Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Limericks

Inside a jacket from a jumble sale
I found a curious copper nail
I took out my hammer
And gave it the slammer
But hit my thumb and boy did I wail.


P.S. Fat Cramer, your last limerick was most excellent.

NEXT:

Come with me to the Caspian Sea

Come with me to the Caspian Sea
or to the coast of Normandy
With a kiss
Said "yes", the miss
and together did the lovers flee.

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Anita's gonna get her kicks tonight

Anita's gonna get her kicks tonight
Wearin' that leather mini oh-so-tight
The dudes will drool
Each one a fool
But with Anita - none will see dawn's light.

NEXT

She's stepping out to paint the town red

I think we should have a contest now. Each limmerist (is there such a word) should choose whichever limmerick he or she considers to be his or her best and we should let LW choose the best. We could do it as a poll. Good idea or bad idea ?

I don't know. The idea of going through 17 pages to select my best is a little daunting.

I know, it will be a hard choice for you, Quis. But you can do. I just know you can!

I don't like voting for "best of" anything because it's difficult to choose and the criteria are fuzzy. Funniest, most challenging, most lyrical.

It's often surprising, however, when you ask someone to choose their best work in whatever medium, what they actually choose. You're often left scratching the old noggin.

This response should have been in limerick form, but I'm lazy.

Okay, I'm overruled.

Back to the business at hand. I think we were at ---

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She's stepping out to paint the town red

She's stepping out to paint the town red
And so she looks under her bed
For brushes and paint
But red there just ain't
And so paints it purple instead.

Next:
He took his shoes out for a shine

He took his shoes out for a shine
I wish he had also taken mine
I am keen
on being clean
I even wash my filthy swine.

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Come out, come out, wherever you are

Come out, come out, whereever you are
We're all having a drink at SHAKES Bar
Gay or straight
Just don't be late
'Cause when you're there you are a star.

NEXT:

Cheeta, my chimp, go find Boy

Cheeta, my chimp, go find Boy
Take him and his new toy
to Iraq's front lines
to hunt for land mines,
for we've run out of men to deploy.

NEXT:
Where no man has gone before

Where no man has gone before
there is no need to mop the floor
There is no mud
or spilt blood
And, alas, no haberdashery store

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I went to a theater on Broadway

I went to a theater on Broadway
To see a Tennessee Williams play
Stella, Stella
Shouted the fella,
But he was no more butch than Fay Wray.

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"I vant to drink your blood," he whined

"I vant to drink your blood," he whined.
"It should be tested," she opined.
"I'll take my chance,
It's not romance,
Ve haven't time for double blind."

NEXT: The dog that barked in the stormy night

The dog that barked in the stormy night,
did so in a fit of ghastly fright.
Fido heard the sound
of another hound
howling at the flash of 'lectric light.

NEXT:

Of this truth I am quite certain.

Of this truth I am quite certain
I like the films by Tim Burton
He has the knack
Let me get a snack
before the rise of the curtain

(Aside: FC, I really liked your last one)

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From your first cigarette

From your first cigarette
You began to die, Odette
The false dream
Of nicotine
Shall be your downfall yet.

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I like it when you purse your lips

(I agree with Quis, FC. Your limericks are really literary and witty. And Quis, you're no slouch yourself.)

I like it when you purse your lips
I quiver when you wiggle your hips
My knees get weak
My voice a squeak
I really have to come to grips.

NEXT:

A boy like that will kill your brother

A boy like that will kill your brother
And break the heart of your mother
Who is that boy?
Oh don't be coy,
You know it's you, not another.

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Writing this fills my heart with sorrow

Writing this fills my heart with sorrow
More troubles I don't need to borrow
I just make due
and always feel blue
But I still hope to be here tomorrow

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One fine day in old Calcutta

One fine day in old Calcutta
I went shopping with my mutta
Nothing free
She bought ghee
Which I thought resembled butta.

(Quislet, what in heaven's name did you have in mind to rhyme with "Calcutta"?)

NEXT: We rented a sailboat on Nantucket

Must be my Boston accent.

Calcutta
cutter
flutter
shudder
shutter
sputter
another

We rented a sailboat on Nantucket,
wrote a book of limericks, and stuck it
to a girl who lived there
who, once on a dare,
wore on her head, not a hat, but a bucket.

Nantucket...hitting below the belt, FC.

NEXT:

"It's Titan," he said, "not Uranus."

"It's Titan,' he said, "not Uranus"
Oh my how he can fuss and fuss
Be he teacher
or preacher
He refuses to even discuss

NEXT

He searched for the right word