Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly LMB TELL a STORY!

Post 6


Miniature Royal Doulton figurines cavorted precariously over double-dipped, caramellous, gloppy pluberries. Concurrently, President elect and two-time prize-winning wrestler Winema Wazzo (aka Winnie the Wanker) grabbed hold of Princess Crujectra's sceptre. The sceptre walla-wallaed Eryk Davis Ester's up tight creek frog gibberish.

Meanwhile, Nightcrawler bamfed recklessly around Uranus, enraging proctologists engaged in medical marvels.

Blissfully popping bubbles, AlNeKid stumbled artfully, nakedly into fragile crystal statues of dildos causing unspeakable commotion.

Space Ranger consumed mass quantities of kim-chee and snake venom extract bottled diligently at Emma Grundy's musty whore-house. Pastor Upright N. Uptight secretly infused tea-bags with illegal seminal distillations designed in vitro secretly to foil same-sex marriages. Unfortunately, Plaid Lad bumped into me causing upset drinks to soak bystanders thoroughly, drenching nylons and open-toed sandals scandalously, inundating Vee who exclaimed, "Jumping Jeepers!!"

Fortuitously, but surprisingly Hi-Risk Von Tingle appeared drunk again at chocolatte when flaming pantaloons shurged off manly loins.

Gigantic paperweights hung dangerously above Tamper's lower torso again; however, they apparently were sentient. Surely now Thora would notice his huge neighbor surfing Wikipedia.

Suddenly, Nick Vinson lifted his shirt revealing Quislet, Esq. tattooed above his left belly-button.

"OHMYGOD..." gasped Everyday Girl. "Young love sure is hard to avoid".

Tamper struggled mightily against overwhelming nepotismic ballerinas flaunting elevated estrogen bubbles. "Holy Father, why must Cobalt Kid advertise for dates?"

Post 7

Elsewhere, elsewhen, Lad Boy pondered his lecherous pecs while pounding steaks. "Lad Boy!" exclaimed Bevis "We forgot."

"Alaska--Juneau!" replied Salad Tosser Lord. "Excellent distractions for making salad." He added radishes, carrots, Uranus-nuggets, nosferatu butt-cheeks and later, reindeer.

Actor Lad stared mightily skyward, flexing straws and sipping latte slowly. Salad Tosser Lord's nipples began singing "Y.M.C.A." backwards through time.

Occasionally jitterbugging, Lad Boy exhaled and looked into the bottomless chasm of vibrators and condoms. Suspended above the chasm were Kent Shakespeare and Liberty Monkey, dangling Kono Fruit. "We demand chocolate artichokes every fifty miles that we spend travelling without air-conditioning or anthropomorphic penguins." Salad Tosser Lord exclaimed "Poop chutes!"

Meanwhile, on Earth-2, sinister sisters folded tesseracts into Everyday Girl's batter for special crispy teleportation fritters. Somehow unintelligible mutterings emenated from behind Tamper Lad's teacup. The teacup had exploded!

Post 8


Afterwards, when Tamper Lad unearthed Kent Shakesphere's enormous teacup, tomatoes danced naked around bonfires counterclockwise while Jailbait Lass foljsily filed copy. But ominous parsnips ransacked shoeboxes containing hundreds of pickles during Oprah while Caliente smooched Actor Lad and also cuddled.

Behind Lard Lad, ninjas sat side-saddle upon a Korbalian Dragonfly because Eryk Davis Ester insisted upon cupcakes for breakfast, because asparagus doesn't fib when tickled.

Meanwhile, Caliente skated flawlessly between realities. Cool Hand Bob swallowed his pride and streaked between interested parties, shaking martinis with flair. Afterward everyone hobnobbed with Caliente until Old Dutch the Super Cow upset Grandma by moooooning Tamper Lad behind the tortoise display.

Twelve hours later, everyone passed gas to start bumping threads.

