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"I leave you alone for a few minutes, and what happens? You end up on the menu."

"Now, don't everypanic body, just because the comesters are ganging!"

"If anyone needs me, I'll be in reel six!"

"my spoooon is to BIG!"

"Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included. "

*SLAP!* "Stop steamin' up my tail!"

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our [children]"

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."

"I'm awake! The answer is twelve!"

"Oh-sure, but it's not exactly a permanent solution. I can't masturbate myself to death every weekend."

"For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return."

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."

"Clean Phone? I've come to clean your phone."

"Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fuelled thrill ride. But there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork."

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."

"We, the unwilling,led by the unknowing,are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much,for so long,with so little,we are now qualified to do anything with nothing."

"As a small child in England, I had this dream of going to Africa. We didn't have any money and I was a girl, so everyone except my mother laughed at it. When I left school, there was no money for me to go to university, so I went to secretarial college and got a job."

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."

"Its time to shave you head and get back on the monkey bars."

"Postulating infinity, any given event happens not only once but an infinite number of times."

“You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.”

“The Queen is most anxious to enlist everyone in checking this mad, wicked folly of 'Women's Rights'. It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself.”

Another from the same source:

“The important thing is not what they think of me, but what I think of them.”

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

From one of my favorite quotable people.

(The other two are William Blake and Oscar Wilde.)

"I don't care! I hate it! It's boil-in-the-bag perversion for sexually repressed accountants and first-year drama students with too many posters of Betty Blue, The Blues Brothers, Big Blue and Blue Velvet on their blue bloody walls!"