but the United Kingdom as well! Numf was therefore immune to smells like that. And it had shrunk the corpse somewhat.
But he drew the line at stealing underwear - so he would just have to go commando.

And then he spotted a discarded rucksack&#8230;&#8230;..

Numf crested the hill and looked down into the valley below. The moon was just rising behind him, flooding the valley in its silvery glow.
Beneath him he could make out an entrance into the hill opposite, where the moonlight glinted off the barrel of the rifle held by the guard in the watchtower. That was where he had to go.

He trekked down the trail, and across the valley in plain sight of the guard. There was no time for stealth when the very lives of his compadres may be in the balance.
He walked straight up to the electronic mechanism on the gate, and swiped the card he had found through it.
The guard in the watchtower above read off the screen on his laptop.
&#8220;Hey Vasquez!&#8221; he shouted. &#8220;You ever been mistaken for a man?&#8221;
&#8220;No, have you?&#8221; Numf shouted back, echoing a line from his favourite film.
Luckily that had been the required response. Peels of laughter echoed down.
&#8220;Hey Vasquez, we all thought you were dead. Missing for seven days - where you been?&#8221;
&#8220;Shit, you know my sense of direction - I got lost. It's taken me this long to find my way back!&#8221; No lines to steal this time, so he had to bluff it.
&#8220;Hey, no problem. Hit the showers though, you fuckin' stink! I can smell you from up here!&#8221;
&#8220;Sorry - Aitkens Diet!&#8221;
&#8220;Okay. Still&#8230;..&#8221;
&#8220;Yeah, I know.&#8221; With that Numf wandered off in the direction of the cave mouth.
&#8220;And don't forget to check in with Major Kaant&#8230;.&#8221;, came floating through the warm night air behind him.

Numf had walked deeper and deeper into the cave, avoiding eye contact where possible without appearing to be actively avoiding people.
He was lucky that there were so many soldiers around - it wasn't too tight a command, and Numf passed un-noticed through the cave compound (apart from the occasional olfactory assault).
Deep in the heart of the cave Numf heard Kaants voice, screeching.

He had managed to work out a few things about her in the past hour or so. The guards call had been the catalyst. But there were a few other pointers. And one dead giveaway.
How had she known that Numf had already used the &#8220;Eddies in the space-time continuum&#8221; joke before? He certainly hadn't used it since he had met her. Therefore she must have had prior knowledge of who he was, not to mention his best lines. And not having told Numf this made her a baddie.
And he'd worked it out almost all by himself. He'd just needed a kick start.
But the full depths of her baddie-ness still eluded him. But not for long.

Numf had turned and walked perpendicularly to where the screeching was coming, rather than rushing in and risking his friends' lives needlessly. He really needed to know what was going on first.

Numf found himself a good vantage point, overlooking a great big cavernous&#8230;umm&#8230;.cave.
Down below he could see Homecoming Queen and Wayne Hussey. Trussed up like Xmas turkeys. If he'd been American they might have been trussed up like Thanksgiving turkeys, but, well, he wasn't. So they weren't.
They were suspended above what appeared to be a large vat.
They were suspended upside down above a large vat of a steaming, viscous, orange substance.
A vat of boiling marmalade.
Surrounded by soldiers.

In front of them a rather small person in perfectly pressed military fatigues stamped her feet and screeched some more.
Kaant was going ballistic.
&#8220;Give me that Numf-El! And give him to me now! Tell me where he is! We shall destroy the line of the Animal Gods forever, and the Banana Splits will be no more!&#8221;
And she stamped and screeched some more.
Luckily for Numf, due to the accoustics of the cave, he couldn't make out a word she screeched. Lucky only so far that he wouldn't have understood it.


&#8220;Lower them into the vats! They have no further use!&#8221; she screeched, and her henchmen started to turn the handles, lowering them inexorably towards the now bubbling orange liquid&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;

&#8220;Squeak.&#8221;
&#8220;Rody - brilliant to see you!&#8221; said Numf. &#8220;I thought you must have been dead when I didn't see you trussed up. Oh, I am sooo glad. What can you tell me about what's going on?&#8221;
Rody had been around the camp for the last week, but hadn't managed on his own to free HQ & Wayne - they had been too heavily guarded. However, he had overheard a lot of what had been going on, so knew now the whole purpose of the camp and all concerned. He knew that Numf was in mortal peril.
Once this information had been passed on to Numf, (well I suppose I did walk around going &#8220;Oh,oh, Jungo, it's Danger Island next&#8221; when I was a kid&#8230;) he made the only possible choice.
&#8220;Well,&#8221; he said to Rody, &#8220;I guess I'm going to have to trade myself in for them.&#8221;

