Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Café Cramer - Always Open

A nice mushroom and jalapeno omelet couldn't hurt right about now.

Hrun smashes door (again)

Takes three bags of coffee, two silver pots and throws one of the serving girls over his shoulder heads off into the wilds.

Okay Hrun, you can go tear-*ssing around Legion World all you want but when you start busting up Cramer's, you've crossed the line.

Throws axe at Matlock.

Remember to look under the seat of your car for a few days before you retirement.

The Barbarians know where you live

Ah, you're to sodden with mead to hit the broadside of a barn. Consider this axe confiscated. It might make a nice plowshare.

What level is the Legion World smithy located at?

"Come mighty Hrothgar"

and the axe, together with Matlocks car fly back towards Hrun. Just as the trunk explodes matlock manages to escape, open the door, and roll free.

As the axe destroys the security car, Matlock climbs to his feet. He is just in time to see the axe return to Hruns outstreached hand.

"Mead is a wonderful drink old man"

"You played right into my plans, barbarian simpleton!"

As the axe reaches Hrun's strangely dainty little-girl hands, he notices the concussion grenade duct-taped to the handle.

"Smile, oaf!"

Detonates grenade, steps gingerly over inert barbarian.

"Lucky for you the car was a rental. Mine's in the shop or else it'd be your funeral."

Replaces horned helmet with dunce cap on Hrun's scabby, parasite-ridden scalp.

As he reaches down, Hruns suddenly large hands reach up and grap him by the throat.

"Fool" Hrun smiles "This armour is the best warriors can loot, proof against all magics and explosives"

Wraps Matlock quickly in duct tape, puts dunce cap on his head and leaves him hanging from a convient nearby lamp post.

Oh Hrun you poor simpleton. A Georgia boy can do anything with duct tape, including escape from it. Here's a hint: WD-40!

By the way, the dunce cap would never have fit over my new fishing hat. Nearsighted lackwit!

<duct tapes door back into place. grabs to-go cup of black coffee.>

Sorry Cramer! It's the best fix I could do in a pinch.

Hrun smiles as he watches Matlock leave.

5...4...3...2...1...Boom

Oh, now you've made me spill my coffee tough guy. Wahhh! No wonder barbarians aren't known for their technical prowess. I've been tangling with Bombs Under The Toilet King lo these many years and you think you can get to me with a rigged coffee cup? Piker!

What Matlock fails to realise is that this is not a cafe cramer coffee. Rather it is a magical potion from High Priestess Viviane.

As the liquid spills over Matlocks lap and slowly soaks into his trousers the magic starts to work and Matlock will now have to spend the next 24 hours with a perminant stiffy, (as a bonus the magic also adds three inches)

Hrun, your mom says to tell you "Thanks!"

My mother, Blessed be her noble soul, passed beyound the veil many many moons ago.

I did not realise that thou wast a scrivener.

But beware, I fear the furies may be about. They will prey on thou, especially if they see the "gift" I have presented thou

Furies? Don't you worry about no Furies, boys. Beware the very rare anger of Fat Cramer!

What a mess you made here! It goes beyond Bah! Beyond Jillikers! Beyond Jeepers H. Tutu! Much more of this and I'll start writing poems again.

Now behave yourselves while I call the carpenters and clean-up crew. Looks like we'll need an electrician as well. Not to mention Policy Pam....

I haven't seen FC this fired up since she brought the Royal Inquisitor to his knees with ferocious poetry!

Hrun, I'm taking the money to pay for this out of your hordes of gold. What did I tell you about busting up, LW? I'm going to have to send for another three hundred fresh wenches to keep you tired...

Matlock, great thinking and a good battle. As a reward, I'm doubling your retirement pay. You know, if you ever get to retire and stuff...

As for me, all this security work has given me quite a thirst, and coffee seems like the best option this morning...

<Preset Green Energy Charge Restores Café Cramer to it's former Pristine Condition.>

Caffeine!

I Need Bacon and Eggs with Whole Wheat Toast, and Coffee, Lots Of Coffee!

If Hrun's acting up again I suppose I'll just have to work some overtime this week (and charge it to the security office at my usual Double and a Half Rate)

Cramer's Place is all spiffy, but there's lots more to do (after breakfast)

FC, do you have some non-coffee morning beverage selections? I'm told caffine stunts your growth, and I can't afford that.

Although I just can't understand your thinking CJ, I believe there is a comprehensive selection of freshly squeezed juices for your enjoyment.

I'll have my usual pot of black.

Sorry about the ruckus yesterday FC. At least most of it took place outside but I'll be sure show certain people the door before I have to give out any more attitude adjustments in the future.

FC, there are donuts and muffins in the lunch room here at work. Help me resist their siren call. Feed me tofu! Please!

Just send them my way Semi. I'd be happy to dispose of them for you. I'm the guy at the office that eats the wierd, forlorn custard and icing filled doughnuts that are still around at quitting time.

I've told myself no muffin today. I gained two pounds this week and I plan to lose them both today.

My wife's always encouraging me to put on a few pounds. I just can't seem to but I do skip breakfast and lunch a lot. But next week I'm going to Denver for work and I've got a $47 per diem for food so I may be flying back in sweatpants. Room service, ahoy!

If I skip breakfast and lunch I usually lose. I tend to skip lunch a fair amount because there are no decent places to eat around my office. Wish we had a Cafe Cramer here.

I hear you. There's a cafe in the lobby but I've never got anything there in almost a year at this location. I don't even know why. For anything else I'd have to get in the car and drive and it's sort of a pain. I try to bring lunch sometimes but there's never much time in the morning to make anything. Whine whine whine. Where's my cup o' soup?