Elsewhere, Frio was wooed by everyone except Actor Lad because Caliente didn't wiggle Thora's doorknob sized doorknob knockers and harpsichords while instigating planetwide orgies of delight.

Despite Tamper Lad's falling for Gladys the sentient disco ball, Cobalt Kid persisted relentlessly asking the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra to play "Freebird" backwards. His wanton affections distracted Abin from rubbing his coconuts against Frio's dishwasher liquid dispenser.

Occasionally dedman attempted aerial photography while hulahooping with Hippos! Therefore, unfortunately, the Red Hot Chili Peppers sang about platypus' gonads and toasters while Helena Handbasket throttled Kent with pride.

On Golden Slumbers, you're wondering if Quislet could sew buttons onto psychedelic posters while yodelling the theme from Are You Being Served?

Once when Legion World was young, the coffee brewed as Lash Lad confronted orgasmic engorged earthworms that waltzed, tangoed and lambadaed to town for mayonnaise sundaes. Lash obliterated waffles using cosmic egg-beaters fortified with Ouzo and envelopes.

Earlier that century, Faraway Lad hopped upon Frio's cougar after eloping with terrible mandolins that soloed entirely atonally with herring, mackerel, coconuts, porcupines, and ketchup.

Later we passed Uranus, but couldn't penetrate another Marvel crossover.

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THE END

Read it, Live it, Love it...

then TITLE it!

What should the name of this LMB semi-epic be? Cobie needs one so he can find somewhere to insert this tale into LMB continuity!

After we title this one, we should begin an all-new all-NOW 'LMB Tell a story' adventure!

So. I just, uh... read the whole thing.

Y'know... it sort reads like a Rachel Pollack-era DOOM PATROL comic.

Anyhoo, I wanna get the recipe for those teleportation fritters...

Hmmm... the final sentence mentions a Marvel crossover... could this be... The LMB Secret Invasion?

And I'm convinced that Gladys the Sentient Disco Ball could carry her own miniseries.

I did right a short story in our 80-page Giant Special that directly had to do with her (she stars in the Matlock story). However, I'm told some of her creators did not want this subplot so quickly resolved!

Matlock, Super Detective of the LMB... reason for my wife to get mad at me[/i]

I still think I knocked her up somehow.

This story was very educational. I never knew before about lecherous pecs, exploding teacups or lambadaing earthworms.

Would these lecherous pecs be related to my flexing pecs, which caused an earthquake?

I shouldn't be at all surprised. You may have to demonstrate them for us, Ib.

I'm gonna rock your world, Rocky!

I definitely find this a far superior tale to either volume of Secret Wars.

I especially like the wriggling doorknobs and the cosmic egg-beaters!

I may swoon!

Must be the power of that cosmic egg-beater. And to think that I still make do with the old-fashioned electric kind...

So which is more powerful, the cosmic egg beater or Ibby's pecs?

Oh, Rocky.

Everyone knows that Ibby's like an online son to me. No mother should broach such a subject with her son or his, er... fanclub. It's unseemly.

[passes tea and scones]

Besides, even the most attractive pectorals can't help you when it's time to make that mile-high, never-fail lemon souffle' for the Junior League Luncheon. The Cosmic Eggbeater, on the other hand...

And cleome's the coolest online mom I could ever ask for! Why, you should see her work that Cosmic Eggbeater. Anything she cooks with it = absolutely divine!

(PS, Rocky, Blaze and I can set up a private demonstration of the powerful pecs for you... ;))

I look forward to it!

Now to get Blaze's butt in here!

Er, we shouldn't be discussing this while cleome is here. It's awkward

I'll be spending the rest of Sunday at my weekly quilting circle. There's sandwich fixings in the fridge. Just don't leave a mess for me when I get back tonight, okay?

Aww, you're so awesome cleome. Don't worry, we'll make sure to clean up very very very well.

No mayonnaise stains on your carpets!