&#8220;&#8230;..now go - you've only got ten minutes,&#8221; said Numf, turning around and standing up.
&#8220;Hey Kaant!&#8221; he called.
&#8220;Wha' you wa'?&#8221; she asked, turning to see her nemesis.
All the soldiers turned as well, pointing their AK-47s at various parts of Numfs anatomy. Never before had so many deadly weapons been pointed at Numf. Never had Numf gulped so noisily.
&#8220;Let them go and you can have me in their stead,&#8221; promised Numfy.
&#8220;Why should I, when I can have them AND you?&#8221; she asked.
&#8220;Okay, I can see your point. However, being a pseudo-religious cult, you really can't help your cause by having the blood of innocents on your hands, now, can you?&#8221; argued Numf. &#8220;At least let them down until we've bargained a bit.&#8221;
&#8220;Wha' you mean? Haggle over one dumb tart and one has-been old arty-farty rocker? Why should I not just le' them go? Drop them into marmalade.&#8221;
&#8220;Because if you don't release them unharmed then I'll never convert to your side, now, will I? Just think what that would do to your cause.&#8221;

-----Interlude-------

Sorry to say I'm going offshore on Monday for a few days (weather permitting) so it could be a while before I get the chance to write any more. I hope this last lot will keep you going for a while.
N-E

-------End Interlude---------

It certainly will Numf! Thanks, and I'll be looking forward to your next batch!

Have a safe trip, Numf!

Back at the bat cave……
Well, okay, not strictly “The” bat cave.
In fact there weren’t even any bats.

Okay, so…Back at the cave.
Happy?
It doesn’t really have the same ring though, does it?

Anyway.

Two minutes after the last part of the story, Numf-El found himself trussed up like the proverbial Xmas turkey. Though what the moral of that particular proverb was I can’t rightly remember. Probably something along the lines of “Don’t play at fancy semantics with a mad mental short-arsed religious zealot if you don’t want to end up trussed like a Xmas turkey hung upside down over a vat of boiling marmalade.”
Hey, that works out quite well, because he was actually hung upside down over a ………. Well, I reckon you can probably guess what he was hung upside down over, can’t you?

Kaant laughed a lot, maniacally, pointing at our three heroes. “You think I fall for that? Playing word games with me? I know you no’ say you join me if I let them down, just tha’ you not join if I don’t.”
“Bugger, it was worth a try,” said Numf, swinging lightly.
The soldiers laughed a lot too, and pointed their guns. Rather a lot of them, as previously mentioned.
“So, that was your great plan, was it?” asked Homecoming Queen, clearly very disappointed. She started to cry, which gave all a very unusual sight of someone with mascara running up their face.
“Oh, come on now,” said Wayne, “I’m sure that someone’ll save us.”
“Do you really think so?” said HQ, sniffling slightly. And if you’ve ever tried sniffling in an upside down position, you’ll know how uncomfortable that can be.
“’Course he bleedin’ well doesn’t, he’s just trying to comfort you…” Numf said, soliciting peels of laughter from Kaant and her army. HQ’s waterworks turned themselves back on.
That’s one apology I’m owe Amber when we get out of here, thought Numf, but I don’t want Kaant to think we’ve got any hope of being rescued.

Our heroes were dropping slowly, ever nearer to the bubbling, citrusy sweet liquid.
If it had been part of one of those old Batman TV series they would have started off in a close up of Numf – right way up. With hair as short as his, okay, as practically non-existent as his, this wouldn’t have been much of a give-away, as opposed to HQ, whose hair would have looked like it was sticking up. The camera would then have panned away, rotating through 180 degrees to show that our hero was in fact suspended ove……
Oh wait a minute, I’ve told you all that already.
Bugger.

“Hey, Kaant, you realise that you’re going to spoil this lovely vat of marmalade, don’t you?” asked Numf, playing for time. “Nobody’ll buy it if they know what’s really in it.”
“Oh, damn, won’t they?” laughed Kaant. “You stoopid bastid. You didn’ really think that Paddington Bear was a herbivore, did you? Where you think he get his meat flavoured marmalade?”
“But, it’ll look a bit funny won’t it?” asked Wayne, getting into the playing for time game. “I mean, it won’t really look like marmalade after you’ve dunked us in it.”
“Shu’ up!” screeched Kaant, “I had enuff of yo’ playing for time. Simple – we label it as made from blood oranges. And quite apt too.”

To recap –

Oh, hold on a minute, no-one’s posted since the last story post – so if you need a recap just read the last post.

I think there’s only about 3 or 4 regular readers left here, so why don’t we just get the story finished with, and then we can all go and join the others, whatdya think?

“Hey, Numfy, why are we trussed upside down like Thanksgiving turkeys at, umm, whenever that holiday is, over a huge vat of marmalade, held at gunpoint by a mad chinese girl and her army?” asked Homecoming Queen. “And why does she keep refering to you as an Animal God?”
“Well, to answer your last question first, it’s because I’m hung like a stallion,” answered Numf.
HQ, Wayne, Kaant and a cast of thousands all burst out laughing. Serious, side-splitting laughter. Guffaws, the lot.
Five hundred and ninety-nine, six hund…..
Numf hoped that he’d timed it properly.
….red.

creaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
The minnions looked up, their mirth turning to panic in an instant. There was a chuffin’ great cloud of dust, and the roof of the cave fell in.
Everyone was killed instantly.

Oh, the humanity!

Nah, bollocks. That isn’t what happened.

The section of the cave underneath which the zealots/minnions stood all a-panic collapsed as described – but until it was hovering a mere seven feet (2.15m) above the floor. A few very tall people got a good crack on the head, and it kinda scuppered the world renowned SSG basketball team for a few years to come. However, everyone else instantly dropped their weapons, and there were a few sets of underwear that needed a damned good cleaning afterwards.

“Nyeeeehhhhh, what’s up doc?” said Bugs, climbing the stepladder to untie our heroes.
“Bloody hell, it’s Bugs Bunny!” exclaimed Wayne Hussey.
“Bloody hell, it’s Wayne Hussey!” exclaimed Bugs Bunny.

Thpeedy Gonthaleth ran around the minnions rope in hand, rounding them all up in an instant. “Eepaw, eeepaw, Ondolez ondolez eepaw!” shreaked Thpeedy annoyingly. But considering that he saved the day, I think we can let him off this time. It will shortly be told how…….
Rody the Super Rat pushed the vats out of the way to lessen the chance of our heroes inadvertently falling into the the boiling, bubbling viscous liquid when untied by Bugs. He then went over and lowered them slowly……
Marvin the Paranoid Martian held the roof steady using his alien gizmos, and then replaced the top of the mountain after which he proclaimed to anyone who would listen that it had all actually been a plot to capture him…….

Numf and Rody met in a great big hug. Rody, being much smaller had to actively nibble Numf to let him go so that he could breathe.

Our heroes all met up after making sure there were no stragglers, and all the guns were dumped into the marmalade.

“So, Numf, how the fuck did you pull that one off?” asked Wayne.

“Well, everyone knows that rats are telepathic, right?” said Numf.

“Nope,” said Wayne, HQ and all the readers in unison.

“Well, they are, take it from me, because if it weren’t for that then we’d all be knee deep in marmalade – the wrong way up!” said Numf. “So, I got Rody to send a telepathic message through the rat network up to Mexico to Speedy here, who got on the ‘phone to Legion HQ, because I reckoned he’d have Bugs’ phone number.”

“Way to go, man! Rock’n’fuckin’roll!” said Wayne.

“I think it was great that it was just the cartoon members of the squad that turned up though, especially considering the SGGs hatred of intelligent, respected animals,” said Numf.

“I still don’t get why she hated you so much though,” said HQ.
“I’ll explain all that later,” said Numf.

“Yeah, Numf,” said Bugs, “We’re sorry we took so long, but Marvin insisted on flying his spaceship over Mexico City and waving at the tourists.”

Marvin put his hands together, bowed his head and turned away muttering to himself.

“And the reason,” Bugs continued, “that none of the regulars came along is because they’re all down at Shameless Husseys watching your clone in the pole-dancing contest!”

“Bastard gets all the fun. Anyway, we need to finish this story off quickly, before we run out of space on the internet. So, where’s Kaant?” asked Numf.

Gee, golly gee willickers, she’d managed to escape.
Is that a surprise to anyone?
Nope, didn’t think so.

“Right, Marvin, we need you to do a few things. First off drop all of these zealots off at the local cop-shop. Secondly, I saw a few beach buggies in one of the smaller rooms back there. Wayne gets one, and I get one. You have to take Wayne, and his buggy, and drop him 300 miles south of Buenos Airies – he’s only got 5 days ‘til his gig there. Okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds superb, Numf. It’s been a pleasure!” Wayne and Numf had a great big hug in front of everyone. They had obviously become firm friends… One, two, three, awwwwwww……
“Next time you’re up near Legion HQ the beers are on me,” said Numf.
“And I’ll play you a free solo accoustic set,” promised Wayne.

“Right Marvin, get on with that, then get back here and pick us up…..” started Numf.

“You cunts only like me ‘cos I’ve got transport….” muttered Marvin under his breath.

“…….cos we’ve got to pick up a village load of Zombies,” continued Numf, “and I’ve got a fucking pole dancing contest to win!”

Well Boys and Girls, that's the end of this here segment, and by dint of the fact that nae bugger else is writing stories here one has to presume that it's the end of the thread.

So, TTFN, and see you in the other Tag Thread.


K'Numf - El

you fashion victim Numf...

you had a whole thread to play with and you go and leave it because the big boys are fickle...

How does it feel to let your adoring fans down like this? Are you proud of yourself? Did you win the pole dancing competition? We need to know these things ....

spik t'yi soon mannie

Kx

I think your last segment was too good to waste, Numf! Maybe you can reintroduce Kaant and the others over in the other thread, then? It's gonna be a hell of a lot of fun, I'm sure!